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BS: The RCMP needs your assistance
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Subject: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: number 6 Date: 10 Mar 06 - 12:10 AM If anyone out there in all the small towns and villages across rural Canada see an industrial grey colored 1950 DeSoto sedan with a monkey wearing a pork pie hat at the wheel, sorta lookin like Dexter Gordon and some guy in the passegner seat,sorta lookin' like bob Dylan, please contact the RCMP immediately. They are very dangerous copycats and must be apprehended immediately for the sake of public sanity. sIx |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Mar 06 - 01:05 AM For a moment I thought someone was trying to finger Chongo, but it can't be him. He's an ape. He gets really mad when people call him a monkey. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: sian, west wales Date: 10 Mar 06 - 04:34 AM I can understand why they need assistance: the rule is (as defined in the BNA Act I believe) that the Mounties Always Get Their Man. Nothing in the rule book about monkeys. siân |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Cluin Date: 10 Mar 06 - 04:44 AM Yet another Canadian "road" film in the making? Is Bruce McDonald involved? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Mar 06 - 08:19 AM Have no fear! The copycat police are on the case! Dedicated to the eradication of copycat threads everywhere, they'll call the thread "stoopid" and "dumbass". Then they'll rail about the waste of the precious bandwidth, the most valuable comodity known to man, which is becoming increasingly rare as several of the major bandwidth mines in North Dakota have recently been completely mined out. Thr RCMP would be well-advised to just step aside and let the real pros handle this one. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: GUEST,number 6 Date: 10 Mar 06 - 09:24 AM A farmer from just outside Midhurst Ontario phoned the RCMP this morning to say he saw 2 individuals that matched the suspect's description, trying to dress a ghost up as a goat out in his fields. The 2 immediatatly scadoodled into their car and took of when the farmer approached them. sIx |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Mar 06 - 09:45 AM Police throughout the midwestern United States are reporting sporadic outbreaks of violence in public libraries and Internet cafés as irate forum posters have descended upon them en masse chanting "Death to the infidel copycats!" and "There is no thread but The One True Thread!" Officials in California have cancelled vacations for all emergency personnel in anticipation of the unrest heading their way. An un-named police official in Humboldt County was heard to remark, "These weirdos out here don't really need a reason to get slap-happy. This copycat stuff'll be as good a reason as any. Lock and load, boys!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: GUEST,number 6 Date: 10 Mar 06 - 09:59 AM Latest on our 2 favourite copycat felons ... A Tim Horton's just outside of Midland Ontario recently reported 2 suspicious characters sauntering in and asking for a prune Danish ... when the Tim Horton's employe apologized about not having any, they became rather agitated, the Bob Dylan looking guy shouted 'loosers' to everyone and then they ran out. A spokesman for the RCMP wanted to assure the public that they are on the trail of these 2 exterme copycats and they will soon be apprehended. Copycats have to be stopped for the sake of public sanity, and we have to come down hard, real hard on the likes of these he added. sIx |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: jacqui.c Date: 10 Mar 06 - 10:17 AM Definitely a case for punishment by SPATULA! Mr Shatner will be glad to administer such punishment as is necessary. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Peace Date: 10 Mar 06 - 10:19 AM Be still my beating heart! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Mar 06 - 11:05 AM In a press release from United Bandwidth Mining and Processing, Inc., company officials are attempting to reassure the Web-using public that bandwidth supplies are adequate for foreseeable usage forecasts. Said company spokesperson Miriam Mountcastle: "While it's true that a few bandwidth mines in the Dakotas have been mined out, we are doing everything within our power to assure that supplies remain at or exceed current levels. We are actively negotiating import deals with a number of countries where bandwidth supplies are high. We have contracted for the construction of a fleet of bandwidth supertankers to handle the expected influx of foreign bandwidth. Meanwhile, our experimental studies centered around extracting usable bandwidth from seawater are continuing and are beginning to show real promise." In other news, the Bush administration has offered full assistance to Canadian authorities in their search for the elusive bandwidth-wasting copycats. In an afternoon press conference, presidential spokesman Brett Bagnutz said, in part, that plans are in action to convert the terrorist holding facilities at Guantanamo Bay into a copycat detention center "just as soon as we can get those pesky terrorists out of there". |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: GUEST Date: 10 Mar 06 - 11:14 AM Last spring Boy George and Tiny Tim impersonators tiptoed through the tulips in front of the lodge at ST. Andrews By The Sea , New Brunswick. They caused considerable damage to the flowerbed and the RCMP have been hot on the case ever since. When RCMP Inspector Hackattack was interviewed by ATV news he stated that number 6 had a strong alibi and was no longer a leading suspect. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: GUEST,Number 6 Date: 10 Mar 06 - 01:47 PM It's true, on the day at issue I was most certainly in Saint Andrews By the Sea, but at the time in question I can be seen (on video) in a New Brunswick Liqour Board store loading up a cart of numerous flats of Moosehead beer. gnu and Talahouse were also in Saint Andrews that very day and caused quite a stir with the local teenagers by being mistaken as Boy George and Tiny Tim. BTW, Inspector RCMP Hackattack is currently up on corruption charges. sIx |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 10 Mar 06 - 02:06 PM How do the Mounties get those flashing blue and red lights to work on their horses? I know the dogsleds have 12 volt batteries. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Peace Date: 10 Mar 06 - 02:15 PM The flashing blue and red lights don't have to work, actually. It's to let the drivers know which side of the vehicle to enter. Same for the dogsleds and horses. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Rapparee Date: 10 Mar 06 - 03:07 PM Members of the RCMP have been spotted hovering and loitering around the Legion Hovel here. When, in a rare display of cooperation, representatives of the local police, the country sheriff's office, the Secret Service and the FBI approached the RCMP and asked what was going on they were told that "a load of contraband Labatt's and Moosehead" was suspected. They satisfied the US authorities that their mission was condoned by the US Department of Justice as part of an international counter-terrorism pact between Canada and the US. One member of the local police suggested that wearing scarlet coats and Smokey-Bear hats while on horseback on stake-out wasn't good police practice, but the FBI and the Secret Service could find nothing wrong with it. Visitors to the Legion Hovel have been using the side door. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Mar 06 - 03:33 PM An organization (and we use the word loosely) calling themselves the "Monkey See, Monkey Do Brigade" ("MSMD Brigade" for short) has claimed responsibility for the kidnapping of Mudcat moderator Joe Offer and several of his "clones". They are being held at a Holiday Inn Express in Toledo, Ohio. The location was chosen "because it's the only place we could imagine that's worse than Guantanamo" according to one MSMD Brigade member. As of this writing, a list of demands has yet to be compiled by the MSMD Brigade, but several members are indicating that "Yo! Lighten up, dude!" will be first on the list. In a related story, an organization calling themselves the "Microsoft Must Die Brigade" ("MSMD Brigade" for short... sound familiar?) has filed suit against the Monkey See, Monkey Do Brigade for copyright and trademark infringement. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: freightdawg Date: 10 Mar 06 - 03:53 PM I was terribly disappointed when I opened this thread. I thought it was going to be about a new group of protectionists called the.... Royal Content of the Mudcat Police... and there I was ready to raise my paw as a founding member. sigh, I guess I must wait for another day. Freightdawg |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: number 6 Date: 10 Mar 06 - 04:05 PM Latest communication from the MSMD Brigade is that they will consider freeing Joe Offer once he reverses Peace's breach of probation in the 'copycat' charge. Meanwhile back in Alberta Peace has issued the following statement ... "doesn't matter what Juvenile Detention centre they decide to throw me in due to my breach of probation, I got some friends about that will help me bust out". sIx |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Rapparee Date: 10 Mar 06 - 05:00 PM Dear Lord, he ended a sentence with a preposition??? For that his sentence should be lengthened!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 11 Mar 06 - 03:58 AM In Newmarket, someone stole the toilets while the Police Station was unattended. Police report they have nothing to go on. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: gnu Date: 11 Mar 06 - 11:14 AM As sIx pointed out, I was in Saint Andrew's by the Sea on the day in question. Unfortunately, I wasn't at the liquor store and the, ah, er, farmers I visited in the near, mountainous regions close to the Maine border do not allow video or still cameras near their, ah, er, farms. On a related note, an eight hour stand-off occured yesterday on West Main Street in Moncton. A gunman walked into the Econolodge Hotel Bar and ordered the janitor and the barkeep out. Then, he drew down on a VLT (Video Lottery Terminal) player and said, "I was playing that machine before I went for a piss and you saw me put my beer on that stool. Get the fuck away from MY machine." The patron obliged, but is thought to have exited rather than moving to another VLT. RCMP rushed to the scene and cordoned off the area. They, of course, ended the police line just before Tim Horton's. And,yup, it's true, set up a Media Control Centre in Tim's. (As if they needed the extra business.) The standoff ended with a surrender and no shots fired. I figure, either buddy ran out of coin for the VLT, or Tim's ran out of doughnuts for the Queen's Cowboys. Boy George? Maybe with some makeup and a fashionable hat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: gnu Date: 11 Mar 06 - 01:27 PM Of course, I wouldn't say that to Boy's face. Ever see that lad(?)