BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 01:27 AM

My God...LOL! I love it. Here I am back from Monday night song circle and the usual check on Ebay (for model airplanes, Nixon masks, and women's underwear), and the MOAB appears to be relocating to Twillingsgate...sort of.

GUEST, it is actually I who have abandoned the females...although I have been sorely tempted lately, I can tell you! There was this gorgeous woman I was talking to in Barrie the other day....sheesh! I don't know how long I can hold out.

I had a blowup doll of Maggie Thatcher some years ago, hanging from the ceiling like a Zeppelin, but it exploded catastrophically one day, causing the budgie to die of heart failure. You just can't get quality workmanship anymore. I am attempting to secure one of Hillary Clinton, but with no success so far.

Khandu - I have scored a Nixon mask (slightly used) and a set of women's underwear in black lace. Pretty neat! Will these do? The monkey balls have proven impractical...Mr Chongo will not surrender his on any condition. As for the live pig, I think you can easily find one of those in your area.

And now...good night! I've stayed up way too late already.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 12:56 AM

I have come to the conclusion that Penelope Rutledge is actually Little Hawk. I believe this to be truer than the day Penelope was born some 197 years ago. Furthermore I conclude that Little Hawk, being abandoned by the female spiecies, and he having little or no contact with women, decided to create the perfect woman for himself, therefore creating Penelope.

Little Hawk probably has a blow up doll in the corner of his bedroom right now named Penelope Rutledge.

If I an incorrect about this assumption in anyway, and I don't think I am , I will remove myself from my post as chief inspector and detective.

Yours very truely,
Sherlock Holmes

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 12:47 AM

Screw all thet Twillingsgate stuff! Ar King is in a world ov shit!

Aw-ight, King khandu. Me 'n th' resta th' boys down 'ere in Bubbaland kin come t' yore reskew. Jus' tell us whut t' dew. Dew ya need us t' bus' yew outta jail er sumfin'? We got sum four-wheel-drive trucks down 'ere thet kin snatch Abe Lincoln's face offa Mount Rushmore. Shorely they kin pull down a jailhouse door 'er mebbe a wall er two. An' if ya need a place t' hide out ferm them mo-rality poh-leece we gotta ole huntin' camp over in Callaway Swamp ain't nobody knows 'bout. The sumbitches won' never find yore ass.

Sinseerly,

Yore Poet Lariat an' Knower of Thangs an' Fupped Duck Idjit,

Bubba-dubya-ell

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 12:44 AM

Winston, have you utterly lost your mind? He will annihilate you!!! I suggest you come to your senses and go for a LONG trip to India or some other former colony and forget about this ill-advised attempt to defend your raging ego.

Think about India, Winston. All the polo you can play, all the whisky you can drink, and millions of common, non-English, foreign and impecunious people for you to gaze upon in lofty disdain. Crowded streets through which you can recklessly drive at breakneck speed.   Legions of naive foreign women whom you can chat up and seduce. Former sites of glorious British victories that you can visit and trample upon. Sacred objects that you can carve your initials in when no one is looking. Priceless museum items that you can pinch and send home to friends in England.

Think about it seriously. I do not wish to see you carried home in a battered heap and I think it ridiculous that you insist upon insulting every man I show the slightest interest in. You overestimate both your jurisdiction and your reach.

Take my advice and leave now. I know you have friends abroad, and if you don't, well then, I do. Monaco is nice too, and I know you would enjoy the gambling. You could probably meet the Prince and Princess too. For heaven's sake, get a grip, buy a ticket and be done with this nonsense!

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 12:09 AM

Khandu, I sincerely hope that you are locked up for a good long while by the morality police in Mississippi or whatever wretched backwater it is that you live in. You are an embarrassment. You give new meaning to the old phrase "the Idiot King".

Captain West - I think you are probably right...there are such venues here and there in Great Britain if one works at it. However, I do not wish to kill you outright (though it's certainly a tempting thought). No, I wish to simply humiliate you publicly before your peers and mine, and watch you crawl away alive but forever humbled, like a deflated windbag which is what you really are.

