Curmudgeon In Hospice - [November 2013]

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: fat B****rd
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 03:00 PM

I'm late coming to this but I'm sending best regards and thoughts,
Charlie.

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 02:53 PM

Today is probably the closest I'm going to come to a "pajama day" in the foreseeable future. No appointments today and no one is coming over. I don't have to go out at all for any reason.

Does this mean I have the day off? Well, noooo...

Today I'm getting caught up on the stuff around the house that I haven't been able to get done for about three weeks. I indexed ALL of Tom's freelance articles from 1995-1999 (I'd already done 1994) and I'm partway to getting the information into a Word file.

I also got some laundry done (including hand washing), dried some laundry, and ran the dishes through. Made a nice late breakfast, so I'm just now (2:45) heating up some leftovers for a light "lunch". Hope to get my bed changed, the kitchen compost taken out, a bunch of stuff schlepped to the cellar, the rollator out of the car and Tom's old wheelchair put into the car. I have to check my list as to what else I'm trying to get done today. Some emailing, too. Don't think I'll have time to vacuum, but I should probably sweep...out of respect for my seldom-used vacuum cleaner. (Why overload it?)

And I went over the agenda for tomorrow's PMFF board meeting with Tom and made notes for use at the meeting.

Tomorrow is the PMFF board meeting and it will probably be a long one -- Tom will be there in a wheelchair. But it will be capped by dinner at The Press Room (where I'll have some needed help getting Tom in and out -- I won't need help at the library which is handicapped accessible).

Monday it starts in again -- Emergency Response people coming at 10:30 to set up Tom's emergency button, Tom's physical therapist at noon, and Tom's CFI caseworker around 3-ish. I'll have to check my calendar for Tuesday (but I'm pretty sure the visiting nurse will be here), and Wednesday Tom has an appointment at the wound clinic.

ChanteyLass, I use the declutter thread as my "support group" in between Tom's medical adventures threads.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 01:30 PM

I'm glad you now know how to use the wheelchair safely. I wish that had happened when it was delivered. I hope the sting no longer bothers you, and I hope you are finally getting some downtime. I don't know about you, but sometimes I think I need to write in ink in my calendar, "Hermit Day." Then if anyone calls to ask if I want to do something, I can honestly say, "Oh, let me check my calendar. Uh-oh! I'm sorry but I already have plans for that day."

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 08:59 PM

We're "listening"... and crossing our fingers you get your "day of rest" SOON!

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 12:56 PM

The people from the wheelchair company are coming tomorrow, but Tom's physical therapist was just here and showed us some of the fine points of this new chair -- and it IS a really nice one, heavier duty and safer than his old one.

I think the seat hadn't been properly locked down (it snaps into curved receptacles on the base) when it was delivered. And we were unaware that it even HAD this safety feature.

The therapist gave us the short course of all the adjustments -- and Tom can decide tomorrow when the tech is here if he wants it the same height as his old one (a bit lower than the new one is right now) because that adjustment needs to be done by a tech with the right tools.

The arms also swing out of the way or come off so Tom will be able to practice the concertina in the wheelchair which he couldn't before.

Basically when the chair was dropped off on Monday, the delivery guy didn't do ANYTHING he was supposed to other than drop the chair off and see that Tom could sit in it and move across the living room. I asked one question about brake adjustment (since that's the problem with his old chair) and he said his company takes care of all that so just call. And then he was gone. I read on the delivery slip he was supposed to walk us through all the features and adjustments and maintenance requirements, etc.

As I said earlier, it's probably working out for the best because it shows that the emergency button COULD be helpful in an emergency when I'm not in the immediate vicinity, so we'll get that.

Everything is being taken care of in due time...and right now I have to get the bread pudding I've been trying to make since Sunday made and in the oven and the smoked scallop chowder for dinner tonight made before we leave for Tom's PCP appointment this afternoon.

By the way, the wasp sting doesn't hurt today, but it itches and is a little red and hard. Hydrocortisone cream...it'll go away in due time as well.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 11:08 AM

Yeah.....I think you're right Bill......pretty clear. So Linn, you will always have best thoughts , both of you, for things to smooth out a bit and give you the time and you need. And I'll be happy to listen and provide an ear.

I will also take a piece of my own advice which I often give to other floundering jadrools around here: I'll grab a seat in the corner, have a Coke and a smile, and shut the fuck up.

Much Love

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 10:26 AM

Well...all that's clear enuf! ;>)

Because of Mudcat, you have more people 'concerned' than you actually know personally. Brainstorming ideas is a popular hobby, but just being aware and being that moral support is all most of us can actually do... and so be it.

