Fractured Nursery Rhymes

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Nick
Date: 19 May 07 - 05:14 PM

Hickory Dickory Dock,
Two Mice Ran Up The Clock,
The Clock Struck one
while the other escaped with minor injuries

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 19 May 07 - 06:20 PM

Mary had a little lamb.
She took it to a shop.
And now she has a new fur coat
And lives on mutton chop!

Mary had a metal cow.
She milked it with a spanner.
The milk came out in shilling tins
With little ones a tanner!

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 19 May 07 - 06:35 PM

and the old one...

The boy stood on the burning deck
When all but he had fled
(Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom)

And when his feet were burned away
He stood upon his head
(Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom)

So hurrah for Mary! Hurrah for the lamb!
Hurrah for the little boy
Who didn't give a -

And when his feet were burned away
He stood upon his head
(Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom)

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 May 07 - 01:55 AM

Anybody remember the "Fractured Fairy Tales" from the "Rocky & Bullwinkle TV Show"

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 May 07 - 09:26 AM

As I woke one morning, when all sweet things are born,
A robin perched upon my sill, to signal the coming morn,
He was so sweet and gentle, as softly he did sing,
Sweet thoughts of love and happiness, into my heart did spring,
He sang his song so gently, then as he paused a lull,
I gently closed the window, and crushed his fucking skull.

eric

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 May 07 - 09:32 AM

ooooo, er...

Robin...

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Bernard
Date: 20 May 07 - 10:34 AM

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With no-one in the vicinity,
Jack came down minus half a crown
And Jill minus her pocket hankie!


The Grand Old Duke of York
He marched around the town
Sometimes with his trousers up
And sometimes with them down

And when they were up, they were up,
And when they were down, they were down,
And when they were only halfway up
He was arrested.

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 May 07 - 08:30 PM

Little boy kneels by the sitting-room fire,
Little face flushed with abnormal desire.
Meow! MEOW! Oh, what is that?
Christopher Robin is sodding the cat.

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,guitar
Date: 21 May 07 - 07:49 AM

I remember when I was on holiday in Australia and myself, father, sister and Brother in law where asked at the local school quiz where my nephew went was 'what did Little miss muffet' eat, and we put curds and whey, and somelse had put the answer 'porrige' and the teachers said that the answer was porrige.

i wonder when did little miss muffet
sat on her tuffet eating her porrige
I don't remeber that line

Tom

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie
Date: 21 May 07 - 04:31 PM

Hickory-dickory-dock!
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one;
    ...The other one got away clean.


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her,
And said, "Excuse me, miss, is this seat taken?"


Tom, Tom, the piper's son,
Stole a pig and ...
    got twenty years to life.

Starkle, starkle, little twink!
Who the hell you are, I think?

Sing a song of six-pence,
A pocket full of rye--
Four and twenty blackbirds,
Baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened,
The birds began to sing,
And the king said:

[A] "Not blackbird pie again!"
[B] "Can't you keep that pie QUIET??"

There is also a Confederate version of the Union war song, "Battle Cry of Freedom" which incorporates a nursery rhyme--wonderfully ironic though not exactly falling-down-laughing humerous:

Mary had a little lamb, and its fleece was white as snow,
Shouting 'The Battle-Cry of Freedom.'
Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go;
Shouting 'The Battle-Cry of Freedom.'
Dixie forever! Hurrah, boys, hurrah!
Down with the eagle and up with the cross!
Let us rally round the flag, boys,
Rally once again,
Shout! Shout! the Battle Cry of Freedom

Chicken Charlie

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: guitar
Date: 22 May 07 - 05:19 AM

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does you garden grow
with your dog's shit how else

line from?

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Shauna goodman
Date: 20 Feb 11 - 01:43 AM

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down on top of Jill
And now they have a daughter.

:)

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Desi C
Date: 20 Feb 11 - 08:34 AM

Wow, what a mind you have!

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,mike
Date: 23 Nov 13 - 08:32 AM

Some fractured verses from "bile them cabbage down" song

Susie ran around the bush, Georgie ran to meet her,
she pulled up her petticoat and he pulled out for Georgia.

Little timmy lives alone, he cannot get a date,
so all he does is zit around and try and master checkers.

Susie had a little watch, she swallowed it one.day.
So now she's taking laxitives to pass the time away.

The laxitive, it did not work. The time it did not pass.
so if you want to know the time, just look up Susie's uncle-he's got a watch
...all I remember.

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 23 Nov 13 - 09:26 AM

Little boy sits at the foot of the stairs
Clutched in his hand a bunch of white hairs
Oh dear just fancy that
Christopher Robin's castrated the cat

Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed
Lily white hands caressing his head
Oh dear couldn't be worse
Christopher Robin is shagging his nurse

Little boy sits on the lavatory pan
Pulling and tugging his little old man
Plip- Plop - into the tank
Christopher Robin is having a wank

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,dallencpa01
Date: 24 Mar 14 - 02:00 PM

Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one and killed it.

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Mar 14 - 09:14 PM

Heard at St Andrews University, 1959:

Little boy kneels by the sitting-room fire,
Little face flushed with abnormal desire.
Meow! Meow! Oh, what is that?
Christopher Robin is sodding the cat.

Chicken Charlie: The Confederate parody you mention must be the origin of a curious version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" that I have been hearing recently at pub sings, with the rousing chorus:

Hurrah for Mary! Hurrah for the lamb!
Hurrah for the Fenian boys who do not give a damn!
And everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go,
Shouting the battle cry of freedom.

After the usual verses, it goes on:

Mary had a little lamb.
It had a sooty foot,
And everywhere that Mary went,
Its sooty foot it put.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:18 AM

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was coarse and hairy
She spanked her lamb so hard one day
She popped its virgin cherry

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:27 AM

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack's health's down pat
But his wife's the fattest bitch you've ever seen

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:34 AM

The was an old woman who lived on the street
She smelled like a toilet and had nothing to eat
So she fished through a dumpster and to her surprise
Found a 3-day old burger and half eaten fries

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:47 AM

Three blind mice
Three blind mice
See how they run

Ruddy Delhi Balti House...

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:50 AM

On which subject: the mice weren't blind, but

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 24 Sep 17 - 10:09 AM

There was a little girl Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead,
When she was good she was very, very good
But when she was bad she was even better

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Sep 17 - 06:59 PM

Old King Cole

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Mr Red
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 05:49 AM

Hush, Hush, whisper who cares.
Christopher Robin has fallen down stairs.

Spike Milligan.

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: GUEST,Anon
Date: 22 Dec 20 - 05:31 PM

Mary had a little pig
It was forever gruntin’
So she tied it to a wooden stake
And kicked its fucking cunt in.

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Dec 20 - 02:15 PM

I am not even telling you which ones cracked me up.

Mary had a little lamb,
a little pork, a little jam,
a little egg on toast,
a little potted roast,
A little stew with dumplings white,
A little shad...
For Mary had
Quite a little appetite!

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Dec 20 - 09:34 AM

The TV show Rocky and Bullwinkle featured fractured fairy tales narrated by Edward Everet Horton. It did't carry an ‘anapestic beat’

Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Dec 20 - 09:17 AM

Hickory, dickory dock,
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one...
The other ducked.