LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 01:24 AM

Sounds like a busy and full day, Michelle. And getting off of the sugar would be good for all of us!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 10:09 PM

I decided to spend the day in Ithaca. I spent 2 hours poking around Kohl's. I was in search of an open neck shirt for easy access to the port for my treatments. I ended up with a scoop neck green shirt with 3/4 sleeves and several new plain, short sleeved shirts for later this spring...the price was right and so were the colors!!! I poked around the home goods section too and picked out some new place mats for springtime.

After the 2 hours, I had had plenty. I met Pete for lunch and spent the rest of the day at Barnes and Noble. I found 3 books with a positive spin on how to take care of yourself with the C diagnosis. Not overly medical in nature but rather how to tend to yourself from diagnosis to end of treatment.....all pointed in the direction of getting through. One of the books is called, There's No Place Like Hope. It's full of quotes and short paragraphs about dealing with this stuff from beginning to end of treatment...very upbeat and positive.

I also spent a decent amount of time in the music section listening to a wide range of CDs. :)

One of the books I read through but did not purchase, had a section on nutrition....which is of huge interest to me. I learned that sugar or any refined flour product not only increases my blood glucose levels (which I know) but that that kind of food increases cell production, including cancer cells. YIKES. I try to limit that kind of stuff anyway but that gives me the incentive to cut it out even more. I am NOT going to feed those cells if I can help it.

The phrase, DIE MOTHER F#@K^R DIE comes to mind. Not nice, but TRUE.

I had coffee today for the first time in over 2 months and I'm a little wound. I found out that coffee without sugar isn't half bad!!! (No time like the present to cut out all the sugar I can!)

Anyway, it was GORGEOUS outside today...bright blue skies, sunny and oh yeah, I had breakfast by Buttermilk Falls...completely frozen over except for one small opening where water was rushing underneath the ice.

It was good to be out!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 08:46 AM

Wonderful news, Michelle. I believe you have many more triumphs ahead.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 08:43 AM

Take it easy Lily. You'll pop a stitch. LOL So happy for you.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 08:39 AM

Here's to LIFE!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 08:24 AM

I just have to say that that phone call makes me see the world in a whole other way this morning!!!!!   WOO HOOOOO!!!!   I'm thinking of an adventure....ok..an easy on the body adventure....we'll see!!!!   YAY!!!!


GOOD MORNING WORLD!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 07:51 AM

What good news! That was a great way to start my day - I'm sitting here with the biggest grin on my face!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 02:49 AM

What a wonderful way for me to face work today. With tears of joy and relief.

Holding you tight in my thoughts, Petal.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 02:01 AM

Congratulations, Michelle! Glad to hear the levels are where they need to be! And I concur about the iron--it can bind you up tight. Keep the roughage going through. I staggered the days I took it, figuring taking it every day meant I wasn't using that much anyway (extra goes through). And folic acid also is a big yes. It's a B vitamin, if you can't use all of it, it passes through (though without the constipation iron causes). Folic acid is inexpensive also.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 12:56 AM

joining the dancers!

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

But of course you are as strong as you could be!

Rejoice, dance, and LEAN ON THAT.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 05:42 PM

That's wonderful, Michelle!! WOW!

Sins is right about the iron tabs and fiber. I was taking them but it was taking forever for them to take effect. My girlfriend told me to get some folic acid tabs and they would help immediately. I did and they did. I quit the iron tabs with the doc's permission. You might not want to do it right now, but keep it in mind. We all have/need folic acid as it is required for production of red blood cells.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 05:31 PM

WAHOO! Dancing with you!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 04:52 PM

Dance away!

And keep your fiber intake up - iron supplements can be brutal.

All good news. Congratulations!
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 04:49 PM

GOOD NEWS!!!

My chemo Dr. called this afternoon to let me know the results of yesterday's bloodwork!

Prior to my surgery, my cancer antigen test (aka CA-125) result was over 500. Normal CA-125 is 35. As you can see, mine was ridiculously high. This is NOT used as a diagnostic tool, although sometimes it is an indicator of a malignancy...but more often it is used as a prognostic tool.

