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Campsite at Drumcree IV
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:36 AM what's that racket? I can hear "Greensleeves"....... oh great .....just what I need there's a "Mr Whippy" van doing wheelies in the street outside........ what does thon glipe think he's doing parkin' in my drive? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Mr Whippy, resplendant in Hawaiian hula shir Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:48 AM Gooday cobba' Aw feckin greensleeves, ah go away an shite will ye. An I wanted Popeye's tune, but that gobshite Paddy McGinty went and got in the line before me. Right, Number 34 Ramsay Street, Allison. Ok, ah bulk order o'arctic rolls. Ah shite, blethering wee gobshites, go away, no ye can't have a 99, an oyster or a strawberry split. Now, right so. How am ah looking, just a wee blob o' spit and I'll get that tuft o hair in a nice partin, lets see, mah white coat is clean, shoes ok, tomato sauce off me chin. Ah, don't forget the pile of potato cakes and bacon under the highballs, this Allison woman said she did a mean ulster. ding dong. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Vatican Press spin doctor Date: 19 Apr 02 - 05:05 AM Vatican press release, Friday 19 April 2002 His holyness the big guy, ok wee short fella actually. Wishes to announce that he is distributing, 2 million bodhrans to all his diocese around the world. They are to be used by the priests in premarriage lessons, to practice the rhythm method. A strict jig beat will be imposed on all future engaged couples and a practise schedule of 2 months imposed prior to the impending date. Any couples straying from the jig beat, will have a fine levied upon them and will be disqualified for one week. None of that fancy syncopations stuff, it's been medically proven it makes you blind. Coupons for Mr Bottle Bottom the opticians are available on special dispensation. All enquiries for the aforementioned coupons are available on request, and will be treated with strictest confidentiality. In no way or form will this be used against you, but anything you say may be taken down and used as evidence. The Pope would like to thank his sponsor, a Mr Malachy Kearns who has taken refuge in the Church of the blessed saint around the corner from the Vatican. Here ends the press release. Mr. Alfonso Mario Grizado supermario Fiorelli |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Date: 19 Apr 02 - 05:43 AM aw fer fecks sake I'm tryin' tae watch "Home & away".... an' thon "Greensleeves" is drivin' me pur round the bend..... who's thon at my dure? ..... what? yew've brought me arctic roll? aw yew're a wee darlin' so ye are...... and thon' Ozzie accent doesn't fool me one bit... you must think my heads full of sweetie mice not to recognise thon' gorjus Belfast accent...... I haven't had arctic roll in so long............ I don't suppose I could coax a wee poke out of ye? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:30 AM Mise Christy More bardlike am I than boul' Phelim Brady Great is my glory I who sung Cúnla and diddled my bodhrán Great is my shame Ride On to name but one example Mise Christy More plot-lost it seems than the boul' Paul Brady |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Dan McCann Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:32 AM Mise Dan McCann Funnier am I than Frank Carson Great is my glory I who dwell on the Bann's fair banks Great is my shame I perform my ablutions in a cooking vessel Mise Dan McCann Wee-er am I than Willie Carson (NB there is a prize of a clipe o' Yellow Leg, a hape of dulse and a sloat of Bailey's - as donated by everybody's favourite wobbly-arsed stage-Oirish broth of a boyo, Eamonn Holmes - to the first mudcatter who knows what in the name of Jaysus this wee piece is about!) |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tom Paulin Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:33 AM Mise Paulin More poetic am I than the mop-haired Heaney Great is my vocabulary Tendentious, disingenuous, juxtaposition Overused is my catchphrase "It works on a number of levels" Mise Paulin More opinionated am I than Julie Burchill |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,E****n C***y Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:35 AM Mise bisho' Hornier am I than Flynn the swashbuckler Great is my glory At the heart of power in my Holy See Great is my shame My forbidden fruit is up the duff! Mise bisho' More banished am I than Boney to Elba |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tricia Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:37 AM Mise