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Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Mr boo Date: 20 Jun 19 - 12:34 PM I like the toilet gag and Solomon sat with his genie for 40 years and turned it in to a twat |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: voyager Date: 07 Jun 19 - 04:19 PM I heard this tune from a Orrin Star Tribute Site and literally fell off my donkey....laughing my arse off. voyager |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST Date: 07 Mar 12 - 12:56 PM We sing this at our Passover seder and try to write a new verse every year. stretching it a lot was: Elazar the bad accountant, he couldn't budget. A good one was God, he moves in mysterious ways |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,mjcohen Date: 12 Jun 11 - 09:32 AM How about two more, Paul and Silas, they were bound in jail |
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Subject: 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,christie ¢¾ Date: 10 Apr 11 - 11:47 AM 1. cain; he wasn't able 2. moses; he took the tablets (laxatives???) 3. samson; he brought the house down 4. solomon; he sat for 40 years 5. ballam; he couldn't move his ass (arse) 6. noah; he filled an ark up 7. titus; it should explain itself (tight arse) 8. jesus; he cleared the temple (bad gas???) 9. joshua; blew the walls down 10. adam; he soiled the garden hope this helps :) |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Lillian Date: 15 Oct 10 - 07:31 PM sorry about last i can only remember 3 there was cain, he wasnt able there was solomon, he sat for 40 years there was moses, he took two tablets plus, my dad sais that most of the ones on this page arn't realy constopated, they did it. i tried to make him see that they were before that, but he didn't listed |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Stephen Date: 26 Sep 10 - 04:45 PM Thomas, but he doubted. And in the Qur'an (The Holy Qur'an), Muhammad, but he moved a mountain. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST Date: 30 Aug 10 - 07:55 PM 1. There was Cain He wasn't Able 2. There was Moses He took two tablets 3. There was Noah He had an arc full 4. There was Isaac He was all bound up 5. There was Solomon He sat for forty years 6. There was Sampson He brought the house down 7. There was Baalam He couldn't move his ass 8. There was Pharaoh He wouldn't let go 9. There was David He fought a giant 10. There was Nachshon He had it up to here (gesture with your hand that the "water" level of the red sea was up to his lips before it split) And for your added pleasure, 11. There was Joshua He blew the walls down 12. There was Barruch He tied his ass to a tree 13. There was Adam He soiled the Garden |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Two Segals Date: 09 Mar 10 - 07:35 PM I'm sure there were many versions of the list of constipated men, but I remember the opening words of verse Joel 4:20 included in the collection. In Hebrew it is "V'Yehuda l'olam teshev", which literally means "Judah will sit forever". |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: KEVINOAF Date: 26 May 09 - 04:27 AM it was Cook, Australia still abounds in it |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Sooz Date: 30 Apr 09 - 05:46 AM I heard it was Columbus discovered it! |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: KEVINOAF Date: 30 Apr 09 - 04:37 AM there is somewhere in the book of judges a tale about a king of Canaan being assassinated in the privy, I believe he was a very obese monarch The stomach closed over the wound and the crap rolled out of him! if this guy wasn't constipated well I don't know who was. regarding the erroneous ark accounts on this thread;- Noah in fact shoveled the animal crap over the side in one hit. It lay undiscovered for many millennia until Captain Cook rediscovered it |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Jack Blandiver Date: 30 Apr 09 - 04:20 AM What about the nameless person in The Song of Solomon 5:4 whose bowels were moved by their lover's dexterous manipulations? A standard technique in cases of constipation I believe, herein delightfully eroticised by way of Old Testament Scatalogy... |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Delilah Date: 30 Apr 09 - 03:04 AM Peter said that "heaven and earth couldn't move him." Satan "was bound for a thousand years." |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Leadfingers Date: 16 Oct 08 - 08:28 PM black belt caterpillar wrestler - Thats The FIRST Motorcyclist ! The roar of Moses Triumph was heard through all of Israel ! |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Talps Date: 16 Oct 08 - 04:09 PM On the subject of Noah, not many people know that after the flood, God went to Noah and said, "Noah, I need you to build me a second ark!" "A second ark?" Exclaimed Noah, "But you said you wouldn't flood the world again!" "Oh no," Said God, "It's nothing like that. I need you to build this ark, and it must be seven storeys tall." "Seven storeys tall??" "Seven storeys tall!" "But why?" Asks Noah. "Well," Replies God, "Then you must make it totally waterproof." "Totally waterproof??" "Totally waterproof!" "But Why??" "Well," Said God, "Then you have to fill it was carp." "FILL IT WITH CARP?" "Fill it with Carp!" "BUT WHY???" "Well," said God, "Because then you'll have a multi-storey carp-ark!" |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Talps Date: 16 Oct 08 - 04:02 PM First mention of tennis in the Bible: When Joseph served in Pharoah's courts. First motorcycle in the Bible: When David's Triumph roared through the valleys. Tallest man in the Bible: Isaiah (groan) (Eyes-higher) Shortest person in the Bible: Is NOT Nehemiah! Is NOT EVEN Bildad the Shuhite. It IS IN FACT Peter, who slept on his watch. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,re: Margie Steiner Date: 11 Apr 08 - 05:24 PM We learned it from Margie too....actually....Doctor Marge..... She had several more verses, but we only used 5. Cindy Funk |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Nigel Parsons Date: 30 Jul 07 - 12:11 PM With the requirement now for Guests to post with a name, it's interesting to watch. The profanities of 8:51 provided by Bob C Twinz would never have issued from the books penned under the pseudonym of Laura Lee Hope CHEERS Nigel |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,The black belt caterpillar wrestler Date: 30 Jul 07 - 08:20 AM There's a reference somewhere to sports cars. "He tore up the desert in his triumph". |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Bob C Twinz Date: 29 Jul 07 - 08:51 PM Advance warning: admittedly not for the devout ...... Those easily offended are genially encouraged to pass on to the next message. (If we can't have a little fun with our sacred cows, they will soon cease to moo for us.) While there are one or two New Testament personages in the versions above, the later crowd was badly under-represented. Herewith a work in progress (note variant lines). Feel free to improve it on your own: TEN CONSTIPATED BEINGS, Or, Five Constipated Men, Two Constipated Women, One Constipated Fallen Angel, One Constipated Savior, and One Constipated God in the New Testament There were ten, ten constipated beings In the gospels, in the gospels, There were ten, ten constipated beings In the holy testament [or: In the four synoptic gospels) Now, the first ... was John the Baptist, he had to go before ... And the 2nd ... Apostle Paul, they lowered him through the hole ... The 3rd ... Apostle Peter, denied it three times ... And the 4th ... Pontius Pilate, he had to wash his hands ... Now, the 5th ... Judas Iscariot, he burst asunder ... Now the 1st, 1st constipated woman ... Mother Mary, she used the manger ... And the 2nd ... Sister Martha, she rose up hastily ... And the one, one constipated fallen angel was Satan, he voided man's good works ... Now the one, one constipated Savior, was Jesus, he rose in three days OR: he rode in on his ass, OR: he blew the stone away, Now, the One, One constipated God, his name was GOD, he sits till Judgment Day ... |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST Date: 28 Jul 07 - 01:58 PM there was jeremiah who broke the chamber pot |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:51 PM Listen to the song -- number 14 on this CD Gee, you'd think it would be number 2, wouldn't you? |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:36 PM "Adam soiled the garden (does this count as constipated?)" No, I don't think so, but he did need the help of a snake before he could evacuate... |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:12 PM And then there was.... dare I say it?.... there was Thomas, who had to put his finger in the hole.... *blushing, ducking and running for cover* |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: SharonA Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:32 PM Then there was Judas, who held what was put therein. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Georgiansilver Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:17 PM So have you all managed to 'get it all out' now then? Is everyone 'clear'. Was it all just a 'flash in the pan' or have you gone 'round the bend. Did anyone have a constipated brain (ie mental block)? |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:02 PM So, the general list seems to be . . . Adam soiled the garden (does this count as constipated?) Cain wasn't Abel Noah for 40 days passed only water Balaam couldn't move his ass (sounds more like he's stuck than constipated) Moses ran all the way up the hill and had to take two tablets (this was the version the camp kids did) Solomon sat on the throne for 40 years Sampson brought the house down (again, constipated?) Barruch's ass was tied to a tree (does that make one constipated or just have to hold it?) Pharoah wouldn't let them go (wouldn't or couldn't?) Joshua blew the walls down (isn't this the end of the constipation?) David threw a stone (ouch.) Peter was like a rock Titus' name speaks for itself Jesus cleared the temple (is this constipation or excessive gas?) Did I miss any? |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Mira Nassif Date: 20 Mar 07 - 11:04 AM And the ... His name was Noah, he filled the arch |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Songster Bob Date: 13 Mar 07 - 01:45 PM [To match your "Shortest man in the Bible", the Bible's first motorcyclist was King David - "The sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land."] Ah, but what was the first automobile mentioned in the Bible? ... a Plymouth, for we read, in Genesis, "And God, in his Fury, drove them from the garden." My wife's cousin has a wonderful (and huge) folk-art painting of this passage from the good book. Bob Clayton |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,BB Date: 13 Mar 07 - 12:47 PM I just saw Joe Hickerson at a house concert on Sunday, and he sang this song, which I had first heard him sing in 1974. At the house concert, he named his source - from the early 1970s - as Margie Steiner (or is it "Margi?", or "Stiner?") and said that she was a blind woman. He was so happy to have finally learned a song from a blind woman! Or... was he just pulling our legs??? Anyway, he still uses just the Five men, but said others have come up with more constipated men since he first heard the song. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Siviyo Date: 12 Mar 07 - 04:42 PM Misogynists! You're forgetting: There was Esther- she sat in the women's house. I also remember Jonah- he had a whale of a time I remember Rabbi Steve singing this one at NFTY events. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible From: GUEST,Dr Price Date: 08 Aug 06 - 12:23 PM In the 1970s, I stayed with Royston Wood in Leiston, Suffolk. Holly Tannen, the Californian dulcimer player, was a resident. The Young Tradition had just broken up, and Royston told me he had this great song from America called The Five Constipated Men. He said no-one had heard of it, and I listened while he sang it: "There were five, five constipated men In the Bible, In the Bible There were five, five constipated men In the five good books of Moses." The first, first constipated man He was Cain, he was not Abel The first, first constipated man He was Cain, he was not Abel." Moses - he took the tablets Balaam - he couldn't move his ass Solomon - he sat for forty years Samson - he brought the house down I started singing it in the folk clubs, and Owen Jones from Monmouth (now of Birmingham) picked it up. It spread like wildfire. Then Pat joined me and we started playing as Calennig - and Five Constipated Men got dropped. We'd had enough of it by then. Eventually Royston went to live in White Plains, New York, where he was tragically killed by a car. I visited him in White Plains, and I thanked him for letting me sing his song. Thanks, Mudcatters, for jogging my memory! |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible From: Valmai Goodyear Date: 08 Aug 06 - 06:27 AM No doubt everyone knows that religious movements are produced by mixing holy water and prune juice. By the way, Moses must have worn a wig, because sometimes he was seen with Aaron and sometimes without. Valmai (Lewes) |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible From: GUEST,Kaellie Date: 07 Aug 06 - 03:49 PM Adam, he soiled the garden Cain, he was unAbel, Samson, he brought the house down, Balaam, he couldnt shift his ass, Pharaoh he wouldn't let it go Moses, he took two tablets, Solomon, he sat for forty years, Noah, he filled the ark Titus, his name speaks for itself, Jesus, he cleared the temple. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,Joe_F Date: 30 Jul 06 - 09:00 PM The other shortest men in the Bible were Ne-Hi-Miah and he who had not, and even that which he had was taken away. --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: A little of what you fancy does you good. :|| |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,hi Date: 30 Jul 06 - 05:15 PM ý wonderfull DAVÝD COSHER |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Juan P-B Date: 23 Dec 05 - 10:07 AM The first mention of computers is in the Bible Adam gave Eve an Apple so she played with his Wang Season's Greetings my fellow 'catters Juan P-B |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,James Date: 22 Dec 05 - 04:18 PM Cain, he was not Abel, Samson, he brought the house down, Solomon, he sat for forty years, Moses, he took the tablets, Titus, his name speaks for itself, Balaam, he couldnt shift his ass, Peter, he was like a rock, Jesus, he cleared the temple. Had another two, but cant remember what they were. |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Nerd Date: 22 Sep 02 - 09:26 PM But if David "dropped a big one" and Noah "filled the ark" then they wouldn't be constipated, right? I heard it with 5 men: Cain, Moses, Balaam, Samson, Solomon. These are still the ones that make the most sense...the others seem to be crapping their hearts out by filling arks and soiling gardens and the like!
I also heard the Noah verse, but it was an obvious add-on, because to make it fit the tune you had to change the pattern of repetition. Where an ordinary verse went: BTW: what about casting your bread upon the waters? Is that not the same as pitching a loaf?
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Nigel Parsons Date: 22 Sep 02 - 11:39 AM I thought the line for David was "David dropped a big one"! Nigel |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Snuffy Date: 22 Sep 02 - 09:38 AM Cosher Bailey's brother Dyer Tried to join the chapel choir But the minister said "No fear, We don't want no Dyer 'ere."
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Mr Red Date: 22 Sep 02 - 03:34 AM now which biblical (non-constipated) character said "It's dire here"? Was it Jonah? - I think his bowel movements would have been decidedly loose when he "made his him in that fishes abdomen" - cue for a song? I seem to remember Lott's wife was considered loose....... |
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Liz the Squeak Date: 22 Sep 02 - 03:20 AM The version of ladies in the lavatory I knew (and consequently forgot a long time ago) had 7, and had the splendid verse:
The first two were off to have tea with the vicar LTS |
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Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Leadfingers Date: 21 Sep 02 - 09:29 PM The clean version of the ladies has them 'Nattering Happily',rather than locked in the lavatory. |
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Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: GUEST,bdogmv99 Date: 21 Sep 02 - 09:14 PM There were ten, ten constipated men in the bible. 1st was cain, he wasn't abel, Solomon sat for 40 years. Then came Adam,he soiled the garden. Next was David, he threw a stone, Balaam couldn't move his ass. And Noah he filled the ark. Soon was Moses, he took the tablets, Samson he knocked the house down. Joshua, he blew the wall down. Next was King David, his sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land. Those are the ten, ten constipated men in the bible. |
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Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Joe Offer Date: 30 Aug 01 - 08:23 PM I think Snuffy's right in saying the tune is the "Quartermaster's Store." We have it in the Digital Tradition as Quartermaster Corps (click), with tune. -Joe Offer- |
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Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Matthew B. Date: 30 Aug 01 - 07:25 PM The tune I use is not like any other I know. Helpful, huh? |
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Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Snuffy Date: 30 Aug 01 - 09:05 AM Tune is Quartermasters Store Wassail! V |
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Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible From: Dunc Date: 30 Aug 01 - 04:56 AM This is a new one on me - but it involves toilet humour so it gets my vote. What tune does this great song get sung to? |
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