BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 12:41 PM

69

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 10:27 AM

Three weeks in Australia, and I still ain't met Crocodile Dundee! Matter of fact, people around here seem to regard him as an embarassment for some reason. Well, the weather is great and the tropical fruit is great too. I am thinkin' of leaving Sydney and headin' into the interior. I got a feeling that's where the action really is. I'm gonna rent a jeep, get an aboriginal guide and check out the outback. I'm dyin' to see a real kangaroo that ain't in a zoo.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 02:39 AM

magenta could feel the vibes, the bad vibes. men everywhere, arguing with another, pushing each other round. she had had enough.

Magenta decided the only thing that made sense was to morph. to get back to her origins, to return, to the Old Country. Whatever strange things had happened to her, she knew the only thing to do was return to her people. The people of the old ways, who could heal her and help her.

She stood under the huge old gum tree in the back yard, and threw her long hair about her like a cloak. Under the Southern Cross, she trembled all over, a huge rippling goddess.

The gum tree stirred, the wind fluttering through its long, dangling grey green leaves, and suddenly, up high in the tree was a huge white owl, flapping its enormous wings.

It turned westward, a flew upwards, and onwards, across the starlit sky and back to the ancient forest of the Motherland.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Bleeding gums Boris
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 05:37 PM

Simon strolled at a leisurely pace towards the 4th old Moreton Bay Fig tree from the herb garden. He was a fine looking bloke for his vintage, long and lean, golden brown skin and green eyes, eyebrows like flapping magpies, distinguished long white beard, spiky mullet, and his pipe.

There was Frank, snoozing under the tree, his hat draped across his face, backpack being used as a pillow.

"Eh, Albatrossy, wake up!" (Simon calls all his mates Albatrossy)

Frank sat up with a start, waving his hands about and shouting "get the hell off"

bad dreams, thought Simon, this man having bad dreams.

As he got up and smoothed his hair back, Daintree Frank felt something wet on his throat. Touching it, he looked at his fingers to see...

blood.

Jeez, the mozzies are bad today, he thought.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 08:47 AM

Simon was so thrilled with his invention, that he contacted Daintree Frank via ham radio, and they had a long conversation about the possibilities inherent in a new species of dope. They even talked about copywriting the plant - if those big genetic engineering companies could copywrite corn, well, then maybe Simon and Frank could copywrite their new plant. the only thing was to give it the right name, one that would   bring it to the attention of the potential millions of customers that could be interested.

Simon was already visualising the houses he would own in Hawaii, Alberta and Maleny. And the extensive influence he could wield over politicians - this, thought Simon, was his ticket to finally solving the Middle East crisis.

Martin Gibson and CarolC were not so sure, but they figured anything was worth a try.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 08:35 AM

Frank had been lying in the sun for some time. Where the hell was Simon? they had a special project, a furtive undertaking, and very high hopes.

Frank and Simon had a secret new plant that was under cultivation at the Botanic Gardens.

Bob Makinson, a boatnist from way back, and a folkie renowned for singing through his nose on the odd occasion, had created an amazing new plant, Grevillea Mudcatus, a grevillia that was unique in that it had long "whisker" stamens like a mudcat.

Simon, always interested in herbs and other natural things, had taken some of the Grevillea Mudcatus seeds and had combined them in a blender with some Cannibus Sativa and some mushrooms, and had dug them into a special spot underneath the oyster plants. Simon made sure they were well watered and cared for, and to his surprise, up grew a strange looking new plant, with long thin green leaves like, well, like an open hand, and fine whisker-like fronds emitting from the flowers.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 10:24 AM

Avocados and mangos. Yum! That got me thinkin'. I watched the strange little guy havin' his lunch and my stomach started to growl. This hangin' out in the trees wasn't bad, but I needed food, specifically, fruit, so I left the park behind and found a grocery. They got a great selection of fruit in Australia. This would be a good place for apes to emigrate to if it wasn't for the political attitudes. I loaded up on the best stuff I could find. Then I looked around some and got myself a cheap room at the outskirts of town, not far from the ocean. I needed to make some preparations indoors...with some 50 caliber ammo. I knew Vlad was impervious to bullets, but I didn't think he'd be so impervious to slugs soaked in garlic juice! No sir. They might not kill him...but he would sure wish he was dead when they hit him! Ha!

After preparin' five hundred rounds in this fashion and oilin' up the gun, I went out to get a better look at Sydney. Nice place for a short vacation.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 04:55 AM

Daintree Frank is a slim, elfin, sun bronzed, leathery skinned old hippie from up north, the Daintree. He lives in an old wooden house facing onto a beach, in the far remote north. A rainforest is his backyard, the beach his home, and the wild, open ocean his orchestra.

To the dance of the stars, the pull of the moon, and the supreme gaze of the sun, the ocean throbs and recedes, crashes and dumps, through day and night, washing a wet rhythmic chorus behind Daintree Frank's fine tremolo tenor. His voice is like a piccolo, high, tremulous, vibrating.

Today, Frank was in Sydney, meeting up with Simon under the 4th old Moreton Bay Fig tree from the herb garden. Sitting between the tree's vast wooden roots, straddling the tree and earth like huge thighs, Frank opened his lunchbox. Inside was a brown rice salad, peppered with sunflower seeds, pine nuts and finely chopped celery. Alonside was an avocado, mango and chilli salsa. Frank was so busy eating, he didnt feel the eyes watching him.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM

It might be time to let you all in on a state secret.
Don’t look at me like that, I swore to keep it secret until death.
I don’t think I need keep it anymore.

