BS: Department of Cranky Women???

Subject: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:20 PM

Word back here in the hller is that Barack Obama is considering the establishment of a Department of Cranky Women...

Well, after a couple recent skirmishes with a couple of what I considered to be purdy level headed women here in Mudburg I think the time is right...

Whaddayathink???

And if yer on board then any suggestions for Scretary of Cranky Women???

B~

(Yer gonna get it now, Boberdz...)

Hey, who cares... I've had lots of experience...

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: gnu
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:21 PM

Yer pushin yer luck buck.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: gnu
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:24 PM

Lots of experience... crankin up women? And some a them there suckup type lads?

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:25 PM

I'm allowed, nu-z... I spent the day driving the P-Vine from one place to another to do women stuff... Even got in yet another line at the grocery store where, not one, but two cranky women were not prepared to pay for their groceries and held the line up...

Like I siad, I have lots of experience... You might even call me a field tested veteran...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:27 PM

Bobert, I'll go along with it if there's also a Department of Cranky Old Farts.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:28 PM

They've been cranking out old farts in there for years.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:33 PM

No way, jose', Rap...

Old farts ain't even in the same league with cranky women... Like comparing apples and stopped up cataractic convertors...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:36 PM

Cranky women are formidable, no doubt about it. I would advise you, Bobert, to back away slowly, not making eye contact. When you feel that you are at a relatively safe distance to make your escape, turn and run like hell!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:39 PM

Yer makin' me feel cranky, Bobie. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:41 PM

Would that include nude (playboy variety) cranky woman, or exclusively Cranky women "all dressed".

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:43 PM

Funny thing--a lass in deshabille is TWICE as stunning when she is all-fired cranky.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:50 PM

Why Are Women Cranky?
We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John.

Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze.

When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the shopping, and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the obstetrician says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or10) good push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb. bowling ball through a keyhole After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poopmachines.

The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's, while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place).

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT (hormones) and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake:

Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks ...

Now I love being a woman, but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby.

Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:54 PM

BTW, not sure of the orginal source of the previous post, "Why Are Women Cranky"? It is not me:)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Sorcha
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:58 PM

Just more crap.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 06:59 PM

Now wait... I didn't say they were weaker... Just crankier... It a proven fact... I mean, if that weren't so then why would 200 pound guys cower from 120 pound womenz??? Huh??? Answer me that one...

Sorry, Eb, but you ain't a cranky womenz... You is sweet... You is smart... Okay, you can be cranky but not in that way... Just forcefull when the time arrises... That's a good thing but the bad news is that you ain't in the running for Scretary of Ctanky Womenz... Sorry... No, I'm not...

The cranky womens here in Mudville know who they are and should be dusting off their resumes...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 07:05 PM

Give me cranky old women over teenage girls anyday.

Now THEY are MEAN!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 07:49 PM

LOL The past few days at work have been more than a bit stressful. My new supervisor came over to me for the fourth time today to see how a critical project was getting on.
Now my day started with a the pop-up from hell that popped up every single time I clicked my mouse. After numerous re-boots, tech service came by and cleaned up the mess left by some asshole who had opened the Hallmark virus.
Then Outlook went wacko and refused to attach attachments bringing back the tech guy who gave up, re-installed Outlook and still couldn't get the bloody thing to work. When it was all finally sorted out (and I was gently assured by the terrified techie that none of it was my doing) along comes my boss.
He asked "What are you doing now?" in a mildly irritated voice because his boss was on his case. Without missing a beat I loudly said "The same shit you had me doing this morning. I'm crankly. Go away!" He laughed out loud and left while everyone else sat stunned.
I am cranky enough to bite the heads off kittens! Be afraid, Bobert, be very afraid.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: meself
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 07:58 PM

Did you really say, "I'm crankly"? No wonder he laughed!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 07:59 PM

Ed, that made me laugh out loud. Of course, it's over the top, but there have been Those Days!**BG**

Bobert, yer cruisin' for a bruisin'...best you let this go if you know what's good for you!

katnotcrankybutcouldbe:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 08:09 PM

I said CRANKY. Come over here and I'll prove it!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 08:24 PM

Well, hale, Sins... I'm sorry you had such a crappy day but here's the bad news... You ain't in the runnin' for that cabinet position... Okay, maybe a few more days like today and you might be but as of now yer outta the runnin'...

