Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 11 Sep 00 - 10:12 AM This Challenge! is from the "One And Only Five Minutes Flat" Amos, and is guaranteed to bring a smile to the faces of all coffee lovers . . . So here we go, dear Challenge!rs, from pachyderms to passion -- Go For It! -- Áine Coffee Bar Sparks Caffeine-Condom Rush: ROME (Reuters) - Italian espresso is supposed to give the drinker a lift, but it seems to be making some decidedly frisky. A coffee bar in the Italian beach resort of Sperlonga has taken to handing out free condoms with every cup it sells. 'It's a bit of fun, but also to make sure people protect themselves, the owner of the bar, The Pirate, told the newspaper Corriere della Sera, adding that a lot more young people had started drinking his coffee. More than 150 people a day have been whisking the condoms into their back pockets or handbags, according to the owner, but Sunday is apparently the busiest day of all. 'Who knows what they get up to,' he said.
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: hesperis Date: 11 Sep 00 - 10:38 AM Is "The Pirate" the owner of the bar or the bar itself? (Is this a dumb question? Oh, well.) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: hesperis Date: 11 Sep 00 - 10:56 AM Weel, here's a start for it then. A couple of extra syllables here and there, but not bad overall: To the tune(lessness?) of "Chantilly Lace" A cup of Espresso and a free condom, From a midnight bar in th' Italian sun, A little kiss or four, can lead to so much more! Sperlonga Beach is fun, fun, fun! I'll come back later and do more on it. Real life calls. *sigh* ~*sirepseh*~ |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: MMario Date: 11 Sep 00 - 11:01 AM |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: MMario Date: 11 Sep 00 - 11:16 AM oops! worng button! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 11 Sep 00 - 11:25 AM The way I read it, The Pirate is the name of the bar; however, dear hesperis, if you wanted to make the owner a pirate, that might provide a very interesting slant to your song! *BG* -- Áine |
Subject: Rubber Cup Cafe From: MichaelAnthony Date: 11 Sep 00 - 12:38 PM Rubber Cup Cafe Tea when you feel lonely Coffee when you feel blue Find your corner cafe & soon You'll find others like you
And there's nothing more exciting than sexy lips a-biting |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: wysiwyg Date: 11 Sep 00 - 12:43 PM Um, what about free refills? ~S~ |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Mbo Date: 11 Sep 00 - 12:50 PM cream in your coffee |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Dharmabum Date: 11 Sep 00 - 01:08 PM PERVERT DHARMABUM REPORTIMG FOR DUTY MA'AM !! HARD DAY AT SPERLONGA {sung to Dylan's Hard rains gonna fall} Where have you been my blue eyed son, Where have you been my darlin young one, I was down at the pirate a drinkin espresso, I had no idea it would be such a messo, I said"hey this coffee it tastes somewhat iffy", The next thing I knew I had a big stiffy, And it's hard, Yea it's hard, And it's hard, Yea it's hard, It's a hard daaaaay at Sperlonga. They're handing out condoms with each cupa joe, But be carefull my friends beware if you go, Cause your little soldier will stand at attention, Yea your little buddy will get an extention, If you see a nice girl and you're tryin to meet her, Try spiking your coffee with a little salt peter, Cause it's hard......... If you're on vacation & you make it to Rome, You must try their espresso before you go home, It's made with Viagra it's really quite goodie, It may not be Starbucks but it'll give you a woodie, It's good for what ails you & your dangling member, You'll stand up & be counted from May till December, You'll get a big smile from all that you meet, When you're on your back you'll pitch a tent with your sheet, You'll piont north like a compass to the heavens above ya, You'll be the talk of the town & your dear wife'll love ya, Cause it's hard , Yea it's a hard, It's a hard, Yea it's hard, It's a haaaaard daaaay at Sperlonga.
