BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Jeri
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 05:38 PM

Tom, I love John's police reports, but I'm not so sure about the limerick. (A cruiser driving Lowell at night...)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: ClaireBear
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 04:43 PM

Couple cited for having sex on front lawn of Santa Cruz City Hall
May 6, 2009


Police cited a man and arrested a woman who allegedly were having sex on the front lawn of City Hall late Wednesday morning.

City employees called 911 around 11:25 a.m. after seeing the couple under a white blanket on the grass near the Human Resources Department, police said.

The couple was still going at it when officers arrived. Police reported they were nude from the waist down.

Zachary Clow, 32, was cited for lewd conduct on public property. Shannon Baltzell, 29, was arrested and taken to County Jail after she refused to sign a ticket for the same offense, police said.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 04:21 PM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

From the Rochester (NH) Times

Monday, June 29

1:06 a.m. -- Yelling on Willow Brook Drive wakes a slumbering citizen. Drink is at the bottom of it.
11:01 a.m. -- A Portland Street landlord, cleaning out after a tenant, discovers his place has gone to pot. Literally.
12:10 p.m. -- On King Street a gentleman makes quite a splash by urinating out of a third-story window.
2:34 p.m. -- A Cornerstone Court landlord would like the removal of an ex-tenant, who is described as "very irate.
4:01 p.m. -- An East Rochester man reports that his ex-wife, her boyfriend, and her sister have broken into his house, smashed windows, destroyed contents and made off with several items awarded to him in the divorce settlement. In a twist of the blade, they continually drive by in a green SUV also awarded to him.

Tuesday, June 30
12:04 a.m. -- On Knight Street at Cumberland Farms, a man with tattooed neck and arms, steals a sandwich.
8:17 p.m. -- After a disturbance on Chestnut Street, a man is taken into protective custody for alcoholism.
8:29 p.m. -- In Gonic, a bar patron parks his truck on someone's property and reportedly threatens to beat up the property owner when asked to move. The victim calls back later to cancel the call, explaining that he had not realized the parker was a family member.

Wednesday, July 1
12:32 a.m. -- Police encounter three juveniles near the radio station on Rochester Hill. One mother says she has been drinking and cannot pick her son up, but adds she is fine with him being out as he is with a cousin, seeking a bike.
2:14 a.m. -- Malcolm Dwight Young, 24, of 17 Glenwood Ave., 7, is charged with driving after suspension and disobeying an officer, after a traffic stop on Pine Street.
10:38 a.m. -- A Salmon Falls Road resident is spitting in a neighbor's driveway again.
12:41 p.m. -- A man with a hat and a long beard sits on a North Main Street porch that is not his, sipping on a beer. He has gone, pushing a cart, when police check the area.
4:08 p.m. -- On Punch Brook Way, a son with a knife, hits his mother with a shoe, instead.

Thursday, July 2
12:53 a.m. -- A cruiser driving Lowell at night, has passed a bike without a light; a U-turn's made to catch the blade, but he has vanished out of sight.
1:00 a.m. -- There's yelling and swearing in Union Street parking lot... it is just the bars emptying.
2:32 a.m. -- A group of knaves mill on Knight Street.
2:36 a.m. -- Two vehicles pause on Eastern Avenue to let occupants yell and scream at each other.
7:06 p.m. -- Police are called to Lafayette Street to deal with an unwanted person who "won't shut up, won't go to sleep and won't leave." Mr. Unpopular chooses Option 3.
7:37 p.m. -- Two men stagger down Summer Street. A passing car gets punched. One gent is not supposed to be drinking and is taken to the county jail.
8:51 p.m. -- A woman reports that her husband has taken all the vehicles and the car seats. She is referred to her divorce attorney.
11:10 p.m. -- Half a dozen teens are creating a din in Linscott Apartments' parking lot. Several people have yelled out of the windows to keep quiet, but the racket continues.