Okay, Kat... I've seen you cranky... Most of the time it was well deserved and, geeze, yer outta the runnin', too...

Where are the real cranky womenz here in Mudville??? They know who they are... And we do, too...

Hey, this is a bonified cabinet position working with Barack Obama... Come on down...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Janie
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 08:32 PM

WHO YOU CALLIN' CRANKY!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 08:35 PM

Not you, Janie Sweety Honey...

That thing loaded???

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 08:36 PM

Cranky women are a vital economic force. You see, a man's natural response to female crankiness is to go someplace else and do anything that doesn't involve cranky women. If there were no cranky women, all those Bass-Pro shops would go bankrupt. Golf courses would revert to cow pastures. And we won't even mention bars, particularly the types that feature uncranky women wearing remarkably few clothes.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: ranger1
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 08:40 PM

ROFLMAO! The ads at the bottom currently are: Men Wearing Lingerie and Women With Bras.

And DON'T crank SINSULL up or talk to her before her morning coffee. Trust me!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 08:42 PM

Yer on to somethin', Beezer...

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 08:44 PM

A Cranky Womaen is VERY useful on a Tandem (a Bicycle made for Two)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 11:24 PM

I think that Scottish women can be the crankiest of all, and I base that on things I have heard Megan relay from her Granny Dom, such as how her sweet Granny intends to "skelp" my "bahookie" and do terrible things to my "lugs" as well. That goes beyond mere crankiness, as far as I'm concerned, and verges on homicidal mania. I have managed to avoid visiting Scotland for my entire adult life, and I think it may be a good thing I did that.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 01:07 AM

Yep....no doubt about it, we can be cranky. And damn proud of it too. You got a problem with that?

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 01:12 AM

Who, me? Nope. No problem at all. Not me. Uh-uh. No, ma'am. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Ebbie
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 01:42 AM

lol Thanks for the giggles.

Now back to the serious stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 04:04 AM

Come over here and say that to our faces Bobert and Little Hawk. MeganL and I will show you cranky that'll put you in the hospital for a month...

Bee-Dubya-ell has it right. If it wasn't for women doing impressions of Mount St Helen or Old Faithful, you men wouldn't get anything done. Leastways, not done properly.

LTS - who is so cranky today that she decided it was safer for all if she stayed at home!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 07:54 AM

I'd be expectin' a call from Obama's people, LtS...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 08:45 AM

So today starts with some fool hillbilly telling me I ain't qualified BEFORE my first cup of coffee.

An aside - did you see where a McCain aide referred to the Palins as the Wasilla Hillbillies raiding Sak's and Neiman Marcus?

Definitely no conflict there.

Speaking of conflict - BOBERT! CELLAR!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 08:45 AM

But if I have to nominate someone it has to be Jacqui. You haven't seen cranky until you have seen Jacqui pissed off. Even Kendall cringes. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 08:53 AM

LOL - Moi? I'm a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day



































So long as you don't piss me off!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: maeve
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 09:12 AM

Hmmm... I have an hand-cranked garden chipper, one ice cream crank, one bread-kneader crank, a cider press crank, a coffee grinder crank, 2 food grinder cranks, and a grain mill/flour mill crank. At least two certifiably cranky friends have already posted here. I have been known to crank out a poem from time to time.

I guess that means I'm cranky too, eh Bobert?

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 09:33 AM

JAcqui? Cranky?? A Cranky Jacqui? SHe's become a Cranky Yankee Jacqui?? I don't believe it for a minute. Nahhh. SHe's a ray of sunshine. A little dollop of divine light dancing on the stage of creation. A bluebird of fine temperament, a mountain flower of SPring-like attributes. Cranky? Nahhhhhh.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 09:35 AM

I love you Amos!

See, SINSULL, you old bat - NO WAY am I cranky! Amos said so!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 09:55 AM

Real Cranks

¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Megan L
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 09:58 AM

"Bite the heads of Kittens" Heck Sinusull lassie you are no prcticin near hard enough the other day a lion roared at me i was just a tad cranky(It being that time) so i shoved ma hand doon its thrapple grabbed its tail and pulled. that'll learn onythin wie dang bits no tae growl at me .