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: MMario Date: 11 Sep 00 - 01:17 PM SOMETHIN' HOT IS BREWIN' (tune: The Fireship) As I stepped out one evening upon a night's carreer I spied a brand new coffee shop, and into it I steered I flagged a passing waitress, and ordered coffee, black, You can imagine my surprise, when she brought a condom back! (chorus)It was a dark en-chant-ing brew-ew! Served daily at "The Pirate" Latte for two, Blue Mountin' Brew Or some exotic kind Oh Mistress, please excuse me for being an ingrate But I did not just order what you put upon my plate I am a fine upstanding man, respected in this town Are you suggesting that we two, might happen to "get on"? (chorus) I eyed that girl both up and down, expecting her to blush Instead she called the manager, who came over in a rush "Does there seem to be a problem, Sir? Do you need a smaller size?" The manager, he calmly asked, right before my eyes! (chorus) 'Twas I who blushed, a deep hot red; From my neck up to my brow. My respectability'd be shot, if this got around the town. I muttered something diffident, and sat down like a fool Prophylactics normally don't come with coffee as a rule (Chorus) Sperlonga Beach is popular, with patrons old and new Who have a cup or maybe more, of the Pirates fine black brew And if they come in one by one, when the evening it is through You know they're safe even if they leave, hand in hand, and two by two (chorus) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Amos Date: 12 Sep 00 - 12:13 AM I'm cracking up here guys -- this CHallenge is in most fine fettle! Thanks for the laughs! A´ine, what was that about the tent pole folding? A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Mbo Date: 12 Sep 00 - 12:25 AM Did someone mention my ECU Pirates?/ Have you flogged YER crew today? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Amos Date: 12 Sep 00 - 12:41 AM Espresso Condom Blues
E E 7 A A
Cuz I.... (cho). Lady Love was looking arch, And I had to get a condom!
Or you'll have to get a condom! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Mbo Date: 12 Sep 00 - 12:52 AM Smmmmmmmmmokin', Amos! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:10 PM An Englishman in Rome
Well I felt like a pot of tea,
So I went up to the Johnnie
Well he rattled off some nonsense,
So now I'm heading back again, |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: MMario Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:12 PM I am *so* happy I put my drink down before reading that! *applause* (please note I am standing) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: mousethief Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:35 PM Well I am an old guitarist From up Seattle way I took a trip to bell' Italia One fine summer day Now I've played the mandolin before, And the recorder, and the conga, But I've never played the organ Like they play it in Sperlonga!
The ol' coffee shop
Well I stayed there in Sperlonga (Repeat chorus) Thank you. You're a wonderful audience. No really. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: wysiwyg Date: 12 Sep 00 - 06:36 PM LOL!!!!! All of them! ~S~ |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Mbo Date: 12 Sep 00 - 07:22 PM Spermlonga |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: MMario Date: 12 Sep 00 - 07:41 PM Mt - great! you'll have to hook up on HearMe and sing it for us! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: mousethief Date: 13 Sep 00 - 12:59 PM That will have to be after I get the sound card on my commputer working again. Sigh. And after I write a melody for the chorus. :) But I thank you kindly for the friendly words! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 13 Sep 00 - 04:07 PM I'll be back with everyone's Silver B.L.O.B.s in a minute -- meanwhile, you can peruse my wee offering for this Challenge! I can't think of a tune for it; so, if one of my lovely Challenge!rs can come up with one, there's a squiggy hug and big snog from me in it for ya! *BG* -- Áine
Granny's Got Some Pressies |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: mousethief Date: 13 Sep 00 - 04:17 PM Well done, Áine! (and everybody!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: MMario Date: 13 Sep 00 - 04:34 PM Áine - it sorta goes to "Gramma got run over by a reindeer" |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 13 Sep 00 - 06:01 PM Well, well, well!! And here there were rumours going around that the Song Challenge! was about to expire completely . . . I'm as happy as a little girl that Amos came up with a grand Challenge! to prove all the nay-sayers wrong!! Why, we haven't had a response like this since we threw our knickers up in the air for Mardi Gras!! Brilliant, every one of you! As promised, here are the Silver B.L.O.B.s for the entries (so far). For you brand-new Challenge!rs, a B.L.O.B. is a 'best line o' bull', and is awarded by the ever-contrary Keeper of the Book for great lines of verse. And don't worry, you're still qualified for the 'big' awards at the end of each Challenge! -- no one walks away without some kind of Golden Cow Chip to put on the mantel. So, here we go, in order of entry: MichaelAnthony -- I'm just pleased as punch to see you among the Challenge!rs. And you've given us a fantastic first-entry-ever as well! I'm really looking forward to seeing you here often, OK? Not only do you merit a Silver B.L.O.B. for the title of your song, Rubber Cup Cafe, but also for the following lines: And there's nothing more exciting than sexy lips a-biting On biscuits shaped like a bisque And with sketches needing showing soon the two of you are going To your room cause this beauty's worth the risk Dharmabum -- In the spirit of the 25th anniversary of Faulty Towers, you are hereby ordered by the Keeper of the Book to stand in front of the mirror and spank your bottom three times, repeating the following -- "I'm a naughty boy, and I got a Silver B.L.O.B. for writing You'll point north like a compass to the heavens above ya, You'll be the talk of the town & your dear wife'll love ya," MMario -- Dearest Leo, what would we do without you to lend a bit of class to all this brouhaha? Here's your own Silver B.L.O.B. for: Sperlonga Beach is popular, with patrons old and new Who have a cup or maybe more, of the Pirates fine black brew And if they come in one by one, when the evening it is through You know they're safe even if they leave, hand in hand, and two by two Amos -- Welcome back, darling! You've outdone yourself yet again (isn't that starting to hurt by now?) Another brilliant song to make me roll with the dust bunnies and laugh myself into a tizzy. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for these immoral (!) lines: Lady Love was looking arch, Wondered where I'd put the starch Didn't think it was the scene For me to favor hot caffeine, She poured that Vente, hold the cream, Down the front of my new blue jeans McGrath of Harlow -- It's nice to see a Master of the Mudcat here again! Dear Kevin, your entire song is hereby awarded a Silver B.L.O.B. by the Keeper of the Book, and an extra Bronze Wee B.O.B. (Wee Bit O' Bull) as an enticement to keep you coming back to us for: And I've got a present for the wife, and I saved myself some bother, for those sweeties from the coffee shop - I'll give them to her mother. mousethief -- Welcome, welcome, welcome, to yet another new Challenge!r!! I do hope that you'll be coming back to us, too, dear mousethief. I can see from your wonderful entry that you're going to be a fantastic member of our gang of zanies -- It ain't that easy to get Mmario to do a 'spray take'. Here's your very first Silver B.L.O.B. for this wonderful bit of verse: Now I've played the mandolin before, And the recorder, and the conga, But I've never played the organ Like they play it in Sperlonga! A big hug and kiss to you all -- and thanks for making the Song Challenge! as wild and wooly, foolish and funny, and lovely and lascivious as it can be! -- Aine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Dharmabum Date: 13 Sep 00 - 06:32 PM Dear misstress Aine. ONLY THREE TIMES? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 13 Sep 00 - 06:46 PM And a tinkling laugh came from above and the Goddess spoke... Tee-hee. I thought you'd like that! -- TGG |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Naemanson Date: 13 Sep 00 - 08:30 PM Oh I love this challenge! These songs are great! Congrats to all contributors. I hope you will enjoy this small effort of mine finds fertile ground in the thread. Marco was a plumber, in Sperlonga he stayed, Jill was a teacher, on vacation she played. They met on the beach and hit it off right, Marco knew with the teacher he would stay the night, Through the night , He knew they would play, Through the night, Through the night. They stopped at The Pirate, espresso to drink, When the waiter served the coffee at Marco he winked. He saw Marco was in with the teacher real tight, He would plumb the depths of the teacher that night, Through the night , He knew they would play, Through the night, Through the night. And so on the table he left for them each A bright colored condom within easy reach They each quickly slipped theirs out of sight, But he knew that the condoms would stretch out that night, Through the night , He knew they would play, Through the night, Through the night. That night Marco used all the tricks that he knew, And Jill was no slouch in the bed as she proved, The free condoms they used and they fit just right As they played together all through the night, Through the night , As they played together, Through the night, Through the night. Next day Marco turned to his wrenches and tools, And Jill flew on home to go back to her school, And all through the day she smiled on her flight As she thought of what happened between them that night Through the night , What happened in bed, Through the night, Through the night. But you know eight weeks scarcely had passed When that happy smile left the face of the lass She learned not to trust Italian rubber stretched tight As she paid for the fun that she had through the night, Through the night, She paid for the fun That she had, Through the night. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 14 Sep 00 - 08:31 AM Ah Naemanson, a true 'morality' tale if there ever was one! Well done indeed. Here is your Silver B.L.O.B. for these conscience stirring lines:
But you know eight weeks scarcely had passed (However, my 21st century female mind is wondering why you couldn't add a verse or two where your Italian plumber gets to 'pay' as well for his night of fun as well . . . it could add an interesting twist to the end of the story . . .) Thanks again for a great song for this Challenge!, Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Naemanson Date: 14 Sep 00 - 08:33 AM OK I'll take that suggestion on board. BTW, the tune is Quare Bungle Rye. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: DougR Date: 14 Sep 00 - 06:37 PM LOVE IT! Makes me wish I could write a song. I can just visualize it now, the young boys walking down the street in tight bluejeans, wallet in the rear pocket with the telltale condom ring in plain view. What a way to advertise! DougR |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 14 Sep 00 - 07:40 PM Of course this all lives a different twist to a few well loved songs:
What I want is a proper cup of coffee
And
And I just checked in the DT, and there are 126 entries there with coffee in them. And they suddenly start taking on a new significance. (Mind if you've ever been to Amsterdam the term "coffeehouse" takes on a pretty strange significance anyway, even without the chewing gum giveaways.)