We are already meditating and concentrating and sending messages to the Weather Gods for a mild Winter.

Take care... ♥♥♥

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 09:22 AM

Ya know, thank you all for your concern, but I'm not really looking for advice.

We KNOW the options, we KNOW things that can be done to make life simpler (and, hey, anybody notice? I got a free recliner for Tom in less than two days and a new wheelchair in three), we KNOW what services are available either under Medicare, his supplemental insurance, VNA, CFI/Medicaid, Community Action, etcet etcet.

All I need is TIME. We have friends close by who can help when I need help (and when it fits into both our schedules). And I can really use ONE LOUSY DAY of down time so I can recover from the past two weeks. Just ONE DAY of nobody coming to the house, no appointments to go to, and nothing critical that HAS to be done on a deadline.

I am an experienced caregiver, I've taken courses in caregiving and read books on the subject, but most of all I have PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE and resources. And I know when to call on those resources.

Mudcat is a major resource for me as a PLACE TO VENT. You are my support group -- moral support. I can't complain to Tom and talking to the cats is mostly useless. (But don't tell them that.)

Tom is intelligent, alert, learning to cope with his blindness and other disabilities. He's not shy about asking for help when he needs it. He has no problems being alone for awhile and is very aware of the fact -- especially when he's alone -- he needs to think things through and avoid potentially dangerous maneuvers.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: billybob
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 08:53 AM

Dear Linn,

mother has an emergency button ( care line in the UK) even though she is never left on her own, I am aware that if I,or Billy, fell down or were taken ill while we were looking after her then that would be our only way to get help! It also has a smoke alarm and carbon monoxide alarm connected to it. Do hope you get one really soon?

Just sending you love and hope you get a few days stress free so you can both recover.

Wendy xxxx

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 06:02 AM

Good grief. How harrowing for you. Not that what I think means anything, but I do hope you get the emergency button for Tom.

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 02:12 AM

I suspect you have a liability claim against the wheelchair manufacturer and/or its reps both for failing to train and for having a defective product. that is what their insurance is for...i hope someone with a legal or insurance background can advise you...it could be enough to rough in a handicapped bathroom in the small private room...a man just days out of the hospital iwth reduced heart function lying next to a chamber pot for several hours does not make for good publicity.

you and SRS are right about getting that room ready...if stuff can not be sold, recycled, stored elsewhere it still would be better to put some in the living stacked up..safely and out of the way of course..in order to give tom a private room. i keep focusing on the toilet situation but it is the probably most important consideration in keeping independence, pride etc...and using a private room vs. a living room is better for both the patient and other family members who might not want to have guests etc. in a room with toilet facilities if there is another option..

I I hop e \\ that people will step forward to do the physical moving of stuff...some can probably go right out the door and some can have delayed decisions...and you will have your living room back for guests, reading etc....

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 10:20 PM

I am glad you were able to get out but sorry you came home to a crisis. The crises seem to be coming far too often. (Well, I suppose one crisis qualifies as "far too often.") I want Tom to be safe. I want you to be able to get the down-time you want and need. I want to be able to give you more real hugs but also to do something useful. You've got a lot to sort out to make both your lives calmer. Sending love.

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 08:23 PM

It probably feels like people are piling on, but they're not - we all want you both to be well-cared for in a way that works for both of you. Unless you can grow another pair of arms, renting good help is the answer.

I'm glad Jeri was able to get you out for a few hours. Don't let the unexpected wheelchair failure stop future excursions for yourself. I hate those commercials for the button, but it does sound like this is a good time for it. If the thing that will make all of the difference is the empty room for the bed and the commode, what needs to happen to empty that room now? Can someone rent one of those PODS for you and a group of people come over and fill the pod with room contents? Whether it stays there or moves off-site for a while, space is the thing you need, so I hope you'll let people help you make it so. And I wish I didn't live 2000 miles away.

SRS (this time thinking inside the box)

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 07:51 PM

Yes, I'm with Mary and Pat as well. This is far too much.

I only say that because Tom is no longer the invulnerable person he was ten years ago. He probably knows that but it's so hard to accept it.

I had to take my father's car keys away at the age of 92 but, shit, he was almost blind and almost completely deft. He wasn't pleased but there really wasn't any other good moral choice.

I hope when I'm similarly incapacitated my younger friends and family will have the strength to make such decisions for me. I doubt if I'll be very appreciative but that would be the right decision.

