Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 09 Oct 22 - 12:02 PM

All the girls are busy knitting jumpers or he Jumper Song 1919
Writer/composer
Weston and Lee

Music Hall Performers
Will Evans
Folk performances
Source Singers
Pritchard, Howard 1962 England : Gloucestershire
Chappell, Bill 1970 England : Lincolnshire
As transcribed on GlosTrad site

Now Baa Baa black sheep have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, I’ve three bags full.
Then give me your ’ot un let your mutton go bare,
For all the girls are busy knit ting jumpers ev’ry where.
And there ain’t one that’s worth three and six as a rule,
It takes ten pairs of needles and two tons of wool.
 
But all the girls they’re busy knitting jumpers,
Busy knitting jumpers all day long.
Can’t you hear the jumper girls saying
"First two plain and then two purl,
Knit one slip one, make a stitch and drop one."
Leave the needles in the chair,
So that Pa with the hump’s got to do the jumpers’ jump.
Shouting "Jumpers, jumpers, jumpers ev’ry where!"
 
Miss Jane Jones had jumpers on the brain
Her young man said "Wed me, Jane"
Said Jane "You must wait ’till my jumper’s done, Jack."
He went away for seven years but when he came back
She was still saying "Two plain" and Jack said "Ta ta."
You keep saying two plain and by gosh you are."
 
Now in the trams and buses they’ll sit,
And they knit, knit, knit, knit knit, knit, knit.
They purchase the wool at a guinea a pound,
And they gets a lot of little holes and puts the wool around.
At ninepence a stitch, jumpers cost quite a lot,
And the little holes between ’em cost God knows what!
 
A song from the 1920s , remembered by traditional singers 40 or 50 years later.
After the Great War there was a craze in the UK for knitting, apparently people stopped knitting for the troops, and started knitting for themselves. This song was written by the prolific Weston and Lee, and was sung in the pantomime Cinderella by Will Evans. The performance apparently involved a chorus line of men in drag knitting in time to the song. (See also Lloyd George of Criccieth )

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 09 Oct 22 - 12:55 PM

Do you want us to lose the war
Weston / Lee 1917








Music Hall Performers
Sam Mayo
Folk performances
Source Singers
Unklnown, 1960 England : Sheffield
Porter, Bill 1961 England : Sussex
Modern performances
Coope, Boyes and Simpson
From 1917 sheet music

A lady went to the butcher’s shop for half a pound of meat.
The butcher carved her off a slice that wasn’t very sweet.
She sniffed at it and said, “Oh dear, is that the best you’ve got?
It smells too high for me to buy”, the butcher shouted, “What?

Do you want us to lose the war? Do you want us to lose the war?
It’s not very tasty I’ll freely admit,
But you’ve got to ’ave it and put up with it.
You can’t stop that old cow from doing its bit.
Do you want us to lose the war?”

A soldier sat with a lady fair inside the park one night
He squeezed and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed and then he squeezed her tight
She said "I'm married, you must know, and so I can't kiss you"
The soldiers said "I shan't go back to camp until you do.

Do you want us to lose the war? Do you want us to lose the war?
And when she got back to her husband, what sauce!
He had her brought up to the court for divorce.
Said the judge: "Is it true?" And she answered "Of course -.
Do you want us to lose the war?”

Oh, Brown sat in the Rose and Crown and talked about the war.
He dipped his finger in ’is beer and then began to draw.
Said he, “Now here’s the British lines and here’s the German foe.”
Then the potman shouted “Time!”, and Brown said, “’Alf a mo’!

Do you want us to lose the war? Do you want us to lose the war?
I’d mapped it all out we were certain to win,
Then you shouted out “Time!” and I think it’s a sin.
With another ’alf pint we’d ’ave been in Berlin.
Do you want us to lose the war?”

A youth and maid went for a walk one night not far from here.
The girl said to her boy: "I wish you'd buy some chocolate's dear!"
He went into a shop for some, with cunning in his eyes,
The shopman nearly had a fit, and answered with surprise:

Do you want us to lose the war? Do you want us to lose the war?
Then said as he picked up the seven-pound weight,
"Get out of it quick or I'll murder you straight!
Fancy asking for chocolates at twenty past eight!
Do you want us to lose the war?
An early 20th century Music Hall song remembered by traditional singers in the 1960s, though various new verses seem to have been added over time.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 09 Oct 22 - 02:52 PM

I’ve got rings on my fingers or The Irish Nabob
Written by RP Weston and FJ Barnes Music by Maurice Scott

Music Hall Performers
Ellaline Terriss
Now Jim O'Shea was cast away
Upon an Indian Isle.
The natives there they liked his hair,
They liked his Irish smile,
So made him chief Panjandrum,
The Nabob of them all.
They called him Jij-ji-boo Jhai,
And rigged him out so gay,
So he wrote to Dublin Bay,
To his sweetheart, just to say:

Sure, I've got rings on my fingers, bells on my toes,
Elephants to ride upon, my little Irish Rose;
So come to your Nabob, and next Patrick's Day,
Be Mistress Mumbo Jumbo Jij-ji-boo J. O'Shea.

Across the sea went Rose Magee
To see her Nabob grand.
He sat within his palanquin,
And when she kissed his hand,
He led her to his harem,
Where he had wives galore.
She started shedding a tear;
Said he, "Now have no fear,
I'm keeping these wives here
Just for ornament, my dear."

In emerald green he robed his queen,
To share with him his throne.
'Mid eastern charms and waving palms
They'd shamrocks, Irish grown,
Sent all the way from Dublin
To Nabob J. O'Shea
But in his palace so fine
Should Rose for Ireland pine,
With smiles her face will shine
When he murmurs, "Sweetheart mine"
A song that was written in Britain, by the prolific Bob Weston, this time with help from Barnes and Scott. It was a huge hit in America, appearing in several Broadway shows, including Captain Kidd, The Midnight Sons and The Yankee Girl.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 10 Oct 22 - 05:45 AM

It won’t last very very long or The Cinderella 1902
Lyrics RP Weston Music Frank W Carter

Music Hall Performers Harry Champion


One fine night I toddled to a dance, what the people call a 'cinderella'
I wore a button-hole, and the girls upon my soul
Said I was a 'pretty little feller'
Soon to me came Arabella Brown, pulling up her railway sock
'Oh Mr Winkle-pip, do have a waltz, it's just on twelve o' clock.

So it won't last very, very long
It won't last very, very long
Round we went till I said, 'Whoa!
They'll be trouble in a tick, I know
There's buttons on my trousers, and the pin's not over strong
Run away, Miss Brown, I must go and sit down
And it won't last very, very long.'

Late last night - oh talk about a fright,
Taking off my clobber I had just been
I was dying with the pip - went to go to 'kip'
Soon I heard a struggle in the dust-bin
Up I shoved my window in a jiff, saw a tabby cat outside
Chasing another one around the yard, 'If that's your game,' I cried.

It won't last very, very long
It won't last very, very long
Off I went and got my gun
Shot one bullet in his hot-cross-bun
Tom said, 'Now you've got a bull's eye
My bell goes ding-ding-dong
You've done quite enough to my little bit of fluff
So it won't last very, very long.'

Yesterday I went and sold my horse
Really ought to took him to the knacker's
For to make him go I always had to sew
On his tail a blooming lot of crackers
I white-washed him out in the yard
Put sticks in his ears somehow
They looked like horns, so I sold him for
A good milking cow. But,

It won't last very, very long
It won't last very, very long
The rain came down, the white-wash dripped
The old milk man a big pail gripped
His old gal said, 'What a funny cow.
Something must be wrong.'
Then cried, 'I suppose it's an overflow of milk
And it won't last very, very long.'

Last week, straight, I went and won a pig
Got it in a raffle for a tanner
I didn't want to roam, quickly took it home
And gave it to the old woman, Hannah
Friday we made jelly of its feet
Saturday we fried its head
I made a bacca-pouch of its ears
Then my old woman said,

It won't last very, very long
It won't last very, very long
All the kids they turn quite pale
When we wallop them with that pig's tail
Off its waistcoat of a night time
When baby starts his song
We cut him off a button for an indiarubber teat
So it won't last very, very long.'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 10 Oct 22 - 06:00 AM

Why shouldn’t we sing? By Weston and Lee 1916

Music Hall Performers
Florrie Forde

Down in Aberyswtith, midst the hills and dales,
Many Welshmen gathered there to sing the praise of Wales.
Hearts and voices blending in a feast of song;
Though some declared, in wartime it was wrong.
There amongst the songsters on the mountain side,
The greatest Welshman in the land stood up and said with pride;

"Sing, sing, why shouldn't we sing?
Though days are dreary, let us be cheery.
Sing, sing, let melody flow;
Are the home fires out yet?  No, no, no!
Sing, sing, why shouldn't we sing?
For there's one thing we never should forget;
Old John Bull is still alive and kicking,
And we haven't pulled the blinds down yet!

Sing a little chorus, never mind your voice.
Sing; if you were dumpy it would make your heart rejoice.
Sing although your pack boys, weighs just half a ton
Sing, and half the victoy is won.
There's a little rainbow shining in the sky;
Now we know that brighter days are coming, by and by.

Sing, sing, why shouldn't we sing?
Though days are dreary, let us be cheery.
Sing, sing, let melody flow;
Are the home fires out yet?  No, no, no!
Sing, sing, why shouldn't we sing?
For there's one thing we never should forget;
Old John Bull is still alive and kicking,
And we haven't pulled the blinds down yet!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 12 Oct 22 - 05:19 AM

End of me old cigar (The)
Lyrics Weston Music RP David

Music Hall performers Harry Champion, 1914

Now, twenty Christmases ago the Landlord of the 'Star'
Said 'Here's a Christmas box for you a nine-penny cigar'
I smoked it up to Easter, then my dear devoted wife
Said 'Why not throw the end away?' I said 'Not on your life.'

That's the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
I stroll up Piccadilly and they fancy I'm the Shah
I've kept it now for twenty years to do the la-di-da
And I'd rather lose my job then the end of my old cigar.

The other Whitsun Monday we all toddled to the zoo
I puffed away at my cigar and choked the kangaroo
And then I saw an animal that caused a lot of chaff
'Twas called the 'Um-ga-zoo-ze-lum' and just to make it laugh.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
I tickled it beneath the chin, and then the wife's Mamma
Cried out 'It hasn't got a tail, it does look singular
So I borrowed a pin and I stuck on the end of my old cigar.

I went to see Lord Kitchener a week or two ago
I said 'I've got a great idea to kill the German foe'
I said 'If you send me out there, I'll stop their swank and bluff
Then just to show my dignity, I took another puff.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
I said 'You leave this war to me, old cock. and there you are
If I can't kill 'em off with shells, they'll get a nasty jar
I'll poison the whole darned lot of them with the end of my old cigar.

I used to be a sailor, but when I was on the sea
The vessel struck upon a rock just off the Zuyder Zee
The Captain yelled 'We're sinking' But I said 'You're up the pole.'
And soon they saw your humble servant bunging up the hole.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
I bunged the hole up in the ship and saved each jolly tar
But soon they shouted 'Fire' but the cabin boy said 'Bah,
He's under the boat and puffing away at the end of his old cigar.

