BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!

Subject: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 10:28 AM

Amos suggested this, eh? Totally decent idea! I'm for it.

Okay, so...this thread is, like, to be all about hosers, eh? Hosers from the Great White Noreth. That's Canada, eh? Hosers are totally cool guys who, like, are totally cool, eh? And they live in Canada. But not in Quebec! Them frogs live in Quebec and "dey talk like dis and dey say Tabbernack a lot, eh?" I can't stand 'em! But I like the French girls. If the French guys would all flippin' go BACK TO FRAnCE and leave the girls here then Canada would be that much better than it is, eh? But it's already great.

So...post anything and everything you know and LOVE about hosers of the Great White Noerth here.

I mean...personal habits, clothing stials, wit and wisdom, and stuff like that, eh?

Majorly cool, eh? Go for it.

Ain't it amazig that I am, like, fairly loosid here and its' only 10 AM? Far flippin' out, man! I am the Dude, eh?

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 11:54 AM

Yeah they smell like beer and back bacon and stale cigarettes, and they chase anything with legs, but usually incompetently. Skanky skirt, beer, smokes. Can't rub two thoughts together to save their lives. Flip off, ya hosers!! Get out!!

That's about all I know about 'em.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,The Phantom of the Uproar
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 12:24 PM

Is this another thread about William Shatner?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 12:30 PM

Hmmmmm. That's a side of Canadians I haven't seen. I'll keep my eye peeled for aberrations.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 12:47 PM

Hosers will show you their aberrations--all ya have to do is ask. (Good one, eh?) LOLOLOLOL.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 01:11 PM

I assume that this thread was inspired by the recent release of "SCTV Network" (or is it "SCTV Channel"?) on DVD.

I recently rented the first disc of the series from Netflix, and was surprised NOT to find myself rolling on the floor laughing at the McKenzie Brothers episodes. Seems like it was a lot funnier the first time around; viewing it again so many years later, with excessively high expectations I suppose, was a bit of a letdown.

I mean, I enjoyed watching, if only as a taste of nostalgia, but the experience was a little less ovewhelming that I had hoped it would be.

Kuuu-roo-koo-koo, kuu-roo-koo-KOO!

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Cluin
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 02:45 PM

That's interesting. I was reflecting recently how old Saturday Night Live episodes seem to have lost a lot of humour as they aged, yet I can still laugh at a lot of old SCTV skits.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 02:57 PM

Much of SCTV was brilliant, and most of it was definitely superior to the Doug and Bob McKenzie skits...but Doug and Bob caught the public imagination for some reason. It puzzled the SCTV cast, because they knew a lot of the other stuff was way better. I guess the moral is: never underestimate the taste of the viewing public.

Or to put in in hoserese: "Never, like, underguesstimate people's stupidity, eh?"

There are plenty of hosers in Canada, but they are more commonly seen in small towns than cities, hanging around the local bars and gas stations. They like to drive pickup trucks. Specially red or black ones. They wear work boots and messy clothes. They don't wash often enough, and they laugh very loudly at their own jokes. They hate all visible minority groups, but are definitely willing to put that prejudice aside when it comes to young women. Some girls like them, specially girls with an I.Q. below 80! To put it simply, hosers are total and complete @$$holes! ;-)

If American, they would all have voted for Bush, because they would have suspected the Democrats to be limp-wristed faggots of some kind. They would have just absolutely detested John Kerry! They can't pronounce "nuclear". What more do I have to say?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:32 PM

So, like, what's the difference between a hoser and a hose-head?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:33 PM

Not much. "Hose-head" is what you call a hoser when you're mad at him, eh? Or when you want to insult him.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:47 PM

It's just too easy to insult 'em though. Hosers very rarely age well.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:51 PM

LOL

When that boy is a man, he'll be writing his name in the snow. FYI! And if he gets lucky, it'll be in someone else's handwriting.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 03:57 PM

"There are plenty of hosers in Canada, but they are more commonly seen in small towns than cities, hanging around the local bars and gas stations. They like to drive pickup trucks. Specially red or black ones. They wear work boots and messy clothes. They don't wash often enough, and they laugh very loudly at their own jokes. They hate all visible minority groups, but are definitely willing to put that prejudice aside when it comes to young women. Some girls like them, specially girls with an I.Q. below 80! To put it simply, hosers are total and complete @$$holes! ;-)

"If American, they would all have voted for Bush, because they would have suspected the Democrats to be limp-wristed faggots of some kind. They would have just absolutely detested John Kerry! They can't pronounce "nuclear".