Clear?

WW-J

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:23 PM

Entrapment!!! That's what it was! Entrapment!!
I was set up by the morality police & fell into the trap!
It was all a ruse! The "private citizen" who wanted an exorcism on Penelope was an undercover cop! They have been after me since I became King!

I have been set up & someone from Mudcat aided & abeted in the set up!!

Now is the time for all good MOABites to come to the aid of the King!!

Kk

PS I would still enjoy receiving the Nixon mask & the undergarments!!

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Captain West
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:01 PM

And so, sir, you would allow bureaucrats to dictate your honour?

Were the choice mine, and I will remind you that by some Codes Duello it is, I would scorn the use of firearms and engage you with the small sword, the weapon of gentlemen. Of course, since it is the weapon of the gentleman I am certain that is why you scorn it.

And there are certain venues, even in Britain, where such a contest might be waged.

I will, if you wish, undertake to thrash you within an inch of your life. But I must, in all fairness, warn you that I have trained with both Captain Fairbairn and Captain Sykes and thus I cannot be responsible for what may happen to you if we engage mano a mano.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 05:39 PM

If it were not for the nanny-like interference of certain blathering bureaucrats in high places, I should suggest dueling pistols, West. Alas, it is illegal now to duel to the death in the U.K. This is certainly to your great good fortune, sir!

Therefore, what I do suggest is boxing gloves and a 12-round match, Marquis of Queensbury rules, sometime in early January after the festive season is over. I will be happy to provide the boxing ring, the equipment, and a trained referee, and may the best man win.

If I were you, I should start training at once, and lay off the figgy duff. It's bad for the wind.

You may have your seconds contact mine any night after 7:00 at the Vicar's Inn in Twilligsgate. Ask for Eddie.

Prepare for a rude awakening, old chap...or perhaps I should say, a short nap on the canvas.

- Winston Wellington-Jones

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Captain West
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 01:00 PM

Wellington-Jones!

I forbear from calling you "Mister," as without any doubt you are such a cad and bounder that such an honorific as that is precluded.

Sir, your words insult me, an insult which can only be washed out with blood. My friends will call upon you; the choice of weapons is yours,if you are indeed man enough to use them.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 12:33 PM

My Dear Mr. Wellington-Jones,

If the money for airfare is the only thing that is preventing you from paying us a visit, please advise exactly what the cost will be (in American dollars, not British Pounds Sterling or whatever it is you Limeys call that confusing duodecimal excuse for real money you insist upon using) and we will endeavor to raise the necessary funds forthwith. Upon confirmation of your impending arrival we will procure a large economy-size can of Whoop-ass which will be held in reserve, with your name on it, to be opened immediately upon your arrival.

Please advise if you wish to take advantage of this opportunity to meet a few of the fine denizens of rural USA, aka Bubbaland.

Sincerely,

Bubba-dubya-ell

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:48 AM

I would relish the chance to pummel all of you bloody sods into insensibility, but it's not worth the air fare. Bee-dubya-ell, you are a simpleton of the sort all too common in the rural USA, and your every word makes that abundantly clear. I have nothing but contempt for you lot. You are worse than that bucolic cretin, Oakley, who recently changed his name to Oaklet to throw me off the track.

I can tell you exactly how old Penelope is. She is 25. The silly thing has got herself all in a lather about this preening Captain Nigel West, who is a pretentious bloke, totally stuck on himself. With any luck, he'll get cashiered for gunrunning or caught out in some drunken escapade with the London bargirls, and Penelope will come to her senses.

Whether Penelope and I will ever "reconcile" is a matter I do not intend to speculate about here. Suffice it to say that we are on speaking terms...more or less. I have known Penelope all my life, and she has a mind of her own, which can make her hard to deal with when her back is up. That, of course, is a sign of character, but it can also be a bloody nuisance.

I predict that Captain West's carriage will overturn within 3 months or less, and then things will get back to normal around here.

