BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's

Subject: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Sourdough
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 12:34 PM

This purports to be an actual set of instructions for musicians hoping to play at a coffeehouse in Ann Arbor, Michigan called Zou Zou's. It was passed on to me by a non Mudcatter musician friend. Although it's pretty bizarre it does have a ring of truth to it. If it is not true, this is satire that comes close to brilliant. Perhaps someone knows whether or not this place exists. See what you think, and keep in mind, this is a non-paying gig!

****************************

Read what's below THOROUGHLY-- -- For now, and until further notice from us:

1. All concerts at Zou Zou's will be ACOUSTIC only (unless you have the tiniest amplification with the volume knob set on "1" or "1.5" (out of 10) on most amps (be very cautious if you pick a higher number--err on the side of the lowest number possible.) Guitarists who insist on an amplifier (& keyboardists who NEED an amplifier) SHOULD either bring a practice amp or very small amp or the smallest amp possible. Going any louder than this, or bringing in "sizable" amp boxes/speakers, will jeopardize the music program there.

2. All singing and song delivery will be toned down to be soft--mellow--and perceived as BACKGROUND MUSIC. If you sing with minimal tone (or with whispering), this is what would be acceptable there. Appear subdued, gentle, polite at all times.

3. Choose as much material from your repertoire that would be perceived of as easy-listening for your performances at Zou Zou's. Tunes everyone knows are very desirable.

4. Be sure in all your conduct and words on the premises and outdoors near the premises is G- rated AND suitable to the mainstream (& no political or religious confrontations or rallying or advocacy in what you say/do.) Don't swear, don't rhyme with or give innuendos of swearing or unpleasant language and such. DON'T EVEN use *euphemisms* for swear words if they could cause discomfort to any audience, for example, DON'T tell a story about someone saying the words "screw you" or narrate that "they really screwed him over", etc.

5. Err on the side of SOUNDING likeable to the over-30 customers, and LOOKING young to the under-19 staff members there who are judgmental about who looks "cool." To look young, do nothing except relax and smile--these two things make you look young. You might want to observe how conservative & mainstream (but NOT the very-trendy/hip) under-19-year olds dress, and to approximate that look. The under-19's often can't tell if you are 18, 24, 34, 44, 54--these ages often tend to look around the same to most under-19 year olds, but if you dress in that real vaguely young/mainstream way, and if you relax and smile, they will think you are probably 18-25, which means they are likely to like you and your music. It means that the staff members there have a better chance of liking you, and they have an effect on what the management thinks of you. But you still have to be well-liked by the over-30's there, because they make up MOST of Zou Zou's clientele. Doing ALL of the above can be a challenge--and may seem shallow--but it's the reality if you want to go over well at Zou Zou's (and a number of other places, too)! Hint: the typical "musician's look" of wearing all black (solid color, no patterns, slogans, logos, etc.) usually makes everyone look "young" and "cool"--we've seen 60-somethings wearing all-black casual clothing be perceived as looking around 25. Age-perception and coolness-perception shouldn't matter--but unfortunately, it does. Someone who is even perceived as "a young cool (but NOT ultra-trendy/hip) 65 year old" will be very well liked, even moreso than an "old uncool 26 year old." By the way, don't wear T-shirts with any images or slogans that suggest any other lifestyle or stance other than MAINSTREAM to these gigs at Zou Zou's (Pierce's too.) Yes, you CAN dress like a cowboy outlaw (but no fake or real guns because it would scare people)--because that image of a cowboy outlaw (even if outlaws are not mainstream) is an image that is accepted by the mainstream. But NO, you SHOULDN'T wear a T-shirt that says "Buzzcocks" or "Metal Up Your A@#" or "Like My Monkey? or "Meat is Murder" or even "Teachers Do It With Class" at a place like Zou Zou's, because customers reacting to any element of distastefulness here will walk out and you will be causing Zou Zou's to lose business.

6. NO TABLES at Zou Zou's will be moved. Perform in whatever available space and do not get in the way of any customers who want to sit down, get up, etc.

7. Do NOT put your belongings, guitar cases, etc. on ANY of Zou Zou's tables, chairs, etc. -- Try to stuff them under the back bar or behind the glass arts/jewelry case. If you can't find room, try to leave some things in your car, and then if you need to go back to your car on a break to get them, do that. Don't put any belongings in the way of where customers might possibly sit down and dine.

