BS: What to do when ya gettin old

Subject: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 10:53 AM

I been pondering this question. I still got a ways to go but I don't like being bored. So I figured I am going to mess with my kids heads for fun.

Some ideas I came up with. Have the police call them
"ya we found your dad walking around town in his underwear again" . ya see even if I am not senile, I will pretend I am just to mess with them.

Gonna start off with the old deaf part ... "what did you say, speak up so they can repeat it 700 times"

this could be fun, don't tell em

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Arthur_itus
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 10:56 AM

You put things down and forget where you left them. 2 weeks later you find your car keys in the fridge :-)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 10:59 AM

Arthur... check the garage to see if anything smells off.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Arthur_itus
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:00 AM

OMG Gnu, thank you so much, I found the fish I was going to have for breakfast 2 weeks ago. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:03 AM

Look down at the crotch of my pants and yell, "is it raining"

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:04 AM

Like one of Damon Runyon's hand-to-mouth guys ~~ The Best You Can...

~Michael~[78]

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Arthur_itus
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:05 AM

LOL Dan

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:24 AM

Try that eye chart on the other thread!

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:27 AM

Pretend I'm deaf and see if I want to change my will.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM

You could then write a book. Geezer flew over the Cookoo's nest.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:35 AM

Recount all your favorite stories to all your friends before you forget them, and even post them in some online forum so they will be there for a long time.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:36 AM

An old guy approaches a woman on the street.

"Is my fly down," he asks.

"No sir," she replies.

"Are you sure," he says.

Yes, Sir, it is not down, says the woman.

"Strangest thing," he says.
It should be, "cause I'm peeing."

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:36 AM

Chewing, I meant take a bite of food, but pretend you are still chewing it for 10 minutes and watch the stare

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:37 AM

Tell all your favorite memories to all your friends while you still remember them, and post them in some online chat forum so they will be there for a long time.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:39 AM

Maybe you could gather a lot of your memories and post them online so your friends can read them....

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:40 AM

What an interesting idea...let me think about it and get back to you...

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:51 AM

Wait for a McDonald's commercial to come on TV then stand up and yell
" Wagon Train my favorite show"

I am going to have a riot with this

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:59 AM

But ya see ya can't keep it up constant cause they will stick ya in a home. What I plan on doing is go through the sharp as a tack stage. yea kids check out my new song and can you read this chapter of the book I am writing. Have a look at this new piece of software I came up with. Then when they think ... gosh dad is a sharp as a tack again, start calling everyone I meet "Bob" male or female ... "Have a great day Bob" when it is Betty next door ... every person "BOB" then watch the reaction. Now I gotta let my grandson in on it so he can keep the secret and laugh. Sounds like a good plan to not get bored.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:03 PM

I dunno. When I was 60 I (with Susan) started Digitrad. When I was 70, I bought CAMSCO Music. When I was 80, I started book publishing. I'm really not sure what to do next, but I'll come up with something.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:13 PM

Mess with the kids Dick, it will be fun. I thinking finding one of Bobart's head banging rock songs, blast it over and over and over again. They stand up and say "Gosh I love Hank Williams!"

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:34 PM

This is the *funniest* thread, Dan! I'm chuckling fit to burst over here!   Sooooo funny! :0)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:41 PM

I gotta get the look down right also. I thinking got to buy some pant that are 2 sizes big and long, hike em up under my arm pits with suspenders ... come out and say "perfect fit"

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:44 PM

The suspenders will *definitely* get you put into the Home, Dan....

Oh cripes, I need a Laughing Smiley sooooooo badly!

