Song Challenge! Part 46

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Áine
Date: 13 Dec 00 - 04:29 PM

Hi there, Challenge!rs! Here's a little story that Amos sent in for your 'songifying' enjoyment -- He calls it:

"If I Gave Myself To You . . ."

COLOMBO (Reuters) - A Sri Lankan man was seriously injured when he jumped naked into a lions' den at the national zoo, apparently offering himself up as a feast for the big cats, officials said Monday.

"The man...had written a letter before jumping into the enclosure saying he wanted to give 'alms' to the lions," said Senarath Gunasena, director of the National Zoological Gardens in the Colombo suburb of Dehiwala.

The man survived but the three lions in the den bit off parts of his arms, legs, chest and groin area. The incident occurred Sunday when the zoo was full of visitors.

The man was rescued by zoo staff and onlookers who beat garbage cans to frighten the lions away and took him to a nearby hospital where he was in intensive care. Sri Lanka's majority Buddhist population believes that giving alms can earn merit for future incarnations.

Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 08:40 AM

refresh...I'm thinking, honest...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 09:05 AM

There's always...

<SING>
a whum ba way... a whum ba way..
In Sri Lanka, the zoo of Sri Lanka
The lion eats tonight
</SING>
Okay, I'm just being silly. I'll think of a better one.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 09:45 AM

This isn't the one I was thinking about last night; but I can't remember what tune it was I was going to set that one too, and it slipped away...tune for this one should be obvious.

IF I GIVE MYSELF TO YOU


if I give myself to you, would you promise not to chew?
and help me give some alms; 'cause I've been alive before
and I found that life was more, than just being a man

if I give my parts to you I must be sure
for the lion's part that you would incarnate much better

if I trust in you oh please don't eat and run
and the garbage cans, means they don't understand like you

'cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if my alms they were in vain

so I hope you see that I would love to feed you
and that I will try when I go into the zoo
and I give myself to you

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Matt_R
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 10:01 AM

LIONS RIPPED MY FLESH

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Kim C
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 11:55 AM

Honey, you can't hide your lion eyes.........

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Matt_R
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 11:58 AM

Anyone see Gladiator?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 12:04 PM

Tonight, I dedicate my flesh to you....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Kim C
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 12:11 PM

Gives new meaning to the phrase "bite me."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Áine
Date: 14 Dec 00 - 02:01 PM

Way to go, MMario! A great beginning for this Challenge! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

if I give myself to you, would you promise not to chew?
and help me give some alms; 'cause I've been alive before
and I found that life was more, than just being a man

Now what can the rest of you come up with???

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Dharmabum
Date: 15 Dec 00 - 06:36 AM

BAD,BAD, SUNIL BROWN
(sung to Bad,Bad Leroy Brown by Jim Croce.)

On the south side of Sri Lanka
Where the monks are mighty tough
There's a man down there called Sunil Brown
Who plays with lions in the buff.

Now one day he decided
To go down to the zoo
Said "I'm gonna do my best to give alms to the lions"
"But an arm & a leg will do.

(chorus)
And he's bad,bad, Sunil Brown
Bhuddist man of Sri Lanka town
Badest of the Bhuddist persuasion
Earning merit for his incarnation.

Now he stripped off all his robes there
As he walked without an ounce of fright
He stood face to face with his leonine attackers
Said "My next life's gonna be alright".

Now one bit off his left arm
One got his legs & chest
The other made off with a mouthfull of gonads
He said"I think this part tastes best".

(chorus)

Now they took him to the doctor
And the doctor stitched him up
They sat him down,said"Stay away from lions"
"Cause you're gonna run outta luck".

But Sunil was not worried
Said "I'm gonna be just fine"
"If I can't go all at once to the great hereafter"
"I'll just go there a piece at a time".

(ch)
And he's bad,bad Sunil Brown
Bhuddist man of Sri Lanka town
Badest of the Bhuddist persuasion
Earning merit for his incarnation.

Doesn't matter how much pain he feels
He's gonna be a three course meal.

DB.

Nice to have you back Aine.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: MMario
Date: 15 Dec 00 - 10:00 AM

Nice one! Much cleverer then mine.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Áine
Date: 15 Dec 00 - 10:22 AM

That one is just brill, DB!! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

But Sunil was not worried
Said "I'm gonna be just fine"
"If I can't go all at once to the great hereafter"
"I'll just go there a piece at a time".

