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BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th

Bugsy 10 Oct 06 - 06:45 AM
GUEST,60-year-old 10 Oct 06 - 08:10 AM
Bobert 10 Oct 06 - 08:22 AM
artbrooks 10 Oct 06 - 08:22 AM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 10:04 AM
GUEST,Larry K 10 Oct 06 - 10:15 AM
Becca72 10 Oct 06 - 10:21 AM
LilyFestre 10 Oct 06 - 11:33 AM
Paul from Hull 10 Oct 06 - 11:35 AM
LilyFestre 10 Oct 06 - 12:00 PM
Ebbie 10 Oct 06 - 12:26 PM
JennyO 10 Oct 06 - 12:39 PM
GUEST,Pseudolus at work 10 Oct 06 - 12:41 PM
McGrath of Harlow 10 Oct 06 - 12:45 PM
Mrrzy 10 Oct 06 - 12:51 PM
katlaughing 10 Oct 06 - 01:04 PM
GUEST 10 Oct 06 - 01:15 PM
Don Firth 10 Oct 06 - 01:54 PM
LilyFestre 10 Oct 06 - 01:55 PM
GUEST,Jim Dixon 10 Oct 06 - 02:41 PM
Dave (the ancient mariner) 10 Oct 06 - 03:10 PM
Bert 10 Oct 06 - 03:14 PM
fat B****rd 10 Oct 06 - 03:17 PM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 03:21 PM
Don Firth 10 Oct 06 - 03:34 PM
Mr Red 10 Oct 06 - 03:52 PM
cobra 10 Oct 06 - 04:02 PM
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The Fooles Troupe 10 Oct 06 - 08:49 PM
The Walrus 10 Oct 06 - 10:27 PM
Bugsy 11 Oct 06 - 03:17 AM
JohnInKansas 11 Oct 06 - 05:08 PM
Bugsy 11 Oct 06 - 08:14 PM
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Joe_F 12 Oct 06 - 10:03 PM
Bugsy 12 Oct 06 - 10:06 PM
GUEST,tom 22 Oct 06 - 10:27 PM
GUEST 23 Oct 06 - 10:03 AM
Claymore 23 Oct 06 - 07:48 PM
autolycus 24 Oct 06 - 05:06 PM
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Subject: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bugsy
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 06:45 AM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'


My Daughter's mother in law is turning 60 and they're having a party for her.

My daughter has to give a little speach and wants to make it a series of "you're so old....." Jokes.

Anyone got any??


Cheers


Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,60-year-old
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 08:10 AM

You're giving her a party - but you want to make sure she doesn't enjoy it?
However, if she's sixty she will have been young in the sixties. Maybe you could use that, ask her if she remembers it.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 08:22 AM

Your so old that you could be your own grandfather(mother)...


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 08:22 AM

Sorry for the long cut-and-paste...it's from an e-mail I received recently and I don't have a link to this.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses,, Frisbees and the pill

There was no: radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens.

Man had not invented: pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandfather and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day: "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,       "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store and "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old lady in mind...you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.   


This Woman would be only 58 years old! This means YOU !!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 10:04 AM

Well, I would dispute a coupleof the details. Dishwashers were around fifty eight years ago, for example.

But the sentiment is true enough.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 10:15 AM

You are so old, that when you were born, the American flag only had 3 stars on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Becca72
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 10:21 AM

In 1850, Joel Houghton patented a wooden machine with a hand-turned wheel that splashed water on dishes, it was hardly a workable machine, but it was the first patent. In 1886, Josephine Cochran proclaims in disgust "If nobody else is going to invent a dishwashing machine, I'll do it myself." And she did, Josephine Cochran invented the first practical (did the job) dishwasher. Josephine Cochran had expected the public to welcome the new invention, which she unveiled at the 1893, World's Fair, but only the hotels and large restaurants were buying her ideas. It was not until the 1950s, that dishwashers caught on with the general public. Josephine Cochran's machine was a hand-operated mechanical dishwasher. She founded a company to manufacture these dish washers, which eventually became KitchenAid


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 11:33 AM

I'm planning a party for someone turning sixty very soon....went to a party on Sunday for someone who turned sixty and spent Saturday with yet another woman who was turning sixty! I'm thinking there was a large return of WWII folks back in February of 1946! :) :) :)

Michelle who doesn't know any "You're so old jokes...."


