BS: malapropisms

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Red
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 02:28 PM

Mike the Knife
a good healthy heap of curry and you would have bean (sic) right.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 12:07 AM

Mike, your story reminds me of a mistake I made when I was in Italy (more than a few years ago). It's not really a malaprop nor even a mondegreen, because the error was in my mental translation.

I was getting comfortable enough with speaking Italian in casual conversation that I had begun to think sort of half in Italian and half in English.

My Italian boyfriend said to me, when I was sitting on his lap, "Sei legere come un piume." ("Piume" sounds pretty much like the English word "puma," if you prounce that as "pyoo-muh.") I actually knew enough Italian to translate his sentence easily as "You are light as a feather." But my initial take on what he had said was "You are light as a puma."

I didn't quite know how to take that remark--until I reflected on what he had actually said.

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 11:59 PM

LMAO, Mike!!!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Mike the Knife
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 04:08 PM

While living in Germany, I made the following errors: While proudly describing what I was making for dinner, I tried to tell my girlfriend's mother that I was preparing a "Gemuse Auflauf" (Vegetable Cassarole). Instead, I told her I was preparing a "Gemuse Einlauf" (Enema)

Same German girlfriend: While trying to impress her & her friends (who had all worked/studied in the UK), I bought a bunch of different Cheddars, Stilton, etc. from an Irish fellow who operated a stand on the square on market days. When explaining where it all came from- instead of telling them it came from an Irishman (Irer) with a stand (Stand) on the market, it came accross that the cheese came from a crazy person (Irrer) with an erection (Stander).

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Brían
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 02:37 PM

Were declensions allowed?

Brían

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 12:19 PM

I once worked in a school where the headmaster constatntly reminded students "not to conjucate at the water fountain".

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 04:37 AM

I heard a newscaster or commentator today speak of someone being "too big for his bridges."

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 03:46 AM

Didn't Mrs Malaprop say "child progeny"?
GUEST,Brían
that Tuna Caesarean, was it delivered with a knife (& fork)?

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Brían
Date: 21 Sep 02 - 09:23 PM

I had an Algebra teacher who was fond of giving what he referred to as "Little quizzies", until a sudent commented one day as she looked at her paper:

"If this is one of your little quizzies, I'd hate to see one of your testies".

A friend of mine overheard a co-worker who was ordering sandwiches for the office ask for a Tuna Caesarean sandwich.

Brían

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Fifer
Date: 21 Sep 02 - 12:03 PM

A local politician in our area, not renowned for either the clarity of his thought, or language, stood to address his fellow councillors, and uttered the following...

"It has been brung to my attention that certain allegations have been made about members of this council! You may rest assured that the alligators will be found, and made to explain themselves"

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bernard
Date: 21 Sep 02 - 12:00 PM

Read that through and make sure you are completely faux pas with it...

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Juanita
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 04:07 PM

One I hear frequently is the Spanish phrase "mano a mano" used as though it meant "man to man." It doesn't. It means "hand to hand."

J

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: C-flat
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 04:28 AM

The same person responsible for the "vicious circus" quote was also overheard singing "I'm just a cock-eyed octopus"(optimist).
Another little gem came from the wife of a friend. Her rendition of "Only the lonely" comes out as "Only Baloney".

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 06 Sep 02 - 05:50 PM

Well, I once told someone in France that I was going to wash my horses. (I said "mes chevaux," instead of "mes cheveux.")

¤;-D

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Sep 02 - 09:07 AM

I once told a french cab driver to take me to the Big Chicken. The Grand Palais came out as Grand Pullet.

A friend realized after the fact why there had been an awkward silence at a formal dinner in Paris, after the host asked if anyone was hungry, she'd said Oui, mange moi! Yes, eat me!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Sep 02 - 11:37 AM

Genie,

I'm not really sure if the two Freddies are one and the same. Lansing, Michigan had 3 shops, I think. They all closed down shortly after Dunkin' Donuts came on the scene. I haven't had time to read all the posts to this thread. Has anyone mentioned the hilarious stories Grandpa Jones used to tell on Hee Haw?...

Rindercella and the Pransome Hince (Rinder slopped her dripper, ya know.) Or the Pee Little Thrigs and the Wig Bad Bolf (the ol' bolf puffed and huffed and howed the blouse down.)

