Rugby Football Songs

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 03:07 PM

Sorry Try again

Clivk here The Quatermastrs Stores

Gareth

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 02:40 PM

Mooman

Clik Here for a vrsion of

Gareth

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 02:10 PM

Hey Richard, Roslyn park, I used to play for "Old Aleyniens" and "Streatham and Croyden" Did you ever play Rugby netball on Clapham common? 1968-70 ish?< I didn't list all my injuries, they sort of extend a bit with various tears, twists and breaks don't they?

The best game ever !!!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: mooman
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 05:52 AM

P.S. Eric...like you, several broken fingers and toes, twice in hospital with concussion, a gouged eye, cartilage damage to both knees, forced my premature retirement from this finest of sports!

I find the music slightly less violent although have no been totally free of "music injuries" either!

mooman

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: mooman
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 05:45 AM

Maybe it's because I played for softie Southern teams (Reading University 1st XV and Rosslyn Park) but I can't remember "The Quartermaster's Stores" even though I sung it often enough (usually while streaking through the streets of Reading frightening the local denizens) and can't find it in the DT. Can anybody bring back fond memories?

BTW, I remember "As I was walking by St Paul's" going down particularly well after we had beaten the said St Paul's Physical Training College 1st XV away and were enjoying their hospitality!

mooman

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Myra Proach
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 07:44 PM

That's it, Snuffy. Just a slightly different version of the same vile, disgusting song. Thanks for posting it.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 07:35 PM

In England that usually starts "The Mayor of Bayswater, he had such a lovely daughter" and it's here MAYOR OF BAYSWATER'S DAUGHTER in the DT database.

WassaiL! V

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,erstwhile rugger hugger
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 04:57 PM

Myra,
I almost got kicked out of my town house in Toronto years ago after I invited my rugger boyfriend and his rugger pals to a party and they commenced singing, at the top of their "puerile" lungs, songs like

"Mariah MacNaughter, the vicar's fair daughter,
The hairs on 'er dickie-die-do hung down to 'er knee.
One black one, one white one, and one with a bit o' shite on,
The hairs on 'er dickie-die-do hung down to 'er knee."
(tune: The Ash Grove)
Fortunately, I can't remember any more of it. Maybe we'll be lucky and no one will muddy the 'cat with the rest of it. But I wouldn't count on it.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 02:31 PM

Thankee all, I din't see "away with rum" cos i woz frisky with the whisky.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 08 Oct 01 - 01:58 PM

Guest,

I think the one Eric is after is the one in the Database as AWAY WITH RUM.

Does anyone know a slightly older version, "More beer and Bugger the Band of Hope" ?

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 11:30 PM

Anybody visit the auction lately. There is a collection of rugby songs up for sale. Smutty lot, too.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 11:25 PM

Sir Viking,

Ah...be ye a little disoriented by the scrum or the rum or is it the mead that sent you to seed?

I posted yer ruddy Salvation Army song, right over yer soddy head on 05-Oct-01 17:58

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Myra Proach
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 10:46 PM

This thread is entirely puerile and disgusting!
Myra
BTW, why hasn't anyone posted "Mariah MacNaughter?"

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: pavane
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 06:14 PM

Have you tried this site? Smutty songs etc

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 03:10 PM

Glad you play a proper game and don't wear armour like softies! (Hehe) Good luck. I once cracked 3 ribs in a crunching tackle, about 4 months later in a return match, same team, I did them again! Never did again after that, but bloody hell they ached for a good few years.Good luck, I only gave up at aged about 38 because I couldn't afford to have my anle tendons stitched on.(They're healed, but not too strong)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 02:22 PM

Erik,

I was a 35 year old rookie with a division III club in the Midwest last year. When my shoulder, ankle, and ribs completely heal, I am going to get back into it this year. In the meantime, the songs posted here help to keep me motivated.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 07 Oct 01 - 11:34 AM

So John 36 49 36, you are really a rugger in disguise! Or is it if you can't beat them join them? League or Union? If this is so......then, I have to say I am not usually caught like a fish and played so well. Thanks for the laugh.

