BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!

Subject: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:28 PM

There always seem to be recipe threads going - bread, chili, cornbread etc. - but some of us never get to post to them because our cooking skills are on a par with Mike Tyson's social skills.   

Wanna see my recipe for chili? "Open can, pour into bowl, microwave for 3 minutes." I can't put that on a recipe thread. But I can put it on this thread!

Anyway, the title of the thread is somewhat misleading. You may post a recipe for toast if you really wanna, but it's not limited to toast by any means. Other stuff any dope can make will work just as well.   We need recipes for boiled eggs, bologna sandwiches, Cheez-Whiz on a Ritz, Vienna sausage... The list is endless. No recipe is too mundane.

Non-cookers, this is your thread. Make the most of it!


Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:32 PM

Hi. I'm Mary, and I'M A NONCOOKER!

Boiled egg: Boil it ten minutes.

Spaghetti sauce: Buy a good commercial brand, and throw in some fresh mushrooms and red wine.

Barbeque sauce: use Kraft Barbeque Sauce.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: GUEST,Cook the Books.
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:37 PM

Open pack of instant mash.

Make as per instructions, i.e add boiling water and bash around a bit with a spoon/fork/coathanger.

Open tin of tuna.

Add second ingredient to first.Bash around as before.

Eat.

If you are having a Jamie Oliver moment, add tin of sweetcorn.(open it first).

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: greg stephens
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:42 PM

Egg noodles: put them in hot water for 5 mins. Drain. Stir in tin of tuna. Eat.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Jeri
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:51 PM

When I was a teenager: open a can of Campbell's chicken & rice soup. Skim off fat. Eat soup with a spoon. No cooking, no washing up (except the spoon) and no time wasted heating it.

Boil pasta in salted water until it doesn't crunch. Drain, and stir in Cheeze Whiz. (For anyone who's unfamiliar with this, it's a cheese-like food-like product in a jar.)

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Helen
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:53 PM

My favourite simple breakfast item is what our family used to call Toad in the Hole. Butter a slice of bread on both sides. Carefully cut a square about 1 + 1/2 inches in centre of bread slice, i.e. making a square hole in the centre of the slice. Keep the cut-out square. You'll need that to mop up the plate when you have finished the egg.

Heat a frying pan on medium heat - not too high - and add about a tablespoon of cooking oil - I use olive oil - or butter. Wait a couple of minutes for the pan to heat up a bit. Get an egg and put it handy because the next bit is about timing, to some extent.

Place the slice and the small square of bread into the pan, and quickly break the egg into the hole in the bread. Let it cook for a few minutes and check if it is done enough on that side by gently lifting a corner of the bread up to see if it is browning slightly. If so, use an egg flip to turn it over, as well as the small square. Wait another minute or so, check the underside, and lift it out when the egg is soft or hard enough to your liking.

If the egg sticks a bit just make sure that next time you put the bread slice in a part of the pan with a good amount of oil or butter, or if you have to, put a little bit more oil/butter in the centre of the hole before breaking the egg in.

I put cranberry sauce on it but any sauce is good.

This goes really well with bacon, or fried tomatoes. I don't like fried eggs as much when they are fried on their own without the bread.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:54 PM

LOL! I'm a Cook...this is funny! Put bread in toaster, wait til it pops up, spread with something....eat.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Helen
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:57 PM

greg,

My hubby has 2 minute noodles with a dollop of Tandoori sauce in it. Yuk!

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 06:59 PM

Egg noodles might be okay in five minutes, but spaghetti takes a little longer. Those of us without teeth always have trouble with that "al dente" bit, so the "refrigerator test" is essential knowledge. Throw a string of spaghetti up against the refrigerator. If it sticks, the stuff is done. If you can't hit the refrigerator, turn the heat off and go finish your beer.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 07:09 PM

Well being a proponent of the Carbon Diet, I hold the lever down on the toaster until the smoke alarm goes off or fire shoots out the top. Then, a little butter and some cinimin sugar and, oh, delicious...