This isn’t my first trip to Australia.
Okay so that isn’t a surprise to you.
My last trip to Australia was many years ago but apparently what
happened back then is still in the national memory.

It was shortly after the end of WWII. The U.S. government had been sifting through what it could of the remains of Hitler’s memoirs and research programs. I guess it’s no secret that he was very interested in the occult. Some of what he uncovered was already well known as fact or regarded as pure fantasy and myth. Unfortunately for every known there were a certain amount of unknowns. The Australian Aboriginal beliefs of the Dream Time had largely gone unaddressed by the scholarly world. What Hitler was looking for, or what he might have actually found was one of the unknowns. I as a young scholar with military research and my much older partner
were sent down under to look into matters and also try to uncover any remaining agents from the reich that might still be active.

I know that all sound like bunk but after the war we all wanted to stamp out any remnants of the reich no matter how absurd they might be. Nobody wanted to take any chances that someone might pop-up with something dangerous and restart the madness.

So I found myself in the wilderness of the outback hunting down Nazis, collaborators and any information I could about Dream Time.

Unfortunately we weren’t the only ones that were interested. Shortly after we arrived, and generally right before interviewing a suspect we’d find that person dead. At first it was merely an annoyance but after the bodies started piling up the public began to worry about having a serial killer amongst them. It didn’t help that some of the deaths were pretty bizarre and due to the work we were doing the details had to be considered secret. If the Aussies had know that the murderer was just after Nazi agents they might not have gotten so concerned.

And this of course is where Vlad comes into the mix. Of course at the time we didn’t know the murderer was a vampire and to this day I still haven’t been able to determine if he was working for someone or had his own agenda. My partner decided that we should stake out a few of our suspects the night before we were actually supposed to be interviewing them. We suspected that there was a leak somewhere in the chain and that moving before we were supposed to might let us catch the murderer.

We almost didn’t get him that night. If it hadn’t been for a very young girl walking in on Vlad and his victim (her grandfather) and her subsequent scream we would have never known. We broke the door of the house down and stormed in guns drawn. There was blood everywhere around the corpse of the old man and there was Vlad, the little girl clutched against him as he drained her life. We didn’t bother trying to take him alive. We let him have it with what you might call extreme prejudice. Of course our bullets had no effect whatsoever. My partner became his third victim that night. Vlad tossed him around like a rag doll. He never stood a chance. I would have been the fourth but for the sunrise. I was found unconscious among the bodies. It took awhile for the government to get me off the hook. For some reason Vlad fled Australia. I guess he thought we’d actually be able to stop him with enough men and a few sharpened stakes.

I’ve been after him ever since.
That’s the story, believe me or not it doesn’t matter. Unless you were one of the few that Vlad hadn’t managed to kill.

I just found out about another unknown. Apparently along with great strength, morphing, and controlling night creatures, a vampire can feel the presence of other vampires. I can only assume that since I feel him, he also feels me. He doesn’t know necessarily that it is me of course but I can only guess what his course of action will be. The game just got a lot more interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 05:42 PM

Simon was meeting his old mate, Daintree Frank, for a catch up and a bit of a bong. It was Thursday, at the usual spot, underneath a huge Moreton Bay Fig tree. Frank would be along in a while, so Simon decided to curl up under the tree and have a little snooze..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 09:05 PM

Got the garlic buds, and juiced 'em. Phew! Powerful odour! This stuff is gonna come in real handy, though...

Then I went to the Royal Botanic Gardens and looked around. It's a beautiful place, not far from that famous opera house in Sydney. They got over 150 kinds of palm trees and some big cycads too. some of these trees are ancient. I couldn't resist climbing the biggest cycad in the bunch, and got a great view from up there. Man, it's times like that that I get nostalgic for the old days back in Africa, before I emigrated to America. You ever swing on a grapevine, you don't forget it. It's like ridin' a bike or blastin' off a 50 cal. clip from a tommygun. It stays in your blood.

What should happen then but the fat lady from the plane with the damn poodle, Desiree', shows up, and the poodle starts barkin' at me. The silly thing thinks it's got me treed! Fat chance. I start pitchin' stuff outa the tree at the little monster and it goes hysterical. This is fun! Just like when I was a kid.

The fat lady drags the dog away, shakin' her fist at me. Tough bananas, lady! I had to put up with your whining for 22 hours.

I ended up just hangin' out in the trees till dusk. It's easy to think up there. Sort of meditative.

Tomorrow I have got to find out more about Fresnelli's business contacts here...and find Magenta.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 07:11 PM

Gettin' through Aussie customs turned out to be easier than I expected, despite the weird looks. There seems to be some pretty heavy prejudice against simians here. I thought they were going to make trouble over the "violin", but no...they just waved me through when I showed 'em Fresnelli's business card. Interesting! He clearly had some powerful contacts in Sydney. Doin' what is the question...? I don't figger he was handin' out charitable donations to orphans or nothin' like that.

I tried to track down Magenta, but no success so far. She's out there somewhere. I can feel her presence wafting on the breeze like a haunting perfume. I intend to do some moonlighting here till I find her and I ain't got time to waste with Vlad on the prowl.

Sydney turns out to be a real nice town, and the weather's great here too. Lots of sun...not that that would appeal too much to Magenta at this point. The nights are beautiful with the sea breeze comin' in. I can see where a chimp would want to build himself a nice little treehouse in the country here and just settle in for a bit.

I am gonna go see the Royal Botanical Gardens today, but first I gotta buy a nice big bunch of garlic buds and extract the juice...