But if you think you can gain an insight into satanic practices in scrumms, the lechery of loose rucks and mauls and the baths after, you are very much mistaken my friend. I bet you have scabs and are confined to the showers!!!! And only drink ginger beer shandy.

By the way, you're not coming to Llanstock are you?

What about "Away with Rum" the song of the salvation army? No one has listed that yet!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 04:06 PM

Hmmm...it's THIS one:

'John, Chapter 3, Verse 16'

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Which coincidentally reminds me of somethhing that is PROBABLY now a Rugby song, though I've only heard of the Parachute Regiment singing it (as I have posted elsewhere on Mudcat...*G*):

"There is a green hill far away, without a city wall, where our Dear Lord was crucified, He died to save us all

Two, Three, Four....

FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW...." etc....

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:53 PM

Well, I'm curious enough to try & look it up now! *G*

....& you certainly provided plenty of entertainment value in my opinion! *S*

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:49 PM

I dunno what is in that verse. I used it because that is often what people put on signs at various televised sporting events. My comments were for entertainment value given the colorful topic of this thread.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:29 PM

Go on then, what is in 'John, Chapter 3, Verse 16'?

Dunno whether you intended to or not, but you have 'stimulated' some good discussion here, & not particularly with the intention of 'winding people up' I feel....

Perhaps we need various 'classifications' of trolling... from say 'teasing', through 'mildly annoying', & all the way up to 'sociopathic' (& maybe beyond) for the real unfortunate types?

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:12 PM

Paul from hull is correct. I had assumed that my fellow ruggers would start to get wise when John started talking about Zulus and tries, but I guess that too many concussions and shots of T-Dew can slow you down a bit. As someone who has stood on a pitch singing Father Abraham with my shorts pulled down around my ankles, let me say that I actually love the wide collection of songs that you all have listed.

Bless you my children. Now go forth and sin some more...

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 03:00 PM

Apologies for maybe stealing what should rightfully be YOUR line I suppose, Gareth, but all I can say to 'John' (who I strongly suspect to be a troll anyway) is:

"Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the Goalposts of Heaven"

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Nigel.Parsons
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 02:40 PM

Gargoyle (I think it was he, but it's a long way up this thread!!) a suitable tune for Mary Ann would appear to be "The Lambton Worm" which I assume is in the index (Though I haven't checked)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Jeri
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 12:22 PM

"You may laugh and shout gleefully at the sight of a rookie performing a Zulu or enthusiastically participate in spanking the bare buttocks of a birthday boy at a rugby party, but you are crying inside."

Who told John Cleese about Mudcat?

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 12:07 PM

Thankyou for fixing the link who ever did it.As for you John-the true faith is only from your sad perspective, and you are denying the right of jews,hindu's, sihks, buddists, Islamists, Bahi's, jehovah's witnesses and any one else a religion that they may believe in. I don't care who believes what, and normally don't hold it against them unless they expect me to believe what they believe and condem me for believing what I believe. Perhaps you'd like to eradicate anyone who does not go along with your view of the world. I for one am content to live and let live.

Hitler used the idea that the Jews killed Jesus as one of his ideas for the way he treated 6,000,000 jewish believers.
How many thousands or millions of people have died for the fact that they had their god on their side? Or didn't have the right god? How many millions killed by so called christians, let alone any other group?

Like I said I don't normally get caught in this debate, but for you I make an exception.

(My apologies to those of you-I know there are many, (including friendsof mine)who hold their beliefs sacred, and if I am offending you please forgive me since it is not you I am mad at, you are tolerant like most of us and have defended the freedom to express what people say on the Mudcat,even if you disagree. In the same way I defend your right to put your comments in place, but with out insulting each other) but John, you are an arsehole. I played Rugby and shared my life with so many people nearly all of whom I have liked, they have had their faiths and beliefs, they have been of different races and cultures.

Since I have little time to discuss this and it will spoil a good thread on songs that make people laugh,
I will say this. You could have ignored the thread, you need not have insulted the people who added to it with your religious invective.

