BS: Aliens Love Donuts

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:55 PM

doughnut foresake me oh my donut
on this our shredding day...

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 05:54 PM

Doughnut forsake me o my darling

John.....Coat time again methinks.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: SueB
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 05:33 PM

Freda, I was simply speechless with awe. True genius means never having to say you're sorry. Who needs anal probes, anyway - such a cliche - introducing the vampire and s/m themes was a startling and inspired touch.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 10:02 AM

hi sue - sorry about this.. it just slipped out when i wasn't looking!   .. it's a little wonky, and i forgot a verse about anal probes.. never mind!

best wishes

freda

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: SueB
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 02:27 AM

oh freda!

what can I say?

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 12:14 PM

KAt:

Cage Aux Faux? That's hilarious!!! Wodda play on words!! I love it!!

Faux = the false, pretend, misleading. Thus "The Cage of Lies".

Folles = the Mad (feminine variant). (the original term used in the title, "The Cage of Crazy Women").

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: freda underhill
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 11:47 AM

twas the killer alien vampire
come for his Krispy Creams
his black eyes flashed in the morning
to the sound of Krispy screams
he said serve me my Krispys with human blood
tell the Red Cross, I want more
call Oscar the butcher from the slaughteryard
i'm hungry for donuts.. and more
I'll have liver and kidneys and pay by card
i want pink icing and a fresh dead bard
send me my whip for the donuts of course
my veins are surging and i'll take them by force
Krispy Creme donuts - they're just my cover
i'm after some catters, dripped in butter
give me Shambles, I'll take him, and chew him up fine
and I'll blend him with Amos, and some old red wine
Jeanie - you're ruuned - and Trevor - you're tripe
I'll roll in soft flesh and consume every bite
I want Krispy Cremes!fetch my studs and the leather
I thought that this boredom would go on forever!
sautee the kidneys! I need some energy food
Bring me the file, I want my teeth done
its me and the Krispies, and Brucie for fun
and when its all over some peppermint tea
i have to look after my liver, you see...

Vladimir the Inhaler.....

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 04:22 AM

I hope tentacles is not a spelling mistake!!
John

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Kaleea
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 02:49 AM

Is Krispy Kreme at a Do nut or a Don't nut?
How do you really know that the above alleged allegations are true? Did Elvis tell you? I only accept facts pertaining to aliens if Elvis tells me it's true.
    By the by, It just so happens that Elvis, Captain Kirk & I had just beamed into a Krispy Kreme shop, when--wouldn't you know it! Those pesky little green whatzits popped in outta nowhere & since we left our phasers on the Enterprise, we managed to fend them off by tossing donuts-or don't nuts--at them. We took one prisoner, a whatzit by the name of Giok, & whaddya know--?! All of a sudden he says his real name is John somethingorother, & he works for the Dept. of Homeland Security as an Undercover Alien Agent! Ya couldda knocked me over with a phaser set on light stun!
    So, Giok--I mean John, how does it feel to be free of all of that slimey green crud you were wearing all over your tentacles? Uh, are those real tentacles, or what?!

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 09:46 AM

Oh, then you're not talking about camp with a capital "C" ala La Cage Aux Faux?

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 05:14 AM

It's what you get stuck to the bottom of your pan [skillet?] after cooking on a camp fire. No not a CAMP fire, a campfire!
John

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Peace
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 11:10 PM

They brought a panache with them? Does salve work on that? Sounds painful.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 06:53 PM

Well they have a branch or two here in San Diego, and their mysterious panache came with them!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: PoppaGator
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 05:50 PM

In defense of Krispy Kremes:

If you have a good local bakery that makes good donuts, they're probably as good or better than KKs. Here in New Orleans, we *used* to have McKenzie's -- but no longer. Also, we have beignets at the Cafe du Monde and the Morning Call, which are wonderful in their own right but are not exactly the same thing as a good old fashioned American donut.

I'll also concede that there's nothing all that special about the many different flavor items available from KK. If you're especially attached to one or more of them, good for you, but I reserve the right to disagree.