As for Pruella Tattle, the woman is the lowest piece of gutter-minded trash that ever crawled forth upon this planet, and...she looks like she must have been weaned on a pickle! I believe she is around 53, although she claims otherwise, and has never married (big surprise!).

The rumours about the punching bag are true, and Albert has got the sack. The bloody fool is now attempting to blackmail the Rutledges, it seems. Penelope is up to something, but I'm not sure just what it is. I can hardly believe she means to wallop Pruella, but I bloody well hope she does...though it might kill the old bat stone dead. No great riddance if it did, but the legal repercussions don't bear thinking about.

- Winston Wellington-Jones

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 10:54 AM

Will it make any difference if PR is with child (or foal) ? After all, I get the feeling that PR is not in her first flush of youth, and ladies of certain years often become aware that their biological clock is ticking away.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 10:40 AM

No doubt about it. GUEST is Winston Wellington-Jones. It's just like him to hide behind an anonymous GUEST face instead of coming right out in the open.

You do know that this impending marriage is doomed, don't you? Winston and Penelope will reconcile because each provides a fundamental need to the other. Winston needs someone to bully and Penelope, despite her "liberated" facade, has a deep need to be bullied, abused, and beaten about the buttocks with a riding crop.    They deserve one another if for no other reason than to make each other's lives pure hell. I, for one, relish the thought.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 10:27 AM

Good point, Dave! That is a distinct possibility.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 10:18 AM

Of course we haven't considered the possibility that the guest who wants this thread deleted is one of PR's ex-amours and that perhaps he finds it painful hearing the object of his affections being discussed thus. I suppose that the fact that PR has now become a subject of Pruella Tattle's tabloid journalism could be abhorent to him.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:56 AM

What sort of monkey, Khandu? Damn. It's a pity Spaw isn't wasting his time on this forum anymore.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Tweed
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:52 AM

HAW!! Good one Dave! Spewed myself...

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:33 AM

Someone please shit on the guest above.

Pruella - since PR has been scathingly rude about you - why not really dish the dirt about her ? What is her real age ? Is it true that her real interest in Captain West is his magnificently proportioned stallion ? etc

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:22 AM

Someone please delete this shit.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 08:33 AM

Wow. Nixon's balls, fresh monkey underwear, a rubber woman, and a live pig mask. This is either gonna be some exorcism or it's gonna get the Mudcat banned from the Internet.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 12:28 AM

khandu, may we watch?

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 11:03 PM

I have been asked by a private citizen to cast a demon out of Penelope. After much discussion, money changed hands (a "check", actually) & I agreed to do the exorcism.

I need a few things from those of you who want to help. I need a live pig, a set of fresh monkey balls, a rubber Nixon mask, & a complete set of women's undergarments.

Any money you would like to donate will be cheerfully accepted!

Kk

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,John from Hull's Brain
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 07:13 PM

Do as you like, mate. Him and me parted company years ago, we did.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Albert the Gardener
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 04:47 PM

I fink it's a bleedin' disgrace that someone like JOhn from 'ull, 'oo sounds like an incompetent drunken sot to me, should be allowed to make not just one but FOUR offensive and ramblin' posts to this 'ere forum when 'e doesn't 'ave a bleedin' thing to say wot anyone wants to 'ear anyway!

I've lost me job and must go on the dole, and all over ONE lit'le post that was not disrespecful in the leest to my employer, but was simply an 'onest bit of information that I thought the public ought to know about.

It's JOhn from 'ull that should lose 'is job, not me! But I bet the stupid git doesn't even 'ave a job to lose.

And now neither do I. It's not right.

I intend to reveal further revelations if I must, unless I am compensated for loss of income and mental distress. And if JOhn from 'ull will meet me in front of the "Pig and Poke" on next Friday night I will box the silly bugger's ears and knock some sense into 'im so's 'e doesn't continue to offend people 'ere wif 'is tasteless rubbish and vulgarity!

