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BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: darkriver Date: 05 Sep 03 - 10:05 PM I could never "aspire" to slacking, or anything else, for that matter. Leave 'em alone, I say, and let them not get on with not doin' they jobs. Honey, type everythin' I'm sayin', sign it Doug and email i |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Nigel Parsons Date: 05 Sep 03 - 03:30 AM I spotted this on the web a little while ago, but in line with the interests of this thread, I procrastinated! Slacker Day! Nige...zzzzzzzzzzz |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie Date: 03 Sep 03 - 09:47 AM Mister would probably nominate me for the ranks of Layabout. ;-) I'm pretty good at it when I set a mind to it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Dani Date: 03 Sep 03 - 07:57 AM Exactly. Tinker knows, dontcha? There is no layabout without there is a layedupon. Dani(who aspires to layabout: as likely as that I'll learn to play the damnbanjo!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: GUEST,Lil Aussie Bleeder Date: 03 Sep 03 - 06:25 AM A girl friend and I decided many years ago that fat mothers had thin children....... all that fetching!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Tinker Date: 02 Sep 03 - 11:58 PM For what Mick? |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Big Mick Date: 02 Sep 03 - 11:52 PM OF COURSE...........WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT??????......TINKER.....SHE WOULD BE PERFECT... |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Tinker Date: 02 Sep 03 - 11:44 PM Mick, I don't often get layabout practice but your post makes my head spin... If the Honorables don "cutesy little" outfits might it not tempt the layabouts to raise their... ummm, exertion levels to less than lazy standards???? How do those who do too much for those who do too little, pass on the ability to others to recline and refrain when they themselves continually care and create??? I think I need a wee dram and a rest...perhaps if I just reflect on it a little longer... Tinker |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Big Mick Date: 02 Sep 03 - 11:24 PM MEMO TO: Mssrs. Fielding, Patterson and Swan From: Mick Lane SUBJECT: Layabout wannabees ------------------------------------------------------------ Brothers, as you can see, we have many wannabe layabouts seeking to join our ranks. The trouble is that they are expending so feckin' much energy tryin' that they are disqualifying themselves just trying. And they are impinging on our layin about because we have to take time to read this aul pile of shite. Training is obviously needed. I would suggest that we form an organization called "The Layabout Scouts" modelled very loosely on the Cub Scouts. One of the main differences is that no attention would be payed to gender, sexual preference, age, or style of music preferred. In fact, we would be so busy layin' about that we wouldn't pay attention to anything. One similarity would be that we would have to have Den Parents/second mommy/second daddy/backup singers to take care of all the actual training based on their observations of us, as that would constitute work which we don't do. Perhaps the formidable group of Mary Lou, Heather, Karen and the right honourable p.j. could take on the task? Hell, they do all the work in our respective households as it is. Maybe we could come up with cutesy little outfits for them, eh? What say you all? Mick Lane Founding Partner Lane, Fielding, Patterson, and Swan Layabouts at Large and for hire It's the least we can do........ |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: katlaughing Date: 02 Sep 03 - 05:36 PM Well, doesn't that just beat all!? Here I up and bring in new recruits, leave some quotes for yer eddyfeekayshun and ya'll are too bizzee doin' nuttin' to even notice! Hmmmphhh....lazy-good-fer-nuttin'-but-laying-about-louts...afraid I might make more work for ya with a few more quotes? No siree....I have over-exerted m'self and must go lie down....oh, for my lavendar-scented hanky! |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Dave Swan Date: 02 Sep 03 - 01:45 PM yawn, stretch. Will somebody please read this thread to me, type a response and get me a beer? D |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Rick Fielding Date: 02 Sep 03 - 12:53 PM Although I'm too lazy to read this and find out what it's all about, I do have the tee-shirt and sweatshirt, so I thought I should at least respond. RLF |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: GUEST,MMario Date: 02 Sep 03 - 09:25 AM you have to realize these men have the highest standards as to the quality of laying about. I disqualified myself for membership when I actually managed to meet 'spaw; having driven almost 15 miles out of my way in order to do so. The exertion required quite