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:35 AM

It's only been a few days here in Australia (well okay, a few nights from my perspective) and already I'd like to be on the next flight home.

It's not that its not beautiful down under because it is, but already I've come close to serious harm several times.

I swear I was just minding my own business, hanging around as it were, and out of nowhere comes this black bundle of hair and legs with the worst attitude I've ever seen in a spider! So much for controlling children of the night. He (or she, I really didn't feel like getting an upclose look) chased me from one roost to another until I finally gave up and flew the coop (groan).

I tried the outdoor life, holed up in a gum tree. That's when the Kookaburas began screaming! Still it was probably a good thing since a snake was busily working it's way up and towards my roost!

I flew out of there so fast that I didn't pay attention to where I was going and ran into a tree and dropped into a pond. Apparently that was more than enough provocation for a duck billed beaver (I think it was a platypus) to come after me! So much for native hospitality!

Maybe a bit more civilization is what's called for. Maybe I can find a place at the opera house. I can't imagine that all of these poisonous animals would have much taste for opera.

Well,
No Worries!

Fresnelli

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 09:38 AM

The air hostess froze..

what on earth.. well, what in sky was that dark shape hanging from the ceiling? and that strange sound.. OOK OOK!


Chongo couldnt cope with that damn China Eastern airline seat any longer. It was about as big as an ice cream bucket and as hard as a doctor's waiting room seat. Fed up with the strain, he stretched one long arm up to the luggage rack, and with one haul, swung himself up, stretched across, and hung comfortably upside down from the ceiling, as a wave of gasps rushed down the eisle.

aaahh, that was better... not long now!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,amalia clawall
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:23 AM

Magenta knew that more than anything, she wanted Chongo. She needed his earthy warmth, his warm, embracing arms, and his strong, strong shoulders to sob into. Chongo, where are you?

the sounds of the Uileann pipes wailed through Magenta, through her blood and flesh, as she soobed and sobbed into the blood red sheets.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:18 AM

Magenta was whinging so much i was speechless for a moment...








before pondering on bloody women and their endless capacity for self pity.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:14 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,natasha smasher
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:12 AM

magenta closed the dust pink velvet curtains, and threw herself onto the soft large bed. as the light crept into the sky outside, magenta lay in the dark, listening to Cara's CD, "Long Forgotten" .. (http://www.carasmusic.com/)

Mikle Ryan's beautiful words and Oaklet's haunting fiddle soaked into her brain..

"A hard and cold December day
I walked the path with my own friend
Smelt the sweetness of tobacco on the breeze
along a long forgotten path.

What we become is what we choose
and who is to care if the past we lose
and throw their memory, into the wine to be
forgotten like them.

And through the milk-light of a dream
I saw a hand, extending kind
Calloused palm, broad fingers never ring-adorned
and felt a long forgotten touch..."

those words, who did they remind her of?

"I saw a hand, extending kind
Calloused palm, broad fingers never ring-adorned
and felt a long forgotten touch..."

a huge sigh rushed through Magenta's body like a crashing wave, and she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed into the pillow, a huge aching pouring into her chest as grief washed through her like a dark poison.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 08:33 PM

Arf! Arf! Yap!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:22 AM

Chongo had boarded the airliner with great anticipation. He had only flown on a few occasions and always found it to be a real thrill. You didn't see all that many primates on transoceanic flights because most of them didn't have that kind of money. Anyway, they preferred the banana boat to any other form of transportation. Chongo didn't have time to take a banana boat all the way to Australia.

He would have been quite intrigued to know that Detective Morgan and more than a few other cops were going nuts trying to figure out where the body of the late Vito Fresnelli had vanished to. He would have been even more intrigued to know that Fresnelli was riding in the cargo hold of the very same aircraft for which he had bought Chongo's first class ticket...in the form of a bat!

The fat lady in the seat across the aisle was obsessing endlessly about her beloved poodle "Desiree", which was apparently langushing in the cargo hold.

"I bet it's one of them spoiled, hysterical little canine nutcases," thought Chongo. "Good for nothin' but leopard bait!"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 05:44 PM

The flight to Australia could only be described as harrowing. Too many lay overs, and the whole way spent in the company of a yappy old miniature poodle that smelled like mothballs. The dog was too stupid to be scared! Towards the end it was extremely hoarse but it kept on trying to bark. I won't even mention the fact that it was incontinent and flatulent and every bark seemed to cause an equal and opposite reaction. I din't know whether I was going to sufficate or die laughing! All I can say is that the damn thing must have been hollow when we finally reached Australia.

But at last I am here and now can begin my hunt.

Yours,

Fresnelli

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 12:43 PM

Okay, so there is something more difficult than flying. Landing!
Note to self: try not to fly for extended periods as you start thinking like a bat! Changing back to human form while hanging upside down could be hazardous to your health!

Unfortunately I seem to be getting hungry and I know where that leads. Time to head it off before someone else ends up punctured and drained. The bloodbank probably has at least a few pints that can't be used because of possible contamination. What me worry? I'm already dead! It can't get much worse than that. I know what you're thinking and I'm just as disgusted. Please remember that this has been thrust upon me and I will see it to an end.

Checked the yellow pages. Theres one near the airport so I can dine and catch a flight. What? Fly all the way to Australia? I'm dead not crazy! I'll have to steal into the cargo bay in bat form and find a nice warm spot to hang (groan) until we get to Oz.

