Catspaw on Jury Duty?

Subject: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Peter T.
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 04:33 PM

It just occurred to me that when this gets around, we are all due for a serious outbreak of law-abidingness anywhere within a couple of hundred mile radius of where CP lives. Just a thought.....yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Áine
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 05:02 PM

When Catspaw was called to the jury,
The defense lawyer was heard to say, "Hurry!"
"If you can sing it in key,
Better yet on one knee,
I don't think that you have to worry!"

-- Áine

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: kendall
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 05:58 PM

One can aleays get out of jury duty. Just say you are in favor of capital punishment. If that sticks in your craw, say, "If he was innocent, he wouldn't be here."

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Homeless
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 06:18 PM

"I ain't prejudice. I hate everybody."

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Sorcha
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 06:58 PM

Cop's wife--Can we just shoot them all, Sir?

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Áine
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 07:02 PM

"That's not a defendant -- that's my BROTHER!"

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: ddw
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 07:13 PM

There's no such thing as an innocent man (or woman), and this guy (or gal) looks like if he could do it, he did do it.

Puts defense lawyers right off their Pablum.

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: MK
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 07:22 PM

Wouldn't it be wonderful and ironic if this TTCM was the defendant?   8-)

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Áine
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 07:31 PM

They elected 'Spaw foreman, as a joke,
And he reared back his head as he spoke,
"Throw the law books away!
I don't have all damned day!
I've got the right fix for this bloke!"

The man in the dock, how he swayed,
And he wilted as he heard 'Spaw say,
"You're the fella, aren't you,
Who stole from InOBU
The tips from his can St. Pat's Day!"

"But sir," the poor man sputtered with fright,
"I just wanted a room for the night."
Catspaw spat on the floor,
Put his hand on the door,
And said, "Oh, I'll fix you up just right!"

"Your sentence," said 'Spaw, his arms wavin',
"Is to listen to tunes 24-7.
But the band that you'll hear,
Isn't angels, my dear,
It's KISS -- you'll wish you were in heaven!"

The defendant, his match he had met,
And knew that his fate it was set,
He'd been judged by the best,
And been put to the test,
And he'll sin no more, that you can bet!

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Apr 00 - 10:03 PM

Aine, you outdo yourself! And Michael, after reading a few of these threads this evening, that thought occured to me also!

I found a great, well not exactly great, way to be excused for the remainder of the week......absessed tooth removed this afternoon!!! Well I know it won't work every week and I don't feel so hot right now, but it beats sitting in court!

In this county they run 4 juries at a time and if you get lucky, you will never have to go a day. They're not big on excusing people either. My mistake was trying all the truthful reasons which should have done it. Judge Martin doesn't see it that way. And who knows, maybe something interesting will happen! The county Sheriff has 323 (true, not an exaggeration) indictments against him, and I'd LOVE to be on that jury!!! Won't happen this soon, but its a nice thought!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Peter T.
Date: 05 Apr 00 - 08:48 AM

great song, Aine ("when his trial is over, yours begins"). yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Áine
Date: 05 Apr 00 - 09:10 AM

Dear 'Spaw,

Glad you liked the rhymes! Sorry to hear about the tooth, and I do hope that you feel better soon. So, does this mean that now you're a 'saggy butt toothless Madagascar tortoise? *BG* That's OK, I love them too!

Take care, Áine

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Apr 00 - 01:42 PM

When this lousy trial is over,
No more jurying for me.
When I get that wig and gown off,
Oh how happy I shall be.
No more smiling at the foreman
No more fellons on the loose
You can take him to the chair, boys;
Or if you prefer, the noose.....

LTS

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Bert
Date: 05 Apr 00 - 01:50 PM

Trying to avoid jury duty Eh! I thought you LIKED being one of 'The gang of twelve'

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 00 - 04:11 PM

The judge looked over his left shoulder
He said, now Pat, stop gaffin'
How can I run a legal trial,
With everybody laughin'?

Our Catspaw will be asked to step down, step down
He's spared the judge's fury
He kept the lawyers rolling on the ground
As chairman of the jury!

A

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: MK
Date: 05 Apr 00 - 04:27 PM

Well unfortunately the court system is not about justice.

It's about... ''Tell us a story. And if we like the story, you'll get off.''. (As witnessed in the OJ trial among others.)

Pretty soon it won't even be lawyers defending their clients.

It'll be ''Well now, who's defending him? Spielberg?! Oh...that Spielberg tells a good story.
DNA---my ass! By the time that there Spielberg fella gets done with that jury, he'll have 'em seein' dinosaurs!



(...not meant to offend any lawyers who double as Mudcatters. Just making a (hopefully) humorous observation.)

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 06 Apr 00 - 12:32 PM

Real story from when I was on jury duty....

Prosection: "...then the accused skillfully disabled the alarm Your Honour..."
Judge: "...it says here in my notes that he hit it with a hammer...!"

Have a great time 'Spaw...you'll probably have plenty of time sitting round waiting to write/learn some new songs!

mcmoo

Subject: RE: Catspaw on Jury Duty?
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Apr 00 - 01:04 PM

Well, I had the dental problem which got me out of the rest of this week, but mooman, I gotta' ask.........

Did you break up laughing when this was said? I know I'd have a hard time not busting a gut as I just did when I read it!

Spaw