Love,
Charlie

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 07:47 PM

Tom IS safe alone for short periods. He doesn't attempt things he knows will be unsafe like using the stove or the toaster oven. He can no longer make coffee or pour it for himself, so he can't injure himself attempting it. I make the coffee for him, pour it, put the cream in and stir it. If I'll be gone over mealtime, I leave him a meal that doesn't have to be heated or anything and where there are no obstacles to getting it.

His falls (except for the one where he broke his ankle) were ALL the result of Ambien, which he no longer takes. He hasn't fallen in the night since he stopped taking Ambien.

He has no infection -- we keep very close tabs on that because he has replacement heart parts.

I'm trying to clear out the other room on the ground floor for a single bed (he doesn't need a hospital bed) and his commode -- so he has a real bed and has more privacy than in the living room.

I'm the person who needs to take him to medical appointments -- NOT A STRANGER. He doesn't want Meals On Wheels (even if they were available -- I think most of the funding has been cut) and wouldn't eat them. He also doesn't want someone else bathing him (although I certainly wouldn't mind). What I do need (and his case manager from CFI/Medicaid is meeting with us soon) is someone to come in once a week or so and vacuum and dust and maybe clean the bathroom and kitchen. I change his dressings most of the time as the visiting nurses only come twice a week. (And I do a better job of it than they do.)

No, he's not a veteran. Yes, he's got good Medicare coverage (and Supplemental) as well as CFI/Medicaid (which so far hasn't done a damned thing).

Tom has had so much taken away from him -- his voice, his mobility, and his eyesight. By the way, how much he see varies not only from day-to-day, but at different times of the day. He's still learning how to be blind -- because it changes. One thing he NEEDS, really really NEEDS, is to be able to do as much as he can by himself. But he knows when to call me to help. And he's got all of his marbles. Thank God! No impairment of his brain. And he has learned to anticipate potentially dangerous situations and avoid them. (And I'm with him through all his medical stuff to keep doctors who don't know him from accidently killing him. We both trust his PCP and his cardiologist.)

The wheelchair company is getting a phone call first thing tomorrow morning. I don't know what the problem actually was today, but the chair collapsed and I can't get it opened up so Tom can sit in it. Their delivery person did NOT do the "training" or relay the information that he should have. Tom is in his old wheelchair for the time being -- but it has its own set of problems.

Right now I just need a day of nobody coming over and not having to go anywhere. And not having anything that needs immediate attention. Just a day -- to recover from the past two weeks of stress and spending as much time in the car between the house and hospital as I spent at the hospital with Tom. And, of course, nothing getting done around the house that needed to be done (which adds to the stress).

Believe it or not, HE needs some time to himself, too. And the EMTs are just down at the end of the road, so I think that emergency button would be a good idea just to be on the safe side.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 07:05 PM

Yeah Linn..........Not trying to run your life but I'm with Mary here. You need to have someone with Tom 24-7 pretty much so you can take care of things that need done and take care of yourself too. Right now though Tom is not safe to be alone. This will take some adjustments on his part and yours but until things improve one helluva' lot you have no options. If I were in Tom's position I would have been been frightened as hell although I would not want to say so. I got over that after an episode in the hospital and now I am open to my far too many frailties.

You need help......He needs help. Get some help. I too apologize for the bluntness.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: mg
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 06:52 PM

Sounds like some damages should be expected from the wheelchair company. For one thing, in compensation, you could ask for a hospital bed that raises and lowers. I don't think it is safe for him to sleep on a couch with all the problems he has. Likewise, the toilet has to be very secure and not moveable. A chamber pot and also a commode move around. Also, have you checked out the incenolet or whatever they are called burning toilets? No emptying of chamber pots etc. Do you have someone who can draft a legal letter to the wheelchair place?

It would be good if you described the layout of the house again, because someone who has experience in these issues could make suggestions. It sounds like he does not have all the assistive devices that he could get through Medicare or wherever..

Has every expert been called on in this case? Occupational therapist? Blindness combined with 20% heart function combined with ongoing infection and wheelchair use combined with unstable furniture is not good for him or for you. It sounds like you were eligible for a caretaker for at least some hours...but it could not be you. Take advantage of it, especially in the morning when you could sleep and he could be given a nice breakfast, his coffee, perhaps be taken for a walk, taken to an early appointment. Does pharmacy deliver? Take prescriptions by fax? Can't the doctor phone in prescriptions? It is all too much for you to take care of but others would be willing and eager perhaps to check things out like eligibility for medicare assistance (and is he a veteran? THere are many helps there). There are lots of librarians here...they can operate from Saudi Arabia to help you deal with all this...and also check on respite care opportunities with him either going into a place for a week or so for you to get some rest or an in-house caregiver with you going somewhere else for a rest.

