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BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Sandra in Sydney 07 Dec 17 - 07:58 AM
Dave the Gnome 07 Dec 17 - 08:45 AM
Jim Carroll 07 Dec 17 - 09:24 AM
Nigel Parsons 07 Dec 17 - 09:25 AM
Nigel Parsons 07 Dec 17 - 09:26 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Dec 17 - 10:51 AM
Bill D 07 Dec 17 - 11:10 AM
Jim Carroll 07 Dec 17 - 12:35 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 17 - 02:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Dec 17 - 02:38 PM
JennieG 07 Dec 17 - 04:16 PM
Sandra in Sydney 07 Dec 17 - 05:35 PM
Tattie Bogle 07 Dec 17 - 08:41 PM
Jim Carroll 08 Dec 17 - 03:53 AM
Mr Red 08 Dec 17 - 04:10 AM
Richard Mellish 08 Dec 17 - 07:10 AM
Rapparee 08 Dec 17 - 12:47 PM
frogprince 08 Dec 17 - 02:19 PM
Donuel 08 Dec 17 - 03:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Dec 17 - 04:26 PM
keberoxu 08 Dec 17 - 05:16 PM
Severn 08 Dec 17 - 06:21 PM
keberoxu 08 Dec 17 - 06:38 PM
Severn 08 Dec 17 - 07:01 PM
GUEST, The Giant Squid 08 Dec 17 - 08:00 PM
Severn 08 Dec 17 - 10:24 PM
Donuel 09 Dec 17 - 05:35 AM
Acme 09 Dec 17 - 12:47 PM
Janie 09 Dec 17 - 01:44 PM
Acme 09 Dec 17 - 02:38 PM
MMario 09 Dec 17 - 04:18 PM
Acme 09 Dec 17 - 05:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Dec 17 - 07:32 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 17 - 10:03 PM
keberoxu 09 Dec 17 - 10:52 PM
Mrrzy 10 Dec 17 - 01:58 AM
DMcG 10 Dec 17 - 04:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Dec 17 - 06:31 AM
Severn 10 Dec 17 - 12:29 PM
keberoxu 10 Dec 17 - 12:53 PM
Dave the Gnome 10 Dec 17 - 02:10 PM
Richard Mellish 10 Dec 17 - 03:33 PM
Donuel 10 Dec 17 - 06:51 PM
JennieG 10 Dec 17 - 07:41 PM
Acme 10 Dec 17 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 17 - 08:20 PM
Mrrzy 10 Dec 17 - 10:36 PM
Senoufou 11 Dec 17 - 04:26 AM
Dave the Gnome 11 Dec 17 - 04:32 AM
Donuel 11 Dec 17 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 11 Dec 17 - 01:34 PM
DMcG 11 Dec 17 - 02:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Dec 17 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 17 - 09:16 PM
Mr Red 12 Dec 17 - 03:56 AM
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Subject: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 07:58 AM

looks around & wanders out again, following the trail Severn left


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 08:45 AM

S**t! Exclaims the Gnome. What did I just drink?


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 09:24 AM

.... and asks, "has anybody seen an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman?
Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 09:25 AM

"Was that a dog of some sort" asks the barman


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 09:26 AM

The Bee Gee impersonator at the bar replies:
"Looked like a wombat.
More like a wombat to me"


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 10:51 AM

And the wombat said, "Why do I have to be a giant wombat? Is a normal-size wombat wandering into a tavern such a commonplace occurrence that I need to be huge for the joke to work?"


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 11:10 AM

Huge?
Not if it's a


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 12:35 PM

Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walked into a bar and saw a giant wombat sitting on a bar stool
"Is this some sort of joke?"
Jim


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 02:02 PM

Over in a corner lime jello is flying from a jello pit, splattering on the wombat.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 02:38 PM

Giant Wombat (AKA Diprotodon)


Straight to the image ---tavern-crawling mudelf


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 04:16 PM

"Yummy!" exclaimed the wombat, as it licked its paw which was by now splattered with jello. Then it looked up.

"Did you see that?" it asked.

"What?" asked the barman.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 05:35 PM

giant wombat is a great fan of banjo music which is why it was looking for Severn


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 08:41 PM

Tell me, giant wombat, are you a four-string or a five-string - or, heaven help us, a guitar banjo with six strings?