Perhaps you should try sex instead of wanking-it's more fun to procreate with someone else than on your own (OOh sorry, it's a sin-now I'm in trouble)Try sheep, they can't run away with your wellies on

Perhaps God has a sense of humor after all, which is why he invented jesus.
At least I'm prepared to be judged by my life if it happens, I won't be getting down and preying for forgiveness and having all my sins washed away so that I'm excused anything wrong I have done. I have also not used it as an excuse to harm others because I believe I will be forgiven
By the way, I don't suppose you think Darwin was right do you?Anymore good songs?

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Snuffy
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 10:25 AM

But diamonds are a girls best friend etc etc.

No, Eric, that's the real version. Isn't the rugby version Durex, not diamonds? I'll teach you the reat at Llanstock.

Wassail! V

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 09:25 PM

Sure, mock someone who openly professes the true faith. It is only a sad pathetic attempt to hide your spiritual decay. You may laugh and shout gleefully at the sight of a rookie performing a Zulu or enthusiastically participate in spanking the bare buttocks of a birthday boy at a rugby party, but you are crying inside. You should change your ways. Instead of scoring tries for Satan, you should score them for Jesus Christ.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 08:00 PM

Sorry - the beer must have got to my HTML

The verse should read

The rich man in his Castle,
The poor man at his gate,
God made them high and lowley
Each to thier estate "

Gareth

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 07:28 PM

This is hiding over in another thread - and deserves a little "air time" over here.

Generally I've heard it as an additional banter in between the verses of the "Salvation Army Temperance Song"

Salvation Army, Salvation Army
Put a nickel in the drum
Save another druken bum
Salvation Army, Salvation Army
Put a nickel in the drum
And you'll be saved-
Testimonial, Testimonial!

1. All the girls in my twon wear grass skirts. boo-
But all the guys have lawn-mowers. yeah-

2. All the girls in my town are corks. boo-
But all the guys are corkscrews. yeah-

3. In our town there is only one bar. boo-
but it is a mile long. yeah-

4. All the girls in our town wear masks. boo-
But all the guys have holloweenies. yeah-

5. In our town there are only six bubble dancersBOOOO
But Only two bubblesYEAH

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Gareth
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 07:02 PM

Ah dear - as a former Rugby Plyer, hard drinking Welshman I would beg to suggest that those bible bosuns who complain should look at thier hymnal.

"All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small etc....

Including the verse -

"The rich man in his Castle,
The poor man at his gate, Each to thier estate "

I may add - our Coach, in the youth team I used to play for many years ago, was the local Methodist Minister, one Frank May, he winced at some of the songs, he did not drink the ale, but was a damn fine man, and taught me the straight arm tackle with the verve of any Rhondda prop forward.

Aaaah! Happy days - them is so long ago that metal studs were allowed - I can remember sharpening them up on the cement outside the pavilion before going on field.

One of the reasons I keep a Moustasch is the scars I recieved kicked in the mouth trying to fall on a fly hacked ball - but never mind, we got the sod later in the game !! - He was stretcherd off with bruised testicles. - But we both came out of the Kent and Canterbury Hospital in time to enjoy a pint of five.

Incidently (apart from Cosher Bailey ) One of my favourites and party pieces is this one The Harlot of Jerusalem one of the many versions in circulation.

And having done my bit to promote religious understanding, its good night from

Gareth

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: alanabit
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 06:29 PM

Hasn't anyone posted "The Lady of the Manor" yet? It was always my favourite...

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 05:51 PM

This is funny!!!!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 05:46 PM

And it don't say anything in the bible about Joseph and Mary never having a shag after jesus was born. By the way, My mother is dead-she would be proud of me! I have spent nearly all my adult life (except when shagging, singing dirty songs and having a good ol time) helping those less fortunate than me, for little reward or gain, but because I believe in the good of my fellow man and the need for committed help, not the misplaced concept of going to heaven because I lived the Christian life and feared some god or other who expected me to get down and worship it.-I don't want to get into this, but I, like many, have seen some real (what they think) Christians whom I wouldn't even give to lions, and some proper real humans with no religious beliefs of whom 1 is worth more than 20 so called religious zealots.

So,. A poke with a bloke may be quite incidental
But diamonds are a girls best friend etc etc.