Friday, July 3
1:54 a.m. -- On Glen Street, yelling and screaming is officially deemed to be verbal.
8:58 a.m. -- An English sheepdog is rounding the S curves on Salmon Falls Road.
9:26 a.m. -- At the station a man has paperwork from the sheriff saying he can remove his things within 28 days, but the property owner has locked him out.
11:15 p.m. -- A number of calls come in from Kim Lane reporting a slam... and another slam... and another slam. It may be fireworks.
11:20 p.m. -- Dirt bikes with no lights speed up and down Chestnut Street.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 05:05 PM

A hole appeared in the road outside the Police Station... the Police are looking into it!
The Police dog section building was burgled... The Police have no leads!
A burglar fell into a cement drive whilst making an exit from a local house... Police are looking for a 'hardened' criminal.
A toilet was stolen from a local Police Station... The Police have nothing to go on!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Irene M
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 04:23 PM

In Wales, a man dialled 999 one night to report a strange bright light in the sky above the houses opposite.
The police went out in response, and reported back afterwards "It was the moon".

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 11:46 AM

Quite possibly the funniest 'local news item' I read, was a report of a firework planted in a dog poo bin. The explosion rattled the windows of nearby homes...

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 11:27 AM

Pig wresting is not really funny for the pig.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 11:12 AM

* Someone on East Griffen Drive reported "a huge cat problem."

Deputies responded to Summer Ridge Road, where an unknown individual was ringing doorbells at 1 a.m.

Several horses were loose on Kelly Canyon Road.

A bear was spotted digging through trash on Ousel Falls Road.

A woman called reporting a pig was injured during a "Pig Wrestling Event" at the Headwaters Country Jam.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 10:44 PM

From today's report:

* Employees at a business on Tschache Lane employed fishing nets to try and catch a magpie that was flying around the store about 11:30 a.m.

* A man broke into a woman's home on West Beall Street through a bedroom window to retrieve a toolbox that he claimed was stolen from him several months ago. The woman said she was not aware that the toolbox had been in her bedroom closet.

* * A basketball coach in Ennis was threatened by a disgruntled parent.

* A dog chased a man around a neighborhood near John Deere Street running after the man's car.

* A hay bale was on fire in a field in front of a church on South 19th Avenue around 10:30 a.m.

* A repo man was told to follow his company's policy on returning personal property in vehicles they were repossessing after a deputy determined that a gun found in a car the man was taking was not stolen. The man also found a syringe needle in the console. He was told to destroy it.

* A woman couldn't stain her deck because three dogs were running loose in the area. She described them as a "beagle, a little white hairy thing and a medium white hairy thing."

* A woman said her neighbors were keeping an alligator, birds and a couple of dogs but were not taking care of them.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 04:44 PM

A few from this week's Rochester (NH) Times:

Monday, June 8

12:02 a.m. — On Lafayette Street, a woman has been "screaming for to get out of her vehicle" for three-quarters of an hour. The caller declines to look out the window to get a description.

9:06 a.m. — A caller says a dead puppy, perhaps a Chihuahua, is lying in Salmon Falls Road. Police say it is a porcupine. (A Chihuahua is spineless.)

3:31 p.m. — A man got a check for lottery winnings that turned out to be fake. (That's odd!) Now he has to report it to get his money back from the bank.

10:05 p.m. — On Congress Street, police check out a drinking party with wild music, a huge bonfire and a scanner. When they arrive, everyone is quietly playing darts. Hmm.

10:38 p.m. — At Cold Spring Manor, juveniles with sticks are chasing a skunk. The caller is afraid for the children.

11:25 p.m. — On Lafayette Street, a shirtless man and his pard, are loud and drunk.

Tuesday, June 9

7:59 a.m. — Fireworks splutter on Springfield Court.

3:49 p.m. — A wallet is found near the Getty on Hancock.

4:35 p.m. — An Edgerly Way woman says she has received a call from a "company" asking probing questions about her credit cards.

5:15 p.m. — A grandmother reports that her daughter may be chasing her granddaughter (that's the grandmother's granddaughter) around the house with a metal bat.

6:48 p.m. — A worker at the 306 Restaurant complains of fliers on parked cars that discriminate against the business.