Found the place. New building with no windows that can be opened. Ventilation duct on top, can probably make it through in my current form. Don't even want to think about trying for a mist. I've never seen Vlad try it, it's probably an exageration. Whoa! Fan blades! That was a close shave (literaly). Got to be more careful. I might be dead already but it's not going to help being dead in little slices.

Let's try the front door shall we? Damn! Walked into the glass doors! Must be a light beam instead of a pressure mat. I guess no reflection means nothing to break the beam.

I must have made more noise than I intended. The security guard came out for a look around. A quick change and I'm through the door. I'll just wait for him to fall asleep behind his desk again and then it's a round on the house. I've got about five hours before the dawn flight out. It's probably pushing my (lousy) luck but hopefully I won't be too singed!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 06:23 AM

Magenta felt, well, battered.. Those damn sewing nights were such a bore. Hemming, quilting, embroidering truths.. Nostrils flaring, the change to nick out the back on toss back a quick mouse or two had been irresistable, if she hadn't tripped over the wheelbarrow n onto that pile of wood n stuff. and here they were, flapping about her like three old aunts, batty as fruitcakes, and just as merry, she thought. No, she didnt need any helping up, thanks, she was okay.

She hadn't even been able to sink her teeth into the mouse - Freda had rescued it and rung the Wildlike Rescue Services. They werent interested anyway, as it turned out. waste of a good mouse.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 12:58 PM

Right,
Clothes courtesy of the night custodian. You'd think he'd be used to corpses moving because of rigormortis. Fainted dead away (if you'll pardon the pun).
No I didn't drink his blood, that's what I'm after Vlad for, I don't need to add to the problem.
Now the mechanics of becoming a bat. Got to concentrate and flow into the shape. If you've got a better suggestion I'd love to hear it.

Stop distracting me! The Louisville Slugger logo was beginning to appear on my side when I finally got my focus back! Okay, think short fuzzy ugly mouse with webbed fingers (Note to self: are bats the offspring of inbred mice?). That's about got it!

Perspectives quite a bit different (keep flapping!) The clothes aren't on the floor. I wonder where they go? Come to think of it, considering the theory of conservation of mass/matter where is the rest of me?

Don't think about it! Don't think about it! The floor is too far away to lose control at this point. Keep the horizon level, good. Haven't got time to master this, I guess I'll just have to wing it. Groan, I wonder if being a vampire makes you susceptible to puns?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 09:12 AM

At a loss for words?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: MMario
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:44 AM

Gazing into the mirror - Magenta saw what she normally saw in the mirror - exactly nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Magenta
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:40 AM

As magenta lay there on the rubbish heap outside she was dreaming about everything in pink. She woke with a start saying " I hate Pink!"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Micca
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:11 AM

Micca, thought long and hard, and applied the Zazen Meditation techniques and decided that to reduce the threat in Oz he would have to travel the Long way round to Sydney flying to New York and making a diversion to Nottingham NH. This would give him a chance to see Lavinia, his Pink Flamingo friend and obtain a specimen of her DNA. Using this to apply the Principles set out in Dr Michael 'Alaska Mike' Campbells' seminal Thesis " The application of gene technology in the production of the perfect Sled dog to win the Iditarod!"maybe it could be introduced into the vampire gene pool and thus neutralize the Bat problem , at least . For who could take seriously a 5 foot tall pink fluffy vampire bat??
He anxiously scanned Nostralarmpit for a sign, he found it at the bottom of page 1204
He showed .!.. and the mystic words "up yrs Vlad"
And the Verse
When winter holds the north gript fast
warm south nights dark with inkness
the Cider drinker forth will come
and with him bring the Pinkness!!!

which Nostralarmpit admitted (in the footnotes) he knew not the significance of but hoped in time would be revealed!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 10:22 AM

LOL! These Vlad tales are truly wacko.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:53 AM

..she had seen him again. magenta didnt know what it was that unnerved her about this man, the bat wings, waxen skin, the penetrating...



gaze. But all she knew was that she sensed a blackness in him. She gazed up in her mind, into his dark, dark eyes. it was as if she had never seen or known another man before. she could feel that longing, that aching.. this man was somehow, drawing her to him, she wanted to dive right into those eyes, that blackness, almost like diving into the night sky, to become obliterated in blackness.

"and", JennyG was saying, "you can buy these embroidered flowers - roses, violets, daisies, waratahs - even gymea lilies, and just iron them on. It saves hours of work and they look beautiful".

"where is she now", muttered jennyO. They heard a crash and a scream out the back shed.

JennyO, Jennyg, and Sandra all ran out the back. There lay Magenta, looking rather guilty, on top of a pile of pieces of wood, an old bicycle wheel, a bit of old tire and half of the old lawnmower, which was on its side, all seeming to have fallen out the side door of the shed. Yes, there lay Magenta, on top of all that clutter. JennyG looked, and looked away.

There was a mouse tail hanging out of Magenta's mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:17 AM

It was 3am. Micca had been poring over Nostrilsarmpit for some time.

"The two of Plaistow will have made a constitution
for their future wisdom, lovers underfoot"

A constitution? lovers underfoot? the two of Plaistow? It was only him n the cat here, and while Micca was an open, non-judgemental sort of bloke, the cat was just company, really. Micca knew that Nostrilsarmpit often disguised his meaning in heavy symbolism and word play, partly so that it would have more applicability in future centuries, when pedants and skeptics started demanding rules of evidence and such like. Micca concentrated, looking for the deeper mystical meaning behind the words... lovers underfoot... what the hell could that mean?

briiing brrring... who was ringing at this ungodly hour? Micca picked up the phone and recognised the deep booming drawl of his old aussie mate, Rhymin Simon.

