BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?

Subject: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:11 AM

I say "no". Definitely not. An alienated Dachshund is quite likely to bite your lower leg, pee on your furniture, and commit a variety of acts of property destruction.

He will also spend much time hurling canine vocal abuse in your direction...and they're loud little guys.

Never alienate your Dachshund. Never alienate anyone else's Dachshund either. That's my advice.

You can make friends with any Dachshund easily by offering him:

1. food
2. praise
3. more food
4. appreciation
5. and MORE food!

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: *#1 PEASANT*
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:32 AM

We bred AKC dachshunds for years.
Had two braces over the duration.

Actually for no reason of their own they were alienated when the British were at war with germany. Lots of anti dachshund cartoons and commentary - how could you have one messages everywhere.

While living in London my family obtained a short haired black and tan dachshund. Because we were in london he was Named Nigel.

Lster when we toured Germany with him the germans were quite amused.
"that is not a german name"

Just shows how prejudices can get in the way of a good thing just as people have more to their being and worth than their politics reveals.

Dachshunds are great. We are taking a break to travel to places that ban dogs but will be back into them some day. Only drawback is that they are obsessed with bagers (Dachs) and can not resist a hole.
I could never get the ten guys who are needed to dig them out in event of collapse

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:38 AM

Do they not like being badgered then?

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:40 AM

Yes, there is nothing more motivated and determined than a Dachshund who has gone 10 or 15 feet down a badger hole in pursuit of its elusive and outraged occupant. You can hear their barking echoing hollowly up from the subterranean regions as they yell, "You're doomed, badger! Doomed, I tell you! DOOMED!"

Badgers just hate that. ;-)

Nigel is a really cute name for a Dachshund, even if it isn't   German.

I've known Dachshunds named Rudy, Oscar, Frisky, Wrinkles, Valdy, Rennie, Arnot, Ernie, Fritz, and Brassy.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:47 AM

No Wienie?

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: *#1 PEASANT*
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:17 PM

Excuse me gun but that is the dachchsund version of the "N" word~! guard your legs

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: *#1 PEASANT*
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:19 PM

Yes nothing more determined than dachshunds.
I took two of mine out in the woods as we did off leash....
I told them not to go into the large mucky puddle but they said who's he . Nothing funnier than two dachshunds stuck up their shoulders in clay mud. I let them sit there for a while whining.

They always listened to me thereafter.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:20 PM

They also have an intense dislike for "the wheelbarrow".

That is when you take hold of a Dachshund's rear legs with your hands, lift them up a bit, and steer him around the room, wheelbarrow fashion...he has little choice but to go in whichever direction you point him.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: topical tom
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:29 PM

Alienate them? Ratherpity the males.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: *#1 PEASANT*
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:44 PM

Great song!

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Bert
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:46 PM

One should elevate them rather than alienate them.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:50 PM

You're on the right track, Bert. ;-) Every Dachshund secretly yearns to be tall some day...to occupy a high station from which he can gaze indulgently down upon his loyal subjects.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Bert
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:56 PM

Of course, in their own minds, they are big dogs.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 01:31 PM

I tell my mother's dachsund that I'm going to fry her up.....love sausages.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: *#1 PEASANT*
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 01:44 PM

DACHSHUNDS WITH ERECTIONS CAN'T CLIMB STAIRS
by Les Barker.

Each night she's on the balcony
He loves her from afar
His soft, sad eyes are hypnotised
She shines down like a star.
His heart will break forever
His kind can't have affairs
For Dachshunds with erections...
Can't climb stairs.
His home's a humble bungalow
And her's a penthouse flat
He cannot go where she can go
And that, they say, is that.
He never can be near her
Although she knows he cares
For Dachshunds with erections...
Can't climb stairs.
You want to win a woman?
Just be cool... be aloof
The dog who doesn't hit the stairs
Can make it to the roof.
The dog who doesn't care
Will be the dog who wins the day
You'll never get to heaven...
With your chopper in the way.
The spirit soars, the body falls
And heavy lies the heart
That cries out with the pain of love
Be still my broken part.
How painful is the passion
And painful the repairs
For Dachshunds with erections
Can't climb stairs.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 02:38 PM

There is no better breed than the dachshunds. B&T, red, mini, longhair, they are all terrific -- especially with a good beauchamel sauce.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 02:48 PM

Just keep them a bit on the rare side Rap.....Otherwise they are tough and have a rancid taste.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 03:04 PM

Wienies.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 03:08 PM

Grey Poopon?

