 sj |
||
|
||
Music and Depression
|
|
|
|||||||
|
Music and Depression |
Share Thread
|
||||||
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Fibula Mattock Date: 31 Jan 03 - 07:02 AM Hey Naemanson, I now have an ex-fiance (it's been one year now), and I have clinical depression (not related to the break up it seems). I get what you're going through. Medication is a help when all is so hopeless-seeming that you just don't care if you're living or dead, but as you'll know already, it takes a while to kick in. For me, when I was at my lowest (not actively seeking to kill myself - it's just that if I'd fallen off a cliff I wouldn't have put a hand out to stop myself) I couldn't do anything without being overwhelmed by grief and misery. Listening to music was right out. I normally sing around the house (when there's no one there to hear me), but I couldn't manage even that.Concentration was impossible. Sleep was impossible. Living seemed pretty damn impossible. In didn't even want to be on Mudact - I didn't want to talk to anyone. I don't know what has got me to the more calm state I'm in now - probably the medication mostly. Being in daylight helped a lot - nighttime was, and still is, a time when everything played on my mind.I'm still no good with sad music, but I can listen to upbeat stuff. I even caught myself humming when cleaning out my fridge the other day. And as for your video games - you should try playing Riven - it's lovely and superbly mind-absorbing (if you like twisty, difficult puzzles and beautiful graphics). Good luck... |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Stilly River Sage Date: 31 Jan 03 - 02:40 AM Distilling the remarks and adding some of my own thoughts: First and foremost, Depression is normal and your body is simply telling you that a period of adjustment is necessary. I go through depression because of this kind of event--usually the death of a loved one (and you're dealing with the death of a relationship). It looks like everyone posting remarks here has also dealt to some degree with depression, and after a while you learn how to use it, and sometimes, how to head it off. (We should all agree that this plagues very intelligent highly gifted individuals!) I'm personally very afraid of the medications, so have avoided them. Didn't even use painkillers when I had my children. Finding yourself curled up in fetal position isn't great, so you need to look outside yourself for answers, but you also need to talk and find answers in yourself. As one who frequently contributes long messages to these threads (Duh. . .) I find Freud's talking cure to be the most effective for me. Things you can do: Good luck. You have come far enough to reach out to this Mudcat family to ask for help, now don't continue to beat up on yourself. Let some of these good wishes sink in. Seriously. Look at what people like Kendall have been through in the past year, and the miracle that we saw unfold, as Mudcatters offered advice and made connections for him and helped him get the best of care and of cures. Take the energy this society offers and put it to good use. SRS |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Mudlark Date: 31 Jan 03 - 01:42 AM Naemanson...lots of good advice here, plus sometimes it just takes time. I was a lifelong book addict...until my husband died. I still have trouble concentrating on the written word, nearly 2 yrs later. I lost music for a while too, but was able to get it back by hooking up with a music program sponsored by Hospice. I started playing in convalescent and long-term care facilities and it really helped me get back into playing and singing...I wasn't doing it "for myself" but working out appropriate songs for a much older crowd, trying to come up with sing alongs, etc. Quite different from my usual approach. Don't give up on love...if love hasn't been good to you, now is the time to figure out why. If councilling appeals, even w/o funds you can usually find some support if you look around, either minimum cost or at least sliding scale. You can be your own therapist tho, if you're willing to work at it. There are those that say the unexamined life is not worth living! A thot for you: time heals all wounds. A thot for her, if she really did you wrong: time wounds all heels. Breathe often, smile as much as you can... Nancy |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: mg Date: 31 Jan 03 - 12:02 AM Not so quick. All relationships do not end in tears. Some have happy endings and middles. Did fiancee do a number on you or was it a case of her realizing that the relationship was not one she could continue in, and let you down as gently as possible? If (a) I will lead the posse and we'll make her rue the day. If (b) there are other women out there and Mudcat Matchmaker Service might be able to help in due time. mg |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Naemanson Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:19 PM Amos – That's a good suggestion but in the process of losing my fiancée I also lost my house and my bank account. I now live in a one bedroom apartment. Plus it's winter and it's Maine with three feet of snow on the ground and temperatures hovering near and below zero. Still, it's warmer than her heart. Bagpuss – Thanks. I try to keep on keeping on. Counseling is not an option because of my financial/health insurance situation. I managed to get my doctor to prescribe the same antidepressants I used a couple of years ago and they seem to be helping somewhat. I am still trying to do music but my heart just doesn't seem to be in it. I've tried keeping a diary but I have to be careful not to read it because that deepens my depression. Jeri – Yes, I am alone. My kids have both gone off to college and with Rebecca gone I tend to spend a great deal of time by myself. I am getting used to it and I do get out and about occasionally but that