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The reproductive capacity of bodhrans

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Mr Happy 29 Nov 02 - 12:49 PM
gnu 29 Nov 02 - 04:34 PM
rock chick 30 Nov 02 - 07:12 PM
Dipsodeb 30 Nov 02 - 07:30 PM
Sorcha 30 Nov 02 - 07:58 PM
GUEST,Basil Brush 02 Dec 02 - 11:03 AM
GUEST,JennyO 02 Dec 02 - 01:23 PM
katlaughing 02 Dec 02 - 02:03 PM
GUEST,William J. Wolfe 02 Dec 02 - 05:49 PM
Morticia 02 Dec 02 - 07:05 PM
So'sYourMom 02 Dec 02 - 11:57 PM
GUEST,Paddy Tunney 03 Dec 02 - 07:04 AM
GUEST,Guest 03 Dec 02 - 01:49 PM
GUEST 04 Dec 02 - 07:22 AM
GUEST,Ronnie Drew 04 Dec 02 - 07:46 AM
Boab 05 Dec 02 - 03:35 AM
Gurney 05 Dec 02 - 04:51 AM
GUEST,Claire and Sharon in Arizona 05 Dec 02 - 01:24 PM
GUEST,derrymacash 06 Dec 02 - 04:02 AM
GUEST,The Bucks 06 Dec 02 - 08:55 AM
GUEST,Davetnova 06 Dec 02 - 06:15 PM
artbrooks 06 Dec 02 - 06:47 PM
GUEST,Bill 07 Dec 02 - 06:08 AM
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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: Mr Happy
Date: 29 Nov 02 - 12:49 PM

or even better-razorwire!


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: gnu
Date: 29 Nov 02 - 04:34 PM

I had one give birth right on the fireplace mantle. Chip off the old block - has the exact same family crest on it ! But it must be a punker, what with all them steel piercings around it's middle. Now, the synthetic one that followed me home from a music shop has yet to spawn... perhaps it's sterile, like them cloned sheep.


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: rock chick
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 07:12 PM

There's naught as queer as Folk and naught as grand a music, put both together and you have the start of something exceptional for everyone, well almost, but you will always find the odd one or two who complain, occasional about something, like the Bodhran or Banjos, unfortunately these are normally fellow musicians! These we can do without, folk music is a mix of all types of music. In fact Bodhran comes from the word thunder because of the soound it makes, of course, it's only now that we use the beater and the other hand to dampen the sound and to get the very differnt ranges of sounds, thank yourselves lucky we don't bang it like thunder, there again Derrymacash you may find yourself surround by a very unhappy family of Bodhran who I have been informed have been very hurt by your comments! BEWARE ;o/

rc


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: Dipsodeb
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 07:30 PM

ooopps Derry, ye might have offended the Bodrhan Goddess, who watches over the births and developement of all Bodrhans. She is a vengeful deity and has a particular penchant for interminable diddlys, who have aged beyond their years and have got amnesia and forgotten that music is for all to participate in and that Bodrhan nurserys are an essential part of development.
Dipso


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: Sorcha
Date: 30 Nov 02 - 07:58 PM

I really think it must be the tippers; Mr has three, and has gone through three bodhrans..............LOL, this is too funny. But, I have to say in defense of bodhrans, I really do love a good one.


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,Basil Brush
Date: 02 Dec 02 - 11:03 AM

the best form of bodhran revolution is if they just rolled off a cliff.
BOOM BOOM.


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,JennyO
Date: 02 Dec 02 - 01:23 PM

I've only got one bodhran, in my case it's the tippers that are multiplying, and as they do, they are mutating into strange colours and shapes, such as the green brush, and one made with a bunch of skewers held together with rubber O rings which slide up and down. Will this lead to a new sub-species of bodhran?


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Dec 02 - 02:03 PM

...bunch of skewers held together with rubber O rings which slide up and down. Will this lead to a new sub-species of bodhran?

Yes, Jenny! by the sounds of it, the new sub-species will be into a little S&M!**bg**


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,William J. Wolfe
Date: 02 Dec 02 - 05:49 PM

*What have bodhrans ever done for us,
* apart from the headaches, the bad rhythm,
* the loud noise ...

In Camelot, the great King john was reputed to have said:

"Ask not what the bodhran has done for you, ask only what is to be done about the bodhran"


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: Morticia
Date: 02 Dec 02 - 07:05 PM

Well, I did have a celibate bodrhan( nasty business with a very uncouth beater,she doesn't like to talk about it but suffice to say there were tears before bedtime)....but when in Dublin last week a little orphan bodrhan followed me home....it's little upturned face looking so guileless and sad, what could I do?

So although I now appear to have a mummy and a baby bodrhan, no gestation was involved.....oooh, so near to Christmas too.....you don't suppose.....?


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: So'sYourMom
Date: 02 Dec 02 - 11:57 PM

It's entirely loonitick ye's all are, then. Love it, Especially the songs!