"Hey, Micca, mate. How'd you like to drop by for a smoko? I need some help, man. Ive got some good weed, purple heads, got it up Mullumbimby way. I'll set you up with a few gigs, mate."

Suddenly Micca understood. "Goddess of the Moon" "Lovers underfoot" - underfoot, underneath, down, down under - Australia. Micca knew, from the tingling up his spine, that he would rescue the Goddess of the Moon, and in the process, would find his true love, in Australia.

"Sure, Simon, what's up? I'll be over in a day or two."

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:05 AM

It had been a bad week. I'm a patient man, Rhymin'Simon thought to himself, a very patient man. But finding a dozen peeled bats in the freezer (yes, hygenically wrapped in snap lock bags, as Magenta had sweetly pointed out), well, you hadda draw the line somewhere. And it was a very long line.

yeh magenta was a cool ole lady, sang a good version of the Grisly Bride. But no more. Simon usually didnt agree with fascist concepts like deprogramming, motivation training or deportment and modelling classes. They were all subtle attempts by the interglobal capitalist multiglobular media monopoly to mold people to become more passive, socially engineered corporate citizens.

Now if magenta had been preserving those bats for science, or even caring for them in a box full of cotton wool for some wildlife enviro-group, it would be a different matter. But Simon was no fool. He saw the packet of sliced Jarlsburg cheese, the mild chili sauce, the tomato and the cos lettuce. And the tooothpicks... ugghh.

And Simon knew he took take it no more. Yes, there was only one person he could trust to freak Magenta back into her senses, only one person with the balls to confront her brain-dead carnivorous cravings, only one person whose efforts would not be in vein...

Micca Patterson, he of the memorable "Hash my Father Scored".

Simon had to do what a man had to do. He got on the phone.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,A Very Large Pink Flamingo, hoping to get s
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 09:43 PM

Micca is on his way to Australia to battle Vlad the Inhaler? Maybe he could take a short sidetrip to Nottingham, NH and visit his Pink Lady. Lots of bats here to battle too, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 09:28 PM

My names Fresnelli...
Momma said there'd be days like this, but even she could never have imagined waking up in a morgue. For a moment I thought someone had shoved me in a filing cabinet but when I climbed out of the cabinet it was rather obvious where I was.

Damnit, Damnit, Damnit! How could I have been so dumb! Here I'd been chasing that fanged freak from continent to continent sure I'd get the bastard before too much longer and instead he'd gotten me. I had just been preparing for a trip to Australia to talk keep an eye on his last victim when he shows up in my front room. I know the pistol was a stupid thing but a frightened man will use about anything. Too bad I hadn't used my garlic and holy water bullets but Chicago was rough and those bullets wouldn't work on your normal chi-town hood.

Now, here i am standing naked in the morgue. As if being dead wasn't bad enough they've got to make it rather embarassing as well. First things first, some clothes. I don't have to worry about dieing of exposure (hah!) but walking around nude might draw some attention.

Next was getting to Australia. That bastard was sure to be there already, running down that unfortunate young lady. Well...the flight wouldn't be a problem. That fanged freak might have killed me but in some ways he just made my job alot easier. With the powers of a vampire now in my possesion I'm going to hunt him down and make him pay. I'm going to get a nice long piece of dogwood and personally carve a beautiful stake for that piece of bloodsucking shit and drive it through his coal black heart if it kills me, well... in a manner of speaking.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:47 AM

"Bad times approach you. No longer will you be enslaved.
Great Micca will revive your veins... "

Micca could feel layers unpeeling from his mythic mind. The words of his old grandmother echoed in his mind, from when he was a young child.. "Mark my words, Micca Patterson, you will have to seek before you find, and that which you find will be filled with another, which you must empty before the true Goddess is revealed".

Micca pondered the significance of his grandmother's words. She had always spouted this phrase to him before telling him to clean up his room. Strangely, the words always seemed to inspire him, for amongst the clutter he always discovered some jewel, which had been given up as lost.

But this, this was different. The venerated Nostrilsarmpit seemed to be speaking to him. and who was the goddess of the moon, and why was her mind lost? What did it all mean?

Micca decided to have a sip of cider and listen to some Bessie Smith, before retiring for the night.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:38 AM

Micca sat at his vast table, a huge, leatherbound book in front of him. It was the prophesies of Nostrilsarmpit, the 15th century visionary whose eyes saw centuries ahead, into the threads of Mudcatus Magentumus.

Micca's room was wall to floor in ancient books and music. Yet, in all his years of esoteric study, he had never come across anything as compelling as the Prophesies of Nostrilsarmpit. Written in deeply symbolic language, with hints of events barely imaginable in the 15th century, Micca's eyes bulged as he read the strangely hypnotic words....

Sitting alone at night in secret study;
it is placed on the computer screen.
A slight hum comes out of the emptiness and
makes successful that which should not be believed in Maine.

The mouse in the hand is placed in the left of the keyboard's letters.
With water he sprinkles both the hem of his garment and his foot.
A voice, fear: he trembles in his robes.
Divine splendor; the Mudcat sits nearby.

When the litters are overturned by the vampire
and faces are covered by cloaks,
the newtown moon will be troubled by its people.
At this time the conservatives and the drys will rule wrongly.

In the world there will be made a queen
Magenta her name, her tresses be black.
At this time the mind of the Goddess will be lost,
as Magenta seeks her ancient true love.

They will be driven away for a long drawn out fight.
The countryside will be most grievously troubled.
Town and country will have greater struggle.
Simon and Chongo will have their hearts tried.

