BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed

Subject: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:11 PM

My mother is trying to cut ties with a man that she lived with for three years who abused her. He held her captive in the home and beat her for two days, after he ripped the phones from the wall so that she could not call for help. She was, like many abuse victims, too emotionally battered to make good choices and leave, until my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer last June. She was able to physically leave, but the man has been stalking her via telephone and e-mail ever since. We had a temporary protection order issued from the State of Maine, but a permanent one cannot be issued until the Sheriff's Department in Snohomish County, Washington serves him with the paperwork. We have already gone to court in Maine and received a continuance until January 11th, but that won't do us any good unless the people in WA do their job.

We are currently in WA, attempting to retrieve Mum's personal possessions, things that cannot be easily replaced, such as her car, her personal documents and the cat. We have run into brick walls in every direction. The Sheriff's Dept. tried to tell us that the ME paperwork was no good. That is bullshit, as a protection order is good in all 50 states. The Sheriff's Dept. has had the paperwork from ME for a month and have spoken to the abuser on the telephone, but have not served him yet. In WA, the police do not have to serve someone, anyone over the age of 18 can do it, who is not the plaintiff. The abuser's probation officer said that he would, but only if the Sheriff's Dept. called him and asked him to do it. Mum faxed them that information at the same time that she faxed them the continuance paperwork. Also, they will not go out with us to the residence so that she may safely retrieve her belongings. She has to file an order that will cost her $250 in order for them to go out there with us and stay for 10 minutes. They told us that they had spoken with the abuser on the telephone and that all of her things were in the shed and she could go get them any time and that her was at work for 12 hours every day. He got fired last week, so there is no safe time to go. We told them this, and they repeated the phone conversation to us.

We took a huge chance and went out in a borrowed truck two days in a row, once with the friend who loaned us the truck and the second time by ourselves. Two 5'2" women by themselves. On the first day we discovered that barely anything was in the shed, but we took what was there. On day two, Mum went in and grabbed stuff, while I stood outside with a tire iron in my right hand and the cell phone in my left. We got what was there, but anything of any monetary value (including the oysterwood pot, Bill D), as well as her personal documents (passport, birth certificate, divorce papers, vehicle title, etc.) and the spare car keys were not in the residence.

We feel that we have exhausted our options and reported the car stolen this AM. The way we have been treated by the Sheriff's Dept makes me believe that we won't have a whole lot of luck there. I have never felt so angry or so frustrated in my life. I need a lot of warm fuzzies from my Mudcat family right now. Wish us luck.

Tami

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Maryrrf
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:24 PM

Oh this is horrible. Thank heavens for your mom that she has you to support her during this crisis, and I am glad she finally was able to get herself out of the awful situation - well it sounds like she is not completely extricated yet, but she is at least physically removed from the abusive household. The actions (or rather lack of action) on the part of the Washington police department is disheartening - one would have thought that with increased public awareness of domestic abuse (it is or should be known to the police that a woman is in the greatest danger when she leaves an abusive relationship) the police would have offered more support.

Mudcat vibes coming your way...

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:27 PM

Tami, above all stay SAFE. Possessions don't mean anything without you and your mom. Are there any abuse hotlines there in WA which you can call for support and maybe to grease the wheels with the idiot sheriff's dept.?

I am giving thanks, right now, for the safest and perfect outworking of this situation for the highest good of all concerned. BIG Kudos to your mom for getting out of there when she did and to YOU for helping her.

{{{{{{{TAMI & MOM}}}}}}}}}}

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:27 PM

Jayze, Tami!! Bravely done so far. I would certainly not want to mix it up with you and a tire iron in your hand.

The one option that comes to mind is a suit for restitution, including emotional and physical abuse. It would be a strain to go through but it might bring about a legal claim the Sherriff would have to support.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Rasener
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:30 PM

Tami
I think you have got to decide if material things are more important than your mother. You need to get her safely away from it all, where that thug can't find her. Her life is more important.
My rhoughts are with you both and I hope the thug gets put away for a very long time.
Les

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:36 PM

Looking forward to the day all this is no longer even a bad memory, but a memory of victory and peace.

