BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!

Subject: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 08:54 AM

How come you never thought of this? Or is it you in disguise??
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 09:25 AM

Looks like a bit of shag pile to me, mate! And I see the location is listed as Rugburn. Very apt.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 09:53 AM

I had one of those once, but got caught out in the rain and it kinda got
outa hand. (My brother took the picture and now I can't find myself.)

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 11:12 AM

ROFLMAO!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Cllr
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 12:20 PM

i cant find my camoflage net...

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: GUEST, Topsie
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 12:56 PM

An escaped Hastings bogey?

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: C-flat
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 01:28 PM

Great!
That's the Christmas-gift-dilemma solved!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Don Firth
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 01:29 PM

PTUI!!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 03:28 PM

What an amazing business opportunity! Chia merkins!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 04:04 PM

The only person with an IQ of 160 and green pubic hair was Bamber Grassgroin!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 04:14 PM

Merkin. Jimmy, think of the possibilities for song rhymes: gerkin, dirk in, perkin', jerkin' (forget that one), workin'--OK, so it'll be a brief (heehee) song. Maybe a poem or a short ode. Where's Beardedbruce or Thomas the Rhymer? Guys, we need a poet!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 04:54 PM

I wandered lonely, drunk and proud
all floating by on valium pills
when all at once i thought out loud
and told the priest he made me ill
he had a mangy tartan merkin
with horror stories in it lurkin'

incontinent as his startled mind
that pickled up my silly stays
he retched in never-ending whine
inciting me to drink and pay
ten thousand downed I at a glance
tossing the glasses at his pants

he buckled over, screamed hooray
i tipped the oily knave in ghee
he went out stalking oft in May
and offered me a cup of tea
my eyes were glazed, my mind distraught
for brother Ken was such a sort

now oft, when in the vault i lay
in vacant or offensive mood
I know that Brother Ken's a spy
for the Mafia or Rodney Rude
and then my heart with pleasure fills
and suffocates the daffy pills..


f.u.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 04:56 PM

to understand the subtle complexities of the thrird last line, ..read on!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 05:37 PM

Giok,
Jacqui and I just discovered a pair of sheep living less than a mile from my house. Probably illegal. Probaly not virgins. But they are here for you.
Now leave JimmyT alone!
The Lovely SINS

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 06:12 PM

There was an old man from Leeds
Who swallowed a package of seeds
From out of his ass
Came bunches of grass
And his balls were all covered with weeds.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 10:04 PM

Rosalina, a pretty young lass
Had a very magnificient ass --
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think
But gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 10:23 PM

Where'd this "merkin" work come from? Down here in Bubbaland we call a wig for a bald-headed twat a "Gizzmacher".

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 10:24 PM

Meagre beaver in Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 10:25 PM

. . . but that's not true. Just made it up.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: bobad
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 10:31 PM

In French it's known as a pubé toupé.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: GUEST,Freda's Shocked Santa.
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 11:53 PM

That's it...coal is all you get. Just coal.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 05 - 11:57 PM

Santa, where have you been?

you know, Christmas in Sydney could be a boiler - what will I do with coal?

I promise, promise that I will try to be good!


a very penitant freda


ps, the f.u. thing. it's just my initials, you know?, think, like in the Odd Couple.. (felix unger used to sign his notes f.u...)

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 07:42 AM

Does this mean the expression 'Cut a rug' is a mis-print then?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: jimmyt
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 08:59 AM

well,well,well,......... I see there has been a lot of adolescent giggling and tittering and making fun of ole jimmyt while he was away trying his best to make it a better world, one tooth at a time.

Giok, I have my legal team looking in to this Merkin bit. Harry Richard, oh how clever! These people have violated my very latest corporate research with planting a spy on my R and D department. It is just this type of corporate espionage that makes it so difficult for an honest businessman to eke out a living these days.   Now I shall have to let my chauffer go in order to tighten my belt.

So lets review:

We still have the best line of thongs on the planet, soon to come out with the camo line for the redneck southern women.

I have developed several edible products thanks to Jane and Geoff Duck and their UK market research. Sad to say the treacle thong has some ...........adhesion issues that we must overcome if this is to be a viable product. Thanks for all you have done, Mrs. Duck to run the experiments, I am sorry for the unpleasent "stickiness" and the whole ants-at-the-picnic incident was unpreventible . Send me the Casualty Department bill and I shall gladly reimburse you, dear.