How in the blue blazes did i get mentioned in this thread onyweys ahm sic a quiet mild mannered we soul so I am.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 10:02 AM

Come on, Amos... Don't be wussy... Thems things ya' said about Jacqui ain't what you were sayin' at the Getaway... Fess up, son... The truth will set you free...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: bfdk
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 10:53 AM

Yer sich a braw laddie, LH. Tak tent, thon Meg wid gladly punch yer ticket twice.

Meg, dear, your capacity for crankiness is just ever so slightly surpassed by your capacity for fibbing.

*dives for cover

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 11:07 AM

Hmmmmmmm.............

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 11:45 AM

Bobert, ya shouldn't be drinking all that Iron City before you post, man!! It makes for delusory assertions of deeply reprehensible charactyer!! Yeah, you!! :D

Pay him no mind, m'dear. He wouldn't know a ray of sunshine if it bit him on the ass.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Tinker
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 11:57 AM

Cranky ? Ask the guys in my house what happens when mom has had enough of the over abundant testosterone that flows through the house....

It's enough to get a teengae boy to clean the bathroom without beeing asked....

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Becca72
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 12:12 PM

I'm OK now, but the other day at work I was so cranky I gave myself a time out. Walked into my supervisor's office and told her I had a bad attitude and I was goin' for a walk.
S'not my fault I get cranky...I'm a woman AND I inherited Kendall's temper...

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 12:18 PM

Now wait a minute here, Bec... No reason to drag poor ol' Kendell into a cranky woman thread...

(He is married to jacqui, Boberdz???)

Oh, nevermind... I'm beginning to get a tad cranky my ownself...

B;~(

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 12:37 PM

Trust me - you want to see cranky, come to our house when the Cap'n loses something or when sport is on instead of 60 minutes.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 01:28 PM

Or I interrupt him when he's speaking
Or when the guy at Ace recommends a way to tighten the screws in a chair
Or...the ultimate...when the remote goes walkies.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 02:22 PM

How can you be so cruel to such a sweet old man?

¦¬]

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 02:26 PM

Those Morses must have a full time PR department, seein' the way we rally 'round at the slightest hint of disrespect!! LOL! You guys aren't coaching that wonderful Obama feller, by any chance?



A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Becca72
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 03:27 PM

Or when something isn't going right fixing the car
Or when someone closes the door he just opened
Or when your cell phone rings

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 03:28 PM

It's clear to me that the Secretary of Cranky Women just has to be a man.

That's how you keep 'em cranky!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 06:14 PM

This may explain why some men give "the anger-finger" while driving while few women do likewise?

http://www.livescience.com/health/050203_finger_length.html

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: ranger1
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 06:18 PM

Or when we took the entire dryer apart and discovered we only needed to remove one panel in the back...

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 06:26 PM

Oh Tami! Hush my mouth.

XG

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Becca72
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 07:12 PM

LOL Tami..or like when he took the door panel off my driver's side door only to discover another door panel under it....

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 07:22 PM

Ooo! LEak!! Leak!!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: MAG
Date: 14 Nov 08 - 09:52 PM

Kendall's a Down Easter; he's entitled. Something to think about before you move there.

(My Dad was one; amazing numbers of them really are like that.)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 09:19 AM

I have thought over this thread very carefully and concluded that Bobert is confusing cranky with nasty.
Cranky women are bitchy and it is a temporary condition brought on by hormones and men. It is an endearing trait which amuses most people.
Nasty women are hopelessly mean-spirited. The world revolves around them and their priorities. Disagree with them and the never-ending rant begins followed by why is everyone picking on me. They are not amusing.

All of Kendall's "groupies" fall into the former category so I suggest that you put Kendall in charge of the Department of Cranky Women and watch him wind us all up.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 09:27 AM

So, Ed T, size does matter after all.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 09:34 AM

Yeah, Sins, Kendall may just be the right person for the job and I'm sure Barack will let him hang his harpoon on the wall behind his new desk just in case things get outta hand with a nasty woman who needs a little attitude adjustment... I understand that harpoons are excellent tools for such situations...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: kendall
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 04:27 PM

"If nominated I will decline. If elected, I will not serve".




