-- Áine (who's very glad to be back)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Clifton53
Date: 15 Dec 00 - 10:56 AM

To the tune of 'Zoological Gardens'

Thunder and lightnin' is no lark,
when 'yer a lion in a Sri Lankan park,
so if you've got an urgin' to toss off the bark,
Come to the zoological gardens.

Say a prayer to Buddha above,
and give 'yerself up for alms and love,
there's really no question when push comes to shove,
down in the Zoological gardens.

Me and me mates was layin about,
when all of a sudden we heard a big shout,
when we looked up there was grub in the grout,
here in the Zoological gardens.

A big slab of flesh came tumblin' down,
I says to me pals 'sure this guys no clown',
the best meal I've had in this Sri Lankan town,
right in the Zoological gardens.

I took a big bite and held with me paws,
I says to meself sure we're breakin' no laws,
and me pals did the same with their powerful jaws,
up in the Zoological gardens.

We had a few bites, just a light snack,
when I heard a loud bangin like thunder crack,
and the shifty 'ol devils they took the meat back,
here in the Zoological gardens.

So if you wish to go beyond the pale,
don't wait 'fer no cyclone, no Sri Lankan gale,
just climb up the ladder and jump o'er the rail,
up in the Zoological gardens.

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Dec 00 - 12:33 PM

At the Zoo
(to the tune of, "At the Zoo" by Paul Simon)

(Chorus:)
Someone told me "you'll earn karma points at the zoo."
I do believe it. I do believe it's true.

Mmmmm... (etc)

It's a lifetime losing karma points that drove me to the park
Now I'm gonna take a gamble at the zoo
I'll jump into the lion's cage and give them alms and legs
And the animals will love it if I do
(If I do now...)

(repeat chorus)

The monkeys watch me walk on by,
They think I'm insincere,
And the elephants all kinda think I'm dumb
Orangutans are skeptical of karma-seeking fanatics
And the zookeepers will have to sweep my bum
The zebras called the actuaries
The antelopes, the missionaries
The pigeons flocked to see me scream
But the lions licked their lips at me
Oh my ass! now they're chewing me at the zoo...
At the zoo....

©2000 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved. Etc.

---

Well this didn't come out QUITE the way I wanted it.... Great topic, though, Aine!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 00 - 12:41 PM

"Don't go in the lions' den tonight, Mother Dear!
The lions are ferocious and they bite!
They have tasted male lumbar
And Human Steak Tartar
And anticipate dessert in Momma's tights!"

Sorry DaveO. I couldn't help it.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Áine
Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:11 PM

That's a great perspective there, Clifton! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

We had a few bites, just a light snack,
when I heard a loud bangin like thunder crack,
and the shifty 'ol devils they took the meat back,
here in the Zoological gardens.

And here's your Silver B.L.O.B., mousethief, for:

It's a lifetime losing karma points that drove me to the park
Now I'm gonna take a gamble at the zoo
I'll jump into the lion's cage and give them alms and legs
And the animals will love it if I do

And I loved your wee bit of verse, too, Sinsull, so here's a bit of a B.L.O.B. for you!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:36 PM

The Lions' Picnic
(to the tune of the Teddy Bears' Picnic)

If you go down to the zoo today, your stomach had better be strong
If you go down to the zoo today, you probably won't stay long
Because some guy was trying to fix his karma by giving alms
He jumped into the lion's cage and the lions all had a picnic

Picnic time for Felis Rex,
The lovely lions there are having a lo-ve-ly time today
See the tourists crane their necks
To see them eat the man from old Bombay
See them gaily munch and crunch
They hope he'll stay for lunch
They've never had meat like this
But six o'clock the zookeepers came and hauled the man away
And now the li-ons are ve-ry pissed.

©2000 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved. And all that stuff.

-----

I'm warming up to this topic.

