BS: Itchy Bums

Subject: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 12:47 AM

I got one. Is that a good sign? Wot's your opinion?

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Teresa
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 12:49 AM

Are you sure all the crabs are gone? sorry. ;);)

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 12:52 AM

CRUD! Could I still have one left after 38 years?

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Boab
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 01:12 AM

My sympathy Brucie---I've got an identical complaint! I know what caused mine, though. I had been cursing a small irritating boil situated just at the top end of the "crack"-o'-my rear.. My beloved partner got her eye on it [ no----I'm answering NO questions on that score----] and gave a fair sqwawk of dismay 'Your boil's got legs!" It was a deer ttick, it turned out, which had been burrowing its way into my arse for a week in order to lay its eggs. Ha! --Emergency, a doc with a pair of tweezers and a tetanus update. And now, a damnably itchy remnant. Aye---it drives me nuts, too!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 02:05 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 02:06 AM

It means that you'll soon receive money. (but you must not scratch!!)

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST,Mull Guy
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 02:07 AM

"Don't stick deer tticks up yer arse
Dont stick deer tticks up yer arse
Dont stick deer tticks
Cos...................?
Dont stick deer tticks up yer arse.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: mack/misophist
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 02:12 AM

And lay off the hot sause for a while. That's what does it to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST,mystica
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:12 AM

In ancient mesopotamia, an itchy bum was a sign that a person had made a bad choice in love. It meant they had walked away from their destiny and soul mate.

The solution to this problem was to rub the offending spot with lemon juic, and then ask the Moon to shine some understanding down, to help heal and reconcile. Hence the term "mooning".

Does this apply to you Brucie?

Mystica.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: hilda fish
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:53 AM

Itchy bums is the other side of cowdies. If you were an itchy bum then cowdies were bad but if you were a cowdie then itchy bums were bad. You'se an itchy bum so cowdies are bad. Just go do something with a cowdie and you'll be right.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 04:12 AM

Itchy bums is often caused by KLINGONS. The only cures known are gritblasting, fire and shaving. Not necessarily in that order. A certain Mr. W. Shatner is said to be somewhat of an expert in this field, although others blame the problem on his promotion of breakfast cereals containing roughage.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST,Kala
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 05:05 AM

My dear Brucie

there is a simple solution. Take some tiger balm in one hand, and a rubber glove in the other... [need i say more?]

this solution will turn that little itch into a flaming ring of fire. While it may burn on, life's like that. at least you will know whether you're coming or going. and the memory of that little itch will teach you that sometimes it better to be an acorn than a mighty oak.

Kala

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 05:09 AM

Boab I think you are getting mixed up with Ichibana Scratch here
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: JennyO
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 05:45 AM

*sings*


Love is a burning thing
and it makes a fiery ring
bound by wild desire
I fell in to a ring of fire...

I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down
and the flames went higher.
And it burns, burns, burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.

The taste of love is sweet
when hearts like our's meet
I fell for you like a child
oh, but the fire went wild..

I fell in to a burning ring of fire.....[etc]

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 06:02 AM

until you get one dont laugh
cos you cant afford to cut yer
finger nails

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 06:27 AM

Dettol and wire brush, only known cure.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 06:40 AM

There is a lady in Australia who makes little gifts of pickled bums which she sells at the flea markets...

I'm not making this up you know....

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: gnu
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 06:57 AM

Boab... deer tick!! Those little buggers carry Lyme's disease. If you can't get to a knowledgible doctor immediately, take pictures of the offense, especially the changes in colour and size, and KEEP the tick for ID and analysis. This could be very serious. Most serious in the US or southern Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 07:53 AM

Itchy bum - suprise to come. It's what my Mum always said anyway...

How about introducing a bit of musical culture in this place though?

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
of the big lake they called "Itchy Goolies."

I'm sure that's what Gordon Lightfoot sings anyway:-)

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: artbrooks
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 08:44 AM

Per my doc: Lamisil (brand-name anti-fungal) for its itch-prevention qualities and hydrocortisone cream, applied twice daily. The idea is to eliminate the itch so it can heal.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:00 AM

Could be fungus, Brucie. Fungus are mushrooms. You can cut your food bill AND perhaps make some money out of this. Eventually you'll never again sit down or sleep on your back, because everytime you do you'll destroy your crops. Of course, then you can ask the gummint for some money. And a simple shower in the morning (assuming that you bathe at all) could lead to gummint money because your crops were flooded out. Man, you've got a bloody mint in this!

Congratulations, mushroom farmer and/or rancher!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:10 AM

I think some one is arseing about here.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:17 AM

Hey, I'm thinking about headin' up Alberta way and helping him with the branding!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:19 AM

Economic prosperity is heading my way. Brucie: mushroom rancher. I will have to contract out for trail riders, cooks and other coyboy/girl stuff. And lots of folksingers to talk about dogies and the old wife and covered wagons and blacksmiths and horseshoe fitters. YES!

Lyme disease is no joke. See this link.

LINK

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Mr Red
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:24 AM

Ah! SO! a sore

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:28 AM

Notice too on the link that it talks about lice. This is an open statement to all you wags out there: I do NOT need fifty-seven messages telling me where I can find pictures of crabs. I already know what crabs look like. You get a case of these and you'll know what I mean:

Case o' these.

Have a boo at those little suckers to the upper right of the page. Them's crabs, son. Never again.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:41 AM

Hey Brucie, you sure those mobile crapperamas got properly cleaned up before winter storage. If one o' them got sub-let to a NASCAR track or dirt oval ya don't know what might be on them. Tomato sauce, mustard anything.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:47 AM

Question: Who, what, how, when, or why are "cowdies"? Never heard the word before.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:54 AM

I can't ride well, Brucie, but I'm pure hell with a runnin' iron! I kin cut 'em good, too!