8. Put your tip jars and CD's (etc.) either on the back bar or on top of the glass arts/jewelry case. It's okay to remind your audience that these are there--after all you do want tips, sales, etc.--but be very mellow about the way you let people know--nothing pushy or high-pressure type sales. Be subdued about it. Oh--and this includes any literature you have about yourself--it doesn't go on Zou Zou's tables any more--but only on the back bar or on top of the glass arts/jewelry case!

9. Do not bring any literature on the premises that advocates any social, political, or religious cause, and do not engage in any verbal (spoken/sung) or nonverbal advocacy of these causes (buttons T-shirts, etc. with slogans that you might think to wear--don't wear them at Zou Zou's or any other mainstream venue.) (Note: this doesn't mean your songs might not have a mild allusion to something religious, social, or political, but they should not be overtly advocating a position, especially if the position isn't mainstream, and/or if it would cause people in the audience to take sides one way or the other on the issue. "Where Have All the Flowers Gone" by Peter Paul and Mary which is pro-peace and anti-war but subtly so and not in your face, and mainstream enough, is an acceptable song to do, but, a song or anything you say in spoken words that bad-mouths the Republicans--or Democrats--or any social or political or religious group or individual--or that makes fun of any public figure or group--would NOT be appropriate here. Zou Zou's audiences are easily offended and the management doesn't want you to be the cause of their losing business. As for religious songs--gospel tunes are an art form accepted by the mainstream and are fine to do as long as they aren't in bad taste--your songs shouldn't say things like, "There is only one way to be saved, and that is to be a Christian" because the audience could contain Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, etc. But, a song that says "I love my Savior because of all he has done for me" is just fine. Use similar standards of taste if your songs are within any other spiritual tradition, such as Hinduism, Judaism, etc. A song can be religious and devotional without advocating the religion as a cause and offending people with it. Use good taste. Animal rights: Don't perform material related to this--people are here eating food of all kinds. Environmentalism: songs about how lovely the parks and grass is, and how sad that they're disappearing, etc., is fine--but songs about how Washtenaw County is mishandling land use, protest songs that hit home in the local community, will cause pain and strain and divide audiences on both sides of the issue--so don't do them. Don't do songs protesting litterbugs either--if only because the people there are probably somewhat prone to be litterbugs--like it or not, many people are litterbugs-- don't insult them while they are there watching your show. Prejudice: Avoid songs that protest prejudice--while it's a good cause, people in the audience may be prejudiced anyway and don't insult them. Don't sing songs with lines like, "I'm Asian, What the Heck, Looks Like I'm Facing A Belleville Redneck" because the audience might think you are accusing them or their cousins in Belleville of being prejudiced. But--lines like "I'm jealous and just maybe it's my family's redneck nature that's bringing out my unladlylike behavior" -- that could be okay because the focus is on self- blame and you aren't suggesting that someone other than yourself is a redneck, and this song has nothing to do with bigotry or prejudice, it's about someone's family's nature of how they express jealousy, and it's a funny, tongue-in-cheek song that will not likely offend anyone at Zou Zou's. Use similar guidelines for everything you do at Zou Zou's and most other venues. BE VERY CAREFUL TO AVOID ANYTHING THAT MIGHT CAUSE DIVISION, OPPOSITION, OFFENSE, ETC. You are better to err on the side of performing old standard popular tunes, songs heard on everyone's mainstream radio stations, songs about love and heartbreak, etc.)

10. Do not bring any instruments or equipment on the premises of Zou Zou's until five (5) minutes before 8 pm. If it forces you to start your show a little late, that's fine for now. BUT--IMPORTANT--DO NOT ARRIVE LATE for your gig. Arrive 5 minutes early, and start right at 8 pm, or at 8:05 pm, or no later than 8:09 pm. Don't get loose or flexible with these times. Starting the show at 8:12 pm is too late. Plan ahead so that you have time to park your car and get there at 7:55 pm to bring in your instrument, etc. ALWAYS GO BY THE CLOCK at Zou Zou's, no matter what YOUR wristwatch says, unless the clock is way off--and then, sync your wristwatch to the night manager's wristwatch and go by that.

11. Stop your show at 10:30 pm, no matter what time of year. This means any previously booked "8-11" or "8-Midn" shows are NOW going to change to become "8:00-10:30" shows. Be packed up and off the premises by 10:45 pm. These times are EXACT because the staff will be furious if you don't stick by this. They want to get out of the shop and close up as early as they possibly can, even if it's earlier than what the window sign says the shop is open until.