PS in USA "pissed" means "angry" not "drunk"

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Áine
Date: 17 Dec 00 - 01:16 PM

Great song, mousethief! Here's another Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Picnic time for Felis Rex,
The lovely lions there are having a lo-ve-ly time today
See the tourists crane their necks
To see them eat the man from old Bombay

-- Aine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: MMario
Date: 17 Dec 00 - 08:36 PM

Alex, you're on a roll!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 12:34 AM

I had been sitting under a tree waiting for enlightenment.Turns out all I had to do was open up this thread to find the above verses. Laughter is a worthy path, and you folks tend the path well.To the tune of
LUCKENBACH TEXAS
(written by Chips Morman, sung by Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson, and any MOR/country/legion/wedding band that I've ever seen or been a part of in the neck of the woods where I grew up)

There're only two things in life that make it worth doin'
It's teeth sharpened up good and fence-jumpin' humans
I don't need my mane in the marquee lights
I got my jaws and a jumper in my sights.
Maybe it's time we got back to the basics of lunch

Chorus:
Let's eat a barenaked Buddhist on his way to Nirvana through the zoo
His transcendental quest has got us feeding
Like our cousins back in the jungle do
But he's a scrawny old fella, with crunchy patellas
And hardly no meat on his frame, toss him back over the cage
I ain't eating vegan again

Oh, baby it's not as interesting
As chewing on some other things and anyway
These fibii are choking me
And you could bite on that gristly thigh all day
We been so busy spitting up all those bones
Maybe it's time we got back to the basics of lunch

Let's eat a barenaked Buddhist on his way to Nirvana through the zoo
His transcendental quest has got us feeding
Like our cousins back in the jungle do
But he's a scrawny old fella, with crunchy patellas
And hardly no meat on his frame, toss him back over the cage
I ain't eating vegan again

Cheers, Bardford

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 08:49 AM

*applause*!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Bert
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 11:44 AM

Eat me in Sri Lanka, Lanka
Eat me at the zoo
Don't tell me the lions are hungry
for anyone but you
I admit I was rather hasty
but the lions found me tasty
So, Eat me in Sri Lanka, Lanka
Eat me at the zoo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Bradypus
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 07:00 PM

Farewell to Alms

In Sri Lanka Zoo there's a lion
A poor lion, old, that's for sure
I'd like to cheer up that poor lion
But what do you give to the poor ?

Chorus
I gave him some alms, now I'm armless
I opened my soul and my heart
I ain't had a drink, but I'm legless
The whole thing just tears me apart

Giving alms to the poor is a good thing
To respect poor dumb creatures is right
When you're old you expect to be feeble
But that lion was filled full of fight

The sign, it said 'don't feed the lion'
But that's mean, it doesn't feel right
So I jumped in the pit with the lion
To give him a quick, tasty bite

I jumped in the pit with the lion
Though some people think I was nuts
It's partly to do with religion
And partly to prove I had guts

I was there in the pit with the lion
I sure didn't mean any harm
I bowed most polite to the lion
And the lion tore off my right arm

I got down on my knees to the lion
His mercy I wanted to beg
He looked, and he purred 'You poor beggar'
Then the lion ripped off my right leg

With my arm and my leg in the lion
I couldn't stand up straight and tall
And then in the groin the beast mauled me -
That lion was having a ball!

So now in the hospital I'm lying
I'm as mauled as a person can be
I'll no longer give alms to the lion -
If you've got any, give them to me.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Scotsbard
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 08:07 PM

LION'S EYES
(with sincere apologies to the Eagles)

Buddhist man can reach nirvana early,
By freely giving alms his karma grows.
But reading chinese Vedas makes them surly:
The verse on alms and arms had some typos.

cho:
- You can't hide from lion's eyes
- Give them arms, they'll take the thighs.
- Drop in for lunch, you might surmise,
- There ain't no way to hide from lion's eyes

Lately incarnations have moved slowly,
And meditation hasn't been worthwhile.
Becoming human cat treat might seem holy,
But marinated Christian 's more their style.

cho:

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 08:15 PM

rotflmao! "And then in the groin the beast mauled me - That lion was having a ball!"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 09:07 PM

Scotsbard, nicely done!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Áine
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 03:04 PM

I love it, Bardford!! ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Let's eat a barenaked Buddhist on his way to Nirvana through the zoo
His transcendental quest has got us feeding
Like our cousins back in the jungle do
But he's a scrawny old fella, with crunchy patellas
And hardly no meat on his frame, toss him back over the cage
I ain't eating vegan again

And bert, even though you only gave us one verse, it's a grand one, and here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Eat me in Sri Lanka, Lanka
Eat me at the zoo
Don't tell me the lions are hungry
for anyone but you
I admit I was rather hasty
but the lions found me tasty
So, Eat me in Sri Lanka, Lanka
Eat me at the zoo

And here's your Silver B.L.O.B., dear Bradypus, for your very tasteful lines:

With my arm and my leg in the lion
I couldn't stand up straight and tall
And then in the groin the beast mauled me -
That lion was having a ball!