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:51 PM

But every time I talk to my grandson I will just be myself and watch them scratch their heads ... then before I leave I will fill the dishwasher up with cans of green beans and Campbell's soup

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:57 PM

I gotta be careful with this, the kids know me too well so it will take some acting to pull it off. Like the time we went to visit Ireland and stopped at one of the Abby's there. Wayyyy up on the hill was a big statute. My youngest asked "Dad what is that" I immediately replied "why that is the famous Irish Cliff Jesus!" She went to school bragging to her teacher that she saw the famous Irish cliff Jesus ... The teacher fell over laughing.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 01:05 PM

Well my buddie just called he wants to go fishin ... ya see I am suppose to be workin but "I fish therefore I am"   be back at ya a little later ... give me some more "mess with the kids idea's

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 01:15 PM

Hey, olddude, do you really want to be weird ?

Be kind to your grandchildren
.
Listen to them.
Talk to them.
Help them with their fears.

You will be a real rarity, believe me.

I have a friend who is second in command of the school system in an upscale suburb. I told her about my neighbor girls, whose eyes light up when they see me, because they know I will talk to them.

My friend cast her eyes toward heaven and exclaimed. "Any adult who will TALK to them...!"

Then there was the child psychologist in the paper, who said, "Today's children spell loveT-I-M-E."

You get the idea? You wanna be unusual in today's society? Just act normal.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 01:16 PM

My kids would never get it, but as to my friends.................ya' know, I've been such an unpredictable wack job my whole life that most people would simply roll their eyes and say, "Geeziz, now what's with this shit?"

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 01:25 PM

Lizzie, in they USA they call braces "suspenders", but I think suspenders would be more fun.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 01:46 PM

>>>>>>Maybe you could gather a lot of your memories and post them online so your friends can read them<<<<<< great idea Bill but what memories??....

>>>>>>Mess with the kids Dick, it will be fun. I thinking finding one of Bobart's head banging rock songs, blast it over and over and over again. They stand up and say "Gosh I love Hank Williams!"<<<<<<<...... Olddude... In the UK if you mess with a kids dick you are labelled paedophile!!! LOL

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 02:30 PM

I like Bill D's Recount all your favorite stories to all your friends before you forget them and the subtle way that he suggested "tell them all multiple times until they finish them before you do" by posting it twice as if he didn't remember telling it.

You also need to change each story slightly every now and then. The fish gets bigger, the bear chased you farther, and that other geezer gets more stupid.

John

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 02:41 PM

call them from your mobile phone and ask if you left your phone at their house..

call all your children "Fred" Hallo Fred, have you heard from your Aunt Fred... she is so excited that Fred got the lead in school play... she is going to be Cinderella.. ramble on

Call and say you baked a cake and the recipe said use only the whites...Tell them how difficult it was to extract the white squiggly bit from the rest of the egg and that you had to call a plumber to get the tweezers out of the kitchen sink drain, AGAIN.. Then complain about how dry the cake was. ramble on

next time they visit or you visit them, put your glasses up on your foehead, and start looking around the house, in drawers and cupboards, the fridge, under the toilet seat, soaf cushions, muttering... where did I put em... I had em just a moment ago... when they ask "put what"... "what are you looking for"... wander off with determined air that you have remembered... come back... scratch your head, knocking off the glasses... pick them up absent mindedly... clean them... put them on proper and say... can't find my glasses.

get a flat pebble, paint the name Fred on it and keep it in your pocket... when in discussion with one of your kids or grands and you want to say their name, pull out the pebble and look at... then say "Fred."

keep a bouquet of silk flowers in the fridge... If anyone asks... answer with "Just in case." If they press... regale them with the egg white, tweezer, plumber story.

call you kids and ask what gets blood out of carpet... lots of blood... really lots and lots of blood.

Tell your kids that you think you left some of your shopping at their house... "can't remember what else is missing from my bag, but the chicken breasts are not here." Do this in hot hot weather.

Pretend you visited friends at old folks home and make up a story about speed dating activity and that you think you found your perfect mate. Her name is...... take out pebble, look at it ... "Fred"

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 04:11 PM

I recall as a 12-year-old, in the 60's, visiting relatives near Boston.

My uncle, whom I had never met before, was a small and funny looking older gent, a former Newfoundlander who turned out to be quite a likable and humorous fellow.

