BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 01:29 PM

Ah, I get it now...cobra...snakes...chopper...one-eyed trouser snake...Jaysus, I'm quick!

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 01:22 PM

You need to debrief them to find out what they were laughing at. Probe those bums!

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Raggytash
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 01:19 PM

Don't care for snakes myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Mar 16 - 01:13 PM

Nah, George Osborne's yachting companion. I was going to ask ask him about austerity, but then I realised that Cornwall is more sheepterity. Going back to that Cobra meeting, I asked that alleged intelligence bloke where my chopper was located.

What the hell were they all laughing at?? Twots!

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 05:10 PM

Nelson Mandleson? That spin doctor bloke with really bright shirts?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 03:43 PM

Dammit, the sex party has been raided, before I even got there. I was only late because the fancy dress shop had run out of Nazi regalia, something or other about a couple of princes hiring the whole lot. And I was NOT going as a chambermaid (all they had left), not with those sex-starved Tory peers. Still, lucky me, at least I'm still clean.

I wonder if Mandelson is still available...

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 03:13 PM

Is there room in his armchair .............. is there much room in his armchair ........... is there mushroom in his armchair ??

Brilliant Musket, feed the bugger mushrooms (those red ones with sesame seeds on top) end of problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Musket
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 01:00 PM

Aye, they all start lurching to the right eventually.

Are you sure there's room for a meeting on his armchair?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 10:16 AM

I haven't posted because I've been helping to organise the Tory sex party I told you about and attending a series of Cobra meetings. Watching that bloke with a nappy on that I hired getting the cobra to come out of that basket was fun. Unfortunately some miserable git who said he was "from intelligence" had no bloody sense of humour about it whatsoever. The whole idea of me being the gaffer was supposed to be that no-one I recruited should be more intelligent than me. Anyway, I did find out that I have a helicopter on standby to whisk me away from any trouble. Now that I know that I can set up that meeting with Teribus.

DMcG, how's your spin-doctoring?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 08:08 AM

I think that Steve may be in negotiations with the "gang of three".

I'm sure you will appreciate these may be turgid, bombastic and are likely to be longwinded.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: DMcG
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 07:59 AM

Well, with my track record I could be the next chancellor. I can easily turn 66 into 22. Anyone for bingo?

All the sevens, 49

I've always fancied the idea of calling bingo in octal, or similar: All the sevens, 63.

(Is it too late to complain I haven't a post in this government? I'll have to form an opposition on my own.)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Musket
Date: 25 Mar 16 - 05:03 AM

So.. That's it then. No posts in ages.

SDP all over again.

Get a few people excited about a brave new world then fail to come up with the goods.

Sorry, co messiah, you've let the country down, you've let your acolytes down, you've let Cornwall down and you've let yourself down. (Liverpool FC are adept at letting themselves down.)

Back to the 1.2 party state.

I'm off to write my memoirs and get Murdoch to serialise them. I'll miss out the bit regarding when his new wife got drunk just after she dumped Mick but I obviously had more to drink than her...

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Musket
Date: 24 Mar 16 - 05:22 AM

You can PM Musket! This one logged in for that very purpose! (Backwoodsman mentioned on a thread that he had pm'd me and I am getting worried as to whether UN will have to airlift people out of Lincolnshire. They have closed the border at Gainsborough you know.. )

Be careful what colour you drape them in Raggy. Yachts can drift off course too.

It was on Gibralta's Rock so fair!
I saw a maiden lying there.
And then I saw to my despair,
She had the red flag flying there.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 24 Mar 16 - 05:00 AM

Therein lies the dilemma, which Musket. There are three to my knowledge and I, for one, have had more than enough of "holy" trinities. No Musket as PM doesn't work for me.

Having said that Mr Shaw is perhaps taking too long a recess. Hopefully he's not sailing round Lundy drinking Champagne with semi-naked females draped in Liverpools colours around the deck, not without taking me along. I could pretend they were Manchester United colours.


PS Can I bring me fishing rod.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Musket
Date: 24 Mar 16 - 04:44 AM

Mind you, Steve didn't acquit himself too well on Andrew Marr the other day, did he? It's one thing to have bastards in your cabinet, it's another to get a powder puff on your face, eyeliner for the close ups and tell BBC ruddy one all about us.. err... Them.

It's alright having him as a leader to shake up politics but the nation will never fall for his Cornish Lancastrianism. They want a stable middle of the road PM, not some silly sod with principles. (OK, the Anfield delusion isn't terribly principled unless you are of scouse paternal genitals, which The Guardian says he isn't.)

The problem is Dave, the electorate will never fall for Heinz tinned tomatoes whilstever Sainsburys own brand are cheaper, taste the same and come in stackable tetrapak. It's all '70s dogma revisited and people have moved on, become more sophisticated like, and some have learned their vocabulary from imported z list US soap opera. I mean, just because Gillian Whassername was born here doesn't mean X Files needs to be on at prime time. Stan Laurel was too, but you shouldn't see my point.