is very dependent on money. The toughest part is in the morning when I have to force myself into my clothes and out the door. Once I get moving I am better but there have been mornings when I lose that fight. No-brain activity – Yeah, I've found that helps. In my case it's video games. I figure every hour spent not thinking of her is a successful hour. nutty – She used to enjoy coming to my performances. It was nice to see her in the audience. It played hell with my ability to sing heartbreak songs when I was in love. I now do a hell of a job on Sally Free And Easy though. There are several suggestions for exercise. I try but there are times when I can't get past the inertia of the depression. I used to work out daily and felt great but now I am having a tough time getting to the gym on a regular basis. I gotta work on this. Keeping busy should help. I have a great spot in my apartment for a small workbench. I've always wanted to explore the mysteries of the hand cut dovetail joint so I will try to build a woodshop in the pass through between the kitchen and living room. mary garvey – Unfortunately the last thing I need is anything to add to my already ample padding so chocolate should not figure in my cure. wilco48 – The meds I settled on were the result of a lot of tinkering while under professional care. They seemed to be helping but I was never able to figure out how much was due to the pills and how much was due to my own improvement. I quit taking the pills several months into my relationship and didn't notice any diminution of good attitude. Go figure. Hooking up again – Never more. All relationships end in tears and I am done crying. I am discovering the good parts of a single life and I hope to settle into it as best I can. I am planning to move to Europe this year so a change of environment is in the cards. This one is the third failed relationship in this area and I am surrounded by reminders. It's time to move on. Thanks to everyone for your help and support. I appreciate al those who have offered their services by PM. I am riding an emotional roller coaster right now, some days I am up and some days I am down. I cannot seem to cross that half way line and get up into the upper half of the scale though. And I don't derive a great deal of pleasure from music either. But I have hope. By the way, I only have internet access at work these days so don't worry if you don't see me here for the next three days. I will see you, Jeri, tomorrow as I will be in Portsmouth for the day and want to hit the Press Room in the evening. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: SINSULL Date: 30 Jan 03 - 06:04 PM N...back on meds? Why did you go off of them? Depression is related to seratonin levels in the brain. Medication (and exercise) help to increase the level and you feel better, focus better, function better. Why stop? If side effects are an issue, work with your doctor to change. But stopping seems pretty self defeating. Therapy worked for me. It took five years and I wish I had had it when I was twenty. But I look back to the time when I was depressed, even suicidal, and wonder at how simple it all was and how hard I made it for myself. Try not to shut yourself away from people who care about you. If you don't want to sing, then come encourage others in their efforts. Or play that incredibly beautiful bargain guitar. See you in Portsmouth? |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: nutty Date: 30 Jan 03 - 05:38 PM Jeri ... you are right about most of the songs being crap ...in fact most of them don't get finished - BUT - just occasionally, I will come across something that I have scribbled on the back of an envelope and am able to craft it into a song that I am happy with. The main thing is that when I'm depressed I can't be bothered with books or TV, so have a mind open and receptive to ideas. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: wilco Date: 30 Jan 03 - 04:58 PM Naemanson: For 35 years, I've worked professionally, of and on, with situations like yours. Lots of great advice has already been given. I would add a few thoughts. The first is that you probaly are depressed, and it is a natural response to a deeply felt loss. What really jumps-out at me is the statement that you have started taking meds "again." In neuro-biological disorders, the right mix of meds occurs in about 5% of the cases, on the first try. In other words, it might take some time to get the right meds at the right strength. Also, it takes about a week or two for meds like proaac and paxil to "kick-in." Sometimes. you might have to try several meds to get the right one. Don't isolate yourself. Make it a point to go places, see people, do things, etc. If I've learned anything in 35 years, it's this: Time really does heal lots of things. We have all had our hearts broken too. feel free to PM me. Wilco in Tennessee It is important to talk to somebody, a good friend will do. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Ed. Date: 30 Jan 03 - 03:12 PM Harvey, Delius didn't save your life. You did that bit. Delius was a helpful voice. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: harvey andrews Date: 30 Jan 03 - 03:00 PM I was down like I had never been so down in my life, but that's not the story. The story is that in the deepest down I walked into Woolworths.At that time they were selling a series of LP's called "music for pleasure". cheap but excellent. I thumbed through the rack and something told me that as I was going to start a new life I should start it now. For no reason I can fathom I bought two LP's one of two Mozart symphonies and the other of pieces by Delius. I had one or two classical records but I hardly ever listened to them. Within a few days I played the Delius every few hours. The effect those pieces had on me was unbelievable. Every play was one step more up that depression mountain to the sun. The Mozart kicked in too and I found myself buying an LP a week and building a collection of music I'd never really listened to before. No words, no voices, just sound. I can honestly say Delius saved my life. I don't know what your "Delius" will be, but it's out there. Sounds like a new life is about to begin. Ditch the pills and fight back. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Hippie Chick Date: 30 Jan 03 - 02:44 PM Naemanson, Depression can be tricky sometimes. You get so used to it that you think you're at a normal state of mind. Check with your Doctor and tinker with meds; exercise; do some volunteer work. Helping others is a great way to feel good about what you're doing, and others benefit as well. Eat healthy and sleep 8 hours. So after all the good advice, you can get through this. Find things to enjoy about being single before hooking up again. Being happy as you are increases the likelyhood of a positive relationship in the future. (oops - that was advice too) Take care and PM me if you wish. Hippie Chick |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: KJ Date: 30 Jan 03 - 02:41 PM You're bereaved & grieving & suffering from a loss,depression is a common & a natural occurrence after such an event. It takes time to work through it so don't think of it as pathological just yet. Your music is in you & always will be, sometimes it does get lost for a while but in time it can be reclaimed & is sometimes better & more fulfilling than it was before. Keep slogging away & do what is right for YOU, be kind to yourself & love yourself. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie Date: 30 Jan 03 - 02:34 PM Morty, with me it's apathy too. When I get into that "who cares" gear, I have to stop and throw it in reverse. Now I know what to watch for and how to deal with it. Someone suggested keeping your hands busy, and I will heartily second that. I like to make things and that always helps - especially making and giving a gift to a friend. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: mg Date: 30 Jan 03 - 02:01 PM Very very loud Linda Rondstadt albums...does chocolate work for men? No refined sugar or starch. More protein and vegetables and fats (olive oil, butter, nut oils, fish oil). Lots of fish. Feed your brain. Lots of sea air. If you meet nice women, tell them what is going on so you don't accidently lead them on if you are not able to consider anything long-term right now. mg |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Jeri Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:48 PM I write songs when I'm depressed too - I just never finish them. Good thing, as I can usually look at them later on and finish them in a way that's more hopeful...because mine are also usually CRAP. Through the years, I've always found playing music helps. Sometimes music felt like my only friend and one that would never let me down. Now, I often don't feel like playing when I feel depressed. I force myself to pick up an instrument and once I do, it does make me feel better. Singing to myself doesn't have the same effect. Singing with others is probably better than anything - it can just seem like an enormous effort to get there. Sometimes, just keeping your hands busy can help. When my father died, my best friend bought me a paint-by-numbers thing. I wasn't sure if I should be insulted, since we were both heavily into real oil painting. I got it out at one point and found myself losing hours in this no-brain-required activity. It doesn't fix anything, but it does allow a little vacation from thinking, just like meditation. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Morticia Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:42 PM I am so sorry to hear this, Brett although I had an idea something was up.I suffer from clinical depression and have become my own 'expert' in dealing with it but what works is very subjective.For me the overwhelming bit that makes it depression rather than just being a bit pissed off is the feeling of EVERYTHING being out of my control.Apathy sets in and bingo, I'm back on mummy's ( or daddy's) little helpers. I've learned over the years that if I can spot the signs in time and accomplish something ( anything) in a day, I gradually start to feel better so I MAKE myself go for a walk, clean out a drawer, return those library books.....whatever seems realistic to accomplish that day. As a feeling of having more control, and of course, more order in my life returns,I start to feel better.This is not a quick fix, it can take weeks or months but it works for me. I hope you start to feel better soon and I'm willing you on from over the sea. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: harpgirl Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:40 PM ...well, I hate to sound like a professional. I think the best way to get over an old love is to find a new love, Bret. You're so cute, once you're back in circulation you'll recover quickly, I think. Good luck |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Micca Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:28 PM Naemanson, some of the above has worked for me, Listening to Mahler and Mozart or Wagner is usually beneficial, Great overwhelming music!! I tend to avoid ,if possible, Blues and depressing music....and like Nutty I write songs too. many of the ones I have written at such times are CRAP!!! but there has been the odd Gem. but they help release feelings, Poetry too works, Not FOR anyone, Just for me!! good Luck with it,hope you are better soon, hope to sing with you sometime!! |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:27 PM I had very good luck with counseling. I was only sorry I hadn't done it years ago. I ditto what everyone else has said. :-) |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: GUEST,Frank Hamilton Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:20 