And I'm not too old to play Rugby

And ...Don't forget the Macc Lads

And...
Before you see the splinter in someone elses eye, look at the plank in your own.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 05:25 PM

Thankee kindly sir-I'm a PAGAN,which is much older than other current trends in religion.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 04:55 PM

Erik,

I'll bet your Mother is very proud of you. I would think that someone who is apparently now too old to play ruggy would be mature enough to realize that it is a waste of time and energy to traffic in garbage like that. I would assume that most people on this board (at least the true Christians) are disgusted enough by the rugby songs and have no desire to explore the other genres that you have offered them. Your pseudo-Christian posturings are blasphemous.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 04:14 PM

Sorry "The Macc Lads" ( C's) Try lyrics .com http://lyrics.

Click here
Should be a blue clicky thing ! But probably God has stopped it in his infinate wisdom

---

God didn't zap it, you forgot a bunch of HTML stuff. --JoeClone

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 04:11 PM

Sorry "The Macc Lads" ( C's) Try lyrics .com http://lyrics.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 03:48 PM

John I'm with you, these disgusting songs remind me of when I was younger and played 1st team rugby, Oh how I repenteth my evil doings and would that my tongue could be cut out and trampled on by horn-ed beasts.But now (of course) such evil songs would never cross my angelic lips and foul the veritable air with such utterances of Saxon and Viking derivation.

APART from the rugby songs, some of us who have been educated into the way of heavy metal etc (Of course H/M is a bit like S/M but the pain is in your ears after a real good gig)

Please check out "The Mac lads" Well known purveyers of disgusting lyrics, set to popular songs of the 60's and 70's. They are so disgusting that I have had to go and see them at least 4 times and buy their albums because Allah in his infinate wisdom gave us ears that we should listen and eyes that should see all the "evil that men do" (Iron maiden song)Many of these, I am sure because it says in the bible-Seek and ye shall find, would be good for a folk gig that gets a bit rockish (like Steeleye S and Fairport C etc).

So evil doers check out for these disgusting perverted wrong doers and spread the word so that all men of evil might be dammed and cast into the pit.

ps Blessed are the cheese makers

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:11 AM

Ball Game
Tune: Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Whip it out at the ball game
Wave it round at the crowd
Dip it peanuts and crackerjack
I don't care if you give it a whack
Because it's
Beat your meat at the ball game
If you don't cum it's a shame
It's one, two
And you're covered in goo
At the old ball game

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:10 AM

By the Light
Tune: By the Light of the Silvery Moon

By the light (by the light, by the light),
Of a flickering match,
I saw her snatch,
In the watermelon patch.

By the light (by the light, by the light),
Of a flickering match,
I saw it gleam, I heard her scream,
You are burning my snatch,
With your fucking match.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:10 AM

Bagpipe Song
Tune: Scotland The Brave

* Substitute your Rugby Team for Edinburgh City*

Here's to the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the jockey with his upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the harlot making money in the car lot
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the masher who was posing as a flasher
Hustling customers from the harlot making money in the car lot
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cock
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Then there was the Wenchy doing down-down on a benchy
Making money for the masher who was posing as a flasher
Hustling customers from the harlot making money in the car lot
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.
(BAGPIPE SOUND)

Now the moral of this ditty is that when in Edinburough City
And you're with your favorite girlie chasing hairs all short and curly
To keep her away from the Wenchy doing down-down on a benchy
Making money for the masher who was posing as a flasher
Hustling customers from the harlot making money in the car lot
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey
Who was lifting up her kilty in Edinburgh City.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:09 AM

As I Was Walking
Tune: The Old Hundredth

As I was walking through the wood,
I shat myself, I knew I would.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so I shat myself again.

As I was walking through Saint Pauls,
The vicar grabbed me by the balls.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he grabbed my balls again.

As I was walking through St. Giles,
Some bastard grabbed me by my piles.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
Ad so he grabbed my piles again.

As I was walking down the street,
A whore grabbed me by the meat.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so she grabbed my meat again.

