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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: VirginiaTam Date: 01 Mar 10 - 05:53 PM whoooooshhhhh........ WHHEEEEEEEE....... GET OUT THE WAY! mop head wallops Gnu and Amos around the legs... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 02 Mar 10 - 05:23 AM An armless InterVenus DeMilo, who must be back hat-in-teeth to re-apply for her old job again, just couldn't resist the fun and, upon stumbling upon VT's legs, which had gotten loose and were stumbling on their own, puts them both on and starts galloping after on all- fours, whinnying like a mare. Now THAT'S more in the spirit of the Nurse DeMilo that I remembered! Severn, hitching up Seamus to a rolling gurney and yelling, "On, Yukon King!" like that TV Mountie of his youth, Sgt. Preston, used to do, goes chasing after InterVenus. Nurse Cauterize, with a tray of pain pills that Severn obviously doesn't need at the moment chases after on foot. Up ahead, VT is drag racing a legless frog on a skateboard with a Col. Harlan Sanders goatee and wearing a "Tastes Kinda Like Chicken" T-shirt, who materialized out of God knows where--most likely the kitchen. Wincingdevil, dressed up like Cecil B. DeMille, is getting it all down on film. (As always, Vince will take pictures of ANYTHING!) Who needs the Olympics or Ben Hur, anyway?..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: freda underhill Date: 02 Mar 10 - 06:17 AM Nurse Cauterize may be available and ready, but can she do hospital folds? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 02 Mar 10 - 07:27 AM The question of Nurse Mary Ellen's ability to fold does not realy bother us. It's the rest of the staff's propensity to spindle and mutilate that tends to scare the living daylights out of us!...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 02 Mar 10 - 08:32 AM Chaos. Pure chaos. TAM! Watch out for those bedpans. They're full!!!!! CRASHH! BANG! SPLAT! SPLOSH! nevermind |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 02 Mar 10 - 12:08 PM Gnu and Amos cling fearfully to the corridor walls and both of their minds simultaneously flash to visions of Dr. Seuss' "And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street".... Once again the humor goes from deadpan to bedpan. The bedpans and that bumbling incompetent Native American orderly Running Sore fly up in the air and when he lands, the old-style porcelain enamel bedpans fall back down on him one by one. That's not to say, though, that the whole parade itself didn't get rained on a bit. Still the mad procession continues to barrel down the hall towards the Radiology Department with VT in the lead.... Drs. Howard, Fine and Howard, on their way to do brain surgery, are forced to scramble out of the way, making their usual noises in the process. VT, the way I was told how to get "legless" was to go into a UK cider pub and drink the stuff down fast like beer.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: VirginiaTam Date: 02 Mar 10 - 02:15 PM Oooohhh! What's this? On the bottom tray of tea trolley. A firkin of Kent's Best and a schload of plastic cups... Wooohooooo! Screeching to a halt at the end of the corridor, and making ready to play pub landlady. ♬ Come all that love good company And hearken to my song Tis of a lovely hostess fine That lives in London town Who sells good ale both nappy and stale And always thus sings she My ale was tunnn,d when I was young A little above my knee The gayest lady with her fan Doth love such snappy ale Both city maids and country girls That carry the milking pail Will take a touch and not think much To sing so merrily My ale was tunn'd when I was young A little above my knee You're welcome all brave gentlemen, If you please to come in, To take a cup I do intend, And a health for to begin: To all the merry jovial blades, That will sing for company, My ale was tunn'd when I was young, A little above my knee. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: gnu Date: 02 Mar 10 - 02:58 PM VT... well done. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: VirginiaTam Date: 02 Mar 10 - 03:06 PM should say this is not my song... Titled the Merry Hostess on Graham and Eillen Pratt LP we have. There are more verses. Nurse DeMilo can keep my damned legs. They hurt too much. I am going to get those springy bouncy prosthetic legs paralympic runners use. You guys won't see me for dust! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 02 Mar 10 - 07:16 PM Ale for what goods us? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: gnu Date: 02 Mar 10 - 07:31 PM I raise a jar to that, Sev.... hmmmm... both of these say "take with or without food"... so, with, I guess. Salut. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 03 Mar 10 - 01:30 PM I read that as a "merkin" of Kent's best and fetched you all some toothpicks and dental floss. No need to thank me. gnu - I wouldn't drink that stuff. Those are urine samples. the patient had fasting samples and non-fasting samples submitted - with or without food. SOmeone get him a whoopie pail. Damn fool has been drinking Canadian beer and couldn't tell the difference. Whose samples were those? We'll need new ones... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 04 Mar 10 - 11:41 AM gnu??? Are you OK? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 04 Mar 10 - 01:35 PM The beautiful and lovely (but now quadruped) InterVenus DeMilo has apparently become somewhat temoprarily enamored, as well as somewhat temporarily attatched, to VT's legs. She seems to be at least an approximate version of her old state of mind as she apoligizes to me as we shake hand and right forefoot. I have become somewhat enamored of Burn Unit Nurse Mary Ellen Cauterize in Ms.DeMilo's abscence and I seem to be making some slow progress on that front, even if it isn't quite slow-burning love at this point, and she was running right behind me in the procession, so I'd better be careful. I don't have long to ponder, as right about the same time that I asked which toe would her engagement ring go on, she looks upward and sees the directional sigh pointing down the hall towards the Radiology Lab and proceeds to jump up and gallop down the hallway on all fours with a look of fury on her face. I'd rather stay and let Mary Ellen pleasurably hold me up and hand feed me my meds while I play needy, but I realize that the reason that this all hadn't been broken up by Nurse Ratched a while ago, is that she might be trysting again (like she did last summer?) with InterVenus's former fiancee, The Weird Guy From Radiology, who must have pocketed the engagement ring for good and thought he'd moved on in his life. I tell the others what's happening and tell them we'll catch up later, but the mood with Mary Ellen has been broken and we get up, shrug and hurry along with the crowd. Is wincingdevil still around with his camera?..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 04 Mar 10 - 01:51 PM Poor gnu. He thought the somewhat stunned Native American orderly Running Sore had been muttering something about Hospice rather than "Hoss-Piss". Sadder-Budweiser he'll come around again aftter developing a bit of an immunity/tolerance over the years. And Amos, as was his habit, had unconsciously mixed some in with his coffee.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: VirginiaTam Date: 04 Mar 10 - 01:59 PM OOOOUUUUCCCCHHHH!!! Who stuck my legs back on? I don't want them, I tell you. Take the away. sniffle.... hurts |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 04 Mar 10 - 02:17 PM Orderly Running Sore to VT, "We tried to stop and grab on the run Ms. DeMilo, but she shed them and got away and is still running down the corridor, so we thought we'd return them to you. Din't worry, I DID wash them first...... OOOPS!!! Wrong side and backwards you say?!?!? Sorry 'bout dat! I'll fix it! Nurse Wretched over in Physical Therapy showed me how. HOLD STILL, dern ya! And stop screaming!....." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: gnu Date: 04 Mar 10 - 02:50 PM SOB!!! I thought she said she was here with the decaffeinated! I said, "No thanks as I am having a hard time urinating." She said, "This will help." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 04 Mar 10 - 03:05 PM Listerine here, gnu. And don't breathe on me. yuch! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: VirginiaTam Date: 04 Mar 10 - 03:21 PM ger orf me ya big wassname. I don't want the legs. Looky here! I got this prosthetic tail I'd be most obliged if you could just tip me into the therapy pool. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 04 Mar 10 - 03:32 PM Hey, Sev. InterVenus DeMilo made the big time. Immortalized in ice! http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/35709463/ns/today-today_people/ I see a cooling bath in your future. SINS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: gnu Date: 04 Mar 10 - 04:11 PM SnowjobÉ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 04 Mar 10 - 04:25 PM LOL Is that a pun? Or a typo? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: gnu Date: 04 Mar 10 - 04:28 PM É = question mark on my keyboard until I reboot. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 04 Mar 10 - 07:20 PM I'd dreamed about melting togrther with that woman, but I'd assumed we'd both be in a state of heat. It seems that VT's gone Ethel Mermaid on us, according to the last "A-fish-in-sea report" we've recieved. Running Sore was said to havesuffered a direct slap across the face with her prosthetic tail, but "Chief" swears it was just a fluke shot. If someone gave her a comb and a glass we may all be sunk! Still smarting from his fluke rebuke, Running Sore was last seen heading back towards the Radiation Lab to see if Ms. Demilo wants the surplus limbs back and reinstalled. "Forelegged is forearmed", so they say... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 05 Mar 10 - 01:04 PM I heard her say "I know you thought the leg you took was wooden but in the dark you goofed and took my good'un..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 08 Mar 10 - 04:43 PM When we get this Radiation Ward mess over with, I'll introduce VT to a friend of mine from Atlantis who sings first tenor in the Merman Tabernacle Choir (a Coral Music group who perform with the Eddystone Light Orchestra). Once he gets past his "What's a nice girl like you doing in a dive like this?" line, he'll do just fine. He comes from a long line of Piano Tunas on his mother's side and would probably love to play your scales...... Meanwhile, Ms. DeMilo, upon reaching the Ward and finding Nurse Ratched and her one-time fiancee The Wierd Guy From Radiology (Whose nametag reads "Herman". As in "He was Herman, but he done her wrong", I guess) en flagrante in another sort of "engagemant", locks the door behind her. Running Sore, who knows all sorts of hospital short cuts, pops in a back door and tosses VT's spare pair of feet to InterVenus after offering in vain to install them himself (He gets off on that sort of thing), While she is quickly reinstalling her set of front limbs, Nurse Ratched, who normally never backs down from a fight but is still technically Chief Nurse On Duty, throws on a lab coat and runs out the door, chasing after the Indian orderly. Herman, with pants around his ankles, can't move fast enough as Ms. DeMilo Locks the other door and turns to face him..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 08 Mar 10 - 04:47 PM ASIDE>>> Does De Milo now have legs and feet? Hands? I lost count. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Liz the Squeak Date: 09 Mar 10 - 03:22 AM NOOOOOOOOO MOOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Please!!! I'm laughing so hard, the heart monitor I'm presently wired up to is going to cause major consternation when I hand it back tonight!!! (24hour jobby... amazing how much technology has improved in just 5 years. The one I had last time looked like an original Star Trek tri-corder and had to be hung on a strap over my shoulder! This one is only a wee bit bigger than the average pager and clips happily onto my pocket... or my bra strap for when I don't have pockets, or my jammie trousers when I don't have either.) The sticky lead grips mean I still look like I've been rogered by the squid though... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 09 Mar 10 - 03:49 PM The squid!?!? Oh crap, the squid! Is he still chained up on the wall in the tavern? Damn that Ratched! i,ll be back. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 10 Mar 10 - 02:40 AM Liz, No, you say? More? OK! SINSULL, Here's your plot synopsis.... Now back to the continuing soap opera of "General Hospitiful" Ms. DeMilo now is back to four legs, Her own two behind and the two that were disowned by Virginia Tam in favor of a new designer Mermaiden Japan haute coture prosthetic tail and were thrown back to InterVenus through the back door by American Indian orderly Running Sore. Nurse Ratched managed to escape the Radiology Lab and was last seen running down a back corridor in hot persuit of Running Sore. De Milo, front legs now reinstalled, has managed to lock the back door before her ex-fiancee could escape and now is preparing to angrily face off with poor frightened Herman. Meanwhile, the rest of the procession from the hallway has just arrived outside and are just starting to bang on the locked front Radiation Lab door. Virginia Tam is now in the therapy pool. Y'all caught? If so, feel welcome to twist the story further in any way that suits you |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched Date: 10 Mar 10 - 04:17 AM This job stinks. I keep this ward disinfected, irradiated and antidiluted, and a bunch of Merman wearing fishtails and singing Grey Flannette Line in falsetto take over and get the place vibrating. Sev, bend over, and take a deep breath while I insert my speculator. Your mouth needs a rinse with some medicinal soap, any more lip and you'll be Fish Fingers before you know it! LtS - you, love, need an aloevera and lavendar massage to get your strength back. But I don't do that stuff, you'll have to tell Himself to assist. Sinsull, what the hell, who needs discipline when squids are still enchained? You free that squid and you'll regret it, girl. Many hands make ... oh never mind. This place smells fishy. N.R. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 10 Mar 10 - 05:59 AM Notice that not only did Nurse Ratched find a new overstarched uniform (more starch than an Army mess hall dinner and she seems to LIKE it that way!), but she seems to have what looks like a human scalp on her belt. Nobody has seen or heard from Running Sore for a while, come to think of it We later found the now-bald Indian in a cupboard, and when we finally took the gag from his mouth, he swore some sort of revenge. It's a bit unnerving to hear a hospital worker talking about "heap bad medicine".... But we're getting wa-a-a-aay ahead of ourselves here. As we left the earlier action, a crowd of people were banging on a locked Radiation Lab door to try to prevent the fury of a woman scorned being vented upon Herman the Radiologist..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: freda underhill Date: 10 Mar 10 - 06:25 AM LoL! this is fun! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 10 Mar 10 - 08:30 AM I'm still confused. Why does she need four legs? Apposable thumbs are handy. How did she manage the lock without fingers? Is someone running around here with four hands and no feet? I was sad because I had no shoes then I saw a woman who had four feet...I mean, no feet and four hands. I guess that's what comes of hanging around a radiation lab. Now back to our story. The inmates are sick and tired of all the noise and running around. Kendall is first to the door with a huge harpoon, followed by Curmudgeon with a concertina and LilyFestre with long pink scarf. A big bald Indian joins in the commotion and helps Kendall wedge the harpoon into the jamp and pop the door open just as Weird Herman comes flying through the air screaming in pain over the heads of the horrified onlookers. He cartwheels down the hall and into the arms of Nurse Ratched. DeMilo the Demented follows after but in the knick/nick of time Lily tangles her feet (all four of them) in the chemo scarf and sends her ass over teakettle down the same hall also into the arms of Ratched who by now is apoplectic. Mid air DeMilo grabbed Tom's squeeze box and and upon landing hobbled Herman's Hermits with a salty hornpipe as Kendall... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Mar 10 - 10:27 AM Oh nurse, the bucket, THE BUCKET!!!! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 10 Mar 10 - 01:20 PM Newly-bald orderly Running Sore grudgingly replaces Liz's full bucket with yet another empty one and mutters to himself, "I'm no sailor, but every time they have to heal away, I have to haul away......" He is still furious over being scalped by Nurse Ratched for helping out InterVenus DeMilo back in the Radiation Lab and considers himself on the Warpath. He had noticed that in her haste to get back into proper uniform and re-exert control, she had left her locker unlocked and was trying to come up with a plan for revenge as he rolled his cart down the hallway when he sees some workmen replacing some hallway ceiling tiles and a little cartoon light bulb clicks on over his shiny head. He holds out a plastic garbage bag and asks the workmen to throw him down a loose chunk of insulation. Then he quickly sneaks down to the hospital pharmacy for some dipilitory. Back at the locker, making sure he's unseen, he pours some of the Nair into Nurse Ratched's shampoo bottle and gives it a few shakes. Then, after donning a fresh set of rubber gloves, he takes the insulation and rubs it on the inside of her spare starched uniforms and even her spare undergarments. "That'll make her start from scratch!", he says to himself with a wicked grin....... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: VirginiaTam Date: 10 Mar 10 - 02:01 PM ♬ hhmmmmmm hhmmmmm la la la la under da sea... under da sea.... splish.... splash lovely warm water... bloop....bloop..... bloop... Oh deary me, pardon the bubbles. Somebody put the jets on please. And whatever you do.... do NOT put the squid or Herman the merman in here with me. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 10 Mar 10 - 03:48 PM Running Sore, still in a good mood passes Lily Festre, waves with one hand and taps his bald head with the other and says, "How, Chemo Sabe!" "Too bad she's happily taken.", the Indian thinks to himself, "I could settle down with her and raise a tribe of Festre-ing Sores any day! Mmmmm-mmmm! Lookin' GOOD!" HEY, Don't worry! You've still got it, Lily! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: gnu Date: 10 Mar 10 - 04:13 PM I still have it but I can't find it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: Severn Date: 10 Mar 10 - 04:40 PM "Sorry",says Running Sore. "That should've been 'heave away' rather than 'heal away a couple of posts ago. Great Spirit Almighty,I can't even mutter right anymore...." When InterVenus DeMilo kicked Herman and sent him flying, she ended up getting what she came for, as the engagement ring fell out of his pocket and she scooped it up and it's now on the index toe of her left foot. "I'd see him dead before I'd see that bitch Ratched wear it!", she vowed and chased after to finish him off until tripped up "by that long scarf some Pia Zadora Duncan wannabe threw at me!"..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: VirginiaTam Date: 10 Mar 10 - 05:28 PM which left foot... cuz if it is my left foot... when it swells it will be stuck there... and when I need my legs back... that ring will be mine... only I am already married, so that might be tantamount to bigamy... this is getting too weird even for me.. Hey Liz... when they put that 24 hour heart monitor on me, I got the hiccups within about 20 minutes. not little little hics... great big painful wino in the alley HICCUPS. It was embarrassing to have to right that on the notes of activities I kept while wearing it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched Date: 11 Mar 10 - 01:32 AM Now, time to hang up the towel and head for....... OH NO. Someone's been in my things and I've got a.... HURT LOCKER. I'm not touching a thing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: freda underhill Date: 11 Mar 10 - 01:39 AM Meanwhile, Kendall, Weird Herman, the Squid, and a shantyful of Merman tabbyknackered choiristers raced after LtS, VT, VdM and SNSL, asking for understanding, with fins and fingers raised.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched Date: 11 Mar 10 - 02:04 AM These guys don't deserve understanding, they're damn stupid. Is she calling us stupid? said the squid? Herman and the Mermen nodded, started a soft-sea shuffler, and they agreed... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: freda underhill Date: 11 Mar 10 - 02:17 AM Burn Unit Nurse Mary Ellen Cauterize wondered about that slow-burning love, and whether he knew what she was really like... But, what the squid, she could rise again.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 11 Mar 10 - 09:07 AM GROANNNNN I fell down and went boom. No kidding. Righton my face outside my office. Bruised knee, cut finger, bruised wrist...I'm hruting all over. Worst of all the entire office saw it happen. LOL An attendant at the garage came running over and said "I thought it was a circus act then I realized you were hurt." So embarrassing. Bloody face, gushing finer cuts, all that concern and all I wanted was to get in my car and get the hell out of there. WHINE! Now I hurt. Fingers and fingernails are bruised. Wrist hurts. Knee hurts. HEY! Is anybody paying attention???? Stop chasing each other around and get me a bed and a JD IV> SINS PS Yes - I laughed. I sat on the ground and laughed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: gnu Date: 11 Mar 10 - 12:38 PM Just read about this on Maeve's thread. Hope you tend to the cuts very carefully. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: SINSULL Date: 11 Mar 10 - 12:45 PM Yup. Carefully cleaned and disinfected. Thanks, gnu. I am fine just a bit battered and bruised and that's just my ego. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Recovery Ward 2010 From: gnu Date: 11 Mar 10 - 01:16 PM Good! Ya can't be too careful with any cut, no matter how small. You only need to get cellulitis (spg?) once and EVERY cut after that can be a problem. I first got cellulitis from a spider bite, then from a hornet sting, then from another hornet sting while I was working under my truck in the mud. I now carry alcohol swabs and bandaids in my truck and I USE em. When the doc draws two lines around the infected area with an ink pen and says, "First line, call me. Second line, go to the hospital.", ya take notice. |
