Song Challenge! - Part 75

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Áine
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 07:00 PM

Well, now that we've all gotten in the holiday mood, here's a Challenge! idea that JenEllen sent me a few months ago. It was tough, but I held it back until the appropriate moment -- and this is the moment! So, my darlin's, sharpen your knives - uh, I mean quills - uh, dang it, I mean pencils, and fire up your ovens - uh, I mean smokers - uh, I mean imaginations, and take a bite - uh, I mean a poke - uh, I mean a turn at this wonderful sad tail - uh, I mean tale:


Gobbler's Gone For Good: Cemetery Turkey Is Laid To Rest - Death Is Not Due To Fowl Play -- (Spokane, WA) When a tom turkey strutted onto a cemetery just before Thanksgiving, people figured he was either a farm escapee trying to avoid ending up the centerpiece of a holiday dinner ir a wild bird just passing through.

But the bird that became known as Martin A Gobbler remained for good, and he hardly overstayed his welcome. The turkey - eventually determined to be wild - took up residence for seven months, adding unsuspected levity to graveside services. The gobbler also attracted gawkers who came to see him chase cars in the parkinglot and fend off the ducks who invaded what he considered his turf.

Martin died June 24th, and got a farewell fit for a creature far higher on the food chain. The bird, believed to be around a year old, was found dead on the grounds with no obvious signs of trauma. The memorial drew about 50 people and featured an altar, photo, and flowers with an attached note "Your gobble will be missed" The turkey's cremated remains are stored in a small blue urn in the office of the funeral director while they plan to incorporate them into a monument featuring a bronze turkey statue placed near the office entrance.

The cemetery owner believes Martin's biggest burden in life was his apparent inability to find a mate. Staff never saw a hen on the grounds, and Martin's flamboyant displays of strutting and pecking car tires were merely for human consumption.

"He didn't enjoy his life of celibacy at all" stated the groundskeeper, "He would get all fluffed up and parade around here like he owned the place. He was trying to attract a mate and there were none to attract."


Shake a tail feather, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: CraigS
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 07:14 PM

To quote the late great (in all senses of the word) Hamish Imlach - Any bird that goes round saying Gobble Gobble deserves to be eaten! This poor devil never got as far as this honour. But what would Christmas be without America? I've heard it said - American as Mom's apple pie - but is the turkey the best thing to come out of America, or the roast potato?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Áine
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 07:16 PM

And if any of you really want to show off, you can incorporate one (or all, if you're that crazy (hahahaha)) of these memorable Song Challenge!s From The Past:

Song Challenge! – Part 8 -- 'Village Wonders Who Killed Chicken'

Song Challenge! – Part 22 -- 'That's One Scrappy Rooster!'

Song Challenge! – Part 59 -- 'Chicken Of The Living Dead?'

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 07:49 PM

Bird of Constant Sorrow

Tune: A Man of Constant Sorrow (as performed by the Soggy Bottom Boys)

I am a bird of constant sorrow,
I've been lonesome all of my days
I think I'll cross that parkland border
Where the bipeds live and play

(Where the biiiipeds live and play!)

I'm goin' to settle by this grassland,
Where there grow these funny stones,
And find a hen, to love forever,
I need a bord to call my own.

(Needs a hen, to call his own!)

The twolegs come around my pastures,
They fill up holes, and honk and cry,
I always try to visit with them them,
In case a hen should there  arrive

(In case a hen, should there arrive!!)

They always bring their ugly horses
Rubber toes, and feet bent round,
But when I chaw their feet of rubber
They very quickly settle down!
 

(They very quiiiickly setttle doown!!)

These fields and stones, please me no longer
I've hung around for much too long!
No shapely females have I found here
I wonder what I'm doing wrong!!

(He wonders whaaat he's doin' wrooong!!)

I know my time is fast approaching,
I'll watch the twofoot dance no more;
But there's a hen-soul out there somewhere,
And we will meet, acrooss that shore!
 

(And he will meeeet her, 'cross that shore!!)