This Merkin bit will prove to be just fine for our Scottish Division. I appreciate Giok for heading up our work amongst the Celts and Picts. I will not tell you exactly how he came up with the idea of inserting the male genitalia in somthing tha so resembles sheepwool, but it was absolutely brilliant, Giok. Keep up the good work, mate, ewe are the man!

I have a line of new products that will soon be available for Mudcatters everywhere, hopefully in time for the CHristmas gift-giving season, I can only give you a hint, marital aids that are environmentally friendly and combine the subtle aroma of several delicious products, kraut, beef jerky, tuna, beer, tandoori chicken, and Kim Chee for our Korean Friends.

Yes, friends, the corporate world of jimmytinc continues to climb over the biotech and dotcoms to earn our rightful placeamong the giants. more to come..........

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:40 AM

I am trying to make my [shag] pile too Jimmy!

G..

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 01:48 PM

Why do you want to shag a pile? And what about my idea of Chia merkins? There's a fortune to be made there, I tell you!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 03:15 PM

"Yes, friends, the corporate world of jimmytinc continues to climb over the biotech and dotcoms to earn our rightful placeamong the giants. more to come"

I think he's finally got the hang of it. The new Halliburton--and we can say we knew him when. (Will that be OK, jimmy?)

PS Let's wait until he's a corporate giant, THEN we send the pictures of the sheep, etc.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 03:55 PM

Or the pictures of him modeling the products....

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 04:00 PM

. . . and the group shot with the herd.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 06:44 PM

Sheep aren't herd, cattle are herd. Sheep are flocked.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 06:48 PM

Oh yeah? Then what are birds, huh? Answer that. A flock of sheep. Pshaw. When the heck did you ever see a flock of sheep flying south? Huh? HUH? And if sheep aren't herd, then how do we know that Mary's Little Lamb cried all the way home? For a smart guy you just don't make sense at times.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: jimmyt
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:40 PM

yeaH Rapaire! I'm with Brucie on this! because of one thing!

They are called ShepHERDS

They are not caled ShepFLOCKERS

(Giok being the notable exception)

with love and affection

jimmyt

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:45 PM

Well...well...oh yeah? What about llamas? What about ewes? What about whales, huh? -- they come in pods, like peas! And crows are just murder! Did you ever see a pod of sheep or a murder of cows? Or a pride of whales, for that matter? And for that matter, lamas come in a monastery!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:51 PM

About-to-be-flying llama.

Flying llama.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM

Okay, so llamas come in airplanes. I didn't know that. "Hey, Jose! Is that your airplane of llamas in Mr. Garcia's garden?"


The one-L lama, he's a priest
The two-L llame, he's a beast,
And I will bet a silk pajama
There isn't any 3-L lllama.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:56 PM

Flying whales in a snowstorm.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:02 PM

It's just not yer day, Rapaire.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:28 PM

Actually, all animals, regardless of species or genus, come in a "bunch." This is best demonstrated by the following, true-life, statements:

"Holy shit, Joe, there's a whole big bunch of buffalo comin' this way!"

"Look at that bunch of whales over there!"

"Colonel Custer, there's a bunch of Indians down in that valley."

"There'a a bunch of cattle down in the draw fer ya, Smokey."

"Gee, Dr. Fleming, that mold sure killed a bunch of bacteria, didn't it?"

"Saw a bunch of elk jist over the rise this mornin'."

"Be careful -- they've got a bunch of nasty dobermans."

"Wow, a whole bunch of leperchauns right in my own back yard!"

Inanimate things come in "crocks" or "buckets" and even sometimes in "bunches":

"They've had a bunch of bad luck lately."

"That's a crock of manure!"

"Buddy, you've just got yourself a whole bucket of trouble!"

"Henry, you're a crock, you know that?"

"That damn bunch of leperchauns left a a crock of...stuff...in my backyard, the dirty spalpeens!"



Well, that's settled once and for all.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:32 PM

You say so, mano. But there is this one exception . . .