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 08:39 PM

One I heard on the news this afternoon -- on NPR, of all places -- was a statement that such-and-such government agency didn't believe certain (potentially problematic) conditions "posed any real standards for the public." (Sorry I don't remember the details of what potential hazards they were talking about, but in context it was obvious they meant to say these things would not "pose problems" (or "threats" or "hazards").

Yeah, Bert, it would be "lawnmower" if you pronounce it right. ;-)

Guest, was that THE "Freddie's Doughnuts" -- that used to operate in the Newark, NJ area? When I was in grade school in East Orange, Freddie's Doughnuts were to my friends and me what Krispy Kremes seem to be to folks nowadays. If that's the company, it's too bad they are no more. (Oh, the memories!) And, yes, your letter and syllable juxtaposition constitute "spoonerisms." (There's a thread or two in the forum on those.)

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 06:07 PM

so THAT's what has happened in my basement, Amos!...all those 'momentos' have collided and accrued excess mass, which has then divided exponentially and filled all the space formerly occupied by quarks!...

The good news is, I can have yard sales forever...if I "coup de gras", that is...

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bert
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 04:26 PM

Genie, I always thought that "coup de grace" was French for Lawnmower ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 03:32 PM

Momentos are sub-anemic particles which endow mass, collectively, with momentum, isn't they? You get too many of them in one place the effect is to generate more of them, and you a vicious circus indeed! LOL!!

These are too rich.


A

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 02:05 PM

When we were kids, my sister and I used to have fun mixing words and syllables from roadside signs and billboards. In my hometown, there was a small doughnut chain (now defunct) called "Freddie's Doughnuts." Their sign was my all-time favorite mixer-upper. We'd mix up the words, get to giggling and couldn't stop. "Deddie's Froughnuts", "Froughnies Deddnuts", and "Doughnies Freddnuts." By the way, are these what y'all are calling spoonerisms?

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bentley
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 01:46 PM

Took a young lady (aged about 6) to the local hospital.Mum was with her of course.She said she was going to have her sisters removed.She meant cysts.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: C-flat
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 01:29 PM

"It's a vicious circus" was one I heard recently.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 01:21 PM

My mother in law said recently that she thought most of the pills doctors prescribe were only 'gazebos'!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,KingBrilliant
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 06:39 AM

Did I mention that, being an independent sort, my mum claims she prefers to "cuddle my own poo" (paddle my own canoe).

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 03:27 AM

I don't know if this counts as a malapropism or just a mispronunciation, and it concerns a non-English phrase. But I hear it quite frequently (apparently from people with just enough knowledge of French pronunciation to end up with some funny mispronunciations. The phrase is "coup de grace," which should be pronounced "coo de grahss"-- meaning, of course, "blow of grace." The common mispronunciation is "coo de grah," -- which is the way a Frenchman would pronounce "coup de gras" (meaning a "blow of fat").

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Aug 02 - 08:56 PM

yup! especially the spicy kind!(umm...perhaps it needs to be on a hot dog first?)......never mind

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 25 Aug 02 - 08:49 PM

A fellow this afternoon uttered one of my favorites, which I had forgotten about: he said something about not being sure he could "pass mustard." (And we all know how painful THAT can be!)

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 25 Aug 02 - 12:30 AM

My neighbor this evening told me that she finds lots of stuff against my back fence (mostly blown there by the wind), including "condominiums." A few minutes later she said, "Oh, wait. I meant to say 'condoms'."

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 02 - 06:09 PM

ohh..one of my ...ummm...'favorites', which I heard again recently on the local Public Radio station, involves people going about wrecking havoc.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 23 Aug 02 - 09:35 PM

LOL, Fred!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 23 Aug 02 - 08:45 PM

Genie I'd heard of the statue of limitations but thought it represented new immigration restrictions.

Same friend who says "tenants" writes "hardwear" as if he needed a suit of armor. You can buy Duck-tape, a brand of duct-tape, maybe have it at the hardwear store, fix your visor.

Then there was a woman who was considering a tubal litigation, but instead her husband got spaded. ouch.