Cowdies is what the Scots call "cow pies" or "meadow muffins". As in "Aye, go through, but dinna step in the cowdies."

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 10:03 AM

There ya go, Rapaire. I have eaten horse; I have never ridden one. The old wife can make prairie oyseters while we sit back and sip cool beer while the mushrooms sprout and grow.

Ridin' herd on the wild thangs.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 11:21 AM

Some people only come on Mudcat for the craic, certainly get their moneys worth from this thread!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 01:36 PM

TriAdCortyl better than Lamisil. Prescription only in the UK

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 02:04 PM

Wash daily and use Tinactin powder, if it's fungal. Best to keep things clean and dry. And DON'T scratch!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Sorcha
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 02:27 PM

For a serious answer, pin worms will do this.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Once Famous
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:35 PM

Take a rocket ship and explore the ring around Uranus.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:35 PM

Hey, I didn't think of worms, just mushrooms! Why, the boy's a veritable walking bait shop and mushroom ranch!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:37 PM

And crabs, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:50 PM

Our elderly dachshund, Valdy, is constantly plagued by itchy bum syndrome, Bruce. I am glad you started this thread, as it will give him some comfort to know he does not suffer alone.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 04:26 PM

Confucious say:

Man who go to bed with itchy bum wakes up with smelly finger.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: hilda fish
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 06:25 PM

Cowdies + Itchy Bums = Cowboys + Indians - don't nobody know arse around here???:~)

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 08:17 PM

ewww It thought this thread was Itchy burns.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 04:52 AM

Crabbie Rabbie

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Davetnova
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 05:14 AM

It sounds like you may need your anal sacs relieved. My friends bitch just had this done and it completely stops her from dragging her arse aroung the carpet.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Kaleea
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 05:18 AM

When I lived in Minnesota, the veterinarian told me to give my doggie a weekly bath with Pert Plus. He said it has some ingredient that kills bugs--& doggies fur coats need conditioners too. Lyme disease is quite serious up there. If I was out in the woods with my doggie, I always washed my hair with the Pert Plus. I never had ticks or any other creepy crawly thingys. HMMMM----Perhaps one might consider washing affected regions with Pert.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 10:48 AM

I've heard of pert bosoms but that's silly ¦¬]
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Boab
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 01:17 AM

Ta for the concern gnu---This is my second tick [pun?]---the last one was on my arm and and I removed it myself. Checked wi' the Doc, though, and he was reassuring re. the Lyme disease thing; said it was more of a danger in the East of Canada. Anyway, no alarming symptoms so far.....
   Bad cess tae ye Giok McKenzie! A cocky wee jingle---but nae need tae perpetuate the "ttick" typo---ya cheeky Hielan b----r!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 02:53 PM

Just in case anyone cares, me arse ain't itchy anymore, 'cept fer the crabs.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 03:09 PM

A-ha! He took a shower!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: dianavan
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 07:16 PM

brucie - Here's the story on pinworms. Wait til there's a full moon then shine a flashlight on your asshole. The little fellas will come crawlin out into the light or better yet, check your shit for little wigglies.

I'm thinking, however, that it probably time to take off those long johns. How long you been wearing them? Since about October? Yeah, definitely time to give them a good washing.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 07:17 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 07:25 PM

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 07:34 PM

A better way is to run a copper rod...ah...anyway, you then put another copper rod...ah...someplace else, and run some wire from the rods to a crank-type generator and when you crank the generator the worms will come right out.

I don't think I'd better get more specific on this.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 07:35 PM

So ya don't attach the electrodes to the unmentionables? Thanks for telling me NOW. Where the f$%#&* were you yesterday at this time?

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 08:43 PM

Too bad it's pinworms. If it was a tapeworm, you could use the old apple/cookie/hammer trick.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 11:31 PM

Howzat?

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:15 AM

Enlist doctor or very good friend's help.

Bend over and have doctor/very good friend shove an apple up your rectum, followed by a cookie 30 seconds later.

Repeat whole process one day later.

Repeat whole process one day after that.

Repeat whole process every day for one week.

At the end of a week, after the apple is rammed home, the doctor/very good friend reaches for the hammer and readies him/herself. When the tapeworm pokes his head out and demands the regular cookie it is accustomed to, the doctor/very good friend clobbers it with the hammer and pulls it the rest of the way out and disposes of it in whatever fashion seems appropriate.

Success!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:20 AM

Cluin, you are gonna be more help than Rapaire.

OK. Like, we're in Canada, right? So do I use Macs, and what kind of cookies, exactly?

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:25 AM

Nope. This is old school.

Use your old Vic 20.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:32 AM

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: LadyJean
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 01:03 AM

You would have to have known my mother to know how funny it was that she taught this to me. It is said to have been found on the wall of a public rest room.

When using our john
Don't stand on the seat.
Our crabs can jump
Up to fifteen feet.

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 10:25 PM

Good for what ails ye!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Peace
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 10:38 PM

Thanks for the link, Cluin. Neat. Usually I have to pay for that!

Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 11:16 PM

Get hold of a copy of Billy Conolley's 'Atlantic Crossing', there is an excellent sktech on it about itchy bums ' and no just the ootisde but awaaay in there, ye find yersel' hiding in dark doorways trying to scratch, walking funny away down the street trying to rub the cheeks of yer bum together.....' and lots more.