As I lay sleeping in the grass,
Some bastard rammed it up my ass.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he rammed it up again.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Johnl
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 01:38 PM

You could also try "Clementine" to the tune "Bread of Heaven", aka "Cwm Rhondda". I know it's clean, but it's still fun, and you can experiment with male voice harmonies, always a big hit with rugby teams.

Subject: I Used to Work In Chicago
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 05:07 AM

MonkeyBoy - We have Chicago in the DT, but here are some more of the verses you asked about

Chicago
Tune: The Bear Went Over the Mountain

CHORUS:
I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
But I don't work there any more.

A lady came into the hatshop,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Felt," she said, Felt her I did,

A lady came in for a water-bottle,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Rubber," she said, Rub her I did,

A lady came in for a sweater,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Jumper," she said, Jump her I did,

A lady came in for a ticket,
I asked, "Where would you like to go?"
"Bangor," she said, Bang her I did,

A lady came in for some coffee,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Ground," she said, Grind her I did,

A lady came in for a cake,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Layer," she said, Lay her I did,

A lady came in for a down quilt,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Goose," she said, Goose her I did,

A lady came in for some lamp oil,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Whale," she said, Sperm her I did,

A lady came in for some Air Wick,
I asked, "What scent would you like?"
"Mountain," she said, Mount her I did,

A lady came in for a sleeper,
I asked, "What berth would you like?"
"Upper," she said, Up her I did,

A lady came in for some china,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Bone," she said, Bone her I did,

A lady came in for some coffee,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Ground," she said, Grind her I did,

A lady came in for some gin,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Beefeater," she said, Eat her I did,

A woman came in for some service,
I asked, "How fast do you want it?"
"Quick," she said, Prick her I did,

A lady came in for a diskette,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Floppy," she said, Hard drive her I did,

A woman came in for a bath mat,
I asked "What size would you like?"
"Shower," she said, Show her I did,

A woman came in for a power drill,
I asked, "What brand would you like?"
"Black & Decker," she said, Deck her I did,

A lady came in for a drink,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Liquor," she said, Lick her I did,

A lady came in for some Air Wick,
I asked, "What scent would you like?"
"Mountain," she said, Mount her I did,

A lady came in for some dish soap,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Johnson & Johnson," she said, My Johnson she got,

A woman came in for some wood shoes,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Clog," she said, Flog her I did,

A lady came in for a curtain,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Drape," she said, Rape her I did,

AND: a woman came in for a:
doughnut - glazed she wanted. cream filled she got
elevator - my shaft
carpet - laid
spring - BOINGed
screwdriver - screwed
hammer - nailed
T-bone - my boneless round
carpet - pile she wanted, shagged she got
gun - banged
nylons - hosed
floppy disk - my hard drive
metaphysical conversation - fucked
velvet - felt
liquor - lick her I did
bolts - my nuts
sailors - semen
ham - porked
cigarette - camel, humped
plastic - rubbers
plumbing - my pipe
pipe - hosed
stockings - hosing
liquid Plumber -pipes cleaned
canned ham - porked
gift wrapping - packed butter - spread
seafood - lobster , crabs
beer - 6-pack, ate
fabric - silk, felt

ALSO: a man came in for a:
balloon - blown
doughnut - my hole
lollipop - sucked
horse - ridden
carpet - shag he wanted, piles he got
wheels - rimmed
beer - Bush (w/visual aids)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:48 AM

A simple tune known by most, easy to learn, good for Rugby

Favorite Things
Tune: A Few of My Favorite Things

MEN:
Middle and Pinky and Index and Ring,
Throw in the thumb and you've got the whole thing,
It works just fine and it's also quite safe,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dawn breaks,
When I wake up,
And it's feeling hard,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Penthouse and Playboy and something called Forum,
They're what I use to help start something going,
Centerfolds spread-eagled showing me pink,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm lonely,
Really lonely,
By myself again,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

WOMEN:
Dildos and vibrators and Vaseline jelly,
That's what I use to set fires in my belly,
In and out up and down making me wet,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Men are useless,
I don't need them,
I'm the best I've had,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Tight buns, silk undies, and erotic books,
Make me excitedó I'm starting to cook,
I stir me up and the honey will come,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm thinking,
Of a hard cock,
But I don't see one,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:46 AM

Within a previous MC discussion thread from July, 2000 we have a promise from GUEST-John Fineman Click here http://www.mudcat.org/Detail.CFM?messages__Message_ID=265885 for a Vicar/Tart song that never appeared.

