BS: Help A Hoser Foundation

Subject: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:28 AM

YOU CAN TURN YOUR BACK, OR YOU CAN HELP A HOSER!!

Poor "Shane" McBride will probably eat only Tim's donuts today, surviving on grease, sugar, and sweetened dough. He will have no truck with clean water and will be forced to drink Budweiser or worse. As he staggers about looking for female companionship the ladies will laugh at him. In the loo his mates will laugh at him.

But you can help "Shane" and thousands like him. Simply post to this thread and each time you do Bill Gates might send ten dollars Canadian to Help A Hoser Foundation.

Help A Hoser is the only foundation in the world dedicated to helping hosers lead quasi-normal lives. Last year we helped over six hosers -- won't you help a hoser now? It only takes a few seconds.

Maybe someday "Shane" himself will come to your house to thank you.




(This post made possible by the Little Hawk/Rapaire Alliance to help hosers.)

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 11:32 AM

'Poor "Shane" McBride will probably eat only Tim's donuts today, surviving on grease, sugar, and sweetened dough.'

You say this like it's a BAD thing!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:36 PM

I choose to turn my back. Thanks for clarifying the decision for me.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 12:36 PM

I have a line on some jujubes. Because of the various colours they come in I'm sure Shane will get lotsa vitamins from them.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 01:54 PM

"Maybe someday "Shane" himself will come to your house to thank you."

NO, thanks, I get enough of his cousins, or clones, or whatever the heck they are comin' round during summer beer season as it is. I had to bar some of 'em from the property without bringing a minder with 'em. Last house I lived in, pre marriage, they were like raccoons at a garbage bin. When I left there, I'd lost three kitchen chairs to 'Shanes' falling off, over, or on them, a coffee table, a very nice cactus plant, sundry mugs, glasses and plates, and had to install a locking chain on the inside of my bedroom door.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 02:05 PM

Man, I was moved to tears when I read your post, Rapaire! How can anyone turn aside from these people in dire need, turn their back, and walk away? I, for one, am stunned by the heartlessness of those who would abandon hosers to the misery of their misbegotten lives.

Now listen, folks: What you must do...and do it NOW...is you must go to the 85 Billion Posts thread, post there, and declare your intention to make a contribution to the Help a Hoser Foundation. That, plus your post here, will activate a process whereby Bill Gates will send ten dollars Canadian to the Help The Hosers Foundation, located in Mimico. That's the Help The Hosers Foundation, located in beautiful downtown Mimico, Ontario, the home of quilted mince muffins.

YOU can make the difference in the lives of people like Shane McBride.

Do it NOW!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Peace
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 02:06 PM

They are a delight, LH: Quilted mince muffins.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 03:45 PM

Yeah, right! Just what we need, an NGO to funnel free beer money to worthless shitbirds like Shane McBride! Don't you people see that all you're doing is aiding, abetting and enabling? You're just helping to further the illusion that hoserhood is a viable lifestyle. You really want to help a hoser? Try some tough love for a change. Let Mr McBride and his ilk go without a few meals. Then they'll have no choice but to get jobs or resort to crime. And if they become criminals they'll be sent to prison where they can sober up and receive some valuable vocational training so they can get jobs when they get out.

If you want to see the cycle of hoserhood continued, sure, just send beer money to this "Help a Hoser Foundation". But if you'd like to walk down the streets of Blind River some day and see Shane McBride, licensed plumber, stepping out of his work van, toolbox in hand, on his way to unclog a toilet at a rate of $55.00 per hour plus $50.00 for the service call, keep your "philanthropic" urges in check. He can afford to buy his own beer.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 04:01 PM

You guys should listen to BWL. He was the foremost frontiersman in exploring the full scope and substance of the Hoserhood Cycle; in fact he was the original coiner of the term, in one of his early drafts of his ultimate thesis, published in Montreal under the title "Je Suis Hoseurien". So he probably understands the intricate dynamics of the niche better than most PhDs.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 04:04 PM

I have been a member of HAH for years. Some people turn up, or plug, their noses at hosers. Well, I say, there, but for the grace of Unemployment Injoyment, go I. Many of my friends and relatives up Kent County, New Brunswick are Fresh Air Inspectors, and, without them, many elderly would not have fresh trout, salmon, moose, deer, porcupine and the like.