9:55 p.m. — People on Roseberry Lane have their power turned off and are now running a generator night and day to the chagrin of some on North Cranberry Lane.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 07:02 PM

A noise complaint brought deputies to a house on Erik Drive where the resident was playing his bass guitar after 10:30 p.m. He was arrested on two bench warrants and taken to the Gallatin County Detention Center.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 06:43 PM

After locking himself in a pair of handcuffs, a man called police to borrow a key after 11:30 p.m. The man requested to meet with police on the porch in the alley of North Black Avenue, but the officer did not have the right key and advised him to go to the hospital.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Jeri
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 10:25 AM

I love John's police reports and playing 'find the rhyme'. Not the only one from the above, but (stanzafied):
[Thursday, June 4, 3:58 a.m. — ]

On Heaton Street, folks yell and swear,
Some window glass is broken,
A blood trail leads to who knows where,
While neighbors are all woken.

Then there's the alliteration, the snark, the 'grieves full sore', and the rest.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 10:05 AM

Monday, June 1

7:41 a.m. — A suspiciously scruffy man is spotted near the Northeast Credit Union ATM. He is described as "sketchy," which could mean he looks drawn.
1:28 p.m. — Video is available showing theft of clothes from a washing machine on Signal Street. It is the thief who should now come clean.
6:24 p.m. — At the Common, a man in his 60s asked an 8-year-old for a bite of his doughnut, and then put his arm around the child and said, "Oh, you're a sweet boy," which disturbed his mother.
7:15 p.m. — At the station, a man reports being threatened by an ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend — who is texting him ominously even as he relates his fears to dispatch.
11:49 p.m. — On Ledgeview Drive, yelling and screaming is judged to be verbal in nature. Police come, police go and it erupts all over again. One lady, distraught by a boyfriend breakup, walks into a field to be alone. Police return to give everyone a final warning.
Tuesday, June 2

12:53 a.m. — Men are thought to be bawling at each other on Pine Street, but they are both yelling for a dog.
8:01 a.m. — A lady whose brown hair is tied with a yellow ribbon is knocking on doors on Ledgeview Drive. Police find she has a state permit to do so, and is linked to education, somehow.
11:04 p.m. — On Columbus avenue, a highly intoxicated man is alternatively asking ladies for a kiss and yelling at joggers. The dilemma created by female joggers is not addressed.

Wednesday, June 3
7:42 a.m. — On Old Milton Road, business flyers flit around. Police remind a businessman it is not allowed. If it happens again, other paperwork could be triggered.
5:30 p.m. — A litter complaint is made concerning an area adjacent to Route 125. It involves paper, not puppies.
6:47 p.m. — On Pine Street, a lady says that her friend Eddie has just been punched by a kid.
10:23 p.m. — An officer bags a dead cat on North Main Street. The owner arrives and grieves full sore for her pet.
10:59 p.m. — Yelling and banging is elevated to a disturbance on Harvard Street.

Thursday, June 4
3:58 a.m. — On Heaton Street, folks yell and swear, some window glass is broken, a blood trail leads to who knows where, while neighbors are all woken.
12:55 p.m. — Graffiti is found on the rear of the library building. It is regarded as criminal mischief rather than a sign of literacy.
5:47 p.m. — On Moores Court, a daughter being kicked out of the house says her mother is throwing some of her stuff in the street, but not the right stuff.
6:19 p.m. — At Wyandotte Falls, a man says he bought a rocking chair from a women in another apartment but changed his mind because it didn't look right. The woman took the chair back but didn't return the $50. Police then get a call from a woman asking them to settle a dispute about a chair. A man, perhaps he who went off his rocker, has allegedly threatened to hit her and now she fears for her life.
6:31 p.m. — The Burger King manager has a beef with a man who has a gun tucked in his waistband. Police find the pistol is properly permitted. The citizen agrees to "carry the gun properly," Burger King lets him back in and everyone is happy.
8:16 p.m. — An ongoing neighbor dispute on Eastern Avenue kicks back into life with an outbreak of swearing by a man at a woman.

Friday, June 5
12:40 a.m. — An inebriated soul in Union Street parking lot is relocated to the county farm.
8:02 p.m. — Trees are being cut down at Gonic Mill, possibly to fuel a party.
10:59 p.m. — On Pine Street, people are drinking noisily. Slurping or worse?

Saturday, June 6
12:29 a.m. — On Pine Street, Ryan Reason, 23, of 23 Pinecrest Drive, Somersworth is charged with being a suspicious subject and arrested on a bench warrant. This comes in the wake of a report about a man urinating on a truck.
2:02 a.m. — In the station lobby, a man reports that someone who threatened him in Slim's has followed up with a sinister message on MySpace.
10:21 a.m. — A blue Volvo comes into a Washington Street driveway, a man yells at the house, and then takes off.
10:38 a.m. — On Strafford Road, a ride-on mower has been ridden off.
1:21 p.m. — Someone is stuck in the police station elevator. Her name is kept secret.
2:51 p.m. — On Heaton, some folks yell and swear, when throats get parched they chug some beer.
10:54 p.m. — Fireworks are fired on Lafayette.

Sunday, June 7
12:23 p.m. — Ladies fight on Margaret Street. One is punched in the face. The other is shoved to the ground and stays down for the count.
10:26 a.m. — A Myrtle Street man reports a woman "acting crazy" has broken his window.
12:40 p.m. — Fifteen fellows fight on Charles. The instigator is described as (no surprises) shirtless.
5:02 p.m. — A Dry Hill Road man, locked out of his home by a mortgage company, obtains official access to discover it has been ransacked and his gun collection has been stolen.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 09:41 AM

From today's report:

Someone on Michael Grove Avenue informed police that the neighbor's dog was in the process of befouling their lawn shortly after 10 a.m.

Bags of "poo" were left on a Highland Blvd. resident's doorstep several times before he called it in. He also advised officers that one bag came with a note asking him to pick up his dog's "poo."

Officers were advised to keep a lookout for a "husky male" caught peeing on a man's lawn on Granite Avenue.
(I wonder if that is a husky breed dog or a man whose build is husky).

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 20 Jun 09 - 10:29 AM

* A resident of Boylan Road asked to speak with an officer "about noise associated with tee time at the golf course."

* Around 11 p.m., a woman reported that her neighbor was outside "shooting off his loud mouth" and she wanted him to stop.

* A couple in a "purplish Pontiac" was taking pictures of it around 8 p.m. Wednesday at Hyalite Dam and the caller thought they were acting suspiciously.

* A sheep escaped from a field on Frontage Road.

* Teenage boys were trying to destroy playground equipment at Ridgeview Elementary School in River Rock around 1:30 p.m. and "got mouthy" when the caller asked them to stop.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Gurney
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 12:40 AM

A local identity called 111 (our emergency #)because he'd disturbed a thief stealing "all the heads off his dope" plantation. He recognised the thief, who was arrested green-handed by grinning officers.

The thief remarked the he "thought nobody would be daft enough to report him for stealing dope."

Both charged.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 13 Jun 09 - 10:39 AM

* A deputy checked Headwaters State Park and had "nothing to report but people enjoying the nice day."

* Officers were unable to locate some people who were reported "to be doing illegal things" on a trail near Goldenstein Lane around 12:30 a.m.

* An officer thanked a man from Civilian Air Patrol who was sitting in the middle of a parking lot with a lantern on Davis Lane around 2 a.m. providing security for the new dinosaur park.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: John P
Date: 12 Jun 09 - 01:12 PM

My ex used to write the police blotter report for a local newspaper. Some of my favorites:

An armless man was drunk and violent in a tavern. When the police arrive he starts hitting them with his stumps. They have a hard time restraining him because he doesn't have any hands for the handcuffs. The headline, of course: "Police are Stumped"

Two people steal several bags of groceries from a store. They get caught because, as they leave the parking lot, they get in an argument, get out of the car in the middle of a busy four lane road, and start hitting each other with slabs of stolen meat.

Someone tries to steal a cash machine by chaining it to their truck's bumper and hitting the gas. The bumper comes off, and the would-be thief drives away in fear, leaving his bumper -- and his license plate -- behind.

One from California: A man gets convicted of a crime and talks his brother into serving his time for him. Being a good brother, he goes to visit his sibling in jail, carrying not only his ID but a gun.

It seems that many people turn to a life of crime because they are too stupid to do anything else.

On the other hand, the fact that my wife was reading police reports from both the city and the county allowed her to alert the police to a violent rapist who was picking up prostitutes and doing things like burning them with his cigarette lighter. There were two police reports, with the incidences a couple of blocks apart from each other, but in different jurisdictions. The police were able to catch him sooner than they would have otherwise.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 12 Jun 09 - 09:49 AM

Saturday, May 23


9:42 a.m. — At the station, a lady reports that a gentleman against whom she has a no contact order, yelled oxymoronically, "Don't worry, I won't say anything," as they passed in Walmart.

2:00 p.m. — Police track down a suspected DWI, swerving all over Ten Rod Road. There was indeed a drink problem. A kid had dropped a milkshake in the vehicle.

6:35 p.m. — A six-foot tall bald man is running on Ten Rod Road with his pants undone. Police are there in a flash but see nothing.

8:17 p.m. — A lady is refusing to let a gentleman leave a room at Hi-Vu Motor Inn and has reportedly shoved him. During a second call, during which the man gains his freedom, dispatch hears "Bring me the money you owe me," yelled, while a door slams. Liberated, the man no longer cares about the shove.

9:21 p.m. — A man, possibly from the Lone Star State, calls to report a message he received from Rochester in which someone threatens to shoot him in the head and (redundantly) push his wheelchair off a cliff. He is advised to contact police in Victoria, Texas, whereupon he says he will ask the FBI to get involved.

Sunday, May 24

9:49 a.m. — In the lobby, a man reports that a friend punched him in the face, threw him downstairs and kicked him out of his own apartment. Fortunately, enemies were not involved.

11:37 p.m. — On Cove Court, a man registers his distress at a breakup with his girlfriend by smashing her windows out with his fist.

Monday, May 25.

6:28 p.m. — A Brock Street woman wants her husband's friend removed, but says her husband wants his friend to stay, Drink's involved and possibly is disapproved, No prob., says friend, I'm leaving anyway.

Tuesday, May 26

12:40 p.m. — Near Walmart, a young man bedecked in jeans is holding up a sign begging for change. It is unclear if he is in poverty or a disappointed Obama supporter.

Wednesday, May 27

8:19 p.m. — On Jackson Street, a man who lent a friend money says he was given a 4-wheeler as collateral. No money has been repaid so he is trying to sell the vehicle, and is being accused by the original owner of stealing it. Police tell him to take the matter to civil court.

Thursday, May 28

3:34 p.m. — There's a sickly-looking llama in a cage down on Old Dover Road. Animal control will check on its welfare.

3:49 p.m. — There's a dead deer in the river, and it won't float off again, says an East Rochester resident. Does she have to pray for rain?

Friday, May 29

6:04 p.m. — A car is "all over the Spaulding Turnpike," and is equally erratic on Route 11. A driver emerges and "stumbles" into Walmart. Police find he is the victim of excruciating toothache.

Saturday, May 30

11:45 p.m. — A bicyclist, who says he has "a badge," quizzes citizens on Common Street. Police quiz him. He is wearing a junior officer plastic badge, and says the original complainants were giving him a hard time, asking if he was an officer.

Sunday, May 31

2:45 p.m. — A Partridge Green man says he was cleaning his gun at his living room table went it went off. Ooops!

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 12 Jun 09 - 12:12 AM

- A woman was unhappy with her husband's comments about her after she started a grease fire in a pan while "trying to fry chicken livers in a moderate state of inebriation" around 2 a.m.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 12 Jun 09 - 12:10 AM

- A boy's bicycle was stolen from a home on Michael Grove Avenue and a girl's bike was left in its place.

- A man reported that his wife was spending his money around town.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 06 Jun 09 - 12:21 PM

* An officer responded to a report of an injured baby crow in a man's backyard. The crow was examined by a vet, got a clean bill of health and was returned to the nest.

* Three people were reported jumping on and damaging a car along West College Street. Officers found that the car was a junk vehicle that belonged to one of the people and the group was filming the destruction.

* A deputy stopped along West Main Street for what looked like a citizen flagging him down. It turned out to be a student waving at random motorists.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 10:29 AM

"It pads off ere police arrive." LOL Love that!

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 10:26 AM

A few from The Rochester (NH) Times:

12:31 a.m. — A cow is reported in the middle of Old Dover Road. A motorist steers clear.

