BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread

Subject: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: khandu
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 11:55 PM

Joe Offer said it:
"We really could use a Polish Sausage thread in this day and age."

& Joe Offer, Sir, is no igmo!

So here it is...

Discuss all things Polish Sausage here!

k

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 12:15 AM

Kielbassa...beef and pork with garlic, by preference.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 12:19 AM

My Pleasure.

Chicago is well known for it's hot dogs and polish sausage is no exception. The Maxwell Street style polish is a kosher polish with the two essentials: yellow mustard and grilled onions

If you are ever at Chicago's White Sox park, try one off one of those cart grills. It can't possibly get any better.

It is a religious experience.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 12:42 AM

Polish savage? The ones I have met have been quite civilized indeed.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 05:20 AM

And what is wrong with the good old fashioned British Banger?

We had some lovely ones this week..... made with organically reared 'outdoor' pork - actually tasted of meat, rather than rusk and water.

I've met a few Poles, even danced with one or two, and they all seem very nice to me (with one exception, but he was too fond of Polands' popular liquid export).

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 05:31 AM

Dry kabano's.
yunny, eric

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 05:48 AM

I don't really think this is an appropriate subject for a thread. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with sausage polishing, I just don't think it's something we need to talk about. If khandu or Spaw or Tweed wants to polish his sausage in the privacy of his own home that's his business and none of mine.

Okay, okay, I'll admit it, I've polished my sausage a few times. Hasn't everyone?   Well... everyone that has a sausage, that is. Sorta difficult to polish what you weren' t born with. But that doesn't mean you can't polish someone else's sausage. In fact, there are lots of people that don't have their own sausage that make good money polishing other people's sausages for them. Seems sorta lazy to me. Why would anyone want to give someone else $50.00 to polish their sausage when they could do it themselves for free?

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Hrothgar
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 05:52 AM

Oops, we've hit a snag!

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dead Horse
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 08:45 AM

So why does Bruce need a shiny sausage?
The mere thought of having my sausage buffed up with wire wool & Brillo pads leaves me speechless (almost). I much prefer my sausages to be matt or, at most, satin.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 09:39 AM

Most polish sausage jobs do not have high gloss as a requirement. Anyone knows that different polish have different techniques -- polishing something hard requires different materials than polishing something soft. Think of steel and softwood for example. You can use powders, steel wool and so on, but for the very soft things like sausage, you might want a polishing cream, jelly, or lip gloss.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 09:46 AM

just call me obscure but I'm getting bizzare images of French Polish and French letters......... 'praps it is all that meths.....

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Tinker
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 09:49 AM

Traditional Pairings would be more likey to combine Polish Sausage Polishing with Prize Pierogi Pinchers like Marie. Having grown up only one town over from the festival celebrating the worlds largest sausage, I can testify that variety is the spice of life. I have to confess perferring Linguica & Chourico in my youth.

Tinker

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 09:59 AM

I think the advantage of paying for a good polish is in the level of satisfaction. Sometimes things are best left to a pro but at other times they are not. If you are after a generally good polish then the pro is the way to go but for those times when only the best will do, no one can know the details of your sausage better than you.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 10:07 AM

Personally, I have always found that Brasso gives the best polish.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: khandu
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 10:56 AM

Well, Joe Offer, can I help it if "polish" & "Polish" are spelled the same? Is it my fault that this serious thread has gotten waylaid by those whose mind run to things perverse?

Perhaps this is time to reconsider the Mudcat format! Perhaps the PTB should consider a more extensive filtering of the members!

BTW, Joe, do you have a "pro" do your sausage polishing?

k

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Charley Noble
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 11:03 AM

I wouldn't post to this thread with a 10-foot pole.

Besides, my aunts always stuffed their sausage into cabbage leaves and baked it that-a-way. They could have done wurst!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Max
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 11:06 AM

Being primarily Polish, I'd like to thank you for this thread. We Poles don't ever get the opportunity to talk about our sausages. One of our finest exports and no one seems to know how truly great they are.

My Polish Sausage may be the finest thing my parents ever gave me.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 11:13 AM

Fortunately they also gave you instructions for it's use as well............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 11:33 AM

I never met a sausage I didn't like. I am, of course, referring to the kind you buy at the market and fry in a pan. I am especially fond of knockwurst - the real kind, not those goofy knock-off knockwursts Oscar Meyer likes to make.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peg
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 11:34 AM

a   nice, fast, yummy idea for dinner:
make some couscous (garlic and parmesan or mushroom flavor are good). Slice and saute some   kielbasa. Saute some veggies in   butter or olive oil (mushrooms, brocooli and zucchini make   a nice combo; add a bit of lemon juice when they're done). Serve veggies and sausage over the couscous. This is easy and convenient to make when camping, too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 11:44 AM

My dear friends,

As you know I rarely post outside of my own little area of the Mudcat Cafe but the title of this particular compendium of letters attracted my professional curiosity, given that I am much asked about polishing matters.