Now, Hosers up Kent County ain't like yer big city Hosers in yer Mimico an yer Blind River. Hell, my trout come from Blind Brook, just below the Mine Bridge just short of Beersville where my cousins the Burgess' got their spread. Well, they used to until the lumberin opened up the woods so that the city kids could get to the brook with them there fancy ATV's n such. Acourse, that there opened up a new industry in Kent County... ATV repairs and parts.... wholesale prices.

Anyway, I won't prattle on. If ya can't help with a post er a donation er a donut, buy some porcupine quills from a Hoser. After ya dip em in shine, they make a dandy toothpick and they'll do in a pinch if ya haven't got a pin fer yer buds (also availabe from yer backwoods hoser). Just soak em overnight with yer teeth first on accounta they'll blow like a seed afire!

Tight lines, straight shootin an keep er twixt the ditches eh!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 06:15 PM

I never figured Bee-Dubya and Amos for neocons.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 07:10 PM

Ya just gotta support the cause eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:37 PM

Another case of the brain-dead bureaucracy sticking their noses in where they don't belong. What a bunch of fools they are.

One thing that was great about the frontier was that people got to do things themselves, in their own way. Those times are sorely missed in the Orwellian social system we have going now.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:46 PM

Yeees, buddy! Them there governMINT fellahs, eh? Bolt holes the lot of em. Turn a fawn loose fer the yotes ta have at? All because of some rules ta keep hosers in line. All the more reason fer HAH.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 08:59 PM

Flippin' right, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 09:53 PM

NEWS FLASH: The Idaho Legion has endorsed HAH without a dissenting vote and has also passed a Resolution wishing it well (with 1 dissenting vote, but he thought it was about "nosers" because he wasn't paying attention).

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 09:53 PM

Youse people who won't help a guy when he is a little flippin' donw on his luck are lowwer than rat barf! You suck! I hope you flippin' find yerselfs layin' out on the street flippin' homeless one day and don't get no help from no one!

I have gave dimes to bums, eh? I ain't too proud to, like, spread the welth around when I got some. I have even gave away beers and smokes to people sometimes when I had extra ones.

Youse people like Amos and Bowels W. Ell got no shame.

Rapaire is a total flippin' bolthole and a majer flippin' looser most of the time...but I hafta say that he is showin' some flippin' haeart and some flippin' Karacter fer a change by callin' fer donations to help out hosers who are donw on there luck.

Rapaire, maybe you ain't a total dead flippin' dead loss after alls. I gotta hand it to you, man, cos you are tryin' to make a flippin' diffeference, and it takes people like that to, like, take a world that is goin' to the dogs, grab it by the mungoberries, take aholt of the wheel with BOTH hands, and put the flippin' 18-wheeler of sosiety on the path to somethin' flippin' better, eh?

On bee half of flippin' hosers everywhere, Rapaire, I am sayin' thanks, eh? Majorly decent effert on yer part!

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 08 - 09:57 PM

Aw, shucks, it ain't nothin' that any other human being would do.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 09:16 AM

I never figured Bee-Dubya and Amos for neocons.

DISCLAIMER:

Opinions expressed on this thread may be those of fictitious characters or demonic alter-egos and not necessarily those of the kind, loving, generous people who happen to be channeling them.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 09:25 AM

Right. And vice-versa.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 11:08 AM

It's a brand new flippin' day, eh? And it's the flippin' weekend!!! AWRIGHT!!!!!! Do the right flippin' thing today: help a hoser that is in need.