I am a bird of constant sorrow,
O'er the Jordan I must pass,
But I can tell I'm leaving friends here,
They've cast my feathered butt in brass

(They cast his feaaathered butt in brass!)
 
 
italics fixed by mudelf ;-) -- next time, put your parentheses inside the italics html --

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 07:51 PM

Any wise old feathered elf want to figger out why those italic containers came across as literals??? Thanks!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Áine
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 10:10 PM

Oh Amos, you do know how to start off a Challenge! ;-)

Here's a Golden B.L.O.B. for this gut-bustin' bit o' bull:

I am a bird of constant sorrow,
O'er the Jordan I must pass,
But I can tell I'm leaving friends here,
They've cast my feathered butt in brass
(They cast his feaaathered butt in brass!)


Brill! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 11:59 PM

Wowwwweeee!! GOLDEN???? Heeehaaa!! Yhanks, TGG!! I'll put an extra shilling in the poorbox next time I'm at the TGG Altar!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 06:17 AM

To the tune of "Dick Darby, The Cobbler" as sung by, amongst others, Tommy Makem and the Clancy Brothers.

MARTIN A, THE GOBBLER

Oh me name's Martin A, I'm a gobbler
I live in the town of Spokane
I strut around like I am Tarzan
But I'm pining away for a Jane

CHORUS:
With me ing-twing-of-an-ing-thing-of-an-eye-doh
With me ing-twing-of-an-ing-thing-of-an-eye-ay
With me ro-bo-bo-ro-bo-bo-randy
And me wattle keeps flapping away

When I was a healthy young buck-o
They called me the cock of the walk
My thighs were the size of an ostrich
And my eyes were as bright as a hawk

CHORUS

The hens all around me were flocking
They'd coo and they'd cluck and they'd preen
But now that I'm wizened and rangy
The hens are nowhere to be seen

CHORUS

I set off in search of a partner
I set off in search of a mate
Through scrub and bush, hither and yonder
I wandered all over the state

CHORUS
At last I'm resolved to give over
From the dating game I shall retire
Like nun or some other monastic
Unmated until I expire

CHORUS

Surrounded by death and corruption
In a palace of grief and decay
In quiet retreat I shall linger
Until at length I pass away

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 09:35 AM

..And Derry does it again!! LOL, mate!

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 10:13 AM

I have a slightly different take on why Martin A. Gobbler hung arount the cemetary and performed. I think he had "an artistic bent"

Village Poultry .. Cemetary

Where can you find eternal peace
You don't have to sign a lease
Listen to a eulogy
Where can you hang around and have humans look at you
In nothin but you BVDs
Where can turkeys try to fly
Study Ornithology
Listen to the bagpipes play
Different funeral every day
Don't have to be thanksgiving meat

Cemetary
Yes, you can hang out as you please
Cemetary
Yes, you can find eternal peace
Cemetary
Come on now, people, you can sit down in the back
Cemetary, Cemetary
Can't you see all the people dressed in black
Cemetary
Come on, Its the place to make a den
Cemetary
Come on and show off for a hen
Cemetary
Come on Turkey, and strut again
Cemetary, Cemetary, Cemetary (Cemetary)

Attract a mate, attract a mate
So you won't have to Masterbate

They gave you a service
As you entered Poultry bliss
Giving you a chance to pass
Not on a plate
They did cremate
you are not a repast
Maybe you died young
but folks will say
That you were the funniest thing
they ever did see
In the cemetary
and the show was always free

Cemetary
Yes, you can hang out as you please
Cemetary
Yes, you can find eternal peace
Cemetary
Come on now, people, you can sit down in the back
Cemetary, Cemetary
Can't you see all the people dressed in black
Cemetary
Come on, Its the place to make a den
Cemetary
Come on and show off for a hen
Cemetary
Come on Turkey, and strut again
Cemetary, Cemetary, Cemetary (Cemetary)

Attract a mate, attract a mate
So you won't have to Masterbate

Who Martin?

Attract a mate, attract a mate
So you won't have to Masterbate

But, but but I'm afraid of female Turkeys.
Hey, hey look
Man, I get shy just watching the Butterball ads!

They want you, they want you in Cemetary

Oh my goodness.
What am I gonna do with a woman?