? He's a big bugger. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: gnu Date: 11 Mar 06 - 01:34 PM Buggerer? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: number 6 Date: 11 Mar 06 - 02:30 PM Hmmm, visiting one of the farms where ya gnu ?!?! (good one gnu) I heard that the guy involved in that standoff in Moncton was upset by losing a signifcant amount of money on one of those VLT's the nite before. All in all the Queens Cowboy's certainly did their job ...wonder if they had to pay for those doughnuts and coffee? sIx |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: gnu Date: 11 Mar 06 - 03:01 PM Hehehehe. I am sure the lads got enough doughnut holes to keep them a dog's age. Yeeees b'y. What could be more "gamblin" than losin to a machine? Gamblin on Dorchester? |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: gnu Date: 11 Mar 06 - 03:06 PM As fer the farms, I have never done business with them Yankee draft dodgers. Well, not in the last 25 years. And, even then, it was only fer recreational purposes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Rapparee Date: 11 Mar 06 - 05:27 PM Yeah, and you never inhaled. Or at least not much, and besides, you were all in grad school. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: number 6 Date: 11 Mar 06 - 07:27 PM It is said that some of the best crops in Canada come from those Yankee Draft dodger farms. They also keep the Queen's Cowboys saddled up and busy. I do know that one of those expatriate Yankee's has a grain/grist mill and makes superb organic flour (and that is the truth). sIx |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: gnu Date: 11 Mar 06 - 08:38 PM Yup. Yer BC Green and yer SenseAmillions ain't shit ta what the Yankee draft dodgers from the conflict got in the hills a New Brunswick. I ain't been to it in a dog's age, but, them there dogs can bark. And sang. Some serious Bluegreass and Trad and Country. Now, some may say, that's tellin the Yellow Stripes. Ain't no matter. They know. They just wish they had such a green thumb, so's the government could grow somethin worth buyin. Then, they could tax it. As it is, they can't tax the tunes that come out of the hills. Thank goodness!!! See ya next Saturday from 2 ta 5 PM! Rosin up eh!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: GUEST Date: 12 Mar 06 - 06:27 AM Insp. Hackattack has been cleared of all corruption charges except for taking free Tim Horton doughnuts at several NB outlets. For that he was demoted to constable and spent 3 months following the Musocal Ride with a pushbroom. He was then assigned to Carmanville Newfoundland with orders to re-open and solve the cold case file of the Aunt Martha's Sheep murder. When that is complete he will return to NB to investigate grow opps in them thar hills. He is really pissed off at number 6 and his friends as he suspects them of finking on him about Tim Hortons. He says it was a "red herring" to get him off of the St Andrews Tulip Bed case. He says if he catches you guys smoking tulip petals or anything stronger you'll all be invited by The Queen to vacation at Dorchester Castle. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: gnu Date: 12 Mar 06 - 08:57 AM I'd rather go to Renous By The Renous. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Mar 06 - 09:56 AM RCMP - Rural Connecticut Monkey Police? LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: GUEST Date: 12 Mar 06 - 02:06 PM If you get a real good lawyer he may even get you an invitation to Springhill Palace where I am told there is a better chef and a larger big screen TV. I think that if you want to play golf or take your horse though you will need a transfer to BC. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Rapparee Date: 12 Mar 06 - 09:44 PM True story. Really. Back when I was in the Military Police, the company was assigned "civic duty" helping the Colorado Springs Police and the Colorado State Police with traffic control during an appearance of the RCMP "musical riders." Now, here we have cops from three different forces representing two countries. Know what they talked about? How to shine your boots properly. |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: number 6 Date: 12 Mar 06 - 11:02 PM How many ways can ya spit on boot to get the best shine? six |
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Subject: RE: BS: The RCMP needs your assistance From: Rapparee Date: 13 Mar 06 - 08:23 AM Don't use spit, use water, cotton balls, and lots and lots and lots and lots of time. Or use Kiwi "Honor Guard" instant spit shine, but don't let your sergeant catch you. |