And yes, your safety first-- and make sure you're well connected with local help.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:40 PM

Thanks, everyone. We are physically in a safe situation and are not going back to the residence for anything else. The only thing we want now is the car. We are in negotiations with the Snohomish County SD to get the car. If that fails, we have retained a towing company that specializes in repossessions that will just go and get it for us. However, that takes time and right now we just want to leave this place behind.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Hawker
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:52 PM

Tami, I can do little except send you my love and kind thoughts and hope things get better for you all soon.
Stay safe, Love
Lucy

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: RangerSteve
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:56 PM

You are both in my prayers. I wish I could do more.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:59 PM

What a mess......I feel for you and your Mom, but do stay safe. Sometimes I am amazed at what the law enforcement people will NOT do and the lame reasons why not. There seems to be a huge difference in departments, even adjoining districts.

Tell ya' what though.............Is the tow guy really a repo specialist? If so, I'd pay him and hope like hell the sleazy dude who has the car tries to stop him. A Repo Man with a legal document will pick up a car at all costs and woe be to the idiot that gets in the way. The guys in that business just love to fuck people up and have no problem putting them in the hospital. Hey.....the repo guys are just defending themselves, right? Damn straight right!!! Its the next best thing to hiring a hit man.

Good Luck, Stay Safe, and I'll be holding good thoughts for you.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Alice
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:59 PM

Good luck to you.
Leaving is the most dangerous time, and that is why many stay longer than they know they should.

I was about to post that you should go to the local news reporters on tv, radio and newspaper to put the screws on the legal system to do the right thing, but in your last post it looks like you will get the vehicle by reposession, so you won't have to drag it all out in public.

If you will never be back to that town again, I would report the story to the news so the next time someone has to leave a batterer, law enforcement will hopefully take it more seriously.

Alice

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Slag
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:14 PM

Tami. (a very long pause) Many thoughts but most important is the safety of you and your mom. God bless you both. Things like this really rile me up and I would hate to tell you what initially goes through my mind. But that is the Old Man. While I pray for you and your mom, I will also be praying for your mom's vis' your abuser also. It is really awesome what God can do. Do what you can. Be smart. Be safe.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:18 PM

Ya know, I do believe that stealing a passport is a Federal crime...have you notified the FBI? That would trump the local yokels.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:31 PM

There's safe, and then there's safer. Keep aiming for safer. Example, ask Mr. Repo to drop the car farther away on your departure path. But not to your actual destination, as Mr. Repo may be tracked by Mr. Abuser. Ask Repo Man to drop it at the cop shop and pick it up there with cop escort.

There is no level of care that is unreasonable under these circumstances. I do not mean that you are not being as smart as you can-- just, please consider being even safer.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:36 PM

Susan, the police will not help us. Otherwise, this would have been all taken care of days ago. They are the ones telling us to go get it by ourselves.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:39 PM

Tami, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother. Add my voice to the wishes for your safety. We need you back here, and your mother too, safe and sound!

Allison

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:58 PM

Passing ALL the information to the local press in Wa definately sounds like a good idea to me - How in ANYBODY's book can stealing someones personal documents NOT be acted on by the police !! AS many vibes as i can manage from West London !!

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 05:11 PM

Tami, I understand. The cop shop is still a safe location for people to meet you though. It is after all a public place.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: GUEST,Concerned Woman
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 05:17 PM

In case you do not already have them here are some numbers to call who WILL make sure the Sheriff Dept do their job.
CARE Crisis Line: 800-584-3578 or 425-258-4357
Eastside Domestic Violence Program: 1-800-827-8840
National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
Providence Sexual Assault Center: 425-252-4800
Snohomish County Center for Battered Women: 425-25-ABUSE (425-252-2873)
Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]

Also calling in the State Troopers may get you a more responsible path from Law enforcement Officers.
If a Passport and a Social Security Card are among the personal items missing, please report this to the State Police who will then contact the FBI.
As there is an order (App.in 50 states) against this Bastard, legally issued in Maine, your Mother should be given protection by an Officer when collecting HER belongings at the abuser's home no matter what State that residence is in.
I suggest you try ALL these routes Tami.
Safety first and above all remember that this is only one man who is a weak SOB and the Law is on your Mother's side.
With you both in spirit.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 05:21 PM

Oh, my...when I spoke to you at the Getaway, I hoped, as you did, that all this would be easier. Have you spoken to Legal Aid in the state? Someone there might be able to advise you on the nuances of WA law in there matters better than the local Gestapo ...ummm..'police farce'....'scuse me...force.

And I still have 'some' Oysterwood...*smile*...we can work something out.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 05:38 PM

We have been in contact with Snohomish County Center for Battered Women and with the legal aid folks they put us in touch with. They are just as stymied at this point as we are. Our documents are good, Snohomish County Sheriff's Dept. just doesn't seem to want to do anything. I do like the idea of trying the State Police and Mum does need to report the passport stolen. Hmm...