Black is beautiful, baby...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Gareth
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 07:13 PM

Bobert - Peasent!!!! - The only way to make toast is simple

Put Thick cutbread under grill.

Wait until smoke alarm goes off.

Extiguish bread, and scrape off black bits.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: C-flat
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 07:26 PM

Helen, your "toad in the hole" was always called "Canadian egg" by my somewhat eccentric Mother. She had a way of cooking that made maximum use of the frying pan, and gave her creations titles like "Mexican hab-dab" which consisted of anything that was handy and could reasonably (or sometimes not) be fried.
Real "toad in the hole" (sausage in Yorkshire pudding) did not fall into the fry-able category and so it was many years later before I discovered it.
Another favourite was "Eggy bread", crack eggs into bowl, bash them about, dip slice of bread into mix and FRY. This was considered a wholesome meal in our house. When there was no bread or eggs left she was known to fry a mixture of flour and water, which she described as a "flap-jack". I can still taste the flour.
I do still occassionally make "Canadian egg" (my daughter loves it but I only make it when her Mother's out) in honour of my dear departed Mother, whose contribution to haute-cuisine is only rivalled by her services to the lard industry.
C-flat. (or C-fat)

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 07:29 PM

well, I 'can' cook some things when I'm in the mood but...often, I'm not.

me, I'm gooormay of them frozen burritos what can be microwaved in 2 minutes. It's best to get a GOOD brand..(Trader Joe's, if you have one of those stores around...and Patio if you're desparate.)

Lay burrito on paper plate, zap for 44 seconds...turn over, repeat...turn over again..till it's hot enuf for ya. (why 44 secs.? because it's EASIER...55 secs for some things..111 for others...see?)

lay on a dollop of some decent brand of ersatz Mexican condiment(I like green chili sauce a lot, or La Victoria 'Salsa Superior') and eat...

(Oh..most of the brands of sauces brag about how 'chunky' they are!..Blech! I like 'em uniform, and I give each new bottle 10 seconds in the blender!)

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: jimmyt
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 07:32 PM

whenever my wife is not feeling well I make her her favorite Take some cut onions and saute them for a little bit in butter or oil, as soon as they are cooked a bit put some tomato juice is skillet and heat up and serve as a soup.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Micca
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 07:41 PM

I've always liked the story of the kid who says " I know its time to get up when I hear Mom sharpening the toast"

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Burke
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 07:52 PM

Cheap, fast lunch:

Boil small pan of water.
While waiting get package of Ramen Noodles, crush with hand before opening.
Boil Ramen noodles according to package (@2 minutes)
Drain noodles
Add some butter, sprinkle with parmesan cheese, dried basil, chopped nuts.
Optional: Open seasoning package & sprinkle a little on.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 08:16 PM

LOL- a sorry bunch, indeed. (I'm one of you. Often.)

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Jeri
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 08:25 PM

I had a boss who used to eat hot dogs rolled up in tortillas. This was before 'wrap' sandwiches became popular.

C-Flat's 'eggy bread' is what we USians refer to as 'French toast'. Add butter and maple syrup.

If you like eggs 'over easy' but you think 'easy' isn't, turn the heat down and put a pan lid, just barely big enough to fit over them, over them.

Omelets are pretty much no-brainers. I like cheese omelets with good salsa slathered over them. You can make 'leftover' omelets too. If the folding part's too much of a pain, just mix everything in and make scrambled whatever. Don't try using portabella mushrooms, they turn everything brown. Tastes good, but it looks an unfortunate accident in your pans.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 08:27 PM

1) Open tin of Chef Boyardee Ravioli. Eat.

2) Open tin of Heinz beans. Eat.

3) A good thing for people what don't Cordon Bleu cook is this.