I told my sister-in-law about a man I know who hates to go out, doesn't like to leave the house and she said he must be homophobic.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 23 Aug 02 - 08:39 PM

one of my customer runs a sub sandwich shop, mentioned how he needed to re model his cafe but it would take a long time to 'recuperate' his costs. I can relate to that.

one of my friends always referred to an 'optional illusion' (funny thing was I used that phrase and someone corrected me - saying you must mean optical. Ptr

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: NH Dave
Date: 23 Aug 02 - 12:35 PM

Richard Lederer, the English Teacher/Author/Humorist, gets good mileage out of the recitation about Rindercella and the Pransome Hince, where Rindercella slops her dripper but all comes out well in the end.
Another Bluegrass acquaintance of mine sings "Crazy" with a childish lisp, so it comes out as "Cwasy".
Dave

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 23 Aug 02 - 12:18 PM

i sometimes see the tv prog. 'countdown' on ch.4

i'm sure some of the contestants are asking carol for 'continents' & 'bowels'!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 22 Aug 02 - 09:11 AM

fen,

neither of your examples are malapropisms. the first's a spoonerism.

anyone know the term for the other one- 9(i don't think it's a mondegreen)

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: fenman
Date: 22 Aug 02 - 07:35 AM

malapropisms.......probably one of the most public by a bbc comentator at the royal tournament going extatic over "the wonderful musical ride by the royal arse whoretillery" probably only second to the slip by another bbc comentator at a Headingly??? test match....."...and the bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"......Why do we always walk such waddle ????

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 11:41 PM

We used to have a talk show host here in Portland, OR, named Sheila Hamilton.  I loved her show, partly because she came up almost daily with marvelous malapropisms and neologisms.
Once she said that giving one's spouse some freedom to spend time with friends of the opposite sex might  - "...raise the spectrum of suspicion... ."
In discussing the terrorist attacks on 9-11-01, she observed that the World Trade Center "is really the hubbub of world activity ... ."
In another discussion, she mentioned several kinds of interest groups and then distanced herself from each by saying such things as "...feminists, of which I'm not a group...,"  "...Libertarians, of which I'm not a group...," and a few other organizations  "...of which I'm not a group."

Then on 9/15/01, a commentator on CNN discussing World Trade Center disaster said that  "the tension down there in the street was palatable.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 11:11 PM

Really funny, Robbyanne!

Lots of people talk about having their cats and dogs "spaded."   These may be the same folks who fix things with "duck tape."

A very common malapropism is to say that two things "don't jive with each other."  (It should be they "don't jibe.")

I had a nursing supervisor once who continually said he was "flustrated" about things but there were "litigating circumstances."

My mom knew a woman who, in her letters, would often complain about her "Arthur Ritus."

And, Bill D., you're right about the common "momento" malapropism.

Well, Ranger Steve, maybe "erotic driving" is against the "blue laws" of some states!

I never cease to be amazed at the lawyers, judges, and politicians who keep referring to the "statue of limitations" on certain crimes.

Then there's Marcia (sp?) Clark, of OJ trial fame, who serveral times accused either OJ or his attorneys of trying to "flaunt the law."

Fred M, along the lines of "tenants of the Constitution,"  I often hear folks who ought to know better refer to the "pundants" [instead of "pundits"] who spout their views on TV and radio.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Hille
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 07:06 PM

At a casual and relaxed (or so I hoped) lunch-party for one Ambassador and several Brit Embassy staff I announced to all that there was "Crapple Umble" for afters.

And recently trying to remember that local musician who plays with John Otway, the closest I could get was "Ayatolla the Stick Breaker"

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 11:27 AM

My aunt habitually is offended by things she thinks she hears--in an Elton John song called there's a line --Feel their gentle touch--she hears as Feel their genitals. The things they say on the radio!

I've heard of prostrate cancer but I thought you'd be okay if you didn't lie down.

A sales manager I knew used to make double entendres so often, I can't remember them all, except the day he told Susan he wanted to use her on the floor. Susan told me she had been a Literal Arts major. I hope to someday achieve a triple entendre, maybe with a half twist.

Garrison Keilor once did a bit about how men don't know the word depilatory, hair removal. A friend of mine didn't know it, but had heard of electrolysis, and with that in mind, asked his wife if she knew it. She said she thought it was that thing they do rectally, which seemed to him a drastic, rather indirect way to go about removing unwanted hair with electricity. She was thinking of suppository. We used to have to do those suppository writing assignments for English class.