I could use some smokes, eh?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 01:32 PM

Storebought smokes is bad fer ya eh. Like, ya wanna be smokin yer home grown stuff eh. All natural an organic an no sides eh. Them herbisides and pestisides is what causes yer problems. An papers is really bad. Ya wanna stick to a pipe. Not only do ya not get yer carsonogens from the papers, but if seeds blow, yer okay eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Willie-O
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 02:02 PM

I'm a hoser eh. In fact I spent an all-expenses-paid weekend in Mimico once, courtesy of Her Majesty and certain of her sherriffs.

Like, don't make me drink Bud. (Again)

I accept Paypal. Cash is better eh. Just stick it in that loonie-sized slot in yer pc.

W-O

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 02:08 PM

LOL! Well, I hope you find those dollars rolling in shortly, Willie-O.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Slag
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 05:46 PM

As president of the Free Colonic Clinic, I say "Give a man enough hose..." So, I think I know how to help a hoser.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 05:54 PM

I wouldn't mind living on Tim Hortons and Bud.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Peace
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 05:57 PM

I lived on Bud and Sara Lee cakes. Of course, it wasn't called bud in those days . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 06:52 PM

I have never been sure about the tree in the woods crap, but if a turd fell into a Bud and there was one there to witness it, would anyone know the difference?

Happy to send Shane a Bud and turd to try...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Ed T
Date: 07 Jun 08 - 08:10 PM

Donut Day--1st Weekend in June, in fact, yesterday.

When is Hoser day?

National Bicarbonate of Soda Day is December 30


http://library.thinkquest.org/2886/foo.htm


http://www.flickr.com/photos/eonns/2418582272/

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 10:55 AM

I really love to see you all helping those sorry suckers out.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 11:41 AM

Another fine day to post here and get Bill Gates to contribute another 10 bucks to help a hoser!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Peace
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:30 PM

He'll just spend it on beer . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Peace
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:31 PM

Or loose women.



































I'm in for twenty. Anything to help ol' Shane.



























Hey, Shane! Next time you get it up, bronze it.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Peace
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:32 PM

All that and not one mention of pizza.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 01:36 PM

Tim Horton's makes pizza???

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 01:46 PM

They will now.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 08:09 PM

Anyone serves up soup in a bread bowl that ya eat after the soup is gone is capable of anything.

Hmmm... screw Gates. If we could get Tim's ta donate, problem solved. Tim's got more money than Bill, right? I mean, cmon now, Billybob sells a dream that might work someday if the debuggin gets done and who buys that eh? But, Tim's got the cash and carry 24h a day eh. I mean, people line up ta get Tim's before they turn on their piece a shit MS software driven garbage what need ta update everey friggin day so's ya gotta turn it off and on again fer ta.... I need a large double double and a box a bits ta get me shakes under control man.... I GOTTA DRIV THRU... back later eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 08:16 PM

That was close eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 08:20 PM

I mean both... the shakes and Tim's... and, I walked.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 09:06 PM

If I had driven it would have been a gruelling 500m, including the driv thru, but walking through the neighbourhood cuts the distance way down. And it is environmentally the thing to do.

I wish Tim's would get back to environmentally good practice. I remember when they had wooden stir sticks. Back then, the pigeons were employed flying around town to pick up them there stir sticks and bring them back to Tim's for making more coffee. Now, they just hang around yer neighbour's yard and eat seed from the feeders put out for the "pretty" birds... it's hard to watch... sniff.

Dunno why this all minds me a hosers. I guess it's on accounta hosers is kinda like pigeons... too often, they fly inta the picture winda and you gotta clean up the mess.

You know who I'm talkin about. Y'all know a hoser two. >8-)

Do Nate! today eh.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 10:16 PM

Pigeons probably remind you of hosers because hosers sometimes eat pigeons.

Raw.

Reminds them of Tim's sandwiches.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: CarolC
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 10:21 PM

I wish there was an emoticon for a look of shock and horror. Somewhere on this thread, someone has said something bad about Tim Hortons. (!)