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 03:53 AM

A Giant Wombat went into a pub, sat on the bar stool ordered a drink and paid for it.
As he sat silently drinking it, the barman, to make conversation, said, "We don't get many Giant Wombats in here".
"At your prices I'm not surprised", came the laconic reply
Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mr Red
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 04:10 AM

A giant Wombat stepped into a bar, and went squelch.

It was a Mars Bar.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 07:10 AM

The giant wombat noticed something moving below the surface of the jello pit.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 12:47 PM

Bubbling, bubbling from under the jello....


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: frogprince
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 02:19 PM

Just an aside; bless you nuts, I needed something like this today.

             f.p.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 03:24 PM

whispering deeply at the end of the bar ; "hey honey lets compare gall bladder scars..."
Loud girl: "You've got a lot of gall"
whispering ; don't got any
Loudly : That's sexual harassment.
whisper; that's surgical alignment.
Clanking loudly, loud girl walkers away...


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 04:26 PM

If a woman is an adult female human, is a wombat an adult female bat?


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 05:16 PM

If last year's terrier newbie makes a return visit,
what on EARTH
will he make of the wombat?


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 06:21 PM

Going from bladder to worse, the Terrier drank Perrier which left through his derriere when it lifted its leg next to DeFrosty, the retired snowman.

"Euwwww!" said the ladies on either side of him as they started backing away real fast. "Yellow Snow!", which wasn't helped by the fact that DeFrosty had been drinking beer, which was causing the same effect.

"I tried to get him to stick to vodka", said the alligator behind the bar to Mmario, who was cooking a rack of auroch ribs in the kitchen......

The Hairy Simian Chorale, the Yule Gibbons brought back to entertain again this year by popular demand, enter a door under a sign that says Apiary to change into their choir robes and come running right back out chased by a swarm of bees.....

Sandra In Sydney slaps the guy next to her who had just passed her a note, because she'd thought it said "Where's yer womb at?" and thought she was being harassed.
"Harass, my ass!" yelled the offended stranger. Realizing her mistake, she quickly apologizes and buys the stranger a drink. Sandra looks around the room and says, "Oh my God! Where IS my wombat?"

A booming voice from above said, "IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY! I'M JUST HERE FOR MY SON"S BIRTHDAY PARTY......."

A loud splash and a big spray of green Jello gives her a hint......

Did it jump, or was it pushed.....or PULLED, for that matter?......


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 06:38 PM

That's, "More THAN A Wombat,"   Bee Gee impersonator ...

Ah, the Harry Simeone Chorale.
Presumably singing Pat-A-Pat-A-PAN!


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 07:01 PM

They're running from a swarm of bees, actually, and check the spelling. These are 50 apes in choir robes who have been here before.....

Wait, the bees have found the Jello pit when the apes ran past it. Sweet and sticky is what they like. Hell, it's the next best thing to a soft ice cream stand at the beach or a soft drink dispenser at a catered picnic. I think they'll linger here for awhile.....

The wombat pops his head up to the surface, sees the bees and quickly submerges again......


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Subject: RE: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: GUEST, The Giant Squid
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 08:00 PM

A tentacle slices up from the jello pit, describing an arch across and clearing the bees from the gelatinous surface tension around the Giant Wombat's emerging nose.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 10:24 PM

A group of Liberal Folkies, of whom some of which unfortunately had gotten jello liberally splashed upon them, ran toward the Jello pit screaming at the squid, "SAVE THE BEES!". The Squid, being a gentle soul at heart, gently hurled and re-routed the swarm of bees unhurt in the direction of the sweetly sticky protesters, who beat a hasty retreat to try to hide behind the Christmas tree, which looked like a safe enough place, with a few of those with multiple stings and faces already swelling up running into the dispensary and locking themselves in. Those who'd run for the tree proved too big a crowd to all use it as a Tannenbaum Shelter and threatened to topple it......

A plan was desperately needed to lure the swarm back safely into the apiary and the hives, but how?.....

And with the bees all buzzing in the area of the tree, who would be brave enough help keep the huge Douglas Fur erect?......


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 05:35 AM

Without understanding, an expanding cloud of a plan in the center of Severn's mind took over his body as he walked over to automatically play a recording of 'Do the walk of Life' by Dire Straights . As if by instinct Severn unconsciously knew this song had the ability beyond all other songs to cause life forms to release Oxytocin in such quantities it could even cause Obama and Trump to embrace in sincere friendship.

