Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Seth from Olympia Date: 08 Dec 01 - 11:48 PM My daughter recently brought home a book from the library entitled "Greasy,Grimy, Gopher Guts" which has all this stuff and more(and more and more....) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: pavane Date: 08 Dec 01 - 04:52 PM Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet her knickers all tattered and torn It wasn't the spider That sat down beside her But little boy blue with his horn |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Bluegrass Granny Date: 08 Dec 01 - 11:59 AM Mary had a little lamb She tied him to a heater And every time he turned around He burned his little peter! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: wysiwyg Date: 08 Dec 01 - 11:51 AM There goes the PC-- Up we go into the wild blue yonder CRASH! Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, CRIPPLED! ~S~ |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 08 Dec 01 - 10:57 AM Mary had a little watch, She swallowed it one day. The doctor gave her Ex-Lax To pass the time away. Mary took the Ex-Lax, But the time it would not pass, So if you want to know the time, You can look up Mary's aunt, who has a watch too. Cf.: Of all the fishes in the seas, The strangest is the bass. It climbs into the tops of trees And slides down on its hands and knees To frolic in the grass. That, however, was probably composed by a grownup. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Souter Date: 08 Dec 01 - 03:40 AM I always heard Miss Mary had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell Miss Mary went to heaven, but the steamboat went to... but we ended it Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies The boys are in the bedroom, Pulling down their Flies are in the bedroom, bees are in the grass Not sure how we ended it, my (foster) sister can make it REALLY dirty at the end. Unfortunately, I can't remember the words. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 08 Dec 01 - 12:03 AM Two Irishmen, two Irishmen were digging in a ditch, And one called the other a dirty son of a Peter Murphy, Peter Murphy, sitting on a dock. Along came a bumblebee and stung him on the Cocktail, ginger ale, five cents a glass. If you do not like it, you may ram it up your Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. If you get hit with a pail of shit, please close your eyes. *Almost* equally weak. %^) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Mark Cohen Date: 07 Dec 01 - 10:32 PM Oops, too many line breaks! Sorry. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Mark Cohen Date: 07 Dec 01 - 10:30 PM Sharon, I don't know what part of Philly you grew up in, but in the Northeast in the early 60s we said: My mother and your mother were hanging out clothes My mother punched your mother right in the nose What color was the blood? (Etc.) Then there was this one: Lulu had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell Lulu went to heaven And the steamboat went to Hello Operator, get me Number 9 If you disconnect me I'll kick you in the Behind the refrigerator There was some broken glass Lulu stepped upon it And broke her little Ask me no more questions I'll tell you no more lies Lulu was a Girl Scout And a Girl Scout never lies. (I always thought the ending on that one was a bit weak, but that's the way I heard it.) Aloha, Mark |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: AliUK Date: 07 Dec 01 - 09:31 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill To get a roll of cheese. Jack came down with a grin on his face and his trousers round his knees. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Bill D Date: 07 Dec 01 - 09:22 PM Mary had a little watch, She swallowed it one day. And so she took some castor oil To pass the time away..... ..But the time it would not pass, So if you want to know the time, Just look up Mary's......Uncle Charlie, he has a VERY nice Grandfather's clock which keeps perfect time. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Barracuda Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:33 PM to: Dharmabum I see London I see France I see teacher's underpants Are they blue or are they pink, I don't know but they sure stink! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: SharonA Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:32 PM Variation of "enny-meeny-miney-moe" for choosing the person who will be "It" for a playground game: (potential "Its" gather in a circle) My mother and your mother had a big fight. My mother knocked your mother clean out of sight. What color blood came out, red or blue? (At this point, the person to whom the speaker is pointing must choose "red" or "blue") R-E-D spells red (or B-L-U-E spells blue) And you are not go-ing to be "It." (At this point, the person to whom the speaker is pointing leaves the circle and the rhyme starts again) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Barracuda Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:31 PM |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Ivan Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:22 PM Jessie McGuire she pee'd in the fire The fire was too wee so she peed in the sea The sea was too wide so she peed in the Clyde And a' the wee fishes swam up her backside (Scottish early fifties) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: running.hare Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:01 PM "we break up we break, we dont care if school blows up, the'll be no mre english, no more french, no more sitting on the old school bench. If the teacher interfears, hang her up & box her ears, If that does not do the trick, Dinamite will do it Quick. Teacher teacher on the chair, I can see your underwear, Is it black or is it white? Ohh my god it's dinamite." (the only problem out 1st school teachers had with that was they made us sing "gosh" rather than "god" I'm sure I'll think of more later :¬) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Gervase Date: 07 Dec 01 - 07:59 AM Mary had a litle pig And it was always grunting. She tied it to a five-bar gate And kicked its little head in Dinah, Dinah, show us your leg, A yard above your knee.. ...One red one, one white one, And one with a bit of shite on, And the hairs on her dickey-di do Came down to her knee... Bloody hell, those came back wafting back down the back passage of my memory like a bad smell! Micca's right, though - the Opies are the best starting-off point for anything like this. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dharmabum Date: 07 Dec 01 - 07:32 AM This was a big hit in 3rd grade.