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 05:52 PM

Tami, you're the one who told me how to scroll etc. That doesn't seem appropriate in this thread so I'll just send good thoughts and good wishes from Yorkshire. Take care.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Severn
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 06:16 PM

All the best thoughts and wishes from this quarter.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Sorcha
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 07:00 PM

Tami, I am appalled at this! As you may know, my Mr is a cop...Asst Chief in our town. Yes, call the FBI and the State Troopers. What you are requesting is called a Civil Standby and they HAVE to do it. Part of their job. Don't know if the State Troopers will do it for you. How about an off duty cop?

The street in front of the cop shop is a great place to have the car dropped. There are usually surveillance cameras there.

It IS true that some departments, often but not always, Sheriffs Dept. don't seem to want to do their job. The Sheriff in most places is an elected office so the person who 'wins' may not have any law enforcement experience at all.

My next question is, Just who is the Ex/Abuser etc. buddy buddy with on the department? Sounds like somebody is his buddy.

Me, I'd go ahead and get me a reporter and camera crew to follow me around. As in all cases of mugging, scream as loud as you can whereever you can.

Did you get the cat? That is the only thing that isn't replaceable. Yes, it will be a pain to replace the birth cert, divorce papers, etc, but it CAN be done.

Good luck, and my thoughts are with you. If a phone call from one cop to another would do any good, let me know. He already has a few contacts in WA state.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Janie
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 07:03 PM

Hugs and prayers from here, too, Tami. What everyone else has said about being safe.

I went poking around the County website. Looks like all DV services are consigned to their Dept. of Social/Human Services, with no direct tie-in to the legal system or law enforcement.   From what you have said, I'm guessing your mum finally just got the hell out of Dodge last summer, and did not bring domestic assault charges against the guy in Snohomish Co., so neither the Prosecuting Attorney's office or the District Court have any prior involvement. I also notice that the Victim's Assistance unit with the Prosecuting Attorney's office seems to be dedicated only to victims of serious felonies, and neither the Prosecuting Attorney's office nor the Sheriff's Dept. appears to have a family violence coordinator or liason. The County is clearly well behind the curve regarding DV services. Don't know if that is because of lack of resources or prevailing attitudes.

As you have already found, it does mean there are few, if any, pressure or leverage points within their system that can be used to coerce help from the Sheriff's dept.    It still might be worth calling the PA's office or the District Court to try to get those papers served so the protection order can be maintained, but don't hold your breath.

If he is still stalking your Mom via e-mail and telephone, she needs to lose both the phone number and the e-mail account.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Sorcha
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 07:14 PM

Yea, the Department has a web page....Snohomish Sheriff. Below copied from the site:

"Pride in Service to Our Community"
R. R. "Rick" Bart, Sheriff

We are a full service Sheriff's Office comprised of 341 of the best peace officers and support staff within the State of Washington. Our pride shows in everything we do.

I beg to differ, Sheriff Rick. Maybe we should all contact him? Nah, prob not a good idea, huh? I'm still thinking.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 07:22 PM

Sorcha, once we get the car, I'm all for it. "Service"? What service? And a friend of a friend of a friend is a cop in an adjoining PD and says that Snohomish County are a$$holes to deal with.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Sorcha
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 07:24 PM

But did you get the CAT?????

Gotta be something you can do that will really HURT them...some kind of publicity might be a good bet, but the sheriff's department always follows the Sheriffs lead....it's a real political office in the US.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 07:29 PM

Thinking of you, Tami.

Best of luck to you and your mom. Stay strong, and smart. Reaching way out wherever you can is the smartest thing you can do.

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 07:39 PM

I'm with Sapwzer on this one but would take it a step further... I'd bet the "Repo Guy" has a buddy who would love to accompany you two 5'2" lasies for any futrure dealings with Mr. Creepo... Yeah, you might shell out a hundred bucks but you can take it to the bank that what ever4 you are after, you ***will*** get...

Plus, this will send an unmistaken message to Mr. Creepo that the rules of the game have significantly changed...

