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BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 13 Dec 04 - 04:03 AM Brrrr! That cold air hits hard when you get out of that hot tub. Glad to be back inside for a hot toddy. I hear the Canadians are in and in good voice singing their one and only carol "We Three Kings of Ontario are". Ah, lunch. I think the lobster bisque followed by pigeon pie and maybe just a morsel of christmas pud. Thankfully the jello has all gone now, swept out with the empty shell that was once John Boy Walton. That Knacker Lacquer was fading fast at the end, I think in future we'll try the ACME "BOLLOCK BRITE" and the festive headed thumb tacks. Getting close now. Time to do the Christmas shopping. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 13 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM You have a point, Liz. Better keep her royal behindness bundled up inside then. But what happened to the carolers? Who sat on them? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 13 Dec 04 - 10:46 AM so that's why they've been singing 'Lo how a rear descending?' |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 13 Dec 04 - 11:23 AM And exactly what's wrong with rubber duckies in the hot tub, may I ask? I take MY rubber duckies with me whenever I get into the water, including my morning shower. After all, they saved my life once and it's the least I can do for them. Maybe you just don't have a good relationship with your rubber duckies. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: SINSULL Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:15 PM No duckies...but I do have a red rubber rabbit who is my best friend. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 13 Dec 04 - 03:14 PM Liz - I think the Carol Singers went off like a damp squab.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Dec 04 - 07:11 PM Grroooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn.... Limpit is tucked up asleep again.... she does things to a rubber duckie that ought not be witnessed by any ornithologist.... she won't even let me sing the song.... All together now.... Rubber Duckie, you're the one, You make bathtime lots of fun, Rubber Duckie I'm awfully fond of you.... boe doe dodi-oe... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Susan A-R Date: 14 Dec 04 - 12:06 AM Ah, now this is civilized, lobster bisque and a nice pint of amber ale. I've got some yummy fresh pears, perfectly ripe, just the thing after a nice rich meal. A little juicy on the fiddle strings, but things seem a little mellow in here for a tune anyway, not bad after a long day. I'd consider the hot tub, but I'd fall asleep and drown at this point. I'll just cheer the duck races from the sidelines. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rustic Rebel Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:16 AM Don't mind me I'm just sneaking up on the cats and squawking my bassoon. Ha! Did you see that sucker jump? Oh! Ha! that one fell right in the hot tub. That cat can scream, scared the hell out of it. Sorry folks in the tub, I didn't mean to scare you too. Good thing the cat's declawed huh? Come kitty, kitty. I have some Baileys....SQUAWK...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MAG Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:43 AM Wow, I go away for the weekend and the singers have all quit?? I need that hot tub, but no torturing of felines in my presence. I'll round up whoever wants to sing after a good soak ... zzzz ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:52 AM *Rubber duckie, you're so fine And I'm glad that you are mine, Rubber Duckie you're my very best friend it's truuuuuuuue.... Every day when I make my way to the tubby I find a little fella who's cute and yella and chubby........* Something very sad about someone my age who knows the words of all the Sesame Street songs................... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 07:05 AM Is this duck rubbing some strange Christmas custom that I have previously missed? What happens to the ducks when rubbed, or is that a leading question? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:29 AM Mingulay, I suggest you ask Geoff...he has a rather peculiar smile on his face! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: InOBU Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:44 AM After a brief snooze of some time 47 hours or so, Lorcan wakes up and notices that his feet are very very cold! AND THEY ARE! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:47 AM So that's why he keeps returning to the hot tub. I thought he'd just lost his soap but then I am going quackers. As it has gone quiet in here I shall now give a rendition of my new song "Sod off you Hairy Old Pervert" to the tune of Rudolph. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:07 AM "Whee!" he yells, as he pulls a cord and with a chord 4,376 rubber duckies descend like the balloons at a US political convention. And descend they do, into the hot tub, the jello, the lobster bisque, the punch bowl, and various glasses and cups of liquid. "Merry Christmas, rubber duckies!" he shouts. "I have set you free!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:20 AM I'm tempted to give you all a rendition of "Boris the Blue Balled Reindeer" - but maybe I'll save it for Christmas Eve. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:33 AM Oh no! Look at all these ducks, what fool let them free? Does he not realise that these ducks cannot live without their life support system. They need constant latexing and rubbing and contact with something called a Geoff, who I believe to be their leader. No only that, but 2 have been lost, there are only 4,374 here. Lorcan also realises that not only are his feet cold, but they are in fact his own feet. This is strange as he thought he had swapped them for a pair of red, sparkly bed socks with a bearded man on a sled. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:56 AM Aaaacckkkk! Splutter Splash splash splash MMario, you're toast if you set foot out on this deck for the rest of the day! Where's the squid? I have a job for you! You see all of these duckies? Corral them, please! You see that electric koolaid acid painted bus out at the back of the parking lot? Yeah, that one. Fill it with rubber duckies, please. You know the words. . . move along, little duckies. . . hmmm hmmmm hmmm and Wyoming will be your new home. . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:58 AM OOps, soorrry, Mmario--RAPAIRE--You're toast if you come near the tub! (I was still proofing the thing when it accidentally sent the last message--going off half-coded). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:18 AM I was wondering what I did wrong... As I was a-soaking one morning in jello, |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:42 AM I trust that bus is fitted with all the statutory safety devices necessary for the carriage of rubber wildfowl. To whit, harnesses, belts, nets or other equipment to restrain the said ducks in the event of collision and sufficient seating for said ducks. Are the ducks accompanied by a suitably qualified duckherd? Are they to be issued with high visibility reflective jackets for use during herding? Love the song MMario, is it based on personal experience? The squid returns to the tavern muttering about union rates and overwork. Multifooted shouldn't have to mean multitasking and now he's lost his voice shouting at ducks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:02 AM I don't care WHAT my siblings tell you - I was *NEVER* a proffessional duck-wrangler. It was strictly a temp summer job - along with the occasional goose gaggling and swan herding. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:23 AM "duck wrangler" My hearing must be going, I thought they said duck w**ker! Still, you must admit that swan upping is a bit of a lark. Nearly as much fun as goose gandering. Best to keep it temporary, it can only lead to fowl pest and a withered beak. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Dec 04 - 05:20 PM A head appears over the parapet from the Minstrels Gallery. "What's all that commotion down there then???" "Did I hear my name being taken in vain?" "Why is that squid back? I thought I'd given him the bus fare back to the docks!" "And who's that 'Duck Herd' in the reflective jacket? (Probably only a joke to those who live in 'Ull). It's getting too rowdy in here for us that just want a quiet drink with the odd brass band and chip supper. He opens the shutters on the far side of the landing and lets a Blue Clicky fly through the window. It rests on an ornately carved pedestal half way along the balcony and sings to anyone who tickles it gently behind its neck. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 14 Dec 04 - 06:14 PM And he flings back a blue clicky (but not one that's already loaded). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 15 Dec 04 - 02:46 AM Crow murdering? Chicken flocking? Now THAT one sounds decidedly unsavoury! You leave this cute little duckie with me! I've become attached to it! *There, there duckie, just let me give you a soothing little rub..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: chris nightbird childs Date: 15 Dec 04 - 02:56 AM As they toss the rubber duckie about, Nightshirt passes out his very own Blue Clicky to anyone who'll take it... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 15 Dec 04 - 03:56 AM Boo Hoo! I can't do blue clickies. Can I have a blue clicky for Christmas please Dad. Can I please. I'll be good all year. PLEAAAAAaaaaaaaaaassssseeeeee!!! Reels back from cuff round ear and falls on duck on floor. Still, no harm done as woman stroking duck broke the fall. Suddenly surrounded by blue things (some people will do anything to advertise). The squid sits in a corner begging for the bus fare back to the docks as he spent the first lot on wine, women and thong. At least he thought it was a thong, in reality it was an octopus luggage strap. What an octopus needs luggage for I don't know. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 15 Dec 04 - 08:24 AM "Squids have the right to bare arms!" he screams and rips off his shirt. "And so do I!" Unfortunately, his arms are weak and pasty white and, actually, rather disgusting. From the corner the squid pats his shoulder and mutters, "There, there." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 15 Dec 04 - 08:33 AM He's 'armless really. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 15 Dec 04 - 09:09 AM Nightshirt...did no one ever tell you that all this self-promotion will make you go blind? Here...grab a duck and sit over there in the corner...you'd be amazed at how soothing it is to rub-a duck! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 15 Dec 04 - 09:12 AM Rapaire - Don't you and the Idaho League have menuevers to go on or something? and *this* year , Do you think you can stop them from using the sleigh as target range practice? The detonations scare the crap out of the reindeer - and Mrs. Santa says the cleaning bills for the suit are getting outrageous - never mind the stench! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 15 Dec 04 - 10:43 AM Squidland Amusement Park. XXX-rated Squid flix. And a song to hum to as you contemplate this squid's life away from the Mudcat Tavern. It's no wonder he likes to hang out here, wrangling ducks or no. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 15 Dec 04 - 11:27 AM PIERCAM!!! The new answer to sleeping pills. Yes, if you find Kelpcam too exciting this is the one for you. Ideal for accountants, actuaries and other somnambulent life forms. Not suitable for those suffering from cardiac conditions. No wonder the squid looks pale. A nightshirt with failing sight gropes his way among the ducks. He now knows what the expression "ducky poos" actually means. His website is now more webshite, still lots of hot water and a stiff brush should clear it up. Wonder if that would work for my keyboard. ##&%]]%$£ whooooooosssshhh. Obviously not! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:08 PM ACtually, to be totally prosaic and factually correct, there is a job of Swanherd - it's the title given to the chief warden at the Abbotsbury Swannery, this totally incredible place , and for a long time it was a man called 'Lexy' Lexington. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: SINSULL Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:58 PM And a sad and happy tale of ducks to add to the mix. Be forewarned - some die... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: SINSULL Date: 15 Dec 04 - 07:00 PM http://www.ralphsteadman.com/03ducks.asp |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:44 PM Slowly, oh so slowly, quietly, oh so quietly, he carefully reaches for the other rope, a tug upon which will release |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:52 PM the neck of the net which has in it a thousand pearly red and green balloons, and one piece of holly...... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:56 PM ...Near's underwear... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:18 PM cash. Lots of cash. (Might as well join those beavers in Oregon that built their dam out of thousands of dollars in misplaced stolen money!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:08 PM The water is hot, the air is steamy, but a scrambling fluttering honking noise is suddenly audible over the general din of diners, folk singers, and burning woodwinds. "You don't suppose. . . naw. . . NO!. . .Rapaire, leave that trap door alone!" The shout is too late, he pulls the rope. Squawk! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:14 PM And he sings as he yanks (the rope) the old favorite Oh the weather outside is frightful, But inside you it's so delightful, I ain't got no place to go, WHOA! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow, yee HAW! He sings it that way because he is, deep inside, a perverted wretch. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:23 PM Before the bathers have time to respond in any way, in rapid succession they all heard slap! slap! slap! slap! slap! slap! slap! slap! Unseen by all, the giant squid had slithered back into the room, and the spectacular squid/snow goose slapdown had begun! Birds begin bouncing off of beams, bongo drums, the tree, and cats and ducks are jarred from their rafters as feathers and fowl fly everywhere. All Mudcatters dive for cover. . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:54 PM And he sings bagpipe music whilst geese and the squid have at each other: It's no go my honey love, it's no go my poppet; Work your hands from day to day, the winds will blow the profit. The glass is falling hour by hour, the glass will fall for ever, But if you break the bloody glass you won't hold up the weather. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 17 Dec 04 - 10:19 PM Perhaps MMario would like to save the day by loudly announcing two new menu items--calamari and roast goose. . . just a thought |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: SINSULL Date: 18 Dec 04 - 12:13 AM On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me A squid jellied in cranberry On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me Two scalded cats And aquid jellied in cranberry On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me Three geese alaying The two sclded cats And a squid jellied in cranberry On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Four rubber duckies Three geese a laying The two scalded cats And a squid jellied in cranberry On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Five pints of ale... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: SINSULL Date: 18 Dec 04 - 12:15 AM Sorry. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 18 Dec 04 - 07:17 AM MBSLynne clutches her rubber duckie and crouches under a chair where she peers out at the chaos outside. The air is thick with Goose feathers and bits of squid....but wait a minute!.......Surely those aren't ALL goose feathers?? No! Someone has opened the skylight and softly, gently, large fluffy snowflakes are falling into the tavern covering everything and everybody with a shimmering eiderdown (no, no, they were geese, not ducks!) of white. "Someone chuck something on the fire quickly!! It's getting colder by the minute. Oaklet!!! Come under this chair and give me a BIG cuddle!!" |
