BS: reasons for not marrying

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,That will be eight or nine years from now.
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 08:47 PM

Have the lobotomy soon. It will be a step up.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 08:24 PM

People who are dead set against marriage must be either totally unattractive or dead stupid. Marriage is one of the most marvelous moments in life, if not the most. My Aunt Penelope held off the decision until she was properly ready, but then she married Uncle Winston and it was all so wonderful. I can't imagine anyone stupid enough to dismiss marriage on principle. Such people are no contribution the gene pool in any case, so it's better that they remain alone, I say!

I intend to marry someone absolutely marvelous when I turn 24 or 25. Perhaps even sooner. But not too soon. Well, at 25 then. Or 24. We'll see.

TTFN

* Veronica *

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: frogprince
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 07:44 PM

I'm gonna sneak in a back corner to look at an anatomy book...

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 07:27 PM

Evil librarian, be warned. There are several very nasty-minded, immature, hulking teenage louts on their way to ruin your peaceful library with their rude pranks, their "fart" jokes, and their generally awful behaviour. Lock and load, baby! And take no prisoners!

They're all bastards...

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 05:57 PM

It would have been interesting to put his theory to the test... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: LadyJean
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 12:54 AM

I have no idea why some women marry the men they do. I've just heard from my best friend from high school, who married a fussy little man I wouldn't want for a lunch buddy. After 20 years and 3 kids he eloped with a priest. (Male and C of E.)
As to why get married, I believe the institution was invented because it takes at least two people to manage a toddler.
I've bought a house, and it would be very conveniet to have a man in it, to shovel snow, if it snows again, deal with car stuff. (No woman likes to go to a garage, and men do.) change the lightbulb on the front porch, and other guy stuff.
Of course my one time male housemate seemed convinced that his parts would fall off if he did anything I asked him to do.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,Evil Librarian
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 11:11 PM

Simple. Because all men are bastards.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: akenaton
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 07:38 PM

Punkfolkrocker.
Your post brings back many happy memories, of battles long ago..Ake

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 09:43 PM

French chansonnier Georges Brasssens, when asked why he had never married, just responded "Mais pourquoi?"

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 09:10 PM

..errrr.. ummm.. i'm happily married..

..sorry what.. what..!!??

i'm on the internet.. what ..??
i cant hear you..

i'm trying to talk on the internet..
what..

yes i am interested.. of course i am..

no i cant hear you.. i'm on the internet..
yes of course i care.. no thats not the matter..

oh for ****s sake what..??
no your mothers got nothing to do with it..
of coure i'm not trying to avoid you..
i'm on the ****ing internet.

no.. i'm not getting nasty with you..
i'm just trying to finish typing something on the ****ing internet..

oh well just go to bed then..
and you can stick Celebrity Big Brother up your ****..!

see if i care..

..and same to you..
i'll sleep on the sofa again tonight then shall i.??!!

bollocks..!!!!

yeah.. as i was saying..

i'm happily married...

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker..
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 08:58 PM

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: akenaton
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 08:17 PM

because Im quite happy being me!

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 08:07 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 07:41 PM

Yes, that's it exactly! (The first half - up through the word "blood.") Plus thin straight hair tied up and back. Those glasses are good but glasses can be of different styles. Oh -- to die for!

Picture it, LH, when she pours a glass of wine and takes out her cello.

(Maybe it's just me. . . . )

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 07:14 PM

Sounds kinky, LH.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 06:50 PM

Ah...librarians. Nature's fairest work! What was I thinking of when I suggested...?

Well, this was in my mind's eye:

A skinny, dessicated, woman with lips drawn so thin and mean that they cut cut paper like new scissors. She wears a black or dark purple gown of some kind, pulled in tight at the waist, and shoes that come to little points (all the better to kick you with). She wears those kind of glasses that go way out to points on the sides and are decorated fancy-like. The kind that female animals wear in the Far Side comic. She has a glance that can freeze your blood. She is a lifetime spinster with a heart that is shrunken up like a dried apple at the bottom of a mine shaft. She makes icebergs seem warm in comparison. She wields absolute and total authority over all she surveys...and she rules the realm of Absolute Silence! Anything that dares to be noisy in her presence DIES!!!!

