Thought for the day - October 17

Subject: Thought for the day - October 17
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 12:25 AM

A couple more from Milan Kundera's The Incredible Lightness of Being:

Guided by his sense of beauty, an individual transforms a fortuitous occurrence (Beethoven's music, death under a train) into a motif, which then assumes a permanent place in the composition of the individual's life......Without realising it, the individual composes his life according o the laws of beauty even in times of greatest distress.

and....

She was thinking of the days of Johann Sebastian Bach, when music was like a rose blooming on a boundless snow-covered plain of silence.

On the other hand.....

Abroad, she discovered that the transformation of music into noise was a planetary process by which mankind was entering the historical phase of total ugliness. The total ugliness to come had made itself felt first as omnipresent acoustical ugliness: cars, motorcyles, electric guitars, drills, loudspeakers, sirens. The omnipresence of visual ugliness would soon follow.

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 01:23 AM

Tonight I am thinking of the ugliness of life. We came home from a dreary party at midnight and found 23 calls from Lutheran Social Services. One of our kids that we had in foster care and loved a lot was thrown out of her house by her mother. M was calling to ask our help, we've always been there for her.

You see, she came to us when her adoptive mother couldn't take it any longer and quite literally told our agency that they had to do something.....this was 2 years after the adoption had been finalized...but I guess adopted kids are always able to be sent back huh? I AM SO GAWDDAMN BITTER RIGHT NOW(*&)Pdghsfgjumnjh hmnjhnjmhnjnjm

Anyway, our agency took her in and got some therapy and even a special school thing going for her. After a year and a half, Mom demands to get HER child back. Mom's a big mucky muck with the Wendy's company and Dave subsidizes employee adoptions. This couple had previously and sucessfully adopted another sibling group prior to M's. The problem was that M and her brother and sister were an INCREDIBLY bad match for this couple, but NO ONE could tell them so. So after shitting on us with anger and hostility, good old Mom got M back....and to the credit of M she has hung in and tried to play the game for 5 years. She is now 18. Mom said "Fuck you you little bitch...Go it ALONE"...so she's now at the center for the night, and safe. She has to leave at 7:30 in the morning and I will be there to pick her up. But she cannot stay here. We have a 17 year old male in care who is....well a 17 year old male. Plus we've been told several times in the past few years when M has shown up after a big bruhaha with her TRULY BITCH KITTY "Mother" that even when M is 18 she puts our foster license in jeopardy (# of adults in the home). She was severely physically and sexually abused from birth to age 5 when she originally entered foster care and living here with another teen is inviting disaster.........Jesus Christ..I got no idea what the hell we're going to do, but tomorrow we'll work hard on it....got some "maybe" ideas on living places, but none are too good or too solid..............awgawdam.She's a wonderful kid with lots of problems, but as sweet as they come and wonderful with small kids and MRDD folks. She's in Connie's Activity Therapist Program and will do a great job in that field someday. But now its all so fucki BLACKMMNNNNNQE4WFTZXDFDFVGFGVGGF

I gotta stop before I break the keyboard;.......I may be a little tied up for a few days.......and I don't know why I'm telling all this to y'all......Sorry

I just have a hard time seeing the beauty here sometimes..........Also why I ain't got a gun in the house cause right now I wanna' kill somebody!!!!!!When the hell are we going to get around to laws that are worth a shit in this country? When am I going to find a social worker with the balls to do the right thing AND keep their job!!!! sorry

Spaw

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 03:22 AM

You hang in there, Catspaw. You cut through the garbage and find the diamond, buddy.

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: wildlone
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 03:40 AM

Think it out Spaw, You know all your friends at MC are thinking of you.
With a man as good as you help can come from the unlikliest of sources.
yours the wild one

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 07:28 AM

Catspaw, M is very fortunate to have someone like you who cares so much about her.
Little Neo

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: Big Mick
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 07:45 AM

I am hurting so bad for reading this 'Spaw. You remember me telling you about David? This reminds me so much of him. I wish to hell I could help you with this, buddy. Sometimes being the only safety net between these kids and eternity gets real tough. And then when one mucks it up by actually caring about them, well, you get tired and worn out sometimes. Geez, but I wish I could say something other than I am here for you............Hang in, pal.

Mick

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 09:49 AM

Oh, Spaw, I am so sorry and sad and angry for and with you. This is not good for your big ole heart, besides! You will find a solution, I am sure.

Your story reminds me so much of our little girl scout, from Columbia, who was aopted by a family with three older boys. After several years, the boys becoming teens and the girl having a mind of her own, the *mother* decided she just couldn't handle having a girl, even though that is exactly what they went looking for when they decided to adopt. The bytch was a high mucky muck just like yours. My co-leader and I tried as much as we could, through scouts, to help her self-esteem etc. but she had big time problems because of what Columbia had been like for her and then with the major rejection she was feeling from this *family* she was supposed to be a part of and had opened her heart up to trusting. I don't know what happened to Yolanda. I know she was beautiful, shy, but we did connect. I do know another scout we had, another beautiful girl, who had been through all kinds of weird life stuff and abuse, and was being raised by puritanical grandparents, wound up being a phone sex worker in Nevada. Some we can help, some just go beyond.