Fuck off

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: bfdk
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 04:43 PM

He does sound like the perfect candidate, doesn't he?

Kendall, you've got my vote. I'll even consider becoming cranky just so I may join your 'harem' :o))

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: gnu
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 04:47 PM

Now. There is an election platform in fine form! Sounds like a write in candidate to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 04:52 PM

Be afraid Cap'n, be very afraid.

XG

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 05:04 PM

Yeah, if I had any doubts before they have been erased... Better stay by the phone, Capt'n...

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 05:32 PM

Can I hold his coat????? The leather one??????

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: bfdk
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 05:44 PM

Sins, what is it with you and leather - and banjos?

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 05:53 PM

Old Leather Britches

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 06:53 PM

There is a magnet on my fridge with a picture of a grumpy old teddy bear, the caption underneath says "Piss me off and suffer the consequences". I bought it. It's been there for over ten years. It's not going anywhere.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Nov 08 - 07:18 PM

If you feel it, why not let the world know?


http://www.stickergiant.com/A-Pissed-Off-Woman_y4396.html

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: kendall
Date: 16 Nov 08 - 11:19 AM

Actually, I'm a SNAG. (Sensitive new age guy) but don't spread it around.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 08 - 01:31 PM

Shhh! Kendall, don't be blowing your shore story now!!!! You have any idea how much effort has been invested in your PR profile?



A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Nov 08 - 07:44 PM

Shirley MacLaine is definitely on the inside track. I've known that for years.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Gurney
Date: 16 Nov 08 - 10:13 PM

You blokes are barmy! Why don't you go to the zoo and throw stones at the Rhino?
They only remember things for a couple of days, and you can make friends again with a couple of cabbages.


Kendal, you are the only one with the sense to come in out of the rain. Even if you do claim to be a SNAG.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Nov 08 - 11:54 PM

I wouldn't have the job. I can't deal with a truly cranky woman. Most things I've read on this thread are mild by comparison to a real woman in Monster Crank Mode. MCM thankfully may not occur often but I think most men are like myself and when confronted with MCM, completely dissemble like Jackie Gleason when Audrey Meadows nailed him.....Remember that "Homina-Homina-Homina" bit he did with looks of fear on his face.   That's the least of it.

Last Saturday morning Karen arrived home from work about 10 AM. We've both been on a diet for two weeks and were going to the grocery store after checking the new list. Tris came along and Michael wisely slept on (and on and on). For reasons I can no longer recall or fathom we decided to make a couple of other stops first. By the time we got to the store, it was about 3 and the damn place was crowded.....unusual for a Saturday during football season in Central Ohio. Karen is really waning quickly by this point and even her carry along cup of Tim Horton's coffee was having no effect. We reached the check-out with two carts about 3:30.

Now let me set the whole thing up so you can see it coming and happening. Karen is the world's best partner and my best friend. Why she married me or tolerates me is a total mystery. She could have done much better especially perhaps by marrying some guy who didn't develop multitudinous health issues. She has a job with heavy responsibility (Senior Lead Tech-runs the night shift in a large hospital pathology lab) and drives almost an hour each way. She has just finished two weeks of a short staff where she has worked 60 plus hours each week and is now coming off a 14 hour shift, has been up 24 hours and had only 4 hours sleep the day before. Additionally we had weighed before we left and while I lost 11 pounds in two weeks, she had lost 2. Are you ready?

Tris is trying to be his helpful self but that often involves saying, "Son, don't help anymore than you absolutely have to." He's trying to unload a cart and Karen is trying to move him along so we can get the other one unloaded as well. She sets her Tim's coffee down and within probaly 10 seconds, she turns at something going on in line and hits the coffee, spilling it on the grocery belt.....it was a LOT of coffee. She takes a couple of steps back. Coffee is everywhere......She whirls in my direction and I went right into the Homina routine as soon as I saw the look her face. Her body was ramrod straight. I was confronting a HUGE MCM.

The male part in this runs something like, "It's okay Honey....No big deal" or some other lame-ass thing that is so feeble it has less than no power to soothe the savage. Karen's eyes are burning with fire and I swear there were lightning bolts laden with tungsten that shot out and burned through my eyes and skull leaving a molten path as they exited the back of my head. Some strange force seems to be emanating from every pore turning me into a quaking Homina speaker. Both my nuts fell off. And in a voice as cold as ice with an edge like a razor and strong as steel......sort of Guillotine-like come to think of it......she announced, "I AM GOING TO THE CAR."