Two days later we have a member Joe_F that gives us

Click here

However, here is perhaps the Scottish version (NOT in the DT) Mr. Fineman was searching for:

Monk of Great Renown

Tune: ??? Suggestions?

There was a monk of great renown,
There was a monk of great renown,
There was a monk of great renown,
Who shagged an innocent maid from town.

CHORUS:
The old sod, the sod,
The bugger deserved to die.
Fuck him, shit him -
But first let us pray:
GLORY, GLORY, HALLELUJAH

His brother monks they cried in shame,
So he turned her over and fucked her again.

He met another by the mill,
And fucked and fucked her up the hill.

He met another in the hay,
And put her in the family way.
He took her to the Abbot's bed,
And fucked and fucked till she was dead.

But when the Abbot cried, "Amen,"
He fucked her back to life again.

His brother monks to stop his frolics,
Put a nail through this prick and cut off his ballocks.

And now the moral I will tell,
And now the moral I will tell,
When all the world just feels like hell,
Just fuck and fuck till all is well.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:45 AM

Another that would do well in the Medical Disease Thread,

MONKEY BOY - You may want to drop by the UCLA Medical Hospitol for help on the correct pronunciations.

Medical Love Song

From: Monty Python

Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile,
I've had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while,
I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June,
I ache for you my darling, and I hope you get well soon.

My penile warts, your herped, my syphilitic sores,
Your moenelial infection, how I miss you more and more.
Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox, our lovely gonorrhea,
At least we both were lying, when we said that we were clear.

Our syphilitic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst,
You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist.
Your trichovaginitis sent shivers down my spine,
I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochetes met mine.

CHORUS: Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal ballimitis,
Meningo meylitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididimitis, interstitial keratitis
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior u-ve-i-tis

My clapped out genitalia is not so bad for me,
As the complete and utter failure every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes are the worst he's ever seen,
My scrotum's painted orange and my balls are turning green.

My heart is very tender though my parts are awful raw,
You might have been infected but you never were a bore.
I'm dying of your love my love, I'm you're spirochaetal clown,
I've left my body to science but I'm afraid they've turned it down.

CHORUS: Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal ballimitis,
Meningo meylitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididimitis, intersititial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior u-ve-i-tis.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:42 AM

So many of these would fall very well under the "medical thread" for diseases.

Mary Ann McCarthy
Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic

Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams.
Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams.
Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams,
But she didn't get one son of a bitchin' clam,
All she got was oysters,
All she got was oysters,
All she got was oysters, But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
And all she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
But all she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
But all she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:41 AM

Now I LOVE "Ghost Riders" or at least I did, until a MC discussion led me to understand it was nothing more than "Jonny Comes Marching Home" with a change in tempo. Here is another parody.

GHOST MAGOTS

Tune: Ghostriders in the Sky

The municipal sewerageman stood out upon the rim ('pon the rim, 'pon the rim),
The municipal sewerageman fell in and couldn't swim (couldn't swim, couldn't swim),
He sank down to the bottom,
He sank down like a stone,
You could hear the maggots cryin' out,
"You're on your fuckin' own."

CHORUS:
Shitty-i-ayyy, Shitty-i-ohhh,
Ghost maggots in the overflow (overflow, overflow).

For six long days and weary nights he tried to stay afloat (stay afloat, stay afloat),
But every time he cried for help,
A turd caught in his throat (in his throat, in his throat),
He sank down to the bottom,
He sank down like a rock,
You could hear the maggots,
Munchin' on his cock.

The moral of this story is if you should shovel shit (shovel shit, shovel shit),
Be careful of your footing,
Or you might end up in it (up in it, up in it),
You'll sink down to the bottom, (SLOWLY. . .)
You'll sink down like a stone,
You'll hear the maggots cryin' out,
WHEEEE-AAAAAH-WHEEEE,
"You're on your fuckin' own."