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 11:35 AM

I wouldnt have known about dishwashers, but 58 years ago, as of now, is 1948.... so stop & think...RADAR existed...TELEVISION existed....
PENICILLIN existed.

Maybe they didn't though when that thing started doing the rounds of the 'net, some of these email things seem to be so old, & people just pass them on & pass them on.

Anyway, to bring it back to topic, what about:

Youre so old, they had to invent fire just for your 1st Birthday Cake, or something like that?


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 12:00 PM

LOL


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 12:26 PM

One reason, I suppose, that I don't care much for 'You're so old' jokes is because of my own age. But I don't remember ever liking them. Remind me too much of Don Rickles' humo(u)r.

I hope she retorts with "Somday you'll be as old as I am- if you're lucky.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 12:39 PM

You're so old, your back goes out more than you do.

You're so old you were a waiter at the last supper.

You're so old when you walk by a graveyard, guys come running after you with shovels.

You're so old that when you went to the 'Antiques Roadshow,' someone appraised you!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Pseudolus at work
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 12:41 PM

You're so old, when you were born the dead sea was still sick..


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 12:45 PM

I rather think jokes about being old are best from people who are getting on themsleves. Rather like "ethnic humour".

Got any 80 year old family members around who could make a speech with jokes about this young hippy who thinks she's grown up just because she's turned 60?


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 12:51 PM

Ah, old age... sure beats the alternative!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 01:04 PM

How about she turns it around and finds jokes about how 60 is the NEW 30 or 40 and what it is like to have a MIL who is so close in age to herself?


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 01:15 PM

I am almost 60. What's funny about that? I have heard all the bathroom jokes; all the sex jokes; all the 'failing body part' jokes, etc. I have responded to about 120 emergency scenes this year. Helped save a half dozen lives this year. Two kids I took out of a fire years back will never think of me as being 'old'. I was about 52 at the time. They just remember me as the firefighter who took them out of a dangerous place.

I dislike humor that targets age like it's something to be ashamed of. The jokes are seldom funny, and I am not ashamed to be 59. If I live that long, I won't be ashamed to be 70 either. Mileage may vary; this is just my opinion.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 01:54 PM

I'm so old that when the Big Bang occurred, I'm the one who yelled, "What the hell was that!??"

I'd suggest that you be sure the honored guest is receptive to this kind of humor before inflicting it on her.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 01:55 PM

We joke about age in my family. My Nana, who is 80+ years old informs me that age is a state of mind and by watching her, I'd say she's absolutely correct! She and my grandfather were still rollerskating (holding hands...isn't that SWEET?!) when they were in their mid 70's. Rock on, people!

I think you really have to know your audience to make wise cracks about age. Some people can laugh at themselves and some can't. Some folks don't mind the number at all while others become depressed. But ashamed? What on earth would a person feel ashamed of their age for? If anything, it's an ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!!! :)

I hope that when I turn 50, 60, 70 and beyond that I can laugh about it and think back on what a wonderful life I've had and how fortunate I am. :)

Michelle


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 02:41 PM

I'm so old, that when I bend over to tie my shoes, I think, "Now, is there anything else I need to do while I'm down here?"


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:10 PM

You need an archaeologist to do your makeup


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bert
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:14 PM

I'm not OLD at 67, so what the hell's funny about someone being 60?

*GRIN*


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: fat B****rd
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:17 PM

I'll be 60 next year and have recently been "early retired" I immediately contacted Roger The Skiffler for guidance and bought some wooly tartan slippers and a baggy cardigan.
I must get out more 'cos I never see anybody to make "oldie" jokes at me.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:21 PM

...you had a teen crush on the first Neanderthal...


...God invited you to a sock-hop.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:34 PM

I'm 75 and still going strong, and I can attest to the fact that inside every septuagenarian (no, that's not a religion), there is a teen-ager saying "What the hell happened!??"

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Mr Red
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:52 PM

what about the one about remembering when there were no digital watches?


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: cobra
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 04:02 PM

Heard about the discussion between a post-Modernist and a Mafioso? The PM made him an offer he couldn't understand.

Well, he WAS over 60.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Obie
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 04:20 PM

Fron the revue, Rise and Follies of Cape Breton Island:
John Alex and Annie are reminising about their honeymoon years ago....
Annie: "You couldn't wait to get my stockings off!"
John Alex: " Well tonight dear........you'll have time to knit a pair!"