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: GUEST,SINS
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 06:38 PM

Tom isn't safe alone, Linn. It is time to sort out alternative care that leaves you free to come and go. The emergency button is a good step but what happens if he tries to get some coffee and burns himself or starts a fire?
Falls in the night; falls during the day. He wanders and can't see. He is an accident waiting to happen.
Sorry to be so blunt.
It is time to speak with his doctors about the next step.
If you or anyone else wants to ream me out for this, I understand.
I am genuinely worried about Tom.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 05:53 PM

First...Tom is okay. He's not hurt. But he spent the afternoon on the floor next to a collapsed wheelchair.

Let's start at the beginning. Jeri "kidnapped" me this afternoon for lunch and a beach walk. Tom was situated and fine when I left and I'd made his lunch and left it in a convenient place. My cell was on if he needed to reach me. (He's the only one who knows the number and I only have it on when I'm out and he's at home.)

Not long after we left, he needed to use his chamber pot (which he felt more secure using in this case than his commode) which was on the floor next to his bed. He did so successfully. Then he went to sit back down in the wheelchair and it collapsed. He went down, too, of course.

So when I came in about 4 hours later, I found him lying on his side on the floor between his bed and the recliner with the wheelchair collapsed and on its side on the floor, and his bedside things scattered. He said he had thought about taking the cordless phone with him, but had left it on the table on the other side of the room.

He was fine, but couldn't get up and I couldn't safely get him up, so I called 911 for a lift assist. I also couldn't properly expand the wheelchair. It's the one that was delivered yesterday and the delivery sheet said we should have been instructed in maintenance, etc. but all the guy did was set it up, get Tom into it and let him try it out, and then he left.

So that's another phone call that has to be made tomorrow morning.

Poor Tom never got his lunch either, of course.

We hadn't thought he needed one of those emergency buttons to wear around his neck, but after this, I think he does and will let the appropriate person know about that right away tomorrow morning as well.

The wasp sting still hurts, combination of burning and being stabbed with a needle, but I'm sure it will be okay. But meanwhile, I'm a bit too shaken to make the smoked scallop chowder I was going to make for dinner, so we'll have leftover meatloaf with mushroom gravy and nice little potatoes.

And I think I need a large glass of wine...right now!

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Hollowfox
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 04:44 PM

Gaaa...I've got to check in at the 'Cat more often, Well, when I get home from work, I'm firing up the $@#!-reduction candles for both you and Tom (the start of a series, coming soon to your local theater). I hope things settle down soon. Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: GUEST,sciencegeek51
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 01:05 PM

Can't help with your caregiving.... but I can help you find relief for those nasty wasp stings... not folkflore because I use it all the time to treat stings. I get it from my local farm supply store because it's been years since I've seen it carried at a regular drugstore. There are 3 Tractor Supply stores in NH, but I suspect that the gas & time would be more hassle than ordering online.

It's a petroleum by product & smells like it... but apply to the sting ASAP to reduce the spread of the venom & cover loosely with gauze or tissue to keep it from staining fabric. If done within minutes of the sting, all you will have to deal with is a red spot that may itch a little. It is something I try to keep on hand in the house & barn.


Ichthammol 20% Drawing Salve, 14 oz.
500251099
Ingredients : Ichthammol, Anhydrous Lanolin, Amber Petroatum

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Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 12:26 PM

Ouch! ouchouchouchouch!

Great news about the recliner. And the wheelchair. And the phone. Get your rest now that you have a chance.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 09:18 AM

i haven't read your thread for a few days, Linn - what a list of 'interesting & challenging' times you are going thru!

I've never been a carer, but I know carers need rest & time to themselves so they can keep going.

All I can do is wish you peaceful times & less stress

love

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 08:30 AM

What next? It was about 7 a.m. and I was reading peacefully in bed, petting Rufus who was dish-ragged across my thigh, when I felt something crawling on my leg under the quilt. Before I could gently shoo the cat off my lap and lift the covers, the miserable wasp had stung me just below my right knee.

As if the day hadn't started off so wonderfully already by being awakened by a leg cramp...

If the sting didn't hurt so much, all this, having sort of reached the point of ridiculousness, would be funny...

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:02 PM

And today I got doctors' appointments sorted, the visiting nurse came and stayed for almost 2 hours, filling out forms, taking vitals, and finally drawing blood for some bloodwork requested by the hospital (and Tom's PCP). Just after she left and I thought I could head out to pick up Tom's new meds, Tom's new wheelchair was delivered. Since I got out so late and the pharmacy would be closed between 2 and 2:30, I dropped off stuff at the post office and did some grocery shopping first before going to the pharmacy.