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 10:29 PM

Rap... "Pigeons probably remind you of hosers because hosers sometimes eat pigeons." More often the dicey versey.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 Jun 08 - 11:07 PM

Has, like, anyone helped a hoser today? (Hint, hint...)

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Tweed
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 10:49 AM

Go piss up a rope, Shane. Nothin' more worse than a drunken canook with his hand out.

I invite all you bleeding hearts to send yore money to Tweed's Real Estate Fund for Second Life. I'm working on ways to buy an entire continent there that doesn't really even exist.

Thanks for yore Lindens in advance.

Tweed

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 12:28 PM

Still scrounging about in hopes of getting some terminally foolish people to finance your arcane personal endeavours, are you, Tweed? I might have expected as much. Well, when one's first life amounts to so little as yours does, I suppose that having a fictional second or third one to delve into must seem quite appealing.

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 02:26 PM

I helped a hosette taday. I was at Farmer's Coop and her hound had got outta tha pickup thru tha rust hole in the passenger door. I spose it was tryin ta git away from tha younguns on accounta it had ears a lot longer than yer normal hound dog an a "do I look that stupid?" look on it's face when she was talkin all nice and tryin ta cokes him back in.

Now, I fancy myself as someone who knows a bit about yer animules and yer hosers so I waved an asked, "Does he pay tension ta yer man?" An she said "Yup. Wouldya?" So's I walked over by tha door a tha truck, pointed at the hound an then at tha truck an said, "Git yer ass in the truck NOW."

I got a thank yew an a invite ta tha horseshoes an BBQ up Lutz Mountain tanight. But I ain't goin. That there hound dog might be there.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 03:59 PM

Man, most people only dream of the life you are living, gnu... ;-) You are envied, man, envied!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Charlie Farquharson
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 04:18 PM

Every guvmint estimit incloods an extry estimit of how much more it's gonna cost than yer ferst estimit. That's how come they always leeve this big deficit on the floor of yer House. And a deficit is what you've got wen you haven't got as much as if you jist had nothin'. If we tried any of this, we'd end up in jail. But the guvmint gits rid of its detts by Nashnullizing them. That's like the alkyholick who solved his problem by poring the booze in all of his bottles into one big container. Himself.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM

Words of wisdom, Charlie.

When the biggest crook of all (the government) gets to make the rules and administer the courts and justice system, no one can do squat about it, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Charlie Farquharson
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 04:59 PM

Nowadaze Parry Sound looks like most uther towns on this continence, thanks to them branched plants of frenchfrises that has sprung up everywhere--Mickdonald's, Burglar King, Kernel Kadaffy Frayed Chicken. Noware will ya see a sine "Home Cookin'", cuz all our lo-cal burghers is out eaten them malty-nashnul burgurs. This makes everplace into a no place, and it's eezy to fergit ware you is if yer jist passin through at snacktime.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 05:18 PM

Dead right again! Now let's hear about how kids play nowadays, as opposed to when we was young whippersnappers.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 05:48 PM

Charlie? Is that really you? Better be, man or the real Chuck is gonna be pissed. He might get some snowbirds ta come shit on yer windahs er worse, man.

If it is REALLY you, join The Mudcat Café and then nobody but you can use yer name. Like, that would be really cool, eh? You bein a real Canuck icon of yer notes an all eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 07:20 PM

Chuck... if yer readin this, that there thing about the Canuck flag bein adopted an lettin The Union Jack off was the best ever.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 08 - 10:28 PM

Fret not, gnu. Soon you shall be flying the Stars and Stripes, if GWB has his way. And then you can go back to miles and gallons, like God intended.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jun 08 - 09:12 AM

I recommend you come well armed.

Well, here we are. Another fine day on which to help a hoser. Get to it!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 08 - 10:26 PM

I've got two arms, one right and one left. That is, one "sinistre" and one "dexter". This is not a statement that one of my arms is always correct and the other has been deserted by its companion. If you wish, I have one starboard arm and one port (or larboard) arm.