To help the Prince of Wales' fund, and do our little share
We gave a swell bazaar down at the Mission room, and there
My wife was selling kisses to the Dukes and Earls it's true
She charged them half a sov'reign each, and I was helping too.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
We got the Prince of Wales a thousand pounds at our bazaar
The wife was selling kisses to the swells at 'half a bar'
And I was running a peep show with the end of my old cigar.

As I was coming home one night I saw a house on fire
I thought I'd show my courage that the ladies all admire
So I climbed up a ladder, and the flames began to fight (?)
Then just to show how cool I was, I stopped to get a light.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
Then all at once my missus shouted 'Wake up, can't you Pa
I told you not to smoke in bed, you fool, and there you are
You've burned a hole in your nightshirt with the end of your old cigar.

I went to good old Southend, and when night began to fall
I thought I'd go and have a swim behind a cockle stall
But there I found a lady who'd been washed up on the shore
She'd nothing on but seaweed, so I took another draw.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
She shouted out to me 'Oh sir, I don't know who you are
But give me something, do, to put round my fig-ah
So I gave her the 'band' I'd taken off the end of my old cigar

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 12 Oct 22 - 07:57 AM

NEVER LET YOUR BRACES DANGLE
 Written and composed by Barnes/Weston
Recorded 1910 by Harry Champion (1866-1942)

I was one of eighteen boys, all of us wore corduroys
I was roughest of the gang, for my braces used to hang
Dangling all around my feet, and Mother used to bawl
Pointing to the text so neat, she'd hung upon the wall

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
Never thieve, don't deceive and never row or wrangle
Stick to the right, get away from the bad
Don't get as tight as your poor old Dad
But the greatest motto of the lot, my lad
Is never let your braces dangle.

Once I went to Berkeley Hunt, I was standing well in front
But I dropped my collar stud, so I knelt down in the mud
Some short-sighted major saw my braces hung behind
Jumped up on my back, oh lor, the thought came to my mind

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
Said fat Mac, upon my back, as me he tried to strangle
'Ho tally ho, Ho tally ho,
Ain't you a horse?' And I answered, 'No'
Then he pulled my reins, and then said 'Gee whoa'
Never let your braces dangle.

Drinking rum the other night, I set all the house alight
So I scampered up the stair, squeezing thro' the skylight there
Being fat, I stuck half way and ma-in-law below
Grabbed my braces said, 'Hooray! With you I mean to go'

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
She said, 'John' as she hung on, 'To save me you must wangle'
After the fire when the danger was o'er
I got a bob on the medal I wore
But I couldn't get tuppence for my mother-in-law
So never let your braces dangle.

Mrs Murphy's got a mat, 'tain't the skin of some tom cat
On the floor it looks no doubt, like a man been flattened out
I said to her, 'Mary Ann, your carpet does look queer'
She said, 'That's my first old man' And whispered in my ear

Chorus: 'Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
Poor old sport, he got caught, and dragged right through the mangle
Over the roller then he went, by gum
And out he came like linoleum
Now you've wiped your feet on his rum-tum-tum
So never let your braces dangle'

One night seated in the park, with a lady after dark
Kidding I was Lord Mcduff, her younger brother _ what a rough
Shouted, 'Hi, I know you by your braces round your feet'
Saying, when upon the sly, he'd tied me to the seat

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
I was tied there side by side with Lucy, what a tangle
Up came my wife and she called me a flirt
I wriggled out of my pants for a cert.
And she yelled as she hung on to the tails of my shirt
Never let your braces dangle.

Fed on oatmeal from a kid, I got very Scotch I did
So I joined the Scotch Brigade, but first day on parade
Round my knees my braces hung and straight I blushed with guilt
Said the Colonel, 'Private Bung, when marching in your kilt.

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
You're not built for a kilt,' said Colonel Jock Mcfangle
The wind's very high, very high on the heath
And the girls won't smile or show their teeth
If they think you've trousers underneath
So never let your braces dangle.

On a foggy afternoon once, we had to shoot the moon
On the barrow I had got, bedstead, chairs and all the lot
But I stuck it with a will, though people in the road
Shouted, while up Highgate Hill I dragged my little load

Chorus: Never let your braces dangle. dingle, dingle, dangle
Up that hill I stuck it till, my legs got in a tangle
Got to the top, said a chap, 'Here we are'
He undid my braces, and murmured 'Ta'
For I'd been 'cock-horse' to his tramway car
So never let your braces dangle.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 12 Oct 22 - 11:09 AM

Hobnailed boots that my father wore, The
Written by RP Weston & F J Barnes
Performed by Billy Williams

Poor Farver’s feet took up half the street
So his boots were in proportion
And the kids he’d squash in a day, by gosh
It really was a caution.

Now me and my brother, from the age of four
Up to eleven, used to sleep and snore
Nice and cosy in a box of straw
In the hobnailed boots that my farver wore.

On Lord Mayor’s day, just to shout hooray
Farver went and how he sauced ‘em
But he blocked the street with his big feet
And the Lord Mayor drove across ‘em.

And as he went a riding through the Guild hall door
Farver fell wallop on his back, oh lor'
And the crowd stopped hooraying then, for all they saw
Were the hobnailed boots that my Farver wore.

I’ve got good teeth, and it’s my belief
I must thank Farver for it
For if we’ve got coke and we want it broke
I pick it up and gnaw it.

You’ve all got to eat a peck of dirt or more
Before you snuff it, it’s a wise old saw
Well I’ve had my whack, I cut me teeth - oh lor'
On the hobnailed boots that my Farver wore.

When young Kate and Flo went to Southend, so
As money they’d be saving
Farver’s boot was seen as a bathing machine
In it, they undressed for bathing.

While they were undressing, they forgot, I’m sure
The Farver’d cut for his corn - oh lor'
Now the boys are a giggling at what they saw
In the hobnailed boots that my Farver wore.

We had a goat with a cast iron throat
Though he never used to bite us
Farver’s boots he chewed, and the goat they slewed
For he died of appendicitis

Now that goat had whiskers, and they touched the floor
And when they were plaited by the kids next door
Made the finest laces that you ever saw
For the hobnailed boots that my farver wore.

We took a trip on a great big ship
But my farver, so misguided
Wouldn’t walk about with his legs stretched out
So the ship it went lopsided.

Down went the vessel through a hole in the floor
And all ‘cept the captain’s mother-in-law
Were saved that night, for they rode ashore
In the hobnailed boots that farver wore.

Farver worked one day, building ships they say
For the Navy down at Chatham
And some German spies opened wide their eyes
When his big boots they looked at ‘em.

When those spies from Germany his big boots saw
They wired to the Kaiser “Build two ships more”
What they thought were Britannia ships-of war
Were the hobnailed boots that farver wore.

When I went to school Oh I looked a fool
For one day when we were drilling
My teacher said, “Toe the line, fathead.”
And I did, though most unwilling.

Said she, “Don’t keep backing through the school house door
But just toe the line, as I’ve told you before
“Oh he has towed the line” said the kids with a roar
In the hobnailed boots that farver wore.

The afternoon that we shot the moon
All the tallymen we took in
For we paid ‘em nix and we moved our sticks
While the landlord stood there lookin’.

But my farver he walked as if his feet were sore
As he limped up the ally to the Old Brown Boar
For we’d tucked the piano in the toes, oh lor'
Of the hobnailed boots that farver wore.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 12 Oct 22 - 02:22 PM

Here comes OXO written by
RP Weston and Fred Barnes
Performed Billy Williams

Now, Two little bow-legged boys
And one little knock-kneed kid
Knocked their heads, I mean their legs
Together oh yes they did.
Said the one with the legs like X
'You two have legs like O's
But stand by me and I'll get all three
Good food and the finest clothes.'
So out they went all three
And the people yelled with glee:

Here comes OXO, O-X-O, Oxo.'
While the kids walked down the street
They advertised extract of meat.
With gaily coloured socks, Oh, they chase the fairer sex
While the bow-legged boys walked one each side,
Of the kiddie with legs like X

These three little Oxo boys
The Oxo firm soon found
Went in all three to the Company
And demanded a thousand pounds.
Said the boss with a smiling face:
'You're a good advert I know,'
And they gave each kid a hundred quid
And told them they could go.
And as they marched away
You could hear the people say:

These three little Oxo boys
With the cash they got that day
On pleasure to the country went
But they met three bulls, they say.
These three little Oxo boys
Were tossed up by each bull
With pants all burst
They came head first
Through a skylight on the school.
As through the air they fell,
The scholars gave a yell:

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 13 Oct 22 - 05:47 AM

Rawtenstall Annual fair or At Rawtenstall Fair
Written by R P Weston & Bert Lee
Performed by Randolph Sutton


As written by Weston and Lee and recorded by Randolph Sutton
Just behind the gasworks down in Rawtenstall
That's a little town in Lancashire
They'd some fun up there, ee they did an all
Last Friday week they had a fair up theer
They had coconuts swings and figure eights
Switchback robots and a roundabout
Eeh and everyone said what gradely fun
When the lads and lasses heard the showman shout

Walk up walk up come and see the fat girl
Forty stone of loveliness and every bit her own
Oh what a picture with the accent on the pig
Farmers with their walking sticks were giving her a dig
But the gradely lassie didn't say that her chassis
Had been blown up with gas I do declare
She really looked lovely until a silly clown
Stuck a pin in her said the showman with a frown
All hands to the pump lass, the vessel's going down
At the Rawtenstall Annual Fair

Walk up walk up see the house of mystery
Ladies pay a tanner and be tickled in the dark
In went the women saying ee but this is cheap
Showman pulled the lever and they all fell in a heap
Through a hole they shot and when they got to the bottom
There were frills and flounces everywhere
The girls started screaming it caused a lot of strife
I never saw so many legs and stockings in my life
I saw some funny things I'd only seen upon the wife
At the Rawtenstall Annual Fair

Walk up walk up come and see the mermaid
All her life alive and half a woman half a fish
In went the fellers just to see it wasn't swank
Little Johnny Higgins poured some whiskey in the tank
Well she got so frisky when she swam in the whiskey
The first time that she came up for air
She bumped in the audience and gave her tail a swish
Her tail tumbled off and she really looked delish
She shouted what do you fancy a bit of meat or a bit of fish
At the Rawtenstall Annual Fair

Walk up walk up come and get your money's worth
See the tattooed lady with the pictures on her skin
In went the fellows and they all began to cheer
For on her skin were painted all the towns of Lancashire
On her form so pretty she had Manchester City
With the town hall stuck up in the square
She'd Bolton and Bacup and Ashton-under-Lyne
The coalpits at Bardsley I thought were very fine
But they all started singing 'Daddy, Don't go down the mine'
At the Rawtenstall Annual Fair

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: GUEST,Len Kennington
Date: 13 Oct 22 - 09:23 AM

The legend has it, they wrote a song a day for twenty years! Possibly an exaggeration, but their output is phenomenal. Can anyone help - R.P.Weston (1878-1936)   Bert Lee (1880-1946) then Harris Weston (son) joined the team on & off from the late 20s onward - anyone know his dates?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 13 Oct 22 - 11:51 AM

Revised version of Here comes OXO

Here comes OXO written by
RP Weston and Fred Barnes
Performed Billy Williams

Now, Two little bow-legged boys
And one little knock-kneed kid
Knocked their heads, I mean their legs
Together oh yes they did.
Said the one with the legs like X
'You two have legs like O's
But stand by me and I'll get all three
Good food and the finest clothes.'
So out they went all three
And the people yelled with glee:

Here comes OXO, O-X-O, Oxo.'
While the kids walked down the street
They advertised extract of meat.
With gaily coloured socks, Oh, they chase the fairer sex
While the bow-legged boys walked one each side,
Of the kiddie with legs like X

These three little Oxo boys
The Oxo firm soon found
Went in all three to the Company
And demanded a thousand pounds.
Said the boss with a smiling face:
'You're a good advert I know,'
And they gave each kid a hundred quid
And told them they could go.
And as they marched away
You could hear the people say:

Here comes OXO, O-X-O, Oxo.'
While the kids walked down the street
They advertised extract of meat.