Anyway, today the Chemo Dr. called to tell me that my CA-125 is 34!!!!!! That is an amazing and dramatic change that indicates no cancer issues!!!!!!

Also, I've been quite anemic...number required for this test for surgery is 10. My last blood test before I left the hospital showed a result of 7.5. Since that time I've been taking some hefty amounts of prescribed iron pills. As of yesterday's test, my result is 12.5!!!!

All other bloodwork tests came back normal. This means I'm going into the chemo on Tuesday AS STRONG AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!

I told the Dr. that when I got off the phone I was going to do a happy dance and that I loved him!!! He giggled!!!! :)

THIS IS FANTASTIC NEWS!!!! YAHOO!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 08:41 AM

an amazing post about an amazing day

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 08:20 AM

Michelle, you do not surprise me, but you impress me, so much.

I'm glad you met Kristi.

I have a video item saved on my DVR-- I had planned to copy it to VHS but ydy the ()*(&* VCR ate a tape of Ed's so now....

If I cannot copy the item (I think you will want to see it), or find an online view-whole-episode link, I'll shoot clips on my camera, and put them on a flash key for you. So watch your snail-mail next week-- not good items to leave sitting cold, by the road.

Hardi will want to hear all about this, and not filtered by me or by cc. As you know he's had some conference time, away, this week. Saturday after-service would be fine, if you don't make any other plan with him. I believe he may be in the office tomorrow, if I do not manage to kidnap him while he sleeps. Those Cootiesniffers can get so worn out! Especially "sweet" ones.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 08:18 AM

One step closer to a full recovery. GOOD!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 07:55 AM

I'm with Mary. Love flowing you-wards!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

You are so incredibly strong, Michelle. Thank you for posting about your first visit.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 07:14 PM

My consultation went fine. My chemo Dr. informs me that I have Stage 2A ovarian cancer. My surgeon says Stage 1. Either way, my prognosis is GOOD. I asked a million questions, got to feel how a port will feel (and look) by a model and then what the port actually looks like before they put it in. I had a tour of the treatment rooms and some blood work.

I was in tears in the waiting room, just not wanting to be there, having a hard time believing that I NEED to be there....and this woman who was sitting not too far away asked me if it was my first time there. I said it was. She said she was there for her second treatment. She asked me what stage I was and I told her....she told me she is stage 4.....spread all over her body....she has 6 children. Her husband was with her and she was so calm...almost like she was talking about the weather. I asked her if she had a port and she came over and showed it to me. We started to talk and she was called in for her treatment. Her husband lingered and told me she'd have to do these treatments for the rest of her life. I can't begin to tell you the heartbreak I felt for this family. I don't know her, never saw her before today....but well...I don't know the words to convey the sadness. When I went on my tour of the treatment rooms, she was sitting in a recliner, typing away on her laptop (they have wireless), she smiled and waved to me. I wanted to hug her. Her name is Kristi and I will be looking for her when I go for my first treatment next Tuesday.

My first treatment will be sans the port. That gets put in about 9 days after the treatment...it goes according to when the white blood cell count falls and then starts to increase...they'll put the port in when my numbers are higher.

I am happy to report that I can take one person (at a time) into the treatment room with me. We can play cards, talk, watch tv, eat, whatever...but I do NOT have to be alone. I am blessed to have family to go but also friends who have volunteered to drive me (it's a 3 hour round trip), and to sit with me during my 5 hour infusion.

My mom went with me today and we stopped at the American Cancer Society on the way home to see about a wig. Not only did they give me a wig free of charge but also 2 overstuffed bags of hats/caps/scarves and sleeping caps. I did try on wigs today....cried and laughed too. It got easier after the first few. I think I'm going to be a cap person. I don't like the wig. And like Jacqui pointed out, I don't have to wear a wig!!

Now that I know the chemo start date, I am waiting on my hair dresser....hoping she can get me in the day after my first treatment. This disease has given me so few choices...but *I* will say when my hair comes out....NOT cancer or the chemo.

It's cold and snowing here so I'm making comfort food for dinner.....waffles and sausage.

I'm sleepy and love you all.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Rowan
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 04:49 PM

I've sent you a PM on PortaCath-delivered chemo, Michelle.