What's really special at Krispy Kreme is the "original glazed," which is almost always available fresh and hot, direct from the hot-grease-and-liquid-sugar automated assembly line -- simply amazing, light as air despite the high caloric content. Fluffy on the inside with a thin hard sugary shell on the outside.

Krispy Kreme is based in the Carolinas, and they have so far expanded only regionally, not nationwide. Until recently, when they opened a store in the New Orleans suburbs, I had eaten them only in the Florida panhandle and Washington DC. They're still kind of exotic hereabouts; familiarity hasn't yet bred contempt.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 04:55 PM

Hot cross dougnuts? [Holy food?]
John

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Peace
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 01:53 PM

No, no cross-bread freaks, but they did beget some cross-bread treats.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 01:45 PM

No, one's American, and the other isn't.
                   or
One's spelt correctly the other's not.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:54 PM

Is a do nut the same as a doughnut ?

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: SueB
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 11:48 AM

"At least they begat no cross-bred freaks"

Oh yes. Can't type, helplessly laughing...

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 02:26 AM

So, BillDee, does that mean Gorgeous Gary is an *gasp* alien?! LOL! I remember when that one got posted.

To the tune of Bury Me Not:

Oh, feed me not, the Krispy Kremes
That's not the hole I wanted filled.
An alien tried and promptly failed
Oh, feed me not, the Krispy Kremes.

I sat all day in the donut shop
Tasting each one they had got.
All in all they weren't too bad
Until I saw where they'd been had.

Oh, feed me not...

Alien members fit them well all round
They went a'rutting upon the ground,
At least they begat no cross-bred freaks
And their probing only took two weeks.

Oh, feed me not...

(Aarrgghhh! It's been awhile. Thanks for indulging..fun thread! Giok/John, I miss Dunkin' Donuts! We don't have them out here.

Never have had a Krispy Kreme, but never liked filled donuts anyway. Freakin' Aliens don't know what's good!**bg**)

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: SueB
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:06 AM

Coming soon to the NY Times Non-FIction Bestseller List:

"Donuts That Love Too Much, and the Aliens that Gr#&*ble Them"

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Peace
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 09:07 PM

This thread title misses an important point, for it matters little if aliens love donuts. What really matters? IS THAT LOVE RETURNED! Streets go two ways, except for those that don't, and love is like that except when it's not. So I ask again the question: IS THAT LOVE RECIPROCATED? Only the truly serious need reply.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 09:02 PM

written by a sometime poster to Mudcat who consorts with aliens

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:42 PM

Ha!

I like that one, John.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:05 AM

Go climb a staircase!

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: GUEST,THE DALEKS
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 02:38 AM

WE ARE THE DALEKS!

EX-TER-MIN-ATE!   EX-TER-MIN-ATE!

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:54 PM

to the same tune as 'The Wolfhound'

The aliens came to Krispy Kremes
To buy their love donuts.
And they have inserted anal probes
to check the function out.

And when they part from Krispy Kremes
and spaceward home have sped.
Are you surprised, for I am not,
They tumble into bed

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: SueB
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:31 PM

Yes! That's the spirit!

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:16 PM

To the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel":

They come from space on a laser beam,
The jelly-filled's, they're hoardin'
Why do they go to the Krispy Kreme?
They haven't tried Tim Hor-ton's

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 11:36 AM

Heigh ho away we go, calorie counting, calorie counting
Heigh ho away we go, funkin' an' a-dunkin'

Have you eaten them in the nude
Funkin dunkin funkin dunkin
That refrain sounds awfully rude
Just like keep on truckin'

Heigh ho.....John

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: SueB
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 02:56 AM

If no one cares to finish off that little ditty I started, perhaps I could get some help with this:

(to the tune of that song about were you ever in Quebec riding on a donkey)

Were you at the Krispy Kreme
When they came upon the scene
Little aliens so green
Clamoring for donuts

Give us all you've got, to go,
chocolate creme-filled, chocolate creme-filled,
Or we'll start the anal probes
and summon all the hamsters.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 06:34 PM

One of my best memories of NY City was the day we tried to take the trip to the Statue of Liberty, and turned up too late for the last boat. So we took the Staten Island Ferry and waved as we passed the statue. When we got off the ferry we went up to the next level, bought a bag of doughnuts from the Dunkin Donuts place at the terminal, a carton of Root Beer, and got back on the same ferry for the return trip. Silly but fun.
John

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 04:21 PM

We have a whole bunch of people here who ought to be earning good money writing for the Weekly World News...

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 03:32 AM

Great start, Sue -- I can almost see that bright light from here!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: SueB
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 01:30 AM

Oh, by all means, a verse considering the calibration of anal probes must be included.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: SueB
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 01:28 AM

To the tune of "I shall be released."

They say all donuts are the same
They say no aliens are here
But I've a story to relate
'Twas at the Krispy Kreme last year

I saw a bright light shining
From the west unto the east
I saw aliens arriving
Strange and knobby little beasts

They said chocolate-covered creme-filled
Are the donuts we desire
And you will to please provide them
Or you will deserve our ire

I saw a bright light shining...

They hung their knobs all 'round with donuts
Then began to moan and sway
But when they commenced to shudder
I had to turn my eyes away

I saw a bright light shining...



More verses involving bagels, hamsters, alien-human love-affairs, abductions, and stunrays are required - then maybe it could end with something along the lines of how detouring two whole light years might be thought by some extreme, but aliens would travel even farther for the love of Krispy Kremes.

I pass the baton.


I pass the baton...

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Peace
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 01:12 AM

That's disgusting! I mean they do that beFORE they use the probe, right? I may never have to face an anal probe in my life--clever, right?--but I will be eating doughnuts again. Jaysus. Gawd damn aliens a55holes!

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:51 AM

The aliens use the donuts to calibrate their anal probes.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: LadyJean
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:45 AM

The Krispy Kreme doughnut is a mediocre doughnut. You can buy better from the supermarket.
If you want a good doughnut try your neighborhood bakery.
If you want a great doughnut make it yourself. There is no mess in a kitchen like a doughnut mess. But it's well worth it.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 12:37 AM

It's a lie! Aliens do not really like Krispy Creme donuts! They just like to hang out in the Krispy Kreme shop at 2:00 AM looking for humans to abduct. Just zapping people at random has started to cause problems so the aliens are trying to get to know their potential abductees a little before turning the abductor beam on. You know, drink a little coffee, eat a couple of glazed, start a little conversation.

Their research has shown that people hanging out in Krispy Kreme between midnight and 6:00 AM tend to be prime candidates for abduction. But they've still gotta be a little careful, ya know. Why, just last month Ž€ßÞŒ¥ asked someone if he'd like to "Take a little trip to someplace outta this world" and it turned out to be an undercover narc. The rest of the crew had to stun ray the whole restaurant just to get himherit outta there.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 10:42 PM

Krispy Kreme are way too sweet. When I was a kid I had a friend whose grandmother made cake donuts every week. After school we'd each get a big glass of milk and a couple of donuts and they were heavenly!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Peace
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 10:29 PM

Is that ever cool.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 09:18 PM

HOW THE ALIENS DISVOVERED DONUTS

http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/starmap4a.jpg

I did this today.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: PoppaGator
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 03:08 PM

More alien lore today, from one of my co-workers.

I think this came off the web (like everything else), but he sent it to me as a Word document, so I don't have a link that would lead us to further nonsense, or at least would identify the source.

I'll just copy-and-paste they whole thing; if you don't have the patience to read the whole thing, skip to the bottom -- the bulleted-list items make up the funniest part:

ALIENS AMONG US

How well do you really know your mate?

The old saying about men and women being from different planets isn't always a joke: You may really be married to someone from outer space!

"As many as 5 million aliens are living in the United States after taking on human form," says Dr. James Kune, a physicist and former government UFO expert. "They're evenly split between male and female, and most of them are married though childless.

"My research has determined that the average person has a 50-50 chance of being married to one."

Dr. Kune says he has researched human-alien marriages for the past 10 years and uncovered at least 1,000 cases of aliens passing themselves off as humans -- so convincingly, few spouses have the slightest clue.

"Their motives for coming here remain unclear," he says. "World conquest, the desire to live on a strange planet, overcrowding on their home world -- take your pick. We will know the answer eventually."

