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Song Challenge! - Part 67

Áine 05 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM
Sorcha 05 Nov 01 - 06:04 PM
JenEllen 05 Nov 01 - 06:26 PM
MMario 05 Nov 01 - 06:51 PM
Deda 05 Nov 01 - 11:01 PM
Amos 05 Nov 01 - 11:16 PM
Amos 05 Nov 01 - 11:54 PM
MMario 06 Nov 01 - 08:05 AM
Aidan Crossey 06 Nov 01 - 08:09 AM
Áine 06 Nov 01 - 09:34 AM
Jack the Sailor 06 Nov 01 - 10:57 AM
SharonA 06 Nov 01 - 12:25 PM
Dharmabum 06 Nov 01 - 01:58 PM
mousethief 06 Nov 01 - 02:23 PM
mousethief 06 Nov 01 - 02:38 PM
Amos 06 Nov 01 - 02:44 PM
Lonesome EJ 06 Nov 01 - 02:50 PM
JenEllen 06 Nov 01 - 03:06 PM
McGrath of Harlow 06 Nov 01 - 03:28 PM
Áine 06 Nov 01 - 03:42 PM
SharonA 06 Nov 01 - 04:07 PM
Jack the Sailor 06 Nov 01 - 04:07 PM
MMario 06 Nov 01 - 04:38 PM
Kim C 06 Nov 01 - 05:02 PM
Áine 06 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM
Áine 06 Nov 01 - 06:10 PM
MMario 06 Nov 01 - 07:10 PM
Tinker 06 Nov 01 - 07:36 PM
Amos 06 Nov 01 - 07:45 PM
Genie 07 Nov 01 - 12:15 AM
Genie 07 Nov 01 - 02:35 AM
Genie 07 Nov 01 - 02:44 AM
Lin in Kansas 07 Nov 01 - 03:04 AM
MMario 07 Nov 01 - 08:33 AM
Clifton53 07 Nov 01 - 09:20 AM
Áine 07 Nov 01 - 09:24 AM
Áine 07 Nov 01 - 09:28 AM
GUEST,Sonja 07 Nov 01 - 10:39 AM
MMario 07 Nov 01 - 10:48 AM
Áine 07 Nov 01 - 12:02 PM
Clifton53 07 Nov 01 - 12:06 PM
GUEST,Sonja 07 Nov 01 - 12:19 PM
GUEST,Sonja 07 Nov 01 - 04:25 PM
mousethief 07 Nov 01 - 04:27 PM
GUEST,Genie Who can't find her cookie 07 Nov 01 - 05:25 PM
Áine 07 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM
GUEST,Sonja 07 Nov 01 - 06:53 PM
Aidan Crossey 08 Nov 01 - 09:04 AM
Áine 08 Nov 01 - 09:21 AM
MMario 08 Nov 01 - 09:42 AM
Aidan Crossey 08 Nov 01 - 11:50 AM
MMario 08 Nov 01 - 11:57 AM
Kim C 08 Nov 01 - 01:54 PM
Amos 08 Nov 01 - 02:03 PM
Dharmabum 08 Nov 01 - 02:46 PM
GUEST,Sonja 09 Nov 01 - 12:25 AM
GUEST,Sonja 09 Nov 01 - 12:29 AM
GUEST,Sonja 09 Nov 01 - 12:42 AM
MMario 09 Nov 01 - 09:18 AM
Áine 09 Nov 01 - 12:29 PM
Jack the Sailor 09 Nov 01 - 03:25 PM
GUEST,Sonja 09 Nov 01 - 03:47 PM
Clifton53 09 Nov 01 - 05:14 PM
Áine 09 Nov 01 - 05:49 PM
GUEST,Genie (sans cookie) 10 Nov 01 - 08:16 PM
Lin in Kansas 10 Nov 01 - 08:27 PM
Genie 30 Nov 10 - 11:24 PM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM

Well, Challenge!rs, after your fabulous 'comeback' in the last Challenge!, I have to say that I've got a serious case of the 'warm and fuzzies' . . . ;-) That being the case, I've picked a perfect subject for Challenge! 67 -- Get ready, my darlin's, for some frisky friskin' fun with:

Is That A Baby Budgie In Your Pants, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me? -- RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) -- With parrots and snakes in his luggage and bird eggs tucked into his underwear, an Austrian tourist has been arrested and charged for animal trafficking, Brazilian police said on Wednesday.

"He put (the eggs) near his testicles so they would be at nest temperature," a police spokesman said.

Police discovered 21 parrots, four parakeets and two snakes hidden in two large suitcases carried by Austrian botanist Johann Zillinger. They also found Zillinger had rolled five parakeet eggs into a sock and nestled them in his underwear.

"Since some of the parakeets that he had with him were newborns, we assume that some of the eggs had already hatched."

Tipped off by an anonymous call, Rio de Janeiro police arrested the Austrian on Monday in front of his Copacabana beach hotel, as he climbed into a taxi on his way to catch a flight to Europe. According to police, Zillinger bought the animals in the Amazon port city of Belen and planned to take them to Austria to sell them in Europe.

Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Sorcha
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 06:04 PM

omigawd..........I've got budgies in my balls........o dear. ROFLMAO!!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: JenEllen
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 06:26 PM

GALES of laughter....Was he planning on STANDING during the entire flight? Dear gawd, what if they HATCHED?? Shades of Kenny Rogers:
Ya picked a fine time fer hatchin' cockatiel
Stuck here in customs an' I started to squeal
First was the creepin' then they all started peepin'
The eggshells fell out by my heels
Ya picked a fine time fer hatchin' cockatiel

(good lord, I need a nap, or a keyboard shield, or somethin'...)
~J


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 06:51 PM

good start, JenEllen!

This one is going to take a little thought - have to do it justice.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Deda
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 11:01 PM

Well, it takes folly and hubris to jump into the mudcat Challenge ring -- and I may have just enough to do it only once. Ahem (shuffling of papers and feet, clearing of throat, modest downcasting of eyes ...)

The Marvelous Johann (To the tune of Tom Paxton's Marvellous little toy)

CHO: He went Tweet when he moved
and Squawk when he stopped
and hissss when he stood still
He never could suppress these sounds,
that amazing Johann Zill

When I was down in Rio town
I met the strangest man
From Austria, Herr Zillinger
The marvellous Johann.
A wonder to behold he was
With many brilliant hues
of Feathers stuck from his pockets
And noises from his shoes --

He went Tweet when he moved
and Squawk when he stopped
and hissss when he stood still
He never could suppress these sounds,
that amazing Johann Zill

The first time I shook hands with him
I got a big surprise
Peering at me from up his sleeve
Were two big green snake eyes!
Johann stood at a slant, and he tugged at his pants,
listing, and shuffling his feet.
Imagine my astonishment
when he hatched that parakeet!