All the best!

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 08:10 AM

I moved on to Joplin herself. Wasn't she a wonder?
Sorry for the thread drift but it's been years since I listened to Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart.

Just a thought: my neighbor in NYC had Hodgkins Disease and was treated with chemo. She had wigs and hats at the ready but never lost her hair. Maybe...

Then again, every hair represents a cancer cell on its way to perdition. So fall away.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 08:01 AM

Michelle-me-love, laugh if you can but DON'T feel you have to wear the wigs if it keeps (forgive me) wiggin' you out. You don't have to wear anything you don't want to (except the port- which you are bravely choosing to wear, and lady, you are gonna be stylin' in that!).

Scarfs, caps, or nothing at all - you are a beautiful woman and nothing can change that!

But yes, laugh as much as you can!



(as I've been typing, Joss and Melissa have been serenading me from your link- keep that kind of energy flowing, dear!)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 11:28 PM

Ah, I love Melissa!! That was an awesome performance and she looks beautiful. Good role model for what you are going through! Thanks for the link.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 07:45 PM

If I am going to be bald, I want to look like Melissa Etheridge when she played at the Grammy's with Joss Stone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_j3TDhc8vY


She comes in half way through...well worth watching...and Bobert...she is bald and HOT! Agreed!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

No wigs!!!

Bald women are hot!!!

B~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 07:13 PM

When SINSULL and I get together and go shopping it can be a riot. We've nearly been thrown out of a number of shops because we have far too much fun trying on hats.

I hope that when you and your Mom get to see the wigs you can maybe have a bit of fun with them. Pictures would be good!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 06:08 PM

Maybe it would help to know many wigs for cancer patients are made of real hair donated by folks who really care? Then it can be stroking someone else's hair, braiding it for them, pinning it up, etc.?

Bald can be beautiful: Click.

Also, I have been reading blogs and such about baldness in women. Several of them recommend using some makeup to accentuate your facial features. It draws the eye to your face. And, also wear earrings, dangly ones. One person found chemo caps to which they glued bangs (fringe in the UK) so it looks as though you have your hair tucked up.

The main thing the baldness says is you have chosen to FIGHT and DESTROY the cancer cells...your bald head is a symbol of you choosing LIFE. And, that's a GOOd thing!:-)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:32 PM

Oh I get it-- you wanna wear HIS wig-- Fr C-S's. We can do that! (I have no idea where it is, don't worry.)

Practice skull-art with hubby, with clown paint? But then ya gotta have those big floppy clown ruffs to go with..... :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:17 PM

LOL. You guys crack me up, THANK YOU!

Donald Trump....yeah...it DOES look like something fell out of the sky and landed on his head!!!

And for Father CootieSniffer, he looked like he was having FUN in his wig.

I've been thinking about the wigs....maybe I will go without one....maybe I'll find a new color I've never tried....maybe I'll go for something like what I have now....I'm liking the caps...they look warm and soft.

Speaking of chemo caps, when the box of stuff came the other day and I opened it and burst into tears, Pete was home. He almost immediately put on one of the caps...a white one with black polka dots and a giant sunflower....I couldn't help but laugh. Maybe I'll try some of the wigs on (that we already have here) tonight.....if he will too.

Still..I kinda have this aversion to touching them.

Freaks me out. Kinda like having to touch a worm or something.

Anyway, I'm sure Mom and I will make the best of it and try to find some laughter in the wigs.

Also? I talked with someone who has been through chemo and she said the actual drip time is pain free. That is good news!   YAY!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 04:18 PM

Be realistic, Lily. Donald Trump looks like something fell out of the sky and landed on his head. Not a good look.

Was that helpful?

Should I head to the CELLAR!?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 04:07 PM

There may a few laffs in the following. Or who knows, YMMV....

Sleeping animals? Just need warm skin to wake them up? (Like a kitteh purrs on the radiator?) Becuz as soon as you move they will move too, lively-looking like hair moves as we move? Portable immortal pets, snuggling? Choose one by feel instead of by look? Put it on with eyes closed till it's on?

There are a zillion potential different ways to look at them..... (Pick one for Pete and try it on to be sure it will fit him?)