I tried to call Tom twice and got no answer. I was concerned, but not worried -- figured he just didn't have the cordless phone with him wherever he was.

Got home to a bit of a crisis. Tom was okay, but he had lost the phone (which is our landline). I looked where he thought it fell and a few other places, but couldn't find it. (Gee, can't I even get the groceries put away before there's a crisis that has to be attended to immediately?!?) So, since my cell doesn't work at home, I tried to call a friend to call us back so I could HEAR where the phone was. Simple, huh? Well...called SIX people and no one was home. Then a few minutes later as I was telling Tom about it, one of them called. And the phone sounded like it was in the wheelchair with Tom -- not where he thought it had fallen. Anyway, it turned out it was still in the pocket of his wooly shirt, which he had slipped off and was still around him in the wheelchair. Mystery solved; phone found.

I finally was able to go upstairs for an hour and a half and become at one with the universe and finish a book.

I really need more down time than an hour or two a day (if that). What do I have to do to get a day off -- no one coming here, no place we HAVE to be, nothing demanding that has to be done? I just need one day of no demands on my time. That's all.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 08:20 PM

Tom has no voice (thanks to vocal cord cancer). The whistle is to call me if he needs help -- softly for most things, loud if it's an emergency.

He hasn't figured out how to cope with his blindness yet. And it IS still changing. But it would seem to me that if he had things in a regular place he could then find them when he needs them. It would make things easier for him. But...even when he could see he never put things away so, well, why should he start now? (Other than to make life easier for himself; sigh.) There is NO reason for him to go into the basket with night time meds that are on my side of the table. The only thing that does is make me have to go searching for them when we need them before going to bed.

I've suggested highly to him that, if he wakes up and it's dark, STAY THE HECK IN BED!!! I'll be downstairs around 8 a.m. There is absolutely no reason for him to get up before then. There is no reason to flounder around in the dark and get MY day off on entirely the wrong foot. Especially right now when I really need to rally my resources and build my reserves after a week and a half of extreme stress and juggling too many things.

It'll work out. I just need to vent a little.

Our friends Bruce and Mike (and Mike's son) brought over the recliner this afternoon. It's WONDERFUL and will really help Tom elevate his legs a lot more easily. And he can sleep in it as a change from the couch where he's been sleeping for the past year and a half.

Tomorrow we jump into all the post hospital stay doctors' appointments, visiting nurses, phone calls, new wheelchair delivery, etcet etcet.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bettynh
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 02:45 PM

Have you tried distraction? "Forget" a pile of baskets or berry containers on your side of the table, perhaps, to give him something to try to figure out (for example). At least if he loses that sort of thing, the things you think are important won't be messed with. Could his whistle be a pennywhistle or recorder, so he might have something to fool around with (if you think that's a good idea, I have a plastic recorder you could have by the end of the week)?

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 01:44 PM

It is not clear from this end if he has had some mental impairment as well as physical. If he does, it is from 100 times more difficult. If he does not, you and his medical team need to tell him how exhausted you are and see that he understands. If he can get himself to the bathroom safely, there is no reason not to let you sleep until 9 or later. A man who wakes up at 5:30 and has no job to go to does not need coffee...you could leave a non-scalding thermos out for him, or a coffee cup with a straw that would get cold...a person who feels the need for coffee can drink it cold until you are up. Food can be left out for an early breakfast.

I would remove all my stuff from the table and just let it all be his.

A visit from an occupational therapist would be good if medicare allows it...perhaps the room could be set up better.

any HELP through medicare etc..a caregiver they would pay..would be good....if necessary, you could take care of a frail old lady and come out ahead from being his paid caregiver...too much heavy work.

If not paid caregiver..if akithere is any spare room in the house i would look at exchanging rent for helping him out in the morning and tKINF to early morning appointments.

i would sell every antique or whatever to see about getting a regular bathroom put in downstairs...just roughted in..perhaps a shanty benefit if necessary...

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:34 PM

That's one of the problems, Sinsull -- he hasn't really been able to play the concertina.

He got out of practice after he broke his ankle and was in a wheelchair (with arms, of course) and couldn't play for over 6 months. Then his hospitalization last February set him back majorly, both in the playing part and in the eyesight part.

He doesn't NEED to see the keys to find where he starts (never did when he was sighted), but he thinks he does.

Plus he's back in a wheelchair most of the time at home or else in another armchair. I've got sturdy armless chairs he could use, but he never seems to want to play the concertina. So I've not only lost my singing partner, I've lost my accompanist.