Another friend says tenant for tenet, as in, the basic tenants of the constitution.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 21 Aug 02 - 10:38 AM

my good friend Anne was telling me about her youngest son's latest gaffe.

the bits of bread she'd put out on the bird table had been disappearing rapidly over the past few days.

she told me Chris had said 'mum, the pine cones have been eating all the bread!'

in astonished she asked what he meant- turned out he meant 'magpies'. i lol!

he asks 'well, what are pine cones?'

anne says 'they're the little round things you paint silver & gold at xmas to put on the xmas tree

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: RangerSteve
Date: 20 Jul 02 - 04:40 PM

I heard on a police radio, an officer informing his headquarters that he was pulling a woman over for erotic driving.

A friend's employee told him about a trip to the Vatican, where he saw the sixteenth chapel.

There are also an endless number of senior citizens who have prostrate cancer. I guess that means the cancer is just lying there.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: fat B****rd
Date: 20 Jul 02 - 11:54 AM

Don't forget G. Dubbya's "nucular" weapons. Not to mention "Angular" television featuring "Rhinostroses" and "Sustificates"

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Ballyholme
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 01:29 PM

Oh, yes, and with my mother a condo becomes a "condom".

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 01:17 PM

And 'pronounciation'!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 12:13 PM

these are funny, but there are WAY too many people out there saying that they have saved some 'momentos'.

I worry about what all this indicates about how some people hear & listen & process language.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: DMcG
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 10:44 AM

When we were in Wales a few years back, my wife wanted to go and see the oracle racing. (coracle)

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 10:38 AM

when i was at college, a fellow student told me he'd received an 'accolloid' for his last piece of work.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Ballyholme
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 09:14 AM

When my mother visits from Ireland she often complained of having "jet leg". It doesn't stop there - artificial fur coats become "stimulated fur".

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Oakley
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 08:19 AM

I also had the pleasure of working for a guy, whose linguistic prowess was legendary. Of particulat merit were the "neurotic dancers" he once saw in a London club.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 06:46 AM

One of my nephews was identifying plants in the garden during a family get together, and identified some as "Quims"

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Oakley
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 06:19 AM

Whilst engaged in Neighbourhood Watch duties, I was approached by a very sweet old lady who went into lurid and frankly, unnecessary detail about some dirty bastard who used her handrail as a straining bar, whilst depositing an offensive pile of foetus on her front step.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: pavane
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 04:42 AM

I seem to remember that there are some malapropisms in one of the Buonaparte songs - but I can't remember which one. Possibly 'Grand conversation on Napoleon'

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: fogie
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 04:31 AM

My daughter couldnt say yogourt, and always asked for logic- best I could come up with.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: JustWondering
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 03:53 AM

Where I live, the locals dont have a cough, but trouble with their larnyx. To soothe it, they take Bambagillia (Balm of Gilliad)

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 03:14 AM

a friends little boy was telling us about his birthday treat.

he'd been taken out for a meal in a 'chinese restroom!'

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 02:58 AM

hahaha 'emancipated', indeed!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 18 Jul 02 - 01:01 AM

Nah, Bill D, they were too emancipated.

I just remebered a friend of mine who was in a Greek restaurant and ordered spina bifida.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 10:21 PM

bet them 'gadivers' weren't doing 'bumps & grinds'!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 08:56 PM

I once worked in a basement office in a medical school, down the hall from the "gadivers", as my manager put it.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 08:08 PM

My boss, at a staff meeting, said, I was hoping one of you would take the ball and roll with it.

Conceding the difficulties of one of the departments, the same woman said, This year they've had their share of bumps and grinds.

The amazing part to me is that no one reacted to these statements. I about choked.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Yorkshire Tony
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 07:48 PM

A new executive assistant when typing up a rather technical piece on economics for me came up with errogenous and endogamous variables

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 07:02 PM

Some that I have encountered in editing:

a structural system that may vibrate perceptively [Quivering with anticipation?]

derived following the precincts of Leach

using a maligned telescope

Much of this work was in calibration with Roy. [We may hope that it measured up to his standard.]

the hearth of the problem

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Nancy King
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 06:18 PM

A woman I used to work with said her elderly Italian father, when agitated, would exclaim, "Summon a bitch!"

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bardford
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 06:11 PM

I know a gal who describes very thin people as 'emancipated'. She also takes lossinjers for a cough.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 05:52 PM

my cousin kept his milk and juice in the 'batemfritter'!

and I once worked with a guy who stepped on a nail, and worried all day the he might have to get one of those 'tentative shots'

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Sooz
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 03:44 PM

My mother-in-law has a hunchback car and semi-skilled milk, plays viveo tapes and sometimes it seems like every other word is mangled - so much so that we've stopped logging them. In our house we still eat frickled injuns because my neice couldn't manage to say pickled onions when she first began to talk about 37 years ago. We just prefer the alternative version - so long as they are the extra strong variety!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Desdemona at work
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 01:40 PM

From Psalm #23: "Shirley, good Mrs. Murphy, will follow me all the days of my life...."!