Instead of planning the Shawist years, we need to be planning the long term Musketite period of history yet to be written.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 07:39 PM

Or ass 🐴

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Mar 16 - 04:54 PM

C'mon Right Hon. S. Shaw. PM. Let's get this show on the road. We need urgent legislation about WooHoos, tomatoes (Heinz, tinned) and asses. There seem to be riots going on outside the twinned countries of Cornwall and Yorkshire. The natives are off their rockers and the mods are putting the boot in wherever they can. It's like bleedin' Brighton all over again.

Besides, the thread needed refreshing.

:D tG (Minister for bingo and arse)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 02:08 PM

Last Manx message was me.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 02:07 PM

Under a Manx PM Shaw, you won't need tail to be happy:

Manx 


You coud steal the Isle of Man flag, make it your own, and get one if their Manx rabbit/cats

the extra leg 

I guess you could retro-fit acouple of 50 calibers on tne rear of one of these?

The shaw tank conversion 

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 02:06 PM

Well, with my track record I could be the next chancellor. I can easily turn 66 into 22. Anyone for bingo?

All the sevens, 49
Six and four, 10
Heinz varieties, 2 (Well only beans and tomato soup worth mentioning)

So, how about chancellor of bingo and minister without alphabetti spaghetti?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 01:14 PM

The only culture in Argyll is growing behind the cooker.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 01:10 PM

We will, of course, have to deal with the issues of economic and humanitarian migrants. Now we are supposed to have a housing shortage but we also have approx. 635,000 empty house. So if we train the incoming people in various trades in the building industry they can revamp the empty houses. I also suggest the development of two new towns to help house these people in an integrated fashion. I would suggest one new town should be sited near London, say Hertford. The other should appeal to those who prefer a more scenic location I would suggest the west coast of Argyle. Government departments could be relocated to these new towns, for starters I would suggest the Dept of Work and Pensions and Revenue and Customs, together with the Dept of Culture, Media and Sports.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 12:58 PM

"Steve, what is your view or policy mandate on making it compulsory that all secretaries under the age of 35 wear stockings and garter belts to the office and flash at us guys."

I've got a couple of defecting Tory lords to run a sex party for me at the weekend. They take a very broad view of dressing up, so I'll be there "taking notes." It runs from Friday to Monday non-stop so efforts to contact me at the weekend will be met with an out-of-office message. Some poor bugger's got to do it, you know.

Anyone lend me some Nazi memorabilia? Bloody royals have flogged theirs on eBay. Tsk.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 12:52 PM

Good point about waging war. In the true spirit of 1984, we need permanent enemies to demonise. The trouble with my two-state solution, Cornwall and Yorkshire (three if you count Britain) is that they're not really distant enough from each other. I had considered getting Denmark to invade the Isle of Man so that we could wage bogus hostilities against them (bogus equals cheap, and we need money for expenses claims. I'm no fool, you know). But then I thought, what's the bloody point, let Denmark keep it anyway. Yeah, this war business is a work in progress. I've got Teribus in tomorrow morning to give me the accurate lowdown on how we did it so well in the past. I'll let you know how we got on. If I get out alive.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 12:44 PM

Hillsborough defend that's a laugh, even Hull have conceded few goals than Hillsborough, so sat naught of Burnley and Preston.

Steve, add Hull and Middlesbrough to the pre-emptive strikes whilst you're at it. Come to think of it Scarborough is a shit hole add that as well.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 12:42 PM

Steve, what is your view or policy mandate on making it compulsory that all secretaries under the age of 35 wear stockings and garter belts to the office and flash at us guys.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 12:34 PM

Mind you, you can save your bang bangs. Elland Rd isn't worth bombing. That's why pigeons fly upside down around those parts. Not worth shitting on either.

Hillsborough can defend itself. In the final analysis, your soldiers will prostrate themselves and beg forgiveness for thinking about such heresy.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 12:26 PM

Bring it on.

They are all shandy drinkers to a man.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 11:54 AM

Steve, As leader you will no doubt be considering who to wage war on first. Can I suggest that you conduct two pre-emptive strikes. The first should be directed at Elland Road, the second at Hillsborough. Both these areas are full of subversives and eliminating them first will make the later deployment of the Free Lancastrian Army a tad easier.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 11:44 AM

Eventually Musket's den, No.10

If you can't speak the lingo, don't play the bingo.

(Two little ducks, confit du canard. Trying out a new French bistro tonight.)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 11:34 AM

Darcy lever? Is that that ballet dancing bird on 'Strictly'? Or is mentioning strictly getting too close to whips and Anne Summers again? Bloomin' complicated this diplomacy malarkey init?