He went Twee-TWEET when he moved
and Squawk when he stopped
and hissss when he stood still
He never could suppress these sounds,
that poor old Johann Zill

The years have gone by, too slowly it seems,
for my poor friend Johann,
Languishing in Brazilian jail
With his cellmate, a Toucan.
Gazing through bars at Brazilian stars
And hearing the loud birds call,
Old Johann tries to join their song
From his lonely little stall

He still goes Tweet when he moves
and Squawk when he stops
and hissss when he stands still
He never could shut himself up
and I guess he never will.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 11:16 PM

Wow!! Deda!!

I YAM IMPRESSED!!!

Love ya,

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 11:54 PM

A humble offering:

Goings On In Rio

(Tune: Green Alligators (Shel Silverstein/Irish Rovers)  )

                                                                       Now sweet Felicia down old Rio way
                                                                           Needed to earn a buck in that age-old way
                                                                           So she grabbed herself a tourist, and was making free,
                                                                           Until she had a feel in his BVDs!!

                                                                           The lure of a schilling was soon remote
                                                                           And she yelled,"Stand back, what's in your overcoat?"
                                                                           He says, "Hey lassie, it's what I do!
                                                                           I'm just a travelin' zoo!,  I've got...
 

                                                                           Green Parakeeters and long-necked snakes
                                                                           And eggs where you wouldn't think an egg could break
                                                                           In his pockets and his carry ons, but sure as you please,
                                                                           The loveliest of all was in his BVDs


                                                                          Felicia ran out, and made a call
                                                                          Her trick and made her ardor pall!
                                                                          She dialed Brazo 7-8313
                                                                         And she hollered to her pal on the Rio PD:
 

                                                                           He's got green Parakeeters and long-necked snakes
                                                                           And eggs where you wouldn't think an egg could break!
                                                                           In his pockets and his carry ons, but sure as you please,
                                                                           The loveliest of all is in his BVDs


                                                                           Now, that poor guy got his dose of fame,
                                                                           The cops didn't think it was just silly games
                                                                           They took him to the precinct and they checked him in,
                                                                           And the warden told him, "Strip to yore skin!"
                                                                           And here's what they found...

 
                                                                           There was green Parakeeters and long-necked snakes
                                                                           And eggs where you wouldn't think an egg could break!
                                                                           In his pockets and his carry ons, but sure as you please,
                                                                           The loveliest of all was in his BVDs

Regards,

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 08:05 AM

gonna be some tough competition on this one, you bet! *BRAVO!* to you both


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 08:09 AM

To the tune of "The German Clockwinder" as sung by, inter alia, The Dubliners. (Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah)

THE BIRDMAN OF RIO

An Austrian chap, to Brazil one day came
Johann Zillinger was that Austrian's name
Some come to Brazil to relax on the sand
But Johann's ambitions were somewhat more grand

CHORUS
Singing toora-lumma-lumma toora-lumma-lumma toora-lye -aye
Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-aye
Toora-lumma-lumma toora-lumma-lumma toora-lye-aye
Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-aye

Johann was a dealer in contraband beasts
A trade, we'll agree, that ought to be ceased
If they're finned, feathered, furry or covered in scales
He'll soon have them smuggled and offered for sale

CHORUS

His name it was legend with villains abroad
At first they considered his trade to be odd
But Johann's money talked long and talked loud
Everywhere his plane landed he gathered a crowd

CHORUS

They offered him emus and zebras and frogs
Polar bears, lizards, big cats and wild dogs
Giraffes and bush-babies, a huge moray eel
If it crawls, swims or wriggles, he'll cut you a deal

CHORUS

His trip was successful, and soon he'd fly home
To market his produce to those "in the know"
But as he was leaving a little boy begged
"Hey meester, you wanna buy exotic eggs?"

CHORUS

The eggs, he was told, would hatch into birds
More gorgeous than any elsewhere in the world
Kept safe and warm, back in Europe they'd hatch
Birds whose beauty no others could match

CHORUS
He wrapped up the eggs, so precious, so rare
And cradled them inside his oul' underwear
All cosy and warm, they'd be safe through the flight
They would hatch, he was told, in a couple of nights

CHORUS

His suitcase was bulging, all livestock asleep
But just as he boarded, the crew heard a cheep
And then came another, Johann cried in shock
As two tiny hatchlings were pecking his cock

CHORUS

The premature hatching was Johann's downfall
They say that the heat coming off from his balls
Sped up the wee birdies' desire to break free
Of the shell that constrained them since they were conceived

CHORUS

At the trial he was guilty, he pled no excuse
The strength of the case made such pleading no use
And Johann will wait a long time to be free-o
Now they give him the nickname, "The Birdman of Rio"

CHORUS ad nauseam


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 09:34 AM

My, My, My Goodness! What absolutely FANTASTIC songs, my darlin' Challenge!rs!!! And dear Deda, I'm sure that I speak for all the Challenge!rs when I say that I hope your submission is just the first of many, many more. Wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful stuff . . . Now, to the Silver B.L.O.B.s -- which you all are making very hard to award, since your verses keep getting better and better. Ah well, here's goes ;-) --

To Deda, our newest Challenge!r for:

The first time I shook hands with him
I got a big surprise
Peering at me from up his sleeve
Were two big green snake eyes!
Johann stood at a slant, and he tugged at his pants,
listing, and shuffling his feet.
Imagine my astonishment
when he hatched that parakeet!


To Amos, for this wonderful (and memorable!) chorus:

He's got green Parakeeters and long-necked snakes
And eggs where you wouldn't think an egg could break!
In his pockets and his carry ons, but sure as you please,
The loveliest of all is in his BVDs


To mo chara, derrymacash, for the marvelous internal rythm and rhyme ;-) of:

The premature hatching was Johann's downfall
They say that the heat coming off from his balls
Sped up the wee birdies' desire to break free
Of the shell that constrained them since they were conceived

Maith sibh! I just can't wait to see what else you all pull out of your pockets (hahaha) . . .

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 10:57 AM

This one is kinda disjointed but if you imagine a marching band with Carmen Miranda fruit basket hats and many brightly coloured feathers on their uniforms and a singer slipping in a phrase here and there, you will enjoy it.

Bird Smugglers March, by Johan Phillipe Salsa

Zillinger has incubating balls
Budgies make eggs that are so small
Police have searched the suitcase
They'll be hatchin' in Rio after all

Be kind to our Parakeet friends
For an egg maybe leads to another
Be smart selling parrots and snakes
They are of value to you

Make sure that the eggs they are warm
but be careful when they are hatching
Making your sac into bird food
Ain't a wise, wise thing to do.

When trafficing in contraband
Be careful that you are not captured
When smuggling pets over seas
Try to be a, little sage

A bird is worth two in the hand
But five in a sock is much better
But if customs hands you don't grease
You will end up in a cage.

So remember when you smuggle birds
To steer clear away from stool pigeons
It won't put your mind much at ease
To be going on the front page


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: SharonA
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 12:25 PM

Wowie zowie, all these songs are great! Deda, welcome to the zoo! Here's a "brief" little ditty...


HARD EGGS
(Tune: "Heartaches")

Hard eggs, hard eggs,
I'm smugglin' two snakes, birds and hard eggs.
My bag has budgies and they sing to me.
How could I stow their kids? In just my BVD's!

Hard eggs, hard eggs,
What if they shatter twixt my lard-legs?
I would be Pappy to chicks there, too,
When my hard eggs break through!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Dharmabum
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 01:58 PM

A FINE FEATHERED FETISH
(sung to Arlo's "Comin into LA")

Comin into Rio with a zoo in my pants
Nothin could be feelin much finer
Parrots flyin everywhere around the place
I don't think they'll let me on the airliner.

(chorus)
It's a fetish of the finest degree
Snakes & birdies do it for me
Don't check my ass if you please
Mister customs man
NO...OH....OH...

Some guys like to dress up in lingere
Some guys like their bondage & leather
I'm a guy that likes the sound of natures call
Just a sucker for the fin,fur & feather.

(chorus)
I like animal husbandry
I do it in the aviary
Don't check my ass if you please
Mister customs man
NO...OH...OH.....

The judge says I'm a sicko,doctors say that I'm nuts
My wife thinks I'm a sick masturbater
But nothing beats the thrill of hatching eggs in my pants
When my testicles become incubators.

(chorus) I like to smear my body with grease
And jump into a gaggle of geese
Don't check my ass if you please
Mister customs man
NO....OH....OH....

Now I'm stuck in prison in a 9x5 cell
My mental state is tortured & harried
But there's a little birdie that's been hangin around
And next week we're both gonna get married.

(chorus)
It's a fetish of the finest degree
Fur & feathers do it for me
There's a party inside my BVD's
Mister customs man
YEA....YEA....YEA!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: mousethief
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 02:23 PM

The Boxers
With apologies to Paul Simon

I am just a smuggler on the lazy Amazon
I have filled all of my luggage
With mynah birds and cockateels and Parakeets
All's going well! Still a man knows it's a dangerous job
And I could soon catch hell, la la la

When I left my home in Austria, I was headed for Brazil
In the company of strangers, in the quiet of a transatlantic jumbo-jet
Laying low, seeking out the fancy feathers
I could sell for lotsa dough
Looking for the birds to smuggle to my home

Ly-la-ly (etc)

Asking only smuggler's wages I come looking for a job but I get no offers
So I set to work bird-napping on the Amazon
Jammas on,
I stick bird-eggs in my skivvies where they find some comfort there
Getting heat from being nestled in my underwear.

Ly-la-ly (etc)

Now with bird eggs in my boxers and my luggage full of birds
And I carry their reminder on every glove and shirt-sleeve
Where they shat on me till I cried out
In my anger and my rage, "Just you wait, bird! Just you wait, bird!
You will be in a cage!
Then the eggs hatch and start pecking at my nuts.

Ly-la-ly (etc)

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: mousethief
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 02:38 PM

Hot Eggs
tune: Hot Legs by Rod Stewart

Who's that knocking on my door
It's gotta be a quarter to four
It's the customs men, breaking down my door
Well you can search my hotel room if you want
But they hustle me into the john
I'm talkin' to you
Hot eggs, down in my drawers
Hot eggs, giving me sores
Hot eggs, what a crazy idea
I live for money

They got a most persuasive tone
They promise to ship me back home
But what you don't understand
I'm a working man
They nab all my fine feathered friends
Guess this is where my vacation ends
I'm talking to you
Hot eggs, they'll be hatchin' soon
Hot eggs, I'll sing a different tune
Hot eggs, wish they'd leave my room
I live for money

Imagine how my gonads felt
When those birds hatched out down under my belt
Just a few minutes old
But peckin' awfully bold
I got eggs down there in my pants
But I'm twitchin like it's g****amned ants
I'm talking to you
Hot eggs, now the customs men stop
Hot eggs, they watch me reel and rock
Hot eggs, you're making me a fool
I live for money

Hot eggs, now they make me undress
Hot eggs, I'm under great duress
Hot eggs, now they find all my chicks
There goes my money
Hot eggs, you're wearing me out
Hot eggs, I could scream and shout
Hot eggs, I'm such a damned fool
'Thout any money

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 02:44 PM

Wheee. You guys crack me up!!

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 02:50 PM

He met her at the airport
It was a first-sight romance
By the light of the juke box
They stole a kiss and a dance

He said "I'm all warm and tingly
From the love that we've snatched!"
And it was then, in his boxers,
Something started to hatch

His heart was a-flutter
And so were his pants
And with some trepidation
She gave him a glance

He hopped and he staggered
And blinking both eyes
He mumbled an oath
As he pounded his thighs

The crowd in the tavern
Soon circled him round
All clapping in rhythm
As he squirmed to the sound

The girl and the others
were stunned as they watched
the man carried on high
By some thing in his crotch

He soared like an eagle
Then fell like a rock
as out of his pantsleg
Came a parakeet flock

The woman was breathless
For joy she did scream
Such movement and magic
She never had seen

Then he ran to the bar
paid his tab all in cash
And said "I must find a restroom
Before these crocodiles hatch!"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: JenEllen
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 03:06 PM

LMAO Leej. Priceless.
~J


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 03:28 PM

Work in progress:

Hatching a budgie that wasn't so dodgie,
or a parakeet once in a while.
But he met his downfall
when he fumbled the ball,
and he hatched out a young crocodile.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 03:42 PM

Yee-haw! Another great, great round (or should that be oval) of songs!! Alrightey then, without the ado or redux, here are your well deserved Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To Jack the Sailor (I-I-I-I-I-I like it berry much!!!) for his usual inimitable versology:

Zillinger has incubating balls
Budgies make eggs that are so small
Police have searched the suitcase
They'll be hatchin' in Rio after all


To SharonA for this rib-ticklin' little bit of a ditty -- and really, any woman who can pair up 'hard eggs' and 'lard-legs' deserves a Golden B.L.O.B.:

Hard eggs, hard eggs,
What if they shatter twixt my lard-legs?
I would be Pappy to chicks there, too,
When my hard eggs break through!