Even the bees felt the oxytocin and became calm and compliant. The love in the room was overwhelming- He got the action, he got the motion
Oh yeah, the boy can play
Dedication, devotion
Turning all the night time into the day
He do the song about the sweet lovin woman
He do the song about the knife
He do the walk, do the walk of life
Yeah, he do the walk of life...woo hoo
It was as though the universe had cracked open and love was flooding in to that god forsaken tavern, Bees Wom jello squid bat and all


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Acme
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 12:47 PM

The suitably pacified bees drifted up through a hole in the ceiling to build a hive in the Tavern attic, after a false start - Severn went overboard and tried to play Bobby Goldsboro's song Honey at which point the bees became agitated and began to hover and grumble until the music stopped.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Janie
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 01:44 PM

Janie stumbles in, wondering how she got here. Stands and stares, trying to make sense of what she sees.

A tentacle eases up out of the jello pit and pats her gently on the back. From behind the bar, MMario looks over, and says, "You think too much," as he hands her a Glenlivet, one ice cube. As she takes it from his hand he adds, "Sip, don't toss. Savor the burn."


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Acme
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 02:38 PM

I took a virtual visit over to Amos' new North Carolina spread and found a fir tree that I took the liberty of cutting and hauling to the tavern. It will probably look best on the opposite side of the room from the jello pit.

If someone asks nicely, the ducks and cats that are known to hang around this area might come help decorate it.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 04:18 PM

What ducks?


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Acme
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 05:11 PM

The cats and ducks that are ALWAYS hanging around the tavern. Go find past seasons - you'll see them perching in the rafters watching the events below. But you were always busy roasting auroch in the kitchen, so maybe you didn't notice.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 07:32 PM

Actually, there's no such thing as an "auroch". "Aurochs" is both the singular and the plural. Kinda like "deer" or "sheep"...but backwards.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 10:03 PM

Up high, the bees are reproducing. Soon there will be many sons of bees there.

Below, a chimpanzee wearing a fluffy red dress is dancing with Little Hawk to the haunting strains of "Animal Fair."


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 10:52 PM

... what became of the chimp the chimp the chimp the chimp the chimp ...


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 01:58 AM

Did you see that?

Neither did I!

(Stolen, like the wombat's underwear. Points to anyone recognizing that reference...)


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: DMcG
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 04:18 AM

Pondering Bee-Dubya-ell's words of wisdom, DMcG is wondering why trousers and a pair trousers are the same thing, that you can't get a trouser but you can trouser something.

He orders a very large brandy in an attempt to make this seem reasonable.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 06:31 AM

...which brings up the age-old question, "Why do we have a pair of trousers, but only one bra?"


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 12:29 PM

That must have been someone else. I would only play "Honey" (or anything by Bobby Goldsboro) unless I was trying to inflict torture on someone I loathed. (That also goes for Bobby Vinton or Bobby Vee, for that matter). I'm. Not aware of any enemies in here.

Meanwhile, the Christmas tree, which was beginning to topple from the crowd of protesters pushing and shoving to hide behind it. In rushes DeFrosty, the only one among us who a bee couldn't hurt, in time to catch the tree and prop it back up, with some help from a duck and two bats from the rafters who grabbed the top of the tree. DeFrosty had been outside patching up the yellow spots with fresh white snow. The crowd cheers the snowman and the duck and the bats. The alligator tending the bar sets up vodka for all of them

There is the matter of some decorations that had fallen off the tree to the floor and need to be replaced.

The Squid is present, but where is the wife and the Squidlets?

Ducks and bats scatter in all directions, as the Yule Gibbons from the Hairy Simian Chorale, having spent time drinking after the bees had chased them out of the apiary, were not freely swinging from the rafters and making Tarzan calls. Being a trained choir,they were making them in perfect harmony.......

The two, now drunken bats left the bar and are now teasing the wombat, saying, "What kind of bat are you if you can't FLY?"......


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 12:53 PM

Bats! OF COURSE the Tavern has bats!

What's going on in the stables outside the Tavern?


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 02:10 PM

What the... asks the Gnome. Never mind what I was drinking before, I'll have a pint of whatever this lot are on :-)

DtG


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 03:33 PM

A whole pint of that ever-so-potent brew might be too much. Stick to the drinks to be had at the Tavern itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 06:51 PM

Filling in for Amos, who was doing a def poetry jam, J.C. the bartender, began hammering the bar loudly with his ice hammer.
ATTENTION ATTENTION I have an announcement!