Sadly, however, the classic librarian of yore is now a vanishing species, like Laverne the Bell Canada agent. They are becoming just like everyone else now.

Sniff! Sob!

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,Charmion at work
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 04:27 PM

One sign of a marriage likely to last: both parties think they married "up".

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: freda underhill
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 03:40 PM

the Nepalese say that if you marry someone, you should enjoy talking to them. because in the end, that's all you'll have left.

love can only happen where two people can do it without any hangups - the main crippling hang up being - if that person loves me, there must be something wrong with them (b/c i'm not worth it) therfore i cant love them any more. people with this view seek out people that DONT love them, they end up being rejected on a regular basis.

patience and respect help love continue, and a good sense of humour on both sides.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 03:28 PM

But she's got to LOOK like a librarian

lol

What does a librarian look like?

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 02:16 PM

I love threads like this because we see so much of the character of the people posting...All real people eh? Great stuff.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 02:01 PM

Exactly.

I think people in conventional society get married mostly for these reasons:

1. It's a social custom they are used to.
2. It's a social expectation they are under.
3. Other people (like their parents) brainwash them into thinking it's the only normal (and happy) way to be. Not so.
4. Other people pressure them into it.
5. Churches pressure them into it.
6. They figure it'll make them happy.
7. They (often) see financial gains and material and emtional security in the institution. This can turn out to be a bit misleading, to say the least...

They are obeying outward forms, but not grasping inner realities, because this is what marriage TRULY IS:

Marriage is a soul bond between 2 people who want to be together on an exclusive basis of intimicacy, and to share the joys, difficulties and challenges of Life together in a sacred way. That requires no ceremony, no religion, no government, no piece of paper, no priest, no judge, and no one else's approval whatsoever. It just requires an inner committment of the mind, heart, and souls of those two people that is continuing and sincere.

The inner bond of souls is true marriage. The outer trappings are appearance only, and often cover up something that is NOT true marriage.

People are mostly too inattentive and lazy to bother looking very far beyond mere outer appearances (as long as they're still in their comfort zone). The majority of legal marriages are, in fact, NOT true marriages in the inner sense. They are quasi-marriages, half-marriages, and in many cases, total non-marriages.

I have explained what the REAL reasons are for marrying, and I applaud anyone who actualizes them, with or without the legalities and ceremonies sanctioned by church and society. Let those who actually have eyes to see see what is true by looking beyond surface appearances to the heart and soul within.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 12:27 PM

you don't want to, don't need too. If it ain't broke don't fix it

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 01:09 AM

Listen to beautiful songs; read wonderful poems; see the gleam in lovers' eyes. Nothing BUT true love could spark these things. Of course true love exists--and it needs no proof outside the relationship.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 01:05 AM

Right on, Amos! And you too, heric.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 01:02 AM

>>If "The basic foundation of marriage (historically) is a financial alliance and this hasn't changed much" then it's no wonder why there are so many divorces.<<

I have a feeling that it may be true, and that my smarter-than-me ex-wife did know that, when I didn't. Maybe this is common knowledge but I recently read that divorce rates climb significantly in times and regions of economic prosperity.

But there's this (from David Buss, Psychologist, University of Texas; author, "The Evolution of Desire"):

[I believe in] true love.

I've spent two decades of my professional life studying human mating. In that time, I've documented phenomena ranging from what men and women desire in a mate to the most diabolical forms of sexual treachery. I've discovered the astonishingly creative ways in which men and women deceive and manipulate each other. I've studied mate poachers, obsessed stalkers, sexual predators and spouse murderers. But throughout this exploration of the dark dimensions of human mating, I've remained unwavering in my belief in true love.

