BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!

Subject: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:25 PM

See, Bobert? See what your whining of "There's no more BS!" causes? I just came from Indiana, and these deer left a suicide note blaming you; the police are withholding the note pending notification of the next of kin. And this came from the Associated Press, so you know it's true!

November 29, 2008
5 deer die jumping from overpass onto Ind. highway

Police in Indiana say five deer that wandered onto a highway overpass have jumped to their deaths on Interstate 69, one of them crashing through a tractor-trailer's windshield.

Indiana Department of Natural Resources spokesman John Salb says the deer may have been spooked by cars as they were crossing the overpass Friday. They fell 20 to 30 feet onto the highway.

Police say the driver of the tractor-trailer rig struck by one of the deer was not injured.

Late fall is stressful for deer because it is hunting season, said DNR spokesman Phil Bloom said.

Farmers are also removing the last of their crops from the fields, reducing the animals' food supply as the animals' breeding season is in full swing.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: gnu
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:28 PM

"Late fall is stressful for deer because it is hunting season, said DNR spokesman Phil Bloom said."

Phil is an idiot.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:29 PM

Hey, he's a Hoosier, waddaya expect?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:30 PM

Five down, 150 trillion to go...

B;~)

p.s. Other than the albino yearling that hangs out 'round the farm it wouldn't hurt my feeling's if the rest of them went in extinction... Worlds most useless critters...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Sorcha
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:31 PM

He's been active in Wyoming too...

"Saturday, November 29, 2008 9:46 PM MST

LANDER --The Cowboy State lost more than $7 million worth of deer last year to vehicle collisions, according to state estimates.

More than 1,800 deer were reported killed by drivers in Wyoming in 2007 -- a figure that might represent only half the actual number of deer run down by cars and trucks, an official with the Wyoming Game and Fish department said."

http://www.trib.com/articles/2008/11/30/news/wyoming/7fa0dd44ed066ff387257510002681a5.txt

Come on, Bobert, lay off the poor deer! You can only eat so many! :)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:31 PM

You're confusing deer with the national debt there, Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:32 PM

How do you spell "deer meat", Sorch???

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:33 PM

Waht I just told Sorch, Rap...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Sorcha
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 04:41 PM

Yea, it's spelled 'good' but still, you can only eat so many! LOL


(psssttt....antelope is MUCH better)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 05:37 PM

Those five deer were members of the Mystic Dawn cult, a group of deer who believed that the world as we know it would end at midnight on November 28th, 2008, and be replaced by a world completely devoid of human beings and with no further human meddling in animal affairs. Mystic Dawn deer nationwide are in a deep state of shock due to the fact that midnight of November 28th came and went, and nothing changed. Expect more of these mass suicides in the coming days.

Cult leader Bamalam, said to be a descendant of the famous Bambi, has issued a statement from El Cajon, California, saying that there was simply an error in the astrological calculations, and that "everything is go for complete transformation", but at a later date. Bamalam is being cagey about when the exact date is, saying only, "Those whose faith are strong are willing to wait," but he has hinted at the year 2012.

This means that Mystic Dawn deer have to put up with Bobert (and all those other human beings) for at least 3 more years and a bit.

It won't be easy. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 05:50 PM

Thanks, LH... Now all I gotta do is find that sumabich, Bamalam, get him drunk and get him to tell the rest of deerdom to jump off bridges... And once they have all jumped and none are left other than my albino and Bamalam, he's gonna "get the gun" an'...

...other than the folks who own body shops and redneck America, things will be much nicer for everyone else...

I can't wait... No more $108 a gallon "Liquid Fence"... No more gettin woke up at dawns first light by the P-Vine ordering me to shoot one of the sumabiches who is in her garden... No more of the sumabiches thinkin' that they is the superior race... No more, no more...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 06:27 PM

Ask Amos to track down Bamalam. He lives near El Cajon.