The Rolling Stones: "You Can't Always Get a Chihuahua"

My mother's neighbour has a fondness for "sympathy music"....

I could go on & on!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 12:58 PM

Good one, Robin! Is this easier to read? (And I may have butchered it- but I tried!)

With One Swell Foop". RobbyAnne

Have you ever had a time when it happened to you,
You'd be talking along, and then out of the blue,
You'd begin to hear the words that you just said.
Well the words you've been saying
Are nothing but mush,
The realization comes in a terrible rush,
And your self esteem is hanging by a thread.

(Refrain)

Well, I done there, been that, many a time
With one swell foop, I butchered my line.
A miscalculation, a tip of the slung, Man oh man, is my hoose gung!
People grin and start to smirk, I feel just like a jupid sterk.
Ignore me, please, and bet me lee, Just let me die dith wignity.
Well, if you get your tang tungled,
Just poll with the runches, and don't you tet upgight.

I was giving advice to a lovesick friend,
Everything was fine, 'til I got to the end
Of a lecture filled with wisdom, quips and hints.
I was finishing off, my point to press,
When out of my lips there dribbled this mess:
"You've gotta fiss a lot of krogs, Before you pind your frince!"

(REFRAIN) Well I done there......

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 12:47 PM

A somewhat negative person was telling me how her daughter's shoulder injury was coming along and said mournfully, And now she has THIRAPPY. I nodded my head encouragingly while wondering just what kind of further ailment her daughter could have developed, when it hit me.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 12:27 PM

I once introduced the anthem that was about to be sung at a wedding as 'Garlic Dressing' instead of 'Gaelic Blessing', our choir master was not impressed!

cat

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Jeanie
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 07:46 AM

"Good constanoon aftable. What - me ? Under the affluence of incahol ??"

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 07:23 AM

apologies folks, my last post is really a spoonerism.

but to continue,

"His best was when he told me that my friend Pam was pussy in his hands. She should be so lucky!!!!!"

obviously his freudian slip was showing!

during a break in a session, we got to talking about pets.

i said 'dogs love cat food, but cogs.......?'

someone piped up 'cogs don't like dat food!'

then another interjected with 'dey only like dis food!'

the room then ROTFLTAO!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 05:23 AM

a friend in the police told me when he was in court one day, a colleague was reading aloud from his notebook that the accused's car was 'clearly expeeding the seed limit!'

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 05:18 AM

Hammerite reckoned that, since Mark & his mate seemed to reach the same conclusions at the same time, that they must have a psychopathic link.

Despite having that one explained - she made the same mistake again several weeks later. A friend at canoe club said that the teachers at her school thought she was psychopathic - to which Hamm innocently replied :"Go on then - what am I thinking?".

Mark is the architect of a huge number of malaprops - its just the way his dyslexic brain works. I'm so imune to them now that they don't particularly register anymore. His best was when he told me that my friend Pam was pussy in his hands. She should be so lucky!!!!!

He also, many years ago, went to see "Ackerbilk III" at the cinema (of course everyone else was watching Apocolypse Now.....)

KRis

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Trevor
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 05:12 AM

I was delivering a boat for somebody one time and we were in Fishguard (South West Wales). That afternoon we'd seen the Prescelly Hills in the distance. We were sitting in a pub full of lorry drivers waiting for the ferry to Ireland and the girl that I was sailing with said 'Didn't the Pessaries look lovely today...'

Newspapers rattled, ash fell of the end of all the fags, and I almost exploded laughing.

Also, I remember my brother saying, for years, when reciting The Lord's Prayer '...and deliver us from eagles..'

Subject: Lyr Add: WITH ONE SWELL FOOP (Robin --?--)
From: Robbyanne
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 04:44 AM

The guest named Open Mike asked if anyone had heard of spoonerisms - I love 'em! They quite often slip out of my mouth, and being a songwriter, it's always good fodder for a song idea. Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote and recorded a few years back. It's called "WITH ONE SWELL FOOP".
Love, Robin

1. Have you ever had a time when it happened to you,
You'd be talking along, and then out of the blue,
You'd begin to hear the words that you just said.
Well the words you've been saying are nothing but mush,
The realization comes in a terrible rush,
And your self esteem is hanging by a thread.