Charming people. Absolutely charming. One question: Is Canada where the US gets its supply? Or is it t'other way 'round?

Another question: As to "they laugh very loudly at their own jokes." What's wrong with that? Just like I think self pity is better than none.

"Hose-head" is what you call a hoser when you're mad at him, eh? Or when you want to insult him." Little Hawk

LOL befuddled like.

Where does 'hoser' come from? ( I know, I know- up above the border some place)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:01 PM

hoser
slang. 1. noun: (deragatory) an oaf, or simpleton. 2. noun: (friendly) a friend, brother or faithful companion. 3. verb: hose-off; a put-off; go away, leave me; I doubt what you are saying. History: The term originates from a syndicated television comedy about a fictional television station: 'Second City Television Station' or 'SCTV.' Comedy skits on the show were presented as actual programs. One such skit was a program entitled "the Great White North" - the hosts, comedians Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas (portraying Bob and Doug MacKenzie), embellished and exaggerated the stereotypical American image of how Canadians talk and act. The characters (Bob and Doug) drank beer, while bantering back and forth, inflecting their speech heavily with 'eh?' and the occasional 'hoser.'

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:11 PM

oh

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,ONe who knows, eh?
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:12 PM

Hoser is a euphemism for another word. The word is f*cker. As shown above, it can be used in either a hostile or a friendly manner, depending on the context and the tone of voice, etc.

Hosehead is similarly a euphemism for f*ckhead.

Shane, he the famous oaf of Blind River, has his own substitute: fliphead.

With Shane, it's "Flip you!!!" "You are totally flipped, man!" "Flip OFF!" "Flip ME!" (when things have gone seriously wrong) and such typical expressions...

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:17 PM

Well in the Great White North of Denmark, this is a Hoser.

Awesome! I just love the way he's clipping up his pretty red tights ...

And another provocative view of the Danish Hoser.

Hmmmm .... think somebody needs a nappie ...

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 04:23 PM

Things that are in a mess are typically referred to as all hosed up in some circles. Presumably a hoser is one who generates such conditions.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: bobad
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 07:50 PM

The hoser masterpiece everyone should have in their collection can be had here.
Order yours today, you won't be dissapointed.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:07 PM

Pressure Testing Hose.

Hosers at work.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:21 PM

"Hose" has long been a slang term for penis, particularly in the U.S. Navy. I was never in the Navy, but I worked at a part-time job years ago at which the rest of the crew was either active-duty or retired Navy. I recall "hosed up" and "dicked up" as being pretty much synonymous. I learned lots of colorful language at that job, including referring to a clumsy, inept attempt to do something one really doesn't know how to do as either "fucking a dog" or "a monkey tryin' to fuck a football".

And it seems like I remember something about the line in "Honky Tonk Women" that goes "She blew my nose, and then she blew my mind" originally being "She blew my hose..." It supposedly was changed so the song would get airplay. I imagine you can say "blew my hose" on the radio now, but you couldn't in 1969.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM

All I know there are definately no Hosers here in New Brunswick.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:33 PM

Oh yeah

What about gnu?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: bobad
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 08:44 PM

Sorry that was me, lost my cookies tonite.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 09:13 PM

Ha ... just waiting for gnu to see this post!

