BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: LadyJean
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 12:52 AM

I have a friend who is a good Southern Baptist. He would love that song about dachshunds with erections. He wouldn't let his daughter see it, though she sees Disney films, and reads Harry Potter books. But he'd love it.



Did you hear about the Weiner Dog that mated with a St. Bernard?




Some of his friends put him up to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Peace
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 07:40 PM

Weiner dogs don't get no respect.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 07:31 PM

but do Canadian weiner dogs honor Baptists? This 'might' be a more practical question.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: 42
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 06:32 PM

Canadian Baptists honour weiner dogs. I've seen it!

j

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 04:38 PM

Well, that's a step in the right direction... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: black walnut
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 01:15 PM

Weird, LH, weird.

I was raised Baptist, and my Baptist parents bought us the most adorable weiner dog, Herman.

I wrote a song about his victory at a dog-food eating contest: The Ballad of Herman the Dog.

Chorus: Sing the story proud and true / Here, boy, here! / I'm a dog from the County of Waterloo / And I come with a waggling tail-o

~b.w.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 10:48 AM

Which is why Baptists should give them the respect they are due!

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 11:48 PM

Not at all, McGrath! The dachshund as originally bred (as a hunting dog) was specifically bred to go down a badger's hole, sieze the badger in its very strong jaws, and haul it out by sheer strength and determination...and they did! They were tremendously courageous and determined hunting dogs.

Some are still like that. We had one that was. He was just unstoppable, and never stopped thinking about hunting whatever he could stalk or catch. And my mother's family had one like that about 60 years ago. He was utterly fearless, by all accounts.

They're all natural rodent killers...seem to specialize in that, but ours also managed to kill cats, rabbits, and a muskrat. He had a go at a porcupine too, but fortunately quit before absorbing more than just a few quills. He was really angry, but had enough sense to back off after the first encounter (with a tail swipe, I think). He did not attack skunks, although he certainly had opportunities to. He wasn't the least bit stupid, but he sure could be reckless when his blood was up. Cats that didn't run were dead in a second or two. (except for our own cat...they had a truce worked out)

Most present-day dachshunds, however, have been selectively bred to be pets, as Bee-Dub points out. The one thing that doesn't seem to have changed is their stubbornness. They are exceedingly stubborn little guys when their mind is made up. I never met one that could think about more than one thing at any given time...and they FOCUS right in on the objective.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 08:28 PM

What chance would a poor bloody sausage dog stand, up against a Badger?

That's assuming that dachsunds as originally bred had the same personalities as they do now. They've been selectively bred for the characteristics that make them good pets instead of good hunters for many generations now. Imagine a dachsund with the personality of a Doberman Pinscher and you're probably coming closer to what the breed was like hundreds of years ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 07:15 PM

Dachshund means "badger dog" I understand. I don't get that - what chance would a poor bloody sausage dog stand, up against a Badger? Those lads could probably bite its head clean off.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 06:58 PM

Sorry i meant wear ;-(

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 06:57 PM

Why do priests where dog collars, some sort of Fruedian slip?

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 03:17 PM

Well done, Bruce.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Peace
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 03:04 PM

"Unitarians don't have dogs because there are no recognized breeds beginning with "U" unless you consider "ugly damned dog" to be a breed." Took me hours and hours.

WHAT ABOUT UNDERDOGS?

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: steve in ottawa
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 02:05 PM

Aside: MyIE2 is a shell for MSIE. Works great. Better 'n Mozilla or Netscape.

Dipped Baptists don't honour WD's in public. Only in SECRET.

Question: Dear Steve, My dog, (name withheld to protect his innocence), is so upset about it that he's been staring off into space for 3 hours now...
Dear LH: Fret not! Your dog is merely preparing himself for the (formerly secret) Baptist WDHC (WeinerDongHonouringCeremony), an event which requires great...patience.

Profound: In Heaven, dogs don't have to get close to smell you.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 01:14 PM

Sheesh, I downloaded Netscape, and I can't log-in to all sorts of things, and it's logged me out of others, GODDAM!
The previous guest was moi. Agape mou
John

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 01:08 PM

Now if Spaw was looking at this site, he might have said that what GWB had under his arm was Condi Rice [Nope; still sounds like a side dish!], but as he isn't in sight I'll say it for him.
Where is he when we need him?
John

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 12:57 PM

Little Hawk, the xx at the end of my posts can mean a couple of things...I've been ending my letters this way for decades. I think it started as the traditional "kisses" when I was young, but then when I got married to a Greek, he asked me why I always signed off with "hee hee" which is how "x" is pronounced in Greek. I kinda like that explanation...but since we can only tell the truth on such a deep and meaningful thread as this one-











It..is..just..a..habit..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: jimmyt
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 10:46 PM

Good one, Little hawk. DO me a favor and gently put the empty bottle of Reisling down beside that half bag of cheetos and have a rest. It will all be better tomorrow, eh?    grin

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Peace
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 09:59 PM

No man is a hero to his valet.