They want you, they want you, Cemetary

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 11:17 AM

To the tune "Streets of Laredo"

As I strutted down in the lanes of the graveyard
As I plucked and preened a fresh for my Queen
I spied some odd twolegs all wrapped in white linen
With others a'sobbing as they laid him in a grave.

I came here a'looking for a mate to have fun with
My feathers I spread as the limos rolled by
Amongst all those bipeds there's got to be someone
Of redlegs and wattle, so I can be wed.

I've found some friends, who feed me, stand gawking
Every day, more come, hear me gobble to say
"Have you seen my dear pretty, the one I shall marry?
Oh, surely she'll come at the end of this day."

Alas, the stones turned cold, my gobbling softened
Depression set in, for two-legs weren't enough
At last, late at night, I lay myself down
Lay down in sorrow and gave up my ghost

Now it is said, in the late days of twilight
If you go a'walking near gobbler's old haunt
You'll see his bronze statue with ashes before it
And maybe hear a faint little gobble or two.

For no one had told him, the dead cannot give him
Much else but a silent applause in his search
No raising of turkeys, redlegs or white ones
They've all been covered and buried with dirt!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 11:27 AM

Amos, Kat????

Where I come from turkeys are bipeds too. Why would they obcess about people having two legs?

Am I missing something?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 11:50 AM

Well, mine was looking for red ones! Guess I could change it to "thick" legs, just to distinguish. Sheesh!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: MMario
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 12:00 PM

Celibate Celebrity
(tune:A Lonely Little Petunia)

He was a celibate celebrity at Forest Lawn
Forest Lawn
Forest Lawn
He was a celibate celebrity at Forest Lawn
And all he did was strut all day!
Gobble, gobble
But now he is gone, so they've cast him in bronze!
Gob-ble!

He came upon them suddenly
In November of the year
A cause for much frivolity
Amusement and good cheer
They suspected him a runaway
Or a stranger passing through
But when he stayed and settled down
'Twas nothing they could do.

Chorus:

They called him Martin A.
When they passed him at his work
As he chased the ducks and pigeons
That dared tresspass and lurk
And the services at graveside
Were not so grave as that
When Martin A. amused them
With a fluffed out feather act.

Chorus:

He was born to grace a table
On a platter trim and gay
Of some important personage
On a Thanksgiving Day
But now his urn of cobalt blue
Upon the mantle sits and waits
Until a fitting statue
Is erected for its place

Chorus:

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: MMario
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 12:03 PM

Jack - just having "two legs" wasn't enough - Martin needed someone with two RED legs, a wattle and feathers...

would you want a biped to obsess about quadrupeds? You end up with (insert nationality of your choice) that way!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 12:26 PM

When Amos did it, I thought, "that's OK, poetic license or some such." Then Kat did it and I felt I had missed a meeting.

What would turkeys call humans? If turkeys could talk? Beakless? maybe softnose? featherless? big feet?

Axe weilding mass murders? Thanksgiving monsters?

Remember that turkey hunting is all about mating calls. Maybe they'd just think of us cross-species perverts. Aviophiles? Bird Pervs?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: MMario
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 12:56 PM

hmmmm - see I assumed that the turkey was identifying with the humans, but recognizing the difference.

As if a gorilla would say "hey - you and me we're both primates"

I think a turkey would consider us "featherless smooththroats"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 01:12 PM

How about just having some fun and not analyse it death? Two-leggeds is a common way of referring to humans, in Native American folklore, and a turkey would be one of the "wing-ed"...so what if he was confused and looked for red stick legs among the tree trunks in cloth?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 01:53 PM

katlaughing:

I was just funnin' ...

sorry.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 02:01 PM

Thanks, Jack. I haven't been in the song challenges for quite awhile and read you wrongly, I am sorry, too.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 02:16 PM

This whole thing is HeeeeeLARious!!

Fun times at the TGG Corral.

It really perks up my spirits and gives me a grin to hear these silly osngs running through my mind!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 03:04 PM

Duh! I think I see where the confusion came from: one of my own lines "two-legs weren't enough" an obscure way to say the people friends weren't enough, but I guess, of course, he could have been searching for a Guinness Book of World Records anomaly of some sort, perhaps a 3 legged? We'll never know...he took it to the grave with him! **BG**

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Philibuster
Date: 13 Dec 01 - 06:07 PM

Turkey Is Gone For A Sculpture
Tune: Johnny Has Gone For A Soldier

His feathers were black,
His balls were blue,
His build was stout,
His peck was cruel!
Ne'er found he a hen for to screw, oh
Turkey is gone for a sculpture.

