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Ever had one of those years?
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Ever had one of those years? |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Naemanson Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:33 AM I have stood at the bridge rail and considered the gulf that lies beyond it more than once in my life. There have been times when that seemed to be the only viable alternative to the pain. But I am still here. Kendall is right, you have to get out and do something, anything. Get out among people and talk with them, sing with them and feel with them. Reading through this thread seems to put my own pain, of this year and of previous uears in perspective. None of my loved ones have died recently. My children are healthy and getting on with their lives. I am not mortal enemies with anyone (that I know of). I will someday be in love again. I have the Mudcat. I should be happy. Maybe that is in my future too. If I cross the bridge rail I will never know. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Allan C. Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:16 AM A radio talk show host always ends his show by saying, "They never said it shoud be easy..." and I know he is right. Life is HARD! More than a century ago this was recognized in "The Housewife's Lament" Life is a trial and love is a trouble Beauty will fade and riches will flee Pleasures they dwindle and prices they double And nothing is as I would wish it to be. Getting discouraged is part of life. Raising yourself out of that valley of discouragement is one of the things that makes life feel good. It doesn't really make life any easier; but the change in attitude makes it seem so. Having friends who care helps to create the climate for such a change. I hope you are finding this to be so. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:09 AM Nothing is good or bad..thinking makes them so..Wm Shakespere |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Jeri Date: 14 Nov 00 - 08:56 AM Outside forces (other people, circumstances, events, etc) can affect what happens to us, but our attitudes are within our control. Someone around here once said "it's not about having the things you want, it's about wanting the things you have." Some folks (or all of us at one time or another) get tunnel visiion - they're so focused on a set of things involving failure that they can't see the successes. Maybe those successes aren't important to them, but if you desperately keep wanting to succeed at something that hasn't worked in the past, maybe it's time to find something it's within your power to succeed at, and go do it. Or at least (a la "It's a Wonderful Life") look at the good stuff that happened while you were paying attention to the bad stuff. I know people who have had all kinds of crap happen to them and they're happy. I've known others who have a few bad things happen in a mostly (from my point of view) happy life, and start thinking about bridges. I think the difference between attitudes has a lot to do with whether the person focuses on what they have the power to change, or what fate has wrought. Please note, I am not talking about clinical depression. No one or no thing can make a person want to live - only that person can do it, and that person has to want to make the effort to find something to make him/her happy and go for it. Khandu, my personal philosophy (your mileage may vary) is that "the good fight" is making ones self happy. Sometimes holding your ground is a success, since it's the nature of things to fall apart. Look at the little successes - sometimes we can't see the trees for the forest. And "keep on keepin' on," because sometimes that's what gets us to a place where the path ahead will be a bit clearer. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 14 Nov 00 - 08:40 AM Last Friday, I was feeling unnecessary, as I often do, but, I headed for NOMAD anyway. I had driven 50 miles or so, constantly feeling that maybe I should just return home. It was raining, and life sucked. Something drove me on, and, I'm really glad it did. I had a great time. It's always a pleasure to spend time with the "Washington Mafia" and Sandy & Caroline, Dick Greenhaus and his parodies etc. Jon, If you isolate yourself, you are going to feel even worse, because you will energize the thought. Such feelings feed on themselves. The solution is..DO something! (Wellbutrin helps) |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Gervase Date: 14 Nov 00 - 05:49 AM Musicman, I used to send my wsife crazy when things seemed at their lowest ebb by breaking into a few bars of "Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky/ you mustn't cry and you mustn't sigh/spread a little happiness as you go by" - another 40s number called, I think, Mr Cinders. But khandu, life isn''t easy, and at times it can seem particularly shitty. But the fact that you're here, and that people here care for you, is a damned fine reason for staying away from that bridge! And, speaking personally, there's always something pretty vacant and bland about people who are perpetually bloody cheerful. Take the cabinet-maker's view and think of yourself as like a piece of fine timber, say a well-figured piece of walnut. What makes it so fine is that all the grain and figuring is the result of years of adverse conditions; each showing a storm weathered or a season endured. Growing in perfect conditions, the wood would be bland and dull, whereas life's knocks give it its character. At the time, life might seem shitty, even unbearable, but that very shittiness makes you a more interesting, rounded and human person. So, even when there seems to be nothing else you should still keep hopein your heart and cherish the affection of good friends who care, even if - like those here in the'Cat - you haven't met them yet in person. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Musicman Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:36 AM I used to sing a song at work...... a song from the 1940's or earlier, not sure... called "Painting the Clouds with Sunshine" Went something like this:
When I pretend I'm gay
I used to think that this was my theme song. I went through several years of high stresses which culminated in the loss of my best friend....... my wife........ leaving me to raise an 11yr old (at the time) daughter. She is now 13, and doing fairly well...... we both have had a rough time over the past several years, but we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (not a train!). It's taken time, focus, and most of all, allowing the moments to happen when they needed to happen. I think I took at least 5-6 months sick leave from work in one year, just because i wasn't able to do my job (Music therapist in a hospital). I finally ended up quitting that job. Not sure where I'm going with this.... maybe just to say.... sometimes we need to take the positive steps and create our future with determination and persistance... but allowing the moments when we have to recognize the past...... This is where your friends come in...... to listen, to distract... or just to be there.....