CHORUS: Well, I done there, been that, many a time
With one swell foop, I butchered my line.
A miscalulation, a tip of the slung,
Man oh man, is my hoose gung!
People grin and start to smirk,
I feel just like a jupid sterk.
Ignore me, please, and bet me lee,
Just let me die dith wignity.
Well, if you get your tang tungled,
Just poll with the runches, and don't you tet upgight.

2. I was giving advice to a lovesick friend,
Everything was fine, 'til I got to the end
Of a lecture filled with wisdom, quips and hints.
I was finishing off, my point to press,
When out of my lips there dribbled this mess:
"You've gotta fiss a lot of krogs, before you pind your frince!" CHORUS

3. Over the years, I've pulled some beauts,
Like telling my husband to leave on his boots,
"Cause I didn't like to smell his finky steet.
Or the time I got pulled over, and I was aghast
I said; "Occifer, was I driving foo tast?"
He just smiled and said I'd made his day complete. CHORUS

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 04:22 AM

While out for dinner with the family in an Indian Restaurant my Grandms asked the waiter for a couple of 'pomperdoms'. My brother in an argument with my mother said that he was 'only fuman' (Human).

cat

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Jeanie
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 04:05 AM

Best of all is hearing malapropisms to do with health, when you *have* to keep a straight face - which of course makes it all the more difficult to achieve.

My favourite is the girl telling me, in hushed tones, about the trouble her uncle was having with his digestive system: "He's having a test today to see how strong his stomach is. They're giving him one of those Bavarian meals."

Dumpling soup, bockwurst and sauerkraut sounds like a pretty thorough test to me !

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,open mike
Date: 17 Jul 02 - 02:52 AM

I have a friend who refers to well-endowed females as volumptuous...and one of my favorite numbers is eleventy seven....and my least favorite time to get up is zero dark thirty....my children both had a difficult time with the word zipper, so chose their ownb pronunciation (pronounciations) one said yippser, the other, zwipper. and they called bananas "Neenums". Have you heard of Spoonerisms?

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: The Pooka
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 10:40 PM

HAHAHA...Guest F.****B., one time I became rather Dublious , m'self, in Dublin...of course that was long ago, ahem...Speaking of ancient history, in 1969 it was reported that New York City Democratic mayoral candidate Mario Proccacino, advised by an aide that his speeches were too "corny", replied: "Corn is in the Ear of the Beholder." To combat his racist reputation, he is said to have told a Harlem audience, "My heart is as black as yours."

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 08:20 PM

C-flat
canine pepper? must be hot dogs!!!

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 08:14 PM

my brother in law was working at chester zoo, cutting & trimming some trees.

during the morning tea break, a zoo staff asked if him & his colleagues could trim the larch tree near her office window.

at afternoon break, she came to them agin to ask when they would do the larch tree.

joe said 'oh we've already cut down that large tree!'

this workmate,joe was well known for other gaffes such as referring to a large road excavation as 'the captivity in the road!' and putting waste in the appropriate 'reptacle'

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 06:27 PM

katlaughing calls her PC a 'pewter'

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 06:25 PM

one of my kids at school asked me if he should put a virgin on every page!(he meant margin)

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,cookieless in DC
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 06:05 PM

One of our local folk community has uttered a number of really good ones, such as the time she said one of our friends had given up smoking because "he didn't want to be a social piranha", or the time another friend's child had to have surgery "to have his androids removed"...

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: GUEST,Fat b****rd
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 05:30 PM

An old workmate of mine refeered to "flourishing" light fittings and was sometimes "Dublious" about things.

Subject: RE: BS: malapropisms
From: C-flat
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 05:11 PM

A lady I know uses "canine" pepper when she's cooking!

Subject: malapropisms
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Jul 02 - 04:04 PM

many years ago, an old auntie took me & my sister out to her garden to show off her 'lovely peonises' to us.

she described them with pride saying something like 'my peonises are so big this year, and such shapes and colours!'

i also recall my mother telling me of her friend who'd bought new curtains, and her husband had made 'a pelvis' to go round the top of them.

then there's 'the paranoid camera'

any more?