When the Audience Misbehaves

Subject: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:05 PM

Last weekend Mister and I were playing at an outdoor historic event, and a little boy kept getting up on the stage (which was just a little wooden platform). It was extremely distracting, but I didn't hold it against him 'cause he was little, maybe only 3 or 4, and he was having a good time. His father, however, was sitting RIGHT THERE and didn't do a lot to make him behave. Finally they left.

Can you really do anything in a situation like that without seeming like a bad guy? We maintained politeness and composure, but it was hard.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:13 PM

Kids are one thing. But what do you do when some old cougar comes up on stage and runs her hands all over you, in your pockets, up your ass crack and cups your riggin'? All while you're trying to sing.

Answer: Keep on singing; you're a pro. Then smile sweetly and point to the tip jar. Gawd, I'm such a whore!

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:16 PM

Come to think of it, I don't think his daddy tipped us at all...

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:27 PM

"Keep on singing; you're a pro."
F#ck that! I'm a pro... I don't have to put up with bullsh!t like that... I call the bouncer and have her tossed out on her skanky a$$!

"didn't do a lot to make him behave"
Easy... "Hey dad... discipline your kid, or -I- will"

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Alba
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:28 PM

I had a similiar situation recently.
I stopped midway and asked the audience to clap for the little Girl and then her Parents for supporting Music and bring their Little Person along to hear me!!!!!.
Worked a treat.
As you say Kim the little person is only expressing themself and I love to see little People getting into the Music...but....the Parents however.....well....who Knows!!!
It works trust me, nothing like the spotlight to stop it in it's tracks if it is putting you off. The Little Person is left feeling good about Their fun and the Parent(s) are told politely...enough now you have shared the spot long enough....politely though.
Nothing like being a Musician Babysitter...lol...The Music must have been rippin fur the young'in! nothing like a Little Person's taste to make you feel you are doing something right:>)
Best Wishes to You and Mister
Jude

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:34 PM

I know you never minded being the "bad guy", Clinton. ;)

But you think the audience'd stand by and watch you "discipline" somebody else's kid?

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Sorcha
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:38 PM

Well, usually we don't mind when Littles get up with us but there have been times....I just asked for the parent to come and collect the child. The embarassment factor usually works.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:38 PM

Usually all that is needed is the hint, that I'd actually do it...

Thankfully, I don't play places that have kids... (something to be said for bar/pub gigs after all I guess LOL)

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Phil Cooper
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:40 PM

We had a kid incident almost exactly as described above. We maintained composure. On the break someone told the organizer to talk to the parents. It turns out, they left at that point, so it was academic. Kids don't learn how to behave at live events if they're not taken to any. On the other hand, they won't learn with parents who don't have a clue.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 05:51 PM

This is serious thread creep, but I just have to share this:

Sometimes, although it hasn't occurred to you, you've done something that invites your audience to abuse you. My band was playing awhile back at a sea festival in front of San Francisco's Hyde St. Pier (Chanteyranger's park). We were clustered in front of the park entrance, under a sign that announced our band's name.

So as we're playing, someone walks up to our mandolin player and says, "Excuse me, would you please hold my dog while I go out onto the pier?"

We were stunned. Our mandolin player just stood there, holding the leash he'd been handed and trying to find words to express how rude the guy had been.

That's when we all realized the sign that announced our name read -- quite accurately -- "The Dogwatch Nautical Band."

Claire

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST,Peter from Essex
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 06:25 PM

Never seen kids climbing on the stage but I have seen some quite frightening incidents when parents regard a crowded dance floor as a suitable play area for their toddlers.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 07:19 PM

Similar thing happened at a festival in the Scottish Borders the other year, while a kid climbed on to the front of the stage while Sean Keane was singing. He carried right on like a true professional and at the end of his set presented his tin whistle to the child, who had learning difficulties. The organisers were keeping a very watchful eye as the kid was very close to all the electrical equipment. The parents seemed not to take any action at all - why?

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Leadfingers
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 07:46 PM

Scene is Folk Club in Back room of Pub/restaurant - Entry is through room with Pool Table . Two pairs of adults with several children are sitting round the Pool Table which two of the children are misusing .
Lad about ten comes through doorway into back of folk club and yells out . The THIRD time he does it I walk through and say ,quite calmly
"That is one of the reasons people object to children in Pubs" and walk back into club . Next thing I know I have this 'Lady' screaming at me NOT to insult her son ! No Further comment .

