BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 08:29 AM

Bastard! You told me it was a Loch Fynne chain restaurant with ironic decor!!! 😡

That video.. Send it The BBC. Nobody has scorched a whitewashed wall with a perfect Tudor rose like I did. It'll only increase my vote and in case you hadn't noticed you need my votes to get a majority.

You're my bitch now, and don't ever forget it.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 07:13 AM

Ann Summers? Whips?? Mmmmm...

Stoppit, you're making me sound like a Tory grandee organising a sex party. Can we dress up?

Stop pretending, Musket. You know damn well it was only a mobile fish and chip van just down from Lidls in Falkirk. And you can't prove anything because I've hacked your Blackberry and deleted all your voice recordings. On the other hand I still have that video of you setting fire to a fart. If you want the job you'll have to wait until I'm ousted by a shock resignation and verbal knifing in the back.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 07:09 AM

So you mean it's Sooty's fault I'm knocking up a chevaux chasseau tonight?

Isn't it today that Jesus rides into town atop a Taste The Difference multipack?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: TheSnail
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 06:56 AM

Jan, I'm perfectly capable of spelling Brian, it just isn't my name.

AND those bloody glove puppets they use to indoctrinate children.

Do you mean this sort of thing?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F08iw9kfXXY

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 05:00 AM

Of course, our co Messiah with Gnomish Attributes is in charge of spiritual matters. My preference tends to be Irish malts as they don't burn so much as they go down, although a smokey Islay with a drop of Severn Trent does the trick too.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 04:52 AM

Party name. Hmmmmm. Tuppaware? Anne Summers? How about the anarchist reformed socialist evolutionary party? ARSE party for short. Instead of whips they can have whipes. The proclamations made could be Shaw influenced treatment schemes (SHITS). His main policy could be free all retired teachers (FART). The possibilities are endless!

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 20 Mar 16 - 03:16 AM

Right. The Snail can be first up against the wall. Anyone who can't spell Brian hasn't sufficiently evolved to be part of any future I have my sticky hands in the till of.

As Steve struck a deal with me in a fish restaurant in Scotland regarding timetable of handover of power to me... My first edict once ensconced in No.10 and having ripped out the sound proofing Special Branch put in to deal with his gob irons.... Is to disenfranchise The Church of England. Disestablishmentarianism is something I always wanted to do. I bought all the books on how to do it.

After all, only HM Liz and a couple of percent of people are practicing Christians, so if we are to have a state religion (other than Sheffield Wednesday, obviously) it may as well be Islam because more people in the country observe its demands on their time.

Oh, and ban God bothering lyrics set to Neil Young songs. AND those bloody glove puppets they use to indoctrinate children. Whilst I'm at it, we can turn churches into folk club venues. Folkies care about tradition far more than Clappy happys do. You'll not catch us insisting Child meant murder when he wrote kill in the ballads.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 08:58 PM

Dearie me, Snail, in science nothing is to go unquestioned, and belief plays no part. As you well know, evolution is a real phenomenon that can never be gainsaid. Naturally, the theory thereof, our best shot at explaining it, is vulnerable to all attacks and rightly so. As for appointing people to bishop pricks, well I'm thinking of making the application process open to all so that theists need not feel excluded.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: TheSnail
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 08:02 PM

Steve, I trust you realise that, as Prime Minister, it is part of your job to advise the Queen on the appointment of bishops. Given time you should be able to convert the Church of England into the Church of Evolution dedicated to the unquestioning belief in the Truth of Evolution.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 09:26 AM

Oh, The Snail's OK. Well at least until my next education edict, which is that every classroom must have a large poster of Darwin and Dawkins declaring EVOLUTION IS TRUE. Heheh.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 09:12 AM

From the list of posters

Goofus
Professor
The snail

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: TheSnail
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 07:01 AM

From the list of threads at the moment -

Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
Trump II- The Horror Continues

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 05:59 AM

Well, I was talking with Dick Tator at the pub last night.

He suggested one, that I assured him would never get accepted by the branding committee.

Here goes anyway, it was " The Tatertots"

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 05:42 AM

Pithoff
(not;)
But, then it's your birthday party:)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 05:05 AM

Damn. That was me that last one. My iPhone won't let me log in (this is my iPad). Send me my password, Joe, and I'll make you a junior minister...

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 05:02 AM

My lad (Back Seat Of MkII Cortina, Nick o' Pendle Car Park, "Mark" for short) suggests that we could do with a pithier name than any of those. A single word even.


So I've coined one. Are you ready? Here it is....


Shawnkly.


Genius, eh? Combining pithiness with two noble notions. Is it a wrap or not?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 03:06 AM

Oops, last guest twer moi.
The Pricks and Goose Grass Party

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 03:03 AM

The Thorny Peashooter Party

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 02:57 AM

The Punctiliously Fhearted Party

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 19 Mar 16 - 02:09 AM

Ah so it was Rudyard after he was conceived at the lake? Just like, as Steve notes, Brooklyn Beckham. I was talking only yesterday to my son, our Behind the Fire Escape at the Back of The Frog and Nightgown.

The party name?