And a Silver B.L.O.B. to Scotsbard for his wonderful historical twist with:

Lately incarnations have moved slowly,
And meditation hasn't been worthwhile.
Becoming human cat treat might seem holy,
But marinated Christian 's more their style.

You all are just brilliant, each and every one of you!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: John Hardly
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 07:02 PM

SOME "WORDS" THAT ARE FUN TO SAY

Religurge,
Autogive,
Nirvintention,
Sacrinvention,

Catpitite,
Leoneat,
Mangroin,
Unnenjoin,

Disalmed,
Semisacriborted,
Frustrifice,
Deitantinice,

Mysoplan?


John(themindain'twhatitusedtobe)Hardly

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Áine
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 08:10 PM

Brilliant, John Hardly!! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Catpitite,
Leoneat,
Mangroin,
Unnenjoin

Amazing, just amazing!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Áine
Date: 23 Dec 00 - 11:26 PM

Merry Ho-Ho's to Y'all!! Here are your Golden Cow Chips for your contemplative and self-sacrificing (ouch!) efforts on behalf of this Challenge! Hugs and two kisses on each cheek to all of my wonderful Challenge!rs!

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
If I Give Myself To You by MMario
Lion's Eyes by Scotsbard
The Lions' Picnic by mousethief
Some "Words" That Are Fun To Say by John Hardly

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
At the Zoo by mousethief
Bad, Bad, Sunil Brown by Dharmabum
Farewell to Alms by Bradypus

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
Barenaked Buddhist by Bardford
Toss Off The Bark by Clifton53

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 08:51 AM

Thought initially that I might parody "Why Not Take All Of Me?" or "Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart". Instead settled on this parody of Daddy's Taking Us To The Zoo instead!

Daddy's taking us to the zoo tomorrow
Zoo tomorrow zoo tomorrow
Daddy's taking us to the zoo tomorrow
We can stay all day
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

On the way he starts a-twitchin'
Squirming in the seat like his pants are itchin'
I don't say nothin' case it sounds like bitchin'
But he doesn't look OK
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

When we arrive, his mouth is foamin'
Got no mind for gentle roamin'
On the lions he is homin'
I hope he'll be OK
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

When we reach the lion cages
Daddy starts to act rampageous
Rants and roars and raves and rages
Then kneels down to pray
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

The lions thought him rather tasty
Mom rolled her eyes and called him hasty
Let's hope he's gone to a better place-ty
We'll meet again some day
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 08:54 AM

Thought initially that I might parody "Why Not Take All Of Me?" or "Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart". Instead settled on this parody of Daddy's Taking Us To The Zoo instead!

Daddy's taking us to the zoo tomorrow
Zoo tomorrow zoo tomorrow
Daddy's taking us to the zoo tomorrow
We can stay all day
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

On the way he starts a-twitchin'
Squirming in the seat like his pants are itchin'
I don't say nothin' case it sounds like bitchin'
But he doesn't look OK
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

When we arrive, his mouth is foamin'
Got no mind for gentle roamin'
On the lions he is homin'
I hope he'll be OK
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

When we reach the lion cages
Daddy starts to act rampageous
Rants and roars and raves and rages
Then kneels down to pray
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

The lions thought him rather tasty
Mom rolled her eyes and called him hasty
Let's hope he's gone to a better place-ty
We'll meet again some day
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 46
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 08:57 AM

Daddy's taking us to the zoo tomorrow
Zoo tomorrow zoo tomorrow
Daddy's taking us to the zoo tomorrow
We can stay all day
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

On the way he starts a-twitchin'
Squirming in the seat like his pants are itchin'
I don't say nothin' case it sounds like bitchin'
But he doesn't look OK
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

When we arrive, his mouth is foamin'
Got no mind for gentle roamin'
On the lions he is homin'
I hope he'll be OK
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

When we reach the lion cages
Daddy starts to act rampageous
Rants and roars and raves and rages
Then kneels down to pray
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

The lions thought him rather tasty
Mom rolled her eyes and called him hasty
Let's hope he's gone to a better place-ty
We'll meet again some day
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo