BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST,Kitty
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 04:57 PM

Oh yeah, Cluin, Thanks for that song !I have printed up and will keep it close at all times !

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 04:50 PM

Sorting the pets is no joke, Kitty. But I am glad it is not children. Good luck to you.
SINS
And gnu, that was very thoughtful and touching. You are a real gentleman.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST,Kitty
Date: 19 Feb 06 - 04:00 PM

Thanks Mudcatters !

Last night I was feeling pretty low. It comes over me once in a while. It's not that often ... say once a month. It was a long relationship, so I am still within the "normal " limits of getting over it.

I took some of your advice and I wrote p/A ( passive agressive and A/A ( agressive / agressive ) and JA ( jail ) on stickers on my phone. It worked nicely. I will keeep those stickers on there for a while.

My new guy ( see... I have moved on, you doubting thomases ! ) asked what the sticker was for. I said just a reminder.

What we still have to sort out is .... wait for it ... our pets.... which are more important than anything else in the world ( except my my close family, of course. )

Much better now .. THanks !

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Cluin
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 11:32 PM

An inspirational song from Hayseed Dixie to help you while away the long hours battling temptation:


Poop in a Jar

I'm keeping your poop in a jar,
Till the day you come back
So I don't forget just what you are.
Yeah, I'm keeping your poop in a jar.

You thought you took everything,
But you left something behind for me.
I scooped it out, I bottled it up,
Now it's there on a stand by the bed to remind me
In case I ever forget
You're just a piece of...
poop.

Keeping your poop in a jar,
Till the day you come back,
So I don't forget just what you are
Yeah, I'm keeping your poop in a jar.

I had a moment of weakness once
So I opened the lid for a smell.
It all came back to me baby,
In one vap'rous rush, I remembered you well.
How could I ever forget?
You're a piece of...
poop.

Keeping your poop in a jar,
Till the day you come back
So I don't forget just what you are.
Yeah, I'm keeping your poop in a jar.

Keeping your poop in a jar.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Alba
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 11:14 PM

I wish you had kept the songlist too Joe by the sounds of it it pretty much put closer on that relationship:)

When I was 16 I went out with an older guy, he was 21..
We had been seeing each other for about 4 months. He would call at my House on a Friday night and we would meet up with some Friends then go out somehwere.
I was convinced things were just lovely between him and I.
One Friday Night he didn't show up.
I never saw him again...ROFL. I wish I had known where to send a Tape of my emotions to him:)

Love and Light to all
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Joe Offer
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 11:01 PM

I had a rather brief fling in 2000, back in my bachelor days. I was madly in love, but she wasn't - and she dropped me with a voice mail message. She had often said that she believed the only way to end a romance was swifty and finally. So, that was that - one voice mail message. I sent her a CD of all my favorite "you rotten ratfink" songs, and I never heard from her again.

I wish I had kept a list of those songs. At the time, I thought it was a truly inspired selection - inspired, probably, by the emotion of the moment.

But it was hard, because I thought things were so nice...

Good luck.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST,Wesley S
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 10:06 PM

My suggestion ? Find someone who is worse off than you are { for whatever reason } and help them out. Stay busy.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST, Topsie
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 09:51 PM

When you feel like talking to him, write to him. Put all your feelings down on paper, then DON'T post it. You'll probably feel better for writing it all down, and later on if you find the letter and read it you'll be really glad you didn't send it.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Nancy King
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 07:47 PM

"Still have things to sort out" -- If you mean emotional things, then you have a bit of a problem. In this case, it seems to me they're not going to get sorted out by your phoning him. Face it, he's not going to talk to you about that kind of stuff, and you'll only make matters worse by harrassing him. Not to mention the fact that you're just setting yourself up to be hurt -- over and over again.

If there are business matters to sort out -- divvying up property, finalizing a settlement, that kind of thing, then force yourself to call ONLY when ABSOLUTELY necessary and confine yourself to those business matters. It's often better to conduct that kind of business by e-mail or snail mail, rather than telephone. Keeps a bit of distance, which you need to get used to.

The only reason I can think of for continuing to call is that you still harbor a hope, deep down, that you can get back together again. It ain't gonna happen. It really is necessary to face that fact once and for all. There's no point in denying the relationship/marriage happened -- it did, and it's part of your history, but it can't be re-created. Believe me, I know. I've been there. It took me a while to get past that glimmer of hope and start feeling anger instead. Much healthier in this circumstance, oddly enough. Even after quite a few years, I still have some curiosity about what he's doing, etc., but I sure as hell don't want him back, and have NO desire to talk to him.

Is there some kind of support group for separated/divorced people in your area? In the Washington DC area there's a very large and active organization called New Beginnings, which I found helpful for a while. Talking to other people in similar situations really does help. As does the passage of time.

Just resist picking up that phone!