I have been getting reports from folks that they are seeing bizarre talking animals of all kinds...
That's when I realized I have been seeing them myself and didn't think twice. So listen up back there... If you had any of the stuffed mushrooms or the sliced cactus snacks please come to the bar and report how many you ate. Don't worry, I had 3 mushrooms myself and I'm OK. If you are seeing bees and talking cats that's perfectly normal.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 07:41 PM

Of course it is.....don't they all talk?

Meanwhile, the wombat is reclining in the jello pit enjoying the sights and sounds of the season, whatever it is. No one seems to have decided.

In the tree above, a drop bear is waking from a long hibernation. Sometime in the next hour or two or three or four an unsuspecting person will walk under that tree, and the drop bear will drop......


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Acme
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 07:49 PM

Amos will probably arrive in the Tavern through the closet that is shared by the Mudcat Recovery Ward. Nurse Ratched (OMG - we forgot about her!) may have gotten her hands on him. Someone dive through the snow boots and jackets and see if he's in there. And is okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 08:20 PM

Amos? Okay? "Silly don't be," says the little green man with pointed ears in the booth behind the wood for the fireplace. "Okay Amos is not now. Nor ever was he." And he continues eating plankton soup with croutons.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 10:36 PM

The wombat in the jello pits themself against the Gnome.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 04:26 AM

Two Siamese cats stroll into the Tavern, have a quick wee on the Wombat, lick the jelly, hiss rudely at the Giant Squid and the Chimp, then settle down on the lap of a rather wrinkled old lady in a pinny sitting smiling in the corner, while eating two buttered crumpets and swigging from a bottle of Old Speckled Hen.
The cats break into a garbled song, which is soon identified as "We wish you a Merry Christmas." (In Siamese of course) The old lady nods vigorously in agreement...


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 04:32 AM

Along as it's a drinking contest, no problems.

:D tG


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Subject: RE: Attack of the Bat=Diefledremaus
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 09:59 AM

Winds in the east, mist coming in,
Like somethin' is brewin' and bout to begin.
Can't put me finger on what lies in store,
But I fear what's to happen all happened before.
In an old tavern that was an old house
This story bout bats was diefladermaus


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 01:34 PM

In another corner a swordsman drains another flagon and begins to sing:

Trinke, Liebchen, trinke schnell,
trinken macht die Augen hell.
Sind die schönen Auglein klar,
siehst du alles licht und wahr.
Siehst, wie heisse Lieb' ein Traum,
der uns äffet sehr,
siehst, wie ew'ge Treue Schaum,
so was gibt's nicht mehr!
Flieht auch manche Illusion,
die dir einst dein Herz erfreut,
gibt der Wein dir Tröstung schon
durch Vergessenheit!
Glücklich ist, wer vergisst,
was doch nicht zu ändern ist.
Kling, kling, sing, sing, sing,
trink mit mir, sing mit mir,
Lalala, lalala...


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: DMcG
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 02:00 PM

DMcG checks his phone to see if he is in the right time zone ...


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 07:23 PM

Bee-dubya checks his phone to see if he's in The Twilight Zone....


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 09:16 PM

Finishing his song, he begins another:

In taberna quando sumus,
non curamus quid sit humus,
sed ad ludum properamus,
cui semper insudamus.
quid agatur in taberna
ubi nummus est pincerna,
hoc est opus ut quaeratur;
si quid loquar, audiatur.

Quidam ludunt,
quidam bibunt,
quidam indiscrete vivunt.
sed in ludo qui morantur,
ex his quidam denudantur,
quidam ibi vestiuntur,
quidam saccis induuntur;
ibi nullus timet mortem,
sed pro Baccho mittunt sortem.

Primo pro nummata vini;
ex hac bibunt libertini;
semel bibunt pro captivis,
post haec bibunt ter pro vivis,
quater pro Christianis cunctis...


and stops when a tankard, thrown by Squiddy, knocks him unconscious.


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Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mr Red
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 03:56 AM

Actually, there's no such thing as an "auroch".

so if the mighty beast were too big for the spit, you would cut it in half.

What do you call half an aurochs?

Just saying


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