Albert McSwiggins, Twillingsgate

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 05:27 AM

hello, i mention karl, i donty know him last name, but they locked him up now, last i heard= they put him in one of them speshial hopsitals for mad people, he is good chef thouth, maybe they let him out now?, not sure really

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 05:18 AM

anyway= i remenber one time!
is customers birthday, manager say " 2 hello, , have a look in our itchen, 2,
customer say "ok thanks, i will,"
he goes in kitchen!,
yoiu gessed it!
Karl was there say to good customer with birthday-
", you fu**cking arshole, waht yoiu doing in my kitchen, ?, get out, get out!"
manager went white instantlty!, not sure waht customer said!

crazy times!

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 05:07 AM

aNyay, i heard about a law=

ifv you in hotel, and some gippo people try to come in your kitchen, then you entitled to chop there hands off, and chop them up
because, is chef in charge, and kichen is just for chefs , not for any boidy who want to go in kitchen, i thiink there is a proper law about this, but i;m not sure.

any way= 1 time, i worked with [i waws a chef], i worked with some mad bloke called karl, and he was tunisian, [i think], and his brain was fucked up threw to much many bears, and he neerly killed one waiter bloke waht came in the kitchen one day, [he strangulled him , then the boss told him to stop it!, he was the head chef, and no people allowed in his kitchen, [some people was scared of him, , he was a bit mental, [ loads of chefs are mental, but most of them are ok, wehn you get to knoew them], but he was , i admit he was really crazy, he used to throgh things at waiters, like knifes etc,
i think they put him in a secure unit in the end, not sure really,
anyway wahts this thread about?
plenty crazy chefs about!, anyway, i knew one chef, he haf to drink 2 botles of wine before he even think about doing any work, he likes to drinking, he worked with karl, but i think they sacked him.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 04:30 AM

apenelopoe, routlredge-you talk to posh, and preople dont know waht you on about,,
ps is about 7am in the morning, and i drinked about 10 cans of stella
so if i spelled antyhing wrong then just get lost.
ps did i get invite to you werdding then, and free food and bears then or waht?

anyway=a few years ago, i worked at hotel in hull, and we get some shitty council estate people in for weeddoings
and they get pissecand think they bloody great,
BUT, we give them shitty cheap shampane, and shitty cheep whine, and they dont even knoew!

2this whine is really nice, we are really posh, eyc etc etc2
and we chardged them about 2 thousand quid, for wedding resepshun,
when only cost 1 hundred quid, but serves them right, because they show off., and fight, and complane 2 this whine no good2, we say, ok have some more shitty whine then, 2 yes thank you, this one very nivcce. very posh!

and fighting, council estate people likes fighting at wedding, very funny, kitchen people ie chefs etc, used , yoused? to watch fights, one time = all people fightinfg, [even old people, grannys etc, and swearing= dont give my dorter fucking bad look arsole!, and smack with hand bag , and slap in face!, and one married bloke get big punch in the face from best man! " waht you bloody look at my wife for then?", then they try to come into kitchen=good tip=

never let wedding people go into kitchen, they always make trouble!

ps, some drunk ones try to give you a big story =2 my wife is shag my brother etc etc etc. just tell them get lost then say "g GET OUT OF MY KICHEN!
sometimes they be sick as well, just donyt let them in kitchen=,
if they sicxk in reception, then is reception woman job to cleen it not chef job....
then if gets to late, and all start scrapping, then is bouncers job to sort it, bouncers say "get out gippos bastards, [even if they not gippos, [ bouncers alays say thsat], and if not enough bouncers, they
shout for kitchen people, they shout, 2trouble, or MAN ON THE FLOOR, that means run quick!

then chefs get chance to give some one a good kicking, [but not happen very often]
and if they been making big trouble, you can throgh them in the cellar, beat them up, and shout tjings, like 2gippos bastard2 etc
, but never call police, always sort it youselft, you know wh#y?
if you call police they can stop yiu drink licence!

this waht happen at wedding.john

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Ebbie
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 03:56 AM

All I can say is that in the old days they buried them right smart. Died April 12, buried April 12...