My principle concern, as a member of the medical profession, is to help people and I feel that Mr Bee-dubya-ell may well need my assistance here.

Dear Mr Bee-dubya-ell,

You quote $50.00 but I fear you are being charged excessively for your polishing thread. You will see that

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: GUEST,The Sausage Queen
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 11:46 AM

Hi there, boys ! May I introduce myself ? Anything I can help you with ?

THE SAUSAGE QUEEN

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 11:52 AM

(oh dear...this interweb thingy has let me down again...!)

.....Sutton Tools of the United Kingdom

are only charging £6.50 (excluding value added tax) for their finest hand polishing thread. At today's exchange rate this equates to $11.51. This means that you could potentially save $38.49 and, as Mr Catspaw49 so correctly states, nobody knows your sausage better that you do, nor can give it as fine a polishing job.

Your most sincerely ( and pro bono)

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 01:48 PM

Probably the only thing better than doing the job yourself is to have a Chinese girl do it for you. Knew a guy with a priapic condition (for all you dumbasses, that's a boner that just won't quit) and he met this nice Chinese girl who was really interested in him. They were sitting on the couch and she was whispering in his ears, running her tongue around them, and things were progressing along. He asked her if she could help him with his "condition" and she said, "Oh yes. You need a wax job." He had his sausage polished before on many occasions but figured this was something especially Oriental and so he agreed.

She left the room and came back with two flat paddles, a ball of colored ribbons, and some handcuffs. Once again she ran her tongue around both his ears and then took down his pants. Without comment, she took his priapic member and laid it on one of the paddles, gently tying it in place with the ribbon. Again she kissed both cheeks and delicately ran her tongue around his ears. Then she handcuffed both hands behind his back and picked up the other paddle. She raised it high above her head and with a loud shriek, slapped it down on top of the other, flattening his willie between them. The guy's entire body stiffened as though it were undergoing an electrical shock......and the wax shot out of his ears.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Big Mick
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 01:58 PM

One of the things I thank my first wife for (in addition to two wonderful children) is introducing me to the wonders of sausage polish. Now, everyone who has hung around in these neighborhoods knows there are several varieties. Smoked and fresh. I have considered trying to serve my sausage smoked, but for the life of me could not get past the mental imagery. So I stick to serving it fresh.

And I must say that the restraint I have seen in this thread is admirable, but not bound to last for long.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 02:13 PM

That's a nasty way of clearing out ear wax. I hear candles work as well.
I recieved a lovely 10" polished sausage for Christmas this year. It has a high resin polish, made of wood with a little grass skirt attached to the base of it, which is attached to a butt reciprocal (ash tray). I know I will have to give it a good polish often for it to retain it's high glossy appearance.
Yes I do hob-nob with the best and I have sick little friends. Along with the 10" highly polished wood sausage, I recieved a tray of 1" baby sausages that can be polished off in one bite.

Peace, Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 02:39 PM

I've never liked the idea of polishing with wire wool and other such abrasives. I've always preferred soft cotton and a good clean chamois.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 02:47 PM

Spaw, haven't you told that story before? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 04:45 PM

Awright. Given the fact that I am the one who launched the idea upon which this thread is based...that's right me...not Joe Offer....

I expect royalties from all of you. Now.

Ten bucks a post, payable to the William Shatner School of Baaad Acting, Orillia, Ontario, Canada.

The nerve, crediting it to Joe Offer!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 06:57 PM

Lubriderm lotion has been shown to be the best compound for sausage polishing. If the price for genuine Lubriderm seems a little steep, "generic" equivalents such as those available at Wal-Mart or Dollar General Stores will work fairly well.

Please ignore all suggestions about using steel wool, wire brushes or any other abrasive tool or substance for sausage polishing. And under no circumstance should one use any rotary buffing or grinding appliances including handrill-mounted buffing wheels, angle grinders or belt sanders. However, very satisfactory results have been obtained using oscillating or orbital sanders. Just be sure to remove the sandpaper first.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: harpgirl
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 07:29 PM

I heard they call it Vienna sausage in Ohio!