With gaily coloured socks, Oh, they chase the fairer sex
While the bow-legged boys walked one each side,
Of the kiddie with legs like X
These three little Oxo boys
With the cash they got that day
On pleasure to the country went
But they met three bulls, they say.
These three little Oxo boys
Were tossed up by each bull
With pants all burst
They came head first
Through a skylight on the school.
As through the air they fell,
The scholars gave a yell:

Here comes OXO, O-X-O, Oxo.'
While the kids walked down the street
They advertised extract of meat.
With gaily coloured socks, Oh, they chase the fairer sex
While the bow-legged boys walked one each side,
Of the kiddie with legs like X

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 14 Oct 22 - 04:57 PM

If you meet a vessel in distress 1906
Written by R P Weston
From sheet music held by the British Music Hall Society


Standing on an ocean liner, gazing o'er the stormy sea
The Captain saw in a blinding gale
A ship in distress bearing but a rag of sail
"Standby! Lads" he gave the order"
"Standby! Till the storm has passed"
For I'll have you know, many years ago,
When a lad before the mast,
My captain always said to me,
"This is the rule, my lad at sea:"

If you should meet with a vessel in distress,
Stand by! Stand by!
Render all the aid you can,
Be he Man-o’-war or Merchantman
Sail right up and throw him out a line,
Take him in tow,
For you might want somebody to stand by you
Some day, you never know!

All of you vessels sailing, sailing o'er the seas of life,
And in the storm or in the calm sublime,
Your heart is the crew and the captain all the time;
So if sinking ships should hail you
Standby! For you must confess,
Though he flies no flag
Every tattered rag
Is a signal of distress;
He'll make the harbour safe, no doubt,
If you will help him so launch out.

If you should meet with a vessel in distress,
Stand by! Stand by!
Render all the aid you can,
Be he Man-o’-war or Merchantman
Sail right up and throw him out a line,
Take him in tow,
For you might want somebody to stand by you
Some day, you never know!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 15 Oct 22 - 04:26 PM

In these hard times by R P Weston & Fred Barnes 1924
Performed by Whit Cunliffe

Things are bad, awful bad,
In fact they've never been worse before
But every single chappie can make a girlie happy
Food is dear, rent is dear,
But love is cheap for the time of year
So grab the nearest Miss
And whisper while you kiss.

In these hard times you've got to put up with anything
In these hard times you mustn't pick and choose'
And if you're nice, and squeeze her tight
She'll ask you round tomorrow night
If you don't mind sitting without a light
In these hard times.

Farmer Brown came to town
He spent the day at the cattle show
Then went to wet his whistle, inside the hotel Cecil
Lady fair, near him there
Had all her neck and shoulders bare
Said Farmer Brown 'Alack'
As he saw her dainty back.

In these hard times you've got to put up with anything
In these hard times you mustn't pick and choose
This fancy kind of o' dress ye wear
Leaves all ye neck and shoulders bare
But you're lucky to be dressed up to there.'
In these hard times.

Missis Green, rather mean
Went out last Saturday marketing
And saw out in the gutter, a codfish on a shutter
She felt its gums, poked her thumbs
All round the fish and she said 'Oh crumbs
It don't look nice at all'
Then the coster had to bawl

In these hard times you've got to put up with anything
In these hard times you mustn't pick and choose'
That codfish there's a sacrifice,
And I ask ye Ma'am would you look nice
If you'd 'ave been torpedoed twice, in these hard times?'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 16 Oct 22 - 08:49 AM

In these old Lavender Trousers
Written by R P Weston & Harry Bedford
Performed by Harry Bedford, 1910s, 20s

I know what you're looking at, people. What you've got your eyes on I can tell.
It's these dear old lavender trousers, wishing you'd a pair like them as well.
My granddad left them to me so I could look a toff,
And I said till I was dead, I would never take them off.

In these old lavender trousers I've skipped and jumped and skated,
Laughed and wept, worked and slept, and twice been vaccinated.
I've drunk four ale, I've drunk champagne, been up the pole and down a drain.
I won the heart of Mary Jane in these old lavender trousers!

Late last night I toddled in Lipton's. Everybody yelled, "Here's someone big!
Who's that in those lavender trousers? Henery the eighth or Lipton's pig?"
I ran round the counter quick, and when I wasn't seen,
Down my legs I stowed some eggs, and a roll of margarine,

In these old lavender trousers. But soon I did feel shocking!
I turned green. The margarine was running down my stocking.
Lipton called a man in blue, then all the eggs were hatching too.
All the little chicks went, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" in these old lavender trousers.

Once when I was staying in Brighton, mashing all the girls on the prom, what-what!
Dazzling them with my lavender trousers, suddenly the girls yelled out, "Great Scott!"
Some old chap was running round wrapped up in wet seaweed,
Shouting, "Dogs, they've pinched my togs!" so like a friend in need,

In these old lavender trousers, said I, "There's room for two, sir!
Though you're fat, and I'm like that, I'm sure there's room for you, sir!"
And all the girls began to screech, for he and I had one leg each,
And arm in arm we toddled up the beach in these old lavender trousers.

Last year we had a week in Blackpool, hadn't got a trunk or a bag, and so
Packed the things in the back of my trousers. I was a walking portmanteau.
When we reached the station, Oh! My missus, what a brain!
Said, "don't pay for the kid, you jay! Smuggle him into the train."

In these old lavender trousers, I pushed our little Sammy,
Walked right thro', and paid for two: me and his dear mammy.
But that kid, when the guard came round, got me pinched and fined a pound,
'Cos he poked his head thro' a hole that he had found in these old lavender trousers.

Once I was a tragedy actor—thirty bob a week, and a real big star!
When the limelight shone on these trousers, ladies in the stalls would faint—ah, ah!
In the drama "Dirty Dick" I fairly froze their blood,
Till the lords up in the "gawds" started throwing lumps of mud.

In these old lavender trousers, to act I wasn't willin'.
They kicked me on and the limelight shone, and the heroine said, "Vill'in!
Have you no heart for a woman's woe? No tender feeling at all? No, no!"
Then I rubbed my patch and I said, "What oh!" in these old lavender trousers.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 16 Oct 22 - 11:40 AM

Little Willie’s Woodbines
Or Little Billy’s Woodbines
Or Willie’s Wild Woodbines
Written by Fred Barnes and RP Weston


Little Billy Williams found a penny in a garden
One fine summer's day,
And as little Billy never had more than a 'farden',
He said, 'Hip-hoo-ray!'
Then passing a tobacconist's where cigarettes were sold,
There he beheld some little packets, coloured green and gold.
Then Billy said, 'Although I'm only six, I'll be a sport.'
He toddled in that bacca shop and this is what he bought:

Five little fags in a dainty little packet,
Five cigarettes that cost one D.
Five little pains underneath his jacket,
Five wobbles in his little Mary,
Five little whiffs and in five little jiffs
He was rolling in the tramway lines,
Wishing he could touch the cable,
Looking greener than the label
Of little Billy's wild Woodbines.

When he puffed the first one he said, 'This don't seem a good'un!
The next might be all right.'
When he lit the second he said, 'Wish I'd bought plum-pudden,
Else a paper kite.'
I never thought the world went round,' he murmered at the third,
'But now I've seen it dancing I can take my teacher's word.'
Then at the fourth he felt so bad, he hic-cup'd with a frown,
'Grub ain't so nice a-coming up as when it's going down.'

Five little fags in a dainty little packet,
Five cigarettes that cost one D.
Five little pains underneath his jacket,
Five wobbles in his little Mary,
Five little whiffs and in five little jiffs
He was rolling in the tramway lines,
Sadly saying, 'Close the shutter,
Billy's dead but do not utter
A word of Billy's wild Woodbines.

Little Billy Williams he lay flatter than a flounder,
Full of miseree.
Suddenly along the road came P.C. Binns, the bounder,
'What's up here?' said he.
Then lighting up his bulls-eye, it disclosed the shocking fact,
That Billy had been smoking right against the latest act.
He picked up all the evidence, those half-smoked woodbines four,
And scowled as little Billy said, 'Please sir, I've got one more.'

One little fag in a dainty little packet,
One cigarette that cost one D.
One little pain underneath his jacket,
One wobble in his little Mary,
One little whiff and in one little jiff
While he lay upon the tramway line,
Poor little Billy felt like dying,
And that policeman, he was crying,
But that copper pinched his last Woodbine.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 16 Oct 22 - 02:36 PM

Scented Soap or I like scented soap
Written by Weston and Lee 1929

Having presents given is the greatest joy in life
Some folks choose a crate of scotch and others choose a wife.
Married folks get cruets and teetotallers get tea,
But if you want to know the present you can send to me—

I like scented soap! I like scented soap!
Since scented soap was sent to me,
I've been as clean as clean can be.
I like scented soap as in my bath I frolic,
So if you send me scented soap, don't send carbolic!

A tramp went to a workhouse, having trod a dusty path
They offered him all sorts of soap, but he refused to bath.
They offered him sweet lavender, and then they said he might
Have his bath with violet, so he yelled with delight

I like scented soap! I like scented soap!
Since scented soap was sent to me,
I've been as clean as clean can be.
I like scented soap as in my bath I frolic,
So if you send me scented soap, don't send carbolic!

[spoken] The other day my young man said to me "Olive", he always calls me olive, "May I kiss your palm, olive". I said "Not on your life, boy!". I'm not letting him kiss me in the moonlight any more, I'm so fond of soap I'm making him kiss me in the sun light ...

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 17 Oct 22 - 06:45 AM

Tickle me Timothy, Do or Tickle me Timothy or Tickle me Timothy, Quick 1908
Written by RP Weston / FJ Barnes
Performed by Billy Williams

My old girl's hysterical, and when the fits begin
I have to make her grin - by tickling her under the chin
Shan't forget when courting her, I didn't know the wheeze
And coming home from Brighton once, she shouted 'If you please.'

