More limericks, eh? Part 3 [7]

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 08:35 PM

What doggerel! What merrisome wit!
I'm enjoying it more than a bit
Amos waxing obscene
Guests venting their spleen
While old tradman can't rhyme tat with tit

Actually, tradman's onto a good thing...limericks for the lazy...like:

There was a young man from Assizes
Who went fishing without any trousers
He caught him a whopper
But discovered much later
It was only his dangling persona

Easy, isn't it? If a trifle pointless...hmmmm. Maybe not such a good idea after all.

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 07:42 PM

An old favourite was:-

On the chest of a Barmaid from Sale
Was tattoo'd all the prices of Ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was exactly the same - but in Braille

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: GUEST,the lone haranger
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 02:09 PM

There once was an aging folk singer
Who caught his dick in a wringer
Said he "It's no trouble,
I'll simply redouble
My efforts with tongue and with finger."

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: tradman
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 01:39 PM

There was a young man from St. Bees Who was stung in the arm by a wasp. When they asked, "Does it hurt?" He replied, "No, it doesn't. I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet."

---W.S.Gilbert

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 12:29 PM

Remmeber the lady from Clyde
Who ate so many apples, she died!
The azpples fermented,
Inside the lamented,
An' made cider inside her inside!

An ornery salesman, Pat Spaw,
Made whistles out of all that he saw!
Out of acorns, rose-blossoms,
And the assholes of Possums!
Now, ain't that agin nacherel law?

Regards,

A.

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: CarolC
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 09:50 AM

Higgledy Piggledy
Catspaw and Little Hawk
Played in the threads while
We watched in dismay

We begged and cajoled them
And threatened to scold them
But still they continued
Their dreadful display

(hint hint, eh? How about some more limericks?)

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: CarolC
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 10:29 PM

Well, Amos, I can hardly sit down after what that bobbie did to my Bottam!

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 07:13 PM

====musta brought down the house, I guess... no-one's standing up!

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Amos
Date: 24 Oct 00 - 08:50 PM

There once was a lass very crude
Who strode down the street in the nude!
When a bobbie said, "What am
Agnificent Bottam!"
And smacked it as hard as he coould!

A naughty young fairy named Broome
Took a lesbian up to his room!
But they argued all night,
About who had the right,
To do what, and with which, and to whom!!!

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: GUEST,FlashGordon
Date: 24 Oct 00 - 06:12 PM

Since these have all been in questionable taste, thought I'd add an oldie from the 60's.

A handsome young man named McSweeney, Accidentally spilled Gin on his wienie. He wasn't uncouth, Just added Vermouth; Then slipped his date a Martini.

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 00 - 06:33 PM

This clamor of peckers' a pain!
We have sung it again and again!
Let us open our eyes
To see Spaw-man as wise
And discourse on the size of his brain!

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Micca
Date: 23 Oct 00 - 04:43 PM

I see that its happening 'Spaw
Though it must be against Mudcat law
the size of your dong
is a matter of song
Little Hawk,thats another faux pas.
Sorry for the No line breaks above...

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Micca
Date: 23 Oct 00 - 04:18 PM

I see that its happening 'Spaw Though it must be against Mudcat law the size of your dong is a matter of song Little Hawk, thats another faux pas.

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: zander (inactive)
Date: 23 Oct 00 - 02:50 PM

Well spotted Little Hawk, that will teach me to be silly bunt.

luv Dave

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 08:20 PM

Good for you, Amos. I wouldn't have thought of Spaw's dong either, had I not opened this thread. Curse you, Amos!

I'm tired of Spaw's false pretences
Each time that the Mudcat commences
I grimace and groan
At the thought of his bone
And return my own verbal offences

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Rollo
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 08:19 PM

there was a man from Skibbereen

his verses vere never obscene

but sounding so pretty

extremely witty

and no-one was int'rested in!

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 04:00 PM

Away from the throng's madding thrall,
In an old motel in Montreal,
I report with delight,
That I get through the night
Without thinking of Spaw's dong at all!

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 09:50 AM

Come on, Zander! What does a guy who can't even spell the word "don't" know about limericks?

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Midchuck
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 09:36 AM

Actually, Edward Gorey has written quite a few clean limericks - weird as hell, but clean - which are quite funny.

But he's one of the few who have managed it.

Peter.

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 09:08 AM

Little Hawk, I hope you know that you are a very funny man.

zander, I don't know how you can say that. Most of the limericks on the part 1 thread were about Spaw's prodigious member. Six feet long, if I remember correctly. I think that's pretty obscene.

Carol

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: zander (inactive)
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 05:48 AM

You do'nt call that load of rubbish limericks, the folklorist the Reverend Sabine Baring Gould define limericks thus: limericks that can be told when women are present, limericks that can be told when women are absent but clergymen are present and LIMERICKS. All proper limericks are obscene, read the American folklorist Gershon Legman as well as Baring Gould, meanwhile: The Limerick is furtive and mean You must keep it in close quarantine Or it sneeks to the slums And promptly becomes Disorderly, drunk and obscene

Luv Dave

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 01:45 AM

You and Spaw seem to both be under the impression that I smoke. Not so. I have developed the ability to become incoherent entirely without the aid of artificial or natural substances, legal or illegal. Pretty cool, eh? I am willing to give lessons if you've got the cash.

By the way, got two twenties for a ten? I'll even give you Canadian for American, cos I'm just an old softy...

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 01:27 AM

Hi, Little Hawk.

In my previous post on this thread, I have included a link to both Part 1, and Part 2. Check it out. You are now in Part 3.

What have you been smoking tonight? (Can I have some?)

Carol

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 01:21 AM

Funny, Carol. I seem to have launched this one prematurely. Sorry. Got lost somewhere in the maze of threads. Could you now post a link back to Part 2? I don't quite know how to do that...

Subject: RE: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 10:50 PM

Limericks, anyone? part one

part two

Subject: More limericks, eh? Part 3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 10:23 PM

How many root beers does it take
To extinguish the dolorous ache
Of a day without nookie
Or a mistaken cookie
That causes Spaw's windlass to break?