Perhaps the Giant Squid would invade Canada if s/he were asked nicely enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Giant Squid
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 12:46 AM

I don't eat Tim Horton's or Burger King or any of those joints. I am into dogs. Hot dogs. Wiener dogs.

Got dachshunds?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 08:43 AM

Of course they do. Nice tender ones, from the miniature size that's just right to take the edge off the appetite to the full-sized ones that make a light meal (two make a decent meal). There are also the long-haired ones used in the Canadian North to pull sleds, like Sgt. Preston's famous Yukon Squirt, who brought the serum from Whitehorse to Yellowknife -- a few weeks too late, but still the thought was there, sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Polite Guest
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 08:58 AM

From: GUEST,Giant Squid
"I don't eat Tim Horton's or Burger King or any of those joints. I am into dogs. Hot dogs. Wiener dogs. Got dachshunds? "


No, but....would these do?

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 11:34 AM

Dachshunds? We got 'em! More than enough, in fact.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:10 PM

Dachshund -- the other somewhat-similar-to-meat meat!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:13 PM

By the way, the Executive Board of the Help A Hoser Foundation is right now considering the case of "Shane" McBride. Some are arguing that because he recently spent time in a Trappist Monastery in Madagascar he isn't eligible for Foundation benefits.

Time will tell.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 03:19 PM

God. The suspense!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 04:18 PM

There was some white smoke a few minutes ago and I thought that maybe he'd been elected Pope, but it was just one of the Board Members smoking a cigar.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:24 PM

You guys in Idaho generally smoke from both ears when you're trying to think, don't you? I thought that might have been it.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:28 PM

I have reported your comment, LH, to the Board. They had made a decision (I know not what) in the "Shane" case but are now going to reconsider.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 06:32 PM

What has what I say got to do with Shane?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 08:08 PM

Les Trappiste de Madagascar? Pas problem. It is sacred ground, all, la. Le meme chose a Rogersville Monestery dans La Belle Province. Shane might prefer a transfer to New Brunswick.... there are La Trapistettes icit auusi... all virgins.

Oooh la la.

(Shane.... pussy.)

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 08 - 10:57 PM

You seem to have insulted Idahoers Idahoans.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jun 08 - 09:01 AM

Perhaps...although I was not really referring to all Idahoans, but rather to just those in the Board of your Idaho Legion.

Still, what does that have to do with Shane?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 08 - 09:58 AM

These people are not the Bored of the Idaho Legion, but the Governing Board of the Help A Hoser Foundation.

By insulting them you have done Shane's cause little, if any, good.

The Legion Bored deals mostly with disciplinary problems, such as when Ashley Surgate threw "Whitey" Slimman of the balcony of the hovel and into the Portneuf River, spraining both of Whitey's ankles.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 08:38 AM

Well, the decision is in, or out, as you prefer. "Shane" McBride has been removed from the Top Spot on the Help A Hoser list, but has not been removed entirely. He switches places with some dude in Decimal, Manitoba, and moves to number 97; the Manitoba Hoser replaces "Shane" at number 1. The Board did this not to punish "Shane" but to let Little Hawk know that he must take responsibility for his words and actions.

The cause of "Shane" McBride will be reconsidered when he reaches the number 10 spot; in the meantime, "Buddy" Grooms of Decimal will be receiving a lifetime certificate for Tim Horton's, a lifetime certificate from the Canadian Brewery Institute, and a debit card that automatically renews itself when the balance falls below CDN $100.00.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 12:47 PM

FLIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That flippin' idiot corkpuller Buddy Grooms in Manitoba is dead if I ever get aholt of him. Dead. You hear me? He is deader than last week's roadkill, man.