Saint John N.B. is the Hoser capital of Canada.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 09:14 PM

It's the hoser origin of Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 09:27 PM

Yer right ... I think .. or I'm sure they manufacturer them here. The whole package .. your choice with a pickup truck past due safety inspection or an old Crown Victoria past due it's safety inspection.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: LadyJean
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 12:41 AM

I had a Newfoundlander for a housemate for a while. When he wasn't employed, he did the housework in lieu of rent. He kept the kitchen cleaner than a surgery. When I surprised a burglar one night, he chased him out, walloping him with a leather jacket. Not many people could do that. I don't know if Newfoundlanders are hosers. But they're all right.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 12:52 AM

Newfies are outstanding people. They have the greatest sense of humour. around.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:20 AM

4 sale: 1980/2/6 CDF (Chev/Dodge/Ford) Pickup; fully jacked; 33" Mudders; triple roll bars; five front and five back roll bar mounted Day-Lites (250,000 candles each - you can light yer smokes on em); box mounted fuel tank (well, it's a plastic five gallon gas can, on accounta tearin a big hole in the gas tank); just-installed 1/4" skid plate from bumper to bumper; front and rear 10,000 pound winches with 100 feet of cable each (you can hoist the truck and all yer gear up a tree and use it as a tree stand fer huntin or fer just havin a look see or fer when the wardens are bein persistant); 4000 pound box mounted winch; front and rear trailer hitches; fold-down tail gate ramp; sealed doors and firewall for fishin IN the beaver dams; tinted windows and hand painted dark green matte finish over the entire vehicle so there's no sun or search light glint; bush bar with headlight screens; twenty foot fold-down whip antenna with coon tail; CB and scanner; license plates are already mounted upside down - every second counts; three more trucks for spare parts (Chev,Dodge and Ford) but you gotta haul em away. Will consider trade. Can be seen at RCMP Station next to Legion. Call Dale. Call my ex on weekends. But don't give her no money, eh? Bad enough I gotta serve my time on weekends cause a that hosebitch.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:29 AM

Wanted to Buy: NB Motor Vehicle Inspection sticker. Must have at least one month left. Meet me at the Legion Monday to Thursday.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 08:06 AM

Ho-Lee FLIP! I gotta have that pickup, man. I am gonna see if I can make a trip out there soon, eh Dale? Don't sell it to no one else! Holy flip.

Don will be so jealuos, eh? I can't flippin' wait.

- BDiBR (Shane)

p.s. Majorly decent thread, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: number 6
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 08:12 AM

gnu ... effin brilliant! Got tears of lafter runnin' down my face right now! I guess ya have to live here to get it.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 10:35 AM

Well I don't live there but I still get it! Things ain't much different here in deepwoods Ontari-ari-o. Especially once you get north of the Soo. Just ask WAsteD in WAwa.

As a Mother of 3 young Hosers, I've observed certain stylistic changes in Great Canadian Hosiery over the years though. For a greater understanding of the Modern Evolution of the Great Canadian Hoser, please consider the following;

1. Hosers today are alot lazier, alot more hi-tech. Rather than battling bugs, bears, bogs, empty beer coolers and/or Ministry boobs, they seem to much prefer lounging contently in front of their idiot-boxes with their PlayStations, hunting down cyber-moose and/or casting for cyber-walleye. Consequently, your average Hoser today sports a milky-white neck rather than the formerly standard red one. And Hoser-guts start spilling over the belt well before age 21 these days too.

2. Tobacco smokin' Hosers are now the minority, especially in the under-30 crowd. But don't let this worry you - other smokables seem to be just as popular as ever! Most smoke-free Hosers today make up for their disloyalty to Tobacco by mowing down truly phenomenal amounts of Miss Vickies, Bits 'n Bites etc instead.

3. Rather than bothering with all the expense and trouble of building their own monster trucks, today's Hoser creates fantastic computer-generated vehicles for the sole purpose of racing/abusing/demolishing same in the comfort of their air-conditioned living rooms. ANd they don't even hafta bother with insurance or cops or Vehicle Permits etc! Pretty cool, eh?

4. Drunken Hosers seem to be becoming an increasingly rare species as well. Especially Young Drunken Hosers in the driver's seat. Today's typical young Hosers are often seen passing on the Molson's in favour of ice caps, Gatorade, SoBe's, pop, even bottled water.