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: M.Ted
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 08:07 PM

Truth be told, adults tend to do much more damage than small children--I have seldom seen drunken children, children seldom heckle, and I don't remember the last time a toddler threaten legal action--Most significantly, when children get out of hand, the parents are generally close enough a hand to intervene--which is not true when adults misbehave--

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Joybell
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 08:17 PM

Yes it's a familiar story to us too. There is something about me that attracts little kids. Never knew what it was. Babies I've never seen before put their little arms up at me and gurgle. Toddlers wander away from mothers to stand at my feet and smile up at me. Mostly it's not too much of a problem because they are usually silent and sort of mesmerized. The occaisonal dancing cutey can cause a distraction during a serious song. I've had some success with, "Now it's time to sit down there with Mummy and listen to this story-song". Or "It's great that she's so interested but it would be terrible if she got electocuted!" Joy

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: iamjohnne
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 10:58 PM

I have seen performers "shush" the audience from the stage at a paying gig. If all you are getting paid is tips though you kinda have to play through the distractions. Parents should keep mind of the kids though.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 11:08 PM

What'll I do with the baby-o?

Look it up... oughtta take care of the problem.

Dance him north and dance him south,
Dance him north and dance him south,
Put a little whiskey in his mouth,
If he won't go to sleepy-o.

Or at least it goes something like that.

At our weekly church gig we actually like the kids to come crowd up against us while we play. There's something in the vibrations they need, tactilely. I've gotten pretty good at playing and singing and welcoming all at the same time, but Hardi has me beat-- 3-yer-old Katarina just HAD to hold hands with him during the consecration of communion!

~S~

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: freightdawg
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 11:47 PM

I agree with those who would approach the parents from a safety standpoint. You can get your point across (hey, watch your kid) but from a standpoint that puts you and the parents on the same side (I sure would hate to see this little fellow/gal get hurt - could you please come collect him/her.)

True story. I was officiating a Jr. high basketball game. Small gym, bench seats all the way to the edge of the court. I'm about midway when a fast break comes rippin down the court and I turn to lead the play to the far basket. 10 feet in front of me a precocious toddler gets away from mommy and makes it about three feet onto the court (right in front of me.) In what could rightly be called my greatest athletic move, I swooped the little kid up and handed it to it's parent without even breaking stride. At the next dead ball, I looked to the sideline to see what the result was, and the kid was in a clamp-lock that would make any wrestler proud. Made it through the rest of the game just fine.

Big amps, electric cords, mic stands and all the other paraphanelia are definitely not a place for wee ones.

Freightdawg

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 12:19 AM

Boy in the front row of church.
Toy car.
Rolling it over the the hymnals, the pew, his legs,etc.
Pastor, in a quiet moment of prayer...leans over...and in a hushed whisper says, "Please, could you make that car stop?"

At which, in a hushed silence the child blurts out....at full playground volumne, "Sure....SHHHHRRRRREEEEEEECCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: LadyJean
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 12:36 AM

The Smokey City Folk Festival featured "workshops" which were really miniconcerts. A woman used to bring her children, named Rueben and Rachel. They would chase each other, screech, I remember Rueben trying to drown out the singers. Their mother would sit there, completely oblivious. A friend knew her from the LaLaiche league. She said they were like that all the time, and their mother didn't seem to notice. Some parents don't. I've also known people who were pleased that their children were loud and aggressive. Tact is required when dealing with such children and such parents.
I love to go to the Tamburitzans' outdoor show. The kids dance along, offstage, but they dance. Bully for them! I love dancing, and they aren't bothering anyone.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 12:38 AM

When it happens, which it does regularly at Festivals, I simply say "There's a lot of stuff up here that could hurt your kid if it fell on him. Let's get all the kids sitting on the ground in front of the stage, and I'll do a few songs for them." Usually works a treat.
Or, if I'm really feeling sarky, "Welcome to the Seamus Kennedy Show and Day Care Center.
Drop 'em off here and go to the bar. I can't gurantee that they'll be here when you get back."
However, since I sell my kids' CD at festivals, I usually take the first approach.
A little thing that works well for me is this: after I've done a bunch of kids' songs I'll say,
"Hey kids, if your Mommy and daddy really love you, they'll buy you my kids' CD. If you children leave without one of my CDs, it means that your Mommy and Daddy don't really love you, and they're gonna drive away and leave you here; and you'll never, ever see them again. And you'll get eaten by the giant jellyfish which ooze up out of the pond (or river, or lake) to seek out little kids who don't have my CD."
I usually move a shitload of 'em after that spiel.

Seamuas

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST, not telling!
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 02:52 AM

Cluin:

Fascinating. Tell me, where are you performing next? ;-)

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Deckman
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:21 AM

Children are an abomidation and should NOT be allowed to continue. Period. me (I know, I've raised three of the little bastards).