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 03:27 PM

I knew a guy who had a female Dachshund who was coming into heat. They had a visitor with a male Afghan hound. The Dachshund owner wanted the Afghan tied up somewhere very securely, as he didn't want any 'strange' puppies.

The Afghan owner laughed and said: "Mate with a Dachshund? He'd never stoop so low."

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 03:32 PM

Hehehehee. Good one!

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 04:41 PM

Sorry, I wondered into the wrong thread....mistook it for the Should you alienate douchebags thread. I'm moving on to find it again.
Not meaning to interrupt your doggie styled discussion.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: akenaton
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 05:21 PM

I certainly think Dachshunds should be alienated, as they are widely perceived to be not much higher than a snakes belly!

I also believe in the rehabilitation of Greyhounds, who have been abused dreadfully by the "liberal" bunny wunny lovers, and other wet nosed wimps.

I can remember when these innocuous looking rodents, with their floppy ears and innocent big eyes, almost wiped out the human population of Scotland, by munching their way through acres of corn. At the time many in England thought this a jolly good thing too, but in reality the antipathy of Greyhounds to the monsterous regiment of bunny wunny's saved humanity in Scotland!

Three cheers for Greyhounds....every home should have one...Ake

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Bert
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 07:06 PM

humanity in Scotland???

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 07:08 PM

It does seem a bit unlikely, doesn't it? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: akenaton
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 07:09 PM

Ur u English By the way?

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 07:12 PM

Actually, I'm half Scottish. I'm not sure which half...(studying myself carefully in the full length mirror)...but definitely half.

I have been known to go out of my way to listen to bagpipes, and I yearn to have an accent like Sean Connery.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 10:04 PM

Winona Ryder is "descended" from the Scots-descended William Shatner.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 03:58 AM

Should you alienate them?

No.

But you should always treat them with respect, particulary when you know that facist sandwiches are their very favourite food...

Be afraid, be VERY afraid!

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: CET
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:52 AM

I have been mildly curious for some time about the meaning of "Dachshund". Personally, I would back the average badger to take on about six dachshunds at a time. Did the Germans once upon a time breed a particularly savage type of dachshund that could bite through concrete and had six inch claws? Or are German badgers little wimpy, latte sipping vegetarians who gather every Friday to sing out of Rise up Singing?

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 10:24 AM

Liz! LOL!!!

CET - The breed has changed some over the years. They were originally bred in Germany specifically for the purpose of pursuing a badger into his hole, siezing him in their strong jaws, and dragging him back out. This, as you have surmised, is not an easy task. Badgers are quite fierce when cornered.

However, the German Dachshunds were fully able to take on the badger and win. The original Dachshund breed was a bit runtier looking, with very crooked legs. It was thought that the crooked legs would assist it in negotiating badger tunnels, but that was a misconception. In fact, it interfered some with the dog's mobility when running on open ground. Accordingly, this characteristic was bred out of most Dachshunds, and their legs are now generally straighter and better looking than in those days...though still short, of course.

Of the Dachshunds I've known over the years, there have been a few who definitely displayed the pluck, courage, and skill to take down a badger. There have been others who would probably not have had the courage to try it.

One thing they all seem to share is the ability to totally focus on an objective (such as killing a small, furry animal of some sort) to the point that they simply forget about all else, including (in many cases) their own safety. Once they decide they're going after something, that's it!

Another thing they all share is exceedingly strong jaws and neck for biting and hanging on to the bitter end. You do not want to get bitten by a Dachshund who is in a fighting mood. Once they have hold of something, they tend to hang on and keep deepening the bite.

They also have pretty large canine teeth, good for the purpose.