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 16 Sep 00 - 11:34 AM Come on, Challenge!rs -- Surely we haven't exhausted the song themes on this topic yet! -- Aine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: katlaughing Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:36 PM refresh |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: hesperis Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:45 PM It's not done until I've finished mine! And I kinda ran out of lubric- oops! Inspiration! I will be back... after my back-rub. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 16 Sep 00 - 03:17 PM I know we're all looking forward to seeing what you come up with, hesperis -- after you're sufficiently lubricat, oops, I mean inspired... *BG* -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Naemanson Date: 16 Sep 00 - 05:31 PM Aine - Your every wish is my command. You wanted a verse showing an bad ending for Marco too and here it is. As Jill was a-winging her way through the air Marco began to feel full of despair His crotch was itching after all his delight, You might say he was crabby when he thought of that night Oh that night, He was crabby whenever He thought of that night |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 16 Sep 00 - 05:36 PM ROTFLMAO!!!! Now THAT'S a perfect ending!! LOL!! Naemanson, you hereby awarded another Silver B.L.O.B. for that verse -- I love it! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Bradypus Date: 16 Sep 00 - 06:10 PM This one's a bit oblique ...
International Rubber
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: MMario Date: 16 Sep 00 - 06:24 PM you're on-line in HearMe, brady, why not sing it? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Bradypus Date: 16 Sep 00 - 07:55 PM Mmario -
four reasons for not singing this on Hearme: Bradypus |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: hesperis Date: 16 Sep 00 - 11:40 PM Well, I'll see what my man can come up with, anyway... *g* hesperis, signing off mudcat to go work on the song! Yes, the song. (You folks! Get those silly grins off your faces!) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Mbo Date: 16 Sep 00 - 11:48 PM You have a man that helps you write songs? Weird! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 17 Sep 00 - 02:45 PM Dear hesperis, So, what did you come up with after all your hard work last night? (hehehehehe) It's gonna be great, I just know! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: hesperis Date: 17 Sep 00 - 02:59 PM Mbo - he doesn't actually help me write songs, but he's definitely an inspiration for this one. OOPS! Áine - I've got some more of it, but I need to grow it for a bit longer, I think... THE SONG! I am talking about THE SONG! (Dirty-minded, mutter, mutter... Some people, mutter, mutter...) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Naemanson Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:42 PM I don't understand the way this thread has gone. I am sitting here in wide eyed innocence listening and most of this conversation has gone right over my head. What else could she be talking about other than the song? (Picture rosy cheeks, a tentative smile, and large blue eyes gazing up in confidence and adoration waiting for the explanation to bring enlightenment.) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 20 Sep 00 - 03:11 PM Dear hesperis, So -- where is it -- the song, I mean ;-)??? You had all these fellas drooling all weekend in expectation of a large contribution from yourself, and they haven't seen anything yet...they'll start calling you a 'tease' if you don't put out - uh, I mean, put up your song soon...and I don't think that my garden hose will reach this far... -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Áine Date: 21 Sep 00 - 05:28 PM Well, it's time to be movin' on, so hesperis, we're still hoping that you'll still give us your song -- remember, a Challenge! never really ends... All the appropos Cudos, Congrats and Thanks to all you Challenge!rs who stopped by for a cuppa, and I have to say that the songs entered this time were exceptionally finely ground:
Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song): |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 39 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 04 Sep 01 - 11:23 AM When a huge caffeine surge, starts to give you the urge That's amore When a tiramisu, starts me fancying you That's amore Bells will ring, ting-alinga ling Ting alinga ling and you'll sing vita bella And you'll say tippy-tippy-tay Tippy-tippy-tay Come to bed with your fella When your sap starts to rise or you're damp 'tween your thighs That's amore When you can't eat your meal, cos you're copping a feel You're in love When you're ready to blow, but you know you can't show it signora Scusa me, but you see, back in old Napoli That's amore! |
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