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 04:24 AM

Deckman - may I welcome you as an honorary life member of the King
Herod Appreciation Society. Formed in memory of one of the greatest
forward thinkers of all time.

It's not just at gigs though. How often have you seen a six or seven
year old left in charge of an overloaded supermarket trolley taking the frozen food slalom at speed whilst arguing with its younger siblings? The problem lies with assinine parents who deserve a clip round the ear just as much as the kids.

Pete

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 04:31 AM

Did you know that partenthood was heriditary? If your parents didn't have any children you are not likely to either...

I am in agreement with whoever said it is adults misbehaving that area bigger problem. While it can be annoying to the paying audience to have lttle Jimmy running about I find it far more distracting to have the impromptu rhythm section strike up out of time to the band or the out of key choir join in on a sensitive ballad;-)

One guy I know solved the problem of a drunken heckler in the best way I have ever seen though. Between songs he walked up to him smiling and said ever so politely "If you don't F£$k of now I will kick your f&*king head in". That's what I like. The subtle approach:-)

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Melani
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 05:03 AM

Claire--thanks for enlightening me. I always thought it was called the "dogwatch" because it was "curtailed."

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Mooh
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 07:14 AM

Saw one festival performer in similar circumstances announce, "Shit, upstaged by a children's act again!" and leave the stage.

As for drunk women assaulting the band, usually bouncers don't have clue what to do. It's easiest just to let the band do some quieter piece while the drummer leads the whore away for a good boffing.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST,Hugh Jampton
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 07:25 AM

Leadfingers,
             There are places where public performances can be    successfully conducted and places where they should definitely not be arranged,(access and passage for uninterested public, close proximity to competing functions etc>,etc.). Go for the former on all occasions.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 07:30 AM

Explosives.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 08:14 AM

Mr Jampton (any relation to Michel Bentine ) - Sometimes , IF you wish to keep a Folk Club going , there is often a limited choice of possible venues .

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST,Hard 8 :: ::
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 09:29 AM

I remember a story from Richard Gilewitz, who was playing at the Flora-Bama Lounge (which I hope is still standing at this point, right on the Gulf, straddling the Florida - Alabama state line).

He was playing classical guitar, J, S. Bach Cantata 147 (Herz & Mund, etc.) when an intoxicated denizen of the "Redneck Riviera" charged the stage and in Richard's face, said, "I wanna hear some Jimmy Buffet."

Gilewitz continues to play.

After a moment says, quietly, "This is Jimmy Buffet".

Drunk says, "Cool! Sounds like angels & sh#t". Sits back down.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST,Hugh Jampton
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 10:44 AM

Leadfingers,
             Surely, with a little understanding and co-operation from "mine host" provision could be made to ensure a smooth evening when the club was in session; it would be to the benefit of all, not least the pub turnover and the club reputation. We have managed for years and years although I do admit, in all the clubs, we have never had the presence of children.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: PoppaGator
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 10:55 AM

(Thread creep to follow.)

Hard 8:

Sad to say, the FloraBama Lounge is *GONE* along with most of Orange Beach and Gulf Shores. Hurricane Ivan tore up the coast from Mobile Bay through Pensacola and points east pretty thoroughly.

I live in New Orleans and bugged out for about 36 hours. We were spared -- it didn't even rain a drop, although there were apparently fairly high winds and some minor flooding within one or two blocks of the lakefront. In hindsight, we could have stayed home and saved a lot of money and trouble, but you never know...

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Vixen
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 11:26 AM

A friend of mine used to say, "Ah, what cute kids. I love cute kids. Medium rare." According to him, it would get a laugh from the audience, and a blushing parent would come retrieve the prospective meal.

We play a lot of gigs where kids come dance, look at the instruments, touch things. We're always sure to keep a close eye on them, answer lots of questions, and then send them either back to parents or off the stage for us to play.

One of the reasons we usually won't play bar gigs is the unruliness of patrons. Of course, we both have day jobs, so we can pick and choose...

V

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Mark Ross
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 11:51 AM

I like to point out a friend in the audience and introduce them as "our resident child taxidermist". I go on to explain that kids are really cute, and child taxidermy is on way to ensure that they stay that cute forever. They're also really so much easier to take care of, you only have to dust them off every once in a while(usually on their birthdays when you can take them out of the closet, dust them off, and put a candle on their heads).