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:20 PM

Oh, Bwuce, that whoop-ass affected your brain. This PR is not the same as that old hoary ancestor, obviously. I would dearly like to know what that Penelope Smith Rowland went through in her 77 years, though!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:16 PM

Wait a minute! Hold the phone! Stop the presses!

Penelope is a REAL PERSON!!!!

I copied the following from this site:

Penelope Rutledge was born on 7 Nov 1806. She married James S Rowland on 27 May 1830.

They had the following children:
                M        i        Rolly Thompson Rowland was born on 2 Mar 1831.         
                M        ii        Horatio MacOn Rowland was born on 7 Nov 1832.         
                F        iii        Nancy Elizabeth Rowland was born on 28 Dec 1835.         
                F        iv        Martha Ann Rowland was born on 24 Jul 1837.         
                M        v        James Louis Rowland was born on 8 Feb 1839.         
                F        vi        Mary Caroline Rowland was born on 1 Oct 1840.         
                M        vii        William Buchanen Rowland was born on 20 Jul 1843.         
                M        viii        Charles Jackson Rowland was born on 20 Feb 1844.         
                F        ix        Sarah June Rowland was born on 25 Dec 1848.         
                F        x        Penelope Smith Rowland was born on 20 Aug 1849 in Al. She died on 12 Apr 1926 in Jim Wells, Tx. She was buried on 12 Apr 1926 in Old Alice Cemetery, Alice, Tx.

Yes! She's real! She's also 197 years old! Imagine that! Had eleven children by her first husband and now she's 197 years old and still able to get knocked up! Amazing!

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 02:33 PM

Stand by, then, Oaklet -- and let me know when the date is. I would love to see this one play out...


A

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Oaklet
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 02:29 PM

When it comes to the bit where the priest asks "is there anyone present who knows of any lawful impediment.." etc. I'll bloody well pipe-up so help me:

1) He is a pouf
2) He nicks Penelope's stuff and offers it for sale in the Vicar Inn
3) He has a tattoo on the small of his back
4) So does she
5) I slept with him and he a selfish shit-for-brains
6) He can't tell the time

Sorry about this, but a bloke can only take so much.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Percy Gardner
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 01:45 PM

Dere Norbuck,
I wood lik to aply fer that job az handyman fore mz Rutabags' garden spot and work fore her real gude. Do you habv axxess to chainsaws and pitchforks ect.? Az I will require these items for pruning and so fourth. I would brang my own chainsaw but it iz wired for 110volt American and would run only at hafe-speed over thar.

Yerz,
Percy G.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Norbert (the butler)
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 01:20 PM

Albert the gardener has been fired. He always did lack discretion, but his pruning skills will be missed. We are now seeking a gardener and general handyman to replace him at Rutledge Mansion. Residents of Twillingsgate and surrounding area, please send full resume and await our call.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Tweed
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 01:07 PM

No Amos, I am in noways able to mispell az meny words as that gal and have a hard time reading her squawking posts on heir as she goes off into some other diaphragm that I am unfamilial with. Posonby it is some sort ob babylonian speech impedical.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 12:07 PM

ROTFLMAO!!! I think I have it -- Tweed has created Penelope in order to get even with his grade-school crushes!!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Tweed
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:37 AM

Dere Penny,
You hab proved yet again that hell hav no fury like a woman scorned. There iz nothing on this planet to git enny romantical overtures from me to you. I hate to say it, but I am sorry for you and yore apoplectic hubby to be. It iz a shame to see you parade around heir wif the maks ob smugnes and convolution on yore beaklike and toofless face all the while pining away fore the one who hab rejected all yore overchores.
Someday you will larn to forget me and cast yore scrawny body into a herd of swine and fall off a cliff or other high place sumwhars.