Chorus:
Strut, strut, strut my bird,
Only sex could ease his woe,
But he never had a love,
Our hero birdy beau,
Turkey is gone for a sculpture.

He'd scratch the cars,
And peck their wheels,
He'd chase the mourners,
And bite their heels!
He barely escaped being some farmers meal,
Turkey is gone for a sculpture.

Our birdy boy died
Not long ago,
Some claim of old age,
But I say it's not so.
'Twas of a sad heart creased by cupid's arrow,
Turkey is gone for a sculpture.

(Break: Turkey In The Straw in Dorian mode)

Final Chorus:
Strut, strut, strut, my bird
You died knowing only the graveyard crows
Oh, Your gobble is sorrly missed
Fresh tears now flow!
Turkey is gone for a scultpure.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: JenEllen
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 02:13 AM

*refresh* You folks make me laugh so very much. I'll get to thinkin', promise.
~J

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 02:16 AM

What are you doing up at 2 in the morning, Lass? Aren't yuou supposed to be recuperating from over work?

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: JenEllen
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 03:16 AM

Well, the last of the finals are done and graded (Meaning I've already dealt with turkeys all day, why shouldn't I come hang out with you? LOL)

Martin (Kaw-liga)

Martin was the messed up gobbler
Standin' by the stones
Wishin' he could fall in love
But he was all alone
Martin, oh Maaar-tin
Peckin' tires daily without rest
Instead of takin' time to build a nest

Poor ol' Martin
He never got a hen
Poor ol' Martin
Old age it done him in
Is it any wonder that his waddle's red?
Spending lovebird time a'gobblin' at the dead

Always fluffin' his turkey feathers
Struttin' down the walk
Chasin' widows around the graves
Just to hear a squawk
Martin, oh Maaar-tin
Furious, because he thought we knew
That he would like a piece of turkey too!!

Poor ol' Martin
He never got a hen
Poor ol' Martin
Old age it done him in
Is is any wonder, that since his egg was made
He's wishin' one more time he could get laid

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 03:47 AM

Brava!!! Wunnerful, wunnerful!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 04:48 AM

A blues ...

There's one kind favour I'll ask of you
There's one kind favour I'll ask of you
No turkey mess on my burial place
Won't you see that my grave is kept clean

Can't you hear that gobblin' sound?
Can't you hear that gobblin' sound?
Can't you hear that gobblin' sound?
Turkey in the buryin' ground

Scratching on my burial mound
Scratching on my burial mound
Scratching on my burial mound
I hear him from below the ground

Serve him up with spuds and beans
Serve him up with spuds and beans
Serve him up with spuds and beans
And see that my grave is kept clean

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 05:46 AM

To the tune of "The Croppy Boy". Have a handkerchief at hand!

It was early, early all in the spring
When small birds whistle and do sweetly sing
Changing their notes from tree to tree
Except for Martin, the Spokane turkey

Firstly, Martin just cannot sing
A raucous gobble is Martin's thing
And don't forget, that he cannot fly
The tree-to-tree stuff just passed him by

Instead he mooches in the oul' bone yard
Thinking life is oh so very hard
Growing sorry for his own self
Wreaking havoc on his mental health

A natural death, or was it suicide?
The latter claim has been oft denied
But did I hear in oul' Martin's croak
The turkey equivalent of a suicide note?

Come all you turkeys, take advice my me
Don't spend your time in human cemeteries
Stay in the wild with your turkey friends
And spare a thought for Martin's tragic end

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: GUEST,Sigurd
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 07:09 AM

Now you have to tell me if Spokane prounounced with a soft 'a' as is my recollection. Up in Ontario, I have no way to be sure.

Hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it. :)


Martin Gobbler
To the tune of The Irish Rover

In the year of our lord, Yes two-thousand and One
He escaped from the thanksgiving axe
Through a fence, down the lane, he was soon on the run.
Yes this turkey was sure making tracks.
He was brave, he was bold, maybe just one year old
A handsome, and feisty wobbler
With a yen for a hen he broke out of his pen
And they called him, Martin Gobbler.

With the day growing late at the cemetry gate
He sought freedom away from the road
Round the tombs and the stones, this bird found a home
He had set up his bachelor abode
With his best fluff and jowl he would go on the prowl
No turkey was looking suave-er (grin)
He would cluck any duck in his search for a mate!
And they called him, Martin Gobbler.

There was never a man, 'cross the length of Spokane
Who had had such a terrible plight
This forlorn Turkey-He found not one Turkey-She
Though he sought her with all of his might
Through his best Turkey pride, he pined for a bride
With a lonesome Gobble - sobber.
Then on June Twenty-four he could take nothing more
Broke the heart of Martin Gobbler

There's a Washington grave for this poor cupid's slave
"Your gobble will be missed" reads the note
Not on hot Turkey Soup, but an Urn shaded blue
Is the vessel on which it is wrote.
For fowel or friend, you're cooked in the end
Your tinker, tail or cobbler
Lovers, as you pass by give a prayer, heave a sigh
At the grave of Martin Gobbler


Bo Vandenberg


(dupicate message deleted by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 07:13 AM

But what if somebody did actually kill poor oul' Martin? Yes ... it's another opportunity to trot out a parody of "Nell Flaherty's Drake"!

Oh me friends of renown, I pray sit you down
For news has come round that may cause you to swoon
For the bird of my heart, the turkey called Mart
Was forced to depart in the middle of June
From his short life of pain in the town of Spokane
And never again shall he shake his oul' tail
Some character vile has wiped out our smiles
His venom and bile has caused us to wail

I hope that the goat gets a dose of the bloat
Or a bone in his throat as he chews on a fish
Or he falls in a pit that is brim-full with shit
Or he happens to sit on a seat damp with pish
May the fleas swarm in legions on his nether regions
And cause him great lesions and suck him near dry
May he get in a fight down the pub every night
And with left and with right someone blacken his eye

As he pulls on the chain may the loo fail to drain
And he'll have to explain to his mother-in-law
May his flies never zip, may his soles never grip
May his piles give him gip till he's scratched them red-raw
May he suffer from chronic gout, gallstones and colic
May one of his bollicks swell like a balloon
And the other contract, may he find himself sacked
Or often attacked by some knife-wielding loon

May he suffer from stutters, his heart beat to flutter
A spell in the gutter would do him no harm
A slap in the kisser, a dig in the fizzer
A midsummer blizzard to white-out his farm
A sudden eviction, a string of convictions
Banes and afflictions to plague all his days
Muscles like jelly, a sag to his belly
And his oul' breath so smelly it causes a haze

May beasts ad infinitum queue up to bite him
May women to spite him turn down his advance
May sniffles and wheezes, splutters and sneezes
All sorts of diseases lead him a dance
From carbuncles and pimples may his oul' face be dimpled
Of no ailment simple may he ever complain
May he pooly the bed till the moment he's dead
The scut that put paid to the bird of Spokane

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:45 AM

man, thursday nights must get the creative juices flowing - or something! Fantastic!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 09:11 AM

Martin The Graveyard Turkey.

Martin The Graveyard Turkey
Had a very strange fetish
And evey time you say it
Make me want to make a speech

All of the other turkeys
Know how many legs they have
That didn't stop old Martin
from hanging round a person's grave

Then one rainy funeral
Martin realized
A service ecumenical
Would open all their eyes

All of the other turkeys
End their days on dinner plates
Martin didn't want to do that
Turkey heaven had to wait

Then Martin had a vision
He committed suicide
He didn't know what coffins did
but he had to get in side

When Martin got to heaven
Twas like the day he hatched his egg
All of his dreams were answered
Now the turkey had three legs.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 09:24 AM

*guffaw* I don't evenwant to ask about the "third leg"!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 09:37 AM

Believe me... you don't WANT to know!

