BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!

Subject: BS: Happy belated birthday, Bill Shatner!!!
From: GUEST,She Who Waits...
Date: 08 May 03 - 07:48 PM

I waited in vain for someone on this forum to post a birthday greeting for William Shatner, the sexiest MAN of all time, and no one did! His birthday was back on March 22!

Well, I was so disgusted! What's wrong with you people? I just about gave up looking in here after that, but I come around now and then out of just idle curiosity, I guess. It's sort of like gawking at an auto accident.

So what do I find? An idiotic Happy Birthday thread for that moron "Spaw" or Catspaw49, who has got to be the biggest goof on this entire forum! And it isn't EVEN his real birthday!!!!

Well, I'm not going to stand for it.

William Shatner, who is a living legend in his own time, deserves better than this. So I say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BILL!!! And MANY HAPPY RETURNS!!!

Don't disappoint me by overlooking this occasion next year.

Linda D.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 02 - 10:40 AM

One thing I want to make perfectly clear...I did NOT reopen all these friggin' Shatner threads...much as I admire his Shatness. It was not me.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 17 Jun 02 - 09:53 AM

So all we got to look forward to now is his corsets birthday? All that whalebone! No wonder the buggers are nearing extinction.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 02 - 02:19 PM

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 01:42 AM

Kat and Bill missed "intercourse" by a day.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 27 Mar 02 - 07:42 PM

I just realized that today is Bill's unbirthday!!!! WOW!

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Mar 02 - 07:01 PM

The only person I know who's carrying their years more lightly than Big Bill is me...and maybe Cher.

The only reason I can imagine that you left me out of that statement, LH, is because you're so much older than me.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Mar 02 - 01:28 PM

Yes, he's remarkably well aged. The only person I know who's carrying their years more lightly than Big Bill is me...and maybe Cher. Where Shatner is concerned, the party mever ends!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 27 Mar 02 - 09:43 AM

Sorry I missed the party. Anyone who reaches the age of 2002 has to be going well. I thought that Shatner didn't look a day over 1500 last time I saw him on telly......

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 01:54 AM

My God, man, one of those in mint condition is worth a small fortune around here!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: GUEST,CraigS
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 12:04 AM

I bought the William Shatner album - remaindered in my local Tandy (RadioShack) store, as part of a three for a pound deal - it was very useful when converted to a flowerpot holder, and my friends found a use for the sleeve ( also something to do with pot plants). It was truly awful to listen to, though!

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 11:48 AM

Well, it's the day after here, and what a mess! Still, it was entirely worth it. An alumnus named Ron Cuddlesworth won the Shatner Impersonator contest. He burst into tears on receiving the award, and then hogged the stage for the next half hour, ego-tripping all over the place. I fear he has become mentally unhinged.

The Big Mouth Billy Bass is safely on his way to Spaw's residence in Ohio. We've rigged him to start talking when the package is opened.

There are tribbles scattered all over the place, and there seem to be more of them than I had thought...

The giant tribble disappeared shortly after midnight and is now reported to be perched on the roof of the Orillia Opera House. How it got there is a complete mystery.

The Klingons have doffed their ears and gone home.

All in all, it's been another splendid William Shatner Birthday Bash. See you all next year, same time, same galactic space station, at the WSSBA in beautiful picturesque Orillia, Ontario, Canada...home of the crop circle.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 11:29 AM

LOL!!!!!

Oh my. Now *THIS* is entertainment.

Thanks, Mmario, for the first good chuckle of the day...Overqualified indeed! :D

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: GUEST,Desdemona at work
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 11:07 AM

Aaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhh! I hate to be late to any party, especially one of such earth-shattering importance as THIS one, but my PC has been having temporary psychosis, alas.

Just think of me as popping out of Big Bill's cake---RIGHT NOW!!!!

"Happy Birthday, Mr. Shatner....."

Hard to believe The Man is a year older; he's the same studly uber-man/god he always was....hubba hubba!

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 08:07 AM

Links to the current Trek convention?

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: khandu
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 01:39 AM

We cannot let this auspicious day pass without plugging the movie, "Showtime" which stars the Great Shatner. On TV's "Fox and Friends", Shatner said, speaking of his role in the movie, "I play a character named 'William Shatner'.". Such subtle humor from such a brilliant man!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 11:14 PM

Just below the bottoms of his pant legs, LH.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 11:12 PM

Okay, I heard he's 71 this year, so that would make it March 22, 1931 I guess...