11:48 a.m. — A shirtless man on the Square appears to have a rifle. The rights to bare arms and bear arms?

12:26 p.m. — On North Main Street, motorists have to dodge the darting ducklings.

5:35 p.m. — A "rapid" fox is spotted near Allen School. It quickly disappears.

10:16 p.m. — A man with a goatee and a bandage on his knee is still prowling around Capital Circle, despite the gift of a ham sandwich and an entreaty to go away.

11:11 p.m. — There is a Peeping Tom at Amazon Campground.

Friday, May 22

2:28 a.m. — At Willowbrook Apartments, yelling and rock-throwing is just a misunderstanding.

9:20 a.m. — At Stonewall Kitchen there's a large black bear. It has already charged at one of Lambert's Salvage employees. It pads off ere police arrive.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 09:23 AM

At 8:11 a.m., a man was given a verbal warming for using profanities on checks issued to the city.

A caller said a kid dressed in black was ringing a doorbell and shooting fireworks at the caller's house. The caller's daughter chased him down.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Mr Red
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 08:09 AM

on the subject of culture - As an electronic engineer I hear all sorts of jokes that connect things like silicon and silicone with "silly" this or that. They are not funny to me but I see where they are coming from. It is a fine line between odd = funny and sensibilities. If humour cannot highlight the ideosynchracies of our world there is something impoverished about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 01:56 PM

- A suspicious man with a backpack was reported at Grotto Falls, acting strangely and wearing numerous watches and bracelets.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 03 Jun 09 - 02:37 PM

From this morning:

* Two men tried to come into a house on Cottonwood Road with laundry detergent and were acting very strange.

* A couple that appeared to be fighting when the man threw the woman's purse out of a vehicle on Meagher Avenue were "apparently playing around."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:44 PM

Two people on Gallatin Road were arguing about whose kid could beat up the other's kid.


A man from Italy was trying to make a U-turn on North Seventh Avenue. He had no experience driving larger American vehicles. He was given some lessons.


A couple got in an argument and started to push each other. The people were intoxicated and couldn't remember who started the fight. The couple agreed to go to sleep because nobody was sober enough to drive and finish their argument the next day when they're sober.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:34 PM

All on the same day shortly before 4th of July:

A golf cart on McIlhattan Road was damaged with a sparkler bomb.

A sparkler bomb was detonated in a concession stand at a park on Cottonwood Road. The explosive destroyed kitchen appliances and damaged the building.

A portable toilet on Ellis Street was destroyed with a fireworks bomb.

A garbage can on Third Avenue was burned with a sparkler bomb.

A deputy picked up a pistol found on Jackrabbit Lane.

A stuffed animal with a fuse coming out of it was found along the frontage road. It was a sparkler bomb.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:31 PM

(That's Manhattan, Montana, by the way).

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:30 PM

- A caller wanted to know how he could evict his live-in girlfriend from his house. Deputies advised him to ask her to leave.

- A deputy responded to a report of a naked person lying on the interstate near Manhattan. The deputy discovered that it was not a person. It was a blowup doll.

- A man on West Babcock Street complained to police about a person accusing him of pointing his finger at a person.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 09:15 PM

Sadly neither the police nor the local paper here seem to have any ability to produce anything of a similar standard . Thats in Hayes West London UK

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Bainbo
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 08:47 PM

We had a guy who lifted a manhole cover so he could throw it through Woolworths' window. He lifted it over his head, overbalanced, and fell back into the uncovered manhole.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 05:05 PM

- A resident of Finnegan Lane reported that his neighbor's dog was chasing his llamas.

- A man entered a bank on North 19th Avenue at 10:12 a.m. and asked to see money. He looked at the bills, holding them up to the light and then left.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 31 May 09 - 05:12 PM

- A 911 call from a home on Eustis Road at 6:31 p.m. was made by a 6-year-old girl, who told deputies she was "just practicing."

- Just after midnight, multiple people came very close to fighting over multiple things on Highland Boulevard.

And a call from around Christmas time last year:

- A caller on North Fourth Avenue complained that a car was parked in front of her home for 45 minutes with its lights on. The couple inside were exchanging gifts in the car because the woman was allergic to the man's house cat. (Wow! That's my street! It's only 2 blocks long... I wonder who that was).