I can not flippin' BELEEVE what I am hearin' here, eh? This must be a bad flippin' dream! JEEZUS FLIP!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 01:11 PM

Youse guys have really done it now. Shane just got flippin' arrested again, eh? He went flippin' nuts over to the liberry, picked up the liberry compyuter there and threw it flippin' acrost the room and it got busted all to pieces. The liberry staff called the flippin' cops. Offiser Dana and Offisers McCann and Jessup come flyin' over in 3 squad cars and they drug the boy off screamin' in handcuffs. Holy flip! What a flippin' row, eh?

I gotta feelin' they are gonna lock him up fer quite awhiles this time, eh?

It is too bad. We had a keg party planned fer the weekend. We will just have to have it without the little brother.

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 03:03 PM

We should all look upon Shane's incarceration, unfortunate as it may seem, as a blessing in disguise. Now he'll have a chance to avail himself of the vocational education programs available through our northern neighbour's progressive corrections policies. This could be the opportunity Shane's long needed to leave hoserhood behind and become a valuable and productive member of society.

Or maybe not.

He'll probably just fall in with some real low-lifes and become a genuine criminal when he gets out.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 03:05 PM

Little Hawk must bear the responsibility, for it was his comments that caused the Board's decision.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 04:26 PM

I think it to be a travesty of justice, Rapaire, that you would punish one man for the verbal transgressions of another. You, sir, are not fit to represent the Help a Hoser Foundation any longer, and I demand that you resign your post forthwith.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 05:01 PM

Yes! Forthwith! And withforth, too, also, and as well!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 06:58 PM

My position? Sitting? Prone? Standing? Kneeling? Crouching?

Be specific, man! Which position do you have in mind??

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 07:27 PM

I don't get it....why do they need help? This guy looks like he is in good shape to me.

Is this some sort of secret language no one explained to me? I shall send NO funds until I am sure of the truth!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 08:57 PM

That is not a flippin' hoser! That is a "hose man". There's a difference, eh? When you've been flippin' hosed by a hose man...yer all wet! But when yer a flippin' hoser, yer....uhh....yer...



Never mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 08 - 09:42 PM

Most people are unaware that a hoser is Quebec is called a "Hoosier".

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jun 08 - 09:36 PM

*musing about the etymology of "hosanna" and "Hosea"*

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 03:22 AM

I expect Shane has been "in the highest" a few times.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 09:47 AM

The Foundation is also going to require random drug testing. If no drugs are found in your system your funding will be cut off.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 11:12 AM

Does Viagra count?

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 11:42 AM

Poor Shane would be getting cut off on a daily basis, then.

Of course, he's in jail now. That might help some.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 02:00 PM

Dang! I am so pissed! Dale and Del just got the truck back from the compound after all the tests and was planning ta come visit. Now, they'll probably end up comin ta Moncton ta visit me. Son of a PUP!

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 04:54 PM

Spread word that you got "ate by a bear" and skip town for a week or two.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 05:09 PM

I'd have ta skip town fer good amongst the lads up country. They don't approve of yer modern sexual differentiations.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 05:09 PM

Better yet, hang a note on yer front door that says:

Del & Dale,

Sorry if I've missed you. I had to take the postman to the hospital 'cause my new pit bull, Killer, chewed him up pretty good. I'm pretty sure it was just a fluke 'cause Killer usually only eats cats. He's prob'ly only bit three or four other humans.

Anyway, Killer's inside the house. You guys know where the spare key is. Go ahead and let yourselves in and make friends with Killer.

Be back in a few hours.

G

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 05:15 PM

I am back after I got my cookies down.

Bwl... I can see it now... a note...

"Dearest Gary... someone stole yer new dawg. Musta been the same SOB what stole all yer beer an smokes." An no signature.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 05:19 PM

LH, I think you misread my post regarding the random drug testing.

Subject: RE: BS: Help A Hoser Foundation
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 06:26 PM

Shit! You're right, I did misread it.

I was wrong. Shane is "in like Flynn" when it comes to your new random drug testing. He's never clean.

Now if we can just get him out of the slammer...