Boil noodles. Boil some ground beef. Drain both noodles and beef. Add can Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup--for the challenged, add the contents of the can. Bit of milk. Mix well. Will do for two meals. Eat. If your food laws prevent you from mixing milk and meat, omit the milk. However, I think there may be some in the mushroom soup. So, leave that out too. If this seems too difficult for one reason or the other, see 1, 2), and 4).

4) Peanut butter, banana, jam and lettuce. Put between two slices of bread. Eat.

The key is the last word: eat.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 08:38 PM

Breakfast:- Pour sensible qantity of Muesli in bowl, fill bowl with milk. Switch on computer.By the time you can get into Mudcat the milk will have soaked nicely into the Muesli so you can eat it while reading Forum.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Jeri
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 08:44 PM

A little thread creep: In the military, before there were Meals, Ready to Eat (MREs), there were C-Rations in cans. There are official ways to heat up both types of meal, but I don't believe people ever used them. We just ate 'em cold or found creative ways of heating them up.

I used to work on generators. Big, jet-fuel fueled, jet engine driven suckers with the exhausts facing skyward. Folks used to open cans a bit, set them on the edge of the exhaust and pull 'em off with tongs when they got hot. (Usually in a matter of seconds.) I was out in the Mohave desert once, and the guys explained how to do this to a young officer. Unfortunately, they forgot the part about opening the can a bit. I had to help clean up the aftermath of the spaghetti-and-meatballs bomb.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 08:56 PM

Speaking of frying eggs- there's a combination of frying and poaching I like that I grew up with.   Break the egg(s) into the pan and add just a bit of water then cover. It steams into an tasty over-easy egg that doesn't stick to the pan.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 09:14 PM

Fried Bread: Heat pan. Butter bread and fry in pan. Eat. Not advised for eaters over thirty.

Fancy-schmancy Hors D'Oeurves: Use organic crunchy Peanut Butter. Spread some on a lot of Ritz crackers or Wheat Thins as suits. Serves self.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Mudlark
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 09:15 PM

Ebbie...an elegant offshot to the fry/poach approach to eggs. Oil pan, crack eggs into hot oil, let cook over med. heat for a min. or so, then add 1-3 tablesppons white wine, cover tightly and either cook for a minute or more over low heat, or turn off and leave 5 min. Take off lid, sprinkle well set eggs with copious amounts of parmesan cheese. The heat from eggs will melt cheese slightly, or for a fancy touch, brown cheese under broiler for a few seconds.

The broiler is also an excellent tool for those that aren't adept at flipping omelets (Yo!). Cook omelet mixture on top of stove over low/med. heat until throroughly set, then finish off under broiler...takes about another minute. And the omelet comes out puffy and browned (and round...it's much too pretty to fold over).

For no muss, boiled eggs are the best...boil for 5 minutes, then let set for 20. Peel and eat out of hand, squirting honey mustard on each bite--sort of deviled eggs a go go.

For really no muss snacking you cant beat microwave popcorn. I like the cheaper store brands better than expensive Orville and you can eat it right out of the bag.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:06 PM

White wine? Did Mudlark say, "White wine?" I beg your pardon, but we'll have none of that on this thread! Get on over to one of the real cooking threads if you're gonna use white wine! On this thread we use things like mayonnaise. And I don't mean that in the French sense. I mean it in the Kraft or Hellman's sense.

Speaking of which...