Kirk may be born in Iowa sometime in the future, but William Shatner is Canadian, and like most Canadian males is prodigiously endowed in one respect or another. However, we will not begrudge Riverside, Iowa the enjoyment of sharing some of that reflected starglow.

Carol - Where have you been seeing Big Bill's bare ankles? Inquiring minds want to know.

It's barely an hour till midnight here, and the tension is just incredible! Can't wait till the countdown. In fact, the tension is so extreme that I may not be able to maintain this communication much longer...

Shatner lookalikes are charging all over the place in a frenzy issuing meaningless orders to which no one is responding, the projector is overheating, the Klingons are threatening another outbreak, and there's a McCoy clone and a Spock clone staggering around with each other in a headlock. "Spock" is trying the Vulcan shoulder pinch on "McCoy", but it ain't workin' and...they fell in the swimming pool! "Kirk" dives in to rescue them. "Kirk" #2 dives in to rescue all 3 of them. "Kirks" #3-25 also dive in. It's a pool party.

LH over and out.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Mark Clark
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 10:25 PM

According to the original series, James T. Kirk was (or is to be) born right here in Iowa. The small town of Riverside, Iowa, near here holds an annual celebration. I don't really follow the details so perhaps someone here can supply the date for Kirk's birth.

      - Mark

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 10:19 PM

(btw, gnu, it's because of the size of their intellectual endowments... and how they use them.)

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 10:10 PM

Hey, I ain't gonna' bother showin' up because Shatner ain't coming either. It seems he's had so much trouble with his various rugs, what with people calling him Tribble-Head and all, that he joined the Hair Club for Men. Using an electron microscope they were able to determine that he qualified.........as a man that is. It was a near thing but close scrutiny was able to show that he did possess some male equipment although the word "tiny" doesn't begin to explain it.

Sadly they transplanted hair from his ass to his head and though it did grow well, it soon became apparent that now no one could tell his face from his ass and he is currently in therapy because an overly ambitious nurse stuck a Fleet Enema down his throat.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 10:09 PM

Yeah, Don Johnson was good at the bare ankle routine...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 09:17 PM

I'm giving him a pair of socks for his birthday. I'm getting tired of looking at his bare ankles. Some people can pull off that look, but not Mr. Bill, I'm afraid.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 08:35 PM

Hmmmmm...well, yeah, what the hell, why not? Was Lorne Greene in that show?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 08:08 PM

well, I dunno Hawk...can I wear my red satin pyjamas with the Battlestar Galactica logo?

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 07:29 PM

Now, Art, don't be coy...No one could be that immune to the Shatner mystique.

However, if you really want to be interned at Guantanamo Bay, I should think it can easily be done. Convert to Islam, join Al-Queda, and attack any piece of American property just about anywhere in the world. The Pentagon will do the rest!

But come now, Art, why not go for something truly exciting, and attend the Birthday Bash? I am happy to report that order has been somewhat restored at this point, with only a few hurt feelings and the loss of some pointed ears (one of them ended up in my pudding somehow). These yoyos who make themselves up as Klingons always feel that they've got to have "attitude", but we've got them settled down now. We're gonna have a vote of hands on the best Shatner impressions and imitations shortly.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 07:11 PM

Do I have to go? Couldn't I arrange to be interned at Guantanamo Bay instead?

William Shatner...was he the one in "Spaced Invaders" or the hero in "Galaxy Quest"? No, couldn't be that guy...he was too good an actor. Maybe Shatner's the dude in the plaid sportcoat and white shoes that MCs the jiggle flicks on the late late late show. Sorry, just can't place him...he couldn't have been too memorable.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 06:40 PM

Uh, it was actually was CarolC who posted the first advisory of the great-spaced-out-one's b'day. She's got a fetish for Canucks, though I can't understand why, except in the case of BillyBob, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: khandu
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 06:25 PM

Yes, yes...The Great One's Birthday! Why, oh why, has it not yet become a National Holiday?

And there is also the GREATEST WEB SITE EVER!!! All are invited to visit, peruse and learn what makes the Great One so Great.

For those un-named (Ohian)disrespecters of Mr. Shatner, let me give you food for thought...Had the Great One never been born, we would all sit around and wonder why!

Truly, there is no greater man on this earth!

Thanks be to L.H. for reminding the rest of you of W.S.'s birthday!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 06:13 PM

refresh

Art

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 06:01 PM

Actually, Mario, the Great Man is not here. We begged, we pleaded, we threatened to reveal embarrassing personal information, we even offered money! But Mr. Shatner is "otherwise engaged", no doubt saving the galaxy again in some phaser-blasted sector of deep space...or getting comfortable with some alien queen somewhere. You know our Bill. Clinton was a mere wannabe.