She did.

I retrieved my balls and put them in my coat for reattachment in the future and began to help clean up and get the check out done. It took a few minutes but soon the line was back in business and Tris and I headed to the car, he joyously and myself with the fear of a man about to enter a den of rattlesnakes. Karen faced straight forward as I attempted to make a bit of an apology for whatever ta' hell it was I'd done. "Let's just go home.".........Every man who has heard these four words, brittle and cold, knows there is no "just" to it and deep shit awaits.

I stopped into Tim Horton's and got her another coffee She sorta' grinned which brought out the real Karen for a moment and we began to talk about things and soon she felt better but I treaded lightly til I had served up supper and tucked her in bed.....or actually in her recliner where she dropped right after eating.

This is not a fault in any woman, especially certain women like Karen. They are kind and loving and able to cope with damn near anything 99% of the time...maybe more. These were the women placed here to partner up with Jackasses like Kendall and myself and Bobertz and Bill.......No one could have a better partner and friend than I do and I suspect those other guys feel the same way about their "buddies" as well. I dunno' why she married me or how she puts up with me and if the very rare but very huge MCM appears at times, then its damn little price to pay.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bert
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 02:50 AM

Not at Mudcat Bobert. All the Mudcat women are wonderful.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 04:11 AM

Now there are two men who know exactly what to say/do to their ladies... any chance you could start a training course?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 05:15 AM

Nope

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: kendall
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 07:47 AM

Every once in a while I enjoy a spirited "mad on". They cleanse the blood and calm the nerves. This one, however, has this way of dealing with my cranky moods by being able to see the humor, and there goes that rant. taint fair.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: maeve
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 07:52 AM

Oh, how ye suffer, Kendall!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 08:13 AM

I am always intimidated by Kendall's "mad ons". Me and Seamus try to be as small and quiet as possible. Jacqui takes him on full force. Interesting to watch...from a distance.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 08:29 AM

Think of him as being like someone who hasn't had their first coffee of the morning Sins.

XG

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 09:21 AM

LOL!!

SPaw, that was a touching and beautifully written piece o' work.

It is much to your credit if that's an example of your worst MCM encounters. I useta do things that were much stupider than "letting" my wife spill her coffee. In consequence, over the years, I have seen MCMs I would not even want to recall!! But gradually, I have learned how to deal with things in amore responsible manner, much like a schnauzer who finally learns not to chew the bedspread or the slippers. Woof.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 02:21 PM

MCMs are among life's most terrifying moments, no doubt about it. It all goes to those early experiences with Mom. (virtually) Every man basically wants to please women and make them happy...but when they get really angry, well, it can just freeze your blood.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: CarolC
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 03:02 PM

I agree that most men basically want to please women and make them happy. About half the time. The other half of the time, they want to poke them with sticks and watch them jump.

(I realize that can be taken at least two ways. I am referring in this case, however, to the meaning that hasn't got anything to do with sex.)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 04:02 PM

I don't follow you on that, Carol. (?)

I have basically 2 attitudes toward women:

1. Most of them I have no special reaction to at all...they're just other human beings out there and I deal with them about the same as I would with other men, that is, I'm polite, I try to get along and be courteous, I make a bit of conversation if it seems appropriate, I do business with them if I need to, whatever. Neutral reaction, in other words.

2. A few of them, however, I find quite attractive. Those I either observe quietly without further ramifications (they're probably unaware of me doing so) or a few of them I might interact with some, in which case I definitely want to please them and make them happy.

Now then, one may end up in a "relationship" with a woman. It's been known to happen. ;-D Then things get kind of complicated, and what may ensue all depends on the particular psychological needs of the two people involved. Anything can happen. I wouldn't even attempt to sum it up in anything under 100,000 words. (grin)

Anyway, there are undoubtedly some men who want to "poke them (women) with sticks and watch them jump", but I'm not one of them. I always got the impression that women were basically in command, ever since about age 7. They make men jump, in my opinion.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: CarolC
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 04:41 PM

The idea of jumping out from behind a door and saying BOO! to Wynona Ryder isn't even the tiniest bit enticing?

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 04:43 PM

"I dunno' why she married me or how she puts up with me and if the very rare but very huge MCM appears at times, then its damn little price to pay."

Heck, I know why she married you Spaw! :0)

Awwwwwwwwww....

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 04:44 PM

Well, if we're talking sheer fantasy....yeah. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 05:03 PM

Well, Spawz, count yerself lucky... Every time to Martins Food Store with the P-Vine is cause for MCM but usally with the people in line or the poor check out girl... I know it's gonna happen so I just stay the heck outta the way and wait her out...

Ya' see, the check out line for the P-Vine is her saopbox... She fumes about the cost of sweet potatoes, the state of youth these days, Republicans, the way ya' kind find cotton nightgowns and just about any other thing that is buggin' her... And let one person acknowldge her be either agreein' or disagreein' and out comes a higher level of MCM... Then fir her grand finale' she always, like in 100% of the time, has to complain about the credit/debit card swiper... The MCM goes on from the time she gets in line until the check out girl musters up a couragous "Thank you, ma'am"...

Then the P-Vine fusses all the way to car about whatever she was fussin' about in the check out line, critiques veryone who was in the line with her, ctiticizes the way I pack the car... "Put ther frozen stuff in the bottom of the cooler"... Like I don't know that???

Then she gets into the car... I sneak in the driver's door, start the car and no matter when I put it in gear to leave get the usaul, "What's your hurry???" to which I do no respond but strat driving home... 5 minutes later she is back to being her sweet, loving, perky self and all is well until the next dreaded trip to Martin's Food Store...

Yeah, I know what yer thinkin', Sapwzer... "Well, try another food store, Boberdz"... First of all, suggestin' any food store but Martins is like lighting the MCM fuse 'cause, other than Costco, she won't go anywhere else... "Prices are too high and they sell old produce"... Like how would she know if she has never set foot in any of them??? But, secondly, I think she has such a long history of MCM episodes at Martin's I think she just feel comfy having her little meltdowns there...

See, this is why I really don't unnersatnd the womanz race... I mean, I can screw up all I want 'round the farm... I can go days without shavin'... I can play outta my geetar outta tune... I can fart, scratch, pick my nose and occasionally leave my underwear on the floor... You know, all the fun men stuff and she is just as nice and sweet as a womanz can be...

But Martin's Food Store???

How do you spell, MCM???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 05:13 PM

Perhaps it is a "sick" building? She may be allergic to the place. If so, you can sue them for damages! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 06:12 PM

Nah, LH....

They had a Martin's back in Wes Ginny... Same thing...

Actually, there is part of this that is kinda funny... This Martin's hires a couple of mentally challenged young men to bag and collect carts and there is one who seems to get a lot of pleasure outta the P-Vine so he pushed the other one outta the way just to watch and listen to her... I'm not sure it means anything to him but she does get quite theatrical... Purdy entertaining, I guess, if yer mentally challenged... I don't think the chek out gals are quite as entertained, especially since she tends to accuse them of being in part of the 88-cents-per-pound-sweet-potato-conspiracy...

"Farmers had 'um 4 pounds for a dollar... What are ya'll doin' here???"...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 08:45 PM

Hey, Bobert, somebody's gotta push back!! Jes' count yourself lucky she's willing to step up and do it fer you!!



A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 09:03 PM

Yeah, stop here before next Getaway an' you take her to Martin's Food Store...

Easy to talk when yer, ahhhhh, 5 ot 6,000 miles from here... I mean, let's get real here... Let's do a little Wse Ginny Rithmatizin'... Here's the question:

Like ya' need like 6 pounds of sweet taters and one store has 'um $1 fir 4 pounds and the other store has 'um fir 88 cents a pound... But the first store is sold out... Now this is what we call a Wes Ginny "trinomial equation"... That's where ya' have a third variable and in this case it's a friggin' plant sale 100 miles away... You followin' this one, buddy??? Well, if gas is $2.00 a gallon and ya' gotta take the P-Vine to lunch, another $20.00 to go to the plant sale and she spends $125 fir $175 worth of plants then what the big deal about payin' 88 cents a pound fir 6 pounds of sweet potatoes???