A memorable moment was when we were walking down a busy street. He pointed out two very pretty and well-dressed 20-ish working women waiting for a bus. "Let's have some fun", he said. After waiting for a few minutes at the bus stop he approached one and said "where were you last night, I waited for you for two hours, and you didn't show". The look of total puzzlement on both women was amazing to me.

Looking back, in today's world, the impact would be much less. And, possibly he could now be arrested )I am sure there are a number of charges to choose from). But, I admit, back then it made a real impact on me...and I liked that old funny guy, my uncle.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 04:20 PM

Ed
Priceless LOL,

yea I could never pull it off, my kids would see through it in a minute, they think I hung the moon and I do also with them. We are too close they would figure me out in a heartbeat. But I would get em laughing I always do

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 05:20 PM

Dan... did you forget to tell us about the fishing trip?

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 05:29 PM

*big grin for JiK"- I did hope someone would 'get' that...

The thing is John, that I have discovered that I HAVE posted several of my stories more than once, in slightly different form. After 14 years, I forget...

and my son, who has quite a good memory, often reminds me that he HAS heard the story or joke...

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 05:43 PM

Bill LOL, priceless. Naw GNU no fish today .. heck the creek was gun barrel clean of the critters ... they move around, go in and out of the lake ... but my buddie Garry didn't fall down the bank at least. He does that a lot, he got a belly on him and mr. nimblefoot he is not :-)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: bobad
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 05:55 PM

Dick Greenhaus you are an inspiration. I just turned 61 and am trying to get my head around that number. I still feel much like I did in my twenties but find myself considering my end time whenever I am making plans for future projects. Now I will try to reflect on your post 60 achievements whenever I find myself doing that.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 06:00 PM

Bobad, Dick Greenhaus is one of my hero's ... I ain't at 60 yet but I can only hope to do a tenth of that. I suspect mine will be grandpa business and making my girls laugh

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 06:12 PM

On a serious note, IMO, two things one can do that may mean something to for you, your kids, and your grandkids or theirs.

1)Determine what $ you need and pass the rest on to others (whomever) when you are alive. You can put a few controls on it, offer advice (if appropriate), see the appreciation and the good it does...someone may even ask your opinion on how to spend it.

2) Your greatest gift could be sharing your lifetime experiences? Not just the complex stuff,but in dealing with friends, neighbours, love ones, work mates, others with whom you shared good times and hard times.

Write it down, and let people know where it is...in case they or their kids want to get something from your life experience and enjoyment of life.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 06:27 PM

Great advice Ed. One of the highlights was the time I heard my middle daughter and her friends talking in her room (she was in HS). Her friends were complaining about their dads and taking turns saying things about them. My daughter said "my dad is my best friend, he is the smartest guy alive and makes me laugh all the time" I cried ...

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 06:28 PM

Ed T... #2... agreed.

#1... nope. Keep every penny you have (save doing some good with it yourself) until they take it from you due to incompetence. Even then, stipulate where it is to go. Don't want any incompetent bastards getting yer hard earned coin.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 06:39 PM

"#1... nope. Keep every penny you have (save doing some good with it yourself) until they take it from you due to incompetence. Even then, stipulate where it is to go. Don't want any incompetent bastards getting yer hard earned coin"

I have two wealthy brothers (unlike me) in their late 70s.

One chose the path I suggested and has seen the benefits.

My other brother is a real miser, and his kids actually dislike him for it. One of his kids told me "I resent him because there were really tough times in our lives where he could have helped, and he didn't. We know we will get all his money when he dies, but he could have enjoyed seeing the good and good will it created when he was alive".

I have also seen real tensions develop in many families because of money left when parents die.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 06:53 PM

Tam, I'm still smiling from your post! Wonderful...

I, unknowingly, put both contact lenses in one eye once..I'd obviously put the right one in the left hand pot as well, the night before...I spent AGES looking for that damn right lens...took me about an hour to realise how BIGGGGG everything was when I looked through my left eye alone..Doh!

"Lizzie, in they USA they call braces "suspenders", but I think suspenders would be more fun."