In short, there seem to be 2 kinds of Dachshunds around now. First of all, there are the latte-drinking types which you alluded to. These have had much of the hunting instinct bred out of them in order to make them friendly and affable pets for the modern suburbanite...dogs who are basically social creatures intent on comfort, good times, and companionship, with only a vestigial memory of "the hunt".

Then you have those who exhibit the original hunting character...and they are utterly determined and ruthless killers of anything with fur on it that isn't a dog and is relatively small (badger, groundhog, cat, rat, mouse, squirrel, muskrat, weasel, etc). Those guys will take on anything they can catch that isn't a fair bit larger than they are, they are extremely courageous, and downright deadly to smallish animals of all kinds. I can well imagine them hauling a badger out of his burrow, because once they have their little minds fixed on the target and the adrenalin is running...the target had better find a tree to climb fast or it's dead.

These latter hunting type Dachshunds make wonderful pets too, by the way. They are courageous, loyal, affectionate to their owners, and usually quite friendly to other people too...unless you're an intruder who breaks in in the middle of the night...in which case they will treat you rather like they would the badger. Not nicely, in other words.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 10:40 AM

First of all, I wasn't goin' to post to this thread but I'm waitin' for the P-Vine to get ready to go off for the day and, well, ya'll know hw womenz is... Plus, ain't nuthin' shakin' under the line this mornin', so...

...first of all, Part B, contrary to popular opinion (at least here in Mudburg) the dachshund is not a dog at all... It is a reptile... Yup, it is a fat, squatty, fur covered snake that barks and pees on yer furniture... So there...

Second of all, fir you folks who think you are takin' these miserable little DNA challenged things for walks??? Wrong... You are pulling them and it's cruel... Ya'll should be turned into PETA... No, not the bread but the angry snake and furry-critter huggin' commies that Bob Barker invented...

What else???

Oh yeah... The pee... See, this is proof that these things are terribly DNA challenged... Seein' as they really can't stand up when they pee they are peein' in themselves and then have to kind roll in it to get it on the leg of that Victorian couch that yer grannie left you... And that is a fact...

What else????

Hmmmmmmmm???? That's about it fir now other than did I mention that if you are bitten by one of these things there is a chance that should you be involved in human reproduction at any level that their DNA might have gotten into you and yer kids may end up being folk musicans!!! I know... Horrors!!! That's right on both counts... The folk musicans part and the horrors part, too...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 11:42 AM

(sigh) Oh, the shocking insensitivity of it all!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you....

Wiener Dog Racing!

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 11:49 AM

Why are they all wearing water wings when the race is on dry land? And isn't that in the city whose football team is affectionately known as the Bungles? The plot thickens.

Don't take a black and tan dachshund to Ireland - they'll really be alienated.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 04:04 PM

May the Woof be with You

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 04:55 PM

I do have to add that I have known a few dachshunds, and in all fairness, they're nuts.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 05:07 PM

You can certainly make a case for that. Almost every Dachshund I've ever known had some odd character trait. But I could say that about all the people I've known too.

The one Dachshund we had who seemed totally normal to me was Oscar. He was only extreme about hunting. He was obsessed with hounding furry animals to their doom. As such, he was the perfect example of the traditional hunting Dachshund. I don't think it fair to call him "nuts" for being so dedicated to his particular talent. After all, that's what they bred them for.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:29 PM

The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: olddude
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:45 PM

a soft couch and a blanket and they are your friends for life. i got 3 on my couch right now. it could be 120 degrees and they still want a blanket to tunnel under

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:49 PM

That's 'casue they are snakes, oldster... That's what snakes do...

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Ed T
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:52 PM

So what's the worst that could happen if you did alienate these short-stop mutts..you could likely out run them...and if they caught you unawares...the most they could do is bite your ankle...or kick it with a back leg...you could just change your socks if that happened :)

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:55 PM

They ain't got legs, Ed, so rule out kickin' ya'... They could pee themselves and rub on yer shoe... That's about it...