12. Make as much eye contact as possible with everyone. Perform to EVERYONE, not just to your friends and family who are there. Do NOT make inside jokes or comments that the WHOLE AUDIENCE doesn't understand.

13. Smile at everybody as often as possible, especially at the staff.

14. Be polite and courteous to everyone, especially to the staff. No matter how rude anyone treats you, YOU are always to be polite, courteous and smiling to everybody.

15. Do anything the staff asks you to do, including turning down your volume, turning off your amplifier, etc., and do it without any delay, with a smile, and without any arguments or rationales against what they ask you to do. If the staff FAILS to ask you to turn down/off but YOU GET THE FEELING they would like this, then READ THEIR MINDS and do it. They may not communicate well, but your survival there depends on YOUR picking up intuitively on what they might be thinking--and responding to it in the most positive (and with self-esteem for yourself) way possible, even if you pick up on any negative vibes from juvenile personalities on the staff. Respond to negative vibes with 1.) self esteem (do not think negatively of yourself) and 2.) eagerness to please the staff and do it THEIR way, even if THEIR way seems "crazy" or "off the wall" to you, because it's THEIR business. Remember that you are an INVITED GUEST on their premises, and you are INVITED THERE TO BE IN THE SERVICE of their business. You are truly their servant while you are there--and they are not your servants and are not there to cater to you. You are there to cater to them.

16. Mention how wonderful Zou Zou's is during your performance (you can even suggestively mention things like how good their cheesecake is, etc.), compliment the staff for their outstanding, warm, & friendly service (whether or not you think this is true), and before you leave the premises, thank the staff for being so kind to be hosting this musical program and the musicians. Be so charming that you err on the side of being sickeningly sweet--but also look sincere about it, because any hint of phoniness will be picked up on and it will cause problems.

17. If a particular staff member's requests (such as the irritated and agitated behavior of an unstable young man on the staff) are questionable, check out whatever with the 30-ish short- haired attractive blond woman on the staff and HER word will be the authority to go with. Do anything SHE says (it overrules anything that any other staff member says.) If she is not there, take the word of the OLDEST looking female staff member as the authoritative word for that night. The owner is almost never there, but if she is, HER word would be the final authority. The owner is not tall, she appears to be between 35-45, she has dark medium- short hair, and is she is attractive looking.

18. Whatever you do and however you do it, PRESENT yourself as TOTALLY SERIOUS and TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL, and do everything in your power to come across as a HIGH QUALITY MUSIC PERFORMANCE. This is NOT a place where you can afford to be perceived as anything less than HIGH QUALITY talent. Remember that PRESENTATION is FAR more important (in how you are perceived) than any actual level of musical skill--for if you PRESENT yourself as HIGH QUALITY, you are likely to be perceived as such, regardless of whether or not you are a musical prodigy or virtuoso. KEEP YOUR SHOW GOING SMOOTHLY (never apologize for musical errors like wrong notes or missed lyrics--just keep going as if they didn't happen) AND LOOK SMILING AND RELAXED, CALM AND POISED. PRESENT YOURSELF WELL and act as though YOU believe you are the best. Act well, and you will be perceived as an impressive performer.

*You may already have heard advice like above before. It is still important sometimes to remind yourself that MOST venues would have standards similar (if not identical) to the above, and remind yourself of these standards, so that you do not slip up and make costly mistakes in how you present yourself at a venue. Periodic reminders of this are good for all of us.

If you have any questions, let us know. Wishing you all success there.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Wesley S
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 12:47 PM

This has got to be a joke. If not - who needs 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 12:58 PM

the place exists....see here

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: SeanM
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 12:59 PM

Ummm...

Hate to say it, but regardless of whether the instructions are real, the venue is. Their page is here for all to see.

Anyone know any of the listed acts? Any way to find out if a) the above is for real, and b) if there are so few other venues that the above becomes reasonable?

<

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: SeanM
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 01:02 PM

Augh! MMario! Beat me by the merest second...

"Threadposts in the night...
We are Cross-posting
Duplications abound
Filling up what Max is hosting..."

M

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Wesley S
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 01:04 PM

Who would want to listen to an act that could fill that criteria ??

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 01:08 PM

14 minutes MAXto setup? my god, my group is acoustic and acappella and that would be cutting it close....