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 08:34 PM

I wish to make clear that the Bruce above (Bee-dubya-ell) is Bruce, not Bruce. We are different people. I would not stoop to writing anything with double entendres on a serious thread. Bruce would. This thread is about sausage. I think it should be kept that way. Dirty remarks don't befit the members of Mudcat. That Bruce might contribute to lascivious postings, but not this Bruce. I am, quite frankly, disgusted. Bruce, I hope you heard that.

So, about this sausage polish and the fifty dollar polishers. Jeeze, ya gotta hand it to 'em. Different strokes for different folks. Speaking of which, I would think the sausage has to be stroked in a single direction to prevent blistering of the skin before it is inserted into the warmer for heating. Or have I misunderstood something here? Bruce will no doubt find something off-colour in what I have written. His mind works that way. Mine doesn't.

Bruce (the other Bruce, not that Bruce.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 08:47 PM

Bruce, you disgust me! (Now go ahead. Fight over which Bruce it was I was referring to...)

Actually, most sausages can be stroked in both directions without impairing the effectiveness of the warming process or affecting the spicy taste. Boiling is considered too severe, and can cause the sausage to burst, so simply warm gradually at a low simmer. Sausages can be frozen for safe-keeping. They will shrink a little from the cold, but that is no cause for alarm, because warming them again will restore them to full size.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: GUEST,The Sausage Queen
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 08:51 PM

Little Hawk, much as I would wish to pay you 10 dollars (oh, it'll be 20 dollars now, won't it, once this has been posted) as you are the rightful owner of this thread, I regret that this is impossible for me. Like Her Majesty Queen Elisabeth II, I am also a Regal Lady who Does Not Carry Cash. HOWEVER, I would be delighted to recompense such a charming gentleman as yourself in some other way, of your choosing, and look forward to your suggestions.

THE SAUSAGE QUEEN

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 09:00 PM

Oh, Sausage Queen,
Oh, Sausage Queen,
I fail to see just what you mean.
Oh, Little Hawk,
Oh, Little Hawk,
The Sausage Queen desires your suggestions.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 01:05 AM

Phooey on kielbasa! Phooey on Polish sausage!

Linguica! (There's a little tail under the "c" but I'm not gonna go through the trouble to put it in right now.) Good linguica from the Cape Verde Islands or Massachusettes or Portugal.

I shall refraim from comments about how cunning linguica can be....

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 04:11 AM

My mother always told me to prick sausages with a fork to stop them exploding.

Sometimes I wonder how I turned out so nice and normal.

Mind you, there have been times when I can see her point.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 04:16 AM

And to the nurse walking down the hallway with a pail of extremely hot water: "No, no! I said prick his boil, Nurse Eliot, prick his boil!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 08:59 AM

Linguica is the natural host of double-entendres, by the way,

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peg
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 10:47 AM

Andouille all agree this has gone far enough?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Big Mick
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 10:51 AM

Peg......ouch.....Art will be very proud of you.....that was terrible.....I loved it.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 11:23 AM

They do say that if you tuck your arm under your body, and lie on it till it goes numb,and then polish your sausage, it feels like someone else is doing it for you. How's that for a way to save 50 bucks?
John

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 11:30 AM

Giok: Who is this "they" you've been hanging out with? And, do they things like that very often? :>)


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 12:14 PM

John, I tried that. Couldn't open my hand. Spent all day with a tingling arm and a fist. My arm was in front of my face, so I looked threatening. I was cussed, and two guys took a punch at me.

Oh, yeah. I suppose I shouldn't have had my middle finger raised when I put my hand and arm to sleep, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dead Horse
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 02:15 PM

My favourite method of Sausage Polishing (Saustabation?)
First you must lubricate your sausage with honey, then insert said sausage into a hole in a small shoe box, which has been pre-stocked with bumble bees.
The bumble bees should, of course, have one wing removed.
The rotary action of the one winged bumble bees encircling your sausage will give it a real good polishing in no time.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 02:18 PM

"Yeah, but don't the bees living in the shoebox die?"
"Well, fock'em! It's only a hobby!"

(old joke).


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 02:43 PM

Dat am de wurst joke I heard in ages DH.
John

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 07:19 PM

Not that I'm interested or anything, but where would a guy get the one-winged bees from? Just idle curiousity. Does it have to be a shoe box? More idle curiousity. Do you cut the hole out first?

David W Ondering

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: khandu
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 09:43 PM

Just you wait til Joe Offer shows up! He'll straighten all you funny guys out!
Just you wait!!

k

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 10:40 PM

I'd feel sheepish sending money to the William Shatner School of Baaad Acting...