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 04:31 PM

On their wedding night, after their marriage was consummated, she went into the bathroom and cried. Trying to re-enact their honeymoon on their fiftieth anniversary, he was the one who went into the bathroom and cried.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 05:17 PM

How about a nice "old" song?

Introduce it by saying that in honor of the occasion you've got a special song, just in her honor.

(To the tune of "Silver threads among the gold".)

Supposing her name is Helen, it would go:

Helen, you are growing oh-old
Rocks don't get as old as you.
You're not quite as old as God is
But you're older than primordial stew.

Yes, my Helen, you will bee-ee-ee
Older than the rocks and trees.
Yes, my Helen, you will bee-ee
Older than the rocks and trees!"


I've used it a number of times over the years, and it's always been well received.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 08:49 PM

"I think you really have to know your audience to make wise cracks about age. Some people can laugh at themselves and some can't. "

Many of these 'jokes' are unfortunately 'mature' - and not really the sort of thing that I would want a young daughter of mine to say to her grandmother in public (but that's just MY personal opinion) - I DO like Uncle_DaveO's suggestion, however.

And just to be fair, there are a couple that would be OK - if you can't guess them, then you're just not on my wavelengh.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: The Walrus
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 10:27 PM

A couple of lines.
How about

"Congratulations, you're 60 ... What do you want to do when you grow up?"

or

"Life begins at Forty - Happy Twentieth Birthday!"

W


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bugsy
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 03:17 AM

Thanks for all the suggestions "Muddies". Keep 'em coming!

Let me assure those who are concerned about the MIL's feelings, that she will love having these "Age salvos" shot across her bows, and to
those who, find these jokes tasteless, I can only say, humour comes in all shapes and sizes,and whatever size or shape yours is - it's a damned sight better than having non at all!

CHeers all


Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 05:08 PM

Passed around quite a bit on the ineternet/email loops - your grannies reply:

A college student at a recent USC football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his.

"You grew up in a different world," the student said loudly enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing .... and uh.."

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What the hell are you doing for the next generation??"

John (a little past 60)


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bugsy
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 08:14 PM

Very True.


Cheers


Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Don Firth
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 08:22 PM

Great, John! I love it!!

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 10:44 AM

"I hate a song that makes you think ... you are either too old or too young or too fat or too thin or too this or too that. Songs that run you down or songs that poke fun at you on account of your bad luck or your hard travelling.

"I am out to fight those kind of songs to my very last breath of air and my last drop of blood.


Woody Guthrie.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 10:03 PM

I'll be 69 in a couple of weeks. I can remember when it was funny that there would someday be a *class* of '69.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bugsy
Date: 12 Oct 06 - 10:06 PM

Well....If "Woody" said it, it must be "Law"


CHeers


Bugsy

saidhewithabroadgrin


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,tom
Date: 22 Oct 06 - 10:27 PM

Your so old you sat next to Jesus in 3rd grade.

Your so old when you were younger the beach was just rocks.

Your so old when you went to file for retirement the man at the desk asked for your social security # and you replied 1.

Your so old you used to date Ben Franklin and the key to his kite was actually for your apartment.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Oct 06 - 10:03 AM

if it was the UK it would be:

"You're so old that the agism laws down work retro-actively........"


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Claymore
Date: 23 Oct 06 - 07:48 PM

I remember asking my Grandmother about what had changed in her life the most, and she replied that when she was 13 a man first flew at Kitty Hawk, and when she was 75, a man landed on the Moon. That was a 62 year span, and it took us thousands of years to develop the wheel.

Oh, and by the way, I'll be 60 myself in 1 week...


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: autolycus
Date: 24 Oct 06 - 05:06 PM

My Mum,who's 90,liked this one.

Did you hear about the man of 86 who married a woman of 79. They spent their honeymoon getting out of the car.




    Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Don Firth
Date: 24 Oct 06 - 05:17 PM

"Ye gods! Will you please do somethng about that squeaky chair!??"

"It's not the chair! It's my back!"


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: dagenham doc
Date: 24 Oct 06 - 05:26 PM

Sixty! A time when you wake up in the morning and start thinking, in a moment of insane and irrational optimism, that in a week or two you'll be feeling as good as ever!!.

T......