Bad subject right now.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: GUEST,SINS
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:26 PM

Tom is trying to control some of the few things he still has control over.
I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for him to be almost totally helpless.

I wonder - is he able to pay his concertina? It might help him feel a bit more himself. Just leave it by his chair, let him know it's there IF he wants it. No discussion or argument, just there for him.

Hang in there, Tom. And break whatever you please - that would be how I would handle it. In fact, it's what I do now when I get too frustrated. Nothing eases the tension like shattering pottery.

Love,
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:07 PM

Why can't he just leave things where they are?!?

Tom is constantly rearranging everything on his side of the table, taking things (meds) off my side of the table, taking things out of the trays at his side where they are organized and putting them on the table or taking them off the table and putting them there.

And then he can't figure out why he can't find something he needs...and since I'm female and evidently have a built-in homing device or something in my uterus, I have to find it. When he COULD have just left it alone and it would have been where it belonged.

No. He's not putting things in a "better" place -- because it's never the same place twice.

I do NOT have the patience for this right now. I used to have patience, but I used it and my reserves up this past week and a half. I don't know if I put any away for safe keeping.

Can I duct tape his hands together, too?

This is why caregivers kill themselves... (no, don't worry about that).

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 11:31 AM

I did go back to sleep around 6:30 for about an hour. Woke momentarily (and didn't hear anything untoward coming from downstairs), so went back to sleep for another 45 minutes or so with a cat snuggled next to me and dreams of three cavorting men (cartwheels and such) in light green robes playing shawms outside the Episcopal church just behind our back door (in the dream -- our house, of course, wasn't our house and it was an alien neighborhood as well). Oh, and there was a puffy tailed black cat who ran across the yard (and then sat there) as soon as I looked at it.

Well, there was a large brown bird that was neither a turkey nor a turkey vulture sitting in the northern edge of the grassy interior of the Portsmouth Traffic Circle yesterday (couldn't get a closer look as I circled from the Spaulding to the Rte 1 Bypass) -- I think that translated into the black cat in the dream.

And I'd been listening to Maddy Pryor and the Carnival Band ("Carols & Capers") in the car which may explain the shawms (and the capers).

Now I've got Maddy Pryor and the Carnival Band songs going through my head...

Trying to make breakfast sandwiches (egg and bacon and cheese) for brunch and get the place somewhat picked up before the recliner is delivered.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 05:46 AM

For the second morning in a row Tom has gotten me up a LOT earlier than I really wanted to be up. It's 5:30 a.m. now.

He whistled "quietly" (I bought him 4 referee's whistles so he'd have them available to call me, loud for an emergency, more quietly if he just wanted me) and I came downstairs. His quilt was at the foot of the stairs -- a LONG way from his bed. He was "up", dressed and in his wheelchair. And said he needed help. So I turned on the lights, which alone was a lot of help. (For me, too.)

He said there was a lot more stuff in the room than when he'd gone to bed. Well, no... Everything was just as it has been for the past two years. But...well, he's been in the hospital for a week and a half.

His bedside basket was on his bed, the pill case on the floor, one of his flashlights on the other side of the room, his heavy shirt on top of his glass of water (but the water not spilled), his battered box of kleenex was on the bed instead of on the floor next to it. He didn't think he had been in the kitchen (he needed help getting his wheelchair to the table which is closer than the kitchen in our open floorplan), but there were several things scattered on the floor.

Last night after our late supper (after I got home from the shanty sing) he pulled the slipcover off the folding chair at table because he thought it was something he was looking for. (I was in the next room -- he COULD have asked me, but he hadn't wanted to "bother" me).

He's okay. I just brought him the coffee I just made and turned on the radio.

I'm STILL exhausted. I'm taking a large cup of jasmine tea upstairs and going to read my way into the day and try to pretend life is more or less normal.

I'm going to try -- desperately -- to try to recoup my resources of energy...patience...sanity...today. I really need some down time and today looks like the only available time in the near future.

Would I be a horrible wife if I put Tom in Depends and duct taped him to the wheelchair in front of NHPR?

The jasmine tea is calling...

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: jacqui.c
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 02:16 PM

Welcome home Tom.

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 10:54 AM

I'm hoping tomorrow will be more or less a down day. But today is the shanty sing and I'll be there in "being Tom" mode.

Tomorrow a friend is bringing over a recliner (and taking away the old chair) so that Tom can more easily keep his feet up as ordered by the doctors. Perfect -- doesn't take up much space, is designed to be close to the wall, etcet etcet.