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
My last train is here' said Lou
I feel like losing it straight I do
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If you don't make me laugh, I shall swallow the ticket
So tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

On the day I married her, she felt bad all the while
I had to make her smile; I tickled her all up the aisle
But as soon as we were one, she trembled like a leaf
And shouted as she jumped about, just like a Zulu chief

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
The Parson here, he makes me cough,
I feel like pulling his nightshirt off
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
As he mightn't have anything under it, Timothy
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Friday, when I laid in bed, a man came round our way
With paper flags so gay, shouting, 'Rags or old bottles today'
My old girl rushed in the room, and grabbed my pantaloons
A-shouting 'If you don't want paper flags or air-balloons.'

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I feel I want to swap your bags
For some air-balloons or some paper flags
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
And you'll have with 'me a waggin' in front of you
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

On an Easter Monday once I took her to the Zoo
She'd nothing much to do, so started a hul-la-ba-loo
Got inside the monkey's cage, the hairy lah-di-dahs
All rubbed their chins against her face, shouted through the bars.

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I feel so gay this afternoon, I feel like kissing the big baboon
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
And he isn't like you; he wants shaving all over,
So tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Martha's rich old uncle Bill, last night in company
He told a tale you see, we all had to giggle with glee
Martha couldn't see the joke; her tears began to flow,
So she flopped down upon my knee, and softly murmured 'Oh

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I'll have to laugh at uncle Bill, or else get nothing out of his Will
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If you're after his money, oh, tickle my funny bone,
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Now she's bought some powder and a box of safety pins
And when the fit begins, she's bound to have somebodies twins
Today she saw a bassinette, just outside our abode
She pounced on it and shouted, as the kids fell in the road

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
The babies are a lovely pair, I feel like grabbing 'em I declare
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If I'm not to have Mister McGillighan's babies,
Oh tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Subject: ADD: We're Living at the Cloisters (Weston & Lee)
From: Monologue John
Date: 18 Oct 22 - 11:30 AM

WE'RE LIVING AT THE CLOISTERS C1930
Weston and Lee / R Harris Weston
Performed by Gracie Fields

We've moved into a 'ouse, such a dinky little 'ouse!
Ma said it would be a crying shame
If we called it Number Two down the Swagger Avenue.
Our mansion ought to have a classy name.
The next-door folks are calling theirs "The Oaks."
It's "The Maples" over the way.
So down upon the gate we've got "The Cloisters" on the plate,
An' we look at it an' proudly say:

We're all livin' at The Cloisters. That's what we call out home.
It's clois ter The Crown. It's clois ter The Plough.
It's clois ter The Anchor an' The Old Dun Cow.
The Cloister's clois ter the brewery. We can all smell what they brew.
And we shan't care tuppence when the rent day comes,
'Cause we're clois ter the workhouse, too.

Our villa might 'ave been "Hollywood" or "Ivy League,"
"The Moated Grange," or something quite as grand,
But I thought "The Cloisters" great when I saw it on the plate,
So I bought it quick for fourpence second-hand.
I screwed it on, and rubbed it till it shone,
Whilst the neighbours call it "Good Lor!
It looks all right, old bean, but what the dickens does it mean?"
So I jobbed(?) it on the front street door.

We're all livin' at The Cloisters. That's what we call out home.
It's clois ter The Crown. It's clois ter The Plough.
It's clois ter The Anchor an' The Old Dun Cow.
The Cloister's clois ter the brewery. We can all smell what they brew.
And we shan't care tuppence when the rent day comes,
'Cause we're clois ter the workhouse, too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9nPps6dicE

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 18 Oct 22 - 02:31 PM

What a Mouth written by R P Weston
Performed by Harry Champion

Jimmy Banks would be a handsome feller
If he had another face and a different smeller
But his mouth queers him from winning in a beauty show
For it looks just like a steam-boat funnel
Or a railway arch, or the Blackwall Tunnel
And you can't see Jim when he opens it wide, you know
And when poor Jim goes walking about
You can hear kids all hollering out

What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South
Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got
When he was a youngster, Oh Lord Lovell
Why, his poor old Mother used to feed him with a shovel
What a gap! Poor chap! He's never been known to laugh
For if he did, it's a penny to a quid
That his face'd fall in half.

Though his great big mouth it ain't all honey
He can whisper in his own ear, ain't it funny?
But to lay the dust he has to drink a lot, oh my
And he got so tight one foggy morning
That he laid down flat in the roadway yawning
As a poor old man was delivering coals near by
And as he went to shift the load
He saw Jim's mouth out in the road.

What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South
Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got
The coalman, an old short-sighted feller
Saw his mouth wide open, and took it for the cellar
And he shot the lot right into his mouth, no joke
For Jim, poor soul, ‘s got a tummy full of coal
And he coughs up lumps of coke!

In the tap room of the Rose and Thistle
Jimmy often has a try to wet his whistle
But he can't succeed until he's had a hundred ‘pots'
First a hundred pots of beer he'll swallow
Then as all his teeth at the back are hollow
He can still find room for a dozen or so ‘rum hots'
A new barmaid came there one night
She saw Jim's face and yelled with fright.

What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South
Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got
He opened it wide and the barmaid hollered
For a pewter pot he had accidentally swallowed
It was hot, that pot, soon melted and now he sits
Down by the fire with a little bit of wire
And he hooks up two bob bits.

Jimmy's wife had such a lovely baby
With a mouth as big as Jim's, or larger, may be
And I shan't forget the morning that he cut one tooth
When the poor young ma heard the baby blubber
For a nice hard teat that was made of rubber
She at once took him to the chemist, and, it's the truth
They could not get inside the door
Till they shut the baby's mouth, oh lor.

What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South
Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got
'As baby's ateething' said his mummy
'Will you please, sir, let me have a penny rubber dummy?'
Said the cove 'Bai Jove' as he sucked a big jujube
'There's no rubber teat for a penny that'll fit
He wants a twopenny tube.'

Jimmy Banks in bed one night was snoring
And the neighbours round about thought a lion was roaring
Then the old Dutch clock, that was hanging on the bedroom wall
From the nail fell into his big mouth wallop
Jim woke, and yelled, 'Go for Doctor Jalap.'
Said his wife, 'No fear! You have swallowed the clock, that's all'
And now the people, isn't it fine
Look down his throat to see the time.

What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South
Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got
The works of the old Dutch clock keep whizzing
In his rum-tum-tummy like a lot of sherbet fizzing
And his wife, what strife, can't sleep of a night, that's right
Cause against his tum she can hear the pendulum
Going tock-tock-tick all night.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 18 Oct 22 - 04:06 PM

When father papered the parlour
Written by Robert Weston & Fred Barnes
Performed by Billy Williams 1910's

Our   parlour wanted papering Pa said it was waste
   To call a paperhanger in and so we made some paste
   He bought some rolls of paper a ladder and a brush
   And with my Mummy's nightgown on at it he made a rush.
   
   When Father papered the parlour, you couldn't see pa for paste
   Dabbing it here, dabbing it there, paste and paper everywhere
   Mother was stuck to the ceiling; the kids were stuck to the floor
   I never knew a blooming family so stuck up before.
   
   The pattern was ‘blue roses' its leaves red white and brown
   He'd stuck it wrong way up and now we all walk upside down
   And when he trimmed the edging off the paper with the shears
   The cat got underneath it and Dad cut off both its ears.
   
   Soon Dad fell down the stairs and dropped his paperhanger's can
   On little Henrietta sitting there with her young man
   The paste stuck them together as we'd thought 'twould be for life
   We had to fetch the parson in to make them man and wife.
   
   We're never going to move away from that house any more
   For Father's gone and stuck the chairs table to the floor
   We can't find our piano though it's broad and rather tall
   We think that its behind the paper Pa stuck on the wall.
   
   Now, Father's sticking in the pub through treading in the paste
   And all the family's so upset they've all gone pasty faced
   While Pa says, now that Ma has spread the news from North to South
   He wishes he had dropped a blob of paste in Mother's mouth.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 19 Oct 22 - 05:25 AM

When father papered the parlour
Written by Robert Weston & Fred Barnes
Performed by Billy Williams 1910's

Our   parlour wanted papering Pa said it was waste
   To call a paperhanger in and so we made some paste
   He bought some rolls of paper a ladder and a brush
   And with my Mummy's nightgown on at it he made a rush.
   
   When Father papered the parlour, you couldn't see pa for paste
   Dabbing it here, dabbing it there, paste and paper everywhere
   Mother was stuck to the ceiling; the kids were stuck to the floor
   I never knew a blooming family so stuck up before.
   
   The pattern was ‘blue roses' its leaves red white and brown
   He'd stuck it wrong way up and now we all walk upside down
   And when he trimmed the edging off the paper with the shears
   The cat got underneath it and Dad cut off both its ears.
   
   Soon Dad fell down the stairs and dropped his paperhanger's can
   On little Henrietta sitting there with her young man
   The paste stuck them together as we'd thought 'twould be for life
   We had to fetch the parson in to make them man and wife.
   
   We're never going to move away from that house any more
   For Father's gone and stuck the chairs table to the floor
   We can't find our piano though it's broad and rather tall
   We think that its behind the paper Pa stuck on the wall.
   
   Now, Father's sticking in the pub through treading in the paste
   And all the family's so upset they've all gone pasty faced
   While Pa says, now that Ma has spread the news from North to South
   He wishes he had dropped a blob of paste in Mother's mouth.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 19 Oct 22 - 05:58 AM

Where are the lads of the village tonight? 1914
Written by Weston/Datewski
Performed by George Lashwood


The West End's not the same tonight
The West End's not the same tonight
The lights aren't shining quite so bright
That's what I hear the little ladies say
To gave a glad eye is a crime, for it's a sad eye all the time
The dear lads of the village are away
The barmaid at you tries to wink
But with a tear-drop has to blink
And won't be ashamed to tell you why
Tho' the mob their flags are waving
Singing jingo songs and bragging
All the girls will ask each other with a sigh.

Where are the lads of the village tonight?
Where are the nuts we knew?
In Piccadilly? In Leicester square? No, not there
No, not there. They're taking a trip on the Continong
With their rifles and their bayonettes bright
Facing danger gladly where they're needed badly
That's where they are tonight.

No, Algie isn't on the moors
And bringing pheasants down by scores
He's shooting quite a different kind of bird
And Gussie isn't with the hounds
He's now on foreign hunting grounds
He's hunting German foxes so I've heard
And Percy tho' at sea a lot
Is not at Cowes upon his yacht
When last our Percy boy was seen
He was back as master gunner on a twenty thousand tonner
Dropping shells upon a German submarine

Where are the lads of the village tonight?
Where are the nuts we knew?
In Piccadilly? In Leicester square? No, not there
No, not there. They're taking a trip on the Continong
With their rifles and their bayonettes bright
Gone to teach the vulture murder is not a culture
That's where they are tonight.'

We miss those gay dare-devil boys
The student lads, all fun and noise
But Guys and St Bathelomew's know well
That in the trenches kneeling low
They tend the wounded though they know
The Red Croos Flag's a mark for German shell
But all the boys are doing grand
For King and Home and Motherland
And when at last they've turned the tide
Tho' Berlin's the place they'll rush for
They'll do nothing we need blush for
No, they'll play the game, and we shall say with pride.