I haven't managed to convince any of my friends with hunting relatives that they should pass along some of that good meat. They can't sell it, it's against state law, it would have to be a gift. I'm sure I'd like to offer a gift in return--perhaps cash, in case I didn't choose the right size in clothing, etc.

We shall see.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 06:37 PM

Bobert, you will be pleased to know that my family has thus far in 2008 taken six (6) deer and converted them to people food. They can, and will, take four more. These have all been taken on our friend Niles' farm; Niles ended the farming year "in the red" due in part to deer eating his profits (another part was way, way too much rain). The six taken thus far were all does, except for one "button buck," and they will taste just as good or better as an 18-point buck.

But I think that you are not feeling properly guilty about your part in the suicide pact of these deer.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 07:05 PM

That'sa good thing, Rap... 20 of 'um were shot last season on our farm... I shot 3 and killed two of 'um... The problem is that you can't shoot 'um fast enough... They repopulate faster than you can pull the trigger... They are a national menace... They 'cause billions of dollars in damage to cars and crops... Not only that, the sumabiches also kill people... They should be erradicated once and for all... They are the most useless animal that God ever invented... Might of fact, when I think about them, I think God was drunk the night he drew them up on th drawing board...

But keep firin' away, Rap... Use the AK47 if you like... No, get a Gatlin gun... No, no... Get you some serious WMDs and have at the useless sumabiches...

Bambi, my butt...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Sorcha
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 07:10 PM

No, Bobert....that was the moose. God HAD to have been drunk when he designed the moose...or was it even 'designed'? Me, I think it's just leftover parts.

We didn't manage any deer this year, but we did get 4 antelope...the Scourge of Wyoming. Millions of them suckers. Had some for dinner tonight too, my own 'corned' roast. Man, that is good eatin'!

Yea, kill em all I say!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 07:11 PM

Niles has a permit to shoot any number of them year 'round. The suckers are having triplets at his place, so they are more than replacing themselves.

Yeah, it's nice that we have what amounts to a private shooting preserve of 2,400 acres in the middle of Illinois' "Golden Triangle" of deer hunting, but Niles is gettin' awful sick of dressing out venison, even though the local food banks are happy to get the meat. (We are the only people, besides Niles' kin, who are allowed to hunt on the property.)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 07:12 PM

Hey, Sorcha! I've got some antelope burger in the freezer. Got a good recipe?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: EBarnacle
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 07:23 PM

I'll be happy to share a great recipe in exchange for some of that antelope meat.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 07:30 PM

Humph! Some pretty insulting remarks here toward moose and deer. You should hear what they say about YOU.

You're all gonna be sorry when 2012 rolls around.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 08:17 PM

Report from Deer Region IV--Southeast Ohio

Now I don't want to say the Hoosier dude is a dumbshit but around here the general feelings regarding hunting held by members of the deer population are not known. Nor are we aware they are unduly stressed over the harvest. What IS known and the reason they are more active in this neck of the woods (and Indiana as well) is that they are in rut! Many are the bucks who have been driven to all manner of insanity by this natural phenomenon and that includes leaping into the paths of passing Subarus and Kenworths as well.

As a matter of fact...............

Last week we're driving into Lancaster for Michael's Birthday Dinner. As we come into town on a four lane, Tristan starts yelling about a deer off to the right. We all look but its dusk and harrd to see. I'm driving so I take only a brief glance. Then I quickly look to the right as anyone used to driving in country heavily populated with deer knows to do as where there is one, there is probably a herd. Sure enough I see coming across 2 lanes already and almost upon me is a large buck. We are too close to avoid him and we are destined to meet up very quickly! This all happens in a brief few seconds that seem in slow motion.

He's coming for the driver's side door and as I look out he leaps and the hooves are heading right for me. About 35 years ago I had a friend who was beaten up badly by a deer coming into his car the same way and that story which I've been telling for the past 35 years was getting all too real. They have tremendous jumping ability and sure enough his chest came into view and over the car he went with a rear hoof hitting the roof loudly.