To my loverly Dharmabum (kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss -- you know what I mean . . . ) for this bit o' bull that's meant to tickle you in your 'naughty bits':

Some guys like to dress up in lingere
Some guys like their bondage & leather
I'm a guy that likes the sound of natures call
Just a sucker for the fin, fur & feather.


And now, for my darlin' wee mousethief -- who appears to have two wild eggs up his briefs ;-) a double dose of S.B.L.O.B. for:

Now with bird eggs in my boxers and my luggage full of birds
And I carry their reminder on every glove and shirt-sleeve
Where they shat on me till I cried out
In my anger and my rage, "Just you wait, bird! Just you wait, bird!
You will be in a cage!
Then the eggs hatch and start pecking at my nuts.


AND FOR:

Imagine how my gonads felt
When those birds hatched out down under my belt
Just a few minutes old
But peckin' awfully bold
I got eggs down there in my pants
But I'm twitchin like it's g****amned ants
I'm talking to you
Hot eggs, now the customs men stop
Hot eggs, they watch me reel and rock
Hot eggs, you're making me a fool
I live for money


To Lonesome EJ, you sweet thang ;-), a Silver B.L.O.B. for these two verses -- LEJ wrote such a great story song, it's impossible to seperate them -- I mean, how could I break up such a great pair? ;-) -- so here ya go:

He met her at the airport
It was a first-sight romance
By the light of the juke box
They stole a kiss and a dance

He said "I'm all warm and tingly
From the love that we've snatched!"
And it was then, in his boxers,
Something started to hatch



Hugs and snogs to all, Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: SharonA
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 04:07 PM

Holy moley! A Golden B.L.O.B.??? I... I... I don't have words to express my gratitude. I am deeply honored.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 04:07 PM

Eggs, by Zillinger Zillinger Top

He's got Eggs
she knows where to stash 'em
Between his legs
he's trying not to hatch them
He`s holdin Eggs
Maybe likes to feel 'em
And now he wants to smuggle them
Doesn't want to cuddle them
It's his Livlyhood
Doin' no one good
Its not right, not right


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 04:38 PM

I HOPE THEY DON'T HATCH NOW
(Tune: Itches in me britches)

I came from out the jungle, on a hot and humid day
Went to the Rio airport, for to go along my way;
I hadn't heard of nine-one-one, while up the Amazon
Thought I'd breeze through customs, like whistle-ing a song!

Chorus:
I hope they don't hatch now,
God, I hope they don't hatch now!
I got itches in me britches,
God! I hope they don't hatch now!


They opened up my luggage, they took out all my loot;
Pawed through all my t-shirts and my sunday suit
They found the anaconda, and the crested green Macaw;
I had bought in Belen city for to sell in Austria

Chorus:

A reticulated python was a-sleeping in my trunk
And several baby monkeys, amongst the other junk
But they didn't check my thermos, so I guess they didn't find
The amazon blue tetras that I had slipped inside

Chorus:

The custom men all chuckled , when I had to strip
To see the roll of socks, when my pants I did unzip.
Let them laugh, and think I'm vain, my crotch to pad and puff
My family jewels were sharin' space with some really fancy stuff!

Chorus:

For trafficking in animals, exotic rich and rare
The authorities in Rio have sentenced me to a punishment "most quare"
The roll of socks which once I wore, with budgie eggs within
Now holds some snapping turtle eggs against my tender skin!

Chorus: x2



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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 05:02 PM

ALEX!!!!! Heeheeheeheeeheheeeheeeee!!!!!!!!! :-D

This is something that must happen fairly often. A few months ago I heard a story about a woman arrested for smuggling snakes in her brazzer. I tried to look for it on the Net to send to Aine but I never could find it. This one is just as good, though.

I used to have a budgie. I don't think I'll ever look at budgies the same again...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM

If y'all don't mind, I'll be back in a moment to award the latest bunch of B.L.O.B.s -- But, right now, I want y'all to take a moment, put your hair up in a ponytail or slick it back with Dippity Doo, pull on your bobby socks, slip on your penny loafers, and imagine one of those friendly folks that frisk you at the airport singing this little ditty on American Bandstand:


Da Dude Done Run by Áine
(Tune: Da Doo Ron Ron as recorded by The Crystals)


I noticed him that Monday 'cuz he couldn't stand still,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
His passport said that his name was Zill,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Yes, he couldn't stand still,
Yes, his name was Zill,
And when I waved my wand,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

He was pullin' on his britches when he caught my eye,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
Twistin' up his face and tryin' not to cry,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Yes, he caught my eye,
Yes, tryin' not to cry,
And when his pants started to sing,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

I tackled him around the waist and took him down,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
His britches slid right off and fell onto the ground,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Yes, I took him down,
Yes, his pants were on the ground,
And scamperin' in pain and fright,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Slappin' at his nooglies he ran down the mall,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
Screams and baby budgies flyin' down the hall,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Yes, all his eggs had hatched,
Yes, they'd nested in his thatch,
And his progeny away they snatched,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 06:10 PM

Alrightey then, now that I've got that out of my system -- and what a load off my mind ;-) -- here are your shiny Silver B.L.O.B.s for verses well done (or should that be over easy??):

To our one and only Jack the Sailor for:

He's got Eggs
she knows where to stash 'em
Between his legs
he's trying not to hatch them


To MMario, our 'fancy man', for:

The custom men all chuckled , when I had to strip
To see the roll of socks, when my pants I did unzip.
Let them laugh, and think I'm vain, my crotch to pad and puff
My family jewels were sharin' space with some really fancy stuff!



Keep 'em coming, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 07:10 PM

Yes, he caught my eye,
Yes, tryin' not to cry,
And when his pants started to sing,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

hee-hee-hee-hee!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Tinker
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 07:36 PM

Okay, my apologies again.... ya see I just got a copy of The Erotic Muse in the mail from Elderly and this song or a shorter varient was ear worming already and then this song challenge came along and well.... you guys have all been so classy about it....



Scrotum (Tune: Jada from the 1918 musical Bean Pie)

Scrotum, Scrotum
S-c-r-o-t-u-m
Scrotum, Scrotum
What cha gonna do if an'when ?

An Austrian in Rio was lookin' for bucks
Put some parrots with his snake and packed 'em up in a trunk
Oh scrotum, scrotum
You'll never guess what he did then?

Five little eggs rolled up in a sock
Under his balls, safe and warm for luck
Oh scrotum, scrotum
What if the pippin' soon does begin?

The parakeets a-pippin'from its haven down under
It could have been a most bloody blunder
Oh scrotum, scrotum
What cha gonna do if an' when ?
Scrotum, Scrotum
What if the pippin' soon does begin?