I suspect we did not offer him enough money. Maybe next year...(sigh)

However, we have the next best thing...Shatner impersonators...and some of them are REALLY good! So throw all the tribbles you want.

Tribbles are good for throwing, they bounce nicely, and no one gets hurt, although the tribbles do squeak a lot when you throw them...they're sort of like guinea pigs without legs...excitable but relaxed at the same time. They don't come when you call them, but that's okay, cos they don't really go away either. They just hang out and wiggle and squeak now and then. They would probably be a great source of food in time of famine.

Things are getting pretty catty around here, because the Shatner imitators are all trying to outdo each other and make off with all the nymphets. I think this situation may soon get seriously out of hand. Evidently our indoctrination courses have been a little too successful.

Some morons came in dressed as Klingons (as usual) and they are making disparaging remarks about the Enterprise to "Scotty" (our Dean...he looks just like the chief engineer)...

Oh, Christ! There goes the punch bowl. Geez...

Be right back!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: MMario
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 04:07 PM

Where are the bats for bashing him? Were we suppossed to bring our own?

Can we throw tribbles at him instead? It nowhere near as satisfying - but at least they would then be serving a useful purpose.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: sophocleese
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 04:04 PM

That *&%$#!!! Tribble BIT me!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 03:27 PM

What about the pony rides ? Surely there must be pony rides ?

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: sophocleese
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 01:40 PM

I'm sorry Little Hawk but I keep missing seeing the scantily clad space nymphlets in this snow squall. Can we hold William (may he grace our televisions through eternity) Shatner's birthday celebration in the summer next year.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 01:20 PM

ROTFLMAO

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 01:06 PM

Oh, man..."Mudd's Women" is onscreen now. This has got to be the tackiest episode ever. People are hooting, and throwing pompoms at the screen! The person next to me is giggling obscenely...too much Romulan ale, obviously.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Dave Swan
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 12:58 PM

Spaw's got the Ohio version of a tribble. A squirrel's tail and a hair dryer.

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 12:53 PM

Ha! That's not easy either... :-) Did I mention that the giant tribble squeaks when you poke it? Did I mention that it also wiggles? I'd hate to tell you what it cost to install that "wiggle" feature...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: MMario
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 12:46 PM

it's true! Ever since the day my application to the WSSBA was returned stamped "Overqualified"

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 12:40 PM

Those kind of insensitive remarks are usually uttered by people who go green with envy every time they think of William Shatner's manly bearing and scintillating style.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: MMario
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 12:32 PM

Is he still alive? I saw a commercial the other day and could have sworn he was dead.

Subject: William Shatner 2002 Birthday Bash!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 12:29 PM

Yes, people, it is March 22nd, and you know what that means! It's William Shatner's birthday! On this most auspicious day of the year there will be a gala celebration at the WSSBA in beautiful Orillia, Ontario, Canada.

In fact, the festivities have already begun! Scantily clad space nymphets in revealing tights are waiting to ply you with Romulan ale while you view reruns of every single episode of Star Trek that ever featured our beloved Bill, the Big Kahuna of intergalactic space heroes. That's a whole lotta episodes, folks....

Thrill to Shatner's voice intoning the famous intro "These are the voyages...To boldly go...etc." issuing at regular intervals over our sound systems. Thrill to Dr. McCoy's voice saying "He's dead, Jim." over and over again. Thrill to Spock's voice saying "Illogical." Thrill again to Spock's voice saying "Fascinating!"

Everyone is invited...except Spaw. He's still "in bad odour" around here because of certain uncalled for remarks he's made in the past regarding William Shatner, so too bad, Spaw, yer just gonna have to sit down there in Ohio and sulk! (We did find a Big Mouth Billy Bass in Orillia to send you though, as a consolation for missing out on this event. It was on display at a local fish and chips restaurant. The owner had removed the batteries for some reason, so it wasn't working, but we persuaded him to donate the fish to the WSSBA...he seemed strangely eager to part with it, in fact...and we have installed new batteries...and it works! Expect to receive it in the mail shortly.)

I should mention that there is a "tribble room" at the Shatner Birthday Bash where you can go and be up to your neck in delightful, furry little tribble replicas (sort of like beanie babies, but without the beans). We also have a giant tribble mounted on the cenotaph at the main entrance. It's the size of a large rhinoceros. If you poke it, it squeaks.

Come one, come all!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BILL! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BILL! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILL SHATNER....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BILL!!!

- LH

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