Example - one of my own young Hosers spent about 6 months working in Banff, without a car. When I went out there for a visit, thus giving him access to a vehicle for the first time in months - where did he want to drive that very night? Not to the Beer Store or the LCBO (there ARE a couple of those in Banff) - but to Timmy's! He said he'd been without a Timmy's for MONTHS. Been visiting that drive-thru in Canmore (20 minutes away) in his dreams instead. I could really flippin relate ... so I flipped him the flippin keys and off he flippin went. And nursed that large ice cap with chocolate milk for HOURS afterwards as I recall ...

Anyway, that's all the Evolutionary Hoser Data I can come up with right now. Feel free to add to the list if you like!

All my very best to all you Hosers - young, mediocre, cracked, plugged up, ancient or whatever. And may your Cosmic Couplings always be Leak-free!

daylia

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 10:40 AM

Oops I made a flippin mistake there eh? There are no LCBO's in Banff. Only in Ontario. I forget what they're called in Alberta - LCBA maybe?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 12:54 PM

Ah, daylia, if you are short on drunken hosers...

And, I don't know about Uppity Canada, but down here in Lowly Canada, if you ain't got a Cat-Purr-Cat (Acadian Shaques for 4X4), a sunburn, and a novelty tee-shirt with a moose on it, you ain't no Good-Old-Boy (Down Home for hoser). And that's just in the first degree. Second degree starts with runnin over video games.

BTW, my truck is black and she's called "Nightcrawler". She can do the 100m crawl in just over twenty three minutes. Not bad for a Ford F150, stock. I'll tell you about the races sometime.

Right now, I gotta go to the powerhouse... I thought I had some brewskis but the fridge is bare... I wonder if Dale was here?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 03:12 PM

Yeah, Shane, beauty thread eh man? What a friggin major that gnu is, man. Almost don't like to take advantage of his generalosity... almost... not!! right? eh? Anyway, the truck is yours man. I just need some tender-legals up front so's I kin get it out of the pound, eh? Got to pay the fine. And the license. And the inspection. And the insurance. And then it's yours man. We can work out a deal eh. I know yer good for it. But, you gotta get me some scratch, like RFN, man, cause the ex is up ta somethin man. I seen that friggin lawyer guy takin down the plate number a little while ago. And he's been parkin his fancy pussycar in her yard man. I can't understand wimmin man. That friggin little "low slung German racing machine" could fit in the back of my truck man, with the tailgate up. Ain't no good for haulin shit. Oh, it'll haul ass... and I guess hosebitch's from what I heard. But, like, how's he gonna haul firewood or get to his patch man or...oh oh, I gotta go... gnu's back. I hope he picked up some brews.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 05:25 PM

Liquor Control Board here is "The Jar Store".

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: Peace
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 05:51 PM

AKA Alberta Liquor Control Board years back. Then it was privatized.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Cluin
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 01:08 AM

I never heard the term "hoser" outside of SCTV, either before or after the Bob & Doug stuff aired.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 11:47 AM

Dale here. Bad news, Shane. My ex's lawyer, the one that slut's been runnin around with, managed to get her name on the truck as co-owner for the settlement. He paid the fine and he insured it in her name, and tried to get it out of the pound under power of a turn-a-key or somethin. But he couldn't start it cause of the kill switch I put under the seat so's I could leave the key in it on accounta I keep getting my keys took at the Legion, and so my asshole friends wouldn't be able to hide up in the woods on Sunday mornings. Friggin guys, eh? Anyway, I was at the Legion and seen that friggin prick at my truck so I called Pepsi Belliveau. I knew him when I was a kid. He's a Queen's Cowboy now. Who woulda thought, man, a Yellow Stripes out of Kingsqueer (spelling?) Youth Correction Facility. Anyway, okay, so I asked Pepsi what the frig that frigger was doin at my friggin truck and he friggin told me. So, when I found out the truck was insured, I called my cousin Del in Albert County. He told me to go the Legion and stay there. So, I just sat back down. About two hours later, a slash fire was reported up the Number 10. Everybody took off, except fer me and all the old guys at the Legion. That musta been when the gas can in the box of the truck spotaneeous combusted. Too bad, what with the Fire Station right next door with no fire truck and everyone up the Number 10 and all, except fer me and all the old guys at the Legion. Anyway, I figure half the insurance money is mine, right? So, like, when I get my half, you'll have to come up ta the camp and have a brew with me an Del. We are goin up first thing on Monday when I get out. Well, right after I go to Crapping Tire and get a couple of smoke detectors.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 12:20 PM

Geez, man, that is too flippin' bad! What a flippin' shame, eh? I had my heart set on that truck, eh? Well bygones is bygones and ya can't make a dead frog croak, eh? At least ya will get some insoorance money and get halfways even with the hosebitch, eh? Them girls are a pain. I have known plenty like her. You gotta be tough, man, cos they will walk all over you, know'm sayin'?