There are eggs in a nest and mammary glands
But this technique could cause a grand stand
Oh scrotum, scrotum
What if the little peckers do peck?
Scrotum, Scrotum
You better hope their ready to rest

Baggy Assed Shaggy Assed
Covered with hair
He had a little nest just hidden there
Oh Scrotum, Scrotum
Balls up get'em outa here
Scrotum, Scrotum
Now Customs' in your underwear

There are snakes in your luggage and the parrots will tell
If the newly hatch birds are part of the swell?
Oh Scrotum, Scrotum
Balls up get'em outta here
Scrotum, Scrotum
For ballin' birds is not done here
For ballin' birds is not done here


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 07:45 PM

Boy, TGG, you sure know how to put all your eggs in one...ummmm...basket!

I nominate you for a Super Silver BLOB for starting this Challenge AND for the hilarious couplet cited by MuhMuhMario above!

Love,

A,


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:15 AM

All God's Critters - Parody All God's Critters Got a Place In My Pants (with apologies to Bill Staines)

Chorus:
All God's critters got a place in my pants--
Some for money, some for romance,
Some sing out loud, just so I can dance,
And some just flap their wings to keep me cooler in the summer.

Listen to the chicks hatching near my bottom,
Will it be a cock  or a hen I've begotten?
Will the chickies be imprinted on my thing,
Or will it be my swan song they  sing?

All God's critters got  ... .

Listen to the cop that frisked me in Rio
On a felony charge that could get me a year,
He made me his collar for a silly little thing,
Like the jay bird up my sleeve.

All God's critters got  ... .

Smuggling in the night time, smuggling in the day;
Little duck quackin' prob'ly gave me away.
The python gobbled it, to my dismay,
& the parrot just cried "Ole!"

All God's critters got  ...  .

It's a smuggler's life, critter crap everywhere,
In my Samsonite, in my underwear!
The boa in my muffler's cuttin' off my air,
And the mynah's startin' to swear!

All God's critters got  ...  .

© 2001 Jeanene Pratt


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 02:35 AM

With The Eggs Tucked In His Underwear
(Tune: Anne Boleyn)

In the town of Rio Wednesday night
A charge of animal trafficking was made
Against a brazen Austrian in flight
Engaging in the stolen critter trade.

Chorus:
With the eggs tucked in his underwear
He crossed the borderline
Till the birds hatched in his underwear
He was doing just fine!

He's going to cross the border with a boa in his brief-
Case, and scads of parrots in his bags, 'cause he's a thief,
And just in case the customs agents try to give him grief,
He's got the eggs tucked in his underwear.

Inside his brand new attaché, he's got snake or two,
And in his trunk four parakeets he purchased in Peru,
But it's awfully awkward for the bloke when he has to use the loo
With the eggs tucked in his underwear.

Chorus

Sometimes Brazilian coppers get a tip
From nameless pals and gals that they have bought.
They've seen suspicious bulges near the hips,
And, Voila!, Seńor Zillinger is caught!
"Hold it, bud!" The federales shout,
And twenty-one Macaws come flying out.

Chorus

The day they cornered Johann, he was in the Copa bar
A-stuffing beer nuts in his pants (we noticed from afar!)--
It seems he'd spawned a parakeet maternity ward
Where there were eggs tucked in his underwear!

Chorus

The waitresses just thought he was an ordinary guy,
But when they saw those bulges in his pants, they said, "Oh, my!
It must be Long Dong Silver!"  He induced a thousand sighs,
When the snake snuck into his underwear!

Genie

html fixed per request by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 02:44 AM

Mudself, if you are there, can you insert the word "in" in the third line of the above song? It should read, "...against a brazen Austrian in flight ...".

Also, less important, but the title should be bold, too.

Thanks, Genie

P.S., I didn't really mean to make the print THAT big!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 03:04 AM

Well, Jeez--I've used up half a box of Kleenex wiping down the keyboard, the monitor, the cat....Gawd!

Humble offering for a song with three chords:

Gonna Haul Anacondas
(To the tune of "Gonna Find Me a Bluebird")

Gonna haul anacondas
In a suitcase or two
Gonna catch me a parrot
For ... a ... zoo.

Gonna pack me a blue bird,
And a green cockatoo.
But for tough little eggs now
That ... won't ... do.

Bridge

I have a secret
In my old brown sock here.
It's like a rock here
Between my legs.
Don't touch me buddy,
I know I'm walkin' funny
But I'm makin' money,
I've ... got ... eggs!

Now they're chirpin' and cheepin'
And they're out of their shells,
And I forgot the birdseed?
Life ... is ... hell.

Yeah, they got the boa constrictor
And a mynah or three,
And now they're confiscatin'
My B ... V ... Ds.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 08:33 AM

LOL! (literaly, good thing my co-workers are used to me.)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Clifton53
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 09:20 AM

The Cockee In Seat 10-D
(Tune is "The Cockee of Bangaree"}

My name is Johann Zillinger come listen to my tale
I smuggle snakes and parakeets,everything's for sale
Come listen to the story
You can take it straight from me
I'll tell you all how I became
The Cockee in seat 10-D

In Austria there are no beasts as tropical as these
But in Brazil they're plentiful, they grow right in the trees
So I went down to Belen
Bought as many as I pleased
And started back to earn me fame
The Cockee in seat 10-D

Now smugglin' eggs is no small feat, it's somethin' you can't botch
I wrapped them in a handkerchief and tucked 'em in me crotch
And the profit will be lovely
I'll have a rare 'ol spree
And fame and fortune will be mine
The Cockee in seat 10-D

I tucked the snakes and parrots down within me bags so stout
And wrapped 'em with some extra rags so the buggers don't get out
But the fragile little bird eggs
I kept them close to me
A gentle note down by me scrote
The Cockee in seat 10-D

But how the story ends me boys, I really should explain
They'll tell this tale for years and years with a loud and happy refrain
I got busted in the taxi
They locked me up you see
I never even got on board
The Cockee in seat 10-D

Great work folks, Many laughs here

Clifton


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 09:24 AM

. . . and what to my wondering eyes should appear . . . but even MORE great songs hatched from the heads of you Challenge!rs!! Here are this morning's set of Silver B.L.O.B.s for you --

To Tinker (my, my, my!!) for:

There are eggs in a nest and mammary glands
But this technique could cause a grand stand
Oh scrotum, scrotum
What if the little peckers do peck?
Scrotum, Scrotum
You better hope their ready to rest


And to Genie, a Silver B.L.O.B. each for:

It's a smuggler's life, critter crap everywhere,
In my Samsonite, in my underwear!
The boa in my muffler's cuttin' off my air,
And the mynah's startin' to swear!