Where are the lads of the village tonight?
Where are the nuts we knew
In Piccadilly? In Leicester square? No, not there
No, not there. They're taking a trip on the Continong
With their rifles and their bayonettes bright
Where the Kaiser humbled, knows his power has crumbled
That's where they are tonight.'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 19 Oct 22 - 11:44 AM

Four-and-Nine
Written by Bert Lee/ Two Bobs
Performed by The Two Bobs

I met a girl up West one night.
She had wonderful appetite.
She said "Take me out to dine".
I counted my money, I had four and nine.
I looked at her and she looked at me
"Where shall we go dear" murmured she
I felt a shiver go down my spine,
And I said good evening to my four and nine.

Four and nine! I took her to the Cecil
Four and nine! Didn't go inside
Took her to Lockharts, then ordered some wine
Bang went thruppence of my four and nine.

She started off with oxtail soup,
Then stewed eels that looped the loop.
She said "Oysters, here are fine",
But I ordered mussels with my four and nine.
She'd mayonnaise and haricots stewed
Don't know what it was, but it sounded rude
She started rattling for some more wine
And I started wrestling my 4 and 9

Four and Nine! Still she kept on eating
Four and Nine! I thought she'd never stop
I said "Gee this dinner's fine,
But it's raising the devil with my four and nine!"

She ordered steak and a fillet of plaice,
Then she put a chicken inside her face.
And as that chicken went down the mine,
I said, "Lord help me and my four and nine."
A large entrée she put away
Well she looked at me and her face turned grey
She got a pain from the food and wine
And I got a pain in my four and nine!

Four and Nine! The waiter brought bill in
Four and Nine! Twenty seven Bob!
I got a shock and dropped my wine
She dropped the custard on my four and nine!

The waiter stood and he looked at me.
"What about paying this bill," said he.
He kept his right eye fixed on mine.
And I kept my hand on my four and nine.
In came the boss and he gave a glare.
And he placed his foot, well I won't say where.
Right through the window I went flying,
And I lit on the pavement on me four and nine.

Four and Nine! Listen to my moral
Four and Nine! Take a tip from me
Never take a lady out to dine
When all you've got is four and nine.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 19 Oct 22 - 12:52 PM

Nobody noticed me
Written by Nat D. Ayer and Bert Lee 1918
Performed by Jack Pleasants

Although I've a striking appearance no doubt
Nobody notices me when I'm out
I can't understand it, it doesn't seem right
In fact as I walked on the stage here tonight.

Nobody noticed me, nobody noticed me
It's always been so since that wonderful morn
That wonderful morn on the day I was born
The room I was born in was large
And I was so tiny you see
That I never got fed for the first seven weeks
'Cos nobody noticed me.

One day for excitement I rode in a train
I sat with my nose glued right up to the pane
A bridegroom got in with his blushing young bride
I sat very still with my head on one side.

Nobody noticed me, nobody noticed me
We entered a tunnel without any light
I heard the bride giggle and whisper in fright
'Oh do give up kissing me, George.'
'I haven't kissed you.' answered he
She said, 'Well if you haven't, somebody has.'
But nobody noticed me.

Once with some pals at the sea-side I saw
A young ladies school bathing down on the shore
They bobbed up and down in the water so clear
A board on the beach said 'No mixed bathing here.'

Nobody noticed me, nobody noticed me
So I got my new little bathing suit out
And went in the sea and floated about
They never suspected at all
Except one young lady, and she
Said, 'It's queer, but a crab keeps on nipping my leg
But nobody noticed me.

Last leap year I met a young lady named Flo
She quickly proposed and I daren't say no
The day we were married I stood by her side
The parson shook hands with the best man and bride.

Nobody noticed me, nobody noticed me
Behind her bouquet I stood quiet and still
And just popped my head round and answered 'I will'
And when we got home later on, I felt so dead tired don't you see
I crawled under the bed and I laid there all night
And nobody noticed me.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 19 Oct 22 - 02:30 PM

We really had a most delightful evening
Written by Worton David and Bert Lee 1910
Performed Ernest Shand

I'm an inoffensive curate, I'm the meekest of the meek,
You'll all be pleased to hear that I was 21 last week.
We gave a little party just in honour of the day,
We had milk and we had bath buns and I'm very pleased to say:

We really had a most delightful evening,
A lovely evening, a beautiful evening.
We really had a most delightful evening,
And the vicar called and brought his tiddlywinks!

[Spoken: What a night!]

Our ladies have a sewing meeting, they meet every week or so
I popped in last Thursday just to see them all you know
I found them very busy just as busy as bee
They were making er … garments which they kindly showed to me

We really had a most delightful evening,
A sewing evening, a garmentry evening.
We really had a most delightful evening,
And some were trimmed with lace and some were not!

Our spinsters are a charming lot of that I am convinced,
I went out with our spinsters, for I love to see them "spinst".
We sat down in a hayfield to enjoy the evening breeze,
But woe is me I sat upon a hive of busy bees

We really had a most delightful evening,
A buzzing evening, a busy evening.
We really had a most delightful evening,
I was stung upon the ... twenty fourth of June

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 20 Oct 22 - 12:56 PM

Blighty The Soldiers Home Sweet Home
Written R P Weston & Bert Lee 1916
Performed by Miss Maie Ash

What's the song the boys are singing out in France ?
It isn't Tennesee that's not the melody
You don't hear them sighing now for Dixieland
There's a different tune upon the Army band
Listen and you'll hear each gallant khaki boy
Singing this song of joy

Chorus
Blighty Blighty That is were going back to Blighty
Blighty mother put my nightie
By the fire to air I'll soon be there
When the job is over All aboard for Dover
And for Blighty Blighty
Hear those big propellers making music in the foam
Bound for Blighty glad to depart
Don't you know where Blighty is ?
Why Bless your heart
It's the soldiers Home Sweet Home Home

When we get the happy news there homeward bound
There'll be some more joy upon the Blighty shore
Here the people on the quay all shout hooray
When they see the steamer coming down the bay
Listen and you'll hear the merry khaki throng
Singing their homeland song

Chorus
Blighty Blighty That is were going back to Blighty
Blighty mother put my nightie
By the fire to air I'll soon be there
When the job is over All aboard for Dover
And for Blighty Blighty
Hear those big propellers making music in the foam
Bound for Blighty glad to depart
Don't you know where Blighty is ?
Why Bless your heart
It's the soldiers Home Sweet Home Home

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 21 Oct 22 - 05:06 PM

Fancy You Fancying Me!
Written by R P Weston & Bert Lee 1916

When I sit and look at you
I just can't believe it's true
Can't believe you love though you have often told me so
Seems just like a dream of bliss
Never hoped for things like this
Now I'm wondering all the day
Why such luck should come my way

Chorus
Fancy you fancying me
I can't tell what you see
For it seems like dreams not reality
, That you should like my personality.
I can't quite figure it out,
I can't tell why it should be.
I can fancy anybody fancying you, But fancy you fancying me!

Don't know anybody who,
Ever could help liking you. you're so diff'rent from the rest;
S'pose that's why I love you best.
Guess the first day that we met,
I knew I'd a heart to let.
Now I know your love is true
Can't help saying, same as you,

Chorus
Fancy you fancying me
I can't tell what you see
For it seems like dreams not reality
, That you should like my personality.
I can't quite figure it out,
I can't tell why it should be.
I can fancy anybody fancying you,
But fancy you fancying me!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 22 Oct 22 - 01:17 PM

Forty-Nine and in the Army
written by R P Weston & Bert Lee 1918
Performed by Miss Ella Sheilds

Now Mr Samuel Green was on the Stock Exchange
His mind was rather stodgy
His form was rather podgy
One day he had his call to go and do his bit
And after he had recovered from an apoplectic fit
He went to the Medical Board they passed him right away
As fit for general service and today you'll hear him say

Chorus
I'm Forty-Nine and in the Army
I'm Forty-Nine and fit and fine
Though I'm wheezy about the chest
And gouty about the knees
Forty-Nine and in the Army
I'm longing to be in the fighting line
And if somebody holds my rifle while I borrow a pair of steps
I'll be over the top at forty-Nine I'm Forty-Nine

Said Sam when I was in – the sergeant shouted shun
You squint-eyed lot of blighters
I'll train you into fighters
The sergeant was my son
I said George how do you do
He yelled no talking in the ranks and hold your back up you
Said I who you're hollering at ?
You're talking to your dad
He said I'm not I am the segeant you are Private Green my lad

Chorus
I'm Forty-Nine and in the Army
I'm Forty-Nine and fit and fine
Though I'm wheezy about the chest
And gouty about the knees
Forty-Nine and in the Army
I'm longing to be in the fighting line
And if somebody holds my rifle while I borrow a pair of steps
I'll be over the top at forty-Nine I'm Forty-Nine


Said poor old Private Green
That sergeant son of mine
Said Father when I drill yer
Don't be so familiar
And like a blinking worm
I say I'm sorry Jim
I mean I'm sorry sergeant yet I'm proud of him
But after the victory's won as sure as I?'m a dunce
You bet I'll wallop that sergeant till he wont sit down for months

Chorus
I'm Forty-Nine and in the Army
I'm Forty-Nine and fit and fine
Though I'm wheezy about the chest
And gouty about the knees
Forty-Nine and in the Army
I'm longing to be in the fighting line
And if somebody holds my rifle while I borrow a pair of steps
I'll be over the top at forty-Nine I'm Forty-Nine

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 26 Oct 22 - 06:27 AM

I Might Learn to Love Him Later On (Tra-La-La-La)
Written by R P Weston & Bert Lee 1921

I'm housemaid to a titled gent a widower is he
And on the strict qc I think he's gone on me
He swore at me the other day he did upon my life
Called me a silly something as though I was his wife

Tra la la that shows he loves me
And though he's eighty-five and goggle-eyed
Tr la la la and if he should ask me
And I consent to be his blushing bride
I might learn to love him later on Tra la la la
I might learn to love him later on

Old men are scared and there hard to please
And I'm getting tired of getting house maid's knees
Tra La La La so if he asks me I'll not refuse Sir John
Though he's got me by the tonsils
He has millions in consoles
So I might learn to love him later on
tra la la la

Now when his nurse is not about
We have a quiet spoon
Yes every afternoon I feed him with a spoon
And when I help him up because his knees have given way
The gay old blighter put his arm around me today
Tra la la la and when were married
I'll make him take a dose of monkey gland
Ooh la la la and if the thyroid
Is half as good as what I understand
I might learn to love him later on Tra la la la
I might learn to love him later on

Old men are scared and there hard to please
And I'm getting tired of getting house maid's knees
Tra La La La so if he asks me I'll not refuse Sir John
He's gouty and cantankerous
But he's bought up half Saint Pancaras
He stutters and he dribbles
They accept the cheques he scribbles
So I might learn to love him later on
Tra la la la

I'm known to him I'm going to put the banns up in Mayfair
And in his old bar there I'll take him in his chair
And when the parson say's either james or john
He can't say no cause he's go his respirator on
Tra la la la how romantic
He won't know he's married I declare
Tra la la la until the morning
When he wakes up and discovers I am there
I might learn to love him later on Tra la la la
I might learn to love him later on


Old men are scared and there bleeding hard to please
And I'm getting tired of getting house maid's knees
Tra La La La so if he asks me I'll not refuse Sir John
He's not what I'd ever sighed for
But his bank accounts to die for
His language will be shocking
I'll just gag in with his stocking
I know he's clean and tidy
I wash him every Friday
I might learn to love him later on Tra la la la

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 27 Oct 22 - 02:34 PM

WHO'S THE GIRL YOU'RE GOING TO MEET TONIGHT?
 Written and composed by W. David & B. Lee
Performed by Florrie Forde (1876-1940)


Georgie was a simple kind of chap
Georgie always went out with mamma
Till one evening up the West
He started off to do the la-di-da
Everybody wondered what his game was
When of him alone they caught a view
Till someone chanced to spy a twinkle in his eye
And cried, 'Oh tell me Georgie do

Chorus: Who's the girl you're going to meet tonight?
You're going to meet tonight
Is it Jane or Flo, Maud or Mary Ann?
Oh, Georgie, tell me like a man
What's the tale you're going to tell her
Out in the pale moonlight
There's something in your eye that seems to say 'Goo-goo'
Who's the girl you're going to meet tonight?'