There, answer me that one if ya can...

Like I said, you take her to Martin's... No, make that, "I dare you to take her to Martin's!!!"

I mean, I love's ya, Amos, but you ain't done the math here...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 09:10 PM

Hey, amigo, you bet!! Soon's I retire and start traveling, I'll be by there and me and P-Vine are going shopping for sweet potaters. Yes sir!! I looks forward to it!!! (See, I have a secret advantage -- I never dragged her through two states named Virginia and made her buy an old hotel, either...).

A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: CarolC
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 09:29 PM

Then on the other hand, there's my sweetie who somehow manages to find ways to please me and make me jump all at the same time. ;-P

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 09:31 PM

Wow, glad to hear that she bought the old hotel... Maybe I'll go tell her that seein' as tomorrow someone, which was gonna be me, is gonna have to squeeze thru an 18 inch hole down under it run about 50 feet of water line in a crawl space no bigger than one can belly thru and that seein' as she bought the hotel that it might as well be her...

Amos, Amos, Amos??? You got too close to the smoke tonight, ol' buddy... Way to close...

But, yeah, sniff... I did the rst of them things but that ain't no excise git the ol' gal to be a nut, is it???

Okay, leave that question alone, too...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Amos
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 10:08 PM

ROFLMAO. Well, all right, I never did see the papers. I figgered it was joint property, but, what do I know? I'm from California, where you can be slapped for messing with joint property if you spit on the sidewalk or throw away a ripped pair of strainers. So go on and dig on down there, Mister Bobez. All I can say is (1) thank the lord your bony butt is as skinny as it is (18.5 inches, to be exact) and (2) you damn well better string that pipe right--'cuz if it breaks down while you're still alive, you know who they're gonna send down there into the flood to patch it up.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Nov 08 - 11:16 PM

You need a well-trained dachshund for that job, Bobert. They'll do anything for food. Trust me. Just put 20 pounds of sausages at the far end of the crawl space, the dachshund at the near end with the water line tied to him, let him get a whiff of them sausages, and Bob's yer Uncle!

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: kendall
Date: 18 Nov 08 - 06:46 AM

My ex and I are good friends now, but back then it was a different story. Fire and TNT. poor match.

I recently asked her if she was as hard to get along with as she was when we were together, and I was surprised at her answer"

"I'm even harder now because I can be. You didn't put up with my crap."

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Nov 08 - 07:51 AM

I like that, Kendall...

Think, seein' as this is the P-Vine's birthday, that I'll just announce to her that for a birthday prezzie I'll just quit puttin' up with her crap!!!"

Whaddyathink???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: jacqui.c
Date: 18 Nov 08 - 08:48 AM

Not a good idea Bobert. You'd be better off coming face to face with that bear.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 18 Nov 08 - 09:30 AM

You won't be around to buy her a present, next time she has a birthday Bobert. That's for sure.
XG

[if you do that]

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: ranger1
Date: 18 Nov 08 - 11:31 AM

Yeah, well, my curly-haired J-boy could tell you all a little something about cranky women. Silly boy offered me a can of soup when I said I wanted mac and cheese. This was after working a ten hour day because some stupid girls decided to hang out on the trails until almost two hours after closing time at the park and I had just started the first steps of getting a search and rescue organized - two hours after sunset is considered beyond a reasonable time for someone to have left and I have to assume they are seriously lost or injured. It was cold, dark, my feet were wet and I have no access to indoor plumbing at the park and I had to pee. I was cranky to begin with and I DID NOT want a stupid can of soup!!! He really should know better after 10 years that carbohydrates and cheese are what soothes the savage beast, not soup!

Oh, and he did survive the experience.

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: bfdk
Date: 18 Nov 08 - 11:43 AM

Hmmmm... to where do we send the 'Get Well Soon' cards, Tami? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 18 Nov 08 - 11:57 AM

And so, the Secretary of The Department of 'Cranky But Gorgeous Women' gathered her Gals around her to instruct them on how to handle e mails from The Department of 'Cranky About Hanky Panky Men'......


Lesson No. 1

Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women???
From: kendall
Date: 18 Nov 08 - 12:43 PM

I guess I'm lucky. Jacqui reads my mind and I read hers.