AND

Inside his brand new attaché, he's got snake or two,
And in his trunk four parakeets he purchased in Peru,
But it's awfully awkward for the bloke when he has to use the loo
With the eggs tucked in his underwear.


And to Lin in Kansas (hey girlfriend!), a double Silver B.L.O.B. for this pair of HI-larious lyrics:

Now they're chirpin' and cheepin'
And they're out of their shells,
And I forgot the birdseed?
Life ... is ... hell.

Yeah, they got the boa constrictor
And a mynah or three,
And now they're confiscatin'
My B ... V ... Ds.



Yep, ya just can't find any better songsters than my darlin' Challenge!rs -- no brag, just fact! ;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 09:28 AM

Whoops -- Clifton and I seem to have cross-posted our last messages -- And not wanting to leave out one of the best of our mad lot, here's a Silver B.L.O.B. to Clifton53 for:

I tucked the snakes and parrots down within me bags so stout
And wrapped 'em with some extra rags so the buggers don't get out
But the fragile little bird eggs
I kept them close to me
A gentle note down by me scrote
The Cockee in seat 10-D


Well done! -- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 10:39 AM

Copacabana    © 2001 Sonja W. Oates

(Based on Copacabana, by  Barry Manilow, Bruce Sussman, and J. Feldman)

His name was Johann, he was a smuggler
With birdies's eggs  within his trunks that made it look like he was hung.
He would traffic in critter cargo,
While he was flying thru the air, the birds and beasties, they were there,
Inside his Samsonite, tucked away for flight--
Even birds' eggs in his jockeys,
So his jeans are tight!

At the Copa, Copacabana,
With birdie eggs by his banana.
At the Copa, Copacabana,
Pythons and parrots the agents did ferret,
At the Copa....they busted him.
 
Her name was Rita, she wore a wire.
She sashayed over to his chair, when she saw the bulging there.
She saw a flutter from near his putter,
And it removed all trace of doubt when a naked head poked out
With its beak open wide, its hunger not denied,
Seeking food from the one who hatched it--
"Cheep!  Cheep! Cheeeeeep," it cried!

At the Copa, Copacabana,
The birds' nest was by his banana.
At the Copa, Copacabana,|
Zillinger's passion set those eggs a-hatchin'.
At the Copa....she turned him in.

Her name is Rita, she was a copper
And she gave the guy no break when she stumbled on that snake!
Parakeets in his underwear, feathers in his pubic hair,
Now he's been jailed and fined, 'cause justice, she is blind,
He lost his suitcases and his laptop
When she made her find!

At the Copa, Copacabana,
The hottest spot was his banana.
At the Copa, Copacabana,
Animal snatchin' was just not in fashion!
At the Copa....she got her man.

spelling correction made per request by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 10:48 AM

*clap, clap, clap, clap, clap!* Way to go Sonja!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:02 PM

Yea Sonja! I was wondering when someone was gonna use the 'Copa' song ;-) Fine, fine job -- and here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Her name was Rita, she wore a wire.
She sashayed over to his chair, when she saw the bulging there.
She saw a flutter from near his putter,
And it removed all trace of doubt when a naked head poked out
With its beak open wide, its hunger not denied,
Seeking food from the one who hatched it--
"Cheep! Cheep! Cheeeeeep," it cried!



-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Clifton53
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:06 PM

I'm freakin' dyin' heah!!

" Snots are everywhere man, snots are everywhere"!

Sonja, that was so fine!

Dharmabum, testicles incubatin'
A freakin scream I'm awaitin'.

And thank you Aine, Blush blush, gush gush,
Gimme a pat right on me tush!

Master Macaw

Two-thousand and one bein' the date of the year
All the parrothead smugglers sure did appear
To win the great prize and bear it awah
Nevar countin' on Johann and Master McCaw

I'm sure that young Buffet he sure would approve
If snakes and young parakeets you wish to move
Just fly down to Belen and fill up your craw
And don't give a thought to young Master McCaw

I'm lovin' bejesus the danger so near
And the stewardess eyes me as if I were queer
It's true they been peckin' me testicles raw
But I'll soon turn a profit on Master McCaw

Now in South America anything goes
You can run all around with birds in your clothes
But back in 'ol Austria, there is one flaw
" The colors will blind them" says Master McCaw

Now down by the 'Copa they gave me a knock
Imagine me fear as they fingered me frock
Please help me 'ol mudcatters, help me 'ol Spaw
They're slappin' the cuffs on 'ol Master McCaw

As they poked me and probed for their illegal smile
I was laughin' and cussin' at them all the while
For they'll never besmirch me or make me say "draw"
" I'll tarnish their laurels" says Master McCaw.

Clifton


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:19 PM

Thanks for the Silver B.L.O.B., Áine. (Dunno what it stands for, but it sounds like something good!) And thanks for the kudos, Clifton & MMario.

BTW, that line is supposed to be "...And it removed all trace of doubt when a naked head poked out ..." (as opposed to "...trade of doubt..."). Mudcat, can you fix that boo-boo in the "Copa" song? Thanks.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 04:25 PM

This one is not finished yet, but I want to 'claim' the chorus before someone else does.

Itsy Bitsy Baby Budgie In His Brand New Hanes Bikinis

It was an itsy bitsy baby budgie in his brand new Hanes bikinis
That had hatched from its egg just today.
An itsy bitsy baby budgie in his brand new Hanes bikinis
That gave the wannabe smuggler away.

© 2001 Sonja W. Oates


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 04:27 PM

Priceless, Sonja! Can't wait to hear the rest!

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Genie Who can't find her cookie
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 05:25 PM

I've got to quit doing this, but this story just begs for songs. Here's another:

T W A  (Tune: M T A)

Now let me tell you of the story of ein Herr called Johann
On vacation down Rio way,
Put two boas in his backpack, stuffed his shorts with birds' eggs,
Tried to fly on TWA.

     But did he ever return?  Oh, no he never returned,
     'Cause at the Copa he got burned.
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Johann stuffed those snakes into his socks inside his sneakers
So they'd slumber peacefully.
Then he tucked away the twenty-one parrots in his t-shirts
And the eggs inside his BVD's.

     But did he ever return?  Oh, no he never returned,
     For it seems the worm has turned.
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Now all this beastly booty he had bought there in beautiful
Brazil, for just a paltry sum,
He thought he'd make out like a bandit when he sold them in Vienna--
Guess he thought Brazilian cops were dumb!

    But did he ever return?  Oh, no he never returned,
     And not a Euro did he earn!
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Now, sitting right there at the bar at the Copa,
With the budgie eggs in his shorts,
I'm afraid our hero's body temp'rature started rising
When he downed a couple quarts.