Well, I am feelin' great cos I gave some flowers to Officer Dana...and she SMILED at me! Like, wow, eh? I am so much in love I could shit. Well, I don't exackly mean that, but you know...

So, like, Don and me have done okay on the terms of our parole here, but fortunately Officer Dana still has to check up on us regular until the judge is totally flippin' satisfied with our behavyer, eh? This is good, because he probally will NEVER be totally stiasified, bein' a judge, and that means Officer Dana will be here just about forever.

This is majorly good!

I have to, like, describe her, eh? Officer Dana is a female OPP officer and she looks great. She is in great shape, eh? She's build like a flippin' athleet, like one of them dkeathlon runners or somepn'. She is blond, real nice haircut, sorta wavy. Her uniform fits like a flippin' glove and is always super clean with real shiny boots. She can drive like flippin' Steve McQueen, man! This babe is totally boss, eh? She wears a gun, of course, but she won't let me try it out. Too bad. I have been hopin' to get her to join me and the buddies shootin' at tin cans over by the dump, eh? But she won't do it. Somepn' about the regulations, eh?

She has gotta follow all them rules, but I guess that is what keeps her in shape, and lemme tell ya, she is IN shape! You can take that to the flippin' bank, eh?

Don tried to put a move on her, and she had him in a armlock so fast that he never seen it comin' at all. After she left, I broke his flippin' nose. That was awhile back, and we wasn't talkin' for weeks and I even moved out, but now we are good buddies again. mostly. You can't turn your back on a brother, man. Specially a brother who is, like, employed, eh, know'm sayin'?

Well, I will fer sure come out fer a visit when I get my next cheqwue fer the newspaper stories. I am doin' one on health food stores now, and it should be flippin' hillarious!

Stay cool, Dale!

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 01:05 PM

Hey Shane. Dale here. Gnu's out gettin hot dogs fer the Last Supper. That's what we call it. We always have a big fancy BBQ on Friday's on accounta I gotta be at the lockup fer six o'clock. Anyway, check this out man. Bring Officer Dana when you come. I'm plannin on askin Corporal Daylia if she's on duty this weekend. Dana sounds just like her, man. Hey. Maybe they are sisters? That'd be, like, major eh? But I am gonna be straight up with her and tell her we ain't takin no rulebook. If she don't wanna partake none she don't haffta, but we ain't goin up ta the camp without some Moose Green and some Alpine, ya know what I'm sayin eh? The girls I goes with roll, and, if they don't roll, they can friggin roll, friggin right eh? Friggin right yer friggin right. Okay, so, let me know when youse guys are comin up and I'll throw another Spruce in the stew.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 01:15 PM

Far flippin' OUT, man! I will let ya know when we can, like, come.

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 09:19 AM

Wade got out yesterday. But he's gotta stay at a haveway house until October. And no booze or baccee. I wonder if he'll turn over an old leaf in October?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 02:45 PM

