The Healer - Criticism please

Subject: The Healer - Criticism please
From: GUEST,Member Fred
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 08:43 AM

Hi Folks! I am posting anon to get some frank feedback and criticism for a song, which I wrote a few weeks back. A lot of you have been kind about my stuff in the past, but I wanted to get some unbiased feedback on just the quality (or otherwise) of this effort. It is a bit different in style to anything I have put up before. If you think it is pretentious garbage, please go ahead and advise me to bin it. I have plenty of room in the bin - and it beats making a fool of myself on the next album!

                        The Healer

Here comes the healer with his gentle words of kindness
He doesn't know it all – he's never really sure
He has no remedy for deafness or for blindness
He sees and listens – he doesn't sell a cure
He sits and listens – they tell him of their sorrows
There's no prescription before it's time to part
Their truth seeps out – they face up to their tomorrows
And in the silence they listen to their heart

Here comes the healer with his quiet disposition
He bears no tribute to those who can't receive
He's no respecter of status or position
He humours no one to flatter or deceive
You cannot fool him as a wise guy or a chancer
He's heard it all before – and he can meet your stare
You only see him if you can face the answer
He looks straight through you and lays your soul all bare

Here comes the healer – he's quiet, strong and gentle
You trust him instantly – his firm and open hand
Tell him no drama – or story sentimental
You end up telling him much more than you had planned
No panacea, snake oil or magic potion
There are no magic spells or books upon his shelf
He holds the mirror until you have the notion
That you can look inside and start to heal yourself.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Gillie
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 08:49 AM

I like. Play on words of heal yourself. Bit like a counciler really.

Be good to hear the tune.

Regards,

Gillie

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 09:15 AM

I read the words, and the first thought I had was, "I've known this person." Please note, this was not a comment on the lyrics. There's a reason for that. At some point, you have to know that you're the only one who knows what you're doing and you're better at it than the critics. I can understand asking about the obviously rough spots though. I can't find any. Closest thing is that "No panacea, snake oil or magic potion" has a spare syllable or the emphasis will be on 'oil', which is a bit strange. However, I can't think of anything better, and I suspect you'll fit it all in nicely in the singing.

Personally, I'd like a chorus or a bridge. Something to state the bl**ding obvious and tie the verses together. The song doesn't NEED this, though. Everyone (I'd guess) will remember someone in their lives that this song describes. Sometimes they write songs.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: mack/misophist
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 09:18 AM

It's a bit pretentious; too much like hero worship. People who really are like this (although many feign to be) are vanishingly rare.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: *daylia*
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 09:35 AM

I like it, Fred. I don't find it pretentious at all - but maybe you could make it a bit less gendered? "Shes" can be great healers too ....

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: oldhippie
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 09:47 AM

Once you record it, I'll need a copy for airplay!

I find it very powerful, however I agree with the gender comment. Perhaps the middle verse could be written as "she" - thus the song would reflect the possibility of there being more than one healer. Then you would have to consider whether to make the last verse "they" to reflect both the male and female healers, or leave it as "he".

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 09:56 AM

You mean sort of like this?

The Healer

Here comes the healer with gentle words of kindness
Doesn't know it all – and is never really sure
Has no remedy for deafness or for blindness
Sees all and listens – but doesn't sell a cure
Sits there and listens –as they tell of all their sorrows
There's no prescription before it's time to part
Their truth seeps out – as they face their tomorrows
And in the silence they listen to their heart

Here comes the healer with such quiet disposition
Bearing no tribute to those who can't receive
Never respectful of status or position
Humouring no one to flatter or deceive
Cannot be fooled as a wise guy or a chancer
Having heard it all before – can always meet your stare
Can only be seen though if you can face the answer
Looks straight through you and lays your soul all bare

Here comes the healer – who's quiet, strong and gentle
Gains trust instantly – with firm and open hand
Telling of no drama – or story sentimental
You end up telling so much more than you had planned
No panacea, snake oil or magic potion
There are no magic spells or books upon his shelf
Holding the mirror until you have the notion
That you can look inside and start to heal yourself.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 10:01 AM

Last verse.....There are no magic spells or books upon THE shelf.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Bee
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 10:01 AM

Maybe a little nature imagery, or rural or small town reference to further seperate the healer from professionals and reveal him/her as a friend? Note: I am no songwriter!