PM Naemonson, Please look into Cognitive Therapy. Also, please get the following book, "Overcoming Depression--A Cognitive Therapy Approach for Taming the BEAST." (The last word is not shouting, it's an acronym) by Mark Gilson and Arthur Freeman. You can purchase it through Psycorp.com. You will find it most helpful. Get the Client edition. Cognitive Therapy is a specific approach to treating depression and anxiety that relies on a number of exercises (charting, and they work. Physical exercise is a good suggestion given to you. Also, even though you don't find much joy in doing the music now, keep doing it regardless because it will change if you don't quit. The most important thing is to keep active at the necessary things of life but also at things you would normally enjoy. You can lick this thing. Frank Frank |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: nutty Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:06 PM It sounds as if music has become a solitary occupation .... eg performance at the coffee house ......and therefore something of a chore . Is this how music used to be when you had a partner. did she used to comer along and support you when you played? Do you need to find a new venue or session where you are joining with other musicians and really having fun? Do you need to get away to a festival???? Do you need to try playing a new instrument???? I get depressed at times as well but, fortunately for me, that seems to be the time when I write most of my songs. Hope this is only a temporary faze and that life will sort itself out in a positive way for you. All the best Hazel |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Jeri Date: 30 Jan 03 - 12:55 PM I tend to get depressed from time to time, but I think it's hormones. I think it's perfectly normal to mourn the loss of a relationship. The problem is when the mourning period should be over and you seem to be stuck there. You know you just have to wait it out, so you wait...and wait. Bagpuss sounds like a professional. In any case, she(?) makes perfect sense. Much of what goes on is chemical, but I don't believe we have absolutely NO control, but how much depends on each individual. Excercise does help, even if it's just going out for a walk. Talking with people - well, you're not alone, are you? I tend to feel worse when there are no distractions and I can crawl up me own arse in peace. If I do have distractions, I usually don't have the time or attention span to dwell on how miserable I am. Of course, this only helps if the depression isn't bad enough to completely immobilise you. I also think some form of therapy (what's 'cognitive therapy'?) might be beneficial - not just to get you out of this episode, but perhaps help prevent or minimize future episodes. Might just give you some mental tools to help fight the beast. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Bagpuss Date: 30 Jan 03 - 09:25 AM Anhedonia, or the loss of the ability to enjoy things you would normally enjoy is a classic symptom of depression, and it is certainly one from which i suffer when I am depressed. Try not to let your lack of enjoyment stop you from doing these things altogether, as that is likely to compound the problem as you become more withdrawn. Have anti depressants worked for you in the past? Maybe you and your doc need to tinker around with the dose, or change the drug. I know I have had to tinker around with medication quite a lot until I found the right combination. Or maybe you could try some other sort of treatment, like cognitive therapy or something similar. Talk to your doc about your options. On the self help front, if there is anyone you can talk to about how you feel, then do. If not, try writing it down, for example in a diary. Also, try to keep doing things even though you are not enjoying them to the same extend, and keep in touch with people if you can. Exercise is also thought to be good in treating depression, so try to do some regularly - in the fresh air and daylight if you can. Depression is beatable (even if it has a tendency to return). And you *can* beat it. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. Bagpuss |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: JedMarum Date: 30 Jan 03 - 09:21 AM I can't speak to the question directly, but it occurs to me that you are not happy with the activity of music ("getting up on stage") - but perhaps you might immerse yourself in other people's recorded music and find some solace or connection. Try variety ... go to the library and find some things you've never tried before and maybe wanted to ... try blues, especially old blues, try classical, try choral or opera ... maybe this coupled with your efforts to treat the depression (it sounds like you are doing that) will rekindle your enjoyment of performance. Best of luck. |
|
Subject: RE: Music and Depression From: Amos Date: 30 Jan 03 - 09:18 AM Naemanson: What??? I am sorry!! I hadn't heard. You are NOT losing your ability. You're just sitting in the loss of it all. Not exactly a musical moment. If I were handing out suggestions, I would suggest you throw yourself into physical activity. Chopping wood, building with large timbers, planting a garden, or just walking a mile and back every day. Healing from a shock like that takes time. But you don't have to succumb to it. There is a way through and out. A |
|
Subject: Music and Depression From: Naemanson Date: 30 Jan 03 - 09:10 AM In October I went from fiancee to ex. Since then I have been unable to enjoy music at all. I fear I am losing my ability to make music. The few times I've dragged myself to a coffeehouse I have not enjoyed the effort of getting up on stage and I have not been happy with my performances. I do suffer from depression and have started taking anti-depressants again. This doesn't seem to help. Any similar stories or suggestions? |
| Share Thread: |