The Party of Deluded Anfield Aficianado and Associated Realists?

The Betty Swollox on my Bucket List Party?

The Young, Sophisticated Musket and a few Old Gits Party?

Is there any contradiction or issue in believing our manifesto and believing in it?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Klamath
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 11:59 PM

Wag Beards

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 08:18 PM

The Swingers Kinky Sex Party ?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 07:33 PM

Incidentally, chaps (and Betty), I've invited Jurgen Klopp to be cabinet enforcer. Obviously there will be no objections to that. By which I mean I'm telling you not that I'm not EXPECTING that there will be objections, but that there will BE no objections. This is a democracy, this party, and don't you forget it. One man, one vote. I am that one man.

Incidentally, what party is it? I haven't been told yet...

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 07:23 PM

What a bitter little fellow. Are you Osborne by any chance? Farrago? Bibi? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 05:42 PM

"Steve Shaw has got to be better than most politicians with the exception of Corbyn"

With the exception of Corbyn you say.....hmm, I'd say he has too much in common with Corbyn and his sycophants.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 05:35 PM

"Steve Shaw has got to be better than most politicians with the exception of Corbyn"

Ah yes, I'll buy that, Dick. Kudos to the mighty Jezza (by which I don't mean Paxo or yer Session-man Jezza, Gawd bless 'im, even if you don't). The world in general may not have noticed, but the in-crowd hereabouts will note that my first major coup has been to drive Iain Duncan-Irritable Bowel Syndrome Smith, aka little Goebbels, out of office. Next target, Bozza! Adelante! Excelsior!

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 05:11 PM

--"The village of Rudyard [Staffordshire] was named after Ralph Rudyard, a local man reputed to have killed Richard III at the Battle of Bosworth Field. Rudyard Lake was constructed by the engineer John Rennie, for the Trent and Mersey Canal company in 1797–98 to feed the Caldon Canal...
Visitors included John Lockwood Kipling and Alice Macdonald, the parents of Rudyard Kipling, who met there on a trip from Burslem. They liked the place so much they named their son after it" - Wikipedia--
.,,.

Well well: you learn something new every day. Many thanks, keberoxu.
So it wasn't a family name, as I speculated, but a bit of sentimental family memorabilia. But my point that he probably adopted it professionally as being more distinguished and arresting than his first name, by which they would probably have meant him to be known, still stands.

≈M≈

≈M≈

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 04:53 PM

Ah, like Brooklyn Beckham then. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 04:46 PM

Rudyard Lake is the location of the first meeting of Kipling's parents, so they honored the location in naming him.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 04:34 PM

My next edict concerns the banning of Guests, on the grounds that this great nation of which I'm the Premier does not need unfunny, bitter, cowardly little ne'er-do-wells like them. I'm just waiting for Max to resign, then I'm in. Let's muscle up, guys and guyesses. Excelsior! Adelante!

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 04:07 PM

Fortunately for people living in the UK being Jewish does not preclude one from being Prime Minister. Benjamin Disraeli has been there, done that, got the T shirt.

Hopefully one day we will get a Prime Minister who will ensure such views are educated out of our country.

One can live in hope.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 03:32 PM

Steve Shaw for Prime Minister

Holy fuck someone has a morbid sense of humor. Guaranteed he's not Jewish.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,skunky
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 01:58 PM

Why give Shaw the easy one (sorry Mrs Shaw)?

Why let him first take one of the easier "ruler" jobs?

Why not let him first start, as an apprentice, as PM in one if the worst governed world countries (puck one)? If he does well, using his stellar people and governing skills and judgement, then let him work his way up to the UK?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 01:08 PM

that's why The Mail and the rest of the Tory press are out to get him !!!

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: The Sandman
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 12:51 PM

Steve Shaw has got to be better than most politicians with the exception of Corbyn

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 11:25 AM

You altered your name to not be confused with a translator???? I changed mine so as not to be confused with a blunderbuss. Mind you, you managed to translate the first word of the Latin I wrote for you.... If you don't know whether you are the translator or the rather odd narcissist on Mudcat, you can always get n... You know the rest.

Of course, under Rt On Steve's rule, I expect to be the power behind the throne, His Grace The Rt Hon Lord Musket of Barking Maddenham, Earl of The People's Republic of South Yorkshire, governor of the colonies and oh, I'll have that island over there to build my pad on.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 10:56 AM

'what kind of a name is "Rudyard" anyway? Were they having a laugh or what?'
.,,.
He was actually called Joseph Rudyard Kipling, and used Rudyard professionally, presumably as being more distinctive. I expect it was a family name from somewhere back one side or the other [like my Grosvenor] — often given as a middle name, & can be used professionally: I adopted mine into my byline when I started reviewing for The Times & The Guardian back in the 1960s to avoid confusion with Michael Meyer, well-known as translator of and authority on Scandinavian playwrights Ibsen & Strindberg.