Ah yes, Richard, I know that....and of course 'pants' also carries a different meaning over here...

So now I have this vision of Dan in slinky underwear and lacey black suspenders with a red rose held intoxicatingly between his teeth, dancing to this.......and BOY!..are his eyes TWINKLING!   ;0)

This is very good to do when you're old... :0)


(PS: I chose that clip for Shirl, not for Prince Philip!) :0)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 07:25 PM

Sit on the front steps (in nice weather) and whittle. Use a rubber pocket knife "'cause Mom won't let me to use a real one 'cause I might cut myself."

Find a rubber spoon and use it when you eat with the family. Don't explain.

When you look at your watch sigh and ask "Why must they make things to complicated these days?" This is also good for getting a glass of water, putting on a coat or jacket, putting on a hat, and so on.

When your kids come to visit, have your bed made upside-down (i.e., sheets on top). If they ask tell them that one night your bedroom turned inside out.

WARNING: don't do all of these at the same time.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 07:36 PM

So far, groan when I stand after sitting more than 20 minutes, and lurch painfully forward for 10 or 15 paces before everything lines up again and stops hurting.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: kendall
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 07:40 PM

I was talking to a nice young woman the other day, and suddenly she asked me if I prefer breasts or thighs. I said, "Actually, I prefer prominent nipples and red pubic hair".
She stopped talking to me, and I guess I'm no longer welcome at KFC either.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 07:43 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: kendall
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 07:52 PM

I would love to go to Wal Mart, take a bottle of orange juice, remove the cap and let it run out of the bottle while I hurried into the men's room.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 08:05 PM

lol that would do it

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 08:27 PM

I will fire up the snow blower in the summer and walk around the yard pretending to mow the grass ... that should get the neighbors going

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Joybell
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 08:34 PM

My kids have always thought I was strange. I'd find it hard to come up with anything they'd fall for.
Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 08:38 PM

Do what Chongo does. Deny your aging entirely! Drink whisky, smoke cigars, and raise hell. Get into fights at the local bar and bust heads and furniture. Pay your bills at least a week late...you do not want people takin' you for granted. Walk up to the swankiest dame on the street, introduce yourself, and give her a dozen roses...say, "If you got the time, I know a great little bistro over on 9th street. If you like to dance, we got something in common there. So whaddya say? My car is right over here." Suffer no fools, fear no consequences. Keep your guns loaded at all times, and carry at least 3 extra clips of ammo. Walk like a man. No one else will do it for ya, so ya gotta do it yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 08:41 PM

When I took my 83 year old aunt out to my daughters wedding we flew out of Buffalo. She is a little old lady that uses a walker. Well when we walked into the airport ya know they have those revolving doors. She goes inside with her walker and start going round and round and round and round cause she couldn't find the opening ... I am standing there and all I hear is .. "What the hell! "   I went in and rescued her. We both laughed and laughed and laughed. 2 years later she admits she was messing with me !!   It runs in the family I guess

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 08:44 PM

Har! Har! She clearly has a great sense of humour.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 08:52 PM

Ed.... "One of his kids told me "I resent him because there were really tough times in our lives where he could have helped, and he didn't. We know we will get all his money when he dies, but he could have enjoyed seeing the good and good will it created when he was alive"."

Well, could be he knows more than you (or they, or they tell) know about the situation. Sometimes there is more going on than one knows about.

Odd that a child would resent his/her parent for not doing more than they coild... seems to me that there could be more than meets the eye.... especially about the part, "We know we will get all his money when he dies..." That in itself sounds beyond odd to me.... sounds like an ungrateful bunch of sucks to me but I could be wrong. Only the lad himself nkows.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 08:57 PM

All you can do about parents, regardless of the issues you might have, is...forgive them for whatever bad happened and thank them for the rest, because they probably did the best they knew how at the time. It's not easy being a parent.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 09:15 PM

Gnu, I know a good deal about the background. And, my nephew is a fine caring lad and family man.