UNCLE BRUCE'S BOLOGNA SALAD

Buy a one-pound package of bologna from the "reduced for quick sale" bin at the grocery store. Prepare three hard-boiled eggs using Mary in Kentucky's recipe above. Dice bologna and eggs. (Dicing means cut it up into little pieces.) Throw 'em in a bowl and add enough mayonnaise to make everything stick together. Add any or all of the following depending on yer taste buds: prepared mustard, sweet pickle relish or salad cubes, dill pickle relish, chopped fresh onions, chopped olives, minced garlic. (Do NOT add white wine.) Spoon a glob of it onto bread or toast (see Sorcha's recipe above) and eat.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Micca
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:17 PM

Engineering workshop Technicians method for Toast
1 take slice of bread (preferably crappy shop slice Wonderloaf etc) in long heat proof tongs
2 start Oxy/acetylene torch
3 play torch on slice of bread each side until correct colour achieved( 1-3 seconds a side)
4 spread with spread of choice
5 eat

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:25 PM

I was shown 'Aussie AJ" cooking method once - the cans are slammed unopened into a rock or log twice, so that there are large dents, then thrown into the fire. When the first dent pops out, you have until just after the second one pops to get the can out of the fire, else RUN AWAY! Leave can sit for a few minutes, then open carefully to avoid steam burns...

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:29 PM

And for dessert (known as 'puddin' when we were kids) there's always raisin toast.
Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:38 PM

Iced Tea

Fill quart-sized fruit jar half way with tap water. Put in microwave and nuke for several minutes. Add 2 Lipton tea bags. When you're tired of waiting, take the bags out and fill the jar up to the top with tap water.

If you want Southern Sweet Tea, add ~1 cup of sugar while still hot.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:45 PM

We used to open the c-rats cans a bit, prop 'em up on rocks or something, put a ball of C-4 explosive about as big as the end of your thumb under 'em, light the C-4 (it burns hotly, but doesn't explode without a blasting cap), and when it went out a few seconds later the c-rats were nicely hot.

Cook spaghetti for a while or until you think it's done. Drain off the water. Serve with Out Sauce or with tomato catsup (or ketchup). Or with a dollop of butter or margarine. If you want to be fancy sprinkle some dried parsley on it.

Desserts. Desserts haven't been mentioned. Bakeries were created so you wouldn't have to make desserts. But if you want to impress people, buy some of those round cream puffs. Put one of them on a paper doily on a small saucer. Dribble chocolate sauce on it. This is called a "profiterole" in France and costs a bundle. Tell everyone it took just HOURS to make. And, of course, there's always ice cream. To impress 'em with ice cream, drizzle creme de menthe and creme de cacao over French vanilla ice cream.

Or just buy a pie and heat it up some.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: MMario
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:46 PM

I can not cook with the best of them!

Drive to favorite restaurant.
Order.
eat.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:47 PM

Mint Julep

2 oz. Aged Kentucky Bourbon
1 tbsp. simple syrup (recipe below)
Mint sprigs gathered from a faraway place at dawn
Crushed ice

1 c. fresh spring water
1 c. sugar
1 bunch fresh mint sprigs gathered as above

Throw away all the ingredients except the Bourbon. Drink and enjoy.

(poetic license taken from Henry Watterson)

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:48 PM

I dunno, BW -- I think Mudlark has her ear closer to the ground nor you -- these days they have white whine at the Price Club that is right up there with Hellman's. $5/quart and take two aspirin before morning.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:49 PM

Cool your favorite drink in a can with a fire extinguisher, CO2-type.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:57 PM

Oh, while I think of it

DO NOT attempt to hard boil eggs faster by using a deep fryer - you get explosive results.

I didn't always use to be a good cook, it took lots of learning and mistakes...

Rapaire,
Aussie AJs were issued with white blocks of cooking substance fuel that used to stink like hell. Smart AJ's (not completely an oxymoron!) used to prefer wood fires - less obvious smell. Not sure if the white stuff would explode...

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 10:59 PM

Watermelon

Observe when your neighbor leaves home. Run to his garden, pick up medium-sized, ripe watermelon, and run back home. Bust it on the driveway and eat with both hands. (It helps to wear iron pants just in case.)