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 02:28 PM

A little old lady is in court for stealing a tin of peaches - She abdent-mindedly popped them into her bag and not the shopper

The judge decides to be lenient due to her confusion and asks her how many peaches were there in the tin

"Three" she replies

So the judge snetences her to 3 days in the slammer

Just then her husband pipes up and says, "She stole a tin of peas too!!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,edward inglefield
Date: 30 Oct 06 - 03:16 PM

you are so old you shit cobweb


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 11:02 AM

I used to know a lot of aging jokes when I was 60, but it was so long ago that I've forgotten most of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: The Walrus
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 11:35 AM

Dick,

You know what they say. As you get older, the second thing to go is the memory. Now if I could only remember what the first one was.....

W


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Joe_F
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 08:43 PM

Ways to know you have reached a certain age:

Before you do anything, you have to do something else, usually piss.

Something that lasts a long time (say, a blanket) wears out, and you
buy a new one, perhaps for the last time.

The hair on top of your head, if any, is too sparse to hold back the
hair in front, if any.

The president of the United States is younger than you are.

You get an extra meal when you floss your teeth.

You see an obituary and say "Was that old bastard still alive?"


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Mo the caller
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 06:09 AM

You're so old you ought to be posting these jokes on the
silvertops forum.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: the animal
Date: 03 Nov 06 - 06:23 AM

The reporter was so old he'd been on every siege since Troy and stood on so many doorsteps they called him gold top.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Midchuck
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:00 PM

Many years ago, I was reading in one of H. Allen Smith's joke books, about two guys who met after many years, and one asked the other, "And how do you spend your time these days?"

The answer came: "Peeing, and trying to remember the names of my friends."

I distinctly remember thinking that that was funny. Then.

Peter.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: bubblyrat
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:56 PM

After reading all of the above,I am getting worried about this coming October !!I must go & check my birth certificate in case there was a mistake !


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:33 PM

True story
Move over Janet Jackson's left nipple, at halftime this year Prince projected his image of himself holding his guitar like a 4 ft. penis with a curly cue symbolizing testicles.

but that wasn't all...

Prince is so old that he had to put a hydrolic system on his guitar to make it squirt liquid out the end of the neck.

ergo the need for the super bowl committee to have him perform behind a sheet in shadow.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: autolycus
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:35 PM

Hope this hasn't already been done.


   You know getting older when you bend down to do up your shoelaces and see if there's anything else you can do while you're down there.






       Ivor


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: dulcimer42
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:58 PM

Recently, I was reading a book about a child in a foster home. She deeply missed a friend of her birth mother, a 61 year old lady who had always baked her a birthday cake, and had done many other kind things for her.    Later in the book, her foster family had taken her someplace where she spotted the "dear OLD lady" whom she had loved so much.   I almost quit reading the book!!! OLD LADY??? at 61??


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 31 Aug 07 - 06:24 PM

It's not true that I sold hot dogs at Custer's Last Stand.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bugsy
Date: 01 Sep 07 - 01:49 AM

No it's not Dick. Bud you DID sell that rotton apple to EVE!

Cheers


Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Genie
Date: 01 Sep 07 - 01:56 AM

Well, some of us are so old we remember when folk music was the newest popular phenomenon!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,bob
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 08:59 PM

Your so old that when you were a kid rainbows were in black and white


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 10:21 PM

Ah, the days of steam guitars. And silent radio.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 04:02 PM

Hey, watch it, buckos! 60 is the new 30; 70 is the new 31. I'm guessing I'll be dead by the new 40.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 05:05 PM

You're so Old that when God said "let there be light." TYou asked "Number one or number two genarator, Sonny?" I'm 52 so my nephews and nieces get me all the time with these jokes. Neil


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Slag
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 07:27 PM

My Dad used to sing a little ditty that went (in part, as this is all I remember):
   
    Oh, I was born ten thousand years ago,
    And I'll whip the man who says it isn't so
    I saw Jonah swallow the whale
    Daniel pull the lion's tail
    And I'll whip the man who says it isn't so.

I believe this was one of those where you sit around and make up verses until the fire burns down (or the beer run out [or both])!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 04:20 AM

My favourite about getting old was recorded from a Welsh miner in the late 1950s.
Three retired miners sitting on a park bench discussing how they would like to 'shuffle off this mortal coil'.
The youngest (65) says, I would like to go up in one of these Sputniks I've been reading about, up in the sky; higher, higher, higher - then burn out - whoosh - that's how I'd like to go.
The second in his early seventies said, "well, I'd like to get into one of these sports cars - 50mph, 60, 70, 80, 100mph, then bang! into a tree - that's how I'd like to go.
The oldest one in his late eighties was silent, so the others asked, "How about you David, how would you like to go?
"Well boys, you disappoint me; you have no ambition".
"Well, how would you like to go?"
"I'd like to be shot by a jealous husband".

Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 05:33 AM

my Grandmother was reputed to have said of her longevity (60 ish at the time) commenting on her own mothers life

"I am older than my mother would be if she was still alive" to hoots of laughter of my parental generation - sadly I was but a twinkle at the time so only have the reports.

And from a Peanuts cartoon "xyz is so old she can remember when digital watches didn't exist....." harsh but plausible.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Louie Roy
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 11:03 AM

In a couple of weeks I'll be 83 and still going strong and when I think of 60 years old that's how old my youngest kid is.At 60 you are just preparing for the next 40


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Cats
Date: 23 Dec 07 - 09:20 AM

It's Heslop's 60th in June. He says he doesn't want a party... just 'some friends round to spend the weekend here and have something good to eat and drink...' The campsite about a mile away is taking bookings already.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Coachbern
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 03:02 PM

She's so old, Shakespeare did HER in the park!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 03:11 PM

You know you are old when:

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 03:23 PM

Sorry, I posted without typing my name....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1mlkLeITt8


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Bugsy
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 03:56 AM

I suppose all these comments apply to ME now!

I 60 tomorrow!


Cheers

Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Naemanson
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 05:41 AM

I've got four more years until I turn 60. These jokes are just the jealous young kids wishing they had it as good as we do.

As far as that long paste from artbrooks goes, it turns up every now and then. If I was teaching history I'd make it a project for the kids to figure out how much of it is actually true.

Down through the years this letter has surfaced now and again usually making a point about our society going down hill. Before I was young enough to think it was accurate. Now I am old enough to see the inaccuracies. I hope to be able to teach American history some day and then I plan to make my kids research an accurate version of this. Should be fun.

What follows are my own comments. Mostly I am trying to be light-hearted, not cynical or dismissive. Some of the sentiments are spot on. For example, I have always called an older person "sir" or "ma'am". I have always taken responsibility for my actions.

But, as someone else pointed out already, there are plenty of the items in that list that are anachronistic. Television, penicillin, polio shots, and frozen foods were all available when I was a kid. My generation were the first to have the electronic babysitter (TV). I still remember getting the polio shot in grade school and I have a vaccination scar on my arm from one of the other abuses we had to put up with. You should see my wife's arm. She has two that look like a bullet passed through the limb!

As for gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy, I have to agree. I don't remember when they showed up but some of them are way overdue (gay rights) and some are necessary because the economy sucks (dual careers).

"Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, (not mine) good judgment, and common sense." "We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions." The last one were instilled by my parents. They didn't need religion to scare me into behaving.

"Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege." Obviously the writer doesn't remember the sixties. S/He must have been there! But here is my point. Remember I am 56 years old. I was too young to participate in what was happening!

"We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent." I gotta give him this one. My first encounter with Burger King was after boot camp. Of course, back then the Whopper really was big. Kareem Abdul Jabbar (famous basketball player) needed two hands to hold it.

"Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins." I don't remember incest... *Grin*

"Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started." See my comment above about the sixties. This line indicates just how old this "letter" is. Draft dodging hasn't been a hanging offense since the 70s.

"We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings." Hmm, when I was a kid I used to hear about guys who listened to fine music on the FM band because the clarity of the music beat AM all hollow... and rock'n'roll didn't need to be clear. My first tape deck (reel to reel) came to me from a guy who bought it from a PX in Viet Nam in the mid 60s. My high school had electric typewriters and pirates ALWAYS wore earrings. Didn't know about yogurt though. Yummy!

"We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey." These lines put the writer back into the 40s and early 50s. As a child of the TV age presidents were ALWAYS on TV and ALWAYS interrupting the good TV shows.

"If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk." I get endless fun telling my Japanese wife about this... as we watch our Japanese TV, drive our Japanese car, etc.

"The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam." Actually it referred to what I wanted to do with several of the young ladies I went to high school with. Since then I have gotten old and fat. I'm guessing they did too. Anyone remember the term "submarine races"? I never used that term. I got it from my parents who must have been "making out" before I was born. I wonder, could that have led to my existence? Nah, my PARENTS wouldn't do anything like that!

"Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents." Gotta give the original writer these though I think I remember early instant coffee.

"Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards." I don't remember the cost of these things. The writer could be right. Plus, no matter how often my mother badgered me about writing thank you cards I never seemed to use the mail. Email is a real boon.

"You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon." My first car, in 1972, was a 1967 Mustang convertible that I bought for $950. If the price had dropped that much in 5 years I doubt very much it sold for anything close to $600. I was 20 years old in 1972. I loved that car. I don't ever remember gasoline for $.11 a gallon. It seems to me it was around $.54 a gallon but I might have that mixed up with the price of cigarettes. When I was in grade school my mother used to ask me to walk up to the IGA to buy her another pack. Wasn't illegal then, just frowned upon.

"In my day: "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,       "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store and "software" wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby." Gotta give most of this one to him. I didn't run into "grass" until I joined the Navy. "Coke" as a drug came along much later in my life, not that I used it. I was clean by then. "Aids" were also helpers in hospitals. "He's also right about hardware and software though it still holds for some people I know who refuse to have anything to do with computers. As for the baby thing all I knew for the longest time was that babies tended to have parents but how they got there was a mystery. Finding the truth of that one was a pleasure I still enjoy.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: robomatic
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 07:57 AM

The line between funny and mean spirited is fine indeed


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 12:18 PM

When I was chronologically "60", I was totally unaware that I was meant to be "old". Jokes about age are ageism and as inappropriate in general as racist or ethnic jokes. When friends turn 50 or 60, I send them, or sing to them, to the tune of She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain:
O, it's nifty to be ?? years of age
All the youngsters think that you've become a sage
And the oldsters born before you
Think you're young and just adore you
O, it's nifty....

Most people seem to be upset at these times and need to be cheered on rather than picked apart. Younger people tend to do the picking to make themselves feel better, without realizing they may someday get there themselves -- if they are lucky.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Cool Beans
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 02:45 PM

I'm so old that when I went to the store the baseball cards were out front and the condoms were behind the counter.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 06:27 PM

It is easy to "personalize" a song to the individual.

I have always been partial to the song
Born 10,000 Years Ago

I like the above thread version better than the three in the DT. Probably because I played the Sanburg one first...and never the other three.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 08:53 AM

I'm so old my teeth have wrinkles


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 09:02 AM

I'm so old I remember using Preparation A


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Sawzaw
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 09:15 AM

Frequently recited at retirements and senior birthday parties:

Dr Seus on getting old:

I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh my god, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad - can you tell?
My body's drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years
Have come at last
The Golden Years
Can Kiss my Ass


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: John P
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 02:18 PM

I was in a conversation with some young folks at work about how cool Led Zeppelin was. I said something about how we were all excited when the first album came out. After a short silence, one of my co-workers said, "You remember when the first Led Zeppelin album came out??"


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 06:09 PM

I believe you are in Oz, so......
You are so old you came here on a ten quid assisted passage.
You stole the ten quid and got transported for free!!!

So old.....Captain Cook was still a mess boy.
So old.....was chief wrangler on the Ark.
So old.....can remember when Seven Up was called Two Up


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Ed T
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 07:29 PM

Your so old that the first three ships you took a cruise on were the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry B
Date: 21 Sep 09 - 12:29 AM

You're so old you can remember when blog was a sound you made after too much partying.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Sep 09 - 10:17 AM

You're not so old. The comedian Bill Murry just turned 59 today, 21 September 10:15 AM EDT !
and he doesn't look a day over 60.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 26 Sep 09 - 10:12 PM

You're so old you can remember when Disney was family-oriented.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 27 Sep 09 - 01:22 PM

You're so old you can remember when Baskin-Robbins only had 2 flavors.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: theman
Date: 27 Sep 09 - 03:37 PM

You are so old, your driver's license number is 4!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: Genie
Date: 28 Sep 09 - 08:02 AM

Well, maybe the best news about turning 60 is that you are now a SEXagenarian!


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 03 Oct 09 - 12:21 AM

You're so old there are Aztec ruins younger than you.


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Subject: RE: BS: 'you're so old...' jokes needed for 60th
From: GUEST,Jerry B
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 05:47 AM

You're so old you no longer buy green bananas.


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