Yerz,
Tweed

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,A casual observer...
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:01 AM

She 'as set up a punchin' bag, she 'as, and is workin' out on it like a pit bull. I sawr it wif me own eyes, 'angin in the sun room it was! I fink she's plannin' some violence 'ere. I fink the 'elp around 'ere will be treadin' lightly is what I finks about it. She's got a look in 'er eyes that bodes ill for them as what ain't got their wits about 'em...

Cap'n West, e's been called back to London on "urgent business", so the lady must fight 'er battles on 'er own, and I believe she's quite capable of it. I wouldn't bleedin' test 'er. I values me peace of mind and bodily 'ealth besides.

Sorry. Must remain nameless.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 09:45 AM

Prhaps Tweed is actually an invention of Penelope's?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 09:38 AM

Tweed, I am really quite sorry to hear that you are still at large. I had hoped that some beneficent divine intervention would have occurred by now to take you off our streets, such as your being run over by a large road-grading machine or perhaps devoured by an escaped pack of Rottweilers.

I gather that you are still annoying decent people everywhere and giving drunks in alleyways someone to feel smugly superior to? Pity!

May I return your good wishes with a few of my own, and suggest that you consider taking up a more worthy lifestyle as soon as possible. There are schools out there, Tweed, who will take practically anyone and teach them the rudiments of a decent trade. You could become a plumber, and learn how to stop up holes....then take a large plug and a strong monkey wrench...and shut your mouth!

If you have the temerity to show up at any future wedding of mine I shall have you thrown out bodily.

And there is nothing wrong with my cycles!

*PR

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Tweed
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 09:14 AM

Dere Mz.Rutlegge,
I am pleezed to see thet you habv foun a man who would habv you at last. Its too bad thet you are missing yore monthly cycle and need to get yoreself nuptuated and I reckon yore daddy an hiz shotgun will be big playrs in the wedding party. I wish yore skankass all the happiness you ken find or gleen from the pore man whoom you habv trapped in this way and hope he recovers from whateber you poisoned hiz mind wif to get you in yore present delicas condiment.

Pees be on you durin' this festive seeson and I cinceerly hope thet you see fit to invite me to yore big wedding swarray az I hab much to confibulate and will do all in my powerz to make it memberable.
Yerz,
Tweed
MOAB.org

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:22 PM

Dear Amos and khandu,

If your Shakespearian asides are meant to infer that I may be the portrayer of Ms Rutledge, let us dispose of that delusion here and now. At the time of Ms Rutledge's initial appearance, I was a Mudcat newbie of only seven weeks. I'm pretty cheeky, but no newcomer could have invented Penelope. BS of that level takes a while to perfect. I would be capable of such a deed now, but I certainly wasn't then.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 10:00 PM

Hmmmmm. Goot Point there Amos!

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 09:51 PM

MEthinks the BWL doth protest o'ermuch!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 09:22 PM

Nah! Tweed ain't smart enuff to say summa th' things Penelope sez. An' he don' know Emily Dickinson from Emily Post. As a idiot myself, I recognizes idiocy in uther peeple an' Tweed is at least as big a idiot as me.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 09:13 PM

Maybe PR is the creation of Harry Lee Wigley, Sheeney or Shiney Knause, Thespian, freds or any one (or two or three!) of the grand characters of MOAB!

Or, perhaps, PR was begotten by the wonderful mind of. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .










Our Dear Jessup!








NAW!! She is Tweed!

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:17 PM

I dunno. Could be Kurt Vonnegut for all I know.

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:10 PM

And that would be.....?

Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:25 PM

HAWWWWW!!!!! Art, baby, if you think your statement "lowered the tone of the Mudcat to a level which it has not previously plumbed" you have been far too selective in your choice of which threads to read! After all, it was you who was given the title of "King's Personal Royal Bidet" over on the MOAB and that is plumbing far lower than inferring that an Emily Dickinson wannabe who has, in fact, no corporeal existence but is merely the perverse creation of a middle-aged male mind, could, possibly, be in a delicate condition. You can say anything you want about Penelope and there is bugger-all she can do about it because she, like Kilgore Trout, only exists in the mind of her creator.

Bruce