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 May 09 - 01:43 PM

I reacted poorly to a police report item I saw as coming from what some folks call "Hillbilly" or "White Trash" or "Rural" culture. Some of the police reports referenced, tho not using those terms, clearly reflect that culture. I live in that culture. I work in that culture, in many ways that require respect for that culture. Sometimes my advocacy can be "mother bear" type.

It's a continuing pattern at Mudcat, but because it does not feature color-racism, it usually passes without comment. I have written extensively about this culture, but I still react poorly when I see how poorly it is understood. It's largely a matter of unexamined class stereotypes.

BTW we have other members steeped in those cultures, who I (and many others) admire. Older, wiser, and a lot nicer than I am.


With apologies,

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: GUEST,Ted
Date: 31 May 09 - 01:36 PM

Last year a local Irish newspaper had a featured article headlined 'Last Chance to Enter Miss Leitrim'.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 31 May 09 - 01:30 PM

Which cultures? Don't understand that comment.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 May 09 - 01:17 PM

A lot of the ones here seem funny until you realize they are part of a culture that takes them quite seriously. It's easy to mock a culture one does not understand.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 31 May 09 - 12:53 PM

* Six young men were walking down Meagher Avenue yelling profanities around 11 p.m. They were playing "Dragnet."

* Officers responded to a report of "a million people" outside a residence on Koch Street causing a lot of noise around 12:30 a.m. They found three people outside "chatting quietly."

* A woman complained that buffalo were being hazed onto her property on Lakeside Road around 10 a.m.

* A resident of Horse Butte also said buffalo were being hazed onto his property.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 29 May 09 - 03:44 PM

"two white men and a caucasian"....

oh..
my...
gawd

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: GUEST,melinda
Date: 29 May 09 - 01:49 PM

In my town at different times, police responded to a "possible untimely" and a complaint about a "funny smell," were on the lookout for "two white men and a caucasian," and when someone tried to hold up the Chinese restaurant, there were four cops having dinner there.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 29 May 09 - 09:32 AM

* A man was yelling "Rosie" for at least 10 minutes just before midnight in Kountz Trailer Park on Huffine Lane.

(there's a song in there somewhere)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 29 May 09 - 12:00 AM

From Tuesday this week....

- A woman reported that while she was on the phone with her boyfriend, who was celebrating his 21st birthday, he said he needed to vomit, stepped away from the phone and never came back. Officers went to the man's home to check on him, but could not locate him.

From last Saturday....
- An individual contacted police with questions about transporting a rifle while riding a bicycle.

From last Monday....

- An intoxicated man drinking a can of chicken noodle soup walked into a residence he thought was his on Olive Street and politely left when asked.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 May 09 - 08:32 PM

from today's paper....

A farmer was injured after a bull sat on him around 2:30 p.m.

--

A man tried to pay his bill with a "ridiculously fake $100 bill" at an establishment on East Main Street. The bill was later determined to be genuine.

--

A woman received a movie in the mail from a man she didn't know.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 29 Apr 09 - 10:33 AM

from today's paper....


* Someone sealed all the drains of the washers and dryers in the laundry room of a building on South Black Avenue with spray foam insulation.

* * A pedestrian on West Main Street reported that a pigeon appeared to be stuck between a shade and window on the second floor above Cactus Records.

* A woman who was asking residents of an apartment building on South 15th Avenue strange questions turned out to be working for the U.S. Census Bureau.

* A deputy interviewed three people, including two girls who were "stoned," on Happy Lane around 11:30 a.m. The deputy found three pipes and a bag of "what appeared to be marijuana" in the girls' vehicle.

(so that's why they call it Happy Lane)

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:22 PM

• A woman reported Tuesday a man who continually calls her, sends flowers, writes letters and gives her meat.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:18 PM

• A woman called from Whitehall to say her husband had left from Pipestone without her early Saturday morning. She was riding in the back of his semi cab when they stopped in Pipestone, and he apparently didn't realize she had got out of the vehicle. She asked deputies to watch the truck stops around Bozeman and alert him of her absence.

• A "concerned citizen" reported late Saturday that the coffee pot in Columbia Paint Store was on, but no one from the store could be located.