Scabs Sandwiches
Scabs sandwiches with puss on top
Teacher Teacher I declare
I see Paris I see France DB. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,T.C Date: 07 Dec 01 - 06:58 AM Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? Never you mind you nosey Bastard? Little Jack Horner Sat in the corner Because he had a square arse! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Hrothgar Date: 07 Dec 01 - 12:08 AM Nothing like sectarian bigotry: From the Catholic school kids to the state (that's public, non-sectarian) school kids - Catholics, Catholics, ring the bell, While the States march to hell. The response - Catholics, Catholics, aitting on a log Eating the belly out of a frog. There are more. I'll work on it. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: ddw Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:51 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill Each with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with two and a half Don't think they went up for water |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Abby Sale Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:30 PM That last Guest was me, unsigned, for some reason. But now I'm resigned. Ah, many good memories coming back but already posted. We had as a last line for the same Jack & Jill: Did you thing they went up for water? Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, Eating her sister. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:21 PM My favorite for rhyming-it-like-it-is was: Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells And one fucking petunia. I think most all were like that - just a take on a known rhyme, nothing all new. Maybe I'll remember a few more. Yes, Opie is excellent and Randolph's Pissing in the Snow has a number, too. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:51 PM Curmudgeon: A fuller version:
Long and thin goes too far in |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: ddw Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:40 PM
Little Miss Muffet
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
Little Jack Horner
|
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Mark Cohen Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:16 PM Mary had a little lamb The doctors were surprised But when Old MacDonald had a farm They nearly shit a brick Aloha, Mark |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: curmudgeon Date: 06 Dec 01 - 09:29 PM Long and thin goes too far in And doesn't please the ladies. Short and thick will do the trick And bring out proper babies. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Giac Date: 06 Dec 01 - 08:39 PM Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And she mashed the bastard with a spoon. Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And said, "What's in the bowl, bitch?" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Morticia Date: 06 Dec 01 - 08:35 PM Ding dong dell, pussy's in the well But we put disinfectant in So we don't mind the smell |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Hawker Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:48 PM Another Mary one - Mary had a little sheep With that sheep she went to sleep The sheep turned out to be a ram... Mary had a little lamb! I know one about a vampire called Mabel, but its not very nice at all!!!!! Nice to see you all again - had a virus!!!!! Lucy |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Barracuda Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:28 PM to Keltik: But I had a straw so I ate it all! I remember a jump rope rhyme: Cinderella dressed in Yella Went downtown to see her fella On the way her girdle busted How many people were disgustd 1 - 2 - 3 etc. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Nigel.Parsons Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:22 PM Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candle stick Alas poor Jack should've jumped higher Goodness Gracious, great balls of fire Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear, I've often seenher little lamb, But I've never seen her bare! Mary had a little bear, She treated it so kind, And everywhere that Mary went, You'd see her bare behind! Mary had a little dress, The skirt was split in half. And every step that Mary took, The boys would see her calf. Mary had another dress, Split right up the front.. But she didn't wear that one! Nigel Parsons |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: bill\sables Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:17 PM A couple I remember were; Old mother Reily had a fine cow To milk it to milk it she never knew how She pulled it's tail instead of it's tit And old mother Reily got covered in shit Old King Cole was a merry old soul He played with his soldiers in bed But when he was tired of his majors and generals He played with his privates instead Rule Britania marmalade and jam Five Chinese crackers up your arse hole Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Bill |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: lady penelope Date: 06 Dec 01 - 06:55 PM Gooey, gooey custard Snot and bogey pie All mixed together with a dead dog's eye Put it in the oven And bake it nice and quick And wash it all down with a cool cup of sick! Ah, primary school poetry. My alternative Mary rhyme...........