While love is common, true love is rare, and I believe that few people are fortunate enough to experience it. The roads of regular love are well traveled and their markers are well understood by many - the mesmerizing attraction, the ideational obsession, the sexual afterglow, profound self-sacrifice and the desire to combine DNA. But true love takes its own course through uncharted territory. It knows no fences, has no barriers or boundaries. It's difficult to define, eludes modern measurement and seems scientifically woolly. But I know true love exists. I just can't prove it.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 12:58 AM

The notion that the foundation of marriage is financial is misplaced, and depends on a misconception about the nature of the game,.

A similar misconception is taught to MBAs in modern times, asserting that the sole and only measur eof business success is the number of dollars of profit made.

Both of these beliefs undermine the substance and quality of life itself, and produce ruinous machinations manned by barren, sordid, scalded souls.

A

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 12:35 AM

You hold onto that thought: the good guy's 'one-in-a-million'. That makes about 3000 men on Earth who will be the man of your dreams. Long odds. Good luck.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 12:34 AM

Discussions are a better idea than debates, I think, because in a discussion both parties can win. Dancing is definitely something that I could put some time into learning more about. You will be happy to know, Lady Jean, that I have no interest whatsoever in professional sports. I don't give a damn who wins the Superbowel (sorry! "bowl") because it's meaningless. Talk about a stupid game...

As for the $50 autographed pictures...what was that about? Do you mean pictures of hockey players or movie stars or what?

I'll tell you what does interest me: Music, literature, history, culture, animals and nature, philosophy, spiritual advancement, geography, politics, guitars, people, some movies, and model kits of ships, planes, etc. I have a couple of wooden tall ship models that you ought to see. Very beautiful.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: LadyJean
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 12:17 AM

OK, the nicest guy I know is happily married to a very bright lady, and he is very proud of her achievements. He also likes to dance. He is one in a million. I have a hard time believing he's straight.

Women are carefully trained, at least many of us are, to stroke the male ego, to make him feel like he's smarter and more capable than he is.

I don't do make a habit of that. My mom used to sing a song called, "How To Lose Your Man". In it the woman tells about letting a man know she knows as much or more than he does, and losing him.

The man I'm sort of involved with now, likes to debate. Of course if I'm winning he'll change the subject.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,Auggie (cookieless)
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 11:58 PM

If "The basic foundation of marriage (historically) is a financial alliance and this hasn't changed much" then it's no wonder why there are so many divorces.

If I want a financial alliance, I call my banker. If I want a relationship where the happiness and well being of the other person is the foremost goal, if I find trying to do this makes my own life all the sweeter, and if I find that person feels the same, then I've got at least the first row of bricks in the foundation for marriage.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: dianavan
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 11:27 PM

The idea of marrying up or down financially (or intellectually, as mentioned in the original post) is not a concept that I personally agree with. It has been in practice for a very long time and is a big part of the male/female dynamic when marriage is concerned. The basic foundation of marriage (historically) is a financial alliance and this hasn't changed much.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 08:40 PM

(And the Bobert patiently awaits Little Hawk's "Dance of the Deing Duck" under the relentless cross examination of the mighty SRS...)

Yo, L.H. You can do what I always do and just throw up yer arms and say "Hey, you talkin' to me?" Works every time....

B~

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Leadfingers
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 08:10 PM

When I was a crass young man I used the throw away line "If ever I meet a woman who is daft enough to want to marry me do you think I would be daft enough to want to marry her"
What a Pillock I was !!

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Don Firth
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 05:40 PM

I am indeed, Mike. Thank you.

It helps a lot if you marry a friend, someone you've known for a while. Barbara and I met in 1971 and got married in 1977.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 05:16 PM

Don Firth...you are one well blessed guy.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 04:52 PM

My dream woman is a librarian, with a Master's in Fine Arts who moonlights as a symphony cellist. But she's got to LOOK like a librarian. That's first.


I once married a lawyer.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 04:51 PM

People are gregarious by nature. We actively seek out the company of others. Sometimes in real life--whether in person or on the 'nat--things don't work out. Often they do. Marriage--I was married for 27 years--and finally it ended. Stuff happens. I don't blame my ex--but I will be damned if I will go around blaming myself either. The dynamics of two people 'breaking up' is not as simple as "S/he is bad and the one at fault." Life doesn't happen in isolation; nor does it happen in a vacuum.