And those little baby budgies started hatchin' and a-chirpin'
As he headed for the taxi stand.
When his jockeys started burstin', and the parrots started cursin',
He was clearly carryin' contraband.

     So, did he ever return?  Oh, no he never returned,
     'Cause his boxers pulsed and churned.
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Johann's wife flies down to Rio de Janiero
Every year to try to set him free,
But they've charged him with those thirty-two counts of critter smuggling--
Not to mention bestiality!

    So has he ever returned?  Oh, no he never returned,
     So his wife just yearns and yearns.
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Now, you folks  who'd like to traffic in exotic beasties,
Just remember this sad smuggler's tale.
If you try to use your undies as a budgie incubator,
You may never get out of jail.

     And you'll never return, no, you'll never return,
    'Cause at customs you'll get burned.
     You may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     Be the one who never returns.
 

© 2001 Jeanene Pratt


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM

Ah Clifton, that last one of yours is definitely Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award material!! And here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

As they poked me and probed for their illegal smile
I was laughin' and cussin' at them all the while
For they'll never besmirch me or make me say "draw"
" I'll tarnish their laurels" says Master McCaw.


And Sonja -- 'B.L.O.B.' stands for 'Best Line O' Bull' -- get it? ;-) Now that you know, get to work on the itsy bitsy baby budgie song!!

To Genie (with or without her cookie, she's a Winnah!) for this fantastic mental image:

And those little baby budgies started hatchin' and a-chirpin'
As he headed for the taxi stand.
When his jockeys started burstin', and the parrots started cursin',
He was clearly carryin' contraband.



Way to go, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 06:53 PM

Ok, Áine, I promise I will finish the song tomorrow (no time today). But the Title and hook line really should (and will) be:

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Budgie In His Hanes Bikinis.

Sonja


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 09:04 AM

To the tune of "Phil The Fluter's Ball" (how tacky is that?!)

Noah from the Bible got a tip-off of a flood
So he built a bloody great big boat as quickly as he could
And bunged it full of animals, large, medium and small
And sure, Noah he was laughing as the rain began to fall
And Mister Johann Zillinger, who deals in dodgy animals
Was shopped to the police by a local coppers' nark
And as the cops surrounded him, he said I am no criminal
God above's appointed me to be a human ark

With a pig in my wig and a nest in my vest
I've got ants in my pants and pests on my chest
Gnus in my shoes and a fox in my socks
And in the lining of my jacket I've concealed a huge bull-ox

The airport police stood open-jawed in disbelief
They believed that they were trailing a villain and a thief
But now he'd turned the tables, if they believed his word
It appeared that the boul' Johann was an envoy of the Lord
And thus it was Herr Johann evaded long detention
He should have spent a long time in a prison cell
But he was upgraded at the very mention
Of his mission from the Lord to save all animals from hell

With a cat in my hat and some bitches in my britches
Cunningly concealed behind some decorative stitches
I've got chicks in my knicks and - the very coup de grace! ?
I've got a hairy caterpillar hiding in my ass


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 09:21 AM

Uh, derrymacash -- did you have one too many uisce té at the pub last night? ;-) Or have you been hanging out with Jack the Sailor a bit too much? Woo - that one is hoot! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for these poetically pruient lines:

With a cat in my hat and some bitches in my britches
Cunningly concealed behind some decorative stitches
I've got chicks in my knicks and - the very coup de grace! ?
I've got a hairy caterpillar hiding in my ass


-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 09:42 AM

Just goes to show you that the challenges are just a take-off point.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 11:50 AM

To the tune of "The Nighht Before Larry Was Stretched"

The Night Before Johann Was Searched

The night before Johann was searched
The boys and me paid him a visit
Into his hotel room we lurched
"The stuff" Johann asked us "where is it?"
For Johann was ever the lad
To be fixing to make him a killin'
If profit there was to be had
Then Jo would make manys the shillin'
And guineas and fivers forbye

The boys and me crowded in fast
And drew all our stools round about him
"Who's first? And who will be last?"
That gave rise to a fair bit of shoutin'
But Johann he said "Settle down
Let's act like you're men used to dealin'
Fine, honoured men about town
Not rogues at home with sheep-stealin'
And rustlin' of catlle as well"

"I'm sorry dear Johann" says I
"To cause any agg-a-ravation
And blister my limbs if I lie
We mean to cause no agitation
We'll step up now, each in his turn
To offer you creatures of quality
We peasants have not, it seemed, learned
To behave with all due formality"
And with that, the business commenced

I offered a fine pair of birds
And a reptile of some unknown variety
They really were the last word
Fit for any Zoological Society
And next up came parrots and frogs
A monkey, a blushing flamingo
Fishes and two types of dog
A snake and a bloody great dingo
(God knows how that bugger got here!)

And Johann at last said "Enough!
Much thanks for your netting and trappin'
I've got myself plenty of stuff
On my door back at home they'll be rappin'"
And off we slunk into the night
Each clutching his wad of blood-money
And Johann prepared for his flight
Thinking he'd have a clear run (He
Couldn't have known the result!)

Never do business with thieves
Forget about "honour among"
For one of our crowd was aggrieved
And determined to see Johann hung
Just as Judas betrayed with a kiss
Yer man with the beard and the sandals
Johann met his nemesis
And the news was one hell of a scandal
(They're writing songs 'bout it yet!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 11:57 AM

aww- shucks! you passed up the chance to use "egg"-gravation and "egg"-grieved - but otherwise "egg"-cellent work.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Kim C
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 01:54 PM

You guys are TOO MUCH!!! All of ya!!!!!!! :-D


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 02:03 PM

Derry:

Your usual masterful work!! Loved it -- I can just hear it overlaid to "The Night that Poor Larry Got Stretched". LOL!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Dharmabum
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 02:46 PM

JOHANN ZILLINGER
(An outlaws Tale)

Sit back & listen
And a tale I will tell
About a modern day outlaw
Who got famous as hell.

Johann Zillinger
Was this outlaws name
He was sneaky & shady
And smugglin' was his game.

Now he'd tried his hand
At 9 to 5 employment
But that didn't provide 'em
With too much enjoyment.

He said "I don't believe"
"In that Old Lady Luck"
"That's why I'll steal damn near"
"Anything for a buck".

Soon he'd established
His reputation & fame
Folks used to shudder
When they heard Johann's name.

He'd steal anything
That wasn't tied down
Folks locked their doors & windows
When he came into town.

He'd rob anyone
From the north or the south
Hell,I heard he even snatched the gold
From his own Granny's mouth.

Then one day he heard
There's big money to be made
From being a smuggler
In the exotic animal trade.