Georgie soon became a married man
Said one morning to his wifie, May
'I've got pressing work tonight
So at the office late I'll have to stay.'
Wifie murmured, 'Darling I believe you
Wouldn't think, of course, of doubtinhg you
But just before you go, I'd really like to know
As you've got pressing work to do,

Chorus: Who's the girl you're going to meet tonight?
You're going to meet tonight
Is it Jane or Flo, Maud or Mary Ann?
Oh, Georgie, tell me like a man
What's the tale you're going to tell her
Out in the pale moonlight
There's something in your eye that seems to say 'Yum-yum'
Who's the girl you're going to meet tonight?'

Georgie on a charge of bigamy
Later on was dragged into the court
Three wives he had married, so
Before the judge and jury he was brought
Eighteen months imprisonment they gave him
Georgie's handsome face looked rather queer
Then as he turned to go, towards the cells below
His three wives shouted, 'Georgie dear,

Chorus: Who's the girl you're going to meet tonight?
You're going to meet tonight
Is it Jane or Flo, Maud or Mary Ann?
Oh, Georgie, tell me like a man
What's the tale you're going to tell her
Out in the pale moonlight
There's something in your eye that seems to say 'Bow-wow'
Who's the girl you're going to meet tonight?'

One word to the girls before I go
Look round at the fellows sitting there
They're all single, you can tell
They've money in the bank, and curly hair
There's a beauty, isn't he a darling?
You're a single man, now, aren't you dear
You come here on your own, and sit there all alone
But tell me when you go from here,

Chorus: Who's the girl you're going to meet tonight?
You're going to meet tonight
Is it Jane or Flo, Maud or Mary Ann?
Oh, Georgie, tell me like a man
What's the tale you're going to tell her
Out in the pale moonlight
There's something in your eye that seems to say 'Thumbs up'
Who's the girl you're going to meet tonight?'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 30 Oct 22 - 07:27 AM

I would have some reservations performing this one but as a historical document it is important please note the comment 5 shillings in the pound that the rich man pays that level of taxation is the same as today

The Rich Man and the Poor Man
by R P Weston & Bert Lee

The poor are always with us so the prophet used to say
The rich are also with us too , expect when they're away
But money isn't ev'rything and life's a funny game
So if you're rich or if you're poor you've troubles
just the same

Chant
The rich man eats at the Ritz or Savoy
Drinks wine it may be sinful
The poor man dines on a penny saveloy
So he always gets his skinfull
The rich man has five courses at lunch
No wonder he gets fat quick
The poor man knows only three courses
Kempton Epsom and Gatwick

The rich man sleeps in a mansion grand
Built by the poor man's labours
The poor man sleeps in a council house
With his feet in the nextdoor neighbours
The rich man sleeps in his bed alone
They have twin beds cause I've seem em
The poor man sleeps in bed with his wife
And the four twins sleep between them

The rich man smokes Flor Finas grand
And he looks trey bong behind them
The poor man smokes Flor Finas to
And on the floor he finds them
The rich man pays five bob in the pound
And thinks that it's a caution

The poor man pays four pence in the pint
In the year he pays a fortune

When he rich man's Rolls Royce breaks down
All night long he has to mind it
If the poor man's car breaks down – who cares
There's another one behind it
When the rich man's queer he operates
At these Nursing Institutions
When the poor man's queer he goes to work
And says thank heavens for kruschens's

If the rich man's wife should prove untrue
He applys for Decree Nisi's
If the poor man's wife begins to flirt
He gives her a couple of nice eyes
The rich man boasts of his ancestors
They were great men who could doubt it
The poor men's people were thieves as well
But he doesn't swank about it

When the rich mans buried upon his chest
There's a tombstone large and classy
The poor man's happy with a dandelion
In a jam jar on his chassy
The rich man's wife has diamonds bright
That Her loving husband sends her
When the poor man's wife has diamonds bright
He knows she's got influenza

The rich man's wife has kolinsky furs
And ev'ry kind of rare skin
The poor man's wife on friday night
Has a bath and shows her bare skin
The rich man has a bath each day
Though it may sound impossible
The poor man has to stand in the sink
And washes as far as possible

Finale
It's all a matter of what you think
You'll find the whole world o'er
If you think you're rich you are rich
If you think you're poor you're poor

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 30 Oct 22 - 12:19 PM

WILL YOU LOVE ME WHEN I'M MUTTON
From the film "We're Going To Be Rich" (1938) (R.P. Weston / Bert Lee)
Gracie Fields (with Ray Noble & His Orch.) - 1938

SPOKEN INTRO: (BUTCHER: Here 'are. What about a nice drop o' lamb, dear.
One and four the pound)

(GRACIE: Don't talk t'me about lamb.
I'm proper upset, you should 'ear what I've heard this mornin'......

Two little lambs were in a field of clover.
A He lamb and a She lamb. I'll explain.
The She lamb gave the He lamb the once over.
Then tenderly she bleated this refrain......)

Will you love me when I'm mutton
As you do now I am lamb
Baa baa black sheep tell me do, tell me do

Will you love me when I'm mutton
Like a true and faithful ram
Or will you tell me I'm too tough to chew
When my one and four a pound is not so tender
And there's no wool left upon my woollen fleece
When you're sitting in the ice chest with me,

Darling Oh, promise that you won't be cold to me
Will you love me when I'm mutton
As you do now I am lamb
Baa baa black sheep tell me do, tell me do
Will you love me when I'm mutton
Like a true and faithful ram

Though I'm cut up and you'll feel cut up, too
Though my cupid darts are skewered, stuck in my shoulder
And they've stuck a ticket where your tail should be
When the butcher sells your kidneys, look for ????? ?????
Oh, tell him that your heart is still for me

Will you love me when I'm mutton
As you do now I am lamb
Baa baa black sheep tell me do, tell me do

Will you love me on the Sunday
When you're roasted like I am
And when you're served up cold on Monday, too
If you meet me in the soup upon the Tuesday
Oh. promise you won't hide behind a pea
And on Wednesday when they call us rissoles,
Darling Oh, tell me that you'll be twin souls with me

SPOKEN: (GRACIE: Well, I'm sure you'll admit it's a very, very sad story.
Don't ya think so? (Baaa-baaa) Hey, hey, go on home before butcher sees ya! (Baaa-baaa)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 30 Oct 22 - 05:46 PM

Sing! sing! why shouldn’t we sing? R P Weston Bert Lee 1916
Performed by Florrie Forde

Down in Aberyswtith, midst the hills and dales,
Many Welshmen gathered there to sing the praise of Wales.
Hearts and voices blending in a feast of song;
Though some declared, in wartime it was wrong.
There amongst the songsters on the mountain side,
The greatest Welshman in the land stood up and said with pride;

"Sing, sing, why shouldn't we sing?
Though days are dreary, let us be cheery.
Sing, sing, let melody flow;
Are the home fires out yet?  No, no, no!
Sing, sing, why shouldn't we sing?
For there's one thing we never should forget;
Old John Bull is still alive and kicking,
And we haven't pulled the blinds down yet!

Sing a little chorus, never mind your voice.
Sing; if you were dumpy it would make your heart rejoice.
Sing although your pack boys, weighs just half a ton
Sing, and half the victoy is won.
There's a little rainbow shining in the sky;
Now we know that brighter days are coming, by and by.

Sing, sing, why shouldn't we sing?
Though days are dreary, let us be cheery.
Sing, sing, let melody flow;
Are the home fires out yet?  No, no, no!
Sing, sing, why shouldn't we sing?
For there's one thing we never should forget;
Old John Bull is still alive and kicking,
And we haven't pulled the blinds down yet!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 30 Oct 22 - 06:01 PM

SISTER SUSIE'S SEWING SHIRTS FOR SOLDIERS
(Herman E Darewski (m) R P Weston (l) 1914)
as recorded by Billy Murray 1914

Sister Susie's sewing in the kitchen on a Singer,
There's miles and miles of flannel on the floor and up the stairs.
And father says it's rotten
Getting mixed up with the cotton,
And sitting on the needled that she leaves upon the chairs!
And should you knock at our street door, ma whispers
"Come inside!", Then when you ask where Susie is, she says with loving pride,

"Sister Susie's sewing shirts for soldiers,
Such skill at sewing shirts our shy young sister Susie shows!
Some soldiers send epistles,
Say they'd sooner sleep in thistles
Than the saucy soft short shirts for soldiers sister Susie shows!".

I forgot to tell you that our sister Susie's married,
And when she isn't sewing shirts she's sewing other things.
Then little sister Molly Says
"Oh sister's bought a dolly, she;s making all the clothes for it with pretty bows and strings".
Says Susie, "Don't be silly!", as she blushes and she sighs,
Then mother smiles and whispers with a twinkle in her eyes,

"Sister Susie's sewing shirts for soldiers,
Such skill at sewing shirts our shy young sister Susie shows!
Some soldiers send epistles, Say they'd sooner sleep in thistles
Than the saucy soft short shirts for soldiers sister Susie shows!".

[spoken]
Ha-ha, well I'm glad that's off my chest!
Now I'd like to have everybody join in the chorus!
It isn't as hard as it sounds, not nearly as hard as
"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers",
or "She sells sea shells by the sea shore",
but you must be sober before you try it!
Come now, all together! [sung]
Sister Susie's sewing shirts for soldiers,
Such skill at sewing shirts our shy young sister Susie shows!
Some soldiers send epistles,
Say they'd sooner sleep in thistles
Than the saucy soft short shirts for soldiers sister Susie shows!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 31 Oct 22 - 09:02 AM

THERE ARE NICE GIRLS EVERYWHERE
Authorship often credited to R.P. Weston but according to the 'Performing Rights Society' it was actually one of Fred Godfrey's songs, published 1909 by Francis Day & Hunter.
Performed by Whit Cunliffe (1876-1966)



Travellers all complain, going back home again,
From across the main, tho' they might not obtain'.
Rubies, diamonds or pearls, they will always want the girls,
And they'll tell you how they long to gaze on sweet peroxide curls,
From their yarns about no girls, that's tommy-rot
It's the people all at home, I'll tell you what....
Chorus: There are nice girls everywhere, there are nice girls everywhere,
From Peru to Timbuktu, there's a girl for me and a girl for you.
On the mountains of Piccadilly, in the wilds of Leicester Square,
Where e'er you roam hoping you will see them home,
There are nice girls everywhere.
Next the fair gazelles on the Dardanelles
Give me lou loubelles, wearing rows of shells
Tho' their noses may be flat and their hair just like a mat,
When you've nothing else to spoon well, we'll let it go at that.
Oh, the beauty of a Zulu may be such,
Her dresses do not cost you half as much,
Chorus: There are nice girls everywhere, there are nice girls everywhere,
From Peru to Timbuktu, there's a girl for me and a girl for you.
On the mountains of Piccadilly, in the wilds of Leicester Square,
From Manchester to Dover saying, 'Archibald, give over!'
There are nice girls everywhere.
Chorus: There are nice girls everywhere, there are nice girls everywhere,
From Peru to Timbuktu, there's a girl for me and a girl for you.
On the mountains of Piccadilly, in the wilds of Leicester Square,
Down country lanes at night, if you care to strike a light,
There are nice girls everywhere.
 

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 10 Nov 22 - 10:01 AM

Tickle me Timothy, Do or Tickle me Timothy or Tickle me Timothy, Quick 1908
Written by RP Weston / FJ Barnes
Performed by Billy Williams

My old girl's hysterical, and when the fits begin
I have to make her grin - by tickling her under the chin
Shan't forget when courting her, I didn't know the wheeze
And coming home from Brighton once, she shouted 'If you please.'

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
My last train is here' said Lou
I feel like losing it straight I do
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If you don't make me laugh, I shall swallow the ticket
So tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

On the day I married her, she felt bad all the while
I had to make her smile; I tickled her all up the aisle
But as soon as we were one, she trembled like a leaf
And shouted as she jumped about, just like a Zulu chief

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
The Parson here, he makes me cough,
I feel like pulling his nightshirt off
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
As he mightn't have anything under it, Timothy
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Friday, when I laid in bed, a man came round our way
With paper flags so gay, shouting, 'Rags or old bottles today'
My old girl rushed in the room, and grabbed my pantaloons
A-shouting 'If you don't want paper flags or air-balloons.'

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I feel I want to swap your bags
For some air-balloons or some paper flags
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
And you'll have with 'me a waggin' in front of you
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

On an Easter Monday once I took her to the Zoo
She'd nothing much to do, so started a hul-la-ba-loo
Got inside the monkey's cage, the hairy lah-di-dahs
All rubbed their chins against her face, shouted through the bars.

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I feel so gay this afternoon, I feel like kissing the big baboon
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
And he isn't like you; he wants shaving all over,
So tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Martha's rich old uncle Bill, last night in company
He told a tale you see, we all had to giggle with glee
Martha couldn't see the joke; her tears began to flow,
So she flopped down upon my knee, and softly murmured 'Oh

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I'll have to laugh at uncle Bill, or else get nothing out of his Will
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If you're after his money, oh, tickle my funny bone,
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Now she's bought some powder and a box of safety pins
And when the fit begins, she's bound to have somebodies twins
Today she saw a bassinette, just outside our abode
She pounced on it and shouted, as the kids fell in the road

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
The babies are a lovely pair, I feel like grabbing 'em I declare
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If I'm not to have Mister McGillighan's babies,
Oh tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 10 Nov 22 - 10:02 AM

We really had a most delightful evening
Written by Worton David and Bert Lee 1910
Performed Ernest Shand

I'm an inoffensive curate, I'm the meekest of the meek,
You'll all be pleased to hear that I was 21 last week.
We gave a little party just in honour of the day,
We had milk and we had bath buns and I'm very pleased to say:

We really had a most delightful evening,
A lovely evening, a beautiful evening.
We really had a most delightful evening,
And the vicar called and brought his tiddlywinks!

[Spoken: What a night!]

Our ladies have a sewing meeting, they meet every week or so
I popped in last Thursday just to see them all you know
I found them very busy just as busy as bee
They were making er … garments which they kindly showed to me

We really had a most delightful evening,
A sewing evening, a garmentry evening.
We really had a most delightful evening,
And some were trimmed with lace and some were not!

Our spinsters are a charming lot of that I am convinced,
I went out with our spinsters, for I love to see them "spinst".
We sat down in a hayfield to enjoy the evening breeze,
But woe is me I sat upon a hive of busy bees

We really had a most delightful evening,
A buzzing evening, a busy evening.
We really had a most delightful evening,
I was stung upon the ... twenty fourth of June

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 16 Nov 22 - 06:53 AM

All The Girls Are Lovely by The Seaside
Words by Worton David & Bert Lee Music by Harry Fragson

Every Girl You Must Confess
Has an attraction more or less
Tho' Beauty is often a snare
Many a girlie gains renown
For a complexion up in town
That comes of with her back hair
But if you want to find a spot
Where all the girls what what
Are seen at their best well dressed
Trotting round about
Come along where the breezes blow
Off to the briny we must go
And you'll find without a doubt
Chorus
All the Girls are lovely by the seaside
All the Girls are lovely by the sea
When they're strolling down beside the ocean
The ocean what a commotion
All the Girls are lovely by the seaside
With their curls and bits of drapery
See those darlings trip along
Every one is going strong
Watch the mixing with the throng
Some are lean and rather long
Some are fat and “Em-bong-pong”
Pick were you like you can't go wrong
There all lovely by the sea
All the sea

Giddy Gustave and Blanche Marie
Tired of life in Gay Paree
To Ostend decided to go
Meant to enjoy the nice fresh air
Also the lovely bathing there
The bathing was mixed and so
He took Marie into the sea
Among the girls he bobbed with glee
And oh what a time real Prime
Till a french man there
Suddenly cried you young pup
That's the wrong girl you're holding up
Gustave shouted I don't care


Chorus
All the Girls are lovely by the seaside
All the Girls are lovely by the sea
When they're strolling down beside the ocean
The ocean what a commotion
All the Girls are lovely by the seaside
With their curls and bits of drapery
Frenchy girls with eyes of blue
Give the”goo-goo” eyes to you
You give them the glad eye too
Then with a smile that runs clear thru
They ask you if they parle vous
Or whether you don't or whether you do
There all lovely by the sea
All the sea

Little Miss Maud from Brighton Pier
Out on a Yacht with Lord Devere
Went sailing a shilling an hour
Terrible storms began to break
Little Miss Maud began to quake
As down came an awful shower
Her hair soon lost its curly wave
Her lunch began to disbehave
As over the rail quite pale
She hung like a wreck
Then as her face turned degrees
The colour of Gorgonzola cheese
Someone shouted from the deck

Chorus
All the Girls are lovely by the seaside
All the Girls are lovely by the sea
When they're strolling down beside the ocean
The ocean what a commotion
All the Girls are lovely by the seaside
With their curls and bits of drapery
On the pier out of sight
Then you spoon some girl in white
She cries Georgie hold me tight
And though her face in broad day light
Would give a chimpanzee a fright
With a bit of luck and a foggy night
There all lovely by the sea
All the sea

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 22 Nov 22 - 01:57 PM

At the Vicar's Fancy Ball
Written and Composed by Worton David & Bert Lee

To pass our winter evenings at our parish church last year
Our vicar gave a fancy ball a very fine idea
Each member did appear in fancy dress
T'was really most enjoyable ah yes ah yes ah yes

refrain :At our vicar's fancy ball
Some happy recollections I recall
One lady came as Cupid and at me she shot her arrows
It stuck right in a girl dressed as as vegetable marrow
To represent a farm yard I espied Missis Clegg there
She did a lot of cackling but never laid an egg there
Miss Green came as a winkle and made the people giggle
She came out of her little shell and back she could not wiggle
Dear sisters I was so ashamed of Miss Selina Snicker
She came as feather and tickled our dear Vicar
Miss Brown came as the morning lark with music she was bristling
She swallowed her bird warbler and she couldn't speak for whistling
To represent Guy Fawkes day as a firework came Miss Crockett
She got too near the gas stove and went up like a rocket
At our vicar's fancy ball
Wind blew through his trumpet
At our dear dear vicar's dear dear vicar's dear vicar's fancy ball

The trades folk to our parish there a great sensation made
They each came in a dress supposed to represent their trade
As fruit and flowers and what not ah they made a lovely show
Those costumes I will ne'er forget ah no ah no ah no

refrain :At our vicar's fancy ball
Those funny costumes I can recall
The fruiterer as a lemon sent his daughter Miss Louisa
And fortunately her young man came as a lemon squeezer
Poor Missis Jones the grocer's wife came as a pound of butter
She melted with the heat and down a crack began to slutter
Our butcher's wife dear Missis Green came as a joint of brisket
Mark'd going cheap at four a pound but no-one cared to risk-it
Our cheese man Mr Niffy as a cheese was very drollah
I murmured thank the Lord you didn't come as a gorgonzola
Miss Lizzie from the fish shop as a codfish was busy
And everything went smoothly until they tried to fillet Lizzie
Miss White came as a pork pie trimmed with parsley there I found her
But the vicar sent her home again to put more parsley round her
At our vicar's fancy ball
Wind blew through his trumpet
At our dear dear vicar's dear dear vicar's dear vicar's fancy ball

Our musical society turned up in splendid force
And everyone appeared as something musical of course
Their costumes were very humorous yea verily tis so
I really felt obliged to laugh hh ha hee hee ho ho

refrain :At our vicar's fancy ball
Those Characters of music I recall
To represent an organ came our organist Mister Fellows
The blower blew him up so much alas he burst his bellows
Dress'd as a note of music came Miss Angelina Gotchitt
And got most annoyed when someone tried to dot her crochet
Young Brown as a fiddle and my word he did look rummy
For someone tried to scrap a bow across his little Mary
To represent a flute Miss Brown came all the way from Bootle
She got a chocolate in her throat and then she couldn't tootle
Miss Flynn came as a jew's harp and she used a lot of blarney
Till someone stuck his teeth in her and tried to play Killarney
To represent a cornet was fat old Major Crumpet the room was very draughty and the
Wind blew through his trumpet
At our dear dear vicar's dear dear vicar's dear vicar's fancy ball

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 22 Nov 22 - 02:28 PM

FARES PLEASE


Written and composed by Bert Lee - 1917
Performed by Daisy Dormer (1883-1947)




Why this crushing, why this rushing
For the County Council tram?
What's all this noise about
And what is it brings all the fellows out?
Why this hustle, why this bustle
As upon the car they swarm?
Oh gee, don't you see
It's the girl in the uniform
The tram is full and this is why
They want to hear that pretty little tram-guard cry,

Chorus: 'Fares please! Have your money ready
Fares please! There's room for two there you there,
Move up on your right and make room for your Uncle
Fares please! Have your money ready
Fares please! I've got to punch your tickets
Now then, Molly Duck your head, you'll hit it on the trolley
Now then, Willie, Change for Leicester Square and Kick-a Billy
All aboard! I'm shouting, all aboard
I'm going to pull the cord and then we'll homeward whirl
Though the car is full tonight
Though it swerves from left to right
You'll be safe if you hold on tight
To the tram conductor-girl.'

Gus and Bertie smile at Gertie
When she asks them where they're for
They simply say 'Goo-goo
Oh, we'll travel anywhere with you'
Fat old stagers, gouty majors
Murmur to this saucy pet
'By gad, not half bad'
And there's life in the old dog yet
Old Farmer Brown from Lancasheer says
'Eh, by gum, it's extra, and the wife's not here.'

Chorus:Fares please! Have your money ready
Fares please! There's room for two there you there,
Move up on your right and make room for your Uncle
Fares please! Have your money ready
Fares please! I've got to punch your tickets
Now then, Molly Duck your head, you'll hit it on the trolley
Now then, Willie, Change for Leicester Square and Kick-a Billy
All aboard! I'm shouting, all aboard
I'm going to pull the cord and then we'll homeward whirl
Though the car is full tonight
Though it swerves from left to right
You'll be safe if you hold on tight
To the tram conductor-girl.'
 

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 23 Nov 22 - 06:14 AM

I DO LIKE A S'NICE, S'MINCE, S'PIE
Written and composed by Bert Lee & Worton David 1914

I'm so fond of what I like,
And what I like, I like it
Some like this, and some like that
Some like lean, and some like fat
Some like pudding, some like pie
With which to fill their phiz
But there's one thing I like best
I'll tell you what it is

Chorus: Oh I do like s'nice s'pince s'pie
Oh I do like s'nice s'pince s'pie
Don't like lamb, ham or jam
And I don't like roly-poly
But when I see a s'nice s'pince s'pie
Then I ask for a helping twice
For I do like a s'nice s'pince s'pie
'Cos it's s'nice, s'nice, s'nice

I've a sweetheart all my own,
There's no one else would have her
Her face I've not tasted yet
It's so slobbery and so wet
We sat in the Park, last night
She nudged my arm and sighed
'What do you like the best of all?'
I grinned, and then replied

Chorus: Oh I do like s'nice s'pince s'pie
Oh I do like s'nice s'pince s'pie
Don't like lamb, ham or jam
And I don't like roly-poly
But when I see a s'nice s'pince s'pie
Then I ask for a helping twice
For I do like a s'nice s'pince s'pie
'Cos it's s'nice, s'nice, s'nice

Once I went to Parliament
I'd been sent there to dust it
Found a meeting on inside
One young member loudly cried
'Matters we'll no longer mince
Our country must be led
We can't mince matters' I said 'No
Lets all mince pies instead'

Chorus: Oh I do like s'nice s'pince s'pie
Oh I do like s'nice s'pince s'pie
Don't like lamb, ham or jam
And I don't like roly-poly
But when I see a s'nice s'pince s'pie
Then I ask for a helping twice
For I do like a s'nice s'pince s'pie
'Cos it's s'nice, s'nice, s'nice

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: GUEST,mary
Date: 27 Nov 22 - 02:07 PM

Mi esposo me dejó por falta de hijos durante 9 años. Mi corazón estaba roto porque ya no podía soportar el dolor. Empecé a buscar ayuda en Internet y encontré un artículo de (Sandar) que decía que DR Ogbo la ayudó a recuperar a su esposo después de pagar algunos (artículos espirituales) utilizados para preparar el hechizo que trajo a su esposo de regreso en 42 horas. Me apegué a su testimonio y me conecté con el Dr. Ogbo y después de verter mis dolores, el Dr. Ogbo me dio sus palabras de que quedaré embarazada dentro de un mes después del regreso de mi esposo. Le creí y seguí todas sus instrucciones que necesitaba para resolver mi caso. Me sorprendí cuando recibí una llamada de mi esposo diciendo que lo sentía y que regresaría a casa y que esto sucedió dentro de las 42 horas posteriores a que el Dr. Ogbo preparó un hechizo de amor para mí. Mi marido volvió a mí y esta vez volvimos de nuevo e irrompibles. Después de 2 semanas, estaba embarazada de mi esposo y di a luz a una hermosa hija a la que llamamos (JOY). Puede que estés pasando por un infierno ahora, pero te digo que no durará para siempre, porque el Dr. Ogbo está aquí para ayudarnos a todos. Puede chatear con él en su línea de WhatsApp al [phone] o enviar un correo electrónico a: [e-mail] para una solución permanente.

Subject: ADD: I've Had a Glass of Ginger Wine (Bert Lee)
From: Monologue John
Date: 16 Dec 22 - 11:23 AM

I've had a glass of Ginger Wine" (Bert Lee)

I don't like to tell you what happened today
I feel half ashamed of myself by the way
I'm all of a tingle from fingers to toes
I do hope that tingle won't rise to my nose
Though what I've been up to I'd never confess
But I am sort of frightened that someone might guess
So if you just promise you won't say a word
I will tell you the wonderful thing that's occurred

I've had a glass of gin gin
A glass is all I've had
I've not taken before today
I've also been drinking my sorrows away
I haven't been home for bye bye's
And I shan't go home till nine
Cos I've had a glass of gin-gin
A glass of ginger wine

I can't find a fiver since I've had that brew
I do hope it lasts for an hour or two
It made me so reckless I feel like a push
I've just crossed the road right in front of a bus
The girls look and murmur my word he's a brick
I tried to wink once but my eye wouldn't blink
I promised my pickup I'd only stop nine
I've stopped five or six times
But I'll I've only stopped twice

I've had a glass of gin gin
A glass is all I've had
I've not taken before today
I've also been drinking my sorrows away
I haven't been home for bye bye's
I shan't go home till nine
Cos I've had a glass of gin-gin
A glass of ginger wine

I've had a glass of gin gin
Oh its a lovely taste
Makes you feel all goosey
I've not taken before today
I've also been drinking my sorrows away
I haven't been home for bye bye's
I shan't go home till nine
Cos I've had a glass of gin-gin
A glass of ginger wine

---

From Gayle Wade:

I've had a glass of Ginger Wine (Bert Lee)

I don't like to tell you what happened today
I feel half ashamed of myself by the way
I'm all of a tingle from fingers to toes
I do hope the tingle won't rise to my nose
Though what I've been up to I'd never confess
But I'm sort of frightened that someone might guess
So if you just promise you won't say a word
I'll tell you the wonderful thing that's occurred

I've had a glass of gin gin
A glass is all I've had
I've not tasted before today
I've often been tempted but turned away
I haven't been home to bye byes
And I shan't go home till nine
Cos I've had a glass of gin-gin
A glass of ginger wine

I can't quite describe the sensation to you
I do hope it lasts for an hour or two
It made me so reckless I feel rather push
I've just crossed the road right in front of a bus
The girls look and murmur “My word he's a brick!”
I tried to wink once but my eye wouldn't blink
I promised my pickupI'll own it's not nice
I've hit five or six times
And stopped once or twice

I've not tasted before today
I've often been tempted but turned away
I haven't been home to bye byes
And I shan't go home till nine
Cos I've had a glass of gin-gin
A glass of ginger wine

I've had a glass of gin gin
Oh it's a lovely taste
Makes you feel all goosey
I've often been tempted but turned away
I haven't been home to bye byes
And I shan't go home till nine
Cos I've had a glass of gin-gin
A glass of ginger wine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOnHIqQtUYE&list=RDTOnHIqQtUYE&start_radio=1&t=18s

Roud listing: https://www.vwml.org/record/RoudBS/B340515

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 17 Dec 22 - 05:04 PM

Nursie-Nursie
written and composed by Worton David & Bert Lee   1910

Performed by Clarice Mayne

She was a sweet little neat little nurse
He was her patient quite a long purse
And a most patient patient was he
She nursed him daily for he wasn't well
Though what really ailed him he couldn't quite tell
And for that matter neither could she
Still he liked her nursing and she liked his gold
And here is the sequel as I've heard it told

Nursie Nursie nursed her little Percy
In a persevering way
Nursie-Nursie persevered with Percy
Till at last as I've heard say
Percy-Percy fell in love with Nursie
And a year since they were wed
And now Nursie doesn't nurse her little Percy
Percy nurses Little Nursie instead

He seemed to get neither better nor worse
She got quute anxious for poor little nurse
Percy's ailment could not understand
His pulse was normal but curious to tell
He always complained that he didn't feel well
Unless Nursie kept hold of his hand
She called in the doctor who said with a wink
It's his heart that is wrong miss he's lost it I think


Nursie Nursie nursed her little Percy
In a persevering way
Nursie-Nursie persevered with Percy
Till at last as I've heard say
Percy-Percy married Nursie
It's a year since they were wed
And now Nursie doesn't nurse her little Percy
Percy nurses Little Nursie instead

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs and Recitations of Weston & Lee
From: Monologue John
Date: 27 Dec 22 - 11:16 AM

On the Pom Pom Tiddley OM Parade
Written and Composed by Bert Lee 1917

Birds of a Feather flock together
That's a saying true
Collies and chows and little bow-wows
And various kinds of poms
You're sure to see them ev'ry day
Wagging their too's and froms

Refrain
On the pom-pop-tiddley-om parade
Every morning in the park you'll see them all serene
Some with ribbons around their necks and bows of blue and green
I've just compiled a catalogue of the dogs I've seen
Upon the Pop Pom Tiddley Om Parade

Chant
There's snappy and yappy dogs who love to bark and bite
There's dogs that stay in all the day and stay out all the night
There's thoroughbreds and gingerbread's that win you silver cups
There's collie dogs and dirty dogs and also mucky pups
There's the dog that has a lengthy tail It's pointed and It's thin
The dog who used to have a tail but someone pushed it in
The dog that has a swishy tail and knock things off the shelf
And every time it wags it's tail it slaps it's little self

The dog they call Dalmatian is the dog that's out for strife
I've never seen a more dalmatian dog in all my life
There's some with eyes like saucers and two big ears that flop
Four tiny legs and then the chassis stuck on top
The dog that always barks at you when you call on Flo
It barks and barks and barks and barks until it's time to go
And as you kiss your girl goodnight and say “Au revior”
It bites you right between the gate and kitchen door
The wheezy the sneezy dog the dog that's black and tan
The dog who always goes to see a dog about a man
The dandy dog the bandy dog the dog with knocking knees
The dog that's never satisfied unless he's catching – rabbits
The bulldog with the putty face – you've seen it I suppose
It ought have a blotting pad to blot his blinking nose
The dog that hasn't got a nose – It has to do without
You wonder how it smells then suddenly find out
The dog that madly runs about – and thinks that it's sublime
Its got a tin on its tail and has a rattling time
The doggy from the Isle of Man a tailess raggamuffin
And so it has no tail to wag it wags a little nuffin
The dog the boys are pelting as they chase it down the street
It's lucky it's a bushy tail to cover it's retreat
The dog who has a piggy tail that curls up quite promiscus
And when the stormy breezes do blow The wind blows through his whiskers


On the pom-pop-tiddley-om parade
There's various dogs of every class and grade
The dog who's thin and lanky and the one that's overfed
The dog that lays it head in a lady's lap
And that's the only time I'd been a dog instead
Upon the Pop Pom Tiddley Om Parade