(I know, I know: No man is an island . . . .)

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 08:24 PM

Depends on which heaven.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 07:32 PM

Do dogs really want to go to Heaven anyway? I'd heard that they cannot sniff bottoms there ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 07:18 PM

Kendall's dog, Seamus, attempted to "honor" a long haired dachsund but Kendall interfered and strained his back for the effort. Does that make Kendall a Baptist? I don't think that he can still be my friend if he is a Baptist...

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Strick
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:20 PM

Nope, it's from Connecticut like he is. He hasn't lived here long enough to be a real Texan.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:18 PM

Have you seen that black hairy thing GWB has under his arm, is that a Texas dog?
John

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Strick
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:12 PM

You know, John, I've never seen a "Texas" weiner in Texas. We use the large ones.

Subject: Confessed Proselytizer
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:09 PM

I will happily proselytize for Chicago dogs anytime.

See, "you" were right, I AM a proselytizerr, are you happy now that you have it in writing?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:04 PM


Could this be the answer?

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:01 PM

ooooh...a better picture

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:59 PM

Been there, got the photo. I prefer The Dog Shat in my Tucker Box to the cleaner version.
John

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:55 PM

in Gundagai, NSW, Australia, they have a pooch on a plinth in a pond. (The one who guarded the tuckerbox) Those Aussies know how to honor a deserving dog!

(well, the dog didn't REALLY 'guard' the tuckerbox, but we don't make statues about the truth of the story)

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Peace
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:48 PM

Unitarians have Unicorns. Sorry for the thread drift.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Megan L
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:42 PM

aw its not so bad now it got babies :-) civilises most men

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:35 PM

Yes, and it's gross species discrimination.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:30 PM

I must apologize. My white-on-white post above said,"Baptists don't honor weiner dogs for the same reason that Presbyterians don't glorify Pomeranians!"

It should have said, "Baptists don't honor weiner dogs for the same reason that Presbyterians don't pray to Pomeranians!"

To further complicate matters, Baptists don't honor weiner dogs for the same reason that:

Anglicans don't annoint Airedales

Buddhists don't beatify Beagles

Catholics don't canonize Collies

Episcopalians don't elevate Elkhounds

Hindus don't humble themselves before Harriers

Lutherans don't lionize Labradors

Methodists don't memorialize Mastiffs

Pentecostals don't put Pugs on pedestals

Taoists don't dote on Dalmations

Unitarians don't have dogs because there are no recognized breeds beginning with "U" unless you consider "ugly damned dog" to be a breed.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Strick
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:27 PM

Well, if the luggage has them, it can keep them. Have you seen those teeth?

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Megan L
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:24 PM

Strick no wonder you cant find the pills ponder stibbons gave them to rincewind for the luggage

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 04:57 PM

It's the dachshund we are talking about here! I have two of them, Valdy and Rennie, and they are very upset about both Lutherans and Baptists. I will try to get a link to a jpg ASAP.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: artbrooks
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 04:48 PM

Now, I have friends that are Baptists...some of them even admit it! This is a gross calumny. Many Baptists honor weiner dogs, especially on a sourdough bun with hot mustard and slaw. On the other hand, why don't Lutherans give proper respect to that other German product, the dachshund (otherwise known as the weiner dog)?

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 04:16 PM

It's very simple.

Answer is: Becuse someone might think they are dancing !!

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 04:09 PM

I haven't had a Montreal steamie, so I really can't say for sure. I just said Chicago has the best dogs because Chongo would raise hell if I didn't. He's very patriotic to Chicago and I have to live with him.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Strick
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 03:57 PM

One what? (Ooooh, you're really leaving yourself open here, Brucie.)

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Peace
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 03:56 PM

I am obviously in a majority of one here.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 03:45 PM

Truth is universal and knows no national or political boundaries!

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Peace
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 03:40 PM

Little Hawk,

Do not open old wounds. You are a Canadian, albeit from Ontario. Think steamies here. Weiner dogs like steamies.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: GUEST,pdc
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 03:40 PM

And for oddest threads I've ever read, the weiner is....LH!

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Strick
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 03:07 PM

"who has the dried frog pills?"

I think the Librarian had them last. He took them from the Archchancellor, the last time, well, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 12:32 PM

Actually, if it were not for Martin, I would not have started this thread. And he's right. The best dog is in Chicago.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Peace
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 12:20 PM

But, if the dogs grew as fast as this thread, why, they'd be St Bernards or twelve miles long.

Subject: RE: BS: Why don't Baptists honor weiner dogs?
From: Peace
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 12:19 PM

We need Martin here. He says the best dog is in Chicago.