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 01:13 PM

Ain't no fockin' place I'd be.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 01:36 PM

LOL!!!

Hey, we don't have to dress like that for HearMe, do we?

Speaking of which, aren't you glad HearMe isn't PayMe?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Gary T
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 01:36 PM

The sad thing is there's some good advice in there for some situations, and some things worth thinking about for most or all situations. But talk about going OVERBOARD!

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Max
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 01:59 PM

Finally, I found a good set of rules for the mudcat. Thank you Zou Zou's. People take note, I expect such behavior here. Nothing but mainstream opinions allowed, then maybe the Harry Fox folks won't bother us anymore.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 02:05 PM

I would like to play Zou Zou's. I would wear a rumpled suit with a t-shirt bearing a large marijuana leaf. I would make constant comments about the need to overthrow the Capitalist Pig-Government, and insult every ethnic group I could think of.(What I REALLY hate about Lutherans is...). I would call the "attractive 35-45ish owner/manager a Washed-up Crack Whore, and refer to the rest of the staff as "peons" and "serving wenches". I would start my set with John Lennon's Woman is the Nigger of the World and end with Robert Johnson's Milk Cow's Calf Blues, all played at full volume through a Marshall amp. I would drag in at about 8:45, and play until at least 11. I would ask if there were any meat-eaters in the audience, then accuse them of being murderers.

At the end of the night, I would apologize for violating all of their rules, and tearfully beg for another chance. Zou Zou's deserves me.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 02:07 PM

Well, so much for the Forum.....and the DT....and the E-Zine......and Mudcat Radio.......and them 'nasty' personal messages.............and...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Max
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 02:13 PM

But... HELLO FREE TIME!

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: DebC
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 02:31 PM

I saw theoriginal post on another forum that I belong to. Even though these are real guidelines (at least the person who posted them said they were)I find the fact that they ended up here a little disturbing.

It's hard to articulate why, but I think that these guidelines have a tendancy to become another Internet hoax or chain letter.

I love Sean's little parody about cross-posting. I guess (and this is MY opinion) that to sending things like this to a list like Mudcat can cause some problems, not only for Max for some of us who like our email and forums free of spam, hoaxes and chain letters.

Just me $.02

Deb

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: MK
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 02:41 PM

It's got to be a ruse.

On the very remote chance they're actually serious, it's a gig anyone in their right mind with any self respect, should blow out.

Venues that don't have any respect for a musician's talents, deserve exactly the caliber of entertainment they get...and any performers gullible and naive enough to perform under such conditions deserve the treatment they get from the venue.

My $0.02 .

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Wesley S
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 02:48 PM

Lonesome EJ - Let me know if you would like to make it a duet. I could show up later and accuse you of stealing "my gig" . I could sing all the songs a half step flat { I've had practice } and we could sing all the songs off of Pat Sky's "Songs That Made America Famous". There's something there to offend everyone. We could ask all the patrons if they were "done with that beer yet??" and offer to finish it for them. Then we could pick a fight, fall off the stage and on to the patrons. Whaddya say??

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:00 PM

Wanna' sing to 'em about bein' all covered over in Nixon shit do you Wes? (Spaw be a BIG Pat Sky fan).

And to Deb C..........Well its on the Forum here, but I don't think that there's a soul around the joint with enough ambition to forward the thing on to anybody. But I do know what you mean about hoaxes........

So Wes, when are you and Leej and I gonna' play this joint? I'll be in Michigan around the end of June.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:06 PM

I just want to put my case on a chair and my tip can on a table!! (I'm too old for this falling off the stage stuff)Maybe we could get Mbo to go table to table with the tip can? Jeezus, every thing offends somebody! Lenny Bruce, where are you when we need you??

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:11 PM

Dead.

"But there are those good men and good men do exist.....so burn their ass."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: DebC
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:11 PM

Oooh! Songs That Made America Famous. One of my all-time favorite albums!

Giavanni Montini-the guy with the beenie!

Hooray for catspaw for reminding me of that GREAT album!

Deb

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Midchuck
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:24 PM

Wesley S. said: "Lonesome EJ - Let me know if you would like to make it a duet. I could show up later and accuse you of stealing "my gig" . I could sing all the songs a half step flat { I've had practice } and we could sing all the songs off of Pat Sky's "Songs That Made America Famous". There's something there to offend everyone. We could ask all the patrons if they were "done with that beer yet??" and offer to finish it for them. Then we could pick a fight, fall off the stage and on to the patrons. Whaddya say?? "

Would you consider a trio? I know the Sky songs too -

"Then we'll sell your mother's twat
to a sailor off your yacht,
And we'll turn your favorite daughter to a hoor!"