Mary had a little lamb TTFN M'Lady P. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 06 Dec 01 - 06:46 PM Nebuchadnezzar, the king of the Jews, Pulled off his stockings, but left on his shoes. Old Mr Kelly had a pimple on his belly. His wife cut it off, and it tasted like jelly. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children -- she didn't know what to do, evidently. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school. We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule. We have battered down the office door and killed the principule. The brats are marching home. Glory, glory hallelujah! Teacher hit me with a ruler. I hit her on the bean with a rotten tangerine, And the juice came trickling down. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Sorcha Date: 06 Dec 01 - 06:31 PM Good grief--you guys know all kinds of badnastyshit, don't you? All I can remember is: Here comes the bride, Big, fat and wide.........there is more, I think. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: The Walrus Date: 06 Dec 01 - 06:08 PM Little boy sits at the foot of the stairs, Clutched in his little hand, little brown hairs, Oooh look, What's that on the mat? Christopher-Robin's just doctored the cat. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Keltik Date: 06 Dec 01 - 05:11 PM from the mid 70's in maryland....
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
|
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Micca Date: 06 Dec 01 - 05:04 PM Lttle Willie from his mirror licked the Mercury right off Thinking in his childish error ,it would cure the Whooping cough At his funeral his mother brightly said to Mrs Brown "'twas a chilly day for Willie when the Mercury went down" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Arbuthnot Date: 06 Dec 01 - 04:58 PM I'll put a real post in later; needs to be composed off line because I know a lot of relevant stuff, but -
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, - Judge Dread (Big Six) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: WickedLad Date: 06 Dec 01 - 04:54 PM LITTLE WILLIE Little Willie hung his sister She was dead before we missed her "Willie's always up to tricks, Ain't he cute? He's only six," Little Willie, in the best of sashes, Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes. By and by the room grew chilly, But noone liked to poke up Willie
and
TIS SWEET TO ROAM |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Liz the Squeak Date: 06 Dec 01 - 04:22 PM Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play, He kissed them as well, he's funny that way! or
Hey diddle diddle, the cat did a piddle Ah, lovely days! LTS |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 03:24 PM Or even bugged me:-O |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 03:23 PM Mrs G came up with the goods as usual -
Nebuchadnezzar the King of the Jews Glad about that - it would have bigged me all night! Cheers DtG |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: wysiwyg Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:31 PM One day Hardi's mind slipped a cog, and out came: Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider and climbed up inside her and said what a good boy am I. There is a certain logic to it, and almost a music post, if you think about it. ~S~ |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:30 PM Ahhhh - thats the one weepiper! But it does have more. Memory in overdrive... When the swearing began to stop... No! Gone again! Anyone else know it? Just looked up the spelling in my old encyclopedia btw - Nebuchadnezzar or Nebuchadrezzar. He was , apparantly, 'the greatest of the Babylonian kings.' I never knew that! Cheers DtG |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: weepiper Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:18 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jill forgot to take her pill and now she's got a daughter. Dave the Gnome, my Nan used to sing me the Nebuchudnezzar (sp?) one, I remember it as: Nebuchudnezzar the king of the Jews Bought himself a pair of shoes When the shoes began to wear Nebuchudnezzar began to swear, swear, swear, swear... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:11 PM Well, they ain't exactly circulating on the schoolyards, but for sheer stupid and nasty, it's hard to beat Andrew "Dice" Clay with immortals like:
Jack be nimble Others from his "act" are HERE The only one of his that I know for a fact WAS making the schoolyard rounds at least 40 years ago is a bit different than listed there. I remember it quite well:
Old Mother Hubbard Spaw
|
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:08 PM Bear in mind of course that kids can be, as the title suggests, nasty little buggers! I guess we knew no better then though. Some of the rhymes would be very un-pc today and if I heard my kids saying them they would get a clip round the lug'ole! (Well, not now - they are bigger than me;-)) The reason I mention it is that I just remembered these as well -
And the lord said unto Moses That also brought to mind another biblical classic (hopefully not as insulting!)
I saw Esaw, sitting on a see-saw and the clasic monologue about Daniel that I think has already been discussed on this forum (Shot! Shouted Daniel. Shit! Shouted the King. And in those days the Kings words were his commands so ten thousand arseholes ponted in an easterly direction...) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 01:52 PM My brother Billy had ten foot Willy and he showd it to the girl next door She thought it was a snake and she hit it with a rake and now it's only five foot four.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Mary had a little lamb
One-two-three alera
Anna-Maria peed on the fire Eeeeeh - good old days. Those were genuine Salford 1950/60's. I know others but I think I know them bu 'osmosis' from Oldham tinkers albums! I'll see what else I can dredge up. One I can remember the start of was Nebukanezer the king of the Jews, bought his wife a pair of shoes but it stops there! I remember my sister skipping to it. Cheers Dave the Gnome |
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