Hope this helps,
Nancy

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Beer
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 07:28 PM

And I don't mean this in a negative way.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Beer
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 07:28 PM

You definitely need help. Get it. The sooner the better.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: gnu
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 07:25 PM

I had three good ones after I read the first post, but this is hardly the time for joking. You must have been terribly hurt to carry your anger this long, even after moving on and getting a new life. I say this because you said your actions were hurting you but you can't seem to stop... that's a lot of hurt.

I think there is merit in Bobert's suggestions, even using Mudcat as therapy. There certainly are enough of us dumbasses around to answer most of your questions, I assume. Maybe you posted because you need more than "tricks"?

I can offer one small bit of wisdom. You said that you and your ex "still have things to sort out so there still has to be contact." If your lawyer or his lawyer or both lawyers are stirring the pot, recognize it and put a stop to it. I have seen this a couple of times. I once heard a lawyer say that he was scooping up an easy ten grand by winding up the client he was representing. Just remember one thing. When the judge bangs the gavel, you ain't gettin any more than the law allows, no matter what your lawyer says you deserve or what your lawyer says you should go for. The judge gets "paid" based on the amount of decisions that don't come back before him in the future.

Tricks? Well. Here is a trick I use for many things. In your case, open a file and make a list of your questions or comments for him. Number them. Then, try to answer them as you think he would. If and when you decide to change a question or comment, or it's "answer", do not modify or delete what you wrote. Rather, add to the list as in 1a, 1b, 1c... This will not only help you clarify things, it will be, hopefully, therapeutic.

Anyway, good luck with it.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 07:25 PM

" I have got a new life."

Ya... right....

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 07:23 PM

How many digits in his phone number? 7? 8? 9? 10? More? Don't really matter...

Go to a lake or the ocean. Whatever is nearer. Pick up the corresponding number of stones to the digits in his phone number. And slowly throw them one by one as far as possible into the water.

As you throw each one remember a different reason why he is an EX. Splish splash splosh. Allow your anger at him and yourself to sink forever out of sight. Never to see the light of day again.

Then wipe your hands. Turn your back on the water and go home. When you get back indoors put on your favorite piece of music and close your eyes and relax. When it finishes, breathe deeply, smile broadly and begin your life without him being in it.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Peace
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 07:16 PM

PATHETIC WAY OF GETTING OVER ME (Shel Silverstein)


Oh, if you read in the papers that she's been seen
A-gettin' in an' out of some millionaire's long custom-made limousine,
She may fool you with her smile, but I can see
That's just her poor, hopeless, heartless,
Helpless, pathetic way of gettin' over me.

So, you were down at Joe's on the night she broke her zipper,
And some wane brain drunk champagne out of her slipper,
And she danced on the piano, and she screamed, "Hurray, I'm free".
That's just her poor, hopeless, heartless,
Helpless, pathetic way of gettin' over me.

Oh, she'll do anything she can just to make me jealous.
Of course, forgettin' me is gonna take her lots of years.
So I call her now and then just out of pitty.
When she laughs at me,
That's just her way of bravely holding back her tears.
What's that you say?
She got married?
Oh, the poor little fool.
To some handsome movie star with the mansion and a swimming pool?
And she's looking good?
And she's got a kid or two or three?
That's just her poor, hopeless, heartless,
Helpless, pathetic way of gettin' over me.

Pathetic way of tryin' to get over me
but she ain't never gonna make it, honey.
I mean those guys -- those guys you see her with now --
They're... they're the relatives... maybe business associates.
I mean... I know this woman,
And she's sittin' home bitin' her fingernails.
Let me tell you... she's just readin' magazines.
She may look like she's enjoyin' herself.
That's the way she looks when she's really feelin' bad.
I know this woman.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 07:13 PM

Okay, now that my pal, Ebbie, has called me to the carpet I will put on my "Mr. Sensitive" hat...

Ahhhh, think about it this way, kitty... In relationships there are good stuff and bad stuff... In realtionships that blow up the bad stuff overtakes the good...

Now, folks being folks be they male, female or other, have an easy time gettin' the bad stuff buried deep in their tuimmy leaving the good stuff still out there to be dealt with... Now, I would guess that you are going over some of the good tapes in yer head and then wondering how Mr. Right, who once was part of the good stuff, could have done enough bad stuff to overtake the good stuff...

These are normal questions and guess what? You will never, never, never get an asnwer that you will find satisfying... Never!!! Might of fact, the more you ask, the less satisfying the answers will become until one day, Mr. Once-Right will change his phone number and send you a ltter saying, "In regards to the kids (or whatever), please leave a message with ___________. I'm sorry but..."

Like I said, next time you want to call him PM someone here or just come back to this thread or...

...join X-Callers Anonomous (XCA)...

And lastly... You say that yer life is good new and I gotr the impression that means you have a feller??? Yes, no??? Call him instead of the ex....