But, he and his family have gone through much hardship for many years (some of it medical, some of it employment related). This put him through an unfortunate financial situation, which he worked very hard for years to get his way through (luckily, now he has).

His father never lifted a helping hand, or a penny to help through this, though he is extremely wealthy (I am talking Millions). The nephew once told me that if you borrowed a dollar from his father today, he would ask for it back tomorrow, with interest.

As to an inheritance, he also told me his father could keep it and take it to his casket, or give it away, as he does not need it from him now.

Yes, he is bitter.... and there are other factors, that don't need to be raised. I suspect everyone knows that money is surely not everything and cannot replace caring for and giving support to family and others. But, that's not my original point. It was related to sharing $ that you can afford (beyond what you need) so you can see the benefits it can bring, rather than taking it to your grave.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 09:18 PM

Yeah, some people are like that. Kind of like a dragon and his hoard, but it does them little good in the end.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Amergin
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 09:55 PM

Just walk around town wearing flip flops, depends, and a bathrobe....

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 10:34 PM

Walk around picking up pieces of paper and put them in a trash bag. But carefully examine each piece first, say "Well, that's not it", and put it into the bag. You'll be doing some civic good AND confusing the hell out of people. If you're questioned, ask the questioner if THEY think that the current piece of paper is it -- especially if it's a cop.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 10:58 PM

Kendall,
I did that last week!
But, until you mentioned it, I forgot I did it. The orange aroma is a dead giveaway though.)
With MS plus old age, it is 'recent memory' that is my main problem.

If I wait until it isn't recent any more, about 2 or 3 months, then I can pretty much recall it easily.

Art

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Amergin
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:03 PM

Show up at Rap's front door wearing nothing but combat boots...

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:46 PM

Go to the thread on How to Restore An Old Toaster.

There you will find MANY good ideas!

Art

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: LadyJean
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 12:22 AM

Ahh, my sweet old white haired grandma. She was 85 when she died. She was 84 when she sent me that card. I was at Girl Scout Camp and I got a card with a picture of a lady in a corset and fishnet stockings on it, informing me that inside there was something every girl needs. Inside was a key marked YMCA.

I don't know how old I was, but too little to read, when she gave my sister and me a pair of what looked like cigars and said; "Now girls, these are cigars, but they aren't really cigars, they're chewing gum. Now I want you to take them and give them to your father."

Of course we did. Dad almost smoked one.

Grandma liked to tell people she was 101. A lot of them believed her.

Of course there was her great uncle, Solomon Eversull. He was one of the first settlers in the Ohio Territory. He lived to be 100 years old. As he aged he forgot names. So, when taken to vote he couldn't remember the candidates names. Instead he'd just vote for Thomas Jefferson, the first president he'd ever voted for. If you have the newfangled voting machines, that don't make write in votes a pain for some poor soul, you cold vote for Huber Humphrey or Pat Paulsen.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 02:04 AM

I gotta get the look down right also. I thinking got to buy some pant that are 2 sizes big and long, hike em up under my arm pits with suspenders

True story, to which LiK can witness:

At the last WVA Festival a very sweet you lady came running up to me and said

"I just have to tell you how much you look like my dad.
You look like him. You dress like him. You talk like him. ..."

She "enthused" for several minutes before I was able to say anything, at which time my reply was "You better tell your dad to get hisself some decent clothes."

John

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 02:05 AM

oops. "young lady"

John

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 02:36 AM

Give advice to the young, about things you are too old to do!!!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: MikeL2
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 05:46 AM

hi

When my 7 year old grandson stayed over I used to always pretend not to take my grotty old slippers off when he wanted me to take him out for a walk.

He would always point and say " Grandad slippers". And I would change into my shoes.

One day though, he forgot to remind me and I wore them to go out with him. We met a couple of his pals....they looked at my shoes and laughed.