My heart must be doing okay because it kept right on and the ICD never triggered. Furthermore I neither pissed my pants or shit myself.   I glimpsed him in the offside mirror running away and I pulled to the side into a handy parking lot. There was only a 3"x1" crease in the roof skin of the Diamante and a broken rear aerial. That was it!   This was our fifth encounter with the critters and the least damage yet! One resulted in $7000. damage to a car they decided to total. The crease won't be fixed. I think we'll keep it as a conversation piece!

Later............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 08:33 PM

Sarah Palin may be your last great hope for stopping all those deer and moose. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 08:49 PM

There we have it, Mudfellows...

A testimonial from the world's most honest adult person, the infamous Spawzer, backin' up what I have been sayin'... Deer suck... Yeah, when you have Spawzer in yer corner, you know you are on the right side of all that is true and just so...

...here's my suggestion... Open deer season to all 387 days that are in a year, allow WMDs in huntin' the sumabiches, give $50 bounties for does, $25 for Bambi and 10 dollars per point for the bucks...

That is my proposal...

This is war... Not just some fist fight behind the bowling alley... It's either us or them... The best way to stop all this ruttin' is to kill 'um 'cause accordin' to the Wes Ginny Slide Rule..

... dead bucks don't rut, an' you can take that all the way to closest game check station...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 08:54 PM

They have you massively outnumbered, Bobert! Don't make the same mistake that Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee did. You cain't win this one, son.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 08:58 PM

The only reason the Lee and Davis quit is they got arm weary from holding the gun up shootin' Yankees...

Them things get heavy after 4 years...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 09:08 PM

Well, the way I've always figgered it, Bobert, the South had one real good chance of winning that war, and this was it: They shouldn't made a lightning advance right into Washington D.C. immediately after First Bull Run, occupied the danged capitol, and maybe even took Lincoln prisoner. That would've done it. Nip the war in the bud before the Yankees knew what hit 'em. There was nuthin' to stop the Army of Virginia from marching into Washington after Bull Run, not like a year or two later when the place was surrounded by forts and massively protected. Yup, that was their chance.

But they didn't take it. They were happy enough to have successfully resisted an invasion attempt and won themselves a battle in the field. Them boys just didn't think big enough.

Now the deer...that's a tougher case. My feeling is that they are unstoppable.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 09:10 PM

Bobert...have you considered that these deer might be...kamikazis?? That they allow themselves to be martyred so that the Greater New Deer World Order will be achieved? That they receive a reward in the Afterlife of scampering through gardens and apple orchards surrounded by does or bucks, depending upon their preference?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 09:27 PM

Well, LH, of course yer absolutely right... If Johnny Reb had just chased all them DC socialite picnic goers who came out to watch the Union put a whup on the Rebs right back to DC, heck, the war woulda been over the day after 1st Bull Run... 20/20 hindsight... Prolly wouldn't have effected the deer much, however, 'casue...

...Rap is right... The deer is part of Osama bin Laden's plan... They is martyrein' themselves so they can get 50 virgins in that big azalea garden in the sky...

(How 'bout the does, Boberdz???)

Details... You know that the womenz is always tryin to throw a fly into the ointment when it comes to history... Actually the womenz cause men folk to do most of the stupid things we do... I'm purdy sure of that...

I mean, lets do a little review here... Just recently you, LH, went thru three of 'um in a matter of weeks... It was embarassin' to watch but like a snake eatin' a mouse we watched anyway... See???

But nevermind the womenz here... Thay ain't the problem... Okay, they are but no ***this problem***... This is about deer and Rap is entirely right that they are are being used as pawns by bin Laden as domestic jihadists an' therefore...