My Grandad used to tell me he used to tell me the inmates at Prestwich were not as daft as people thought. He once watched a couple of blokes, one pushing an upside-down wheelbarrow and the other pulling a piece of string. When he asked the first one why his barrow was upside down he was told that if it was the right way round, people would put things in it. On enquiring why the second was pulling the string, the chap pulling it just asked Grandad if he had ever tried pushing one.

Anyway, 22 and 88 were not on the photocopied bingo card Musket gave me so I never saw the need to find my balls...

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 11:29 AM

Ahem... Mandleson calling Blair...

Yorkshire may or may not have oil (a chippy I know in Doncaster uses dripping) but let's not forget the holiest of holy shrines is there, hence the epicentre of our empire?

Dave. Bugger March of the Mods. Further down the screen is The Sparks.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 11:23 AM

No oil? Good, correct referendum outcome then. We won't have to invade. I'm a fair man, Dave, so I'm afraid you'll have to be subjected to my new immigration points system. You could always seek asylum. There used to be a good one in Prestwich but it's Besses Tesco now, dammit. You'll get the points you need if you can find those two bingo balls you lost in that car park, clickety-click and two fat ladies. Actually, I need a mayor for Darcy Lever. Any takers?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 11:12 AM

No oil Steve but I often perceive a lot of wind.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 11:10 AM

I can cope with bingo and other arse. Sounds just up my street. Can the broad church bit encompass bingo halls named Mecca? Or is that a click-ety click too far? Or is it Broadchuch with that Scot's bloke, who pretends to be English, pretending to be a policeman instead of a doctor? Miserable TV show that was...

Still, thanks for the offer but I now seem to be in some sort of exile where we have to sing the national anthem of 'On Ilkla' moor bah't 'at' and toast King Seen Been (or is it Shorn Born?) with pints of Taylor's Landlord every morning.

Will I still be able to get a work permit or are you now going to pander to popular opinion by closing borders, insisting we learn to speak Cornish and banning ownership of them little yappy Yorkshire terrorists?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 10:54 AM

I already told you, Dave, you're the Minister for Bingo and Other Arts.

My cabinet makeup will be a broad church. I haven't a clue what that means but I thought it might keep pete and Joe happy. After all. I am a one-nation PM. Well, two if you're counting Britain as well as Cornwall. I've set up an in-out referendum for Yorkshire, by the way. The vote was yesterday but I forgot to tell you. Yorkshire are out. Boycott and Parky have already had their visas cancelled. I hope this demonstrates both my dynamism and my decisiveness.

Has Yorkshire got any oil?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 10:37 AM

but when it gets to be a cesspit,

You seemed to enjoy wallowing in it though.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 10:35 AM

Well, you are talking about mods and it is March. Prepare to make your ears bleed.

March of the Mods

Some nice piccies though

DtG (Ex Lambretta GT200 owner. I can send you an incriminating picture to prove it if that gets me in the cabinet quicker...)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 10:16 AM

"Looks like you have a stalker today Steve. Be gentle with them."

Well, below-the-line can often resemble a bear pit, but when it gets to be a cesspit, as it did for a couple of hours this morning, it's best to stay away for a while. Well done to the mods for stepping in promptly.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 09:38 AM

If I do have a minor role in PM Shaw's cabinet,
these are the sorts of rumours our equivalent of the Stasi will need to keep quiet by any necessary methods...

..and it wasn't Dot Cotton either...

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 09:31 AM

Is it Pat Butcher? She was in Eastenders wasn't she? Maybe it was who PFR was referring (reeferring?) to?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 09:22 AM

I know a butcher, could he help?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,#
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 09:18 AM

"Does anyone know someone who can make proper joints?"

Ahem . . . Start with ZigZag papers.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 08:02 AM

nah.. not me guv... last time I ever rolled one was for an Eastenders actress in the back of a car en route to her boyfriends gig circa 1989...

Me.. I packed up smoking anything long before that... 😇

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 07:43 AM

Looks like you have a stalker today Steve. Be gentle with them.











Or not as the case may be.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 07:22 AM

I told you, I'm having my cabinet mended. Does anyone know someone who can make proper joints?





...pfr?   :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 06:00 AM

Most decisions are made in water closet meetings in any government, council, a women's' Institute or regional board of pigeon fanciers.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 05:18 AM

If they go in the cabinet does that mean they have to come out of the closet?

:D (tG)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Mar 16 - 04:56 AM

I'm a little disappointed in that I had expected an announcement from the prospective PM as to the people appointed to cabinet positions. I had even hoped that some of our regular homophobic contributors may have been prised out of their closets (yes we know you will deny it)by the swift action of the prospective PM.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,#
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 09:20 AM

"Steve Shaw for Prime Minister"

Good idea.