Hey Shane. Del here. I got hungry on the way home and stopped at gnu's but he ain't here, so I'll just leeve an IOU on the counter. Besides, even I know enuff ta put safety glass in my basement windows. Well, since I misslocated my toes. Take my advise and always ware steel tow boots when yer workin. Anyway, Dale told me your a stand-up guy and that he invited you up at the camp. So you must be a good head. Minds me, I just heard on the radio that Wade got out yesterday. He's gotta stay in a haveway house until October. And no drinkin or nothin. And we can't even friggin visit him. What the frig is with the frig that man? But, in October man, look out man. That would be a good time to come up at the camp. We can have some Spaniels eh. Ya gotta live here ta get em eh. Get it? Ta get em eh? Spaniels eh? The big ones with horns eh? Okay, like, keep it under yer somebrarow eh? Get it? So anyway, like I was gonna say, I heard you are lookin fer a truck. So, like, what kinda truck you lookin for? I probly know someone who has one, like, fer sale and I could, ya know, pick it up and deliver it to you at the nearest Legion or Tim's or someplace. And, sinse you are a good head and all, I will get a real good deal for you. And no worry about reggestratin it in Ontarreeo, on accounta the plates are still good and I got the reggestrashun from Dale's wallet. Okay, I gotta go weed Dale's gardens while he is on vacasion in the Greybar Hotel. Later homes. Get it? Spaniels eh? Somebrarow eh? Homes eh? I am the funny one in the famalee eh. Alrite, addeeose. Get it?

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 01:34 PM

Far flippin' OUT, man! Wade is my hero, eh? He is THE MAN. 50,000 flippin' boottles of beer, eh? Holy flip. That's a score to be, like, proud of. I will come out there just as soon as I can. Fer srue, eh? We gotta party with Wade one a these days, Del.

I go with IOU's too, eh? I been givin' em out fer years to everyone that will still take 'em. The possibliites in this town are gettin' slim, though, for some reason...

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 10:53 AM

That last post was me, eh? I, like, fergot to long in. We can't let this thread flippin' die, eh?

- BDiBR (Shane)

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 12:25 PM

Dale here. Cpl. Daylia said she wants ta come up at the camp as long as we don't smoke in side the camp on accounta she a lergic and can't be near certain kinds a smokes. She says if she even gets the smell on her clothes it could cause her a lot of trouble. I am really happy she said yes and she is keen on meeting Dana too. Did Dana have parents? You know, like, was she an orphin? Just askin eh. Anyway man, we are goin up at the camp in stile. When I got home this mornin, I heard a noise in the barn and guess what man. Del was in the barn with my new wheels. He said he got a real good deal an we can work somethin out when I get the insurance money on the old truck. It's one of them little Suzis with all the trim and, get this man, a 2.2 leeter Chrisler Circus engine. All it needs is a new ignition. Del says it will haul ass man but I haven't tried it yet on accounta Del threw in a paint job at no extra cost and the paint is still wet. He stayed up all night workin on it just so it would be ready fer when I got released. He even got it reggeestrated in my name already. He is the best cousin a cousin could have man. Well, while were waitin on the paint ta dry, I gotto go to the Manpower and see if there's any jobs on the board and then get my card signed by anyone that won't hire me. Then, we're gonna take my new wheels ta the legion and show em off eh. And have a few games of crib. Goes without sayin eh? Later man.

Subject: RE: BS: Popular Views of Gr. White North Hosers!
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 12:03 AM

Corporial Daylia is a lergic? Is that some kind of church thing? Can you, like, be a cop and work for the church at the same time? That would be cool, cos 2 saleries, eh?

Office Dana ain't no orphin, man, she loves her family. They seem to be okay people, but she is the first cop in the family, eh? Her dad has a hardware business and her mom works there too. Forchunitely it ain't the one me and Don busted into before we got arrested, eh? That would not be too cool. We hadda return all the tools and the box of 20 toilet plungers we took.

Del sounds like a cool guy who knows his stuff, eh? He was real nice to do that free paint job. I know what ya mean about applyin' fer jobs what won't hire you, know'm sayin'? I been doin' that fer years. One fliphead HIRED me one time! Can you believe that? Forchunately he fired me 3 days later, but I plea bargooned and he laid me off instead.

Speakin' of which, I been tryin' to get laid off by various women too, but you know women. they are always holdin' out for somethin', only I am not sure exackly what it is. If I found out, then I could, like, strategise better, eh?

What am I sayin'?!! The truth is, I am totally flippin' beseeged by willing females who want to flip me desparately, eh? I can't hardly keep up with it.

Well, I would be, but I don't wanta get Officer Dana mad, cos I am in lvoe with her. By the way, Dana is her last name. Her first name is Jennifer. What a great name, eh? She is the best.

Have fun with yer new wheels, man!

- BDiBR (Shane)