Tom had me awake an hour or two before I wanted to be this morning. He was up, in his wheelchair, knocking stuff over, trying to get dressed. It was dark. It was early. I haven't had enough REST in almost two weeks. Got him semi-settled; turned on lights and radio. Went back to bed. Cats didn't want me asleep either. So...made him coffee. Put the phone back to recharge. (Got to get back into the routine.) Took a cup of tea upstairs and try, TRY, to become one with the universe. Imbibed the tea, indexed a few more of Tom's freelance articles from 1995, slaughtered two wasps, petted cats (but not enough as far as they're concerned), reread two pages in a light mystery about 4 times still with zero comprehension, got some junk mail culled from the huge stack on the table and thrown out so I had a place to eat breakfast.

Arghhh! Better put some clothes on. Shanty sing this afternoon.

I want a nap!!!! (And I ain't a gonna get one.)

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: gnu
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 05:41 AM

Glad to hear Tom is home. Hope you get to sleep in a bit.

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 19 Oct 13 - 12:08 AM

My heart goes out to you both. I don't have anything helpful to say, except I know I'm only one of many rooting for you, and I hope things do improve for you SOON!

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 10:43 PM

Vodka was mentioned facetiously (but I DO make a great Earl Grey infused vodka). Through this whole thing haven't wanted anything other than wine, sherry or vermouth and only a glass or so at that.

This morning I took a clonazapam and then had a grapefruit. I think the combo of grapefruit and clonazapam made me dizzy. I'm also exhausted. Was then, still am now at 10:35 p.m. Just put Tom to bed and, after checking one thing here, I intend to head to bed. Hope I can sleep late...not a trick I've learned.

Oh, Tom's home. He was supposed to be sprung at 1, but didn't finally escape until 4. Had no trouble getting him into the house and into his wheelchair. Made him something to eat, then I went to Portsmouth to "be Tom" at the session. Got there late, of course, and had to practically park in Kittery.

ChanteyLass was visiting, also a Press Room alumna currently living in NYC whom I haven't seen for DECADES. Somewhat of a quiet as the NH Film Festival kicks off today.

I'm fried. No reserves left. Especially not patience. I hope I put it in a safe place. My sock drawer, perhaps.

G'night.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 06:45 PM

As tired as you are, the vodka should wait. Alcohol interferes with sleep. Linn, you need help around the house or running errands. Even if the system doesn't pay for you to be Tom's caregiver, does it pay for SOMEONE to come in and help, giving you a well-deserved break?

I agree with Mary - explain to Tom that he should wait until 10 to call. You're overdoing it with all of the running around and you need a little space. Take care of yourself.

Chin up, once Tom is home hopefully you can relax into a more normal schedule. But do see about getting help.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: gnu
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 11:01 AM

I hope not, Sandra. I hope that is left for the vodka. Take care, Linn. I'll bet Tom will be glad to get sprung!

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 10:30 AM

best wishes for a restful nap

will the dizziness affect the potential nap & more importantly, will it affect your driving?

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 08:09 AM

Right now I'm dizzy and tired and maybe I can snag a nap before I head to the hospital.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 08:07 AM

And, yes, my sister is in the hospital in Milwaukee trying to shake a persistant infection in her leg. She's just recovered from a recurring infection (not MRSA) on her stomach. Started out with a pic and intravenous antibiotics a couple days ago but her doctor wasn't happy with the progress. And my 84-year-old mother is currently in rehab after leaving the hospital a couple weeks ago. All of this is 1500 miles away and I can't do a damned thing about it except give my sister moral support.

I am truly looking forward to a day when maybe all I have to do is curl up in bed with a couple cats, a mug of Earl Grey, and "A Lion In Winter" in the DVD player and on the screen.

Then again, maybe with my Earl Grey infused vodka instead...

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 18 Oct 13 - 08:01 AM

Well, I got a nap yesterday in Tom's bed while he was off doing physical therapy and sitting in a chair. Got to bed at a decent season last night (after a very pleasant conversation with a friend in Seattle), but woke at 4:30 to a nasty cramp in my calf. Brain too jangled to read so I've been puttering. Just showered and washed my hair. Ate a grapefruit and now I'm dizzy and desperately needing a nap, I think, before going over to see and, if things go as planned, pick up Tom and bring him home.

They moved Tom last night out of Critical Care to a telemetry room. I'm hoping the hospitalist whose care he's now under is not the same one from last February. If so, I'll have to go to the patient advocates office and raise a ruckus and I'm not sure how much ruckus-making energy I have today. According to the news yesterday, he should be released around 1 p.m. today. That should give me well enough time to get Tom home and settled before I turn around and head to the weekly Press Room session. Have to stop at Seaport Fish and get some frozen finnan haddie now that they have some again.