The eye of Vladimir will be forsaken,
when his wings will fail at his feet.
The two of Plaistow will have made a constitution
for their future wisdom, lovers underfoot

Arrived too late, the act has been done.
The wind was against them, batwings intercepted on their way.
The conspirators were staggering from a party.
By Vladimir shall these enterprises be undertaken.

How often will you be captured, O daughter of the moon ?
Changing blood that is barbaric and vain.
Bad times approach you. No longer will you be enslaved.
Great Micca will revive your veins...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 10:51 PM

What in God's name does Micca have to do with any of this? Inquiring minds want to know. Next we're going to see jOhn from Hull dragged into this somehow...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 05:59 PM

.....burp!










Vlad knew that he couldnt survive on bats alone for much longer..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Natasha Smasher
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 11:02 AM

Simon knew what he had to do. Simon needed a good exorcist, someone who could cleanse Magenta of this low class spirit that was inhabiting her. Someone with the strength not to be frightened by Magenta's moods. Someone who knew this was more than an evening primrose job. Someone who could straddle two worlds - a ghost whisperer. There was only one person who could help, and he was in Plaistow.

How the hell could Simon lure Micca to Australia, when he was broke?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amalia Clawall
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 10:56 AM

JennyO, JennyG, Magenta and Sandra were meant to be having a sewing evening. This was really an excuse to get together, listen to music, talk, and sew while they cooked potatoes in the fire. They baked them til they were covered black with charcoal on the outside, and were white and fluffy on the inside. Add pepper, butter, parsley and sea salt .. mmm.

But Magenta was off in the back shed, saying something about looking for mice. They looked at each other. Was this weird or what?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 10:46 AM

Simon took a deep breath, but, this time, not on his bong. Through the window he watched as Magenta sat huddled in her old shawl, on the bench, gazing at the moon. His bones were weary, weary of problems. Magenta, she was a good woman, he knew that. But she'd been laying a lot of crap on him lately, and he'd had enough. He knew what the problem was, he, JennyO, JennyG, Sandra, they'd all been pretending that everything was okay. But when he saw her gazing deliriously at that pasty faced pointy shoed Bat freak, Simon knew. Magenta had somehow been possessed by this manipulative Transylvanian poseur, he had taken over her will somehow.

Simon knew about these things, about the power of the mind, pointing the bone, ouija boards and that. He knew that, while nothing had actually happened to Magenta, the problem was, she THOUGHT something had happened to her. The placebo effect, if you get it. And this Vlad, this reptilian rubber scrubber, this weak arsed sabre toothed beanpole, he had her wrapped round his little, er, bat claw.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 09:03 AM

The old wooden bench in the backyard was comfy. She sat among the long grass, the dandelions and the ferns, listening to the sounds of Ecopella, the choir that rehearsed in her backyard each Monday evening. (http://www.ecopella.live.com.au/) The moon was big and round, and the sounds of voices blending in shades of forest green floated into the night.

Magenta felt muddled, not right. All those years of vegetarianism, spirulina, yoghurt and Doctor Bronner's peppermint soaps. Why was she craving meat all of a sudden? and why was she suppressing an impulse to run into the back studio and suck the blood from that juicy little tenor?

Maybe she needed iron tablets.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 04 - 08:52 PM

Chongo was reading up on Australia. It sounded like an interesting place, once you got out into the countryside. Lots of unusual animals. Somehow, though, he had a feeling he'd end up in the city instead, and cities were fairly much the same everywhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Bleeding gums Boris
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 03:15 AM

She could hear someone shouting.. and felt sucked towards that dark energy. The air was swirling around her, in a kaleidoscope of black leather, studs, swirling chiffon, coin belts and gulab jamens.. colours and symbols circling around her like a starry night.. She saw JennyO wrestling with what appeared to be an overripe, waxen skinned, red lipped, white fanged Elvis impersonator.. what late night horror show had she stepped into by accident? and that black cloak - was it a cloak, or huge dragonlike bat wings?

Magenta awoke out of her dream to the sound of someone chundering in the nearby garbage bin. She looked and saw that man, what was his name, Vladimir, bent over the bin, retching.

Jennyo was shouting - RUN ! for your life Magenta! get out of here! and suddenly, there was a shove, and she found herself on her side, a car door slamming, listening to the sound of JennyO and Simon shouting. she was inside that old white landrover, being tossed from side to side as the car screeched in and out of the backstreets of Erskineville......

"what happened?", she asked JennyO in a timid voice.

"It was that undead Transylvanian scumbag, Vladimir", said JennyO. "I called Simon on my mobile and then.."

"How did we escape?" bleated Magenta, exhaustedly.

"You were very lucky, Magenta", said Simon, "That walking corpse of an interdiluvian Elvis was just about to rip into your neck when he stepped in some leftover pizza, and was overcome by the smell of garlic. We left him having deep words with the garbage bin in King St".

It was all too much. Magenta lay back on the car seat, trembling and shivering with fear.......

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: JennyO
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 11:05 PM

For the last couple of weeks, JennyO had been feeling uneasy - as well as the strange way Magenta had been acting, there had even been moments at the folk festival in Jamberoo when she had felt someone's eyes on her, and she even thought she had caught sight of a swirling black cape out of the corner of her eye while in the Guinness tent on the last night, sipping a final half price Kilkenny with Sandra. Yes, there definitely was a chill in the air that night - not totally accounted for by the fact that the gas in the big outdoor heaters had run out.