So he bought him a ticket
And flew by way of Brazilian
While he dreamed of his fortune
He thought "I'll make me a million".

So he trekked into the jungle
With a bag & a net
To see how many
Feathered creatures he could get.

He bagged parakeets
And an African Grey
Even threw in a Boa Constrictor
He'd found along the way.

When his bag was full
And bulging over the top
It wasn't till then
That Johann did stop.

On his way back to town
He started to wonder
How to smuggle these critters
Without becoming a blunder.

He thought of disguises
Maybe uncles or aunts
But birds look too suspect
Wearing dresses & pants.

"I know!",as an idea
Popped into his head
"I'll smuggle them out"
"On my person instead".

So he started hiding
His black market fare
As he got out the duct tape
And extra large underwear.

Parakeets in his armpits
And parrots down his back
And that poor African Grey
Stuffed right in the crack.

And I can't even say
Where he put that Constrictor
Aw hell, yes I can
It went right up his sphincter!

So there stood our Johann
Heavier by 60 pounds
As he headed for the airport
At the edge of that town.

As he got to the taxi
He started to wonder
"What is that weird feeling?"
"That I'm feeling down under".

He was breaking a sweat
As he looked at his watch
When a cheeping & peeping sound
Came from his crotch.

He thought"I can still make it"
As he wiped his face with a towel
Then that constrictor,constricted
Inside of his bowel.

Now ,with that & those birdies
Pecking his balls
Sent poor Johann screaming
On a fierce nature call.

He ran down the street
But was quite easy to catch
Let's just say that they got 'em
Where those birdies did hatch.

And now that you've heard
Of poor Johann's tale
Please think of him kindly
As he sits in that jail.

And I hear he gets visits
At lights out,after dark
Of course....after that Boa
It's just a walk in the park.

DB.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:25 AM

Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Baby Bird In His Bikinis
(Tune: Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini)

He was afraid to come out of the taxi,
He was afraid that the bulges would show.
He was afraid to come out of the taxi,
He was afraid everybody would know.

(One, two, three, four,
What the federales saw)

 Was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis
 Movin' in a provocative way,
 An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis,
 Gave old Johann the smuggler away.
 
He was afraid to submit to the strip search;
He turned bright red, the customs lady could see.
He was afraid to submit to the strip search,
Because those budgie chicks had soiled his BVD's!

(Three, four, five, six,
What a nest for hatching chicks!)
 
 It was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis--
 That's why Johann was walkin' that way.
 An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie in his Hanes bikinis--
 Birds in your crotch can just ruin your whole day!

He was afraid that the agents would ferret
Out all the snakes and birds that he had stowed away.
He might have fooled 'em, were it not for that parrot
That started squealin' and gave him away!

(Five, six, seven, eight,
What did that stool pigeon say?)

     "He's got some itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie eggs in his bikinis!"
     That's what that big mouth Macaw bird did say,
     "Itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie eggs there by his weenie!
     And don't forget the boas in his attaché!"

He was afraid he'd no more see Vienna,
And so he tried to say "They're just beloved pets!"
But twenty-one parakeets wrapped in bandanas
Told the customs cops his tale was all wet!

     And then that itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis
     Popped right on out, much to Johann's dismay!
     An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie in his Hanes bikinis--
     Now they're taking our hero away.

(Four, three, two, one,
Tell the man what he has won!)

     It is an eeny weeny, itty bitty cell in a Brazilian city,
     That's the wages of Zillerman's foul crime!
     An eeny weeny, itty bitty cell in a Brazilian city,
     Where Johann's now doing his seven to nine!

©  Sonja W. Oates, 2001


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:29 AM

Derrymasch, that's priceless!!!!!

Sonja


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:42 AM

Derrymasch, both yours were great, but, for clarification, the post above was in repsponse to the Phil The Fluther parody.

Dharma, you crack me up! (No double 'entendre'd.)

Sonja


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 09:18 AM

Sonja - well done!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:29 PM

Alrightey then, I think we've beat the bushes well enough and scrambled our collective yolks to a frothy frenzy on this Challenge! So, the awarding of the Chips shall now commence . . . and I have to say that this has been one of the BEST Challenge!s we've had in a while. Cudos and congrats and beaucoups gracias to each and every one of you!! ;-)

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

The Cockee In Seat 10-D by Clifton53
Johann Zillinger by Dharmabum
Scrotum by Tinker
T W A by Genie
With The Eggs Tucked In His Underwear by Genie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

The Boxers by mousethief
Copacabana by Sonja
Eggs by Zillinger Zillinger Top (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)
I Hope They Don't Hatch Now by MMario
Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Baby Bird In His Bikinis by Sonja

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

The Birdman of Rio by derrymacash
A Fine Feathered Fetish by Dharmabum
Goings On In Rio by Amos
The Marvelous Johann by Deda
The Night Before Johann Was Searched by derrymacash
Soar Like An Eagle, Fall Like A Rock by Lonesome EJ

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Bird Smugglers March by Johan Phillipe Salsa (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)
Gonna Haul Anacondas by Lin in Kansas
Hard Eggs by SharonA
Hot Eggs by mousethief
The Human Ark by derrymacash

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

All God's Critters by Genie
Master Macaw by Clifton53



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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 03:25 PM

And a special award,

The Silverplated Electric Incubater with Nut Cluster,

(This is unique award for mirth production above and beyond the call of duty and not to be self administered.)

Awarded to Áine for "Da Dude Done Run"!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 03:47 PM

Gold, no less! Áine, I'm verklempt!! (Is that how you spell it?)

Sonja


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Clifton53
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 05:14 PM

Thank You Aine, For the Sheila Na Gig gig, I'm touched, well, that's what people tell me anyway.

Clifton


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 05:49 PM

Oh Jack, thank you so much for the S.E.I.N.C.!! ;-) And I promise not to self-administer anything without asking you first!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Genie (sans cookie)
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 08:16 PM

Two Golden Cow Chips?!!! I'm udderly flabbergasted! Thanks, Áine!

Genie

BTW, I think you deserve some cow chips, too! If you aren't allowed to self-administer them, we'll toss a few at you if you keep writing such gems!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 08:27 PM

Áine, bless your heart! I can use that MMario Memorial Spittoon to catch some of the coffee/tea/etc. that shoots out my nose when I read these Song Challenges! (Should save on Kleenex!)

Many thanks--

Lin


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! - Part 67
From: Genie
Date: 30 Nov 10 - 11:24 PM

Just refreshing my memory of this particularly wonderful and hilarious Song Challenge!

I think our Mudcatter poets attained some new highs in parodistic humor! (Or should that be new lows?)

Genie


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