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 10:58 AM

I like the gender resolution georgiansilver posted.

You probably didn't mean it to be like this, and I do NOT mean it as a criticism because I like some "rap" but in my mind I *heard* it spoken out like rap. Maybe it's the cadences. I found myself hurrying on with a certain rhythm the words brought out. I probably need to hear it with a tune.:-)

He looks straight through you and lays your soul all bare "all" feels unnecessary to me.

Thanks for sharing,

kat

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 01:24 PM

I like the words - would love to hear the tune.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Jim Lad
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 01:53 PM

Reminds me of Don Maclean's "Sister Fatima" but only in subject matter not the actual content. It's relevant and reads well. What's not to like? Trust yourself on this one Fred.
Regards
Charlie

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: GUEST,member Fred
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 02:05 PM

You know, I had hardly posted it, when I realised someone would comment on it being all male. I don't particularly think of healers as being male, neither do I think of mankind as being male. If I were personifying mankind, I would probably take the word "he" rather than "it". For something mechanical I'd use "she"... It is not a conscious thing. I think maybe I will go for verse one as "he", verse two as "she" and verse three as "they". It would give the song a bit of dramatic development too.
Thanks for all your interest and comments so far.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Bee
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 02:20 PM

Ack!

"If I were personifying mankind, I would probably take the word "he" rather than "it". For something mechanical I'd use "she"... It is not a conscious thing."

Fred, I know you didn't think about that while posting it. Women don't want to be harping on language allatime, but sometimes it just shouts out for thumping. It's an English problem, French is better, I think, with gendered everything.

But I think your solution is a good one, for the song.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 06:10 PM

Many apologies for being dim, but can someone explain what this song is trying to say. I think that there's a meaning which I don't 'get'

Thank you

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: mg
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 07:04 PM

I liked it and I liked the idea that the healer was male when the perception might be that more females would be so I would leave it as male. That is the way you wrote it and it came to you and of course I hate changing stuff once it is written.

Snake oil...has been found to have truly healing properties so I wouldn't put that in though...said to be used by Chinese laborers for all their pains while building railroads etc. mg

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 07:38 PM

I don't mind the masculine pronouns. I'd also say the female pronouns would be OK. If someone wrote a song full of she and her, I wouldn't tell them they should give equal time to males. You're writing the song for you, so be true to YOU.

If you do change it, I'd prefer the middle be female, then go back to male. Talking about a whole group of 'them' removes the personal, this-is-someone-real element. If anythng, I'd prefer it to be MORE personal, maybe by hinting at a memory. You had to have someone in mind when you wrote this, and you've praised the sort of person he is, but eliminated him.

One hazard of asking people for criticism is that some folks will tell you about the song they want you to write, not the one you wrote. Make the one you wrote the best it can be, but make sure it stays yours. Just my opinion. (Based partly on me asking for criticism once and getting "why didn't you write about THIS?," and "why didn't you say THIS?" I think that's THEIR song to write.

I suspect I'll like whatever you do, and I'd like to hear it someday too.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 07:46 PM

Good points, Jeri. I revise my early posting about the gender thing.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: KT
Date: 20 Jan 07 - 10:26 PM

wise words, Jeri. nice images, Fred.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Tig
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 07:18 PM

It rings very true. You must have come across a healer who works this way - I know I have. The pronouns matter not - the descriptions and sentiments do. I, too, would like to hear the tune that goes with it.

Hope your Healer understands and appreciates why you wrote it and that it gives others the confidence to believe.