...must be *offed* in the name of liberty and democracy...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: artbrooks
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 09:48 PM

Hey, Spaw - they do road-kill tags back there?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: MarkS
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 09:55 PM

Don't think of them as cute animals, think of them as oversized woods dwelling rats and you will have the right perspective.
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 10:22 PM

Ohio lets you keep the deer you kill when it hits your car. It's sort of a consolation prize for your new car.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: artbrooks
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 10:26 PM

Hummm - does the insurance company deduct the value of the meat?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 11:15 PM

My friend Wayne who just came by tonight on his way out for this full week of gun season had one year where the local police where he lives called him twice to pick up freshly killed deer. He got three that year and son David also got three plus the two roadies.......we had to add freezer space (Wayne always shares the hunt with us). Its amazing what you can do with venison!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 11:57 PM

I suggest taking the backstraps (the filets) and cutting them into medallions, then quickly and carefully sauteeing them in butter infused with garlic. Serve with a sauce made of butter melted with red currant jelly, a splash of port, a touch of horseradish, and the tiniest bit of salt and pepper.

Some twice-baked potatoes and a spinach souffle, with a lovely red wine, nicely complement the entree. A good port and Stilton, with fresh berries, would make a nice dessert.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 12:09 AM

Take the loins and slice them very thin and treat them as Veal Scallopini. Do a roast as you would Peking Duck......the orange flavor is excellent. We call it Peking Buck. Also cook in dry white wine with a rosemary and mint rub. Known here as Lambi Bambi. And of course you make the classic Sloppy Joe mix with ground deer which is very lean and serve up Sloppy Doe.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Barry Finn
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 02:08 AM

Deer, that ain't nothin, we got deer, bear, wolf, moose by the boat load out here in New Hampshire but what we got that you ain't seen is big ratcoons. I hit one 7 months ago & me teeth are still rattlin in my gums. Broke the lower splash guard of my Toy ota. Cost a grand to fix & my deduct says tha I paid half. I didn't know it was a coon that didin my bumper till the ajuster pull off a tuff of fur from what was left of the bumper. I though I just ran over it with my tire cause it felt like I was rollin over a tree stump, twice. I looked back in the rear veiw mirror & saw this pissed off giant standing on 2 hind legs with both fore fronts foreward & giving my the finger, with both feet! A' yelling all kinds of unrepeatables. I'm glad I didn't stop, cause as mad as it was, it was gonna kick my ass if I got out & it told me so. You can eat your raodkill deer & suck but around here we don't eat ratcoon cause those critters are to dam tough.

Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 02:10 AM

"$50 bounties for does, $25 for Bambi and 10 dollars per point for the bucks..." Bobret

See, there is where you've gone wrong, Beaubie. Men. In the time that does have at most three (triplets) young'uns, a buck can have 30. Put the higher bounty on Joe Buck and you'll soon have the population out of your gardens and under control.

Oh, I see you said "10 dollars per point for the bucks."

Never mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 07:54 AM

The hunters 'round here don't like to shoot does, Eb... They will sit in their tree stands all day long waitin' on a buck an' watch doe after doe wander by... Then they complain that they ain't got any meat fir the freezer???

Yeah, Barry, we got some of them ratcoons here in Virginny... I trap 'um and relocate 'um, even though that is technically illegeal... Don't ask me???... Yeah, in Virginny you can trap Rocky Racoon and blow his brains out and that's okay but don't let the sumabich go over on the Massanutten Mountain, which BTW has nice streams and no people livin' there...

Now back to bib Laden's jihidist deer army...

BTW, LH, if the Rebs had taken DC after 1st Bull Run do you think that a Bobby Bear song would be the National Anthem??? 'Er Hank, Jr???

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Will Fly
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 08:19 AM

Jaysus - I hadn't realised that deer were seen as such a menace in the US! How in the name of anything did Disney get to make Bambi so popular? People weep buckets in the cinema when Bambi's family get put to the sword, so to speak...

I'm just sorry you're all so far away across the pond - venison's damned expensive over here, and I could do with raiding your freezers!