BUT (an' ye want a true treat), use the "Translate This Page" button at the bottom of the thread and read it in (whatever). French is especially hazardous to the back muscles!

In-(censored)-credible!

(Whoops! Time for me meds again!)


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,Paddy Tunney
Date: 03 Dec 02 - 07:04 AM

The oul' bodhran's gettin' some quare stick! Here's a wee attempt to redress the balance.

Bit o' whisht, there!

And while I'm at it, could some craytur get me a bottle and half-un? My oul' gaper's that dry you'd think I'd been lickin' Right Guard!

Good luck to all here, now, barrin' thon goat
Who's still proudly wearin' his oul' shaggy coat
We'll soon put the bleatin' clane out o' his head
We'll skin him and tan him the instant he's dead
We'll cure his oul' hide and we'll gaily tattoo
And all round the rim we'll scratch seán nós abú
Such drummin' you'll never yet hear nor yet see
As we'll raise from the goats around Tandragee

So here's to the goats that are smelly and rank
Their oul' matted beards are all crusty and lank
But their hides add great value to diddle-ee-dee
Those hairy buck-goats around Tanderagee

You've heard of the famed Cozy Powell I'm sure
And oul' Buddy Rich is a rhythmical hoor
But give an oul' bodhran to one of thon two
And the buggers would not know a damn what to do
They'd houl the oul' b'ater like it was a club
And leather away, they would pound and they'd drub
But the noise that would issue would grieve your poor ears
And cause the trad player to weep bitter tears

So here's to the goats that are smelly and rank
Their oul' matted beards are all crusty and lank
But their hides add great value to diddle-ee-dee
Those hairy buck-goats around Tanderagee

Ringo McDonagh can hit 'er a welt
And Gino Lupari can give a quare belt
(They say when he dies that they'll cure his big tum
And cover the frame of an oul' Lambeg drum!)
Christy can patter and Kathy can rowl
And vary the tone when they give 'er a boul
Oul' Malachy's drums are an grá geal mo chroí
When sporting fine hides from roun' Tandragee

So here's to the goats that are smelly and rank
Their oul' matted beards are all crusty and lank
But their hides add great value to diddle-ee-dee
Those hairy buck-goats around Tanderagee

So not to detain you I'll end my oul' song
The oul' bodhran's been slagged and I think that it's wrong
This percussive oul' instrument's got a bad name
That attaches to hide and to tipper and frame
In the wrong hands, it's the devil's own curse
Like the bongo, the djembe, or instruments worse
But played with great feeling, it fills you with glee
And no more gleeful hide than from Tandragee

So here's to the goats that are smelly and rank
Their oul' matted beards are all crusty and lank
But their hides add great value to diddle-ee-dee
Those hairy buck-goats around Tanderagee


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 03 Dec 02 - 01:49 PM

Having exhausted every conceivable angle for bodhran bashing, perhaps the erudite minds of this board could be persuaded to satire fiddle gunslingers.

"Whal, Tex, ahm the faistest player in these hyar parts."

"Shee-hoot, Clem, I kin turn out the lights in a room and play 6 o' them fiddle reels afore the room gits dark."

"Thar may be 36 other players in this circle, Tex, but ahm a callin' you out. Let's rip on them fiddle-only reels - and the first one tuh finish wins."

[Indistinguishable, unmelodic cuisinart of notes follows]


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Dec 02 - 07:22 AM

Exhausted!?

Jesus! We haven't even scratched the surface!


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,Ronnie Drew
Date: 04 Dec 02 - 07:46 AM

If I might just get another wee one in here?

Oh Father dear I often hear you speak of Erin's Isle
Her lofty scenes and valleys green, her music fierce and wild
They say it is a lovely land for musicianers to dwell
But why did you abandon it? The reason to me tell

Oh son I loved my native home with energy and pride
I played a session Sundays with John Hoy and Tom McBride
I'd play the Stack of Barley and I'd sing the Braes of Screen
But there's a cruel reason why I left oul' Skibbereen

It's well I do remember that fateful winter's day
When an amadán on his bodhrán proceeded for to play
He hadn't got a feature that ever would redeem
And that's the cruel reason why I left oul' Skibbereen

Your mother too God rest her soul was handy on the box
She'd play oul' Kitt'y's Rambles and The Flower of the Flock
But the way thon buck-o put her off, It nearly made me scream
And that's the cruel reason why I left oul' Skibbereen

And insult adds to injury, he produced a shaky egg
To have him shove it up his hole I was nearly forced to beg
Says I the hen that laid thon egg, it never should have been
And that's the cruel reason why I left oul' Skibbereen

Then bongos and djembes and a bloody big Lambeg!
Says I, you're taking liberties, you're pulling my oul' leg
Bones and spoons and cowbells then – it seemed like a bad dream
And that's the cruel reason why I left oul' Skibbereen