I see many things in my ex to admire. I would never, under any circumstance, try to assign the blame to her. She is a wonderful woman, and that's all anyone's gotta know. That said, people who think of the other sex/gender as lesser beings are in for a rough time. If you're too good for the other to beginn with, you'll just keep getting better and the other person won't. Wow. Lucky you. Perfect--and all alone.

Metchosin is right (as is Freda). Lighten up and recognize that everyone ain't perfect. Life gets easier to cope with that way. IMO of course.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 04:47 PM

Come out from behind that stack of books, Little Hawk, and defend yourself, if you can!

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Don Firth
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 04:42 PM

Little Hawk!! Tsk tsk!

I'm married to my local librarian. She's highly intelligent, talented, and very attractive.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 04:14 PM

Hey heric, I'm not sure what I gave away, other than I like hockey played well and I am Canadian!*BG* I'm also female and I think the world would be a pretty god awful dreary place if we weren't driven to seek bonds with one another, legal or otherwise.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 04:01 PM

mmmm as a person who has had a few marriages..and been taken advantage of as the knight in shining armour....don't get married unless you are sure that she is the one for you...without other needs such as....lack of funding.....diabetes out of control.....left by another partner and not recovered.....just had a hysterectomy.....
has four children by two different fathers and is purely looking for a man to father them.....
I have unfortunately fallen into a few traps and would now only ever consider someone who wants me purely because I am me!
I feel I have been weak because I have been easily sucked into situations where I am of "Use" to a woman.....never again!
If I ever marry again it will be because SHE loves me with no conditions or problems.......Am I being too harsh here or using common sense at last?
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: mg
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 03:37 PM

I don't think you need a reason for not marrying, unless you have bred children, then you better have a good reason for not marrying him or her in my opinion.

Anyway, if you are the marrying sort, I think the reasons not to marry are
1) you haven't met the right one
2) you met the right one but he/she is not available..i.e., married, lives too far away, too many other obligations etc.
3) right one, available, but has fatal flaws..gambler, drug user, alcoholic, abusive at times.

A subgroup of 1 is that you met a great person, but he/she does not have the elusive "it". Could have great character, personality, values, stability etc., but there is no point if "it" is not there.

I say otherwise quit dithering and get married already..

mg

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: freda underhill
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 03:20 PM

yes, how many women are there out there that look like Rapaire? (in or OUT of the skeleton suit?)


brucie - beware i have a split personality - the nice part is a cover - remember nurse ratched is there for the bad hair days.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 03:12 PM

This didn't necessarily mean they looked like your local librarian either.

For shame, Little Hawk, you librarianist, you! Librarians don't even look "like your local librarian" any more. That's as bogus an observation as saying women over 40 are more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to marry. (The line they use frequently in Sleepless in Seattle--if Nora Ephron ridiculed it, it must not be true!)

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,Com Seangan
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 02:54 PM

Jakus, lads and lassies. Take it easy. We are complementary. And there is such a thing as enduring love - which blinds us to the weaker spots in the persona of teh partnet.
Vive la difference.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 02:42 PM

Hockey, metchosin? Did you just give yourself away big time? (or are you into junior or high school hockey or some such thing, in which case I apologize in advance.)

And Bobert nailed it. The thing that amazes me most about the men and women thing is that men are so hideously ugly. How could a benevolent God have created such a thing??

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: mg
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 02:24 PM

well it keeps cutting me off so I will pontificate later.

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: mg
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 02:24 PM

Oops..got cut off there..

Anyway, several reasons.
1) Marriage is not suitable for you.
2)

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: M.Ted
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 10:54 AM

Don't forget guitars, Amos----

Subject: RE: BS: reasons for not marrying
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 10:32 AM

Not only smarter, but an infinitely nicer and kinder person, too.