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: GUEST,Hank
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 01:14 PM

Get used to it the best you can. We live in a child-centered world now---they're allowed to interrupt adult conversations, they're supposed to be seen and heard at all times, their esteem has been elevated above all else, and in keeping with this SELF magazine culture, any expression of themselves is viewed as cute and wonderful while any comments to the negative about that are seen as intolerant or uptight. Because of kids in the audience, I now catch most of my music in Las Vegas where kids aren't allowed, or listen to CDs in my house, a gloriously quiet kid-free zone.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: M.Ted
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 02:20 PM

Thanks for sparing us your company--Hank--And Enjoy Las Vegas!--Where you see humanity at very it's best--

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:31 PM

Kids make the best audiences sometimes. I like to see them in the crowd. They don't usually approach the stage though; that third eye in the middle of my forehead puts `em off.

And Mooh, I AM the drummer. Well, bodhraneer anyway. Sometimes.

Sometimes it's a young hot girl. Then I don't mind so much.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: TS
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 06:39 PM

I havent had the problems with the little people..but the drunks..hahha...worse comes to worse and I ge the staff to handle it, but most times I just make fun of them..let the crowd laugh at them and off they go feeling like an ass....seems to work most times for me..ofcourse ..one has to be quick on the ball to get them sometimes...I usually come up with something like.."sorry folks..my mom/ dad doest see me perform very much..please..folks..welcome my father to the Pub tnite..."...seems to do the job.....Slainte!

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Chris Green
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 08:55 PM

Keith Donnelly has the right idea with juvenile upstagers. He incorporates them into his act!

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Mooh
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 09:53 PM

Cluin...Precisely, lol! Drummers alway got more than I did. Either way, no sacrifice too big.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Joybell
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 10:20 PM

Don't do it much any more, but when I called dances I never really did solve the triple-couple partner problem. It happens when a couple try to include the baby-in-arms or toddler in a set dance. Have you ever tried to strip the willow with a baby-in-tandem partner?
I've tried putting them all in their own sets, with limited success. I've tried gentle tact, organized all children sets. Usually it does sort itself out by the end of the night, it's tiring lugging a child around while you dance, but it's a real problem. Joy

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 10:30 PM

This is the promotors problem. Heck, I've been both the promotor and the performer and occasioanlly both at the same time but, really, the promotor shoul;d be the one to do the heavy lifting. If the promotor won't then, hey, a little humor should take care of the problem...

...Example: (between songs) "Hey, I love youngin's as much as the next guy but any of 'um crawling 'round the stage tryin' to see which cords can electricute them will be confiscated and sold off as slaves."

Bobert

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Once Famous
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 11:16 PM

I played for a number of years in a country-rock band. We played very urban bars and bikers took a liking to our drug & whiskey influenced brand of country music with a vicious beat.

Our crowds and following used to get wasted, most of them happily and dance around as some of our songs built to a wild frenzy.

Many times it got fairly wild, but you just keep playing! Kind of like those old westerns where everyone is drunk and fighting in the saloon but the piano player doesn't miss a beat.

Here is a true story. In this biker bar where we played regularly, the bar owner's wife was a tall, sultry blond. The place was packed as we are doing some rocking outlaw type of song and this street guy apparently has his schlong out and is rubbing it against her ass in her tight jeans. Finally someone realizes what is going on and 3 bikers literally hoist this guy up in the air and throw him physically against a parked car outside the entrance. We could see the whole thing, but kept on playing.

"Are you sure Hank did it this a way?"
"Did old Hank really do it this a way/"

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 11:22 PM

What, no cage? Oh yeah, the 70's. Silly me... Yeah, I was playing for some of them same folks and the first thing you looked for when settin' up was an exit route in case a fight broke out...

Yeah, I've seen the world
with a 5 piece band
lookin' at the back side of me
doin' one of his songs
one of mine now and then
but I don't thinh Hank done 'um this way
did ol' Hank really do 'um this way

Bobert

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Bert
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 11:32 PM

Worst I've had was at a folk song society monthly sing.
A dozen or so elderly ladies who should have known better were standing around the food table gossipping. They were so loud that you couldn't hear the guy next to you playing a Jumbo Guitar.

And the food table was in another room.

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Once Famous
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 11:40 PM

Bobert

"I heard the burritos out in California
Could fly higher than the birds
Roger McGuinn had a 12-string guitar
It was like nothing I'd ever heard
And the Eagles flew in from the West Coast
Like the birds they were trying to be free
While in Texas the talk turned to outlaw
Like Willie and Waylon and me"

Subject: RE: When the Audience Misbehaves
From: Midchuck
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 09:19 AM

If we're gonna quote David Allen Coe, perhaps more appropriate to this thread is:

Country DJs all say I'm an outlaw;
They'd never come to see me in this dive,
Where bikers stare at cowboys
Who are laughing at the hippies
Who are praying they'll get out of here alive...

I think I may have been in that place, but not recently.

Peter