Fight fire with a bigger fire...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 11:14 PM

I would definitely NOT use the press on the documents issue-- it will inflame someone who is already dangerous. To protect herself legally in the case of identity theft and/or liabilities, your mother should run a small-type legal notice in the classifieds ("Not responsible for debts" sort of ad) as well as a notice that doc's have been reported stolen to the police. Yes, I know, the cops are not helping to recover them, but I think they do have to at least take the report. The date of the reporting of it may later become an issue-- a potential loose end to be sure is covered. (Be sure to get a copy of the report or the report number and badge number of cop who takes the report, to help in getting docs replaced.)

I also would not take large, scary-looking men along on any potential run-ins. Large men in clergy garb are a safer, less-inflaming alternative. It is not, not, not a good idea to exacerbate feelings during thie "leaving" time, and it's not just your mom who may sufffer retaliation, unfortunately, but also anyone perceived as helping your mother to get away. If he perceives that she is gaining in power, in any way, that will give him all the excuse he needs to keep trying to excert control.

And screw the cat. Sorry, Sorch, but people come first. [insert several million ! marks] Report cat abuse to the local SPCA and let them handle that end of it after you and your mom have left the area. (Report the cat stolen or lost as well.)

And yes, I have experience in this area.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Slag
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 02:39 AM

As always, the best defense is a good offense. Enlist all the aid you can. After you get settled and have a platform from which you can operate, tell everybody! Involve the media. Share your story. Talk up the orgs that have helped you and shine a spot on the slackers like the county mounty that would not help.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 02:55 AM

Have swapped S*^& reducing candle for the biggest F&^*%^ H*^% candle I can find!

Take all advice on board, act sensibly, but above all, keep yourself and your mom safe.

Wys - I'd argue about the cat. When a person has been through this sort of abuse, a pet is often the only creature that they feel safe with. If Ranger's mom is anything like me, she will have confided in that cat and relied on it for so much more than simple companionship. To see the animal in the hands of the abuser is like seeing your personal diary in the hands of the town gossip. It's not logical, the cat can't talk, but it really does feel like a betrayal of trust.

Experience counts for a lot, but unless you've been on all sides, you can't see the whole picture.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: autolycus
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 04:21 AM

Wishing you well.

Do what you CAN, where you are, with what you've got. ESPECIALLY where others are hindering. That's when you most need to do what you can.

Take care. Warm, soft hugs to all of you.


   Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: maeve
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 05:21 AM

Tami- Do you need cash?

Love,

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: skarpi
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 05:47 AM

Dear Tami , thougts and hug s to you and your mom.
All the best Skarpi Iceland
P.s it takes some time to reach you ........heee long way over the ocean

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Micca
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 06:10 AM

Tami and Mom, you are both in my thoughts, as you well know. micca

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: jacqui.c
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 07:20 AM

If this guy is going to do something I would feel happier that Tami and her mother had a couple of big guys along for protection since the police don't want to be bothered. Extra bodies will give him the message that he can no longer marginalise his former victim and, in common with a lot of DV bullies, he's likely to back off and leave them alone.

Contacting the papers would be done to make the police feel uncomfortable, not the offender in this case. There is certainly a need to raise a stink in that department right now.

Tami tells me that the cat has gone feral and seems to be OK. Otherwise I would agree with LTS - Diana would not have felt happy leaving probably what was her only friend with the abuser.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: autolycus
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 07:24 AM

Yes. That'sa why i say do what you can, rather than what you might not or can't.

Ivor

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Bee
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 08:16 AM

I'm sorry your Mom is having such a bad time. It's such an old and familiar story. I'm shocked that the local police are so unhelpful though. Police pretty much everywhere (in Canada at least) have learned to take DV very, very seriously, and most have training in dealing with situations where victims are in danger. Some things they can't do much about (such as retrieving the cat), but if there is a court order for someone to retrieve their belongings, they will have assistance in retrieving them safely.

Even with police on your side, some dtermined abusers will manage to do further harm, so please be very careful.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 08:23 AM

Tami, I've been amazed & horrified & inspired reading this thread. Good on your mother for getting away, and you for everything you've done in spite of lack of official help. And as always, it's fantastic to see Mudcatters gather & offer support & practical advice.

don't let the bastards win. Hugs to you both.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 09:52 AM

Could a former neighbour be persuaded to keep an eye out for the cat and maybe try to nab it with a view to reuniting the two?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 10:05 AM

That might bring the abuser's wrath down on the neighbour, Liz. I feel the same way as you about the cat, but I don't think that'd be a good solution.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM

LtS, I DO have experience from ALL sides of this situation (except being the abuser).

Re: big guys, I said bring them but not in the scary-looking mode-- read my post again.