I couldn't take it any more and from that day to this
I gave each session a wide berth, each sing-song I would miss
My fiddle hangs above the fire – no jigs, no slides, no reels
And that's the cruel reason why I left oul' Skibbereen

Ah father dear the time will come when on vengeance we will call
And musicmen from North and South will rally unto the call
We'll shove their drums and beaters where the daylight's never been
And loud and high we'll raise the cry Revenge For Skibbereen


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: Boab
Date: 05 Dec 02 - 03:35 AM

All youse bodhran thumpers an' bashers stand aside---this is for those who PLAY. I listened--live--- to three [bonnie] lassies giving a house concert the other night, and was enthralled by their acapella version of "Deeper Well". I say "acapella", but stretch the truth a little, for yon wee dark-haired damsel Ruth Moodie , of The Wailin' Jennies[they have a website] carried it along on one of the finest 14" bodhrans I've ever heard or clapped eyes on. And couldn't she just make it talk! If Ruth's bodhran ever has any offspring, I've reserved the first of the litter! An Eckermann drum [Austria], with a very ingenious tuning system. There's a web site there too----


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: Gurney
Date: 05 Dec 02 - 04:51 AM

Those things don't breed, Chippies make them. Too often.

How could they possibly breed? They have a diaphragn NAILED on.


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,Claire and Sharon in Arizona
Date: 05 Dec 02 - 01:24 PM

Not quite on the topic of bodhran reproduction, but .....here's our
contribution. Although Claire wasn't ever a "wild" beater, we thought it would make a good story and may incorporate it into our gigs. She did buy her new drum, a Brendan White that she loves, from Eoin O'Neill at Custy's after only 8 hours on the Isle.


I've been a wild beater for many's the year
and I spent all my money on bodhrans and beer
From Ireland returned with drum in great store
Swore I never will be a wild beater no more.

    And it's no nay never....no nay never no more,
    will I beat on the bodhran, no never no more
      

I went into Custy's, where I'd like to frequent
I told Eoin O'Neill that my money was spent
I asked for a bodhran, he answered me nay
Your kind of custom, I can get every day

    And it's no nay never....no nay never no more,
    will I beat on the bodhran, no never no more
      
I pulled from my pocket, 10 soveriegns bright
and Mr O'Neills eyes lit up with delight
He said I've got tippers and drums of the best
Those words that I spoke were only in jest
         
    And it's no nay never....no nay never no more,
    will I beat on the bodhran, no never no more

I'll go back to my band, confess what I've done,
and ask them to pardon their prodigal daughter
And when they harass me as oft times before
I never will be a wild beater no more.


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,derrymacash
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 04:02 AM

Ye girls, ye!

Keep 'er lit!


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,The Bucks
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 08:55 AM

I am a pure-bred billy goat, I'd never deny who I am
I was fed on good grass and the sweetest of oats in fields near the River Bann
But glory, me boys, does await me, when I shuffle off my oul' coil
To send out a beat to good music so sweet, The Blackbird, The Oul' Plains of Boyle
Hooray me boys hooray, just rip the oul' skin off my bones
And the sun it will shine in the harvest time, when I am a bodhran drum

The life of a billy-goat's pleasant, when reared on good thistles and sward
The odd little sniff at a nanny, no billy could ever be bored
But when the grim reaper he beckons, we follow with no looking back
For the love of good music we martyrs will die for the ceol agus craic
Hooray me boys hooray, just rip the oul' skin off my bones
And the sun it will shine in the harvest time, when I am a bodhran drum

The oul' farmer's face it was haggard, he looked me right straight in the eye
Says he, me boul' bill it's me duty to kill and yours not to question but die
Says I me boul' farmer don't worry, I'm ready to meet my sad fate
A hullabaloo and a jolly tattoo on my hide soon the drummers will bate
Hooray me boys hooray, just rip the oul' skin off my bones
And the sun it will shine in the harvest time, when I am a bodhran drum

The human folk talk of St Peter, who'll meet them at Heaven's Pearl Gates
But billy goats talk of the beater and dream of our hides getting' bate
To tunes like The Kid On The Mountain, The Kesh and the Oranmore Bucks
In death we're more useful than living; for dying we don't give an ex-bleat-ive deleted
Hooray me boys hooray, just rip the oul' skin off my bones
And the sun it will shine in the harvest time, when I am a bodhran drum


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,Davetnova
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 06:15 PM

Introducing the niave young things to oral sex can work wonders. Once a bohdran discovers the pleasures to be had when fully inserted into their players mouth, they lose all interest in purely reproductive pursuits.


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 06:47 PM

Well, I always thought Claire was a pretty wild beater...and ya can't beat that lady's clogging!! You don't even need a drum when she's dancing!!!


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Subject: RE: The reproductive capacity of bodhrans
From: GUEST,Bill
Date: 07 Dec 02 - 06:08 AM

I have had two for some years and they don't appear to breed but then they are on the wall in the spare bedroom and stopping there.
Bill (the sound)


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