Dr. Kune says aliens mate with us for both practical and emotional reasons.

"In the early years of alien visitation, many E.T.s were looking only for cover -- marrying a human man or woman took suspicion off them as outsiders. Eventually they realized that not all humans marry, that they could just as easily pass as 'confirmed bachelors' or 'old maids.' "

But most aliens actually did end up marrying. "For most other species, it's unnatural NOT to pair off with someone. The longer they stayed here, the lonelier and more eager for companionship they became. And so they began developing actual loving relationships with humans.

"One of the most surprising findings in my research is that these alien-human relationships are among Earth's strongest marriages. While the overall divorce rate for U.S. marriages is hovering around 50 percent, almost 90 percent of alien-human marriages last well beyond the so-called 'seven-year itch' that often marks the end of human-to-human marriage.

"I can only theorize that the aliens are working harder to make their relationships succeed, probably to protect their true identities. Or maybe they just like being married -- which," he says with a smile, "really should be our first clue that they're not human."

Getting serious again, Dr. Kune has several signs that point to your spouse being out of this world.

Alien husbands:

·        Love to fix things around the house -- and actually repair what's broken instead of making it worse. "This is obviously a function of their highly developed mechanical and scientific skills," Dr. Kune says. "They usually have every high-tech power tool they can get their hands on, and keep it all compulsively organized."

·        Do not use the TV remote to "surf" at lightning speed through channels, but stop at each program to absorb the information before moving on.

·        Are energized and stimulated by physical contact with their wife. They often initiate long conversations after a lovemaking session, in order to better understand the experience.

·        Will ask for directions when they're lost -- sometimes. "A significant number are just as stubborn about it as human men," Dr. Kune says. "I suspect that a lot of aliens are on this planet only because they couldn't find their way to their planned destination."

Alien wives:

·        Are fascinated by sporting events, especially those on TV. They become very quiet during a game and do not question their husband about it, preferring to focus on the game and tune in telepathically to the coaches and players.

·        Approach housework and meal preparation as research into human labor, which they prefer to conduct on their own. "When their husbands offer to help them with these duties, several alien wives reported feeling hurt and insulted," Dr. Kune says.

·        Work hard at being fit and attractive by getting regular exercise and practicing good nutrition. "I have not found a single instance of an alien wife asking her husband if she looks fat," Dr. Kune says.

·        Are analytical and logical in arguments with their husband, "although we are beginning to see the early development of the skill of weeping," Dr. Kune says, "as alien women become more assimilated into our civilization."

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:46 PM

*I* thought it was the Manatees and the Dutch!

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Kim C
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:37 PM

I thought dogs were trying to take over the world...

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Peace
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 01:59 PM

I don't understand how the kreme gets krispy. In fact, I've never had a Krispy Kreme donut. The hamsters taste good, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 01:50 PM

What the Weekly World News fails to realize is that the Krispy Kreme thing is a scam intended to lull us all into a false sense of security. The aliens intend to take over the Earth with the aid of hamsters. Hamsters are actually an alien lifeform introduced not very long ago, biologically speaking, and they are slowly infiltrating homes all over the World. When the time comes the hamsters and the aliens will strike simultaneously and the jig will be up for humanity! The human survivors will be enslaved, kept in cages, made to run on excercise wheels to generate power, and fed nothing but Krispy Kreme donuts.

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Peace
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 01:32 PM

SueB: For you.

Martian spacecraft crashes due to a flat tire outside Bernie's Deli. Martian sees a bagel and thinks it's a spare tire. He goes to buy it. He says, "Let me have a spare tire, please."
   Bernie says, "What?"
   "I'd like a spare tire please," as he points.
   Bernie says, "Oh you mean a bagel!"
   Martian says, "What do you do with them?"
   Bernie says, "Eat 'em." He gives the Martian a taste.
   The Martian ponders for a few seconds and says, "You know, this would go good with lox and cream cheese."

Subject: RE: BS: Aliens Love Donuts
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 12:41 PM

Sue:

Oh, horrors, horrors!! LOL!! Very funny!


A