Now he NEVER forgets to remind me !!!

cheers

MikeL2

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 08:23 AM

No matter what I am eating, breakfast, lunch or dinner I will say
"Ya, I like apple pie" and keep on eatin

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 08:32 AM

Every time I go to into the shower I will bring my fishing pole and say. "quiet you will scare the fish"

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 08:36 AM

I discovered quite by accident one day that if I called my prescription provider's tollfree Call Center's peeps and sounded REALLY old-- wavery, slow, tremulous old-lady voice-- they would do back flips to help the "dear old soul" out. They are so geared for the aged baby boom that they've been trained how to suck bucks off the eldery by "helping" us. Okay!!!

Well, the day I called, I had a bad cold making me sound that way; lingering laryngitis merely gave me a weird sound.


So now when I need UberHelp anywhere, via phone, I sometimes go into that mode on purpose. Then, at the end of the call, I revert to my real voice-- powerfully "present" I am told-- and say a perky, "Thanks for your help, [name]!"

Hey, when they pop my record up they usually have a birfday for me staring them in the face, and ask me to verify it. So if they think I'm 89 but born in '53, who de foo'?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 08:46 AM

Whilst wearing them: "I need my glasses to find my glasses."

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: kendall
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:29 PM

Dan, I didn't realize how zany you are!

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:35 PM

My brothers and I reminisce around the kids about Christmases past. Such as the one where we each only got a stick as a present, but we were able to play with them until nearly New Years, when we had to burn them for warmth. Or the Christmas when the fire froze because of the cold and we had to thaw it out to get warm.

As the kids say, "Dad and his brothers might be strange, but they're never dull."

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:38 PM

kendall... Dan is a bird of many talons.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:47 PM

Every time the phone rings I will yell out ... "For God's sake I said I ain't talking to George Bush"

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:51 PM

Or... tell Pam I ain't talkin to her after that thing at Hef's Bday party... slut!

BTW... if that's what a boob job does... there oughta be a law.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:53 PM

I think the one that will get them the best is after dinner I will yell
"I want Jell-o! yummm there's always room for Jell-o"

that one will do it LOL

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:54 PM

I've been absent-minded and had this silly grin since I was a teenager, so how will they know!

And I've always done things to amuse the kids.

Guesss I'll just have to start acting normal (if I can find out what that means.)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:56 PM

You are too kind Captain ... zany is a polite way of saying "you nuts as a fruit cake" most of my friends will agree. My kids will also LOL

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 07:57 PM

Then again, I could always start introducing Harvey to people.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 08:05 PM

You could try talking with a foreign accent , pick something like Hindu or something ... just work it in ... but only on a sentence or two to start and watch the look

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 08:26 PM

Smooth down the tablecloth on the dining room table and say (in an Indian accent if you feel the need... to whit). "In order to be a good carpenter, you have to learn to nail out the varp."

I suppose that will be lost on anyone who has never nailed out the warp on sheathing. But it's a riot for those who have. Well, I made me laugh and that's all that counts.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 08:31 PM

pretend to make eggs for breakfast and start tapping an apple on the side of the pan

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 08:50 PM

When people come, search for something. When they ask, mutter "I know I dropped that egg somewhere around here yesterday...."

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 09:40 PM

since I like old pocket watches I figure just check my watch and yell out the time at random intervals ... like in church when the priest starts his preaching ... yell   9:51 AM ...

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 09:55 PM

Well about 5 years ago my niece got married. Well the grooms grandma was sitting behind me in the church. Now the lady is in her late 80's and is not senile, she is just deaf as a post. When she thought she was whispering she was really yelling. So they are taking their vows and everyone hears "WHERE IS THE BATHROOM!" her daughter sitting next to her starts with the Mom they are taking their vows please ... Next I hear really loud "I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!" .. again the daughter tries to talk to her .. Next everyone hears "I AM GOING TO SHIT MY PANTS!"   now this is all being video taped cause the bride and groom want to remember their wedding day !! I thought I was going to fall over laughing but just kept biting my tounge

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 09:56 PM

Then just sit in front of the pulpit and check your pocket watch repeatedly during the sermon. Every so often, sigh deeply.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 10:07 PM

When I lived near Notre Dame (yeah, THAT one) people would park in front of my house and sometimes leave empty beers cans and worse on the lawn the day of football games.