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:36 PM

And this guy.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:40 PM

BUT, it now seems you are right, Rapaire. SEE HERE.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:42 PM

Left to Right: Standing, Bill Carver and Harvey Logan ("Kid Curry")
Seated, Harry Longbough ("the Sundance Kid"), Ben Kilpatrick ("the Tall Texan"), Robert Leroy Parker ("Butch Cassidy")

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 11:06 PM

Just to add a bit of thread creep -- did you know that Robert Leroy Parker was the scion of a good Mormon family from Utah? That's just an interesting tidbit, it actually says nothing about the LDS Church one way or another. Orrin Porter Rockwell was lots worse.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 11:10 PM

The Destroying Angel indeed.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: jimmyt
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:51 PM

Slight thread creep, but why in the hell is Thousand Island Dressing called THousand Island Dressing? I understand Italian and French and Ranch and Blue Cheese and Russian but Thousand Island? And why do they get to name a dressing? Why not the Lesser Antilles Dressing? Why not Micronesian Dressing? WHy not the Windward Islands Dressing? Am I smelling a conspiracy theory here?

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:54 PM

When I was growing up we were so poor we had to use Hundred Island Dressing.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:58 PM

"Thousand Island Dressing - It is made from bits of green olives, peppers, pickles, onions, hard-boiled eggs and other finely chopped ingredients.

The history of Thousand Island Dressing dates back to the early days of the 20th century and centers in the small resort village of Clayton, New York. A fishing guide named George LaLonde, Jr. guided visiting fishermen for Black Bass and Northern Pike through the waters of the 1000 Islands. After a day of fishing, he and his wife, Sophia LaLonde, would serve what they called "shore dinners" with a different and unusual salad dressing. The following story on the origin of Thousand Island Dressing was given to me by Allen and Susan Benas, owners of the Thousand Islands Inn:

The rest is here.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: jimmyt
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 09:21 PM

Why in the heck do we need a South Dakota and Carolina and a North Dakota and Carolina? Wouldn't it be much simpler to just have one each? Do we really need a choice?

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 09:25 PM

That's so ya don't get two State capitals in one State.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:09 AM

Bruce you're so erudite.
G ☺

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 06:40 PM

No, he ain't. Bruce likes girls!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:20 PM

Is THAT what he meant. Thought he'd implied my parents never married.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: jimmyt
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 11:52 PM

I thought Moses saw the Erudites worshiping the golden calf and threw down his Goldenrod tablet in disgust?

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 04:41 AM

Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir
So that every mouth can be fed
Poor me Erudite

My wife and my kids, they packed up and leave me
Darling, she said, I was yours to be seen
Poor me Erudite

Shirt them a-tear up, trousers is gone
I don't want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde
Poor me Erudite

Think it might catch on? It sort of worked for Desmond Dekker and he never wore a merkin as far as I know.
G.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 06:17 PM

I thought that song was called "Me ears are alight" something to do with spontaneous combustion of dreadlocks........
But I am at present perfecting my own idea for gettin rich.


Wait for it........



Its...................    Self Adhesive Body Jewellery!
I got this idea of having stick-on gold coins to be placed around the female genitalia.
This has three distinct advantages.
1. No piercing necessary.
2. It provides a sign post to backward males.
3. Ideal for men who have always wished to come into money!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 06:28 PM

Wasn't Erudite a Greek playwright? Died about 2500 years back?

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: jimmyt
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 08:18 PM

Gin run out or do you just have too much time on your hands Deadhorse? Come to think about the idea.........I will have my people talk to your people!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 09:06 PM

"Self Adhesive Body Jewellery!
I got this idea of having stick-on gold coins to be placed around the female genitalia.
This has three distinct advantages.
1. No piercing necessary.
2. It provides a sign post to backward males.
3. Ideal for men who have always wished to come into money!"

Better give this more thought, Dead Horse.

If the men are backward . . . well, it's gotta be one hell of a wang with one helluva turn in it--108 degrees by my reconin'.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 09:06 PM

plus 72 degrees=180 degrees.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 07:01 AM

Brucie you are a maths whiz - but can you do it in digital?

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Peace
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 10:04 AM

Digital? Wot's digital? Is that like the prostate exam?

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 02:18 PM

Surgical adhesive. Works wonders.

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 12:04 AM

The whole point of the sign post is surely to provide direction for these poor unfortunate men
(and their even more unfortunate women)
Do I need draw a diagram ???

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 06:28 PM

I don't understand it. Is it something like when I played Doctor with the little girl next door and since she didn't have health insurance I tossed her out of the office?

Subject: RE: BS: JimmyT eat your heart out!!!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 11:20 PM

Thats it exactly me old mate.
Thats why NHS is pronounced nnnnnerrrrrrse!