I know you will find a way to make this fun..... I promise not to bug you about the annual March ladies' guild event..... (I KNOW you will look MUCH BETTER than Fr. C-S looked that day?)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:59 PM

Thanks Jacqui!!!!!

    That's what I am most worried about now...especially because they put a catheter in a neck vein....totally creeps me out...and the fact that I have to be somewhat awake while they do the procedure (a word I am beginning to HATE)....make a pocket of skin in my chest and stick some plastic in a neck vein.....does NOT sound like fun to me.

On a completely different note, I just found out that in Williamsport, there is a wig bank with over 200 free (new) wigs for cancer patients. Mom and I will be stopping there tomorrow on our way home from the consultation with the chemo Dr.

Hm. I'm gonna have to get over the dead animal thing or tomorrow is going to be a nightmare!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:50 PM

Michelle - my daughter's mother in law went through chemo - I've emailed her to see if she had a port and if she can give any info or advice.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:30 PM

Yeh I though you knew that, but I wanted to be sure we didn't get lines tangled up. (This form of multi-level communication is a bit new for us.)

Sounds like a great day-- because each day sounds like a tad more is do-able, and that you are also being really good to yourself with resting when needed.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:20 PM

Susan,

That's fine. I email him when I need to or go see him. I know he's a busy guy and in no way do I expect him to follow everything I write here.

I'm feeling pretty good today. I went to my appointment, took my car to get fixed, stopped to take care of a bill and dropped off some prescriptions.

Now it's time to relax. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 10:37 AM

That sounds like a great idea.

LF, Hardi does get some updates from these threads (especially when I request that he review my messaging, but also anytime at his discretion). So I will make sure he gets the link to the new thread in his email, but pls continue to assume that his more-timely awareness continues to come from your phone calls and Weds. visits. OK?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 10:25 AM

If you think it's appropriate, it's fine with me! This thread has helped me a LOT....sometimes I just sit and reread it over and over. It's been a good thing and I appreciate you doing this so much.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 10:07 AM

Lily - is it time to start a new thread dealing specifically with chemo? You will have a better chance of getting an answer to your questions.
You have come such a long way since this thread began.
Your call.
M

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 09:47 AM

My incision is almost looking human! I think that in another week or 2 it will be completely healed over on the outside. So far, I'd say 80% of it is closed....have a couple little pesky spots that are taking their own sweet time....but it's coming!!!!

I wish the surgeons would have drawn a map on the outside of my body from where things were removed because I have these little pains on my left side almost every morning. I think it might be from where the giant cyst was...and maybe the inside is still healing too. I don't know.

Other than that, I'm feeling good. Tomorrow morning I have a consultation with my new chemotherapy Dr. I'm making a list of questions to take. One that I really want to know..and maybe someone here can tell me (if you've been through chemo).....does it hurt while the infusion is going in? After you are all hooked up and just letting the meds drip in, are you in any pain?

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 01:31 PM

:~) It's too bad more people don't know how comfy church can be. Heck, I've been known to doze off during a service, in that chair. I recommend it! It came BTW from Louise Brown's house. There's a little game on at church about her china cat. Sssssh! So far, none of the other folks who move her to new sleeping spots know who any of the others are!

When I asked James to move it last night, it turned out that the new sexton had already moved it at Fr. Cootiesniffer's request, for you. You'll see a side table and chairside hymnals/BCPs over there soon. Karen C made the kid-print lap-robe years ago, for nursing moms who come to church, but it's also a cozy (if dirty) leg cover.

Feel free to add an afghan or anything you want in there. Don't forget to play with the toys, either! :~) The large basket in there also has great all-new activity bags-- remember that young boy you saw a few times in the summer services? That's Frank. He and his mom redid that whole basket all by themselves, when we noticed kids and kids and kids had dumped all the other contents loose in the basket and lots of pieces were missing. I told your mom the rest of that area's story.

Last night's volunteer solicitation went well-- a snowbird-newsletter-lady stepped up after the service. The other-Bonnie/wedding ring lady.) Please, don't forget you can shed any volunteer job, any time. (That's always true around the whole parish.)

Thanks also for that song request. It meant a lot to us, plus it WORKED!