She had thought of voicing her concerns to jack halyard, a larger-than-life bearded folkie, who did not look like Santa Claus, and with whom she currently shared her life and her lodgings, but lately he had been very busy writing new songs and she, not wanting to interrupt the creative flow, decided not to bother him.

Now, lost in thought as she stared in the window of Amera's Palace at the colourful drapings of chiffon, coin belts and zills, she remembered a time not long ago when her friend Magenta had brushed with a rather unsavoury character named Vlad.

Then, as if the very thought had called him into existence, she caught sight of a gloved hand on Magenta's shoulder, and raised her head to look into hollow liquid eyes tinged with madness.

"Bloody 'ell, not you again!" she gasped. "What the hell are you doing in Newtown? Got kicked out of The Stafford hotel, didya?" She was having some trouble speaking, especially since she had never heard of the Stafford Hotel.

Yes, there he was, large as life, Vlad himself. He was hovering over Magenta, needle-like teeth flashing in the light of a nearly-full moon. A large black cloak enveloped pale gothic features with slick oily black hair - someone who wouldn't rate a second look in Newtown - he would blend in easily with all the other goths.

He looked ready to sink those fangs into Magenta. "Look out Magenta!" she screamed. "It's Vlad the Inhaler!"

"Who?" asked Magenta, as if in a dream.

"Wake up Magenta!" - JennyO pulled her away. "He must have you hypnotised. Don't you remember Vladimir the Inhaler; Vampire Villain?"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 08:45 PM

Spartan Boulevard turned out to be an upscale suburban street on the west side of town, in a street that was down in a little ravine and had plenty of trees. Not bad, even though it was wet and gloomy on this occasion. # 17 was a grey bungalow in good shape. The mailbox had several days worth of mail still in it. Chongo rang the doorbell several times and got no answer. He thought about it some and walked around to the back and knocked there. No answer. Time to take a look inside. A chimp can always climb up on the roof and enter by way of the chimney if it's large enough, but why do that when you can jimmy open a window somewhere and keep your clothes clean (if not dry)? It was only the work of a minute to find a kitchen window that opened and clamber in. The kitchen was fairly much in order except that someone had spilled a drink on the table, and it had run over on the floor and not been cleaned up. The same someone had not finished his meal, ham and eggs. That had happened at least a couple of days ago, by the look of it. The eggs were starting to smell. Something else was not smelling too good either, and Chongo had a good idea what it was.

He found it in the living room. There was a stiff hanging from the chandelier by his tie. It was a man, his face contorted and horribly pale. He was as dead as Herbert Hoover's chances of being re-elected to the Presidency. Upon closer examination Chongo saw that the guy had two deep bite marks on the right side of his neck. And his wrists were heavily bruised. He appeared to have put up a desperate struggle against a much stronger opponent.

"No wonder ya look so pale," growled Chongo. "I bet there ain't a teacupfull of blood left in yer veins."

Chongo fished the guy's wallet out of his pocket and checked the I.D. Vito Alfonso Fresnelli. Age: 39. Color of eyes: brown.

"I guess I ain't gettin' no useful information from you now, eh, Vito?" said Chongo. "Well, let's see what else we got here."

The wallet yielded a couple of gambling stubs, a condom, a membership card from the Loyal Order of Lampreys, and a hundred and fifty dollars.

"That's odd," commented Chongo. "Well, I guess vampires don't really need cash all that bad. Must be nice not havin' to worry about that...look, Vito," he went on, "I know you don't need this $150 no more, and I am short of dough at the moment. I hope you won't take no offense if I make use of this. Look, if you got any objection, just speak up."

Vito said nothing, so Chongo pocketed the cash. He comforted himself with the thought that this $150 would help him track down the undead creep who had done in Mr Fresnelli.

The next thing Chongo noticed was a gun lying on the floor. It turned out to have been discharged recently, all six chambers. Chongo could smell the fresh powder. He also found out where the spent rounds had gone. Two of them were in the wall out in the hallway and one more was buried in the doorframe. The other three had made a pattern of holes close together in the living room wall. Chongo could tell right about where the target of those rounds must have been standing, and it looked to him like all three shots had been aimed right about heart level for a tall man.

Vito had emptied his gun at his killer, and Chongo figured the killer in question had just stood there and laughed. Vampires aren't bothered by bullets. Then the creep grabbed Fresnelli with inhuman strength and sucked the life out of him. Simple. But why? Why would Vlad go after this guy?

Chongo methodically checked out the entire residence. He found plenty of evidence that Vito was into gambling and betting on the horse races, plus importing some kind of expensive stuff from Australia. There were codes written down, but it wasn't clear just what the shipments involved.

There was one more thing. A plane ticket to Australia. It was for a week from Monday.

"Australia. I never been to Australia." Chongo thought about it. As far as he knew there wasn't much of a primate population in Australia at this point, but what difference did it make? Magenta was in Australia, and the mysterious statue had come from there. Chongo went back to the living room.

"Vito," he said, addressing the dangling corpse, "I feel it is my duty to make use of this plane ticket, and go see what all this rumpus is about on your behalf. It might be you had unfinished business in Australia, so I am gonna see what I can do about it. I will drop a line to the cops so you get a decent burial. I am sorry about what happened here, so I hope they give you a nice clean coffin. Thanks for the $150."

Chongo put everything carefully back as it had been and exited by the same window he had entered by. The gloves he had worn would have left no fingerprints nor any sign of his presence. The cops were welcome to make what they could of Fresnelli's sudden end. They would certainly be puzzled by the bite marks, that's for sure, not to mention by all those bullet holes and no sign of anyone getting shot.