Tricia Victim of the above archbisho' To God above I nightly wish I Wasn't lumbered with his heir and issue |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Begrudgers Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:38 AM "Lord help us! Would you listen to thon uns runnin' down the priests and bishops" "Indeed I hear them! The blackguards! Bad-mouthin' and rubbishin' the very people that risked death at the Mass-rock till bring us through the penal times." "They've no shame. That's what it is!" "You're right there, missus! Shame's a thing they're badly wantin'." "I mane. It's not as if there's not plenty they could red-up, if they had half a mind, and lave the clargy alone. Take Christy Moore for example!" "Oh, a rip!" "A rip, indeed! Had us all fooled for a wee minute into thinkin' he was a good oul' singer of good oul' songs. And the next thing you know he thinks he's a court jester! Don't forget your shovel, indeed!" "I wouldn't forget my shovel, missus! And I'd tell you where I'd shove it, too! Suas his owl hone is where I'd lose it! And Knock!" "Knock indeed! I'd knock him! Knock seven colours of shite out of him I would! And Ride On!" "Ride On me arse! What a dirge! And what's it all about anyway? Whoever writ a song till a horse anyways?" "Still and all, it could be worse! He could be Mary Black!" "Heaven bless us, but you've hit the spot there, missus. Thon Mary Black wan was a fly blade, too, wasn't she? Givin' us the pure drap for a bit and then next thing you know she thinks she's Celine Dion! She's near as bad as thon Maura O'Connell wan!" "Quit talkin'! Sure Dolores Keane's as bad. One minute she's singin' Galway Bay like it would tear your heart in flitters and the next thing she's got drummers and kayboord players behine her. Who does she think she is, anyways? Sinead O'Connor?" "Oh, don't start me on thon huzzy! Did you know she tore up a pixture of the Pope in America one time?" "What? Was the Pope in America? I've got a picture of him in Galway, bless him. Scooting about in thon Popemobile like he was on the dodgems at Omeath!" "No! Jaysus! She was in America and she tore up a pixture of the Pope." "Heavens! Even Paisley wouldn't be at the like of thon!" "Indeed. But there you go. These'ns think they've nothing to do on'y slag off the clargy! If y'ast me they'd be better off directin' their oul spleen where it's desarved!" "Like at Christy Moore!" "Well said, missus! Oh thon un was a rip!" "A rip indeed! Oh look, thon's my bus commin'! I'll see ya later!"
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Date: 19 Apr 02 - 10:52 AM Dan McCann, I claim the prize... you can keep the dulce.. I'll just have yellow man thanks...... Dan, Dan's a funny wee man he washed his face in a frying pan combed his hair with a donkeys tail and scratched his belly with a big toe nail lol slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Bill Whelan and Davy Spillane Date: 09 May 02 - 04:34 PM BW : Davy, y'oul bollix! How're ye hangin'? DS : To the knees, Bill, as ever! BW : Y'are, so! Jayz, but thon's a great headband you've on you! DS : Thanks there, Bill. I always like to throw a bit of drapery roun' the head. I feel naked w'out an oul' duster, or a piece of curtain or a clipe o' me ma's apron, or something wrapped roun' th'oul' napper! BW : Well, whatever. Suits you till a T, so it does! Here, d'ye fancy a wee child's leg? (Offers a cigarette.) DS : Don't mind if I do, there! BW : Y'up till anything music-wise, there? DS : Funny enough, I'm jist puttin' the finishin' touches till an oul' concept thing. BW : G'way! What's the crack? DS : It's an attempt to set oul Englishy, Saxon-like folk-tales till Irish rebel music. BW : God alive! Thon sounds great! You're the powerful man for the concepts, Davy! DS : I've a great band working with me on it. BW : What are they called? DS : The Beowulf Tones. (Takes deep drag on child's leg ...) Y'up till anything much yourself? BW : I've a wee project I was working on. DS : Aye? BW : I was goin' to get 4 Men And A Dog back together again ... on ice! DS : On ice? BW : Aye! But you know me, Davy. Always one for the big spectacle, so I wanted to get the numbers up. So I was working on the 104 Men And A Dog concept! DS : Jayz! BW : Well 3 ordinary-sized men, a dog and 101 Ginos to be precise! But could I get ice thick enough till houl' them? DS : Did you try? BW : I did in sowl! Why do you think thon ice shelf broke away in th'Antarctic? DS : G'way! BW : They all got a wee bit excited at the start of The Kilfenora Jig and stompin' and leppin' about ... next thing they're floatin' up the Gulf Stream t'wards Inisheer! Voice From The Shadows : Did you find