I doubt Tom will come to tomorrow's singaround, so I'll be in "being Tom" mode (as well as tonight's session). Hope we have a fine crew of singers for rafter raising. Charlie and Pete Hale have come up with some ridiculous excuses about San Diego and Liverpool being too far to commute for a session. Whatever happened to worm holes and teleportation and fax machines?!?

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 09:51 PM

On top of everything you have a sister in the hospital? Yikes!

Sending more virtual hugs until I can give you real ones.

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: mg
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 04:49 PM

If would be good to discuss this with TOm's doctors and nurses. If you are exhausted you can not help him in an emergency. He needs to be told when he can call, when he can wake you up, what hours you need to sleep unless he has an emergency. They need to discuss this with him. If you are entitled to any medical help at home, please get it. The caregiver's needs must be taken into account and often the patient does not realize how burdensome and exhausting their care can be.

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 04:34 PM

Sanity, I think, is still elusive.

Everyone keeps telling me they're glad I'm getting some rest, but I don't know if I AM getting any rest. I seemed to have a fine night's sleep last night and I fell asleep around 9. Tom woke me up this morning and then got insistent on me getting there, so I wasn't able to ease into the day as I prefer to.

When I got to the CCU I was absolutely exhausted -- I'd noticed yesterday it was all catching up with me -- and, after getting an update from his nurse, I crawled into his bed (this was around 11 a.m.) -- he was in the chair -- and fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow. I slept through his physical therapy (Kathy had him walking out in the hall) and lord knows what else. I woke up at around 2:30 when the hospitalist was in explaining that he was staying in the CCU because there was no room in telemetry, but that he would be released tomorrow probably early afternoon. So I'll have time to get him home and settled and get to Portsmouth for the session.

All I gotta say are the cream horns at the Waterfall Café in the lobby (they're from Harvey's in Dover) are OUT OF THIS WORLD.

Got a nice card from some local friends. Ya know, email and Mudcat and Facebook greetings are nice, but I really enjoy and feel heartened by snail mail greetings and wishes.

I'd like to say I've gotten a second wind after my nap, but, no, I'm still barely functional. It's like all the stress and exertion and fatigue has slammed into me at once. Made sure I took my vitamins this morning...if this is some kind of bug trying to trip me up while my resistance is low, I want to head it off at the pass.

That being said, all I am REALLY REALLY looking forward to is a day where I don't have to go anywhere or do anything.

The case manager is moving right along on the new wheelchair project and has gotten the prescription, which is half the battle. I'm still trying to score a small recliner which will make Tom being able to keep his feet up a lot easier than the current arrangement.

After I got him squared away again, I decided to head home while I was still more or less awake. It's going to be another early night, probably not much after I call Tom to say goodnight. I haven't been this physically tired since driving straight through to Milwaukee with only three hours' nap at a loud rest area on the New York Thru-way.

Speaking of Milwaukee, I just got an email that my sister is in the hospital so I'd better go call her.

Later,
Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 12:33 PM

Wish we could do more than long distance hugs (((())))).

Charlie and Judy

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 09:46 AM

Didn't do a damned thing after supper last night except read a bit. Turned out the light at 9 and was asleep before I said my prayers. Woke at midnight, read a bit and had a prophylactic glass of red wine. Again, fell right to sleep. (Thanks, red wine) Woke long enough at 5:45 to register the time and back to sleep. Then Tom woke me with a phone call at 7:45 -- which is before I usually call HIM in the morning...sigh.

Took me a bit to become one with the universe.

He's insistent. I ate a couple slices of really nice bread, replied to a couple necessary emails, posted here, posted an appropriate M.F.K. Fisher quote at Facebook, and I think I'm on my way again.

Tom's reaching the point of, I dunno, agitation or something, where I know I need to get him home. When I called him at 9 last night, he'd thought he'd slept the night and it was morning. This morning, despite talking wristwatch, nurses to ask, etc. he thought it was much later in the day and he was concerned I wasn't there. (Count my blessings; at least it wasn't 4 a.m., as he's done in the past.)

Onward. Better go see if there's any sanity to be found someplace.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Curmudgeon In Hospital - Oct 2013
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Oct 13 - 09:45 AM

We are getting the same Windows calls from some Indian guy I can't understand. We've gotten 6 of them so far, and he is not discouraged by ANY remarks. Is it a human or a robot call?