As soon as he got back to the office, Chongo phoned up the police. "Yeah, 17 Spartan Boulevard. I heard shots there a couple of days back. Maybe 5 or 6 shots. I been thinkin' about it, and I thought you oughta know. Who am I? I'm just a little bird that flew by. Yeah, that's right, a bird. Look, I gotta migrate, so bye for now. I hope it ain't nothin' too serious." Chongo hung up. That oughta do it. Chongo doubted that the cops would find much useful, but they were certainly welcome to try.

In the meantime, he had a vampire to catch. Time to read up on Australia. He had a week to do that and pack.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 09:30 AM

Magenta and Jenny turned left at the post office. They wandered down the old end of King st, past the Afghan carpet shop, past the school, the hall, the cafes and the Indian spice shop, which had fluorescent saris hanging outside it by day, and was the only place nearby where you could buy canned gulab jamens.

"What's she looking at now?", thought JennyO. Magenta was staring into a shop window. JennyO pressed her nose against the glass. It was set up like an arabian harem - dozens of belly dancing costumes, glittering with full skirts, tiny embroidered tops and little golden coins dangling here and there. And in the shop next door were dummies wearing stuidded leather jackets, pants and dog collars. Good old Newtown, it was impossible to get bored here.

Suddenly, Magenta's skin prickled all over. A familar gloved hand was touching her shoulder. JennyO looked around, and gasped in shock! "Not you again, what the hell are you doing in Newtown? Got kicked out of The Stafford hotel, didya?"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Sep 04 - 11:42 AM

Monday morning. It was raining in Chicago. A slow, dirty, omnipresent rain that would probably continue for the rest of the day. Perfect for a Monday.

Chongo got up and made some coffee. Very strong. He ruefully contemplated the bullet hole in his desk that had resulted from his fit of temper over the gorilla bank whose fragments now lay in the dustbin.

"I'm an idiot," he said to himself. "A jerk. I oughta be hung out to dry like an old banana peel."

He sipped coffee for awhile and thought about the young baboon who had asked for his autograph the other day. "Poor kid. He doesn't know his idol is a jerk who runs out of money cos of his own bad spending habits and then blames a 'piggy bank' for his problems."

Meanwhile Magenta was clearly in danger. Great danger. And she was most likely in Australia while Chongo was in Chicago, Illinois with $16 to his name and a tip about someone called Vito Fresnelli.

Well, first things first. It was time to get the train back on the tracks and rolling. Chongo finished his coffee, and dialed Vito Fresnelli's number again. Still no answer. Okay, then. Time to pay a visit to 17 Spartan Boulevard. He slipped into his working trenchcoat, picked up the violin case that contained the Thompson submachine gun, and headed out into the wet and gritty streets of the Windy City.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 27 Sep 04 - 11:24 AM

They came to the spot on the bridge that was always filled with a huge pool of water when it rained. On a bad night, you could get completely drenched as cars swept through the water. The street was patched and repaired with different shades of tar and cement. Magenta listened as Jenny's voice echoed across the empty road. Her voice was comforting, familiar, as she sang about all their old haunts.

But Magenta still had that strange feeling that she'd had on the plane.. It felt like someone, or something, was following them up the street. Magenta looked back, and thought she saw a shadow, or was it? Bats were screeching in the fig trees, swinging from branch to branch on the trees in the park. And there was her cat, Morgana, walking along behind them. As Magenta and Jenny crossed the main street, Morgana sat and waited.

Somehow, with everything that had happened at the Black Lion, Magenta felt, well, unnerved, different, almost as if something, or someone, had taken over her will. That gothic scream queen Vladimir had somehow violated her peace. Would she ever find happiness again?

Her thoughts lingered on the fig trees, and somehow she found herself thinking of Chongo, his big kind heart, and his huge, strong hands. Magenta felt, if she could just bury herself in his huge arms, and nestle her cheek against his broad chest, somehow, everything would be alright.

And quietly, behind them, as Jenny's voice echoed around the dreary streets, a shadow slipped back into a doorway, watching.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Sep 04 - 11:28 AM

JennyO wanted to get Magenta on her own, to find out what was going on. Since coming back from Jamberoo, she had noticed an air of strangeness about Magenta - or rather, even more strangeness than usual. And it did seem that Magenta was taking more than a normal interest in the remains of her rare steak. It was usually Miguel who would devour the leftovers, but this time, Magenta had begged for a little bite. Others in the choir had noticed too - Magenta was well known as a vegetarian.

As they walked up the road towards King Street, JennyO was reminded of the time last year when she was hurtling down the main street of Newtown in her car, pointing out the sights to Naemanson, and singing a little local song. She started to sing it now - it seemed apt....

I scored my drugs - at the Bank Hotel
Saw a ba-a-nd at the Sandringham,
I snorted speed off a toilet seat
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

Dogs are cra-a-pping on the street
Queens are prow-ling on their beat,
Springs a dyke, on a motor bike
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

I had a wank, down at the Hub...(remember Magenta, I don't think he knew what a wank was!!)
Had a lashhh, at the Hellfire Club,
I played some tuunes, at the Carlisle Pub...(pity they don't have those sessions at the Carlisle anymore)
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

Gonna shave my head, gonna pierth my thongue,
Get a celtic cross - tatooed on my bum
Gonna shoot some smack, gonna dress in black,
In dirty Newtowwwnnn, dirty Newtowwwnn,
In dirty Newtowwwnnn, dirty Newtowwwnn.

"My kids get embarrassed when I break into song, but they aren't here now, are they - hey!" she chortled.