anybody to play the dog? BW : Who's that? VFTS : Never mind! Just answer the fockin' question! BW : Well, no as it happens! Had you anybody in mind? VFTS reveals itself to be Michael Flatley : Aye ... thon flat-footed harpie Jean Butler! FADE TO BLACK |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,The Pope Date: 09 May 02 - 08:19 PM Settle yerselves there settle yerselves. There's bad craic goin' round now bout the clargy and I don't want yews people to be payin' it iny heed. Do yiz hear. Now when we get the perscriptions all made up now for the bodhrans it'll be keepin' peoples heads all aff the how's yer father...are yiz wime. Cause lets face it there's no feckin' rythmn in this country, know. Here Guido hand me that bottle will ye son. Ahh that's grand so it is. Nothin' like the Paddy tay slack the bladder wha? Where was a...aye up the Glens. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Irish Mary Date: 09 May 02 - 08:34 PM Och is it yerself missus. Och come on in luv. Watch that ould rug for its a death trap...it could put ye through the bannisters there if ye caught the right corner aff it. Ye haven't the wee bit of a feg on ye do ye luv. Am chokin' here. A haven't been down to the shap yet for the messages.(takes cigarette, lights and inhales deeply...has a body convulsing coughing fit) These feckin' things'll be the death a me. Sure they have me kilt with the lambego. Did ye hear the Pope on the wireless. A lovely wee man...a lovely wee man. Aye God love him but doesn't he have a fierce time aff it way some a them boys thats not priests atall, not priests atall. Sure some a them boys needs the red hot poker heh. Anyway luv I was kilt with an ould turn there last week. A didn't know which end a me till point at the boul. Couldn't keep a thing in me...not even a man (laughs hysterically). That's wile craic wha...hear shut that door luv ye know what their like round here. Come on an a'll put the kettle on. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Kathy Jordan and Sharon Shannon Date: 10 May 02 - 07:41 AM SS : How's she cuttin', there? KJ : Rightly, Shaz. Yourself? SS : Middlin' till raysinable! KJ : You cud be worse, then! Would like a suck on a wee Lambeg? (Offers SS a Sweet Afton.) SS : I'd ate the sufferin' hawn aff ye fer wan o' them yokes! (Lights up. Deep drag. Breathes two furious plumes of smoke from out her delicate wee nostrils.) KJ : Y'up tomuch music-wise, lately? SS : Divil the bit! The odd TV theme tune but fock all o' any use to man or baist. Yourself? KJ : Still howlin' an' batterin' the oul' bodhrán and leppin' roun' the stage like a demented eejit. But here, d'ye know what it is? SS : What? KJ : It's very weird, Shaz. But I've got this mad hankerin' for a beard! I don't think I'l ever be right less I get a big hairy gub on me! (Takes a huge drag on her feg!) What's thon all about, eh? SS : I think you've fell for a bit of dubliminal advertising, meself! FADE TO BLACK
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 10 May 02 - 08:34 AM Ah, Jayziz … yous huv jist caught me writin' a new song! Let's see (strums a chord) … Don't forget yer bowler if ye walk through Portydown Don't forget yer brolly, case the rain is pishin' down When ye see a fenian gern yer gub and wear a frown Dal-de-deedle-do (Mutters till heesself.) No, no … that's not right! Let's see (strums a chord) Don't forget yer buckfast if you're marchin' on the twelfth And give us a wee sloat, there, b'y … don't keep it till yerself They say that it's a tonic, buy it's runin' me health Dal-de-deedle-do (Mutters away like an eejit.) Not at all, Christy. Let's see (strums a chord) I never met a man who ate more grub than Eamonn Holmes I never met a man could bate Tom Paulin at the pomes And poor oul' Paud Moloney gets mistaken for a gnome Dal-de-deedle-do Now we're cookin'! (Strums another chord) I never met a man before more reprobate than Shane In seen him once devour some stuff I use for clearin' drains An' it didn't bloody fizz on him, he roared out "Same again!" Dal-de-deedle-do And Barney's face is hairier than Father Ted's backside And Dan O'Donnell's singin' is a thing I can't abide And thon girls out of the Corrs, I'd like to give them all a … han' with their careers, ye dorty-minded pack o' hoor's melts! What did you think I wuz goin' till sing? Dal-de-deedle-do |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 13 May 02 - 07:56 AM Don't forget the puddin' if you cook for Eamonn Holmes He wuz roun' our house last Sunday; ate us out of house and home I caught him on heez han's and knees, eatin' the dog's bone Fal-de-deedle-do We had nettle champ for dinner, with butter in the