Will (in the UK, where you need a special licence to cull deer)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Sorcha
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 08:30 AM

If I grind wild meat, it usually just goes into bulk breakfast sausge. I get the pre mixed spices at the local butcher. Or you could get an equal amount of ground beef or pork and make a meatloaf from it. I pretty much treat all the wild meat just like beef.

My backstrap recipe is...slice about 2" thick. Marinate in raspberry balsamic vinegar (plain balsamic will do), an equal amount of olive oil, tsp of basil leaves and a tsp of coarse black pepper. Marinate several hours, cook on the grill/barbie just a few minutes each side. You want this RARE.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: artbrooks
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 08:50 AM

Will Fly: part of the problem - maybe the major part - is that the deers' natural predators (wolves and the like) have been pretty much eliminated except in restricted areas because they also attack livestock. Another factor is that farmland provides an area for them to feed that they didn't have when the land was in its "natural state". The result is basically unrestricted breeding.

Another problem is that many people see deer as "cute", as a result of Disney and others of his ilk. I used to live in Erie, Pennsylvania, and there is a nice little park there called Presque Isle. It used to be an island, but they put in a short causeway and a road many years ago. The deer are essentially trapped in the park, where hunting is forbidden (the surrounding area is very built-up), and it is necessary to seriously cull them every few years. The city folks get really upset at this!! I guess they think Bambi is better of starving than being shot.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:22 AM

Some years ago I went over to Niles' place hunting the same weekend a cull was going on at Indiana's Brown County State Park (yeah, there were a LOT of deer huggers and even an attempt to show in court that the deer in the park were a separate species from the rest of the State). We shot a buck estimated to be about 2.5 years old; it dressed out 174 pounds of good meat. That weekend a buck estimated to be 2.5 years old was shot in the park; it dressed out 47 pounds of meat. Same age -- but one was in an area that was tragically overpopulated and overgrazed.

Barry -- we have all that out here, as well as grizzly bear, mountain lions, coyotes, elk, and (way up north and VERY protected) caribou.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 10:19 AM

The local Bambi-ites are now a bit more confused since coyotes have made the move to where the deer now live and where many Bambi-ites have decided to move. This results in the loss of family pets. Bambi eats the garden and Wiley kills the shih-tsu. The Bambi-ites are confused.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Genie
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 12:10 PM

"Sarah Palin may be your last great hope for stopping all those deer and moose. ;-)"

Little Hawk, I think you're probably right. But she's taken it just a bit TOO far!

G

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 03:12 PM

Yes! I just read about that. It's horrifying.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: GUEST,marks (on the road)
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:49 PM

Hey Spaw

Please post a more detailed recipe for Peiking Buck ( or PM me with it!) Sounds too good to leave untried.
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:58 PM

So I had this ground venison, see? And my wife was gone and I wanted to make something really neat for her when she came back the next day? So I checked a venison cookbook and here's this recipe that sounds like a jazzed-up lasagna using spaghetti noodles and a different sauce, okay? And I had all the stuff, so I start making it?

Three (3) hours later I'm making a bechamel sauce from f*****g scratch!!! and the stuff isn't yet complete, much less cooked! It took me eight (8) goddamn hours to make the stuff before I even put it in the oven, and I mean I was working at it all the time!

Now I just use ground venison in sloppy joes, spaghetti sauce, meat loaf, and stuff like that. I have even blocked out of my mind the name of that dish.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: GUEST,MarkS (on the road)
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:17 AM

But Rap - just think of the admiration you got from your missus for all the effort. You must have scored some MAJOR points there!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:33 AM

Speakin' of suicide... Between spending 8 hours cookin' and suicide I'd take the later, thank you...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Drives Deer To Suicide!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:24 AM

Yeah, well, the next time I saw the dish it was on the menu at a Greek restaurant, made with lamb. I ate it there and it was quite good. Hell, it was good when I made it. Bettera been after all that work.