I always wanted (but was not permitted by my wife!) to sit in a rocker on the front porch dressed in bib overalls, no shirt, ratty old hat, very distressed work boots on my feet, (unloaded) double barrel shotgun over my lap, corncob pipe in my mouth, a stoneware jug by my side, and just glare at the passers-by.

(I actually had to talk my neighbor out of shooting down the sign-trailing light plane that awakened him at 6:30 one game-day morning. He was going to use my Model 1917 .30-06 rifle and, having been in the anti-aircraft forces during WW2 he probably could have done it. I finally told him I didn't have any bullets.)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 03:55 AM

"Then just sit in front of the pulpit and check your pocket watch repeatedly during the sermon. Every so often, sigh deeply."

Doesn't everybody do that?

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 08:46 AM

Go onto mudcat and turn every thread into a religion thread. Yea ..
like what is your favorite soup recipe ... and post about religion ..

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 09:00 AM

Anybody got the recipe for "a mess of potage"?

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 09:05 AM

Rap and Dave
yah you guys are gettin it ... I like the ideas especially the double barrel shotgun and rockin chair ... perfect

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 09:11 AM

Invisible pet, I will sit on my couch petting my invisible dog sparky watching the commercials on TV. Then when the show comes on say come on sparky go outside fer the commercial ... take him for a walk down the street just dragging a dog leash behind me talking to him

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: MikeL2
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 10:36 AM

hi

I used to get in in the ear because I used to have a habit when we frequented a "posh" restaurant that supplied After Eight mints with the coffee. I used to take out the mint and pust the wrapper on the end of my nose and sit there drinking my coffee.

Mind you compared with all the antics on thgis thread I guess I am sane after all....lol

cheers

Mikel2

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 10:43 AM

Dan. Get one of those stiff leashes with a collar but don't walk the invisible dog. "Drag" it behind and yell at it to "Come on!" Stop at trees and say, "Hurry up." Carry a plastic bag with you and...

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 11:47 AM

Those long pine cones, when covered with peanut butter or chocolate or both look remarkably like, well, you know...or keep a candy bar like an Oh Henry! or a Baby Ruth in your pocket but loose in the wrapper. If you see what a dog left, put your hand in a plastic bag or glove, remove the candy bar, and come up eating it.

Also, chocolate covered peanuts look a lot like rabbit or deer scat....

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: kendall
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 12:47 PM

Dan, if you ever go crazy, how will we know?

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: olddude
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 12:53 PM

Well if I ever start talkin serious all the time, you can pretty much know I went nuts.   Last summer my buddie Garry and I were city fishin, that is (sitting on the bench at the pier). We turn around and there is a lady, her husband and a bunch of her grown kids right behind us. She laughed and said, I don't mean to ease drop but you two guys are better than comedy central. We have been cracking up for a half hour here.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: gnu
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 03:21 PM

Rap.. cool but gross.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 03:29 PM

Make a list of what you always wanted to do. Cross off the ones you know you're not up to, physically and/or financially. Proceed to start doing what's left. (and don't look back.....something might be gaining on you)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: Arthur_itus
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 03:32 PM

Strange that Mike.
I used to use the wrappers as a condom. Maybe thats why I have children :-)

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 04:49 AM

Revert back to childhood and be as dotty as I like.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 11:32 AM

Good Boy
Lemuel F. Parton

I have led a good life, full of peace and quiet
I shall have an old age, full of rum and riot.
I have been a good boy, wed to work and study
I shall be an old man, ribald coarse and bloody.

I have never slit throats, even when I yearned to.
Never sang dirty songs that my fancy turned to.
I have been a nice boy, and done what was expected
I shall die and old bum, loved but unrespected.

Subject: RE: BS: What to do when ya gettin old
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 16 Nov 10 - 06:55 AM

Attach mittens to string again.