hole We settled down to afters, a big oul' Arctic Roll He ast if there wuz seconds and he ate a dozen bowls Fal-de-deedle-do Don't forget the freshener when Eamonn hits the loo If he ates just leck a pig, then he smells just like one too He's upstairs with the Sunday World, he's at the Number Two Fal-de-deedle-do It came aroun' till three o'clock, sez I "We'll have a squib" Well he dribbled like a chil', I shud huv give the man a bib "Any chance there of a bikkie? There's nothing roun' my ribs!" Fal-de-deedle-do He ate a plate o' Wagon Wheels, some Kimberleys as well A stack of buttered Maries came, and on them Eamonn fell The state o' the place wi' bikkie crumbs, I hardly dare to tell Fal-de-deedle-do And then he lifted up a hip and made an awful roar The gases that did then ensue, t'was at my throat they tore It was like the soldiers' trenches in the 1914 war Fal-de-deedle-do Don't forget the shovel if you dine with Eamonn Holmes For sweetenin' his Punjana, then clearin' out the toilet bowl If he blitters fit to choke you, send the bingo-caller home Fal-de-deedle-do |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tom Paulin Date: 13 May 02 - 07:59 AM Jayziz, Christy. But thon's poetry, boy! I'll git y'invited on till The Late Review yet! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 16 May 02 - 12:45 PM Don't forget your boat when you go sailin' on Lough Neagh Remember the punjana when you make a cup o' tay Better get a move-on else you'll cause us a delay Fal-de-deedle-do Gino is substantial, he is meaty and he's plump But he's not a bit like Eamonn Holmes, the lazy bloody lump Who looks like he's inflated with a giant bicycle pump Fal-de-deedle-do |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Coyote Breath Date: 16 May 02 - 02:17 PM arrgh! I go travellin' for a couple a weeks and ya start in agin and I miss all the fun! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Paul Brady Date: 17 May 02 - 07:54 AM Thon new bit o' singin' I've just done with Altan has re-invigorated me. I've just come up with a re-working of thon oul' favourite o' mine, "Arthur McBride", but I've changed it roun' till it refers to the big-assed bingo-caller from Lurgan. Me and my cousin, one Mickey O'Loan Met up in Cafolla's with the boul' Eamonn Holmes A male in a café beats one made at home At least that's the gist of the theory We got a wee sate near the back of the place The slabbers was drippin' aff Eamonn's oul face The air it was thick with the sweet smell of gr'ase And it made us feel pleasant and cheery "What 're yez havin'?" the waitress then said "Fish suppers all roun', love. An' slices o' bread. An' big mugs o' tay." We're always well-fed, An' daycent an' hale an' contented Well, up came the grub, it was graisy as hell Yer mawn near combusted when he caught a smell Wi' heez knife and heez fork he was goin' pell-mell Like an eatin' machine was invented! Well he let out a rift when he'd cleaned heez oul' plate He sez "Jayziz, boys, thon oul' feedin' wuz great. I'm the mawn that is fon' o' a good drap o' mate An' thon wuz far better than nothin'! But nice as it wuz, I have to confess That the size o' the portions don't suit me the best For I have a stummick inside my oul' vest That takes a right bit o' stuffin'" So up came the waitress and Holmes, he said "Miss, There's many's the boys who would ask for a kiss But all I want aff you is a big lump o' fish Deep-fried in the crispiest batter And a big scoop o' chips, piled up in a moun' An' I don't give a damn if the cost is ten poun's For the money I'm earnin' would surely astoun' So a note here or there disn't matter!" So up then came seconds, and later came thirds Sez Eamonn "Sure, Jayziz I ate like a bird For they ate twice their weight every day, so I've heard" And then it was back to the feedin' For slabbers and gravy you'd scarce see his face His oul' double chin was covered in gr'ase He's the talk o' everyone in the place A kick up the hole's what he's needin' And then at the ice-cream when the suppers were done Oysters an' nougats and 99 cones The waitresses working themselves to the bone To keep the boul' Eamon in rations Pineapple minerals he drank by the score And oul' sarsaparilla, raspberry and more A gallon o' coffee when the 'ating was o'er "Ah, Jayziz, boys, thon was fair smashin'!" Then homeward he waddled till watch the TV "I hope there's a programme on, featurin' me" He thought as he sproghalled on his oul' settee Which groaned cos oul' Eamonn was bulky But all that was on was oul' Portydown Glo And Paulin the poet, on the Late Review show "There's damn all worth watchin'. To bed I will go." Sez Eamonn all tearful and sulky ….