obviously showed that I was not up to their standards. |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Sep 03 - 12:34 AM Although it is against our general policy for more than one of us to comment on anything (wasted effort=work), I will add a bit to what Brother Lane has said to LAB. I need to point out that we have no actual workshops or any course of study. To do either of these things would require actual work as opposed to laying about and hence defeat the entire purpose and lie afoul of the Mission Statement of LFPS, where doing sweet damn all is doing too damn much. Spaw Founding Partner |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Amos Date: 02 Sep 03 - 12:21 AM Men layabouts would WELCOME and EMBRACE females candidates (if a bit slowly) but there always seem to be so few who are truly inspired by the calling of layaboutitude... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: mg Date: 02 Sep 03 - 12:01 AM how come it seems to be all men? Do you discriminate? mg |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Big Mick Date: 01 Sep 03 - 10:40 PM Dear LAB, First off, if you are over the age of about 10, it is too late for you to enter the professional ranks of layabouts. This is a talent that has to be practiced over a lifetime. It is 25 years in the learning, 25 years in the practicing, and 25 years in the laying about. Hence, unless you are a prodigal layabout, I have serious doubts as to whether you could achieve pro status in the time you have left to you. If your desire is to simply emulate the greats to some degree, I am sure that if you happen to show up at one of gatherings, you could pick up a few pointers. Mick Lane Founding Partner |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Amos Date: 01 Sep 03 - 10:00 PM Even if you are not doing it right, no-one will be able to discern the difference, so why bother asking? A |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: GUEST,Li'l Aussie Bleeder. Date: 29 Aug 03 - 10:35 PM Do you conduct 'Layabout Shops' or 'Lethargy Shops' I would like to find out if I am doing it right. |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: katlaughing Date: 29 Aug 03 - 01:46 PM I just got back from the dollar sale at the local used bookstore. There I found a book that could have been written with you fellahs, the Layabouts At Large, in mind: Meditations for Men Who Do Next to Nothing (And would like to do even less) by Lee Ward Shore. Some examples: "Just today, give me the willingness to do nothing at all." On Hopes & Dreams..."To hell with the future, I want my guitar!" On Courage: "Brave men take naps where workaholics fear to tread." I'll post more wise words later.**bg** |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: catspaw49 Date: 25 May 02 - 07:15 PM No really Amos....I'm a nice guy....really. I tried to explain but it wasn't getting through and yeah, I was tempted, but I just apologized and smiled at the other folks around. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Amos Date: 25 May 02 - 07:09 PM Knowing Spaw he didn't try very hard. He could have just skewered the guy with a look, and said, "Look, man, if you don't like what my shirt says on it, don't read it!!" :>) A |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Jeri Date: 25 May 02 - 06:49 PM Lotsa people say that, Spaw. "Jeri, you're too much. Couldja get the hell outta here!" They said it a lot when I was a kid. Then I grew up and learned how to behave, more or less. Then I came here and "met" you. End of story. I'm your fault. (And I can just imagine you trying to patiently explain to the guy in the store, all the while trying to keep from saying something smart-assed.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: catspaw49 Date: 25 May 02 - 06:06 PM Geeziz Jeri....You are TOO Too Much!!! Love it!!!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Jeri Date: 25 May 02 - 05:40 PM Parody, While-U-Wait. 20 Minutes! (Didn't have to change much) SITTIN ON MY BUTT THE WHOLE DAY Sittin' in the mornin sun I'll be sittin when the evenin' come Watchin the old TV And I only get up to pee Yea I'm sittin on my butt the whole day watchin the time roll away Ooh I'm just sittin on my butt the whole day Wastin' time I left my chair this mornin' Where I sat in my usual way Cause I thought I'd experienced boredom But I farted, then I felt OK So I'm just goin to sit on my butt the whole day Watchin the time roll away Ooh I'm sittin on my butt the whole day wastin time Look pal nothin's goin to change Inertia - that's the name of the game I won't do what anyone tells me to do So I guess I'll remain the same Yes Sittin' here restin my bones Oh hark - that sounds like the phone Yes Should I answer - nah, it's too far to roam I wish they'd just leave me alone Now I'm jus' gon' sit on my butt the whole day watchin the time roll away Ooh Sittin on my butt the whole day wastin' time |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: DonD Date: 25 May 02 - 05:22 PM Amend previous application for free-lance assignments; no longer limited to Greater New York Area. Now available on world-wide AND interplanetary basis. Wherever in the universe and beyond you have a job you don't want done, I am ready to not do it for you!Neglecting to explore the far side of the Moon, Mars, etc. a specialty/speciality/specialite. (Note trilingual malingering capabilities.) Particular care given to those avoiding enlistment into Morris groups by the "I won't dance, you can't make me" division. |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Jeri Date: 25 May 02 - 05:19 PM Well, I just planted and Astilbe in my garden. Good thing I bought it, or Astilbe sittin' on my butt through the day, watching the hours roll away. (Sounds like it'd make a good song. Hmmm.) Spaw, he couldn't have possibly thought you were trying to take advantage of anyone - it's not like you're not advertising truthfully! ("Hmmm...something's wrong with this. I'm not sure what, but durn it! Gonna give him crap anyway!") |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: catspaw49 Date: 25 May 02 - 04:58 PM Well, this morning I had my first negative reaction to the business. I'm in line at Big Bear getting a few groceries and the man behind me asks about the shirt. I go into my tongue in cheek spiel and he gets irate that anyone would even consider doing it and that we were taking advantage of people! It took about 5 minutes to "unwind" the guy (about 65 or so) and explain. The store manager (who knows me) fortunately found it humorous as did most of the other folks around. I guess the old fart won't be using our services............. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Eric the Viking Date: 16 May 02 - 02:10 PM Arh well Richard-guess skipjack will have to do your beer next year-see you next week! |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: mooman Date: 16 May 02 - 08:58 AM Personally, I cannot believe 'Spaw has passed over the chance of doing what comes naturally on my behalf in exchange for a crate of Belgium's finest! Perhaps the effort involved was just too much! This demonstrates conclusively to me that LFP&S are exactly what they claim to be...a fully accredited and qualified bunch of layabouts and therefore to be recommended to anyone who wants nothing doing properly! mooman |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Mark Cohen Date: 16 May 02 - 07:26 AM Gnu, you had a song there, too, when you said "Won't you lease me?" Remember the old Eddy Arnold favorite: To waste my time is not a sin Please lease me, and let me loaf again Aloha, Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: kendall Date: 15 May 02 - 09:09 PM Check out this song, "The Man who fell through" |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: kendall Date: 15 May 02 - 09:08 PM Check out this song, "The Man who fell through" |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Amos Date: 15 May 02 - 07:24 PM Knowing Spaw, he'd start a tab and then forget where he put it. Of course he always wanted to be, like, Tab Hunter, so it evens out somehow.... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Dani Date: 15 May 02 - 07:20 PM Wheew! Much better. I'll check in again next week. Bill? Or can I start a tab. Dani |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Alice Date: 15 May 02 - 07:15 PM Sorcha, Layabouts don't do windows... or carpets, ovens, yards, or any of that crap. |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Sorcha Date: 15 May 02 - 06:11 PM Now listen all you lay-abouts!! What I need is somebody to clean this joint up! Ovens, windows, carpets, yard,,,,,all that crap. If you guys can't do the job I guess I'll just have to hire somebody else!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: DonD Date: 15 May 02 - 05:52 PM Representation in Greater New York area is available. Please send any assignments and FEES to my wife who will roll me over and put them in my pocket. |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: catspaw49 Date: 15 May 02 - 05:46 PM Amos, the job is yours but I must point out that pain does NOT enter the true Layabout equation. Also....... I'd like to announce that at Lane, Fielding, Patterson, and Swan we have also found dogs very useful in a variety of layabout non-activities. We even have a company mascot that is quite expert in the field as well. My Longhaired Blue Weimaraner met all of the criteria needed to be a Layabout Mascot as you can see here and also at his best in this photo. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Amos Date: 15 May 02 - 05:35 PM Call yourselves professionals, huh? And then lay about with a bunch of disclaimers: "There are some forms of doing nothing up with which we will not put...". Huh!! Sissy lil amateurs!! LOL!! I'll break in your darn thongs, Kat, and that for half of what these loafers charge and in only twice the time!! But I ain't washing them!! a