I could also do real old Oscar Brand and recent Austin Lounge Lizards.

I could use the money...

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Wesley S
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:24 PM

Catspaw - My birthday is at the end of June and I would consider it the best 49th birthday in the world to see their faces as we shared a little of Pat Sky's vision of the world with them. The "On the Road to Vasser Tour" . We could resurect an old band name I remember - "Pontius Pilate and his Nail Driving 5 " or perhaps "The Rhythm Methodists" . Or even "The Burning Sensations"

Seriously - out of all those singers listed maybe one of the Mudcatters knows one and can find out what this place is really like.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:30 PM

Lookks like a quartet now now with Midchuck. O know Greg F and Don Meixner are both fans too. Man we can give a whole band!!!

But I too would like to know about this place!! Maybe Karen and I will stop.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:35 PM

Oh, PLEASE do and let us know if this is for real!!

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Bert
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:42 PM

It's gotta be a gag Sorcha! Whether it's actually Zou Zou's that's pulling it (in which case it would be a great place to work) or whether it's perpetrated by one of their performers I wouldn't know. Sounds like a good publicity stunt to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Mooh
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 03:49 PM

If these rules were read out loud at the local coffee house, which is virtually always sold out, the audience would be rolling in the isles and laughing until paramedics were required. If this really (!) exists, I'd like to play there, just so I could boast that I got thrown out!

Otherwise, it's a great joke and I laughed until I almost pissed myself!

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 06:12 PM

Mudcat Heaven-- we all meet at Zou Zou's and hijack open mike, all recorded live. Liner notes, starting with those above, are to be pre-written.

Or just distribute ZouZou's address as the real location of the Mudcat Tavern. New members will believe it.

Or, maybe better, get the owner/manager/crack ho to join the Mudcat and let them try to run the Tavern for the average 8-10:30 PM slot, and close it promptly. That would be a conversion I would pay to watch. Auction?

Or perhaps a t-shirt for Mudcat auction, "I survived ZouZou's" or other twistedness I am too young a 'Catter to dream up! But it sounds like Max wants to go study their model and perhaps take over running it? At the least it should be a song challenge.

(Now that I think of it, we should rename Peter T's special room at the Prom, ZouZou's. I think it was Peter's idea anyhow, that room where people have to make nice?)

What the rules sound like to me is that half are for real and half are inside jokes written to tickle certain regulars with certain things only they understand, not unlike our own rather strange brand of humor here at the Cafe. One of those things you have to be there to really appreciate fully. Of course they also have the alcohol factor to add into their humor mix more than we seem to, since we are a Cafe and not a bar (or not all of the time). So the locals may find themselves much funnier than we do as a result of the possible consumption of their product.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Jacob B
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 06:30 PM

There's a possibility you haven't considered. Maybe Zou Zou's doesn't run a music series, but they allow someone else to run one. That person originally talked the Zou Zou management into letting him play so that he would have some exposure and a place to sell his CDs, and he organized it into a series as a service to other performers, but he doesn't want any of the other performers jeopardizing his fragile relationship with the management.

I don't know if that's the case or not, but it's what the document sounded like to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: sophocleese
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 06:54 PM

Well I won't join anybody on stage until I've had three beers and don't give a damn about whether I know the music or not, but I'll sit in the middle of the audience and play percussion on my cup and spoons, sing along with all the songs I don't know and try and fail to sing harmony, then I'll shout out jokes about the Mudcat so that those on stage can answer back and the rest of the audience will wonder what the hell is going on, and yell at anybody who tries to talk while you're performing to "Shut UP! and be a little sensitive for Christssakes!"...

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Mooh
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 09:49 PM

This place is done up way too tight in the britches!

I once (with the band) played a little pub and we were doing quite nicely when in marched an entire parade of pipers and drummers in full glory wailing like the rising of every Scotsman who died for his home, busting eardrums and decorum and being cheered the whole way by band and patrons alike. They took over our set and blew until they couldn't blow any more. No rules. No tight ass attitudes. No flack. No hard feelings. No anal retentive employer. Just pure unadulterated lust for craic. We had such a blast that we almost forgot we still had a set to play!