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Len Graham Date: 17 May 02 - 08:29 AM I've just come across this wee song on my travels. It's to the same tune as "Skibereen". I hope you like it, now!
Oh father dear, I often hear you slag off Eamonn Holmes |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tom Paulin's latest pome Date: 17 May 02 - 09:04 AM THE BALLAD OF EAMONN THE BLOATED
In a mean abode on Garvaghy Road
As quick as a flash he ate up his hash |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Tom Paulin Date: 17 May 02 - 09:28 AM Now me name it is Tom Paulin, poet great, poet great Now me name it is Tom Paulin, poet great Now me name it is Tom Paulin On the Late Review I'm hollerin' Cos the Arts are quite appallin', 'cept for me, I'm the best Cos the Arts are quite appallin', 'cept for me
Now it works on a number of levels, so I said, so I said
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Séamus Heaney Date: 17 May 02 - 04:42 PM Paulin … What a big, stinkin' hape of horse-shite! Thon wudn't pass muster, at all, at all! I've been spen'in' a quare bit o' time lately translating th'oul' Sweeney lyrics an' I reckon thon's as good as poetry gets. So, here, in Sweeney-style, I'll gi'e you a wee hawn till think wi' this one! Big is the ass to him Nine-times big and big again Bigger than the Gap of Dungloe Softer than the Bog of Allen Greedy is the gub on him Greedy for eatin' the diet of lords The hairy bacon of Galtee The gold butter of Kerry Tight is the shiny suit on him Tighter, in sowl, than the hangman's noose That choked the life From our glorious dead Shiny is the tight suit on him Shinier, in faith, than the seldom-seen sun Whose miserable warmth Keeps us this side of freezin' Dulcet his tones Sweeter than the breath of the maiden Emer That teases the neck Of Cuchulllain the brave Slimy his ways Slimier than the spawn of frogs That gather in spring In St. Brigid's Well Vain is he Vainer indeed than the dancer Flatley (Whose vanity Is a riddle, alright!) Great is his girth Girthsome indeed, aye nine times girthsome More girthsome by far Than the drummer Gino |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,James Joyce Date: 17 May 02 - 04:43 PM Heaney … Sit down for Gawd's sake and watch how it's done You've heard of oul' Eamonn the guzzler He's beyond, he's calling the bingo He's dressed in a suit But I'd give him the boot For I can't have the craytur at all, Line up by the wall, Powder and ball, Watch the boy fall He once was a bit of a heart-throb He once had his pick of the Ashburn But now that he's stout And his charm has run out He's lost for a bit of a coort A blade in a skirt A bit of flirt A rowl in the dirt He's never out of Cafolla's He orders chips seven times over And sugary tay Five gallons a day And Baileys when out on the town He's drinkin' them down They pile on the poun's A tenner a roun' It's a pity he wasn't more humble Cos soon he will take an oul' tumble He's getting' too big Too much like a pig To last any more on TV They like their folks wee Like wee Tommy P A poet like me! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,- of De Auld School... Date: 18 May 02 - 03:52 PM Arrr, away wid ye! Dere's nin ev yez is a patch on The Milligan, for da pomes... |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,fiosrach Date: 18 May 02 - 04:13 PM Did Queen Liz snub Drumcree on her recent Jubilee visit to N Ireland? I thought I would have seen a message from her here. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Fibula Mattock Date: 22 May 02 - 06:40 AM Now available on the XBox: Drumcree game |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: ard mhacha Date: 22 May 02 - 07:23 AM Fibula, What a great Site, I have one of those Orange Juicers and it bates the Classic stuff rotten, nearly as good as the Buckie. Ard Mhacha. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin Date: 22 May 02 - 07:41 AM Jaysus! That Protestant Holy Water stuff is only bloody marvellous. I put a drop in my waterin' can and gave my Orange Lilies a good sprinklin'. They shot up like leeks! I'm orderin' it by the gallon! Cheers ... Diarmuid |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin Date: 22 May 02 - 07:44 AM Me again! Houl' fire on thon oul' Protestant Holy Water, boys! I gave my bed of shamrock a good oul' dose and it shrivelled up in seconds. Where do I get a refund? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Fibula Mattock Date: 22 May 02 - 07:48 AM Och, Diarmuid, d'ye know I have a wee picture of you up on me noticeboard. I always did have a thing about them woolly-jumper, big-boot wearin' Irish Sons of the Soil. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin Date: 22 May 02 - 07:55 AM Fibula ... There's many's the blade's fell for the twinkle in my eye, the burr in my voice and rugged good looks to me! But, to the matter in hand! Thon Protestant Holy Water ... I poured a wee drap on my collection of thistles. One half of them riz like Lazarus; the awr half cowped in a hape! What's that about, eh? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Frankie Gavin Date: 22 May 02 - 08:00 AM I'd just like it to be placed on record that I am no relation to Diarmuid Gavin. There is a slight resemblance in the tonsorial department, but that's where any similarity ends. Besides which he's pilin' on the beef now that he's never aff the telly. If he's not careful he'll blow up like a poisoned pup, much like Eamonn Holmes. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Diarmuid MacMurrough Date: 22 May 02 - 08:03 AM If yez had only but known that Ireland would rare boys the like o' Diarmuid Gavin and Eamonn Holmes, maybe yez woudn't ha' bin so hard on me in the past! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Consumer Complaint Date: 23 May 02 - 03:29 AM Dear prodshopper.com I tried some of the orange juice as advertised in your estimable organ. I want my money back. It was awful bitter! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Date: 30 May 02 - 07:08 AM Man dear, but this oul' swimmin' can be a right lonely business! I was thinkin' th'awr night of a wee song to help pass the time. An' heavens above! If I didn't come up wi' this wee number! There was a wile colonial prod, McKittery was his name He was born and reared in Ulster, in a place called Killicomaine He loves the orange, hates the green, in marches oft he's trod And sorely do his brethren miss, the wile colonial prod At the age of forty-seven years, he set out from Drumcree To swim to far Australia, across the briny sea For he'd fallen for a fair one, and he swore t'Almighty God That she would get a good look-see at the wile colonial prod It was off Larne pier one fine spring morn, into the waves he div Not one care for his safety did brave McKittery give He struck out with such vigour, he was like a human cod We raised a cheer and downed a beer for the wile colonial prod While down by bonny Biscay-o, the weather blew up rough Other - aye, and tamer! - men, might well have had enough But the noble sons of Ulster honour sovereigns and fear God And a howlin' gale would not prevail with the wile colonial prod And passing by Gibral-a-tar, McKittery raised a fist And swore to help defend the boys, who on that rock, persist To claim the right to government by Liz to whom they nod And tug their loyal forelocks like the wile colonial prod And down the coast of Africky, he floated and he swum And up above was beaming down the equatorial sun "Each day is like the glorious 12th" mused Isaac as he trod Water off Nigeria – the wile colonial prod The story isn't over yet, it's barely halfway through For that valiant son of Orange, in his trunks red, white and blue Has many miles to swim till up some foreign beach he'll plod And then Ali can get pally with her wile colonial prod.