Subject: Turkey Joke
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 09:42 AM

Buying a Turkey
---------------
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 10:07 AM

Oh, sufferin' Jesus! Now somebody tells me it's pronounced Spo-Kan!

In which case – to the tune of "Kelly The Boy From Killane" (another place spelt ane but pronounced an) – let's hear it for "Martin, The Turkey From Spokane".

What's the news, what's the news oh my bold shelmalier
And why are you travelling with such haste
Is the earth 'bout to quake, is the dam 'bout to break
To all before it laying waste?
You may joke, you may jest but nevertheless
When you hear what I say, you'll grow wan
You'll holler and howl, this is murder most fowl
They've killed Martin, the Turkey from Spokane

Not a bird of the air, like the dodo so rare
He was feathered, but his wings were little stumps
He could often be found, tryin' to leave the ground
But the best he could manage was a jump
And though he was big as a pot-bellied pig
He was never a match for a man
Who snoke up behind and with murder in mind
Butchered Marty, the Turkey from Spokane

To hear of such news makes me shake in my shoes
I am frightened and terrified and scared
To commit such an act, and so matter-of-factly
I'd punish the culprit if I dared
But I'll freely admit I am more than a bit
In awe of this brute of a man
Who, in dead of the night, put an end to the life
Of Martin, the Turkey from Spokane

So let's not avenge, let us meet and arrange
A tribute that's fitting to the bird
As a mark of respect let the townsfolk collect
We'll commission a few well-chosen words
We shall speak of our pride, of our shock when he died
Each mourner will do what they can
And with tears in our eyes, we shall each eat a slice
Of Martin, the Turkey from Spokane

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Deda
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:41 AM

LOL, LOL. I have too much going on at work and at home both to sit down and give this one a try -- so I'll pass, but I can't believe that no one has used, "Has anybody here / Seen my old friend Martin / Can you tell me where he's gone?" I'm imagining it sung by a gobbling turkey, sound effects created by gargling while singing.

(PS Amos what the hell are YOU doing up at 2AM? Even if it's EST, you should be asleep by then! Love, the Scolding sib)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Áine
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 12:19 PM

Hello Challenge!rs!! Sorry I haven't handed out that many Silver B.L.O.B.s for this one, but I've been busy revising my website, resizing my gifs, cleaning up my html, scripting my Java, and I only have about 120 more webpages to go . . . pant, pant, pant.

You've all done a marvelous job with ol' Martin here; but, I have some more really excellent Christmas Challenge! stories to tempt you with -- so, would anyone object to moving on to the next one?? Believe me, I think y'all will enjoy the one I'm planning to let loose on ya ;-)

Talk amongst yourselves and let me know, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 12:43 PM

Well, I am just flabbergasted at the charm and wit flying around here. And I think a special note needs to be made of GUEST Sigurd (Bo)'s deposit here on the Mudcat Challenge turkey-guano pile -- a new talent with lots of legs.

Well done, Bo!! LOL!!

And Derry and Sailor, I am rolling around laughing. These are a real hoot.

Jen's salacious references just cracked me up!!! I am still catching my breath!

What a gang!! What talent!!

ROTFLMAO!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Deda
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 01:28 PM

OK, here's a little brain schrapnel, before we leave her, Johnny, leave her:

Lavender's blue, gobble gobble, Lavender's green
I'm just a king, gobble gobble, without a queen

I'm just a tom, gobble gobble, a lonely tom
Without no mom, gobble gobble, nary a mom

See, I told you it was just schrapnel, I said I was too busy for this. Blush. Well anyway, it'a a concept , one of your geniuses can develop it before she slings the next one at us. Gobble gobble.

Aine obviously this does NOT count as an entry!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 01:30 PM

Do They Reunite Turkeys In Heaven?

(Tune: As I Walked Out One Fair May Morning/John Reilly)

After I died, one fair June morning,
And left the earth, left all my care,
Wandered through a star-lit tunnel,
Saw old friends, awaiitng me there!

I saw my Turkey Mom a-calling
On the cloud banks white and blue,
"Though they've had my legs and gizzard,
My Higher Bird is here, with you!"

Then I saw my old friend Violet
A hen I'd known in Finchingfield
"I was struck down in my prime, Tom,
And my body made to yield"

We strolled in endless celebration,
Down the radiant halls of light;
And soon I met my childhood buddy
Fruita's famous Headless Mike.