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Ed T
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:58 PM

Well, in Canada's winter, an actual benefit, the rubbing could clean the salt stains off yer boots.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Ed T
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 07:02 PM

Could this be true?

http://ihasahotdog.com/2009/01/31/funny-dog-pictures-snakes-swallow-their-prey-whole/

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 08:15 PM

I don't know if that's true, but I do know that it is every Dachshund's dream to one day die by overeating. Many have tried. A few have succeeded.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Bert
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 11:56 PM

Ah! what a relief, you're still with us Little Hawk. For a minute there I though that might have been you in that belly!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Amergin
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 01:43 AM

The dachsund my parents have now is actually a picky eater....she loves cheeseburgers...but she will actually take her time eating them...the few times a year she gets one....as for regular food, she does not eat much at all. Very strange dog.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Spleen Cringe
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 02:59 AM

LH: "Nigel is a really cute name for a Dachshund, even if it isn't German"

Don't be silly. Nigel is a good name for a poodle. Dachshunds should be called Kevin.

Yours Doggedly,

Nigel the poodle.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 08:13 AM

Dachshunds were originally known as Dachhunds, then they fell off the roof (Dach) and the fall compressed their legs. The rest is history.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 09:36 AM

The version I heard is they were called Druckhunds...which is German for Squeeze-dog :)

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 09:57 AM

Why shucks, growin' up in the German-American community I did, we jist called 'em "dash hounds".

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 11:21 AM

They are nuisance incarnate.


They don't even like themselves very much. Low self-esteem, induced by having to look up to anything bigger than a gerbil, has bred neurosis into their nervous system over time. They over-compensate endlessly in inventive ways such as yapping. It cures nothing and then people laugh at them, which just reinforces the negative self-impression. Thing is, in their case, their inferiority complex is perfectly justified.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 11:48 AM

Louie! You're back. So how's the job hunt going? Still suffering from the "Amos" delusion, I see? Clinging to those wild fantasies of urban sophistication will only hold you back, man. Shed the false Amos latte-drinker identity you have clung to and come to terms with who you really are. Your drinking buddies and the guys down at the gun club really miss you.

Your comments about the typical neurotic suburban Dachshund are pretty accurate, but you obviously haven't met a "hunting" Dachshund. Those guys are proud of who they are, take a back seat to no one, are afraid of nothing, and they get the job done! If you were to follow their sterling example, I think you would do very well...maybe even be able to pay off your dilapidated fallen down trailer home and put your beat-up old car back on the road. Maybe buy your wife some shoes too.

Think about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Becca72
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 01:04 PM

I've mentioned her before, but when I was in my early teens I had a dog half Dachshund half German Shepard. We called her Ginger because of her coloring (Ginger and black). She looked like a short, long German Shepard...which is very alienating.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 01:05 PM

THis delusory flapdoodle from a guy who offers spiritual guidance to the world at large the way Ray Kroc offers high-quality repasts, and who wants to persuade us that anthropogenic global warming is just a big misinterpretation of data. Hmmmm....duly noted and weighed accordingly.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 01:53 PM

Heh! Heh! Heh! (laughing in my apple juice here)

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 02:30 PM

I have often hear folks that say that people often resemble their dogs. I suspect, except for Dachshund owners?

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 02:41 PM

I have sometimes seen a Dachshund owner who bears a facial resemblance to their Dachshund. Then too, sometimes you see a stout owner with a stout Dachshund. The part about the legs....no.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 03:24 PM

Actually, if you stood a dachshund on one end with his pointy little tail sticking up between his legs, he would look like Hawkster, somewhat. Maybe the old truism just requires rotating around one axis...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 03:33 PM

I have no fear of being compared to so noble a creature as the Dachshund.

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 03:40 PM

Well; admitting there is room for improvement is a fine start, sir. You are to be commended.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: bfdk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 05:14 PM

Dachshunds are stubborn brats, and I definitely ressemble mine.

They are also highly intelligent, extremely loyal and courageous..

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Amergin
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 06:30 PM

My parents' dachshund bears a striking resemblance to both Putin and Dobby....

Subject: RE: BS: Should you alienate Dachshunds?
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 06:51 PM

Louie, Ray Kroc's been dead for quite a while.