≈M≈

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 10:44 AM

There's always one, isn't there?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,A reliable news source
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 10:29 AM

oh my god, have you heard rumours of the PM Steve Shaw scandal story The Mail will be running with all next week !!!

and we thought Cameron's pork love was sordid enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 10:11 AM

I think I might have to issue an edict banning confusing names such as Kim, Lesley, Frances, Sam, Bobby, Jordan, Vivian, Hilary, etc. And that bloody Paul Temple can stop calling his missus "Steve" right now. Ridiculous. And what on earth were Carlo Maria Giulini's mum and dad thinking of! Poor lad, no wonder he took to the baton in order to assert himself! I'm minded to set up a department to deal with this. Or a quango (as soon as I find out what one is). You need not apply to be in charge if your name is Alex, Frankie, Pat or Mel.

And what kind of a name is "Rudyard" anyway? Were they having a laugh or what?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 08:57 AM

The original Kim {Rudyard K's] was no girlie, Steve. Another thing the fair sex have nicked! My cousin Richard was married to a female Kim.

≈M≈

True drifty story. There was a book-launch of a new book on Ruddy at Heffers in Cambridge a while back, and we were all told to come as a Kipling character. I borrowed a solar-topi and put on khaki trousers & went as District-Commissioner Wotsit Sahib. I met my cousins there. "Why aren't you in costume?" I asked her. "I'm Kim," she replied.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 08:53 AM

I wouldn't necessarily want Jong Yuk Ill Kim Sik Fuk on board, but I concede that I may have to have a summit meeting with him, just to pick up a wrinkle or two about his highly successful public persona. I mean, Jaysus, have you ever seen anyone in those videos NOT applauding him?! It's a bit flat round here though, no hills with tops worth calling summits, and we would quite like to be seen. Que faire, as they say in Turkey...

Is North Korea anywhere near Cornwall? I will NOT go Easyjet...

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 07:58 AM

They have the bar of doom. It's where senior aides have their last drink before being executed. Didn't I read he was so pissed off with one military leader he strapped him in a field and had a rocket launcher take aim?

Bloody Cameron daren't even demote Hunt......

The only thing radiating in North Korea is the leak at the nuclear research plant....

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 07:55 AM

Interesting thought. Kim Ju Boll uck has a meaningful way with anti-aircraft fire doesn't he. Could solve a few difficulties.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 07:39 AM

"This politics lark. Seems rather difficult. Shouldn't we stick to forming a religion? Far easier, no skill involved just gullible fodder and oh.. Yeah, I forgot. More dangerous than governments...."

We could combine the two. I could declare myself Divine Leader, a walking saint, just like that Kim Zu Jim Up Fuk Sik Ill bloke in North Korea, whatever his name is. Looking at him, I reckon it would entitle me to pies without limit. I could stuff the Lords with unqualified people wearing funny clothes who could talk bollocks and pretend that they never said what they said and that there's no evidence for religion, or is there, and who needs it anyway because there's a unifying summat or other which radiates deeper truths (we can hide those, no worries, wouldn't want them getting out). Yeah, that's what we need a lot more of. Just think of the corruption and graft that News At Ten wouldn't have time to pin on us because they were having to report all that guff! Genius! Any volunteers? Keith...?

Do they have Doom Bar in North Korea, and would I have to give my lads girlie names like Kim?

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 03:31 AM

mumble and fumble

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 18 Mar 16 - 03:09 AM

Be careful with token women. Heath gave a token woman the education portfolio and look how that turned out....

You can have a reshuffle whilst at the dispatch box, or pocket billiards as it's known. The late Cecil Parkinson (died just after Bowie and provided the soundtrack to Cameron's youth) told a story of when he returned to the front bench after being in purdah for having a kid with his secretary, he was talkin with his hand in his pocket. Dennis Skinner's voice floated across the house "stop playing with yourself." His speech was ruined because he started stuttering. The reason being the moral dilemma of if he keeps his hand in his pocket everyone would think he was playing with himself. If he took it out as per the order, it was proof he had been playing with himself.

This politics lark. Seems rather difficult. Shouldn't we stick to forming a religion? Far easier, no skill involved just gullible fodder and oh.. Yeah, I forgot. More dangerous than governments....

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Mar 16 - 10:46 AM

"What is all this talk of horrible members then?"

Easy to spot. They're the ones located six inches below the tips of blue ties, a quarter of an inch long and covered in pig spit.

In order to retain the credibility we've already built up, I need a token woman. Can we use Swollox? How about Overseas Development, as long as we never let her home? Do we do the US?

By the way, I'm gearing up for a reshuffle. My left buttock is killing me.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 17 Mar 16 - 06:02 AM

Dave, if you are going to be Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster I would have expected you to be working on maximising it's income.

I realise you are likely to embezzle at least 50% but that's fine. Even on present "reported" income we'll each get £8 million apiece. However that's less than a 3% return from total assets in excess £472 million.

Even accounting for someone already taking a rake-off I'm sure you could do better.

I have some ideas about the running of the estate and I would like to see reductions in the costs of those Lancashire holdings, you can make that up by increasing rent to those holdings in Cheshire and London, especially the Savoy Estate, you can make them weep if you want.

Over to you my friend.

Subject: RE: BS: Steve Shaw for Prime Minister
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 Mar 16 - 04:40 AM

Groan...