Another sweetheart soon I saw there,
Free'd from flesh and toil and pain,
"Although I screamed throughout my roasting,
Kay Martin's dinner screamed in vain."

But now we all are re-united,
Birds of feather, kith and kin
And when the Gaelic Goddess calls us
We gather round, and dance right in!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Clifton53
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 01:32 PM

Turkey in Spokane
(Christmas in Prison by John Prine)

A turkey, in Spokane, and this turf is my own
Still struttin' my stuff, but I'm here all alone
How I got here, don't matter, I'm a victim of fate
Can't find no females, and baby I need to mate

Chorus
Wait a while eternity
A hen for Thanksgiving would be fine with me
Fluffin' and puffin' and carryin' on
Ain't done me no good, my love life is gone

The leaves, fall gently,here on this park ground
There's plenty of humans,but no birds around
Still tryin', and cryin', what for I don't know
It's obvious sister, my time's come to go

Chorus

I'm healthy, I'm virile, and man I'm so young
Got a big bright red wattle, and man am I hung
But lonely, and loveless, well it can't be no good
Just sittin' here pinin', with my mornin' wood

Chorus

Well the people, all happy, go scuttlin' home
No thoughts for a turkey, with no place to roam
I'm a turkey, in Spokane, and baby it's cold
No future for me, I'll never get old

Chorus

Ain't nothin',that's bleaker, than a life spent in pain
And there ain't nothin' colder, than Northwestern rain
A turkey, in Spokane, it's time to depart
" He died in his prime, from a big busted heart"

Chorus

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 01:41 PM

LOL Clifton!! You get better every round!

A.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Áine
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 04:28 PM

Alrightey then -- Here are the Golden Cow Chips for all you Challenge!rs that 'talked turkey' for poor ole Martin A. Cudos and congrats to each of you for your masterful and memorable memorium machinations -- and don't forget to check back later for yet another yuletide-tinged Challenge! --


Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Celibate Celebrity by MMario
Martin by JenEllen
Martin A, The Gobbler by derrymacash
Martin Gobbler by Bo Vandenberg
The Spokane Turkey by derrymacash
Village Poultry by Jack the Sailor

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Bird of Constant Sorrow by Amos
The Bird of My Heart by derrymacash
Turkey in Spokane by Clifton53

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic):

Martin's Blues by derrymacash

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon (The Two-Fer-One Coupon is awarded to those Challenge!rs who use two or more Challenge! topics in one song):

Do They Reunite Turkeys In Heaven? by Amos

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

The Lanes of the Graveyard by katlaughing

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Martin, The Turkey From Spokane by derrymacash
Turkey Is Gone For A Sculpture by Philibuster


Fantastic!! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 05:23 PM

As he hangs his head in shame and scrapes the ground with his boot......

He realizes that all the songs can't win or the prizes wouldn't be worth anything...sniff

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Áine
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 05:52 PM

Oh Jackie, Jackie, Jackie -- I must have been blinded by the brilliance of your wee submission, Martin The Graveyard Turkey -- so sorry. Look at it this way -- you now get a Special Announcement!! that your song has been awarded The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon.

Well done, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 05:56 PM

Martin will be so pleased!!!!

I know he's looking down from that big platter in the sky!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:12 PM

WOW!! A GCCWMMSPS !!! AND a twofer!! I am overwhelmed, you incandescent lime-befogged Divinity, you!! Thanks!! Where AM I gonna put all these virtual things?

Good thing virtuality is its own reward -- the more you use, the more you get!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:26 PM

O-WOW-O-WOW, thankyee, darlin'! I am amazed, once again, at the sheer brilliance among us! You guys are focking incredible!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: GUEST,Bo
Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:27 PM

Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest!

That must be the thing in the bottom of the Guinness Can!

I'd like to thank the Academy, and Martin who died to make this all possible. Sniff!

Bo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Nov 06 - 12:01 PM

This is a totally refreshing holiday thread!

LOL

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 75
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 06 - 12:20 PM

Don't forget! Officially, song Challenge!es are never over.