Pat, take a minute to breathe deep, listen to the Golden Ring Reunion, and let that blood pressure drop down and your heartbeat slow down, dearie. We are all sending you good thoguhts and remember how powerful that was last time? I will clal you later, today. Take care. We love you.

kat/SageWalker

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: Jeri
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 09:50 AM

Spaw, I wish I could say or do something that would help. M. knows there is love for her and dependable people in the world because of you. We can't stop all the evil or make the world perfect, we can only do our best to share the good.

The only way to win out over the ugly noises is to keep playing your song louder and longer. People who are desperately listening for beauty will hear the song, no matter how buried in ugliness.

Love, Jeri

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 18 Oct 99 - 04:58 PM

Patsclaw, that great big heart of yours is a most vital resource: take care of it, watch your anger--justified though it may be. Take some time to sit and play and sing (the best meditation I know of) and let your spirit revive. And continue the good fight, buddy. --seed

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: Bert
Date: 18 Oct 99 - 05:13 PM

Phewee 'Spaw, I know exactly what you mean about the gun. There's just some people we don't need on this earth.

I'm thinking of you, but feeling pretty helpless.
Stick it out and kick a few walls. Tell M. that there are lots of us here at Mudcat who are rooting for her.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: Magpie
Date: 18 Oct 99 - 05:43 PM

Just imagine what that girl's life would have been without YOU!!

Although you may not think so at the moment, although you may feel it's all useless, remember that knowing that there's somebody out there that loves her and cares for her might just be what it takes for her to manage.

You have all my sympathy. Wish there was something I could do.

Magpie

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Oct 99 - 05:49 PM

I spoke with 'Spaw and Karen, yesterday afternoon. "M" was there for the day and sounded very happy. Karen & Pat are both determined to find a solution for her. She has a lot going for her, on her own, and with them as her champions. They had worked out a lot of ideas for help and were expecting to hear back on some of them today. All three of them sounded great.

If you haven't already seen it, please see Peter T.'s posting for 'Spaw in today's Thought for the day thread. You will understand when I say they are truly blessed bodhisattvas.

What wonderful people you all are.

luvyaKat

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: annamill
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 09:59 AM

'spaw, I'm sorry for your pain and I understand your anger. Maybe this will help. I went out on my own when I was 18 years old. Home was just too tough, so I left. Some of the most enjoyable times of my life was then. I went to NY and lived in the village and met many of the people we talk about here in the Mudcat. I learned a lot about life and I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I didn't have anyone to help me. I was alone, but I made it and have a lot to look back on. "M" has you. Help her find a job, help her find an apartment. Help her to take some classes to improve her life. Keep her busy with getting on with her life. I know it doesn't look good right now, but this may be the best thing that ever happened, except for meeting you and Karen. I'm one of those people who see the glass half full, and sometimes it is. This may be one of those times. I hope so and I wish "M" well.

Love, annap

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: DougR
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 01:14 PM

Spaw, like Vixen, I had to go back a ways to hear "the rest of the story." Unfortunately the newspapers are full of similar stories and it happens far to often. Just today, the Arizona Republic reported on a "Mother" who offered her six year old daughter to men for oral sex in order to raise money to support the mother's drug habit. She had nine children and all of them had been abused one way or the other all of the time they were with their birth mother. These are bad times, but thank goodness there are folks like you and many others who do care and try to right the wrongs these young people have been exposed to. God Bless, DougR

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 06:38 PM

Unfortunately, the children of druggies are sexually exploited more often than not. this isn't news to some of you, but the rest probably need to know it. It's another ugly fact of the seamy side.

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: Helen
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 03:58 AM

'Spaw,

With this much passionate care I know that you, Karen and M will find a solution, and it seems pretty obvious to me that M has formed a strong attachment to you over a long period of time so I am sure that her trust and faith in the two of you will contribute mightily to finding the best possible outcome - by that I mean that she probably already has the commitment to finding the solution herself and so you will all be working proactively together.

Keep at it, but make sure that you look after yourselves too - all of you.

Lots of love Helen

Subject: RE: Thought for the day - October 17
From: kendall
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 01:12 PM

I just ran across this thread, and, all I can say is: I hear you my friend. We had nearly the same experience a few years ago. K wound up on the street selling herself, and the last I knew she was in a double lock facility somewhere in the mid west. You are dead right about not having her and a 17 year old boy. That was part of K's problem. It's a heart breaker all right.