My remarks about the cat are not aimed at "making Diana happy" but at "keeping Diana ALIVE." Once she is really safe, of course the cat issue can be approached, which is why I pointed out that the SPCA can help in recovery IF she documents that the cat has been stolen or lost AND that she is the actual owner (vet records, etc) so that if the SPCA tries to recover the cat THEY don't get the same cop runaround Tami is getting, or lose a court case if the abuser feels like fighting over the issue as a way of getting at Diana.


I've also been the one whose pets and belongings were abused/destroyed by the abuser. (In my case it was not the spouse but another person in the household, who no longer lives here.) I do not give my advice lightly: One cat was kicked down stairwells so often that eventually his broken pelvis could not heal right. His lack of normal mobility eventually left hiom dead on the road, one bright sunny fall morning. He'd been my only comfort, and there was his bright, gold-orange long hair, riffling in the breeze, when I drove to work. I'm sure you can all tell me what I SHOULD have done about all that, now-- in the time period when that all happened, Mudcat was a source of pain for me, not a source for support.


When I say leave the cat for later, THAT is the memory that comes up, and still I say, PEOPLE FIRST.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: maeve
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 11:04 AM

Any updates from Tami & Co.?

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Janie
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 11:15 AM

I'm with Susan on this one, except I I don't know that I would consider it safe to go out there with anyone EXCEPT armed law enforcement officers.

From what Tami has described, this guy is beyond your garden variety abuser with a bad temper and poor impluse control when he gets drunked up. (and I am not in any way making light of any situation involving domestic abuse.)   He is clearly capable of both implusive and premeditated violence.   

Ripping out phone lines and beating a captive woman for two days indicates a problem that goes well beyond impulse control. And on top of that, he has continued to stalk her via telephone and internet for 6 months now, across several thousand miles.    These are huge red flags that ramp-up the lethality potential by a couple of orders of magnitude.

Just since Friday there have been accounts in the national news of two adult sisters murdered by their father for protecting their mother from more abuse, and a mother and daughter killed by the daughter's estranged boyfriend. In the last month, in regional news, there have several accounts of murders and attempted murders of women and/or children where the perpetrator was the estranged spouse or boyfriend.   The danger here is very, very real.

It is not that the cat doesn't matter. But is the cat worth dying for?

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Alice
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 11:33 AM

Can you take this to authority higher up? County Commission, Congressman, let them know you are not getting law enforceement protection?

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: maeve
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 12:21 PM

Checking in again in hopes of more information...

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: jacqui.c
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 12:23 PM

I talked to Tami last night - they are hoping to go with the repo guys today to retrieve the car. They have accepted, to a degree, that a lot of Diana's belongings, especially the valuable stuff, will not be recovered now and just really want to get back on the road and head for home ASAP.

The cat has gone feral and seems, from what they could see, to be fine. They are not making any further attempt to take it with them.

Tha main problem here is that they headed west with an assurance that the paperwork that had been sent from Maine would give them the protection of the local law enforcement agency but found a sheriff's department that seems to be going out of its way to be unhelpful. To get the paperwork these people want would take more time than Tami and her mother want to spend over there and I know that, once they leave there, they will not want to go back so right now it's all about recovering as much as possible and the car is an essential that they must have to drive back.

It's fine for all of us to sit here and say walk away, even if you can't get your stuff, but more difficult for the woman in that situation, having to start all over again from scratch. That course of action only empowers the abuser, who would perceive it as a victory for him. It is also likely to make the victim feel that they are still in that position and cause even more of a loss of self esteem. Right now I know that horror stories about individual experiences are doing more harm than good and were not what this thread was meant for. These ladies, right now, need practical advice and support from us.

The real shitheads here are the local law. I do wonder if the abuser has ties with anyone there - they certainly seem to be favouring his corner to an unnatural degree. Unfortunately no other law enforcement department will tread on their toes and so Tami and her mother have been left with recourse to any legal protection. That is just not right. As previously stated, getting that legal protection will take more time, and possibly more cash, than they can afford right now - they have enough to do with a cross country drive possibly with worsening weather on the way. They cannot stay in WA indefinitely either. Hence getting the repo guys to recover the car.

I'll update when I next hear from Tami.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 12:36 PM

Right now I know that horror stories about individual experiences are doing more harm than good and were not what this thread was meant for. These ladies, right now, need practical advice and support from us.

I completely agree with you. Please give Tami my love when you speak to her next. Thank you, jacqui.