ZouZou's needs a pipe and drum parade. Unannounced.

Peace, and good fun. Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: GUEST,Sir Arthur Conan and Doyle
Date: 26 Apr 00 - 10:23 PM

We would love to turn ourselves loose on Zou Zous.

By the time we got done with them, management would be begging to perform under their "rules" and the consciences along with a few select Mudcatter's would be setting and enforcing policy.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 27 Apr 00 - 04:25 AM

Please be specific. What exactly is it about Zou Zou's rules that seems to be getting everybody upset? I mean, every coffee-house/folk-club/song-circle/session has its rules. Why is this any different? Love and best wishes and no affense
Seamus
P.S. Kendall would play here in a heartbeat.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: kendall
Date: 27 Apr 00 - 04:32 AM

They can't afford ME.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Grab
Date: 27 Apr 00 - 09:40 AM

Most of the rules don't seem too bad, although it's a little excessive. But the part about becoming background music is positively offensive. What is it - are these guys too cheap to buy a jukebox, so they have to get in unpaid musicians? If you go somewhere to listen to live music, then listen to live music. If you've been hired to play live music there, you'd get pissed off if everyone was talking and no-one could hear you. And if you want background music, stick a sodding tape on!

I can't think of anything more soul-destroying than turning up to play, and finding no-one's interested in what I'm playing, and no-one in the whole place is listening. Screw that. And if it's unpaid, why the hell put up with it? If you're not getting paid, tell noisy gits to shut the fskc up, or just pack up and say sod'em.

Grab.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Apr 00 - 10:20 AM

Folks-- Max called Zou Zou's last night during the radio show. See him for the inside skinny. (Show archive, first half hour.)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: DebC
Date: 27 Apr 00 - 10:57 AM

From what I can gather from the original post on Indiegrrl, these guidelines are real. Here is the original post:(I have deleted the guidelines since everyone has seen them)

I'm part of an Ann Arbor based performance network that is primarily email communication/booking based and one of the most organized, well-run non profits in regards to live music I've ever seen. This was recently sent to all of us in regards to a particular small coffee shop venue on the circuit. These gigs are tips/merchandise only payment, but offer some exposure, good, reliable press and a selection of afternoon concerts as well. In order for our performers to keep playing there, we must adhere to these guidelines. Having come from a classical background and having sometimes performed in upper-scale restaurants as "dinner music," these are typical expectations...but then again, those are usually the better paying gigs. I wonder, after reading this, how many artists would be offended by some of the restrictions this venue owner is stipulating. In general, I think it's a good guideline of the reality of what venue owners hope to get out of musicians, but it's been my experience that most musicians tend to rebel to this type of thing, even if it means not performing there anymore or getting everyone kicked out of the place because you want to make a statement. Your comments? Opinions?

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: Mooh
Date: 27 Apr 00 - 03:17 PM

I really get stuck on the "easy listening" and "tunes everyone knows" parts. If musical prostitution is what is wanted, try Musak. I still think this is some kinda lark designed to make 'catters argue...please tell it is!

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: sophocleese
Date: 27 Apr 00 - 07:12 PM

I guess I started laughing at the description of what to wear. For those of us who don't have Real Audio to listen to the radio show can somebody who heard Max tell us what was said? Thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 28 Apr 00 - 04:14 AM

I've just got the Patrick Sky CD after hearing you guys recommend it some time ago, so maybe I could learn up the kazoo part and join in, fill Zou Zous with drool...
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Gig Hell at Zou Zou's
From: GUEST,Pam West
Date: 01 May 00 - 07:29 AM

Wow...I haven't listened to the archived show yet to see what the venue reaction, but for all those who doubt if this is real or not...IT'S REAL!!! NO JOKE!!! Trust me, I played there once...but never again...cancelled my gig on May 19th. This is part of a booking network where a non-profit, internet run promotions company has set up various rooms for local musicians to build a following, etc. Obviously, there have been some problems with musicians and the promoter was, in her own way, trying to salvage the venue...but as I told her, they're better off buying a stereo and playing the most watered down elevator musak they can find if this is their list of restrictions. There is some good advice here and there, but for the most part, it was a lot of unnecessary spewing. I was a classical musician for 8 years prior to recording my first rock CD, and I left the classical realm for less restrictions than this place has! Sheesh!