That will be 5 cents...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: wordfella
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:53 PM

"Ex" means there's no relationship. It's over. You have no right to bother each other.

Seems easy to me--but then, I have so much contempt for the ex that I don't even want her on the other end of my phone.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:51 PM

Humph, Bobert. Not wired right? Thank the gods that we're wired differently. snicker,

A musician friend of mine sings a charming song about "her helpless, hopeless, pathetic way of getting over me." It recounts the lengths 'she' goes to prove she no longer cares (like getting married) and ends confidently "She'll be back." I don't know who wrote it but it really is funny and certainly evokes the feelings many of us have had from time to time.

I like Bill D's remark about being glad that your ex isn't doing what you are! Frankly, I wuoldn't like my ex believing and telling other people that I can't let go.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST,kitty
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:47 PM

will try the "jail" thing too ! I am not that bad, right enough ! Really !

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:45 PM

Actually it's technically harrasment. Say "Jail" to yourself everytime you go to pick up the phone to call him. Youll soon stop.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:38 PM

PM me. It's too embarrasing to say this stuff here.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST,Kitty
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:23 PM

It's mostly men that have answered so far. I know I have had many a female friend that has done this same kind of thing, so maybe men don't get this kind of urge so often.

To answer some comments:
I have got a new life. Big style, actually ! Love and the lot. But believe me, it might take the edge of the hurt of the old one, but it still does hurt.

I can't completely forget him because we still have things to sort out so there still has to be contact.

What did he do ? If I start to explain we will miss the point ( which is that I want to stop phoning him but I don't ). Maybe I will start another thread to see if you guys can point me in the right direction with the thing that bugs me. Anyway, probably if it wasn't that it would be another thing ( I am a woman, for god's sake. ) I just need help to stop phoning him !

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Raptor
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:23 PM

Next time you talk to him tell him how great your sex life is now!

And thank him for the practice.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Sorcha
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:18 PM

Stop caring why.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Cluin
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:11 PM

Dig out an old picture of him and take up darts.

Like you say, the phone calls aren't making things better.

"When you find yourself getting in the hole, the first order of business is to stop diggin'."
    ~ old cowboy wisdom

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: michaelr
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:08 PM

First, delete his number from the speed dialer. Then go out and meet new people. You never know, someone may cause you to forget the ex altogether.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:07 PM

Kitty:

Lissen to Bobert and ask the Mudcat Menfolk why he done it. We have all been there and done it, our own selfs, and can tell you not only his rationalizing explanation, but what was really goin' on!!

Hey, if yer disconnectin', lass, don't do it half-way. It doesn't work.

A

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST,kitty
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 06:05 PM

have just stuck a sticky label on the phone that says passive agressive. i think that might help me to stop phoning him. More tips welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Sorcha
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 05:56 PM

Disconnect the phone?

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 05:55 PM

First of all, according to the Wes Ginny Slide Rule, womenz ain't wired up right... Now I have argued many a night with the WGSR on this but it don't get nowhere's at all but...

... that ain't yer quastion so we'll just leave the wiring thing alone here...

First of all, I think what you are doing is passive agressive bordering on agressive agressive... You say that you are over the relationship? Fine, move on...

If you still are trying to find closuer fir everything that Mr. Wrong did or didn't do during your realtionship then you ain't "over" the relationship...

You need a support group or couseling or, better yet...

... Mudcat!!!

Yes, right here in Mudville you have hundreds, maybe thousands of years of collective male dumbass behaviors... No matter what Mr-Ex did or din't do I'm sure there is some male here in Mudville who has either done or not done the same thing so...

...next time, call us and leave Mr. Wrong alone... Ain't good fir either of ya'...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 05:53 PM

ummm... Kitty...just be glad he doesn't call YOU to ask similar stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 05:49 PM

Get yourself a life for starters....

Then, stop picking up the phone....

Maybe he'll wise up and get a restraining order

Subject: BS: tricks to stop myself phoning my ex
From: GUEST,Kitty
Date: 18 Feb 06 - 05:46 PM

I am not completely bonkers, ( yet ), but I have to admit that I keep phoning my ex to ask him " just one more question .. Why did you ..? ". Even worse, it's usually the same old question and I don't get the answer I want. In the end he just hangs up.

I am " over " the relationship in many ways ( really !), but when it starts to annoy me that he did this or that, I can't resist phoning him or texting him to ask !

It really annoys him, but to be honest I am not all that bothered about how it affects him. In most ways I have been really good to him since we broke up. I don't even care an awful lot that it must make me very unattractive to him.

It's more that fact that I don't get anything out of it, I end up more frustrated than I started off, and yet I keep doing it. Oh yeah, and it is worse at certain times of the month !

Be honest.. I am sure lots of us have done it. What's the key to just kicking the habit ?