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: catspaw49 Date: 15 May 02 - 05:20 PM I was overjoyed to find the 'Cat down for awhile as I was able to get really serious in my relaxation and because of that I can say that Dani is now 100% relaxed, refreshed, and ready to go!!! Kat, one of us would do the thong thing for you and Rog, but as you are probably aware, serious Layabouts also avoid any and all forms of pain and this of course includes thongs. Sorry Darlin' but there are some things we won't do........as a matter of fact there are a lot of things we don't do because of the effort required as well. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: GUEST,ozmacca Date: 14 May 02 - 12:41 AM Hey Kendall, when I told my boss I was doing the work of three men, he asked me who the other two were so he could fire them..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Ebbie Date: 14 May 02 - 12:36 AM You guys are making me so sleepy... |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Dave Swan Date: 13 May 02 - 08:40 PM The one eyed hound-dog, the Chevy on blocks, and the beer gut and torn T-shirt are registered service marks of LFPS. Any unauthorised use of these will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the.....yeah, whatever.....soon as I can...we'll see about.....huh?zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: kendall Date: 13 May 02 - 08:31 PM Banjer, When I was withnthe National Marine fisheries service, my district was the whole state of Maine; a coastline of 3000 miles. When I left, they replaced me with three men. |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Tinker Date: 13 May 02 - 08:28 PM SIGN ME UP!!!! But I think what I need most is encouragement and training in loafing and layabout. As part of the target market will your service not only make me feel better, but can you guarantee it's contagious????Can it infect a whole household???? I let 3 kids each sign up for 2 sports each this spring and my husband was given dual departments to manage..... My garden is crying for someone to go sit and enjoy it... I know it's under the weeds.. . somewhere... Tinker |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: GUEST,The Inevitable Troll Date: 13 May 02 - 08:11 PM Yep, that's me alright. Just posting the facts here...the other side of the story. You just knew it was gonna happen. The above group of gentlemen are, I believe, misrepresenting themselves. They *claim* to be "layabouts." I wonder if they can explain how incorportation and subsequent advertising fit in with the general image of a layabout!! I mean, it takes *work* to do these things and they claim to avoid work. Somebody had to design and create that logo, and *that* took work! Don't tell me they hired someone to do it because none of them has any money. (Unless they've received charitable contributions, in which case I want to see their form thingie. Right now! Go get it - I'll wait.) I happen to know that one Mudcat member, Jeri, whom I don't have any connection with whatsoever, has *thought* about starting a professional house guest business, but that's the difference - she just *thought* about it, but she didn't actually *do* it, and she doesn't actually do much of anything except write a lot of run-on sentences, but I am *not* connected with her! (Mick, some of those portals aren't supposed to spew liquids of any sort. Eeeew!) Sincerely, The Inevitable Troll (Who has absolutely no connection with Jeri) |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Amos Date: 13 May 02 - 07:29 PM I dunno, gnu -- yopur application looks perfect to me, but maybe ya left something out? Hit the "Submit" key too energetically? Ya never know in an exacting profession like this how low the standards have to be maintained... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: Big Mick Date: 13 May 02 - 07:27 PM Well.........thanks a million, peej. I have now managed to spew fluids through every available portal on my body from laughing so damn hard. That is twice you have done this to me ("If you see anything you don't understand, feel free to ask.............ROFLMAO). Jaysus, woman, would you give me a bit of a warning???? Love to you and my fellow layabout, Mick |
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Subject: RE: BS: LaneFieldingPatterson&Swan-What YOU Need From: gnu Date: 13 May 02 - 07:05 PM I thot my application above would stand me in good stead for a position, but, apparently, I have to prove myself, again. F*** it. Like I said on the other thread, pick a pup on your way out and close the damn door behind you this time. I can't be bothered with the flies. I mean, Jaysus, I worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends, oh Spaw, won't you you lease me... |