~S~
(Hardi going away, he will see this later)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 10:44 AM

Thanks Susan....the chair was perfect and MUCH more comfortable...thank you!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 05:23 PM

LF, your chair and the recorded service will be all set.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 04:03 PM

Son went to ER this morning, might be appendicitis. Surgeon wanted to operate today, but we've seen these symptoms over the years, might be migraine, might be constipation. We'll wait 24 hours, he said a wait of a couple of days would be okay, but if he doesn't feel completely better by tomorrow, we'll take him back.

I started a different thread so those of us with passing ailments of a shorter duration can hash it out. And if Michelle wants to use that as limbo, between the big surgery and before the chemo, that would be good also. Report on the recovery as it is now.

I have a co-worker who bought a fuscia pink wig and a dayglo blue wig. Kind of the straight hair style that Ann Jillian wore. She looks cute.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 03:36 PM

LF,

Because they are strong I am too? I don't know that it works that way. I'm doing my best. I don't feel strong at all. I feel clingy, scared, sometimes confident and not myself at all.

Yes, THAT is what I meant to convey, not that it's harder because it's you. Just that this is the stuff that lets us know how strong we need to be, and that-- itself-- is a huge motivator for reaching deeper to where the strength is already right there. I would bet that your antecednets found their strengths exactly the same way, and that by the time you came along they were living it and modeling it. Not all of our best mentors do it in words... (which becomes apparent when their young fly out of the nest, discarding whatever words did not work for them, and keeping instead the stuff that DID work).

BTW the all-caps part of your post looked exactly like that, to me. I think they did teach you well, whether it was in words-- or in just loving you exactly as you were.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 01:41 PM

Good for you, Michelle. I would only make one suggestion: try saying it in the present tense, i.e. "I AM healthy and cancer-free!" That way it is in the here and now which helps it to become so in your mind and body.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 12:36 PM

Maybe the wigs aren't for you especially if you feel you have a dead animal on your head - sorry but that made me laugh.

I don't come from strong stock. Most of the women in my family drink themselves into an early grave when things get tough. So - as I mentioned before - I throw things to get past anger, frustration, sorrow, loss. Do whatever works for you and results in a healthy future.

Moderated sobbing is good. Don't know exactly how you can screw your hair - but whatever works, girl, go for it.

As Jacqui said, we are all here with you.
And, Bobert, everyone once in a while you bring a tear to my eye. That was beautiful.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 12:19 PM

It's not that it's harder because it's *MY* problem....I think it must be hard for everyone.
I met the author of Eco-Village (written by a woman who lives at the Eco-Village in Ithaca and helped to get it started) and she talked about community and the strength of the women in particular. There was one woman who was diagnosed with cancer and she was not going to get better. She still did all the treatments necessary to prolong her life, including chemo. I don't recall if she did this before or after her treatments started, but the entire village came together while this woman sat on the ground, on a tapestry cloth, and had her head shaved with all the people surrounding her....she didn't cry but kinda of embraced it.

I don't know why I remember that (as I don't remember much else of what she said) but it has stuck with me.

And yes, I do come from a family of VERY STRONG women on both sides. They all earned their strength in their own ways, as we all do. What can I say? Because they are strong I am too? I don't know that it works that way. I'm doing my best. I don't feel strong at all. I feel clingy, scared, sometimes confident and not myself at all.

I did not try on the wigs. Opening the boxes to look at each wig felt like I was opening a coffin of a dead animal. I did try on the hats. All I can tell you is that it's NOT pretty.

SCREW THE HAIR!! I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY! I AM GOING TO BE CANCER FREE and if I have to sob every fucking time I look at the wigs, then so be it. I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY AND CANCER FREE!

And *THAT* is what I have to keep telling myself and keep my focus on.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 11:57 AM

Michelle, it IS harder than we think, isn't it..... when our own troubles hit? But this is also the kind of time when you find out how strong you really are. I promise you-- the strength is in there. How do I know this? :~) From your stories of the women who raised you. DANG, there is some strong women there, in that lineage-- it's just your time to come into your own, in the strength department. Trust me, they put it in there! :~)

~Susan
cc: Hardi