Lyr Add: The Ballad of Neil the Seal

Subject: Lyr Add: The Ballad of Neil the Seal
From: GUEST,The Ancient Matriarch
Date: 07 Jul 26 - 02:58 PM

The Ballad of Neil the Seal
(Pelican Point, Tasmania, July 2026)
Can be sung to the tune of "Drive the Cold Winter Away"

Neil is a seal, he really is real
He is not a Disney creation
A twenty-two-hundred pound elephant seal
Enjoying a well-earned vacation

Two months a year, he comes waddling up here
On the shoreline of southern Tasmania
I can’t diagnose, but I think he fits most
Of the requisites of egomania

The experts all say to ignore him
He’s only a typical teen
Trying his luck with a car or a truck
So better not get in between

If you approach him, he lunges
Inflating his powerful snout
He’ll go after you and your Subaru too
I think this is called acting out

He lurches out onto the highway
He weighs far too much to be towed
And what he hates most is a log or a post
Or a traffic cone blocking the road

Neil has his own Youtube channel
Thanks all of you well-meaning folks
Who simply enjoy him, and never annoy him
With seal songs or whale songs or jokes

The locals are nice, and give good advice
As he bashes their house and garage
“I think he’s confused,” “I bet he was abused.”
“The poor thing just needs a massage”

Kudos to Neil, Australia’s Great Seal
As he lies in the roadway asleep
We gaze at him snoring, he’s so much less boring
Than kangaroos, wombats, or sheep


In June, the…5-year-old mammal hauled himself onto land for his twice-yearly tour of beachside towns in southern Tasmania…after months of feeding at sea. That's posing problems now that he weighs as much as a small car and has a social media following more than double Tasmania's human population.
https://www.npr.org/2026/07/03/g-s1-131911/australia-trouble-making-seal

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Ballad of Neil the Seal
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 09 Jul 26 - 04:58 AM

I sent this song to a friend in Tasmania

latest - Neil the seal 'may have moved on', Tasmanian wildlife experts say - which includes a link to this interesting snippet - "Animal psychic says she 'telepathically connected' with Neil the seal. So what did he tell her?"

I can't tell you cos I haven't listened!

Subject: Revised! The Ballad of Neil the Seal
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Jul 26 - 12:08 PM

I rewrote

The Ballad of Neil the Seal
Pelican Point, Tasmania, July 2026

        In June, after months of feeding at sea, Neil the elephant seal hauled himself onto land for his semi-annual tour of beachside towns in southern Tasmania.
        Neil has a social media following more than double Tasmania's human population.
        https://www.npr.org/2026/07/03/g-s1-131911/australia-trouble-making-seal

All hail Neil the seal, he really is real
He is not an AI creation
A twenty-two-hundred-pound elephant seal
Enjoying a well-earned vacation

Twice every year, he comes hauling out here
To Tasmania where he was born
He’s molting and itchy, that’s why he’s so twitchy
His skin is all tattered and torn.

He’ll waddle up to us and bellow.
Let’s all take a selfie! He’s sweet!
Not creepy, just sleepy and mellow
I love how he licks Andy’s feet!

Biologists tell us ignore him,
This testosteronified teen
When he tries his luck with a car or a truck
It’s foolish to get in between.

He’ll come gallumphing and humphing and grumphing
Inflating his powerful snout
He’ll jump up on you and your Subaru too,
Behavior we call ‘acting out.’

The thing he hates most is a log or a post
Or a traffic cone blocking the road
A bastion of blubber, a one-tonne landlubber
He weighs far too much to be towed.

The locals are nice and they give good advice
When he bashes up Sheila’s’s garage
I think he’s confused, I bet he was abused,
The poor thing just needs a massage.

Oh bellicose Neil, your appeal is surreal
On Youtube and TikTok and Twitter
Some say you’re too rough, they’ve had quite enough
But no one could call you a quitter.

Kudos to Neil, Australia’s Great Seal
As he lies in the roadway asleep
Listen! He’s snoring! Oi, mates, he’s less boring
Than wallabies, wombats, or sheep.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Ballad of Neil the Seal
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 09 Jul 26 - 06:35 PM

thankyou!

The psychic corresponding with Neil has an American accent - I think she said Neil doesn't like other seals, but I was laughing. Someone else has written a song about Neil, not my style of music, which was followed by an extract from her report! (local News program AM - https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/am- today's episode will be online later)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Ballad of Neil the Seal
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 09 Jul 26 - 06:37 PM

The joy of Neil: How a cheeky seal on Tasmania’s shores brought happiness to the world