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,O'Farrell's Wlcome To Date: 30 May 02 - 07:38 AM Standing guard on the good ship "Libido" I nervouly eyed a torpedo Says my mate, "Don't be jittery; It's Isacc McKittery Swimmin' by in his union jack speedos" |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Date: 30 May 02 - 09:36 PM ....looking nervously at her watch ....... thon big hunk McKittery must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.... shurely it can't take this long 'til get here..... I'm quarin' lonely since thon nice Mr Whippy went away.... him an his artic rolls kep' me goin' fer a brave wee while.... mind yew Isaac still sends me luvly wee songs .... I jist wish he'd swim faster.... maybe I should hoist a red haun' down the docks so he can see where to head for....... |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Date: 31 May 02 - 05:03 PM Ye may quit lookin' at the watch, darlin'! The wea'er's quare'n bad aff the Capey Good Hope at the minute. So I'm holin' up for a wee bit with the staunch Boers. Good oul' Dutch stock, much like our Good King Bill! An' man dear ... haven't they the great ideas about keepin' th'oul tribes apart! If we had a few o' them yokes in charge in Storemount, there'd be better crack altogether! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Hrothgar Date: 01 Jun 02 - 11:45 PM McKittery, Isaac: B+ for song writing. F- for geography and navigation. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Date: 04 Jun 02 - 04:42 PM If wasn't for the fact that I'm up to my oxters in jellyfish, I'd rare up so I wud!
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Date: 05 Jun 02 - 07:56 AM An' anawr thing! You can gi' me an F minus for jography if ye like, but I can tel you the difference atween The Birches and The Moy any day of the week! An atween The Boyne and The Shannon jist from the taste o'it! And atween The Liffey and The Lagan jist from the smell o' it! So don't you go dishin' out the marks for th'oul' jography when you wouldn't know The Falls from the Niagry Falls or Shillington's Bridge from Sydney Harbour! Keep 'er country, boy! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Date: 05 Jun 02 - 09:33 PM aw fer gawd's sake...... if ye didn't blether so much ye'd go a lot faster....... yer gob is open so much yer swallyin' water...... if ye don't get yer arse in gear quare'n quick I'm goin' te take meself down the pub see if I can pull some half dacent Ozzie fella...... |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: Hrothgar Date: 06 Jun 02 - 12:06 AM Which half has to be decent, Alison? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Date: 06 Jun 02 - 12:51 AM that's for me to know and him to find out.......... lol |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery Date: 06 Jun 02 - 03:56 AM Now you jist houl' yer tongue, there, Alison! Here's me, the flesh roasted aff me and hardly a day in the past few months that I haven't been leavin' a wake behin' me in my haste to get till th'oul' Austrailyee. And what am I goanny git for my efforts? A tongue-lashin'? Away o' that! Isaac McKittery's never took a bargin' from man, woman or baste. So, I'll tell you what till do, love. Why don't you link up with thon Viking boy you're slaggin' me aff in front o'? Wi' his big horny helmet. And his sheepskin trousers. And you can plait your hair in pigtails and ate candles till your heart's content! An' there's me after thinkin' you were the quare girl that wud suit a true blue!
Ah, sweet Portydown, where the gentle Bann flows,
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: alison Date: 06 Jun 02 - 05:08 AM quit yer whingin' ye big jessie.... sure yer over half way here.....and anyways if ye go back now the boys'll take a quare hand out of ye fer not makin' it all the way...... and shure... what use have I fer a big horny viking when I've got a real man like yerself.... there's something about the sight of man in orange speedos that fair gets the juices goin'.....(did you remember yer white gloves???)..... c'mon and I'll take yer mind off the jellyfish stings.... providing the sharks haven't got you by then...... |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar Date: 06 Jun 02 - 07:33 AM Damn. Now that I've got my very own cookie I don't know how to sign in as Peter Benchley. Just wanted to suggest that Isaac has been jumping the shark all the time and won't have any stamina left in him to "honour" you by the time he reaches you, Alison. |
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