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Troll Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:34 AM You are not alone. We will all help if we can but you must believe that it can get better. Pain and hard times are a part of life and you have to accept it. It isn't personal. Life isn't out to get you, things just happen. But believe that it can get better. That's the key. troll |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Amergin Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:05 AM Pain, I am sad to say, cannot be stopped. Pain is what makes or breaks us. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Sorcha Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:03 AM Pain,so much pain I see here on Mudcat. So very much pain, and I am powerless to stop it......and that hurts so very much. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: CarolC Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:26 AM I would say it's been one of those lifetimes for me. Judging by external appearances, it looks like I haven't made much progress. However, when I look at my life objectively I can see progress that is of a nature that I had not anticipated, so I tend not to notice it as much as the lack of progress toward the goals that I thought I was working toward. I know that's convoluted but it really does make some kind of sense. Also, you're not alone in having a bad year this year. A lot of people have recieved comfort and solace in difficult circumstances through the kindness and loving support of the people here in the Mudcat. I am one of them. I was going through a bit of a really bad patch recently, and I asked if anyone in the Mudcat could give me a virtual hug. The response I got was incredibly heart warming and healing, and it did me wonders. My material and lifestyle circumstances are largely the same as they were before, but I feel less alone with them now. I hope you can get the help you need either here in the Mudcat, or from whatever other source is appropriate for you. I send you my best wishes and my hope that things will get better for you soon. Carol P.S. Please stay away from the bridge. I say this for purely selfish reasons. I treasure the people who make the Mudcat wonderful. I don't want to lose any of them. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:26 AM Leej, you're a miserable prick. I have said that kind of thing to Jon before and I wanted to say it again.....Now I'm stuck with "Ditto." I hate it when you're right.....Makes me question myself. But Jon, he is right. Feel free to be a drunken lunatic with us for as long as you like.........I think you're a helluva' guy and a good friend. Khandu, in the short time you've been here, and for what its worth, I've enjoyed you immensely and am really happy that you found us here. I know that's selfish, but that's the way I am. The only thing that bothers me about you is that you're really neat and are from Mississippi.........which effectively stops me from making all those Mississippi jokes I've been making for years. If I haven't said it before, Welcome to the 'Cat! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Lonesome EJ Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:07 AM to Jon Freeman...my friend,if indeed you are a "drunken lunatic" as you say,then I welcome lunacy,for you have always been one of the most kind,level-headed,and helpful people on the forum.You certainly have my respect. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Amergin Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:04 AM Yes, I have had one of those lives....things are a bit better now. My suggestion to you (which is also WW's suggestion) is that you find a very close friend you can talk to about such things and everytime you hear the siren's call, call that friend. It will save you. Deb, my girlfriend, made me promise her that I'd call her if I ever felt that way again (after an episode I told her about), and it works, it forces you to actually think about what you're doing instead of letting your emotions rule. Amergin |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Sorcha Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:54 AM Same camp as WyoWoman. I have had a year or more of the down stuff.......but I am trying hard to get over it. My problem is that I would apparently rather be down than up. It's so much easier to feel sorry for yourself when you're down. And being down/feeling sorry for yourself is so much easier than feeling up........and alchohol does not help. In real fact, it makes it worse. Feeling down does get to be a habit..........and you have to look hard for the good stuff, but it is there. It just takes a lot more effort to find it. Keep looking. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Ebbie Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:23 AM I was suicidal for a number of years. The only actual thing I know of that turned it around for me was making a choice. I even played the game of 'Act as if:' Act as if I'm happy, act as if I'm poised, act as if I like him or her, you get the idea. (Sometimes I still do that one, mainly because it works!) I remember the moment when I realized that my life had become not only bearable but downright interesting and enjoyable. A lot of it had to do with the sudden realization that I had as much right to be here on this earth as anyone else, that we'd all got here the same way. All my life I had felt embarrassed to be here. Mind you, I don't think I was suffering from clinical depression- I was chronically depressed to the point where I was afraid that if I started crying I might never stop but my depression had focal points and was not an all-pervasive blanket. Other than what I've read, I know nothing about cd but I sure hope that very soon clinical depression will be easily and swiftly successfully treated, because it certainly sounds like a chemical imbalance. In my case, I tell people now that I've tried being happy and I've tried being sad- and I prefer happy. So I'm happy, simple minded as it sounds. I don't know what the answers are- wish I did. But do please bear in mind that I feel for you, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that reaction. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: campfire Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:15 AM Well said WyoWoman. I was going to say I'm in the same camp, but I probably couldn't get the tent pitched. But I keep trying. When its really bad, I either walk - lots - with the dogs, or I carry on imaginary converations with the people I'm frustrated with. Sometimes both at once. campfire |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: WyoWoman Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:08 AM I agree with Bugsy. But seriously, folks... Yes, I've had some of the same experience. The conclusion I've come to is that there is no IS to life. It's all what we generate, for better or for worse. We can't control circumstances (Shit Happens), we can only say what our response to circumstances will be. Some days I'm better than others at rising to meet circumstances. But the only freedom I can see is in my own determination about whether or not I fight back or play or dance or roll with the punches or pull the covers over my head or give up and head for the bridge. So far, I mostly opt to fight back, play and dance. And when I'm feeling the bridge to be particularly alluring, I call a friend. And sometimes walk around my house pounding my fists on counters and tabletops and begging to know why the hell this is happening to ME???!!!??? And trying to let it out good and proper, so the anger and disappointment and fury can leave me and make room for what's more natural -- joy and pleasure. It's never a completely done deal, however. The wheel sometimes turns and there I am, with my nose in the mud again. And time to call a friend and make myself some more tearwater tea. When in doubt, create something. ww |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Bugsy Date: 13 Nov 00 - 11:34 PM |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Jon Freeman Date: 13 Nov 00 - 11:18 PM Yes khandu, I've had 13 such years in a row, except to say that I have seen progress in a backwards direction. Maybe one day someone will explain why to me but my reversal from being a respectable systems co-ordinator for Hotpoint to becoming a drunken lunatic coincided with me accepting Jesus Christ into my life - sort of the reverse of most peoples testimonies but it is the truth all the same. Like yourself, I try to say keep on going but I don't know why. Maybe one day it will all make sense. I hope so for both of us. Jon |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Allan C. Date: 13 Nov 00 - 11:17 PM Years ago I had a poster which hung in my bathroom. It featured Ziggy, the cartoon character. He was pictured seated on the toilet, staring at an empty toilet paper holder. The caption was, "Did you ever have one of those lives? At that time in my life lots of not very nice things were happening to me. It wasn't until years later that I was able to turn things around so that I was happening to life instead of life happening to me. I wish I could tell you what it was that made the difference. I can only extend the wish to you that you can find it. Soon, I hope. Best wishes, Allan |
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Subject: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST Date: 13 Nov 00 - 11:02 PM Yeah, one of those years when you fight the good fight with all you have to fight with; Grinding through the days that make up that year; keeping on keeping on, and...late one evening, it hits you. You have made no noticible progress at all. And you wonder what the hell was it all for. Ever have one of those years when the Tallahatchie bridge seems to call out to you? Well, I have and I am PISSED! But,what else to do but, keep on keeping on anyway. khandu |
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