Also good for sweet corn and tomatoes. But cook the corn first.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: open mike
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 11:24 PM

the egg/bread mixture we used to call toad in a hole
was done with holes cut with the edge of a juice glass
to make a round hole. and I was told the MRE stands for
Meals Rejected by Ethiopians. these days they come with
a majic heater (iron filings?) which you shake ( ithink)
and heat the rations with it...we often get these on the
fire line.
and my favorite amount of time to mucrowave any thing
is 1:35 cuz those numbers are all in a row--on the way
to the "start" button.
Ha the ads below are for recipe books..it must seem like
we need 'em...the mud cat one is great @!

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 11:30 PM

lunch at woodworking shop in hot summer months..

open can of *good* tuna (solid, Albacore type)...drain...dump onto lettuce, sprinkle with 'some' Kraft Catalina salad dressing..eat.

cool and cheap...(yeah, I stock up on the tuna on sales)

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 11:38 PM

When corn is in season, soak full ears, unshucked, in a bucket of water for a couple of hours.

Start a campfire. Build up some good coals.

Throw the wet ears of corn (still unshucked) into the coals.

When they start smoking, pull `em out, shuck `em, smear on butter, shake on salt & pepper and eat.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 11:38 PM

Sardines

Open sardines, put them in a bowl. Squirt lemon juice or vinegar on them to strip off the oil. Next, use your fingers to break up the sardines and remove the bones and guts. Put the good parts on crackers and devour.

When finished, add soap to the waste products and put them down the disposal or stick them in the freezer until garbage day.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 11:58 PM

Tuna sandwiches, one utensil method:

Spoon a tablespoon or two of sweet relish into a bowl. Give spoon a quick rinse if you're near the sink.
Spoon a generous tablespoon of mayonaise into bowl.

Open can of tuna
Drain tuna water into two custard cups and place on floor for cats. Try to put them where you won't kick them next time you cross the floor.

Using same spoon dig tuna from can, mix all ingredients together, spread on bread. Eat or put in plastic bag for your lunch.

Pick up the damned bowl you just kicked even though you swore this time you'd remember it was down there.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: SueB
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 12:13 AM

Pork Roast.

Buy biggest cheapest pork roast at store.
Remove from packaging, toss into crockpot.
Sprinkle with garlic powder and paprika - be generous.
Put lid on crockpot, turn crockpot on low, forget about
for 6 - 8 hours.

Serve with soft white bread and bottled BBQ sauce.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:16 AM

Leeneia - Remove bones and guts from tinned sardines indeed. They are the good bits. You'll be telling us you don't eat the bacon rind or apple cores next!

Anyway. My recipe for breakfast. Get bottle with leftover drink in. Drink it. Go back to sleep...

Cheers

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: kendall
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:16 AM

New York omlette..steal two eggs...
Oh the toast recipe, be sure to remove bones...

You guys are pitiful! if you can read, you can cook!

My ex wife was a terrible cook, the garbage can had ulcers.

The flies in the yard took up a collection to get the screen door fixed.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 08:20 AM

Sangria

Take one jug.

Fill it 1/3 full of port or sherry, 1/3 full of red wine, and top up the last third with fizzy orange drink.

Put in two tines of John West strawberries, including syrup.

drink.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 08:52 AM

drink? I thought you only made it for your guests & I had assumed you tipped it out any leftovers.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 08:57 AM

Roast beef

go to deli
purchase

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 09:04 AM

The Sangria one reminded me of a discussion that Anthony Worral Thompson (UK TV Chef) was having with someone else on the radio. Other guy says for Bucks Fizz you take 1/2 Champagne and 1/2 good quality oranje juice.

No, no, say AWT. 2/3 Champagne, 1/3 OJ and then add some Quantro to make up for lost alcohol:-)

Cheers... hic

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 09:16 AM

Sorry. If it can't be cooked in a microwave, I can't help.

Subject: RE: BS: Urgently Needed! Recipe for Toast!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 09:19 AM

C-flat,

We always called the Toad in the Hole, Canadian Egg business the Egyptian Eye.....yummy whatever you call it!   :)

Michelle