Love and hugs
xxxx

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 07:27 PM

I have known this Healer and would be proud to send her a copy of this when it is recorded.
SINS

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Jeri
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 07:41 PM

It just reminds me of someone I met, who was on Mudcat for a bit. It was after Rick had died, and I started talking to this person, and the way he listened, it was almost magic. It was pure power. He pulled whatever it was out of me by doing nothing but listening, and it was a lot more than just letting me talk and making appropriate noises at appropriate times. I think he let me babble, asked some questions and sorted through all those words for what I was really saying. I've met some good listeners, but only a very few were so skilled at it that I instantly trusted them. There's the listening, but also really, really paying attention with an open mind, and a real love for people in general.

I'd be curious to know what your inspiration for this song was, Member Fred.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Tinker
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 07:54 PM

It paints a wonderful picture of a person who each of us should be blessed to meet when we most need them. It strikes me that the pronouns don't matter as each person will see the one they identify with regardless of the pronouns. Gender could be changed at any time without damage to the heart of the song.

tinker

I keep editing this line to this -- but I can't give you a reason.. BG

No panacea, magic pill or potion

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Songster Bob
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 09:40 PM

[My comments and suggestions in brackets:]

                   The Healer

Here comes the healer with his gentle words of kindness
He doesn't know it all – he's never really sure
[I'm not sure about the "never really sure." You mean, I think, that he IS sure that on one person knows all the answers, but it bothers me that he "doesn't know." Is there another way to say this?]
He has no remedy for deafness or for blindness
He sees and listens – he doesn't sell a cure
He sits and listens – they tell him of their sorrows
[You repeat "and listens" – do you need to? Also, who are "they?" It's OK to say that "he" is "the healer," but it bothers me to have "they" come out of nowhere. It's picky, but I am that kind of critic, I guess.]
There's no prescription before it's time to part
Their truth seeps out – they face up to their tomorrows
And in the silence they listen to their heart
[Can you make it more obvious that the healer is WHY they "face up to … tomorrows," etc.? It almost looks like the healer isn't really part of the answer here.]

Here comes the healer with his quiet disposition
He bears no tribute to those who can't receive
[Meaning of "no tribute"? And who are "those who can't receive?"]
He's no respecter of status or position
He humours no one to flatter or deceive
You cannot fool him as a wise guy or a chancer
He's heard it all before – and he can meet your stare
You only see him if you can face the answer
He looks straight through you and lays your soul all bare

Here comes the healer – he's quiet, strong and gentle
You trust him instantly – his firm and open hand
Tell him no drama – or story sentimental
You end up telling him much more than you had planned
[I'd make that read differently. Having it that you don't tell him drama or sentiment puts a limit on you, when it's better to say that NO MATTER how dramatic or sentimental your tale, he won't let you avoid opening up.]
No panacea, snake oil or magic potion
[Suggest: "No snake oil panacea or mystic magic potion."]
There are no magic spells [in the] books upon his shelf
He holds [up] the mirror until you have the notion
That you can look inside and start to heal yourself.
[Note here that the healer is the cause of your healing, but earlier it wasn't clear (first stanza).]

[I like this, despite some of the picky things I noted above. I'm not sure how it will work – the tune will be important to making it a "keeper" or just a nice lyric. Someone suggested a chorus or bridge, and I agree that some change in the rhythmic pattern would be very helpful.]

Bob Clayton

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jan 07 - 09:43 PM

It is a really good piece of writing, Fred. As per Songster Bob's remark, I agree. It's a song, and so the melody/chords will be crucial. However, if the melody/chords are as good as the lyrics, it's a keeper for sure. Congratulations.

Subject: RE: The Healer - Criticism please
From: Bill t' bodger
Date: 22 Jan 07 - 01:15 PM

I have read "the Healer" a few times now and all the differing opinions about how to change or improve it, DON'T!

I understood the sentiment of the song straight away and know some one who fits the role of healer as you wrote it even though she is definitely female I would not change the song at all

some of the changes suggested by others especially Bob would turn it into something pretentious on the part of the healer, I know true healers are not pretentious or preachy, they just do things naturally to help others, how they do it is not important what matters is they CAN BRING ABOUT CHANGES IN OTHERS and help people

Love and light Bill t'Bodger